Confusion
Joyous news, this may be the last scone you have to endure this year. Of course, it’s also an opportunity for us to wish everyone a Merry Christmas but first perhaps we can enlist your help. We are confused! “No surprise there”, we hear you say.
You probably think it’s Brexit, but it’s not! Brexit’s not confusing, its just stupid. No, it’s because we are bombarded with adverts on TV asking us to send £3 to save a child or a donkey somewhere. Plus the news that 600 homeless people have died in mega rich England this year. Okay, you agree, that’s pretty awful, but what’s confusing about it?
Well, while we may feel guilty about all that, we simultaneously pay, ‘The Chosen One’, the imbecilic Jose Mourinho £18m per season to manage Manchester United badly. Then we fork out an additional £15m just to see him off the premises. Little wonder he has spent the last two and a half years living in a five star hotel. You might say that we don’t actually pay him but of course, in reality, we do, albeit indirectly. Why do we, as a society, do that? That’s what’s confusing!
Are we completely blind to donkeys and homeless people when we would rather pay a complete idiot ludicrous amounts of money for doing something which is of no importance whatsoever? If £3 saves a donkey, get it to do the job! We’re certain Man U would do just as well … or badly. However, we don’t want to worry you just before Christmas so we have come up with an answer of our own.
Andy Murray and Tiger Woods
The world’s New Year resolution for 2019 should be to completely eradicate all professional sport … simple! It only brings out the worst in folk and we think the world would be a much happier place without any of it. Precisely nothing would be lost. Except maybe the Andy Murrays and Tiger Woods with their entourages of physiotherapists, doctors, dietitians and psychiatrists. But that’s not really sport, it’s cheating! Tennis, golf and the like would still be played, still be televised and be even more exciting. Anyway, you will no doubt be delighted to hear that that’s our pre-Christmas rant over. 
Tasmanian waiters at the Fork & Mustard
While we were pondering which ridiculous high paid job Jose would end up in next we arrived here, at the Fork & Mustard. In keeping with the ever changing face of Falkirk, up until a year ago this place was called Shy Violet. The lady who welcomed us had one of those super bubbly personalities you immediately warm to. When we asked how she came by the name ‘Fork & Mustard’ we got a fairly lengthy tale about an Italian waiter in Tasmania who kept misunderstanding what was being said to him. He thought he was being asked for a ‘fork and mustard’ whereas they were actually saying unkind things involving sweary words that we couldn’t possibly repeat here. Suffice to say this Fork & Mustard is unique. The only one in the world.
Sweetness
They have the modern necessity, a vegan and gluten free menu. 
We actually have some sympathy with the guy who killed the cow because it was eating the vegan’s food. Most things are made on the premises. Some from hand me down family recipes “just like granny used to make.” How would granny’s scones be? 
When Pat’s tea came it was in a rather novel glass teapot that automatically drained and filtered the tea leaves when it was placed on top of the cup. And we thought we had seen everything! Our scone was very good, packed with fruit but we felt that granny had put in a little bit too much sugar for our taste. No topscone but we enjoyed this place very much. It had a great atmosphere, created entirely by the super helpful staff. We will be back.
Open goals
Another thing we are confused about. How does the Labour party manage to make such a mess of opposition? The Tories have given them sooo many open goals. Okay, no one has any idea what they stand for. And, of course, they have shot themselves in the foot so often they should be referred to a self-harming clinic. But apart from that? It’s very confusing! In Tasmania they would probably refer to Corbyn as a useless ‘fork & mustard’.
Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year to all our readers.
FK1 1HX tel: 01324 637 374 The Fork and Mustard
Many thanks for another very interesting and thought provoking post. I also found Jenny’s reply interesting – the contrast in Washington DC between the Obama years and now must be frightening to all folk with similar values to those we share. You highlight a critical issue in the UK today regarding homelessness and poverty. Eliz did a shop this week with Erin our grand-daughter to contribute to the local foodbank and each of our grandchildren will receive as part of their Christmas a voucher saying they have bought a Christmas lunch for a homeless person. It is an absolute outrage that in a country as wealthy as UK such a situation exists while the PM plays games with peoples lives by wasting Parliament’s time trying to appease the Brexit divisions in the Tory party.
As a life long season ticket holder at Falkirk and a member of the Tartan Army, my views differ from you on Professional sport . This cannot and must not be looked at in isolation. Unfettered Global Capitalism lies at the root of the problem. Take ‘The Beautiful Game’ as an example and the English Premier League in particular, since this lies at the heart of the Mourinho issue. If you look at the recognised top 6 Premier League Clubs.
1. Liverpool is owned by US billionaire J.W.Henry (owner of the Boston Red Sox and The Boston Globe )
2 Man. City Owned By Sheikh Mansour who ploughs Qatari billions into the club while in is own country, there is no democracy, workers have no rights and poverty wages are the norm, despite the country’s enormous wealth.
3 Chelsea – owned by Russian Oligarch Roman Abramovich – Rumoured to be a money laundering acquisition.
4 Arsenal – Owner Stanley Kroenke another US Billionare who owns the LA Rams and Denver Nuggets
5, Tottenham Hotspur – Billionaire owner Joe Lewis who leads an itinerant life from his £113 million Yacht based in the Bahamas.
6. Man. United – Owned by the Glazer Family US Billions.
Yes the salaries in sport are outrageous, yes professional sport is not everyone’s cup of tea but please don’t deny we addicts who through thick and thin give heartfelt support, despite inclement Scottish winters, to 11 players in Navy blue kicking about a piece of leather for 90 minutes. Bill Shankly the Liverpool legend once said ‘Football is not a matter of Life and Death – IT’S FAR MORE SERIOUS THAN THAT’ – It might be a slight exaggeration but for millions across the Globe it is an essential release valve and opportunity to meet up.
Maybe a better campaign would be for tighter control of Social Media which provides a increasing platform for abuse and bullying which is ruining many young peoples lives.
Enough of the Rant – Keep up all your good work and just think – If your 2019 New Years Resolution were to come to fruition you would deny AATS interesting posts from San Marino, Belgium and Cyprus which Gavin and I will be travelling to next year with the Tartan Army.
Keep up the good work. Have a great Christmas with the family. Hope we can catch up in the week between Christmas and Hogmanay.
Thought you might take exception Sandy. I think at one time the Scotland squad would have been amateurs and probably drew bigger crowds than they get today. I’m not against sport, just the money. If the money was withdrawn I don’t think it would make any difference and would make sport much more interesting. Anyway, lets face, it’s not going to happen.
Hopefully see you during the holidays but in the meantime we hope you all have a great time.
Touché. Just one minor point. It is a common misconception that Professionalism in Sport is a new phenomenon. Here in Falkirk on 7th February 1922, the Bairns paid £5,000 to sign English International striker Syd Puddefoot from West Ham – a World Football Transfer Record. Syd himself received a £390 fee for agreeing to the transfer an amount considered by many to be outrageous when the average wage was £140pa and the average local house price stood at £350. Great to see you on Friday and looking forward to AATS in 2019.
Interesting, Where on earth did Falkirk FC get that sort of money in 1922. Could they raise that now? Just because professionalism is long established does not make it right of course. On the other side of the coin I was once accused of professionalism by the SAAA and threatened with excommunication for receiving a prise of some sweets!
We really liked this wee place and it is a wee place, very warm and welcoming. The staff are very attentive without being overbearing. Really like the way my peppermint tea was served in the fancy pot. Never seen that before. It’s a must for you all to visit if and when you can. The scones are nice too.
Hello Bill and Pat!
Merry Christmas to you both!! And a Happy New Year as well. We very much enjoyed your Christmas rant. It has now given us a more polite way to describe some people. And, here in the States, believe me, we do have a lot of ‘fork & mustards’! Some in depressingly high places.
We agree 100% about eradicating professional (and even college) sports. We think it serves merely to assuage the public, to create a massive diversion for the average American so that they might not notice the country’s downward slide. It’s a form of massive brainwashing, if you will. Curiously, the highest paid state employees here are typically the football and basketball coaches for the state universities. And, their salaries are a good deal higher than probably the next few highly paid persons combined.
That’s OUR rant for today. We miss you and we miss Scotland and we just might have to come and visit again this coming year. Perhaps we could pick up a dose of sanity from you and Pat. Of course, our door is open for you to visit with us, but I wouldn’t think that anyone might like to come to Washington, DC from overseas for the next couple of years. Besides, the border patrol might just turn you away.
Best,
Jenny and Kim
Soooo good to hear from you two. With Brexit going on over here we have an absolute super abundance of ‘fork & mustards’ all promising jam tomorrow. We totally agree about college sports in the US. It’s a racket. We would ban that as well!
We would absolutely love to see you back in bonnie Scotland though cannot make any promises on the sanity side of things. Thanks for the invite to visit over there.
All the best to all Frederickers … is that right?