Now, if anyone thinks there is anything such as a benign dictatorship, think again. You only have to look back to Henry VIII to see what can happen. While these desperados creat havoc and destroy people’s lives they also have sycophants fawning over them for fear of losing their own position … or even their heads. This innocent little tale of a scone from Newens, The Original Maids of Honour in Kew will help illustrate the point and educate those of you who are not already familiar with tarts.
We are in London for a combined wedding anniversary/house warming party … it was quite a bash! After everything had calmed down we thought we should take a couple of our granddaughters and educate them in the art of scone and tart appreciation. High Tea First impressions are very definitely of a genteel quintessentially English tearoom. A sort of hang out for blue rinse ladies and probably not the best sort of environment for a pair of scallywags. We ordered ‘high tea’ for two at £18 per person. It turned out to be more like what we would call ‘afternoon tea’ at home. We are in the madness they call London so perhaps such things are to be expected. More than that they also had ‘The Special Taster Set Tea‘ at £35 per person, the Champagne Set Tea, the Prosecco Set Tea, the Savoury Set Tea as well as the Maids of Honour Afternoon Tea. Gosh, we may have to go back! So what is all this Maids of Honour stuff anyway? HR departmentsFor that we have to return to Henry VIII. Apparently when he was married to Anne Boleyn he walked in one day to find Anne and her maids of honour tucking in to some little tarts that one of the maids had baked. He tasted one and found it so delicious he decided they should be made exclusively for him. So instead of chopping Anne’s head off right away and promoting the maid to wife … or even Queen, he imprisoned the maid so that she could bake tarts just for him. The recipe was locked away in an iron box in Richmond Palace. Anne’s head would have to wait a while until it could be detached. Heads of HR departments all over the world may be squirming at the moment however Henry would doubtless have topped them as well.   One of the features of our High Tea was that you had to go next door to the bakery shop and pick your preferred cake. One of our young granddaughters chose a chocolate eclair and the other a chocolate truffle. I of course had to have the Maids of Honour tart. Before all that, of course, there was the sandwiches and scones. All washed down with as much tea as you could drink. As expected, it was all very good. The scones were deliciously soft, not crunchy like we usually prefer but somehow they were still good enough for our top award. And what of the Maids of Honour tarts? Well, obviously the recipe has escaped from its strongbox in the Palace and somehow found its way to Newens. We hope we are not putting ourselves at risk by disclosing it here though Newens still keep their recipe secret. They are delectable little crisp puff pastry wonders with a filling of squidgy cheese and lemon curd. Fan-dabby-dozy … we could easily understand why Henry got a bit carried away! COP26We wonder what Henry VIII would make of the COP26 summit starting today in Glasgow. It stands for the 26th United Nations Climate Change Conference of the Parties and will see over 400 private jets flying in as well as all all the other flights. They will produce more climate warming gas than the whole of Scotland in a year. Not an auspicious start. TW9 3DU tel: 020 8940 2752 Newens Bakery
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Tag Archives: United Nations
Centurion Bar
Here we are still in Newcastle. Except this time we are at the station waiting for the train to whisk us back home. It is one of Britain’s busiest stations with a half hourly service to London and others going west to Liverpool and north to Edinburgh and Inverness. It was opened by Queen Victoria in 1850 and is now one of very few Grade One listed railway stations. With almost an hour to wait we found ourselves in the Centurion bar of The Royal Station Hotel. 
It’s not just any old bar. It’s a very spacious and grand hall which used to be the First Class Lounge. It was decked out with flags for the Six Nations Rugby Championships. We decided to sit under the nice blue one on the right.
Nirvana
The name, Centurion’ suggests a Roman connection and, of course, there is. What was it with the Romans? They came all this way to build tourist attractions? In the year 122, Emperor Hadrian built his wall right through Newcastle to end up at, would you believe it, Wallsend in the east of the city. No sooner was it finished than Emperor Antoninus Pius decided, in 142, to build another wall further north. It ran across the entire breadth of Scotland and through the middle of our home town, Falkirk. Trump and the Romans would have got on just fine. Some historians insist that the reason for building these walls was to keep unruly Scots at bay. However we like to think that they just enjoyed life in Falkirk so much they decided there was little point in going further. They had reached nirvana.
Before long, however, the hedonism and feasting on scones served with Rodda’s Cornish Cream drove them back to Hadrian’s Wall where that sort of behaviour seemed more appropriate. Nowadays the remains of Antonine’s Wall can still be seen in Falkirk but apart from the Roman Bar and a few Italian restaurants there are few signs that the Romans were ever around. Both walls, however, still serve very well in their primary function as tourist attractions. The Hadrian’s Wall Path passes close to this station.
More than expected
Enough about Romans, what about the scones? Yes we decided to have a scone but 
little did we know that every hot drink ordered came with a complimentary croissant. When our scone arrived it was accompanied with butter, jam and a croissant … too much!! Had we realised we might have asked them to keep the croissant and give us a free scone. And had we not had to pay for the scone it might have fared better in our review. It was okay but definitely not a topscone.
Despicable us
In the end even Newcastle was too much for the Romans. At least, when their Empire collapsed they all just went back to Italy and that was that. Not so with the British Empire. Almost every trouble spot around the globe was designed by us. Iraq and Afghanistan to Palestine and Ireland as well as the current problem between India and Pakistan. All the result of British meddling. When it comes to creating a political mess we do it fantastically well and now with Brexit we can bring that expertise to bear at home as well! Whoopee!
Thankfully, this week, the United Nations highest court in the Hague has ruled against us in what must be one of Britain’s most despicable acts. They have ruled that Britain’s 1968 claim to sovereignty over the Chagos Islands is illegal and they must be returned to Mauritius immediately. Surely you have seen this news splashed all over the media? No? Hopefully, after more than fifty years, all these poor displaced people will be able to return to their homes. What this means for the US military base at Diego Garcia (it was the reason for this crime) no one knows.
We do think, however, that Scotland should raise a similar action against the UK at the Hague … for the travesty of 1707!
Pleasant as it was sitting in the Centurion, the train came and we were duly whisked back to nirvana.
NE1 5DG tel: 0191 261 6611 Centurion