Tag Archives: Tories

Forest Hills Revisited

9 April 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

The last time we were at Forest Hills was back in August 2016. Britain was still reeling from the result of the Brexit referendum, David Cameron had vanished into thin air and the Tories were desperately trying to save their party. Not a lot has changed. Back then, however, we had the media and the politician’s favourite distraction … the Olympics. The masses enter a kind of stupefied state where nothing else really matters. While we were at Forest Hills, Team GB had famously beaten Team Vanuatu in the hop,skip and jump event. As we leave the EU this Friday we need another momentous moment like that to distract us from impending disaster. It’s not really a disaster, life will go on, it’s just that we rather like being European. Infinitely preferable to being British with our arcane systems of government.

Ah well, even if we could arrange an Olympics or even a Commonwealth Games before Friday we would have to let everyone beat us … at everything! Otherwise they might not trade with us! And, after we leave Europe, we might be dependent on Vanuatu for goodness sake!

Correspondents

Anyway, you are all very familiar with our international network of correspondents by now. They expand our sconological research to parts that we simply cannot reach. Sometimes the odd telephone box creeps in as well. Our Trossachs correspondents, of course, are amongst the most adventurous. They could pop up in Gibraltar or Lithuania or Basseterre or Argentina or even 38,000 feet up in the air … there is simply no telling. Today, however, they are back in their natural habitat. They have invited us to help celebrate their wedding anniversary in Kinlochard. We were staying in the hotel but the celebrations were being held in the village hall. While we were waiting for the festivities to begin we thought we should check that scone standards had not slipped since our previous review.

We were relatively early so had the whole lounge to ourselves. Sitting in front of a wonderful log fire our beautifully warmed scones were presented with lots of jam and a generous pot of whipped cream complete with strawberry. What’s not to like? The tea and coffee were all excellent and the scones were just the right size with that lovely crunchy outer and fabulous soft inner. Delighted to report that Forest Hills has indeed retained its topscone award … well done! Of course, we would expect no less from a ‘MacDonald’ Hotel.

Gluten free?

Later, along with about fifty other revellers we had a fabulous evening of eating and drinking with music supplied by the excellent Chapter Four folk band. When it came to the ceilidh, suffice to say that many willows were stripped with all the usual sophisticated aplomb accorded to that particular dance. Back at the hotel, we retired to bed, happy but exhausted. Next day, however, saw us at the village hall again. This time it was to partake of scones …. gluten free scones, another first for us. Oh, dear, two scones in as many days! They had been made specially by a local lady who has a gluten free diet. Delicious but, of course, we couldn’t make an award … there’s no way for readers to access them.

Great way to round off the weekend’s celebrations though and for everyone to say their farewells. Congratulations and huge thanks to our super generous hosts. When they come down off cloud nine we hope they remember to get back to their sconey day jobs.

Farewell to Europe

‘Farewell to Europe’ (should be a lament for the bagpipes) is probably not going to happen on Friday. At least we don’t think it will actually happen on that day … who knows, nobody knows, it might, it might not? It’s like the UK has decided to commit suicide but can’t make up its mind how to do it! It wouldn’t be so bad if it just hurt us but it could also wreck the Irish economy and potentially start ‘the troubles’ all over again. That’s bad! Hopefully, what with all the delays, they will eventually realise that suicide isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

FK8 3TL tel: 0344 879 9057 MacDonald Forest Hills Hotel & Spa

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ps: We are always keen to promote new correspondents and were delighted to receive this report from our rookie ‘wildlife correspondents’. They venture into all sorts of out of the way places in pursuit of flora and fauna. Hence they found themselves in the Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh having afternoon tea when their fledgling sconological urges kicked in and drove them to file their first report.

Although they did not feel sufficiently qualified to formally award a topscone they, nevertheless, could not imagine a scone being any ‘topper’. A very promising start, our rookies showing definite potential. Many thanks L&R. We will, of course, endeavour to deliver an official verdict. That is once we have saved up enough to enter the Balmoral’s hallowed halls.

pps: The Pedant has just filed a report on this somewhat delapidated Lion Foundry K6 in Oxford. It goes under the What3 Words code of ///loved.lonely.vivid which rather belies its appearance and its location in the centre of the city. He didn’t say if it was operational but it looks like it may have been used to relay instructions to the Oxford team in the boat race last Sunday.

Scones, Top

Darcy’s – Princes Square

28 November 2018 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Sometimes you just get the urge. You just fancy something! Maybe you fancy a classic mojito, perhaps a strawberry fizz mocktail; maybe a spot of face painting; or even a full blown lunch with private dining; maybe some live music. Or maybe you just want to stay in the EU or maybe you just never want to hear of Brexit ever again! Well, you can have all of these (except the last two) at Darcy’s in Glasgow’s Princes Square. All Ted Baker and Vivienne Westwood, Princes Square is a rather upmarket glitzy shopping centre. Darcy’s is just one of a dozen restaurants.

Christmas lights in Royal Exchange Square, Glasgow — Christmas comes to Glasgow’s Royal Exchange Square

Epic messes

It was over two years ago that we were here having afternoon tea at Cranachan and berating them for serving fully loaded scones. As you all know by now, a cardinal sin in our eyes. We were also feeling a bit sorry for Jeremy Corbyn. He had just done unexpectedly well in the general election but was being given a hard time for not singing while everyone else was trying to enlist God’s help in saving HRH. Things haven’t got any better for him in the intervening years but it’s all of his own making. Any sympathy we may have had has long since evaporated. Unbelievably, he actually might even have a chance of winning a general election should one be called. Not because of anything he has done but simply because of the epic mess the Tories are currently making of just about everything..

Okay, okay what about Darcy’s scones? It’s busy busy and there was only a single table left when we arrived. The whole place had a nice buzz about it. That buzz however may have given rise to a slight hiccup at the beginning when, having waited for about five minutes, we had to go and find someone to serve us. However, after that we were looked after very well. Our scones came on very large plates which we were sure were the same as we had when reviewing our Liberty of London scone. That was also over two years ago so how sad is it that we remember things like the plates? My coffee was great and came complete with a little amaretti biscuit … nice!.

Anyway the plates certainly didn’t cramp our lovely warm fruit scones … nicely presented with a pat of butter, a pot of the ubiquitous Tiptree jam and a ramekin of cream with a strawberry on top. What’s not to like? In the end we decide to forgive the hiatus in service and award a topscone. Well done Darcy’s.

Face painting

Just in case we have fired up anyone’s interest in face painting, it takes place every Sunday between 1 and 3pm and everyone goes home with a balloon! Remember to have a scone as well!

French newspaper covering at Darcy's Café, Prices Square, Glasgow — Pillars covered in old French newspapers??

Landing on Mars

We weaved our way back to the railway station through dozens of beggers sitting in the wet and cold. We also learned that we have successfully landed a spaceship on Mars … hurragh! With all these beggers, food banks and 1 in 4 children living in poverty, lets hope, if they find anything at all on Mars, it’s a moral compass?

G1 3JN tel: 0845 166 6012 Darcy’s

ps: Attention all telephone box enthusiasts. Obviously this not a K6 but a somewhat different concrete police telephone box. The only similarity to a K6 is that its door is also made of teak. Originally all police telephone boxes were coloured red and only changed to blue because of the popularity of Dr Who. None of the BBC’s props have actually been true to the original design. The explanation is that its chameleon circuits sometimes drift a little if left in the same position for too long. This particular TARDIS in Buchanan Street did not really contain a huge Bier Halle full of drunken Germans. Although we didn’t actually look inside??

english, Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Costa Coffee

4 May 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

The main street in East Sheen is festooned with lovely new coffee shops so you would think that it would be relatively easy to find a scone. Not necessarily so. We tried several such establishments which all had loads of cakes and pastries but no scones. One place didn’t even seem to know what a scone was … mon Dieu! What seems to be happening is that the new independent cafés and restaurants are all going down the same route. We think it might be called the hipster route. They all look very similar and they all serve the same pretend healthy stuff. Perhaps they don’t do scones because they have to be fresh and are just too much trouble?

Only marmalade!

Normally we try to give our custom to independent coffee and tea houses rather than the multinationals. Today, however, in this buzzing area of south west London, it was down to Costa Coffee, the second biggest multinational, to come to the rescue. They had fruit scones and they had cheese scones, hurrah! In places like this our expectations are never that high and we feared that after some very indifferent service at the counter and the place being a wee bit untidy, that these expectations were being realised. When it came to the scones however we were very pleasantly surprised … they were warm and probably had the most fruit we have had in a scone in a long time. No cream and the only jam they had was marmalade. Heyho, we like to be adventurous.
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Government opposing themselves

Given the overall experience this was nowhere near a topscone. Having said that, however,it wasn’t at all bad. At least Costa is British. Starbucks coming to the rescue would have been too much to bear! Englandshire is going through its local government elections at the moment. Even though London voted overwhelmingly, like Scotland, to stay in the EU the biggest issue in this area seems to be weekly bin collections rather than Brexit! What with everything that has been going on, our present government should be the easiest in living memory to oppose. However the Labour party seems to have failed yet again in that department. The Tories are actually doing a better job of opposing themselves than Labour and are still coming off best in the elections!SW14 7NX tel: 020 8878 0351 Costa

Ordinary, Scones

Museum of Lead Mining

29 May 2017 billpaterson1@me.com

Okay, here’s the question – where would you go if you wanted to get your hands on some gold? You know, just you and your shovel. South Africa, Australia, North America? These are all good bets but where would you go if you wanted to get your hands on some of the purest gold in the world? None of that rubbish stuff? What about Wanlockhead, just south of Glasgow?

Inside the Lochnell Mine at Wanlockhead — inside the Lochnell mine

Old photo of miners at Wanlockhead — Hardy souls

Gold at 22.8 carats was mined here for years along with silver, copper and lead. In fact, people still come here to try their hand at panning for gold. If you find it, it’s yours. The principle metal mined here was, of course, lead, and considering the village is located in the Leadhills perhaps that’s not too surprising.

On our visit they took us to the furthest extremity of the mine then switched the lights off and lit a candle to let us see what the working conditions were like back in the day. It’s dark, very dark! What’s more, the miners had to buy their own candles which, at that time, were very expensive. However, if you were holding a giant chisel all day while your colleague belted it with a sledge hammer we don’t think you would have thought twice about buying the brightest candle possible. Even if it cost a lot of money. They just placed the candle in the rim of their hats. Doesn’t bear thinking about!

What else is Wanlockhead famous for? Well it is the highest village in Scotland and maybe even the UK. A position hotly disputed by the village of Flash in Staffordshire which also claims the title. But we think that they are just being a bit … flash! Whichever proves to be true we think the Museum of Lead Mining may well be the location of the highest scone in the land. Or at least that is what we are claiming until someone proves otherwise.

Presentational problems

The village is so high that when we were there it was completely enveloped in cloud making it seem a wee bit spooky and sombre. The approach to the tearoom didn’t do anything to lift the spirits but once inside it was a different story. It was bright with cheery welcoming staff … and scones. We’ve had soft scones, hard scones, fruit scones, cheese scones, treacle scones, woeful scones and topscones but this scone was going to be the highest. Was it going to be any good though?

© bill paterson photography — Perhaps they thought the altitude might have weakened us

As it turned out they had all been baked earlier in the day by a lovely young waitress called Leagh. It always pleases us when young folk just attempt making any kind of scone. Never mind a fine collection of plain, fruit and cheese ones. Well Leagh’s scones were very good indeed. We briefly considered a topscone award but reluctantly decided that some presentational problems and a lack of local butter and jam just let it down … shame! An all too common problem where the management cannot be bothered to source local produce.

Silly academics

In fact, in our opinion, the academics have had far too much say in the running of this entire museum. It has a very complicated pricing structure and the whole place seems to be held in a kind of straightjacket of rules and regulations.

Miners Library

There’s the Miner’s Library. The second oldest subscription library in the world. You can look at manikins reading books but you are not allowed to do the same. No one is allowed near the books. Also the museum sounds more like a spaceship with all its air conditioning and dehumidifiers. These are not particularly rare books and it has had a multifunctional past. It has survived centuries of village meetings, birthday parties and generally enlightening the minds of miner’s children. Now it has been preserved in such a way as to render it completely useless. Really stupid!

No more miners

Almost as stupid as the result of the general election in a few weeks time which looks increasing like it will go to the Conservatives. Miners will be having to buy their own candles again! Sorry, of course that won’t be necessary, miners were done away with years ago … by the Tories.

Interior view of the miners library at Wanlockhead — The library set up in 1756 by miners to educate their children.

Don’t let our minor irritations with some aspects of this museum deter you from visiting. It is fascinating and very much worth a visit … and almost a topscone!

ML12 6UT tel: 01659 74387 Lead Mining Museum

Scones, Top

Butterchurn Coffee House

9 May 2017 billpaterson1@me.com 2 Comments

There are plenty of things that change as you get older but no one ever mentioned to us that you start to run out of aunties. Between us we used to have loads of them but, sadly, now we only have two … and one of them lives here in Kirkintilloch. We are taking her out for lunch. Kirkie is a fair distance from our home town of Falkirk yet both towns are very much connected: a) the Forth & Clyde canal runs through both b) the Roman Antonine Wall runs through both and c) they both have an illustrious history in iron manufacturing.

The official guide

Aficianados of the world famous red telephone box know that almost all the K2 and K6 versions were made here in the Lion foundry and, of course, every single one of the limited edition K4s were made at Carron in Falkirk. For non-aficianados we have put together a handy guide which will hopefully help avoid any confusion. Anyway, now that we have cleared that up, our aunt wanted to buy some plants for her garden so where better than Caulder’s Garden Centre right here in Kirkie. It’s also home to the Butterchurn Coffee House. Although we had been warned it was always busy we did not expect to be told that we would have to wait twenty minutes for a table .. and it’s not as if it is short of tables. It’s quite a big place. We were put on a waiting list.

True to their word, however, we went back later and within a couple of minutes we had a table. The serving staff, although rushed off their feet, were very friendly and welcoming in that uniquely Glasgow kind of way. You find yourself talking about the weather, children and the price of tea in China in the act of giving your order. We had ordered a scone but decided, since we were having other things, to share it three ways. Unfortunately it appeared with all the other food so we had to look at it all the way through lunch. It did not look at all promising.

Lumpy bumpy cake

Well, you would think, with our intensive studies in sconology, that we would be able to spot a good scone at some distance. You would be wrong, it was excellent. What do we know? We like our scones to be a little bit crunchy on the outside and soft in the middle but this one wasn’t, it was all soft but with a lovely texture … delicious! Nice jam and whipped cream as well. They also do lumpy bumpy cake … don’t ask!

View from the Butter Churn Coffee Shop, Kirkintilloch — View with the Campsie Fells in the distance

Antis?

There have been other surprises recently! For us the biggest was how far the main stream media, including the ‘impartial’ BBC, went in distorting the facts about the local council elections. They managed to turn it, with just 20% of the vote, into a triumph for the Tories. Apparently the SNP are going to have to rethink their entire strategy and drop all thoughts of independence … eh? The clue is in the name? What actually happened was that the SNP, after 10 years in power, increased their vote and took control of all the major cities whereas the unionist vote decreased. It takes real skill to twist that into a disaster for independence but par for the course really. The Tories did increase their vote but only because Labour voters could not bring themselves to vote Labour and switched, unbelievably in Scotland, to Tory.

In France, Emmanuel Macron has become President! Perhaps not that surprising, but surprising in that no one seemed to like either candidate, they just voted for what they saw as the lesser of two evils. What has happened to world politics. Everything is anti: anti-immigration, anti-EU, anti-globilisation, anti-this, anti-that? Our Kirkintilloch aunty is a wee treasure however. We had a great lunch and a surprise topscone. Apologies for the homophonics.G66 1QF tel: 0141 776 2304 Butterchurn

Ordinary, Scones

Callendar House Tearoom 2

15 April 2017 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

In our original post, almost two years ago, we gave Callendar House a bit of a hard time. We appealed to Falkirk Community Council to pull their socks up and provide something a little better. Well … we got a tip off in the form of this photo from our Trossachs correspondents, remember them? They are mostly dormant in winter but the fresh spring air has obviously stirred them and they sent this picture from a recent visit. They also reported an improvement in the scones! So this is Callendar House Tearoom 2. Philosophically the blackboard message gets right to the heart of everything. Perhaps another visit was required.

Stolen decanters

A slight aside. Because my dad worked for Callendar Estate, when the contents of the house were been auctioned off in 1963, I, as a mere youth, was given the task of patrolling one of the floors, which included Mary Queen of Scots bedroom, to ensure that nothing was stolen. Didn’t someone pinch a full set of crystal decanters and glasses from her room … arrgghh! As far as I can remember I still got paid! The marriage agreement between Mary and the French Dauphin, Francis, which provided that Scotland and France should eventually be united as one kingdom, was signed here. Mary was fifteen and Francis fourteen when they were married in the cathedral of Notre Dame, Paris. The rest, as they say, is history. Interesting to speculate though on what things would be like now if Scotland had united with France rather than England.

Inappropriate furnishing

The tearoom is housed in a beautiful old wood paneled room with ornate gilded cornicing. The publicity says “the newly refurbished Callendar House Tearoom offers a bright and airy café experience” … and it does. It also has nice views from the tall windows onto the expansive lawns and gardens. The refurbishment however has involved replacing all the tables and chairs we complained about last time with equally modern featureless items which, although better, are still slightly incongruous. For such a grand setting, more appropriate Victoriana could easily have been purchase from auctions at a fraction of the cost. A lost opportunity! We have got to hand it to the staff however who have to work one of the most inefficient systems known to man. The kitchen is miles away, the cakes and pastries are at the furthest away point from the kitchen and the till is half way in between. They have to walk many unnecessary miles every day. But they seem to do so happily, well done them!

What’s with all this moaning we hear you say? Exactly, let’s get on to the scones. Our correspondents turned out to be absolutely correct, they were much improved, very good even. Not quite topscone but close. Again no local produce, the jam was the ubiquitous Tiptree variety and the butter was completely anonymous. Heyho the overall experience was much better than last time … small steps. Thanks to our Trossachs correspondents for the heads-up!

Policies?

Just started getting our Council Election bumf through the door. Our sitting Tory counciller has a large fancy pamphlet completely devoid of policies except ” SNP bad” … probably all you can say if you can’t think of anything good to say about your own party! FK1 1YR tel: 01324 503770 Callendar House

Scones, Top, weird

The Walled Garden

31 July 2016 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

You know how you can drive past something on a regular basis without giving it a second thought. You see the signs but never venture. So it was with Devilla Forest, just a ten minute drive from where we live. Turns out that within the bounds of this relatively small piece of pine forest all sorts have happened.

There’s the ‘Standard Stone’. Its carved square holes are said to have held the standards of King Duncan and his lieutenants, Macbeth and Banquo in a battle with the Danes at Bordie Moor in 1038. There is ‘Maggie Duncan’s stone’. Maggie was a 17th century witch who tried to carry the boulder in her apron to the top of a nearby hill. However, it slipped and her apron strings cut strange deep grooves into the stone. You can also find the graves of children who died of plaque over three hundred years ago. There’s the remains of a WW II explosives research establishment .. oh, and lots of sightings of big black cats!! Goodness, we didn’t know the half of it … and virtually on our doorstep. As well as all that, and on a slightly lighter note, you can find red squirrels, otters … and scones.

The scones can be located at The Walled Garden, brainchild of the farmers at Righead Farm. They just wanted their own walled garden … so they built one about four years ago.

They started selling teas and coffees in the Potting Shed but it proved so popular that they have now built a large purpose built café and the Potting Shed is now a well stocked shop selling plants and knick-knacks. We were offered plain, fruit or date and apricot scones. Pat opted for the fruit, while I, living on the edge as usual, went for the date and apricot, a new and and untried sconological combination! Sitting out in the sunshine it did not take long before they arrived, nicely presented with little pots of jam and whipped cream. The scones themselves were delicious and we didn’t have too much trouble giving them a topscone award. By the way, the date and apricot combo works a treat!Black cats

If you view tales of large black cats with a slightly raised eyebrow, then both eyebrows will go into some sort of earth orbit looking at the current machinations of the Labour party. Unbelievable! When will they realise that Corbyn is not only their best bet at gaining power but probably their only one? Meanwhile, in Scotland, the Scottish Labour party continues its policy of self harming, abandoning everything. Corbyn, a chance at autonomy, and no doubt, all hope, if they side with the Tories again on Indyref2.

View to the north from the Walled Garden

No Cards

Besides all that, hats off to people who build walled gardens these days … it is open Wednesday to Sunday but, perplexingly in these modern times, does not take cards – cash only.

FK10 4AT tel: 07951 530571 The Walled Garden FB

Scones, history and a dollop of politics