Tag Archives: the Queen

Balbirnie House

The other day, when we told a friend that we were going to Balbirnie House for scones and a seven course dinner, he said “You lucky bloggers” … at least, we’re pretty sure that’s what he said. Although the seven course dinner with matching wine flight was quite enticing what swung it for us was the promise of a cream tea on arrival. How could we resist?

The  hotel is only a thirty minute drive from home, in the Kingdom of Fife. “A beggar’s banquet fringed with gold“.. that’s how James VI of Scotland once described Fife. The “gold” referred to the lovely beaches all along its coastline. Balbirnie House is in the village of Markinch in central Fife … so that’ll be the begger’s banquet then! Could this be an omen for our dinner?

The Orangery at Balbirnie House
the Orangery

We did not want our cream tea to spoil our appetite for our ‘banquet’ so we arrived early in the afternoon. The spacious Orangery was where it was served. Scones at Balbirnie HouseOur scones were very good. A nice crunchy outer layer combined with a warm soft interior … just the way we like them. Plenty jam and cream so what was the problem? Just the size. Normally we expect to get two relatively small scones with a cream tea but these were just too big. Pat only managed one. I did my best with the second but was eventually beaten into submission. And there was another problem!

Size is everything?

The coffee was Nespresso which meant that it was good but served in small Nespresso cups. Even though we could get as many cups as we liked, we don’t think that these pod machines are appropriate for situations like this. It just seemed a bother to keep asking for more. A nice big pot of coffee is much better. Argh, so the scones were too big and the coffees were too small. Are we turning into grumpy old bloggers?

Internal view of Balbirnie House
after dinner drinks by the fire
Seven

Anyway, us ‘lucky bloggers’ had to report later on for dinner. If we couldn’t manage a couple of scones what would we be like with a seven course dinner. Logo of Balbirnie HouseAs we get older we no longer seem as able for huge feasts, hence we normally share everything. No need for sharing here though! Each course was ideally sized and consequently we got through all the courses without a problem. Helped, of course, by four different specially selected wines.

However, by the time we were finished we were absolutely stuffed.  We had to retire to one of the lounges for recuperation by a big log fire. This blogging game cannot be taken lying down … or maybe it should be?. No, it requires copious amounts of grit and determination, not to mention stamina! Honestly, after eight years of doing this, we are in the peak of condition … don’t scoff!Main entrance at Balbirnie House

Rishi Sunak, the latest Prime Minister through that revolving door at 10 Downing Street, made his first visit to Scotland the other day. Currently he is presiding over a disastrous situation of strikes across the entire public sector. A situation skilfully crafted over thirteen years of Tory rule by his predecessors.

To celebrate his sojourn north of the border, he and Scotland’s First Minister met for dinner in Inverness. We don’t know how many courses! Rishi has the honour of being Nicola Sturgeon’s fifth Prime Minister since she came to power. She seems to be collecting them like the Queen used to do. He seems to have survived the experience and emerged relatively unscathed but probably with several fleas in his ears. No point in going through the promises made because promises from Westminster are not worth the paper they are written on these days. Actually, not just these days, as long as we can remember!

Internal view of Balbirnie House
The bar

If you ever get the chance to experience one of Balbirnie’s dinner you should take it. Great experience and great value.

KY7 6NE    tel: 01592 610066     Balbirnie

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Blair Castle

Everyone should have a river running through their garden, don’t you think? The Duke of Atholl has 145,000 acres so he probably has several. To join the aristocracy you need do nothing more than be in the right place at the right time, then monarchy can shower you with all sorts of gifts … like large parts of Scotland. Mind you the 1st Duke of Atholl seems to have been a sensible sort of chap. He opposed the Act of Union in 1707 and, for daring to have an opinion, was promptly placed under house arrest. However, if you are going to be placed under house arrest there are definately worse places than Blair Castle … it’s more “castle arrest’ really.

ballroom at Blair Castle
The ballroom … everyone should have at least one of these

Much has happened since our previous post from Hickety Pickety Tearoom. Most momentous was the Queen’s death. She did a great job of bring up a family and saying absolutely nothing while under the microscope of the world’s media. And it was fitting that she died at Balmoral, where she was actually happy. 

Intimidation
a corridor at Blair Castle
An antler corridor

Her funeral  went on interminably. Even the food banks had to close. If the principal aim of monarchy is to intimidate then this certainly worked. The greatest display of white male privilege ever witnessed by mankind. There wasn’t a single world leader there who thought that they were going to get anything remotely like this as a send off.  Britain does it again with an incredible show of nonsensical pomp. But who, in this day and age are we trying  to intimidate?

Will we, won’t we?

With King Charles III ascending the throne surely now is the time for countries like Canada and Australia to realise that they need one of their own to be Head of State. Okay, Canada likes monarchy to differentiate it from their rather common cousins to the south, but still, your all grown up now,  Perhaps, like Denmark has just done, all Royal children should be stripped off their titles so that they can actually lead normal lives like the rest of us? However, the big question is, will Scotland give the Stone of Destiny back so that Charles can be crowned? Maybe not a BIG question but a question nevertheless.

drawing room at Blair Castle
a drawing room

Goodness, you can’t turn your back for a minute, we have a new government as well. Not so much a ‘new’ government, just a continuation of the old one but worse. Don’t think anyone thought that was even possible! Liz Truss, thrashing around, making it up as she goes along, hoping she can last to the next General Election and plunging the country into its worst economic crisis for almost fifty years. Brilliant! Bring back Boris …. joke!

Private army
painting at Blair Castle
This is how I feel after a good scone.

But enough of this nonsense, did they have scones at Blair Castle? Well, yes they did! We are actually taking part in our first ever coach trip . woohoo with the Falkirk Local History Society and this was our first stop before heading further north. Going round the castle is a bit like being in IKEA … it’s a one way system. And just as well. It would be very easy to get lost otherwise. The current Duke of Atholl  got fed up getting lost so he now lives in South Africa. He still has his own private army here in Scotland … the Atholl Highlanders …  isn’t it great!restaurant at Blair Castle

Locusts

There was also the alternative of going round the rather splendiferous gardens. The Hercules Garden  is lovely … everyone should have one of these as well, but we concentrated on the castle. a scone at Blair CastleAt the end we all met up again and descends on the restaurant like the proverbial locusts. Scones were laid out on tiered plates for all …. yeah! You can probably imagine that the sudden influx of more than fifty people at one time might create a few problems … and it did. Nothing too serious though and we were all soon kitted out with everything we needed. They were very fresh and crumbly and although we did swither on topscone status, they eventually just missed the cut. A good time was had by all so what does it matter? Definitely worth a visit … especially if you want to see all the things you don’t  have

entrance hall at Blair Castle
Aristocracy is also all about intimidation of lesser mortals so this entrance hall may have been a reminder to guests that they had better behave.

PH18 5TL.    tel: 01796 481207        Blair Castle

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Platinum Jubilee

Don’t think you could ever call us Royalists. That system of privilege and patronage seems better suited to a bygone era and totally at odds with modern day life. Odd as it may seem, we have actually met most of the Royal family (all except Andrew … phew!) and they all seem like really nice people. We’re pretty sure they do not want to spend their lives under the microscope of public and media scrutiny so why oh why are we allowed to do it to them? The fact that the Queen is celebrating her Platinum Jubilee is, of course, a personal triumph for her but given that all other news has apparently been cancelled we’re glad it only happens once every seventy years.

We’ll do anything!

Not wanting to appear too curmudgeonly, however, we ordered a Platinum Jubilee box from Haar At Home in St Andrews. Haar is a restaurant run by Masterchef Finalist, Dean Banks and we use it from time to time. You order it online and then it just appears at the door. It’s a kind of magic! The box had all sorts of stuff – smoked trout, a variety of cheeses, olives, chutney, pickle salad, chorizo, cheese and leek bread, caviar  … and, wait for it, scones with jam and clotted cream. Okay, okay, it’s pathetic, we’ll do anything for a scone.

There was far too much just for just the two of us so we had the pleasure of the company of our Trossachs correspondents to help us out. They did an excellent job though the meal was not without its difficulties. Do any of you have problems accessing your caviar? We did! caviar from Haar for the Platinum JubileeTry as we might we simply could not open the tin … imagine, so near yet so far. It became hilarious as the four of us came up with ever more incredulous ways of tackling it. Eventually the answer was to go to the garage and get a set of grips. The tin had to become pretty mangled before the top reluctantly popped off. Was it worth all the effort? Yes, everything was lovely and well worth the platinum amount of money we paid for it.

Uncategorised

Anyway we know that none of you are actually interested in our caviar traumas … just scones, right? scones for the Platinum JubileeWell, they came with a generous tub of strawberry gin jam (I wasn’t driving) and another of clotted cream. The scones were really nice but a little on the big side for our taste. The chances of Charles being on the throne for seventy years are slim to say the least so none of you will ever get to sample a Platinum Jubilee scone ever again. Devastating, we know! In these circumstances we didn’t think it appropriate to categorise them. Good fun though!

meal from Haar for the Platinum Jubilee
In case you are wondering, this is what our Platinum meal looked like

What comes after Platinum?

Branksome Beach Café

First leg of our road trip completed, we couldn’t get a more extreme contrast between our last post from Tebay Services and this place, Branksome Beach Café. One set amongst wild rugged moorland and the other on a beach looking out towards the Isle of Wight.

A different life

We are visiting our daughter’s new house. It’s big compared to the tiny one her and her family had in London and it’s in a very quiet street in a beautiful forested area. Without having to go on any roads at all you can take Branksome Chine (a very pretty wooded gully) down to the beach. The path drops you out right at Branksome Beach Café … how neat is that?

View from Branksome Beach
View from our seat on an overcast but warm day. France just over the horizon
Indoor beaches

In the 1930s Branksome Beach Café was Britain’s first functioning solarium. Intended to provide a year round sunbatheing facility it had an indoor beach complete with deckchairs behind huge glass windows. Now the sand and deckchairs have long gone and it has developed into one of Dorset’s landmark cafés. It also makes a claim to be the home of the rock cake! My mother made rock cakes in such a way that you never had to question how they got their name.

External view of Branksome Beach
Bill board outside the café and an actually rock cake … neither to scale

Such a claim obviously requires testing so we got a one to share with everyone at our table. Whether the claim is true or not doesn’t really matter .. it was delicious and not too rock like! Luckily, they are not claiming to be the home of the scone … that would be simply ridiculous!Logo of Branksome Beach

Local produce

Of course, we had to test the scones. A scone at Branksome BeachWe were sitting outside on the terrace overlooking the beach but on the way in we had noticed the scones. They were quite big so having already scoffed some rock cake we opted to share one. It came complete with a pot of jam and the ubiquitous Rodda’s Cornish Cream. Since we are relatively near Cornwall we have dropped our customary objection … it’s a local product down here!.We’re sure that the excellent service, the views out over the beach and the sea were all contributory factors in our decision to award a topscone. Well done Branksome Beach Café.

Prince Charles substituted for the Queen today at the State Opening of Parliament. It said nothing and perhaps the biggest news was that Kate, Duchess of Cambridge had travelled to Manchester on a charter flight in a Michael Kors outfit. Goodness, she’s almost common! Somehow all the pomp and pageantry seems hugely incongruous in times where more and more people are being forced to use food banks. Not that we have much room to talk, sitting here eating rock cakes and scones by the beach.

BH13 6LP       tel: BH13 6LP        Branksome

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ps: our  fabulous Toowoomba correspondents have sent us scone pictures from Angie’s Country cafe in Toogoolawah. Hands up everyone who knows where that is! Okay not too many.External view of Angie's Country Cafe in ToogoolawahA scone at Angie's Country Cafe in ToogoolawahPresentation looks good as does the scone so if you ever find yourselves in Toogoolawah you know where to go.

 

Welsh Cakes

You’re all familiar with “Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells”, a name used for someone with strongly conservative political views, who writes letters to newspapers in moral outrage. Well, recently we had a communication from “Slightly miffed of Portmahomack” saying that we had featured baked goods from Scotland and N.Ireland but had ignored Wales and its Welsh Cakes.

No idea

Obviously, having miffed readers is not on and history teaches us that ignoring discontent in the Highlands can be perilous. So, in an attempt to quell any hint of rebellion Pat has acted quickly and decisively to bake some Welsh Cakes. She previously had no idea such things existed but as always our best buddy, Google, rode to the rescue.

making Welsh cakes
Very similar recipe to fruit scones but cooked on a girdle or griddle

No one knows where scones originated … England, Scotland and Ireland all have claims. The first mention of a scone in writing, however, was back in 1513 by Scottish Poet, Gavin Douglas so perhaps Scotland has the greater claim.  Whatever, we are proud to continue Gavin’s good work. Anyway, no matter where they’re from originally we don’t think it’s Wales. They’ve got Welsh cakes for goodness sake so why would they?

Placated

Once the mixture is rolled out and cut into whatever shape you like they are placed on the hotplate.

making Welsh cakes
About 3-4 minutes on each side the dusted with caster sugar

The caster sugar is optional. Without caster sugar you can slice them through the middle and eat them with butter and jam, just like a scone. Alternatively, with the caster sugar you can eat them just as they are. eating Welsh cakesThey were delicious so we gave them the first and probably the last top Welsh Cake award. We thoroughly enjoyed this foray into the unknown. Who knows, Welsh Cakes might become a regular feature in Pat’s baking repertoire. The last time we were in lovely Portmahomack we had a topscone and hopefully, now that “slightly miffed” is placated it will be safe to return for another. Can’t wait!

Oprah

The fallout from the Meghan and Harry interview is incredible. For an inconsequential family rift to dominate almost every news channel for a week just beggars belief. With Meghan, the monarchy has missed a golden opportunity to drag itself into the modern technological world. The traditional fairytale secretive monarchy no longer cuts the mustard for many. And just so that you know, its a few years since we last chatted with the Queen but we can confirm that she never mentioned Meghan once … if that’s anything to go by … just saying!

It’s a while since we brought you a telephone box. This one is at the new Falkirk Distillery which hasn’t opened yet but has distilled its first spirit. By 2024 it’ll be actual whisky. What with this and the old Rosebank Distillery reopening, Falkirk is starting to rival Islay as a whisky lover’s heaven. Okay, slight exaggeration.

Lion Foundry K6 at Falkirk Distillery

It’s a pity the phone box was made at the Lion foundry in Kirkintilloch, it would have been nice if it had been a Falkirk one. 

Super Saturday

So it’s Super Saturday, we can all relax and enjoy ourselves! For our many international readers who may not know, this is the day when in spite of England having a much worse r-rate than Scotland most of the COVID rules in England are withdrawn. So, as Scotland maintains its rules for another couple of weeks we thought, for this post, you might like to hear how we are coping with all the stresses and strains of months of COVID-19 lockdown. Remember the millenium bug that threatened to bring our computers and the world crashing down round about our ears? Well, it had nothing on this bug! 

Back gardens

Actually though, for us, it’s been quite a relaxing and pleasant experience. There are obvious problems like not seeing grandchildren etc but it’s not all negative. We don’t need to get dressed because no one is coming to the door. And why tidy the house? Can’t remember the last time we washed! Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration but all in all, it hasn’t been bad. Why wouldn’t it be when the reality consists of sitting eating Royal scones in a sunny back garden. That’s not strictly true either. The other day, with local restrictions being relaxed, we had the pleasure of testing our Trossachs correspondent’s Royal scones in their back garden.

Trossachs correspondents scones
Royal scones by our Trossachs correspondents

We behaved! Maintained our social distancing but have to admit to getting up close and personal with the scones. Delighted to report that the result of this official review was an easy topscone. Fantastic and thoroughly deserved. We had a wonderful afternoon with wonderful friends in their wonderful sunny garden. Many thanks … wonderful!

Strawberries

Readers might be lulled into the false impression that we have had an easy time of it in lockdown. Well, we have, however, it has not been entirely worry-free. Recently, for instance, we have been concerned about what to do with a surfeit of strawberries. They are ripening faster than we can eat them. Part of the solution was to eat them every day. Sometimes with ice cream, sometimes just with pouring cream and sometimes with custard. scones from the ovenThe strawberries are winning, however. Eventually, we might have to resort to making jam. In the meantime, we are having them with our scones. Pat made another batch of scones to the Royal recipe and we are eating them with homemade gooseberry jelly, whipped cream and sliced strawberries. Fab!scones and strawberries

Over the wall

So you can clearly see that it has not all been plain sailing. However, we do not want readers to worry. We are just fine sitting in the garden. And to set your minds at rest, we think the strawberry crisis is manageable. When we look over the garden wall, however, we see a world that is confusing, hairy and relatively sconeless and that’s a bit worrying.

Back to Super Saturday. What sort of idiot decided that Saturday the 4th July would be a good day to jettison restrictions and open the pubs in England? Oh yes, that idiot! Boris says he is relying on people’s good sense to behave responsibly. He chooses to overlook the fact that if people had ‘good sense’ he would not be Prime Minister. It’s the downside of democracy. When Gary, Tank Commander says that it was wrong for the army to go into Iraq he observes that it was the government that told the army to do it. And who put the government there? Us! He’s right. Now, at least, folks can get their hair cut in England.

Confusing?

Meanwhile, Trump wants to put America ‘first’ in the charge to have the highest coronavirus fatalities, however, the UK, or rather England, is snapping at their heels. Both states, of course, have one thing in common … numpties in charge.

scones pre oven
In case you’re wondering, this is what raw Royal scones look like; pre-oven

In Scotland, we are urged to stick to being two meters apart (in case of doubt, that’s one Highland cow or one Highland dancer apart). Boris has now said that in England it has been reduced to one meter or “one and a bit” meters. In the spirit of compromise, an English person in Scotland presumably has to stay one and a ‘big bit’ meters apart? There is also much confusion around the rules for quarantine as England lifts its rules but Scotland doesn’t. The solution, of course, is obvious. Instead of the Scottish government, with both hands tied behind their back, doing a much better job than their Westminster counterparts they should have complete freedom to be a proper effective government.  That only comes with independence, of course.

How will it all end ?

It remains to be seen how Super Saturday pans out and how the pandemic progresses. It’s a crazy world. With the arrest of Ghislaine Maxwell in America, the Queen must be longing for a good old Royal Garden Party, a cup of Earl Grey and one of her scones. if she needs a shoulder to cry on. she is welcome to come round here for a scone and a wee chat.

PS: In case you think we are existing in a boorach of a house on a mono-diet of strawberry scones, we’re not! The other day we found a trout on our doorstep! And we are far from any kind of river! Not only that but it had been smoked. In two shakes of a lamb’s tail, however, Pat had it transformed into this delicious pasta dish. It was the cat’s pyjamas!

smoked trout pasta
A strawberry free tagliatelle with smoked trout in a light sauce.

 

The Royal Garden Party

theroyalfamily's profile picture

We know that this may come as a shock to readers of our humble blog who had assumed over the years that we were just ordinary people. You know that we go to great lengths to expand your sconological knowledge but you probably thought that that was about as special as we could get. However, rest assured, when the Queen requested our company at the Royal Garden Party at the Palace of Holyroodhouse we didn’t see it as some sort of high faluting privilege but rather a simple scone opportunity? While we were there we ended up being introduced and chatting to HRH, Elizabeth I of Scotland (we call her Ma’am for short) for ten minutes or so. It was all very polite and interesting but it went so quickly we completely forgot to ask her for the scone recipe … remiss of us we know. We didn’t get round to sheds either! A bit of a wasted opportunity. Thank goodness she never asked if we were Royalists! However, we are about to make amends with a Garden Party recipe.

We know that you are all thinking “That pair never got an invitation from the Queen! If they got to a Royal Garden Party they must have climbed over the gates”! Well, we did get an invite and just to prove it there’s no way we could have climbed the gates dressed like this.Royal Garden Party

Special

That was almost a decade ago, of course, and the only reason for bringing it up now is that HRH, has just released her scone recipe for Garden Parties and we thought we should place it in some sort of context. It was before our scone blogging days so the scones didn’t get critiqued but we are sure they would have been topscones … especially if there’s a chance of a knighthood!

We should add that having met many members of the Royal Family; the Queen Mum, Charles, Diana, Anne etc, the Queen was definitely the best. We’re not sucking up it’s just that yes, we are so special we are able to make such judgements! And that knighthood!

Recipe

Actually, you may be surprised to hear that HRH does not actually bake the scones for her Garden Parties. This is the recipe for fruit scones used by the Royal Pastry Chefs so presumably, it has been “approved”.

???????????:
-500g Plain Flour
-28g Baking Powder
-94g Butter
-86g Sugar
-2 Whole Eggs
-140ml Butter Milk
-100g Sultanas – a type of raisin (Cover in hot water and leave to soak for 30 minutes)
??????:
-Preheat oven to 180 C
-Mix the flour, baking powder, butter and sugar together in a bowl, until a crumb is formed
-In a separate bowl, whisk the eggs and buttermilk together
-Add the liquid to the crumb mixture
-Continue to mix the dough, until it is smooth
-(Optional) Add the sultanas, and mix until evenly distributed
1Remove the dough from the bowl, flatten the dough and cover
-Leave to rest for approximately 30 minutes
-Roll out the dough to a thickness of 2.5 cm and cut to desired shape
-Rest the scones for another 20 minutes
-Gently egg was the top of the scones
-Bake in the oven for 10-12 minutes until golden brown
-Cool before serving with jam and clotted cream

There is even a short video, just click here! Royal Garden Party scones

Leadership

Many thanks to HRH for the invite and a very interesting day. Actually, it was interesting just walking through the streets of Edinburgh dressed like a couple of people going to a Royal Garden Party …. many photos of us must now be adorning mantlepieces all over the world. And now you have the recipe you can have your very own garden party!

After George Floyd, Trump has bunkered down in the White House and threatened to use the army against his own people. Meanwhile, Boris has gone AWOL as UK becomes the most unstable it’s been in living memory. A world with Garden Parties suddenly seems a little bit surreal!

We could give you the postcode etc of the Palace of Holyroodhouse but what’s the point if you’re not special?

We’ll keep you posted on the knighthood thingy …services to scones! Will the investiture be at Scone Palace?

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Hideaway Cafe at Beecraigs

There has been a lot of migration from central and eastern Europe. Thousands of people coming to the UK in what seems to be an totally uncontrolled manner. You may think we are talking about relatively recent times but we’re not. We’re talking about 4,500 years ago. There was mass migration back then when thousands of what we now know as Beaker People moved west. They were called Beakers because they were always buried with their rather elegant bell-shaped clay drinking vessels. When they reached Scotland some of them settled around Cairnpapple Hill where there is still a very well preserved Beaker burial chamber.  It is only a stones throw from where we are today at the Hideaway Café at Beecraigs Country Park.Logo of the Hideaway Café at Beecraigs Country Park

Descendants

So, although folk go on endlessly about mass migrations into Britain, it is absolutely nothing new. In fact, when it comes down to it, hardly any of us are from here originally. We are all migrants in one form or another. Judging by our fondness for using drinking vessels, Pat and I may even be direct descendants of the Beaker people. At the end of the day, as they say here in Scotland – we’re a’ Jock Tamson’s Bairns.

Photo of Beecraigs loch in late November
Beecraigs loch

We had decided to take a walk round the loch at Beecraigs. It used to be regular occurrence when the kids were small but we haven’t been back for many years. The loch is actually a reservoir built by German Prisoners of War during WW1. Apparently the German work ethic was nothing like it is nowadays. Work progressed at a snail’s pace until it had to be finished off in 1918 by conscientious objectors. It’s a beautiful walk, however, and it was really nice to relive memories from the past. The walk seemed much shorter than we recalled. Then we remembered, this time we weren’t trying to herd feral children. We didn’t have to stop and investigate every stick and toadstool along the way.

View from Beecraigs Country Park
View from Beecraigs with the Forth bridges in the distance

One of these children actually got married here several years ago and, with its expansive views, it provided a wonderful setting. No weddings today though, it has all changed. The space previously used for weddings is now filled with displays for the visitor centre explaining the local flora and fauna. However, now they have the Hideaway Café … and scones!

Buzzing

The only problem was that the Hideaway was not living up to its name. It had been found and was so busy we couldn’t get in. However, they gave us a pager and told us to go off and wander arouInternal view of the Hideaway Café at Beecraigs Country Parknd the exhibits and when a table became available they would buzz us … brilliant. It worked! Within ten minutes we had our table and were able to order some lunch and a banana and white chocolate scone to share. They had plain and fruit scones however we always feel that we should report on the exotica we come across so that readers can continue to expand their knowledge base.

A scone at the Hideaway Café at Beecraigs Country ParkEverything was good, the service was happy and efficient, the food was fine and even the scone was pleasant enough. No topscone unfortunately. Don’t be put off by banana and white chocolate scones … but don’t deliberately seek them out either. Fruit or plain is a better bet.

Flashbacks

Memories are funny things. We have many happy memories of this place. Our family wedding event was superb but it is difficult to imagine it happening now that the venue has undergone so many changes. Yet we still got little flashbacks of that day as we looked around. Memories can play tricks! Apparently the Queen is claiming that the Duke of York is her son however he has no recollection of ever having met her. Boris doesn’t remember ever telling a lie for goodness sake! That’s how tricky it can get!Photo of Beecraigs loch in late November

EH49 6PL        tel: 01506 847111      Hideaway Beecraigs

///corrects.blushed.photocopy

The Canny Soul

All hail Lady Hale. She has shown our Prime Minister to be an absolute bounder.  Some think her large spider brooch, was worn to illustrate what a tangled web we weave, however, she has unwittingly launched a whole new fashion movement. Who’d have thought they would have sold 5000 t-shirts sporting her brooch design within hours of it appearing?

Quite a month

Anyway, September has been quite a month for the UK. The Queen has been found to have meddled in the Scottish independence referendum of 2014. Much has been made in the press of the Palace’s disquiet at this being made public by David Cameron. Not a mention, however, of the disquiet of the people of Scotland who have known the Queen was set up for the past five years.

Dysfunctional

Now she’s embroiled in BoJo’s deceit over the prorogation of Parliament. Bad enough having a dysfunctional family to deal with, now she has a load of dysfunctional politicians as well. Who would be a Royal?

Internal view of the Canny Soul café in St AndrewsThe lesson we have taken from the Supreme Court’s ruling is that doing things unlawfully is okay. Pat and I have decided to start mugging people in an effort to enhance our meagre pensions. Yes, we know it’s unlawful but what the hell? If it’s good enough for Boris, surely it’s good enough for us too. St Andrews seemed like a good place to start. Lots of wealthy folk and stacks of American tourists.  Of course St Andrews is a university town (2nd best after Cambridge) so it’s brimming with students. We knew that there would be slim pickings mugging them … too poor and too fit. It would be the easiest thing in the world for them to run away from us.

Sign for the Canny Soul café in St AndrewsNo, we really needed to find people with walking sticks, or zimmers, preferably. Spotting likely victims is harder than you might think, however. After a while we were tired and found ourselves standing outside the Canny Soul café. We ended up not mugging anyone or, indeed, doing anything unlawful and going for a scone instead. Is that a huge collective sigh of relief we can hear? However, had we been caught mugging someone we would simply have explained that we disagreed it was unlawful. It works for Boris!

Definition of a Canny Soul

It turns out there is more to this place than meets the eye because, on the face of it, it’s not much to look at. Apparently a “canny soul” is someone who is: “neither above you or below you but is always by your side”. It’s a kind of lifestyle choice.

Picture of Marilyn Munro at the Canny Soul café in St Andrews
Marilyn Munro

One that was borne out by the place itself. All the staff were very happy and obliging. We’re not sure if this picture, which was prominent in the café, is of a “canny soul” but if Boris can learn to simper like this then he will probably get away with even more than he’s getting away with at the moment.

Sucking up

Everything we had was fine, however, our scones did not quite cut it. They seemed a wee bit tasteless. A scone at the Canny Soul café in St AndrewsNo topscone but the friendly atmosphere in the Canny Soul more than made up for it. They were indeed, canny souls. During some banter when we were leaving I complimented the middle aged owner on his youthful energy. He looked at me and said “ you have aged like a bottle of fine wine, I have aged like a bottle of milk!” Ten out of ten for observation … and sucking up to customers! Perhaps Boris should do a bit more sucking up rather than simply blustering blindly towards a no deal Brexit. He might even consider becoming a canny soul … or have we taken that too far?

The government has had to spend £billions repatriating holiday makers  after Thomas Cook’s  collapse and now Trump is being impeached. The world has gone mad … or madder! We still had a very enjoyable time in St Andrews however.

KY16 9QW     tel: 07712 423386       The Canny Soul TA

///liberated.rejoined.slept

HRY Britannia

Sign for the HRY BritanniaYet again, after Titanic Belfast and Fingal, we continue with the nautical theme. This time it’s the turn of HRY Britannia. You may think that we have carefully constructed this sequence of sea bourne scones but we haven’t, it’s purely coincidental. We would probably never have set foot on this symbol of extravagance and privilege had it not been for the fact that if you stay on Fingal you become entitled to a tour of HRY Britannia … it’s a privilege!

Royal Crest

We did not take that title picture. It was copied from the table mat under our scone and depicts HRY Britannia and the Royal EsNapkin crest for the HRY Britanniacort at the D-Day Commemorative Review on 5th June 1994. The white ship behind Britannia is the cruise liner Canberra. This picture of the Royal Crest was taken from one of the napkins. Because all the world seems to want to visit this ship, the tours are  very well organised … they have to be efficient to cater for the numbers. When you go in you are given a handset which explains everything you could possibly need to know about wealth and privilege.

Courteous

It takes a good hour and half to go all the way round however once Pat had steered the ship to a safe harbour we were able to partake of tea and scones in the Britannia tearoom. Pat in the captain's chair on HRY BritanniaWe’re not sure if the Queen reads this blog but whether she does or not, we suspect that she may well be a closet sconey if not an open enthusiast. However, we should not speak ill of the Queen. Every time she has spoken to us she has been polite and courteous to a fault. It’s the system of patronage she heads up that we have issues with.

The tearoom at the HRY BritanniaThe tearoom was busy. Although we could have had another bottle of Moet with our scone we felt we had had enough bubbles recently and decided to pass. Also, it was also only 10.45am which we regard as early for champagne … call us old fashioned.  A party of Americans at the next table were having a bottle however and when we took them to task saying it wasn’t even noon yet, they said “its noon somewhere”! Honestly?

A scone at the HRY BritanniaOur  fruit scone was nicely, if plainly, presented and came with plenty jam and cream. Wouldn’t it be dreadful if it wasn’t a topscone? Would we end up in the Tower if we marked the Royal scone down? We could even lose our heads. Luckily for us it proved to be very nice indeed … not as good as Brendan’s on Fingal but good enough for us to keep our heads … phew!

Honi soit qui mal y pense
That’s the motto on the crest that appears on the napkin. It literally means “Evil (or shame) be to him that evil thinks”. It is sometimes used to insinuate the presence of hidden agendas. How appropriate for today’s political world. Lifebelt on the HRY BritanniaThis is Theresa May’s last day in charge of the Conservative party and a whole pile of people with hidden agendas are bidding to replace her as PM. No need to worry though. Jeremy Corbyn was in triumphal mood as his party took the Peterborough by-election against the Brexit party. In his delusional head he sees himself as the next PM already … nil problemo! Also, apparently the Queen has really really enjoyed meeting with President Trump. She learned an immense amount during their many chats. That’s according to Trump on Fox News, of course!

We were eating Royal scones on the Royal yacht as HRH and the Donald were dining at Buck Pal. The cultural divide is brilliantly explained in this video.

EH6 6JJ             tel: 0131 555 556             Britannia

///each.glee.served