surfing Archives - Scones, history and a dollop of politics

Today we are in a Cornwall cafe, the Smugglers. It’s inspired by life on the beach, surfing waves and getting your hair bleached by the sun. Only problem is that the nearest beaches, discounting the nearby mud banks of the River Thames, are many many miles away. We are actually in Putney in central London. Nevertheless, Chrissie, who owns this place, has a soft spot for Cornwall and is determined that the Smugglers Cafe should make people feel a little bit of that Cornwall vibe.

“Cornish Smugglers” conjures up a somewhat romantic notion of hardy folk trying to get the better of overzealous excise men. In London, however, we suspect it might have somewhat darker overtones. Fortunately, the decor of surfboards and photos of bronzed beach-ready bodies went some way towards lifting our mood as the rain did its best to come through the plate glass of the Smugglers Cafe window.

The cafe itself is tiny but the staff are welcoming and soon had us fixed up with a delicious lunch. After that, we could not risk a scone each so we shared a cream tea. Our tea came from Cornwall, grown on the Tregothnan estate (the only tea grown in England) and the Origin coffee is roasted there as well, in Helston. Never been to Cornwall so our knowledge is limited.

Need to go

We know though that it’s the home of the ubiquitous Rodda’s Cornish Cream, the bane of our lives. We also know that it is the home of a kind and civilised people who stoically tolerate their brutish neighbours in Devon spreading cream first on their scones. There was plenty of both jam and cream with our scone and we were in no doubt which was to go on first. The fresh raspberries and blueberries were a nice touch. The scone itself, however, was a bit of a disappointment. Just a bit stodgy and certainly not what we expected from a good Cornish scone. Perhaps we need to actually go to Cornwall?

99 to go

There were lots of nice homely touches in the Smugglers Cafe. On our table there was a tiny green bucket with little discs inside. It was 100 Extreme Things to Do Before You Kick The Bucket … great! Almost the first one we pulled out was Go On A Blind Date, eh? We did that nearly 50 years ago … and we’re still on it! How on earth are we supposed to get round to the other 99?

Recycling?

This week has been bittersweet … we finished the Christmas cake on the train coming down to London. Pat baked it and I iced and marzipan it with the indispensable assistance of a couple of granddaughters. Pat is not that keen but I am very keen on Christmas cake so when I say ‘we’ finished it I really mean ‘I’ finished it. That’s it gone for another year … boo! Christmas, of course, has other after-effects. Today there is much talk of the need to recycle. Indeed it has taken over our lives. Knowing what goes in which bin and when it goes out has become a sort of art form. People who actually know these things are regarded as truly wise oracles, surreptitiously consulted by their bewildered neighbours.

We buy masses of plastic castles, farmyards and other lumps of plastic just to keep our little angels momentarily happy. It is all then stuffed in a cupboard to be thrown out the following year to make way for even more stuff. Never mind the energy it takes to produce all this rubbish, when we try to recycle plastic it takes lots more energy. Either that or it goes to landfill. It’s ironic that in attempting to get some short term gratification from our children we actually end up helping destroy their future. The smart thing to do, of course, is not to recycle but not to buy in the first place! The children won’t mind. Especially if you explain that having a non-plastic Christmas might make it worthwhile going to the effort of growing up.

picture at the Smugglers Cafe — On the Smugglers wall .. it should be Cornwall but looks suspiciously like Scotland

They may even get to Cornwall and enjoy that vibe!

SW151JT. Tel: Smugglers

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It was a surprise when our correspondent, the Pedant, reported the existence of a café in the tiny hamlet of Monzie. It’s not so much that Monzie is isolated, it’s just a few miles from Crieff after all. It’s just that it’s on a very minor road that hardly anyone uses. If you were to be run down on this road it would most likely be by a farmer on a tractor or a speeding quad bike.

Happy days

On the other hand, I know it extremely well. As a young lad, my brother and I, came to our aunt and uncle’s house in the summer and it was just a few hundred yards from here. Looking back these were idyllic days. This piece of country was our adventure playground. No water in the house … we had to collect it every day from a spring, however, I don’t remember anything remotely resembling hardship. And the sun shone every day! On reflection, of course, it couldn’t have been easy for my aunt and uncle without all the modern day paraphernalia we now take for granted but they always seemed extremely happy with their lot. Of course, maybe they were just happy when I was there?

Green machine

My aunt had magical powers. She employed them when she made banana flip. A seemingly ordinary dish consisting of custard and, you guessed it, bananas. No one else, however, came within a million miles of making it the way she did. My uncle was a jolly round man and, for me, a kind of superhero. Not only could he play any instrument he picked up, be it a trombone or an accordion, he drove a road roller. He was employed by the local Council. Not only that, he was allowed to take it home at night. This huge lumbering green machine sat there outside the house as an object of complete wonderment to a wee boy. A big rearing horse badge on the front … like a ferrari but much better!

Laying claim

Anyway, it turns out that the Mill House at Monzie is now run as a boutique B &B. When it has gaps in it’s B&B calendar they do this pop up café so it’s only open now and then. But would a café in such a quiet spot be successful? It was crying out for further investigation. We arrived on a beautiful sunny day to find that we were the only ones there. The café itself is well appointed and it had a range of fantastic looking gateaux … and scones. The delightful young chap who looked after us said that he could not lay claim to the cakes but he could with the scones. He had baked them earlier. So far so good!

All the scones were plain so we had one each. They came with loads of butter, jam and cream. All the jams were home made. The coffee and tea was excellent as well. It all looked very promising. We really hope that this pop up is successful because they obviously put a lot into it and everything we had was fantastic. The gateaux were to die for and scones were top. Well done Monzie! And when we were leaving others were arriving, hurragh!

Diary dates

If you want to visit this beautiful peaceful part of the country and support this venture, here are the dates it will be operating.

1. Tuesday 30 July – 1 Aug 10.30-4pm
2. Tuesday 6 – Saturday 10 Aug 10.30-4pm (Sat 11-5pm)
3. Tuesday 13 – Wednesday 14 August 10.30-4pm
4. Tuesday 20 – Thursday 22 Aug 10.30-4pm

Bats in the belfry

We couldn’t leave Monzie without visiting the church next door where my uncle was beadle for many years and pay respects at the superhero’s grave.My uncle used to take my brother and I along to the church to help him get it spic and span for the Sunday services. My aunt would do the flowers. At that time there were bats in the belfry, wonder if they are still there. The church was open so we were able to go inside and reflect on life in Monzie and elsewhere. My aunt and uncle led very simple but happy lives. Much of their time was spent helping others and in service to their community. About a million miles from Trump and his sad little mean life.

Old bridge over the Shaggie burn at Monzie — The old bridge over the Shaggie burn at Monzie doesn’t see much traffic these days

PH7 4HE tel: 07815 737130 Mill House Café FB

///flipper.again.canal

ps One of our Aussie correspondents sent us this photo of a K6 at Airlie Beach in the Whitsunday region of Queensland. It wasn’t underwater! The chap floating above it was advertising surfing stuff. Unfortunately its position meant that the manufacturer’s badge was inaccessible.

Useful link: things to do in Crieff

Scones, history and a dollop of politics

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Smugglers Cafe