Since we are here at the Cross Keys Hotel in Kelso, we thought we should talk about keys. Have you ever wondered why so many pubs and hotels are called the Cross Keys? Well, apparently it’s all to do with the keys to the kingdom of Heaven and crossed keys were the emblem of St Peter. Doubtless, for many of the customers of these places, it would feel like the closest to heaven they would ever get. Though why Heaven should need keys in the first place raises all sorts of other questions. But one thing is for certain! Whoever receives the keys to No 10 Downing Street in the next few days will be receiving the keys to Hell. Not sure why Hell would actually need keys either but you catch our drift.

Someone let Liz out of the cupboard under the stairs and that signalled the end of her 44 day reign as Prime Minister. The shortest tenure in history for any British PM. It came as no surprise to anyone and many would say it wasn’t short enough. We know the brand new Chancellor, who has been in post for just a little more than a week has the keys to No 11 but no idea who will have them next week. 

All this follows Suella Braverman’s resignation. You’ll remember Suella was the only woman on earth who could make Priti Patel seem warm and cuddly. Anyway, at 43 days she became the shortest ever serving Home Secretary. Realising that Liz’s government was in terminal decline she actually manufactured her own sacking.  What a mess!  “You couldn’t make it up“, is no longer merely a flippant remark. To make matters worse Boris Johnson is threatening a glorious return. Boris won’t need keys!  In true Boris style he undoubtedly had copies made before he left Downing Street in the full and certain knowledge (in his own delusional head) that he would be back.

Lucky dip

We think they should just take all the keys and put them in a hat for a lucky dip. Since things couldn’t get any worse It would seem only fair that, the now famous iceberg lettuce that outlasted Liz, is allowed a go at the lucky dip as well.

Take it or leave it

Anyway we mustn’t go on about about this too much … or should we? No, let’s get on to matters of more substance …. scones. We arrived at the impressive Italianate Cross Keys Hotel quite late in the day. Guess what, they were sold out of all scones except white chocolate. Not exactly what we would have chosen however white chocolate it had to be. Kelso has survived remarkably well through the ages in spite of continuous wars with England. The hotel was the resting place for pilgrims coming to the Abbey so it  suffered badly in 1545 during the “Rough Wooing” when the English blew it up.  Subsequently the hotel became a coaching inn that ran services to Newcastle and Edinburgh three times a week.

The white chocolate scones were surprisingly nice, we were very pleasantly surprised. Not topscones in the style of Schloss Roxburghe but enjoyable nevertheless. By the time you get our next scone report we will have a new leader and maybe even an entirely new government team. Fingers crossed for the lettuce!

TD5 7H.       tel: 01573 223303          Cross Keys

///harps.answer.nutty