Tag Archives: Scottish Parliament

Canada Wood revisited

9 August 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 2 Comments

As our government prepares to invoke martial law in the event of riots after a no deal Brexit, we felt the need to stop banging our heads off the wall and go out in search of solace … and a scone! It seems almost unbelievable that it was more than four years ago that we first reported on Canada Wood Kitchen and Bar. That means that we have been writing this nonsense for at least that amount of time. Yes, we really should get a life! And the sooner the better we hear you cry!

Back then Canada Wood was a brand spanking new venture. Everyone, including us, wondered if it could be successful in such an isolated spot – out of town and kind of “in the middle of nowhere”. We needn’t have worried. It has thrived, due in no small part to the fact that Falkirk has been voted “Britain’s Best Walking Neighbourhood”. Canada Wood is on the town’s vast path network and therefore does well from walkers and cyclists. Also motorists have now realised that a high quality restaurant exists just a short drive from the town. It has great food and there is plenty of parking so it is hardly surprising that it has also become one of our regular haunts. It’s progress has not been entirely straight forward, however, and just a few months ago it came under new management.

Tip off

Back in 2015 we were impressed by the place but felt the scones left a lot to be desired. They were not made on the premises and they were gigantic. Each scone could easily have fed three people! Recently, however, we got had a tip-off that the new management were baking everything on site. Investigation was required.

The staff, as always, were friendly and welcoming and soon had us supplied with some lunch and a scone to share … a ginger scone no less. Everything was first class. If there was a criticism it was that the jam was Tiptree, from Essex. Nothing whatsoever wrong with this jam however it would have been nice to have something a bit more local. This was our first ginger scone and it was delicious. Always difficult to know what to have with such an item, however, we went for the full monty … jam and cream! It was great. The ginger flavour was quite fulsome and the texture was lovely. We decided on a topweird. Well done Canada Wood … if only the Labour party could sort out its problems as well!

Right hand, left hand?

When it comes to the issue of Scottish Independence, the Labour party has covered itself in glory yet again. They have announced that as far as they are concerned all the Scottish Parliament has to do is ask the ‘English’ Parliament for permission for another referendum? What is that all about? Then they threaten that if Scotland were ever to leave the Union, Nessie would also leave and take up residence in the Lake District. We suspect that this second assertion is probably untrue because none of the puddles in England are any where near big enough for Nessie. You are asked to contact the Labour party as and when they have the slightest inkling of what they are doing. Don’t hold your breath.

FK1 3AZ tel: 01324 610026 Canada Wood Kitchen

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ps Perhaps K6 telephone box officiandos should look away now. This may be too much for their sensitive souls to bear. It was sent to us by our Friockeim correspondents who just happened to be in Gretna Green. Where else would you find a pink K6 decorated like this?These Friockeim folks also paint rocks and then hide them?? They do that in the hope that someone will find them, preferably a child, record it and then rehide them. Don’t ask! Apparently it’s regarded as normal behaviour in beautiful Angus. After all it’s no weirder than the antics of the Labour party. You can catch them on Facebook.

Mant thanks to them for passing this on, we look forward to many more from the Angus glens.

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

The Topiary Coffee Shop

9 July 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

We were on a mission and the mission was … compost! For reasons too complex to enter in to here, we needed compost … a lot of compost! Our supplier was to be here at the Klondyke Garden Centre on the outskirts of Falkirk. They are dealers and the deal was three bags for £12. We ended up getting fifteen 50litre bags … that’s a lot of compost. Don’t worry it’s not as bad as cocaine and it’s not even a regular habit … we are binge composters. Probably won’t touch it again for a year or so.

Principles

Having got our compost fix safely loaded into the car and feeling a bit giddy just at the thought of it all, we thought we should try a scone at the Topiary Coffee Shop. Perhaps it was the mind altering effects of all that compost but here’s another confession.

You all know our thoughts on preloaded scones. They are the devil’s work and to be avoided at all costs. Well maybe not “at all costs”. Sadly, today at the Topiary Coffee Shop, we stood there and worked it out. To buy a fruit scone and then add butter and jam, all priced separately, was going to be more expensive than a preloaded one. Unbelievably we went for preloaded … arrgghh, what happened to principles? They were, of course, overcome by Scottishness! But we should have known that too much compost was bound to have an effect! Serves us right, the scone was awful … hard and tasteless. when we informed the staff that their scones were not great they informed us they had been baked in the morning. They did not say which morning however. The coffee was good though.

The art of shaping

Topiary, of course, is the art of shaping something natural into an unnatural form e.g. hedges into swans … that sort of thing. Topiary came to mind as we watched the two Tory leadership contenders bumble their way through their hustings in Scotland. Both looked as if they would rather be anywhere else than north of the border. Neither looked like they could be shaped into anything useful. Boris Johnston’s assertion that Scotland’s block grant, was a gift from England, didn’t help. Jeremy Hunt’s wild eyed assertion that the problem with the Scottish Parliament was that it was full of nationalist MPs, didn’t help either.

A lot more creative topiary will be required if these characters are ever to be formed into something remotely acceptable to the vast majority of Scots, however, one of them is destined to rule over us for the foreseeable future. The cream of topiarists are trying to form Corbyn into something recogniseable … anything would do! He seems to determined, however, to remain a hedge. More compost please!

FK2 0XS tel: 01324 717035 Topiary

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Scones, weird

The Almond Tree Café

17 June 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

We have been aware of the Almond Tree Café in our home town of Falkirk for many moons but for some reason have never ventured inside. Maybe it’s because it’s tucked away from the main shopping area near what used to be the Glasgow Buildings. A huge tenement which, at one time, housed hundreds of people right in the town centre. When folk complain that the centre of Falkirk is dying they probably forget that not so long ago, lots of people actually lived in or near the High Street. It made the town centre much more vibrant than it is today. Now, no one lives there.

Where the Glasgow Buildings used to be is now a car park. The only good thing that can be said about it is that parking is free after 3pm. Hence we were using it this afternoon. That’s how we ended up at the Almond Tree Café.

Thunderbolts

It is quite a big modern place, with a large seating area upstairs. Ssurprise, surprise, turns out that it is part of the adjacent Struthers Memorial Church. It had never occurred to us that the two were connected in any way. The bookshop full of Christian books and the fact that the almond tree is mentioned quite a lot in the Bible (Aaron’s rod etc) should, perhaps, have made it pretty obvious. Sometimes we can be a bit slow on the uptake. The Struthers MC is a Pentacostal church founded on the memory of the Rev J P Struthers. He was a powerful preacher and children’s author in Greenock until his death in 1915. He was actually struck down at a relatively young age while preaching. Must have said something wrong!

Bizarre systems

Many regard the SMC as a cult where they think of themselves as anointed and speak in tongues. Not exactly our cup of tea but, lo and behold, they did have scones … cherry and coconut scones to be precise. Weird scones to go with their weird servery. You pay for what you want then you have to walk round the a corner to collect a cup then bring it back and fill it up from a machine … bizarre. They definitely need some divine guidance here or even plain common sense would do. At the end of the day the scones were actually very good though the coffee wasn’t great nor were the people behind the counter. Probably volunteers so perhaps we shouldn’t criticise too much.

The SMC only has about 300 members over seven or eight bases in the UK so goodness knows how they make it pay. The Almond Tree itself is only open about five hours a day Tuesday to Saturday which wouldn’t make it a successful business and the shutters were down as we were leaving at 3.30pm??

Anyway, speaking in tongues, or glossolalia as it is properly known, is defined as: the fluid vocalising of speech-like syllables that lack any readily comprehended meaning. The Secretary of State for Scotland, David ‘Fluffy’ Mundell, has raised glossolalia to dizzying new heights at Westminster this week. It’s ironic that Westminster is defending what it is doing in the name of democracy. Have they forgotten that devolution was forced on an extremely unwilling UK by the EU. Why? Because the UK was deemed the most undemocratic state in Europe and the EU felt that devolution would give parts of the UK some sort of say in how they were governed.

Wringing hands

Now, Fluffy, a complete waste of oxygen where representing Scotland’s interests is concerned, has decreed that decisions taken in the Scottish Parliament are of no value whatsoever if Westminster just happens to disagree with them. What sort of devolution is that? He has also said that Scotland is no longer a partner in the UK, we are part of the UK. When did that happen? The UK is registered with the UN as: 2 countries (England and Scotland), 1 principality (Wales) and 1 province (N. Ireland). It probably doesn’t matter any more … the Union is bust. Meanwhile the Labour party has mastered the difficult art of simultaneously wringing their hands whilst sitting on them. Little wonder the SNP has seen its membership sore in the past few days.

FK1 1PW tel: 01324 626000 The Almond Tree

Ordinary, Scones

Second Cup

27 January 2017 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

You all know by now that scones come in a variety of guises. Some are so light you almost have to peg them down, others could be used as door stops. But scones are also incredibly versatile, e.g. we have just recently realised that they can even be used as a measure of cultural diversity. You would, of course, have to use a, yet to be invented, sconometer. With a scale of 1-10, it would scan the surrounding area and determine how many scone bearing establishments there were within it. Places like the melting pot that is the Portobello Road here in London might struggle to generate a 1 due to the lack of scones in its abundant cafés and restaurants. You can get all sorts of other strange and unrecognisable things … but not scones.

Photo of interior of Second Cup, Portobello Road, London — Downstairs eating area

Sconometers

We walked the entire length of the Market in subzero temperatures only to find that most of these places had barely heard of scones let alone serve them. We just got lots of quizzical looks, as if we were slightly mad? Okay, we know that a lot of you think that we are completely mad but bear with us. You see, some areas, such as our own home turf in Scotland, would probably generate a high reading, say 8 or 9, due to almost every café and eating-house offering scones as part of their everyday fare. According to the sconometer that area would be deemed to be not very culturally diverse. And compared to the Portobello Road, that would be completely accurate! See, not mad at all!

These days the sconometer would have to take the form of an app. It would, not only provide a scone distribution readout wherever you are, but also lead you to the nearest or best scone. Invaluable in places like this. Sooo, given our somewhat dire circumstances, who do you think ended up coming to our rescue? None other than a bunch of Canadians in the form of the Second Cup Coffee Company … ehh?

Swithering

We have never come across Second Cup before. However, it has been around since 1975 and is run from Mississauga in the Toronto area. It now has franchises covering 29 countries. When we did an initial visual sweep of the counter however we thought we had come across yet another scone desert. However, when we asked, the assistant pointed to two solitary scones amongst all the other cakes and pastries … hallelujah! It has to be said though that these lonesome items did not look particularly appetising. Quite the opposite … but it had to be done! Would this count as our first Canadian scone??

Whatever they did to them between leaving their cabinet and landing in front of us, it looked like it would be our first grilled scone as well? Life on the edge, as always! When we looked over at the sad wee empty space these scones had vacated we felt that perhaps we should just have left them there. For their sake, and ours! When we started to eat them however we were very pleasantly surprised. They were very good and in spite of the ubiquitous tub of cornish cream we found ourselves swithering about topscone … really?

Glitzy neighbours

It was an odd kind of place. Friendly enough without anyone actually being particularly friendly. Most staff were too busy on their mobile phones! Perhaps they were using the scone app to find out if anyone in the area was setting up in competition? Plus, you would think with a name like Second Cup they would offer a ‘second cup’ but no, they didn’t. At the end of the day we decided that, although the scone itself was good, it was let down by everything else … no topscone.

The scones here reminded us of Scotland’s position in relation to the rest of the UK. Just a little scone surrounded by much bigger sticky pastries and flamboyant cakes. Powerless to make itself seen, never mind heard. With the recent Law Lords ruling, the Scottish Parliament has been exposed as nothing other than the talking shop the UK government always intended it to be. Powerless to carry out Scotland’s wishes! It’s time for change!

As we were leaving Second Cup we glanced over to the cabinet to see that … lo and behold, two new scones had replaced our ones. It may have been our imaginations, but they seemed to be standing rather proudly among their more glitzy neighbours. Could it be a sign?

There are lots of pretty esoteric apps out there so, who knows, the sconometer app might yet become a reality. In the meantime, however, thankyou Canada for rescuing us!

W11 1LJ tel: 020 7460 0633 Second Cup Coffee Company

self-service

The Scottish Parliament

11 December 2015 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Well, well, well, look where we are. Once you have endured the airport style security this is quite a pleasant building to be in. Not grand and imposing like it’s southern counterpart, but friendly and, even with the slightly austere design, welcoming. It’s very much a talking shop, rather than a coffee shop (is there a difference). Although we have been here several times before it has never been when the Parliament has been in session. The hope was that today was to be one of glorious enlightenment .. and maybe a scone.

But, for the moment, never mind the controversies raging in the debating chamber, the entire history of the Scottish Parliament is highly controversial. In spite of the very British illusion of democracy embedded in the ‘Mother of Parliaments’ and all that, almost thirty years ago the EU found the UK to be one of the most undemocratic states in the EU. As a result the European Commission forced devolution on John Major’s government to try and create more localised accountability. Major hated the whole idea but was perhaps fortunate in being deposed and able to hand on the poisoned chalice to Tony Blair. He hated it just as much, if not more.

In fact he hated it so much that on the eve of the inauguration of the Scottish Parliament he secretly redrew the border between Scotland and England. It meant that the ownership of seven North Sea oil fields were transferred to England with consequentially dramatic effects on each country’s GDP figures. Presumably it was in case the Scots got a bit above themselves.

Controversy also followed the construction program with an eventual cost overrun of almost £400m .. ouch!!

Designed by a Catalan architect, Enric Miralles, it has been described it as “a Celtic-Spanish cocktail to blow both minds and budgets. It doesn’t play safe, energetically mining a new seam of National Romanticism refined and reinterpreted for the twenty-first century”. Whatever, we rather like it.
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Rapprochement

The debating chamber is built above the public areas to remind those in it that they are only there at the behest of those below them. Not sure that bit is working too well but the theory is good. We already know that the First Minister is a dab hand at making scones but if the 129 MSPs had anything to do with the scones in the tearoom, there must have been some sort of cross party rapprochement. They were not too bad .. nowhere near topscone but quite good all the same. Pre-packaged jam; butter a bit too hard; on the expensive side for self-service. Perhaps a scone designed by a committee?

We listened with interest to a session in the chamber but much of it was fairly opaque. A plethora of acronyms, can make it difficult to follow proceedings if you are not familiar with each and every one. Nevertheless we did find it an enlightening experience and it was good to see it all in full flow.

Searching for democracy

You would think that with the formation of the Scottish Parliament that the UK democracy issue would have dramatically improved. It hasn’t. If anything this place is akin to a sticking plaster. Recently, 97% of Scottish MPs voted against bombing Syria, but you all know what happened there. There are countless examples like this; nuclear weapons; the EU; trade union laws; the Scotland Bill; human rights; tax credits, where the Scottish voice matters not a jot. If you live in Scotland it is almost pointless voting. Any system where one set of MPs is outnumbered 12 to 1 is self evidently flawed and certainly not geared to Scotland’s best interests.

If Scotland were not in a union with England and the top 100 UK secondhand car salesmen were given the task of selling the current union deal to the Scottish electorate they would not have a snowball’s. On top of all this the current government is intent on reducing our democracy even further. Chipping away at trade unions and eroding our human rights. They might as well be open about it and hand the whole thing over to the corporates and banksters who actually run everything at the moment. It’s enough to make you choke on your committee scone!

EH99 1SP tel: 0131 348 5200 The Scottish Parliament

Scones, history and a dollop of politics