Tag Archives: Norway

Alianti Bonne Bouche

You can probably tell that with a highfalutin name like Alianti Bonne Bouche that we are not in Scotland any more. We’re in London imposing on family. Even down here though the name is a bit confusing! Bonne Bouche kind of means ‘tasty bite’. We can go with that but Alianti is Italian for ‘gliders’ … no comprendes!Internal view of Alianti in Richmond

Confusion

Actually this place is confusing and it’s not just the name. There are no toilet or hand washing facilities and in our old fashioned naive  kind of way we thought that that wasn’t allowed these days. An enquiry about these facilities elicits a brusque “don’t have any” from the unsurprisingly surly and cross legged staff. Things were not getting off to the best of starts. There were two scones on the counter and that was it. She said “we don’t have cream but there’s strawberry jam. Would we like that?” Rather than just have a dry scone we replied in the affirmative. Then she added “There’s butter as well. Would we like that?” Boy, they really know how to show people a good time down here! To be fair, she did offer to toast the scones which was great because they looked at least a couple of days old.

External view of Alianti in Richmond
Paved Court leads to Ted Lasso’s flat and the pub used in the TV series

On the upside, it was a lovely day so we sat out in Paved Court which isn’t a ‘court’, more a narrow  little lane that runs down the side of the cafe. Is there no end to the confusion? A scone at Alianti in RichmondFrom a sconological point of view, suffice to say that this experience was just a whisker short of catastrophic. The coffee was nice but other than that there was nothing to commend it. If we were ever to return they would have to drop the ‘bonne bouche’ and have a large illuminated sign advertising their brand spanking new toilets. We are not holding our breath!.

She asked!

Our sojourn at Alianti was actually very enjoyable. Nothing to do with the fare we are served but a lot to do with the two ladies sitting at the next table. They were great fun! One was from Germany but had spent most of her life in the US. She was keen to know why Scotland wanted to separate from England. So many reasons … where to start?

Internal view of Alianti in Richmond
Interior of Alianti

Norway has just published that they expect to get £120 billion in tax revenues from North Sea oil in 2023. Scotland has the same amount of oil but gets nothing … it all goes to Westminster. They then waste it on vanity projects in London. Then there’s the lies. Not little porky pie type lies but great big humungous lies. Obviously not big enough to embarrass Boris Johnson, no lies are that big but big nevertheless!

In 2014 we had the referendum on Scottish independence. We were told then that there was only a dribble of oil left. Hardly enough to last the year. Never mind the green issues, a couple of weeks ago Rishi Sunak issued 100 brand new drilling licences with hundreds more to follow. There’s loads of oil! In 2014 we were told that the only way Scotland could stay in the EU was to stick with England. Two years later Brexit ensured that Scotland was dragged, kicking and screaming, out of the EU.

Two Carron K6s with Ted Lasso's pub in the background
At the other end of Paved Court, two cast iron telephone kiosks made in Falkirk with Ted Lasso’s pub in the background,

Also, never mind that Scotland has a devolved government that wants independence or that almost all the Westminster MPs who represent Scotland also want independence, it doesn’t make the slightest difference. All the important powers are retained by England. We could have gone on: the BBC, monarchy, land ownership, the Barnett formula but by this time she was wishing she had never asked!

Morality?

Economics are all well and good but for us it’s simply a moral question. Why should one country be able to deny another country the right to determine its own future. It’s equivalent to Canada having to ask permissions from the US. Canadians would tolerate that for slightly less than a split nanosecond! 

We bade farewell to our new enlightened friends and headed off in search of a real bonne bouche!

TW9 1NF      tel: 020 8332 2001         Alianti

///saying.sport.manliness

Brodick Castle – Again

This visit to Brodick Castle was back in 2016 in cahoots with the Scottish Wildlife Trust. Things were better then. For one thing, I was four years younger and my arthritic hands had not deteriorated to the extent they have today. I mention this because it raises an important question. 

Pat and I are muddling through this COVID-19 isolation business as best we can. The other day, however, while trying to extract a cork from a bottle of prosecco I noticed I was having some difficulty. So what is the question? Well, women have babies; they have to contend with everything mother nature throws at them; wear high heels; look beautiful; put up with men all while being sensible. So, if a man can’t even pop a cork … what’s left? It’s okay I’m not un dergoing some sort of crisis … I don’t think? Anyway back to the wonderful Isle of Arran.

On the opposite side of Brodick Bay from our hotel stands the imposing Brodick Castle. We have been here before but having looked across the water at it for the past few days we thought another visit might be worthwhile. But first, so that you can get this scone in context, a little history.

King Hakon and all that

Some sort of fortification has been on this site since at least the fifth century. By the tenth century, Norse influence had grown, and Arran was controlled by King Hakon of Norway. However, when some Scottish upstarts began to question his authority, he sent a large fighting fleet to sort things out. That resulted in the Battle of Largs in 1263 … which he lost. He retreated to Brodick and then to Orkney where he died the following yeBrodick Castle 03ar. The ensuing Treaty of Perth in 1266 ceded Arran and other islands to the Kingdom of Scotland. Oliver Cromwell occupied the castle for a while and then it fell to the Hamilton family who occupied it for several centuries. In 1957 it was gifted to the nation by the Duchess of Montrose to avoid death duties. The National Trust for Scotland eventually took it over.. and now we are here!

Scottish produce

The grounds are immaculately kept and there is a tearoom for visitors but of course today we’re sitting outside in the spring sunshine. Like most NTS places, it is self-service so we duBrodick Castle 05ly selected a mixture of cheese and fruit scones. Sometimes, if we are feeling particularly daring, we mix things up and have half each. Everything was fine though we can sometimes get a little irritated by the presence of the ubiquitous tubs of Rodda’s cornish cream. The Arran Creamery is just down the road, do we really have to bring it all the way from Cornwall? The jam was from Manchester … c’mon NTS! Do you know what the ‘S’ in your name stands for? What must tourists think?

Brodick Castle 07The scones were very nice but not quite nice enough for a topscone. We got plenty exercise chasing fly away napkins but, all in all, it was a lovely scone-break in a beautiful setting.

MacBraynes

We have probably travelled on a couple of dozen ferries over the past year or so and, as a consequence, have become quite familiar with Caledonian MacBrayne. It was once said that “God gave us the earth and MacBraynes the Western Isles”. A slight, inferring that the ferry company held the islands to ransom. There may have been an element of truth in that at one time but, with the introduction of RET (Road Equivalent Tariff), not any more. Our trip to Arran, involving four ferries, cost a grand total of just over £50 for a car and four passengers. Not too bad at all!

Building ships in Scotland again

 So, we are delighted with the news that the Scottish government, in the face of all the EU regulations, have managed to award the ongoing £900m contract to publicly owned CalMac over privately owned Serco. And build their ships on the Clyde. Even King Hakon would have been proud.Brodick Castle 02

We had walked along the beach to Brodick Castle from our hotel but decided to get the bus back. Brodick Castle 08The bus stop on the main road opposite the castle entrance makes waiting for the bus a real pleasure. There were seals sunning themselves on a rock and an oystercatcher’s nest on the seaward side of the wall. You are almost annoyed when the bus comes.

Amongst other things, today we saw siskins, sedge warblers, guillemots and red-legged partridges. Alas, still no eagles.

KA27 8HY       tel: 0844 493 2152           Brodick

We may owe Boris an apology. He has singlehandedly broken the UK up into its constituent parts. Bravo! It has always been thus, of course, but before now Westminster and the media have always thought of the UK as ‘a country’ rather than a ‘state’ made up of four equal countries. Okay, two countries, a Principality and a province to be precise but you know what we mean. Boris has unwittingly downgraded himself, to Prime Minister of England, the selfless wee soul that he is.

Still got £5.36 in my pocket

ARRAN SHED

A shed at the Kilmichael Hotel, Isle of Arran
A shed at the Kilmichael Hotel on Arran

The Beast from the East

This is not a proper scone post. It is simply an attempt to reassure all those kind sconeys (particularly those in the southern hemisphere) who have enquired after our well-being in the face of the Beast from the East. Putin’s gift to the west. We are fine, though things in general are pretty bad e.g. pastries from Greggs have been declared legal tender!

The title picture is of our car which hasn’t moved for almost a week. We can hear readers in Canada and Norway screaming “they call that snow”? Okay, okay, don’t mock! Unlike you, when we get snow, we  just wait for it to go away the next day. But this time it has been here for days! Nothing in Britain has moved much in the last week … very few cars on the roads, no trains, no flights. But you know all that!

Let us give you an instance about how Britain is coping. Yesterday, late afternoon, we decided to venture out as far as our local pub just to get out and have a walk if nothing else. We walked along the middle of the road, standing aside every time a car came along … only two passed. There was no one else out, the whole place was eerily quiet. We fully expected the pub to be  deserted, just a few hardy regulars, but no, it was ramjammed, we could hardly get in! We asked the harassed looking barmaid why it was so busy “cos nobody’s at their efing work” was the reply. That’s how Britain copes … just go to the pub!

State of ecstasy

We don’t have any pictures of scones to share but we are sending you this one of a partial scone. It was sent by one of our correspondents who has a home office at the bottom of his garden. His wife had baked some scones and braved the snow and the icy wind to bring some, complete with apricot jam, to her beloved. He thought that he would send us a picture but, in his heightened state of ecstasy, promptly forgot until there was barely anything left.What's left of a scone and apricot jam

Normal service

We can only apologise dear readers, but good competent scone correspondents are difficult to come by these days ..  a bit like politicians. We had to admire Theresa May saying that the EU would have to compromise. Is there a thinly veiled threat in there “if you don’t compromise we won’t leave”? Once again, thanks for all your concern. Hopefully we will be out and about very soon and normal sconology will be resumed.

Brodick Castle

On the opposite side of Brodick Bay from our hotel stands the imposing Brodick Castle. We have been here before but having looked across the water at it for the past few days we thought another visit might be worthwhile. But first, so that you can get this scone in context, a little history.

King Hakon and all that

Some sort of fortification has been on this site since at least the fifth century. By the tenth century Norse influence had grown, and Arran was controlled by King Hakon of Norway. However, when some Scottish upstarts began to question his authority, he sent a large fighting fleet to sort things out. That resulted in the Battle of Largs in 1263 … which he lost. He retreated to Brodick and then to Orkney where he died the following yeBrodick Castle 03ar. The ensuing Treaty of Perth in 1266 ceded Arran and other islands to the Kingdom of Scotland. Oliver Cromwell occupied the castle for a while and then it fell to the Hamilton family who occupied it for several centuries. In 1957 it was gifted to the nation by the Duchess of Montrose to avoid death duties. The National Trust for Scotland eventually took it over.. and now we are here!

Scottish produce

The grounds are immaculately kept and there is a tearoom for visitors but of course today we’re sitting outside in the spring sunshine. Like most NTS places, it is self-service so we duBrodick Castle 05ly selected a mixture of cheese and fruit scones. Sometimes, if we are feeling particularly daring, we mix things up and have half each. Everything was fine though we can sometimes get a little irritated by the presence of the ubiquitous tubs of Rodda’s cornish cream. The Arran Creamery is just down the road, do we really have to bring it all the way from Cornwall? The jam was from Manchester … c’mon NTS! Do you know what the ‘S’ in your name stands for? What must tourists think?

Brodick Castle 07The scones were very nice but not quite nice enough for a topscone. We got plenty exercise chasing fly away napkins but, all in all, it was a lovely scone-break in a beautiful setting.

MacBraynes

We have probably traveled on a couple of dozen ferries over the past year or so and, as a consequence, have become quite familiar with Caledonian MacBrayne. It was once said that “God gave us the earth and MacBraynes the Western Isles”. A slight, inferring that the ferry company held the islands to ransom. There may have been an element of truth in that at one time but, with the introduction of RET (Road Equivalent Tariff), not any more. Our trip to Arran, involving four ferries, cost a grand total of just over £50 for a car and four passengers. Not too bad at all!

Building ships in Scotland again

So, we are delighted with the news that the Scottish government, in the face of all the EU regulations, have managed to award the ongoing £900m contract to publicly owned CalMac over privately owned Serco. And build their ships on the Clyde. Even King Hakon would have been proud.Brodick Castle 02

We had walked along the beach to Brodick Castle from our hotel but decided to get the bus back. Brodick Castle 08The bus stop on the main road opposite the castle entrance makes waiting for the bus a real pleasure. There were seals sunning themselves on a rock and an oystercatcher’s nest on the seaward side of the wall. You are almost annoyed when the bus comes.

Amongst other things, today we saw siskins, sedge warblers, guillemots and red-legged partridges. Alas, still no eagles.

KA27 8HY       tel: 0844 493 2152           Brodick

Roasted and Toasted

This place, Roasted and Toasted, came second in the Falkirk Herald’s  2015 cafe competition. Goodness knows what criterion they were using. It is one of these places we find intensely annoying. A family run business you desperately want to support but which is ignoring some business fundamentals.

Fundamentals
  • The coffee was tasteless .. like it had been watered down. Costa and Cafe Nero know their coffee and are both just a few meters away and packed out with customers. Go taste the difference.
  • Decor is what we would call ‘extreme bland’.
  • Lighting unimaginative. Not helped by the fact that about 40% of the lights had failed and not been replaced so adding to the overall slightly depressing atmosphere.
  • Lots of lifestyle messages that make you slightly nauseous e.g. “when it rains, look for rainbows” .. how about “in a coffee house look for a decent cup of coffee”!
  • Scones not homebaked.
  • Tables only seemed to be cleared when somebody needed them.
  • Not bothered to take the name of the previous occupants off their street canopy.

R&T 02

 

Now all this is a shame because the service is very friendly, hard working and generally trying  hard to please the customers. They asked if we wanted our scones heated in a microwave. Pat is firmly of the opinion that a microwave does scones no favours, so they offered to grill them .. nice touch. We previously had this done at Ardanasaig, and it was great, so we happily accepted the offer. Unfortunately it meant we had to wait ages and when they eventually came they had been heated in an oven rather than grilled .. but the thought was there and it was appreciated. R&T 03Sad though that they are putting in so much effort but ignoring some of the basics. With more attention to detail it could be transformed .. but then again it has been a pretty sad week.

EVEL
  • ‘Roasted and toasted’ could easily describe the current state of the Union after the poorly thought out EVEL (English Votes for English Laws) was successfully rushed through the Commons as a Standing Order. It hasn’t been done for constitutional reasons but rather for narrow political reasons. It means, for the first time since 1707, MPs are no longer equal. Of course, it has gone completely unreported by the BBC and most of the press.
  • One unelected head of state met another unelected head of state in a grotesque orgy of gold carriages, bearskin hats and obscene banquets in order to let all those using food banks how lucky they are. As a result of all this feting the Chinese will build a nuclear reactor for us. that is provided we pay double the going rate for electricity .. brilliant! The Chinese, of course, have a huge sovereign wealth fund second only to Norway. Just think .. if Scotland had become independent 30 years ago Cameron would be coming here with his begging bowl.
  • You may not have been worrying about this but it transpires that the Treason Felony Act 1848 has not been repealed after all. This act makes it a criminal offence, punishable by life imprisonment, to advocate abolition of the monarchy in print, even by peaceful means. The Ministry of Justice said that it had been repealed but then admitted that it hadn’t .. oops!

Roasted and Toasted can ignore all this, of course, they have more urgent matters to attend to.

FK1 1EY         tel: 01324 629117       Roasted and Toasted FB

The Milk Barn

Well here we are at The Milk Barn on the south side of Falkirk on a dull chilly day. The upcoming General Election has well and truly kicked off with all parties promising more scones tomorrow. Main issues seem to be: 1. should banker type folk get more cream on their jammy scones 2. should ordinary folk (i.e. not bankers), get any jam 3. is the EU meddling with our scones 4. should folks north of the border be allowed to call their scones Scottish instead of British.

Appealing MPs

Being Scottish the last one is of particular interest because once again the main unionist parties are demonstrating tInternal view of the Milk Barn, Falkirkheir complete lack of comprehension of what Scotland and its scones are about and in so doing seem to risk the Union itself. From a sconologist point of view, the unionist parties should really be promoting United Bakeries, who make brilliant scones. Unfortunately they are in Norway .. which isn’t even in the EU. So maybe not. Interesting though that all MPs are effectively sacked and then have to win back their jobs by appealing to us folk. Not only with scones, but probably with jam and cream as well. It will be an interesting few weeks.

The Milk Barn is a great bit of diversification by the Reid family who run Glen Farm. It’s probably not the sort of place to go if you don’t have children. The noise levels can be pretty high. On the other hand if you do have children it is a must do destination. There’s a great play area inside for smaller kids. An adventure playground outside for the bigger ones. A large grassed area for playing football. A fab ice cream parlour where you can watch it actually being made.

Fibreglass cows

You can even milk Glenda the life-size fibreglass cow! So great fun if you are looking for the kids to be entertained while you try and sneak in a quiet cup of tea and, of course, a scone.
Milk Bar sconeThe scones are home baked and although mine was an odd shape it tasted fine and butter and jam were provided free. Oh, and fab strawberry tarts

The place is busy most of the time. However, although the staff were run of their feet they still managed to be smiley and friendly .. well done.

FK1 3AA                       tel: 01324 630703                       Milk Barn