Tag Archives: Mary Queen of Scots

Scones, topbagnascone, topweird

Callendar House 3

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We’ve reviewed the scones at Callendar House twice before,  once in 2015 and again in 2017. With a seven year gap we thought readers  would be ready for an update.

Wall covering in Callendar House
Wall covering in the tearoom

Callendar House, which used to be owned by the Forbes family, lies about a hundred yards south of the Antonine Wall which the Romans built all the way across Scotland. It formed the northern edge of their Empire. The southern edge was bounded by Arabia and the Sahara desert. They regarded everything south of the Antonine Wall as “civilised” and everything north as “barbaric and more bother than it’s worth”. The Romans are long gone but that view hasn’t changed much over the intervening two millennia. FYI, our house lies on the civilised side … obviously!

Dangers of crinoline dresses

Actually, we just decided to take a walk round the small loch that lies to the east of the house. Something we hadn’t done in a long time. Back in the day, all grand houses had a loch of their own and it wasn’t simply a conceit on the part of the owners. In the absence of any kind of organised public fire fighting service a loch was seen as essential as a readily available water supply in the event of an inferno.

Probably not much use when people like Oliver Cromwell were deliberately trying to set fire to the place but even in peace times, conflagrations  were seen as relatively likely given the number of ladies in crinoline dresses swishing about in front of open fires under a multitude of candelabras. Of course, even if you had your own loch, it would still have been difficult if there was only you and a bucket. You needed servants and lots of them but, of course, that wasn’t a problem for the aristocracy.

Gentrification

If you’ve ever had ambitions, or even just wondered how to become an aristocrat perhaps we can help.  Back in 1783 Callendar House and the Estate that encompassed most of Falkirk was being sold by auction. The Earl of Errol (an oven ready aristocrat) had high ambitions at the auction but was eventually outbid by an upstart scrap merchant, one William Forbes, from Aberdeen. Eyebrows were raised. Not only that, in true scrap merchant style, he pulled the cash from his hip pocket and paid for it on the spot. Subsequently he became Sir William Forbes, 1st Lord of Callendar … and that’s how you join the aristocracy. Common as muck one day and a Knight of the Realm the next! Probably wasn’t quite like that but you catch our drift.Internal view of Callendar House

A new experience

Although Callendar House is pretty much in the centre of Falkirk most towns folk had never been anywhere near it. The Forbes kept it very private. However, in 1963 the local Council took it over, opened it up to the public and established a cafe for non-aristocrats like ourselves. After our walk it was nice to get inside and settle down with some coffee. And we could either have a plain or, surprise, surprise, a milk chocolate and strawberry scone. In the interests of expanding  reader’s sconological knowledge we rather tentatively opted for the latter.

View from tearoom in Callendar House
View from the tearoom


On previous visits we have been quite critical of this tearoom. To us, it never seems to ever reach its full potential. We could still level that accusation now but at least on this occasion there were staff on hand and we were attended to promptly and quite pleasantly if not smilingly.  Still no cream but the scone itself was really nice … no crunchiness but fresh and moist. With this combination there was really no need for jam or cream, it was delicious just with a little butter. A topweird scone!

Provost lamps at Callendar House
Newly refurbished cast iron Provost lamps installed at the back of the house
Agreements

In 1565 the marriage agreement between Mary Queen of Scots and the French Dauphin, Francis was signed in Callendar House. External view of Callendar HouseIt provided that Scotland and France should eventually be united as one kingdom,  We all know how that went. Since then Scotland has been in Europe and then back out again … better to hold onto something if you are starting to feel a bit dizzy. Westminster has now reached some sort of agreement in N.Ireland to restore power-sharing at Stormont. It seems Westminster is going to try to persuade the EU that nothing has changed and that N. Ireland is still in the EU rather than the UK while simultaneously persuading everyone else of the opposite. With Westminster’s well honed skills in duplicity, they may well succeed!

FK1 1YR          tel: 01324 503775         Callendar House Tearoom

///wishes.dozen.parks

Ordinary, Scones

aran

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Just over a year ago we reported from ‘Aran’ in Falkirk and it got pretty close to a topscone award. It has since closed and today’s ‘Aran’ is in Linlithgow but run by the same people. In our  original Aran post we said we would report from the Linlithgow establishment at some point in the future … so here we are!Internal view of Aran Linlithgow

Linlithgow is a very picturesque historic town and this cafe sits not more than two hundred yards from the Palace where Mary Queen of Scots was born in 1542. Unfortunately Aran is housed in a large 60s architectural monstrosity that does no favours to the town whatsoever. A plaque on the wall, however,  indicates that it won a design award from the Saltire Society. What were they thinking?Saltire Society Award

You will remember, of course, that “aran” is Gaelic for “bread”. They take great pride in their sustainability and sourcing local produce. They bake everything themselves using 100% renewable electricity as well as recycling  75% of their waste. Highly commendable but what would their scones also be highly commendable?

Topless

Over the past year we have had our fair share of scone disasters. Aside from the relatively few places that have had below average scones, A scone at Aran Linlithgowthere have been places with no scones and others with outlandish flavour combinations. Here, however, we had another kind of disaster … topless scones! Because I had ordered a bowl of soup Pat went ahead and chopped the top of our shared scone before I could take a photo. Not only that she had eaten it before I even noticed. This is the first time we have posted a photograph of a topless scone and I cannot tell a lie … it was her! However, she did say that the top was very good and with cream it would have been a topscone. The bottom was delicious as well … one of the best bottoms I’ve tasted!  So not quite a topscone but highly commendable.Logo of Aran Linlithgow

Goodwill

This is the season of merriment and goodwill to all men (for men read men, women and everything in between and beyond). However, sitting here looking at the world from Linlithgow, where the town motto is “be kind to strangers”, we’re not seeing much in the way goodwill. No-one seems to have told the Putins, Sunaks, Ali Khameneis, Bidens, Netanyahus. However, here in Scotland, in three days time we will have our shortest day at slightly less than seven hours. From then on the days start to stretch and we begin again with renewed hope that all these guys mentioned above will try to enact that motto.

Pat and I are getting ready for the usual deluge of grandkids so sconological adventures may have to be left to one side over the festive season. We thank all our readers for your continued loyal support and wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and sconey 2024. 

EH49 7EY          tel: 01506 844477            aran FB

///stumpy.excusing.beaters

Ordinary, Scones

The Old Mill

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You might think that Mary Queen of Scots crops up quite a lot in this blog. George Buchanan Monument in KillearnHonestly, it’s only because there are reminders of her dramatic but short life everywhere we go. Today we are at the Old Mill in the village of Killearn and almost directly opposite is the imposing, 103 feet high obelisk – the George Buchanan Monument. It dominates the house where he was born in 1506. George was Mary’s tutor as well as tutor to her son King James VI. George was educated in Paris and was seen as one of the leading intellectuals of the time. However, we’re not too sure he made such a great job of James … and thereby hangs a tale.

In 1589 the twenty three year old James married the fourteen year old Anne of Denmark by proxy. She was in Denmark and he was in Scotland. Earl Marshall substituted for James, and ‘consummated’ the marriage by lying fully clothed on a bed next to his new Queen.  What kind of job is that? Eventually she sailed to Scotland but a storm meant she ended up in Norway. James sailed to Norway and they were married in Oslo and honeymooned in Scandinavia for three months before eventually reaching Edinburgh in yet another storm. James blamed these storms on witches. He became obsessed with witches. Church leaders decreed that witches had to be punished with fire thus kicking off a century of horrendous witch burning. Pity help you if you were the slightest bit odd or your neighbours complained about you.

Woman of the year 1590

The marriage between Anne and James wasn’t exactly blissful.  Within twenty years Anne had seventeen pregnancies and gave birth to eight children only three of which survived infancy.  However, one became King Charles I, another became Queen of Bohemia and the other became the Prince of Wales but died when he was eighteen! During this time James had fathered numerous illegitimate children and reputedly courted several male lovers too.  Poor guy, he had complex needs. Surprise, surprise, he and Anne spent the last ten years living apart! She died aged 44 … same as her mum-in-law Mary Queen of Scots. Ahh, the good old days!

Sign for the Old Mill in KillearnOkay, enough of Royal debauchery and witch burning. The last time we were in Killearn was back in March when we were at the Kitchen Window. And again in May for Kenny Endo’s taiko drumming concert. It’s a happening place for being such a small village! The Old Mill was built in 1774 and is now a pub with a café across a courtyard area where horses used to be stabledInternal view of the Old Mill Killearn

Coping manfully

It was a nice day but quite windy and the couple at the next table said that they had booked to go to the Isle of Man but the ferry had been cancelled. It’s them witches again! a scone at the Old Mill KillearnWe got a fruit and cinnamon scone which came nicely presented with plenty butter and jam. No cream but hey, sometime you just can’t have everything! There only seemed to be one young girl on duty and she was doing a lot of dashing to and fro. Turned out the kitchen is in the pub across the courtyard. Just as well it wasn’t busy otherwise she would have been exhausted. Fruit and cinnamon was a nice combination  but not a topscone.Internal view of the Old Mill Killearn

You might think that a pretty little place like Killearn would be relatively untouched by war and that is largely true. However in 1943 the UK had well over 1000 prisoner of war camps and one of them was here.  Fifty POWs were housed in two huts on the edge of the village. Don’t think any would have been frequenting the Old Mill … but who knows? Forty miles away in another village, Comrie, there was a much bigger POW camp. In 2009 a former German inmate announced he was leaving his entire fortune to the village as thanks for the kindness he had received there. Let’s hope the current exchange of prisoners between Israel and Palestine can lead to some sort of reconciliation.

G63 9NJ             tel: 01360 550068                 Old Mill Killearn

///decoded.forces.tapes

ps: Killearn lies in a beautiful valley called Strathendrick which coincidentally is the name of our house back in Falkirk. Don’t know why it’s called that but that was the name when we bought it!

Scones, Top

Darnley Coffee House

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Today we are in Darnley Coffee House. Built in the 16th century it’s had a long and chequered history. At one time it served as a rather famous brothel and now it’s said to be troubled by poltergeists … you know, things that go bump in the night!  Apparently, however, it takes its name from Lord Darnley whose home it used to be. He was Mary Queen of Scots second of three husbands. Of little import, you might think, when scones are in question! However, a brief bullet-point history may help readers understand the sort of dramas this place (and its scones) may have witnessed back then!
 
  • Mary became Queen of Scotland when she was six days old. She was crowned and spent the first four years of her life just a few hundred yards away from Darnleys Coffee House in Stirling Castle.
  • In 1558, aged 15, she married the 14 year old Dauphin  Francis of France and became Queen of France as well as Scotland when his dad died a year later.  She was sixteen.
  • King Francis died when she was eighteen whereupon she was sent back to Scotland (no offspring had transpired so no longer required)
  • Four years after returning to Scotland she fell head over heels in love with her half cousin, Lord Darnley (in whose house we are currently eating scones – albeit the stables of the house)
  • Darnley turned out (like a lot of Lords to this very day) to be a bit of a waste of space so Mary ended up  pretty much disregarding  him.
That old chestnut – jealousy!
  • Darnley became jealous of Mary’s Italian private secretary David Rizzio. Darnley thought, wrongly, that Rizzio  may have been responsible for his wife being pregnant.
  • Darnley, aided and abetted by Lord Bothwell stabbed Rizzio fifty six times in the Queen’s bedchamber in Holyrood Palace. The blood stains are still there!  Then, for good measure, they kicked him down the stairs … Rizzio was dead!
  • Later, Darnley was living at Kirk o’ Field in Edinburgh when it was blown up. He was found dead in the garden. The body, however, was unharmed … he had been suffocated!
  • In 1567 Mary visited her and Darnley’s son James, in Stirling Castle (he was only ten months old). Mary never saw her son again.
  • Mary was forced to abdicate and her son became King of Scotland and England when he was thirteen months old (can it get any weirder?)
  • Yes, Lord Bothwell, surprise, surprise, turned out to be another waste of space. He abducted and raped Mary in Dunbar Castle. After being divorced for a full twelve days Bothwell forced Mary to marry him in 1567. You’d never guess that he had an ulterior motive! She later miscarried twins while imprisoned in a castle on a tiny island in the middle of Loch Leven.
  • A year later she escaped and raised an army to fight the Battle of Langside.
  • Ten years later Lord Bothwell, imprisoned in a Danish castle, died having gone completely insane.
  • Because Mary was Catholic and had a legitimate claim to the English throne she spent 19 years imprisoned in various castles in both Scotland and England.
  • In 1587 at Fotheringhay Castle, Mary, aged 44, had her head chopped by her cousin Elizabeth I (not actually by Elizabeth – she got someone to do it for her)
Learning outcomes

Readers who have persevered so far will, if nothing else, have learned two things 1. Lords are generally a waste of space 2. Castles are useful for all sorts of things.  Nothing about scones though … unless, of course, you continue reading!

old illustration of Stirling at Darnley Coffee House
Picture in Darleysb of the street outside. Lord Darley may even be it?
Alluring
Earlier in the day we had been to see an old black and white movie “The Edge of the World” supposedly set on remote St Kilda.  In 1937 they couldn’t get permission to film on St Kilda so resorted to producing the film on the equally remote island of Foula in the Shetlands. For me, St Kilda is unique in that it seems to become even more alluring after you have visited. Nowhere else has had that same affect.  Anyway, the movie was highly unrealistic but remarkable in that they got the technology of the age to work at all in such a remote place.
 
Wee stills
After that we visited Stirling Distillery. The still at Stirling DistilleryI was puzzled how such a small distillery was able to produce any whisky at all. Turns out they can only do very small batches. Their first produce won’t be ready until 2027. And there won’t be much of it even then … probably about 300 bottles. When we saw the stiil it all started to make sense ,… it’s tiny! Let’s hope they can make it commercially viable. Meantime, gin sales willl have to keep the whole thing going. We bought a bottle of their nettle gin then we headed a little way down the street to Darnleys Coffee House.
 
Internal view of Darnley Coffee HouseThe first thing you notice is the barrel vaulted ceilings. They don’t do them like that any more. Like the distillery, it’s small and easily managed by just two or three very friendly staff who seem to take a real pride in what they do. Internal view of Darnley Coffee House
Having had quite a busy day of watching movies and visiting distilleries we felt in need of sustenance. Lunch was plentiful and absolutely delicious! The question was, could we manage a scone as well? 
Cream tea
Well, you know the answer to that. Cream tea at Darnley Coffee HouseThey offered a cream tea which came with  two scones … one each. They were a bit bigger than expected so, at first, we thought we had been a tad ambitious. No worries, they were nicely presented, warm and just as delicious as our lunch had been.  In no time they were nowhere to be seen! We dithered a little over a topscone award but eventually  decided that they just made it. Well done Darnley Coffee House, 
 
Internal view of Darnley Coffee House
Hostages?
There’s a tiny flicker of humanity appearing in the Israel/Gaza war. A brief ceasefire has been agreed, conditional on the release of Israeli hostages held in Gaza. Israel calls its Palestinian hostages ‘prisoners’ and has published the names  of 300 potential releases. Only half that number will actually be released … how thoughtless and cruel is that?
Dead right or right dead?
Isn’t it odd that every war is fought between people who honestly believe they are ‘right’. Or, at least we’re not aware of any war being fought with one side believing they’re wrong. God is always on both sides! War doesn’t make any sense unless both sides are ‘right’ … but then that doesn’t make sense either?  And they never end with one side being proved wrong … just dead! On that basis Israel will win this war, not because they are ‘right’ but just because the Palestinians are dead … what a fab solution!  You would have thought, with 80 million deaths in WWII, us homo sapiens would have learned something?
 
Okay, that’s it, Pat and I need to get on with our cosy little lives!
 

FK8 1BS           tel: 01786 474468          Darnley Coffee FB

///press.rewarding.indoor

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Stirling Castle

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Royal crest of ScotlandThe unicorn is the national animal of Scotland. It’s a symbol of purity as well as being proud and untameable. Sounds about right! If you are very lucky you might see unicorns anywhere in Scotland but one of the best places to see them is Stirling Castle. It even has a Unicorn Cafe!

Argyles

Before we went to the cafe we visited the Regimental Museum of the Argyle and Sutherland Highlanders – the much feared ‘men in skirts’.  The castle is the spiritual home of the regiment which was formed in 1881 and then amalgamated into the Royal Regiment of Scotland in 2006. We spent some time going round and reading about all the battles in which they’ve been involved all over the world. At the end, however, we were left with the overriding impression that Britain has stuck its nose into all sorts of places where it really wasn’t welcome. Many thousands of soldier’s lives were sacrificed in the name of King and country but in reality the end game was always the same … maintaining the power of those at the top of British society … and enhancing their wealth.

Depiction of unicorns at Stirling CastleIn spite of us humans being pretty spectacular in so many ways in other ways we’re absolutely awful. Considering our time on earth is but a fleeting moment you would think that there would better things to do with these moments than simply killing other people just like ourselves. Luckily, just as the dark clouds of depression were looming ever closer we remembered there would be scones at the Unicorn Cafe … hurrah! Yes, we are unbelievably shallow.

Unicorn Cafe at Stirling Castle
One of three compartments that form the cafe
Oversized

The cafe is run by a company called Benugo. We reviewed their Cafe by Benugo in Glasgow six years ago. A scone at the Unicorn Cafe in Stirling CastleNot too impressed then and we still aren’t! We thought everything was very expensive, especially for a self-service cafe. One tourist was informed that the hot food would arrive in half an hour. Presumably to replace the rather sorry assortment on display. You even have to clear your own table? Normal practice for us but we don’t usually expect to have to do it!

On the plus side we did had some soup and bread which was very nice. However, almost £6 for a scone with jam and cream was a surprise. The scone itself was quite nice but huge and, as you know,  we’re not keen on oversized scones. It was shared between us but even then we couldn’t finish it all. The overall experience at the Unicorn Cafe was disappointing, nowhere near a topscone.

Coat of arms at Stirling Castle
Royal Coat of Arms of Scotland up to 1603

From the 1100s onwards the story of Stirling Castle is really one of a continuous confrontation between England and Scotland. Over the centuries the castle has been occupied by opposing forces many times. Ironically, in 1502 James IV signed the Treaty of Perpetual Peace with England. It lasted all of eleven years until Scotland declared war on England in support of France … heyho,he tried!

 Up to 1603, Scotland’s Coat of Arms featured two unicorns either side of a shield. Later it had only one unicorn and a lion on the other side to represent the strength of England. 

Fly to France

Before it became a military base Stirling Castle was a Royal Palace.   Mary Queen of Scots was crowned here in 1543 aged nine months and lived here until she was five. A few years earlier in 1507 her grandfather, James IV, had employed an Italian alchemist with the idea of turning any old scrap metal into gold. With continuing failure rumours inevitably circulated that he might be fraudulent. He desperately needed to prove that he did indeed possess wondrous powers. He decided to fly to France from the ramparts of the castle using wings made from eagle feathers. Unfortunately, eagle feathers were in short supply so he used chicken feathers instead. He plunged straight down into the castle cess-pit and miraculously escaped with nothing but a broken leg. Should definitely have used eagle feathers!Flying from the Ladies at Stirling Castle

No Netflix

There is an area on the ramparts called the Ladies Lookout. It enabled the ladies of the castle to watch their husbands gallop around in the park below killing deer, foxes and probably anything else that moved. Exciting viewing considering there was no Netflix back then!

View of Kings Park from the Ladies Lookout
View of Kings Park from the Ladies Lookout

We do have Netflix, however, so when we got home we decided to settle down and watch the BAFTA award winning epic “All Quiet On The Western Front”. Set in WWI it follows German troops in trench warfare against the French. Amazingly it was only made possible because of Lesley Paterson, from Stirling. She bought the rights to the book with her winnings as a triathlete and ended up co-producing the film. It’s an amazing production but goodness, it’s not an easy watch. It should, however, be compulsory viewing for the likes of Putin and any others preoccupied with warmongering.

Unicorn picture in Stirling Castle
everyone should have a unicorn above their mantlepiece
Did you know?

Baby unicorns are called “foals” but sometimes they are known as “sparkles”. 

FK8 1EJ     Tel: 01786 450000     Unicorn Cafe

///caked.sorry.bids

Scones, Uncategorized

Karma Hotel on the Lake

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This post from Karma Hotel on the Lake is a wee bit unusual. No scones were harmed. In fact, scones don’t feature at all except by their absence. “What are they on about now?” we hear you cry. Well, let us try and explain.

Lostness

It’s a lovely February day and we are out on one of our rambling drives. Pat is quite used to them now. We start off heading in one direction then get diverted, for one reason or another, onto a road we’ve never been on before. Inevitably this leads to an element of lostness … is that a word? Sat Nav isn’t much use if you don’t have any particular destination in mind. Pat used to make worried enquiries like “Are we lost?” but she doesn’t anymore. She knows that we will eventually end up somewhere. I used to pretend I knew where we was going but she quickly saw through all of that.

Suffice to say that after several miles of travelling along very narrow roads we emerged in a place that we recognised.  And it wasn’t too far from here. The Lake Hotel is in a lovely setting on the shores of Scotland’s only lake. It has long been on our radar. However, although absolutely positive we knew where it was when we got to the end of the driveway the sign simply said “Karma”. Eh? We were in the right place but it turned out that the hotel had recently been acquired by the Karma Group. It has luxury resorts all over the world.

Internal view of the Karma Hotel on the LakeKarma

When we walked in a girl greeted us enthusiastically from behind the bar. Yes, we could have tea and coffee but no scones. In fact they couldn’t provide anything with tea and coffee … nothing! No cakes, no biscuits … nothing! Extraordinary, this was not the sort of Karma we had been expecting. Had we done something in a previous life that merited this sort of retribution? To be fair the young lady in question acknowledged our disappointment and promised that our next visit would be different. She was embarrassed and said she would talk to the management and get it sorted out. Can’t ask for more than that! The coffee was good though not a top coffee! We will return to check if she has been successful. Watch this space!

View across the Lake of Menteith
View from the hotel across the Lake of Menteith to Inchmahome island
Nationalists

From the hotel you look across the Lake to the little island of Inchmahome on which stands the ruins of Inchmahome Priory. Poster at the Karma Hotel on the LakeMary Queen of Scots once took refuge from the English there and the founder of the SNP (Scottish Nationalist Party), Robert Cunninghame Graham is buried there. Coincidentally, Nicola Sturgeon, the current leader of the SNP announced her resignation today. She’s led the Scottish Government for over eight years and has become one of the most adept and respected politicians in Europe. We understand her reasons for resigning. The blocking of the Scottish people’s ability to determine their own future is tiresome to say the least. And no one can withstand the level of vitriol and hate she has been subjected at the hands of mendacious British nationalists forever. She remains a very popular politician … we wish her well!View across the Lake of Menteith

Also today there was another example of Westminster duplicity. The Koh-i-Noor diamond is to be removed from the crown being used for the coronation of Camilla, the Queen Somesort, in May. It would cause a rumpus because Britain stole it from India about 175 years ago and now India wants it back. Obviously, India should have it back but we would advise them not to hold their breath. Why?

While Camilla is being crowned she will be sitting next to her hubby whose Royal bahookie will be sitting on  a great big lump of stolen goods. The Stone of Destiny was stolen from Scotland in 1296.

Rogues

Scotland struggled for many years to get it repatriated. Indeed we did get it back from Westminster (it now resides in Edinburgh Castle) but in typical Westminster fashion it was returned grudgingly with strings attached. They can legally demand it back. What sort of parcel of rogues does that? We do know, however, that their leader’s posterior will be resting on it in May? Some say that the one being transported back to a London is a fake and the real one remains in Scotland somewhere. Oooo, if that’s true will it mean Charles III’s coronation is null and void? Exciting!

A really enjoyable day out but we stuck to the main roads on our way home.

FK8 3RA          tel: 07871 179950          Karma Group

///lamp.cries.winds

Ordinary, Scones

4 Coo Wynd

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Although 4 Coo Wynd is only a few minutes walk from our home it’s three years since we were last here. Goodness, a lot has happened since then! Back then we were bemoaning the fact that businesses in Falkirk didn’t seem to last. This place was called Cafe Trio back then and before that it was Sorocha’s and before that it was Mathiesons and before that, in 2003, it was Sleeves … a record shop – remember them? Having said all that, 4 Coo Wynd is right next door to Thomas Johnston Butchers, established in 1861, so what on earth are we going on about??

A view of the Cow Wynd, Falkirk
Cow Wynd with Santa overhead

Three years ago we were debating the important issues of the day e.g. what jam to have with a treacle scone and would Brexit have an effect on the scone supplies. The answer to the first question was ‘none’, just butter is best. Brexit hadn’t yet happened but we were looking forward to the promised sunny uplands. Still waiting! Didn’t bother discussing COVID-19 because we had never heard of it!Logo of 4 Coo Wynd

Back to the present. For the benefit of our far flung readers we should perhaps explain the name “4 Coo Wynd”. Artists impression of a highland cowIt is simply the address of the cafe which, more accurately is 4 ‘Cow’ Wynd. Coo is simply Scottish pronunciation of “cow”. In the 18th century, Falkirk Tryst was the biggest cattle market in the country. The town was a rumbustious place in those days. However, there is more to Falkirk than just cows … much more.

  • This was as far north as the Romans got. They liked it so much they decided to settle here, a sort of shangrila. Emperor Antoninus even built a wall across Scotland and through the town to protect it from less civilised influences. Traces of this period can still be found with the ice cream parlours scattered around the town?
  • Falkirk has seen two major battles. The first, in 1298, was one of the major battles in the First War of Scottish Independence … can you believe it’s still going on? The second was in 1746, the penultimate battle fought on British soil but fought for the same reason as the first.
  • In 1565 the marriage agreement between Mary Queen of Scots and the Dauphin of France was signed at Callendar House. She would become Queen of France as well as Scotland.
  • In the 18th century the town became the heart of the iron industry with 61 foundries. Starting with munitions for the Battle of Trafalgar to the famous red telephone boxes still found all around the world. The inventiveness of these foundries making baths, stoves and sanitary ware led to massive increases in public health and comfort.
  • Now the town has the Falkirk Wheel and the Kelpies and shortly, two distilleries … what’s not to like?
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A scone at 4 Coo WyndOkay, okay, the world owes a great deal to Falkirk but can we just get on with scones, we hear you cry! We decided to start with a bacon roll from their all-day-breakfast menu, followed by a fruit scone. Probably the best bacon rolls we have ever tasted … excellent! The scone was very good too but, unfortunately just not quite good enough to make the topscone grade. Shame, the service was warm and friendly, we thoroughly enjoyed our visit to 4 Coo Wynd.Internal view of 4 Coo Wynd

Predictions

Given the current fiasco that passes for UK government we, perhaps, shouldn’t be all that surprised at the predictions of a recent  poll. It says that, at the next election, ALL Scottish MPs at Westminster will be from the Scottish National Party. We did mention earlier that the first battle of Falkirk in 1298 was during the Wars of Scottish Independence. Soooo, do you think that, if this prediction actually came to pass, it would make any difference? Of course not!

Falkirk High Street
the High Street

Three years ago we also reviewed a scone from Passiontree Velvet in Toowoomba, Queensland. These were the heady days of unrestricted travel and bountiful scones all over the world … ahh, the memories! Once again it looks like our scone adventuring has been brought to a shuddering halt by COVID-19. 4 Coo Wynd will probably be our last for a while. That means we need to take this opportunity to wish all our readers a very merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous 2022 when it comes. You have put up with our rants for a very long time, best wishes to you all!

FK1 1PL       Tel: 07477 173117        4 Coo Wynd

///deep.tricky.shower

Ordinary, Scones

Matty Steele Café

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It was obviously a Scottish neck and an English axe because it took three blows to part her head from the rest of her body. Breakfast time, on this very day, 8th Feb in 1587, Mary Queen of Scots had her head chopped off. We know this because, as they say “we seen it in the movies“. Kind of appropriate that we watched it at the Hippodrome Cinema in Bo’ness. Just a couple of miles from Linlithgow Palace where Mary was born.

Internal view of the Hiipodrome cinema Image
Inside the Hippodrome (picture courtesy of the Hippodrome)

Chop chop

In spite of them taking quite a few liberties with the actualities we enjoyed the film. It’s just the movies after all. However her life was so eventful it’s a little surprising they had to make things up. In case you are going to see it they didn’t actually show the chopping bit. That would’ve been too much. Everyone on the edge of their seats. Will it come off this time? This time? This time??

Internal view of the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'nessThe problem, as always was religion. It’s odd to think what might have happened if things had turned out differently. What if her first husband Francois, who made her Queen of France, had not gone and died on her? In slightly different circumstances she might have kept her head? What if she had overcome English treachery and gained the British throne? Who knows? Instead of being snivelling members of the EU we might have been vibrant and enthusiastic participants. Okay, okay that’s taking things way too far! The take home message from the film was … back then, it was no fun being a Queen, or even just a queen. There was plenty of both in the film.

Cake selection at the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'nessWhen the film finished a scone was called for however we thought  we had been in every café in town. We had reviewed Brian’s Café, and 1884 as well as the Ivy Tearoom. However, just a short distance from the cinema we found yet another, Matty’s Café. Apparently Matthew Steele, who died in 1937, was the architect who designed the Hippodrome cinema as well as many other local buildings. Marvellous how things come together!

Jobsworth

When we arrived the staff, a girl who seemed to be on her own, was struggling to cope with an influx of customers. Like us, they were probably all from the cinema. To be honest, we are not even sure of the name of this place. It’s either Matty’s Cafe or the Bo’ness Bakery, take your pick. The clock at the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'nessWe chose the former but we think it’s run by the bakery that has a shop next door. Anyway we had to wait a while to be attended to so had time to look around. It’s one of these places which is kind of summed up by the clock above the coffee machine. No one has quite decided whose job it is to straighten it up. It’s probably been like that for years.

Eventually we were asked what we would like. For some reason I fancied a bacon roll. “All the rolls have gone, we only have burnt ones left”. I asked if that meant I couldn’t have a roll. “No, you can have one but it’ll be burnt“. Okay? A scone at the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'nessOur order, of course, included a scone and before you could say ‘chop, chop, chop’ it was in front of us, lightening fast. My roll was indeed burnt … as black an executioner’s mind. It was also delicious. The fruit scone came with generous tubs of jam and whipped cream and was really quite good. However, in spite of what turned out to be really good cheery service it didn’t quite make the topscone grade. If you are looking for a no-frills kind of place in Bo’ness you could do a lot worse than Matty’s Café.

Irony

Mary’s body was taken and buried at Peterborough Cathedral. However, in an ironic final twist to the tale her son, James VI and I, who became the first king of England, Scotland and Ireland had her exhumed. She now lies in Westminster Abbey next to her cousin, Elizabeth I, who ordered her execution  Can you hear the spinning?External view of the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'ness

Efficiency

Donald Tusk has said “I’ve been wondering what that special place in hell looks like, for those who promoted Brexit without even a sketch of a plan how to carry it out safely.” We’re with you Donald! As Theresa May goes to the EU yet again she must feel sooooo thankful that the guillotine has fallen into disuse. Mary Queen of Scots, on the other hand, may have wished for something as efficient.

EH51 9NF           tel: 01506 825336          Bo’ness Bakery FB

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Vane Farm Café

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.As relatively keen birdwatchers we have been to this RSPB Reserve and Vane Farm Café at Loch Leven many times before however it’s been a couple of years since our last visit. The same cannot be said of around 30,000 geese that fly in from Greenland, Siberia and Iceland at this time every year.

Birdwatchers at Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch Leven
looking for Egbert

Egbert

It is amazing to think that these large birds can undertake such lengthy and arduous journeys. When they all take flight together, it’s an awsome sight.  Vane Farm is a great place to see all sorts of birds and we had a great time, with our mini-person from the Grand Café post visiting all three hides down near the water’s edge. Lots of ducks, moorhens, coots and pheasants but the star of the show was Egbert. He’s a little egret who has made his home here for the past few years. Interior view of Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch Leven

Skeleton’s heads

Most of our time however was spent looking for skeleton’s heads and scary spiders in a kiddie’s event which meant that we had to cover the entire reserve ticking off ‘finds’ on a sheet of paper. Great fun but it’s not too long, on a fairly brisk day, before rumbling tums are calling us back to the café area.

Exterior view of Vane Farm Nature Reserve at Loch Leven
Engineering works

 

Currently there is major engineering works going on around the shop and café area to make the hides wheelchair accessible. It is causing a few temporary problems for traffic on the main road as well as walkers and cyclists. By the looks of things it will soon be finished. The café above the shop is kitted out with several telescopes at a large observation window.

View from Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch Leven
They’re too far away!!!

Kids get the chance to see some of the wildlife, up close, without having to brave the elements. Typically the café is populated by folks with massive lenses on their cameras or mega telescopes slung over their shoulders. We only had our little binoculars …. amateurs! A scone at Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch LevenAfter an excellent light lunch we eventually got to our fruit scones. There was no cream but they did come with plenty butter and jam. We thoroughly enjoyed everything we had but no topscone today.

Errant nobility

Munching a scone and looking out from the cafe across Loch Leven you can clearly see Castle Island. The castle dates from 1257 and over the years has functioned as a home, a garden ornament ( a recent owner designed his entire garden on the shores of Loch Leven around the view of the castle) and on many occasions as a prison for errant nobility. It’s most illustrious prisoner was, of course, Mary Queen of Scots.  In 1565 the 21 year old Mary visited the castle as a guest of Sir William Douglas, little knowing that within two years she would be incarcerated there.

View from Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch Leven
Castle island in middle distance

Beheadings

She had already been Queen of France and her relatively short stay on this island was to be no less eventful. She recovered from a suspected poisoning attempt, miscarried twins, made several escape bids and was forced to abdicate her throne. Not much time for scones then? She escaped with the assistance of her jailers only to spend the rest of her life imprisoned in other castles. Eventually her cousin, Elizabeth I of England, on Trumped up charges (couldn’t resist the capital T) ordered her to be beheaded at the tender age of forty four. If Theresa May had the powers Elizabeth had back then how many headless politicians would be lying around today? She would be knee deep! Sorry, forgot that most of them are acting like headless chickens anyway without Theresa having any such powers.

Wizard’s wand

More importantly we found all the items in the game except the witches wand. We had to backtrack almost the whole way to find it! Won a lollipop though!

KY13 9LX      tel: 01577 862355        Vane Farm Nature Reserve

Ordinary, Scones

Callendar House Tearoom 2

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A billboard at Callendar House tearoom, FalkirkIn our original post, almost two years ago, we gave Callendar House a bit of a hard time. We appealed to Falkirk Community Council to pull their socks up and provide something a little better. Well … we got a tip off in the form of this photo from our Trossachs correspondents, remember them? They are mostly dormant in winter but the fresh spring air has obviously stirred them and they sent this picture from a recent visit. They also reported an improvement in the scones! So this is Callendar House Tearoom 2. Philosophically the blackboard message gets right to the heart of everything. Perhaps another visit was required.

Stolen decanters

A slight aside. Because my dad worked for Callendar Estate, when the contents of the house were been auctioned off in 1963, I, as a mere youth, was given the task of patrolling one of the floors, which included Mary Queen of Scots bedroom, to ensure that nothing was stolen. Didn’t someone pinch a full set of crystal decanters and glasses from her room … arrgghh! As far as I can remember I still got paid! The marriage agreement between Mary and the French Dauphin, Francis, which provided that Scotland and France should eventually be united as one kingdom, was signed here. Mary was fifteen and Francis fourteen when they were married in the cathedral of Notre Dame, Paris. The rest, as they say, is history. Interesting to speculate though on what things would be like now if Scotland had united with France rather than England.Internal view of Callendar House tearoom, Falkirk

Inappropriate furnishing

The tearoom is housed in a beautiful old wood paneled room with ornate gilded cornicing. The publicity says “the newly refurbished Callendar House Tearoom offers a bright and airy café experience” … and it does. It also has nice views from the tall windows onto the expansive lawns and gardens.  The refurbishment however has involved replacing all the tables and chairs we complained about last time with equally modern featureless items which, although better, are still slightly incongruous. For such a grand setting, more appropriate Victoriana could easily have been purchase from auctions at a fraction of the cost. A lost opportunity! We have got to hand it to the staff however who have to work one of the most inefficient systems known to man. The kitchen is miles away, the cakes and pastries are at the furthest away point from the kitchen and the till is half way in between. They have to walk many unnecessary miles every day. But they seem to do so happily, well done them! A scone at Callendar House tearoom, Falkirk

What’s with all this moaning we hear you say? Exactly, let’s get on to the scones. Our correspondents turned out to be absolutely correct,  they were much improved, very good even. Not quite topscone but close. Again no local produce, the jam was the ubiquitous Tiptree variety and the butter was completely anonymous. Heyho the overall experience was much better than last time … small steps. Thanks to our Trossachs correspondents for the heads-up!

Policies?

Just started getting our Council Election bumf through the door. Our sitting Tory counciller has a large fancy pamphlet completely devoid of policies except ” SNP bad” … probably all you can say if you can’t think of anything good to say about your own party! Logo of Callendar House tearoom, FalkirkFK1 1YR               tel: 01324 503770              Callendar House