The government’s Department of Weasel Words has gone into overdrive trying to justify their pathetic response to coronavirus and the BBC has taken to only reporting on NHS England. Should we be surprised? Well, back in 2018, we were at the Kerrera Tea Garden and as you will see we were still smarting from being cheated out of Scotland’s independence in 2014. The defeat was brought about by a coalition of Labour, Conservative and media lies. What really surprised us the most was that we were surprised. We knew they could stoop very low, just not that low. Anyway, let’s go back two years.

When it comes to Scottish Independence many people who voted NO in the 2014 referendum have been posting on social media “My Journey to YES”. Well, this is similar but, of course, it’s more “Our journey to a SCONE”! Let us explain. Some scones can be relatively difficult to come by but that is generally down to cost e.g. Claridges, the Connaught, rather than geographical location.

Getting there

Getting to the Kerrera Tea Garden, however, involves a road trip to Oban, a passenger ferry and then an hour’s walk over rough hill track. That’s just to get there … and the same back! There is nothing along the way other than sheep but luckily they have easy to follow signposts to guide the weary traveller. Although the day was quite cloudy it was hot so by the time we came on that last sign we were extremely relieved. Stomach and arthritic joints were screaming for sustenance and rest.

The Kerrera Tea Garden is exactly what it says. A fairly large garden in which there are lots of tables where you can sit and have tea. If the weather ever gets inclement, perish the thought, there is the Byre, a rustic but charming converted cowshed.

Sacre Bleu

We were attended to by a very mannerly young chap who was obviously not a local. He was from Singapore and was studying law in London. Goodness knows how he found his way here for a summer job? The scones are made fresh every morning so after a light lunch we thought they should be sampled. We couldn’t come all this way and not sample the scones after all! Unfortunately, they were a tad disappointing. Just a little on the solid side and with a slightly sweet taste that wasn’t to our liking. They weren’t bad but not a topscone. Pity, because everything else about this place is fantastic. If you ever get the chance you should definitely visit, it’s worth the effort.

When we arrived there was a party of six French folks who were explaining that they just wanted coffee because they had their own sandwiches … mais non, sacre blue, mon Dieu! Perhaps it is just as well we are leaving the EU! They were politely told to take themselves off to yonder distant hill to have their picnic. When we were leaving they were making their way back for their coffee and didn’t seem at all putout. The Auld Alliance is intact!

We finished off our visit with the short walk from the Tea Garden to Gylen Castle which sits on the southern tip of the island. It was built in 1582 by the Clan MacDougall but was besieged then burned by Covenanters in 1647.  Ironically the siege was successful because of a shortage of water. The castle’s spring was insufficient in the prevailing dry spell so the MacDougalls surrendered. The same would have happened today where we have almost forgotten what rain looks like! When William Turner visited in 1831, he was fascinated by the ruin and made several sketches of the castle which are now in London’s Tate Gallery.

Sheep talk

On our return walk to the ferry we were almost deafened at one point by sheep talking to each other. Their exact words were “baa, baa, baa, baa, baa.” The noise was incredible! We came to the conclusion that they must have been discussing the effects of Brexit on the Common Agricultural Policy. They were making much more sense than our Westminster parliamentarians! After Trump’s visit to see May in London and Putin in Helsinki, I said to Pat “I think Trump’s a very clever man“, then, when I saw the look on her face, had to explain that I had misspoken and what I actually meant to say was that he was a complete and utter idiot.

Ex KGB, Vladamir Putin is beginning to look like the only sane politician around and that says something! Our “journey to a scone” was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. A big fat YES to the Kerrera Tea Garden.
PA34 4SX      tel: 01631 566367         Kerrera Tea Garden

ps: This is the only telephone box on the Isle of Kerrera and as you can see it is a K6. No manufacturer’s badge so it could be either Falkirk, Kirkintilloch or Glasgow in origin. Now it functions, not as a telephone box, but as the only shop on the island … selling postcards.

Telephone cables

If you found that interesting here is another little snippet that will be of interest to all those who have spent restless nights wondering where the first subsea transatlantic telephone cable came ashore in the UK. Well wonder no more, it was here at Little Horsehoe Bay on Kerrera in 1956. It operated until 1978. The other end was in Clarenville, Newfoundland. You can now rest easy.

Wilting

We met loads of tourists, some walking, some on bikes, all were complaining about the heat! They said that the publicity for holidays in Scotland had not prepared them for weeks of hot dry weather. C’est la vie … haste ye back!

These days, the Kerrera Tea Garden and that ‘journey to a scone’ seem almost otherworldly.

KERRERA SHED

With everyone preoccupied with social distancing, we don’t particularly want to get into a deep philosophical debate about sheds. However, “When is a shed, not a shed?”. For example, is a wooden garage not just a shed with big doors or do the doors define it as something else? Is a shed with large windows a summerhouse and therefore no longer a shed? We don’t know the answer but you will be relieved to hear that I don’t photograph garages or summerhouses even if they are still sheds. 

I knew it was a mistake in our COVID-19 Newsflash post creating new categories willy-nilly however I did not expect my better half to join in. It raises yet another philosophical question “When is a scone not a scone?’. When it’s a cheese muffin, that’s when! These muffins were absolutely delicious but definitely not scones and shouldn’t really have a place on this blog however in the interests of domestic harmony here is the picture. To be fair, we managed to swap four cheese muffins for three of our neighbour’s tomato plants making one cheese muffin worth 0.75 tomato plants. Fantastic, a sign of the times perhaps?

 All this isolation stuff has driven the world mad. We have even heard rumours of Texas folks baking scones … unbelievable! It’s just a rumour.