Tag Archives: Jeremy Corbyn

Scones, Top

The Old Inn

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Okay, apologies, there has been much comment about the lack of scone mail recently. We have been busy but, now we are back in harness, prepare for your mailbox to be rattled on a regular basis. In this post we are in search of Irish scones … a first for us.

Northern Ireland is a fantastic country ruined by politicians and religion. We, however, have a big soft spot for this part of the world. It’s where we lived very happily from 1975 to 1982. All our children were born here so it holds many fond memories. Even with “the Troubles” in full swing at that time, the wonderful warmth of the Ulster people meant we had a great time and were very sad to leave and go back to GB.

Internal view of the Old Inn, CrawfordsburnWhat’s in a word?

On this visit we are with some fellow birdwatchers and Pat has already started her species list. We’re living for the next week in a hotel in Bangor but our first stop after coming of the ferry in Belfast, was at Crawfordsburn’s Old Inn. Some say it’s haunted. Perhaps it was here that one Irishman thought he made love to a ghost. When a clairvoyant asked if anyone in the crowd had ever made love to a ghost, he put his hand up. The clairvoyant then asked him onto the stage to explain how he had done that. Only then did he confess that he thought the clairvoyant had said “goat”.

When is a fruit scone not a fruit scone?

It is called the Old Inn because, you guessed it, it’s quite old. The thatched part in the title picture dates from the reign of Queen EA scone at the Old Inn, Crawfordsburnlizabeth … the first one, around 1600. When we entered the wonderful oak paneled interior they only had one fruit scone left. It was sitting in solitary splendour under a glass dome on the counter. Of course, we had to put it out of its misery. We were extremely well looked after by some very attentive staff. They all had that slightly irreverent Ulster way about them and a great sense of humour. After a very nice lunch we set about sharing the scone only to discover that it was not a fruit scone at all, it was a cherry one … sacre bleu! In spite of this misinformation, as cherry scones go, this was outstanding. A scone at the Old Inn, CrawfordsburnWhole cherries enveloped in a superbly soft centre and a slightly crunchy exterior. None of your tiny chopped up cherries here! It was delicious and we were delighted to kick off our Irish adventure with a topscone … yeagh!

 

Internal view of the Old Inn, Crawfordsburn
a quiet corner of the Old Inn

In the 17th century when Donaghadee became one of the main ports between Britain and Ireland, many famous travelers spent some time at the Old Inn. Dickens, Trollop, Tennyson and Swift all frequented the place. Even Dick Turpin, Paul Jones and the Peter the Great, Czar of Russia, were customers. C S Lewis even honeymooned here. We were merely following in the footsteps of many other celebrated people … emphasis on “other”.

EU elections

Now that Theresa May has finally named a resignation date perhaps she will decide to walk the North Down Coastal Path which passes through Crawfordsburn. It could make a pleasant change from fields of wheat. However, they have persuaded her to stay on long enough to welcome Donald Trump on his state visit … presumably because no one else wanted to do it.

Predictably perhaps, lots of people voted for Nigel Farage’s mono-policy Brexit Party in the EU elections. All the major parties have been punished for their handling of Brexit. Thankfully, however, the overall message was one for Remain. Perhaps Jeremy Corbyn will at long last give us some idea of what the Labour Party stands for. Goodness knows, he might even form a policy worthy of the name but maybe that’s taking things too far. Meanwhile the Tories are looking for a new leader. Any idiot has a chance of winning just as long as they have a pathological hatred of the EU.

External view of the Old Inn, CrawfordsburnBT19 1JH       tel: 028 9185 3255      The Old Inn

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ps It’s great to be back in N Ireland. Pat’s list is currently standing at 13

Ordinary, Scones

Bo’ness & Kinneil Railway

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You’ve all heard of Albert Einstein … general clever clogs with all the fancy theories and the big toes. Today, in a somewhat similar vein, we are testing our own Theory of Sconativity SS=(s¹,s²) where SS = scone satisfaction, s¹ = speed of scone and s² = speed of person eating scone. If s¹ and s² have the same value then SS can be achieved. Normally this theory is of little importance because everything is static however it’s of supreme importance when scones are moving. Okay, too much science?

The Lord Robert steam train at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway
Lord Roberts at Manuel Junction with the electrified Glasgow Edinburgh line on the right

The test is being conducted on board the Bo’ness and Kinneil steam railway which is Scotland’s equivalent of the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva which also, in its own small way, tests the predictions of different theories of particle physics … crumbs?! We are using the Lord Roberts steam engine which was built in Glasgow in 1899. It’s sometimes used for Thomas The Tank Engine outings. Today it is our scone accelerator.

Journey time enough?

There is something rather surreal and exciting about having afternoon tea on a train. Afternoon tea at Bo'ness and Kinneil RailwayIt probably happens all the time on the Orient Express but that is not an experience we are likely to have. Here we were hurtling through the  countryside at a heady 19.75 mph and enjoying tea and scones … brill! The legal limit for this railway is 20 mph so the driver, with a somewhat wry smile, informed us that 19.75 was as fast as they ever go?? Anyway, our afternoon tea was presented very promptly at the start of our trip. Afternoon tea at Bo'ness and Kinneil RailwayGiven that the journey to Manuel Junction, taking in stops at Kinneil and Birkhill stations, lasts no longer than twenty minutes all the teas have to be prepared beforehand and brought onto the train ready plated.

There was a good selection of sandwiches, a few cakes and two scones each accompanied with jam and clotted cream (Rodda’s). No topscones but suffice to say that the Sconativity Theory proved to be completely accurate. Even though the scones were traveling at a considerable velocity … so were we!  SS was well and truly achieved.

Emperors
Birkhill station at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway
Birkhill station

Japan has a new Emperor … wow! We think Jeremy Corbyn has ambitions to be an Emperor too. Simple ‘Prime Minister’ is not going to cut it for him. We don’t expect anything other than self-preservation principles from the Conservatives but we do from Labour. However, after a seemingly promising start as a man of principle, Corbyn has disappointingly proved to be anything but. After a year of sitting on the fence he has decided, after a much lauded meeting of the Labour party on Brexit, to continue fence sitting. We can only assume that this spinelessness is powered, not by the needs of the country, but by simple personal ambition. It’s a bit like his stance on Scottish independence. He wants independence for every country in the world … except Scotland … purely out of self interest. He is never going to become Emperor without Scotland’s die hard Labour voters.Vintage luggage at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway

Heyho, many thanks for the kindness of those who gifted us our Railway Afternoon Tea Vouchers. It was an absolute delight.

EH51 9AQ        tel: 01506 822298        Bo’ness & Kinneil

ps: There was a Falkirk manufactured K6 at Bo’ness station. It had been converted to defibrillator storage.K6 telephone box at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway

Ordinary, Scones

The Green Door

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If May and Corbyn think they are currently treading on dangerous ground with their futile little chitchats we hope they spare a thought for us. Today, us MacDonalds are in the heart of Campbell country. Indeed, Inverary is where the chief of the Campbells, the Duke of Argyll, has his lair, Inveraray Castle.

View from Inverary with the puffer Vital Spark
View across Loch Fyne with the puffer Vital Spark of Para Handy fame in the foreground

The current Duke, Torquhil Campbell, holds other titles e.g. Lord Lorne, Marquess of Kintyre and Lorne, Earl Campbell and Cowall, Viscount Lochow and Glenyla, Lord Campbell, Admiral of the Western Coasts and Isles, Lord Inverarary, Mull, Mover and Tiry, Baron Hamilton of Hameldon, Lord Kintyre, Baron Sundridge, Baronet of Lundie, Master of the Royal Household of Scotland, to name but a few.

Thus, one man manages to embody all that is rotten in the British political system. Not his fault … it’s the system! Anyway, it would be great if we could say that’s all in the past except those titles and privileges are still very much alive and well. More are bestowed every year in order to keep the great unwashed in their place. Apart from the simply act of being born, ‘His Grace’ has done absolutely zilch to deserve any privileges whatsoever. He just inherits them but consequently he can take a seat in Parliament. And we have the cheek to complain about the EU being undemocratic?

What’s in a motto?

In the 1780s, Inveraray was largely rebuilt as a ‘new’ town and now much of it is protected by preservation orders.View of InveraryThe town’s motto is “Semper tibi pendeat halec” which, as you all very well know, translates as “may a herring always hang to thee” We suspect that this is also Jeremy Corbyn’s motto. It would explain Theresa holding her nose when in his company … or perhaps there’s some other reason! For Inveraray, the motto presumably refers to its role when the herring fishing industry was in its heyday. Still a bit weird though. Nowadays, Inveraray has many attractions and is always busy with tourists.

View of Main Street, Inverary
Looking down Main Street East

We’re just passing through and stopping off for refreshment … and maybe a scone? There are many options in Inveraray. We eventually chose The Green Door largely because it actually had a green door and a notice indicating the presence of scones. Internal view of The Green Door Café, InveraryInside it is quite small but full of stuff so has a slightly cluttered appearance. We were very warmly welcomed however and managed to get a table tucked away in a corner at the end of the counter. A scone at The Green Door Café, InveraryThey didn’t have cream however our scone was pleasant enough and came with plenty butter and jam. It was interesting just sitting there watching the constant coming and going in this busy little place.

Brexit sympathy

As we often say, in places like this, Brexit seems a long way away.  Since all the staff here seemed to be local perhaps the effects might not be too drastic for The Green Door. We are actually feeling really sorry for the EU now. They don’t deserve all this British nonsense. We are almost wishing for a hard Brexit just to save the EU from further hassle. Even if Brexit was cancelled tomorrow, it would take the UK a long time to repair the damage done.

Eventually we reluctantly took our leave of lovely Inveraray and continued on our way. Fortunately, no one had spotted any MacDonalds … phew!

PA32 8UY         tel: 01499 302722          Green Door

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ps: we are indebted to our Aussie Bathurst correspondents who have taken to telephone box spotting while in Scotland.  It has breathed new meaning into their lives. They sent us this photo of an operational Saracen Foundry K6 in Peat Inn, Fife. Many thanks J & A.Saracen foundry K6 in Peat Inn, Fife

Ordinary, Scones

Glencoe Café

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Old Mrs MacDonald had just prepared a fresh batch of scones.

“Would you be wanting one, Duncan?” she asked the fresh faced young lad who had been lodging with her for the past two weeks. In the fading February light there was just the gentle flicker of the open fire where the scones had been baked. They were still sitting there keeping warm.

“Would you like cream with the butter and jam, Duncan?”

“That would be grand Mrs Mac, there’s nothing like a freshly baked scone. I like them crunchy on the outside and nice and soft in the middle”, Duncan replied.

“Funny, that’s how I like them as well” said Mrs MacDonald in her soft highland accent.  She looked fondly on the youngster in the warm glow.

Highland hospitality

As part of the government forces made up mostly from clan Campbell, Duncan had been sent to Glencoe from Invergarry. You may remember us referring to their leader in our post on the Glen Lyon Tearoom. For some time now the Campbells had been enjoying the MacDonald’s scones. Little did Mrs MacDonald realise that later that same night, the signal would be given and she would be brutally murdered in her bed by the very same scone munching Duncan. This scenario was being played out in every house. The village was burned and the livestock taken. The Massacre of Glencoe in 1692 has thus become synonymous with betrayal. Even worse, a betrayal of highland hospitality … unthinkable!.

Internal view of Glencoe CaféClan of choice

The whole sorry affair came about because the MacDonald’s chieftain had been a day late in bending the knee to King William III of England. Perhaps better known as William of Orange, or in some parts, King Billy! Truth be told the MacDonalds of Glencoe, along with the MacGregors, did not have glowing reputations. Both clans were generally regarded by the authorities as outlaws and general ne’er-do-wells. It was the MacDonalds of Glencoe, however, who were to be slaughtered as a warning to other Scots who might get ideas.

Long memories

Nowadays, even though the local hotel has a sign at reception reading “No Hawkers or Campbells”, that’s all in the past. Although we ourselves are MacDonalds, it’s my middle name for goodness sake, we harbour no ill feeling. Having said that we have never knowingly spoken to a Campbell or eaten with one or willingly been in the company of one. Sharing a scone with one??? We jest … a little!

Internal view of Glencoe CaféThe dancing!

Anyway, all this is to simply give you a little background knowledge because today we are at the Glencoe Café. It wasn’t here in 1692 but if it had, it would have been burned to the ground. Last time we were in the area was only a few weeks back. A spot of hedonistic pampering at The Glencoe House Hotel. We explained  that Glencoe was our weekend destination of choice when we used to do Spiderman impersonations on the sheer rock faces of Aonach Dubh.  No, we didn’t do the outfit!

That wasn’t yesterday, however ‘the Coe’ still retains many happy memories for us both. Saturday night dances in the village hall were the stuff of legend. Much has changed in the intervening years however we think this café is built where the old village hall used to be. The big question was, would their scones be as good as the ones Mrs MacDonald gave to that Campbell fella?

Alan and Deirdre Copeland run the café and the gift shop with great enthusiasm. This is February and the café was full to overflowing . Goodness knows what it’s like when the place is buzzing with tourists in the summer months? We were seated next to three Brazilians who wanted to know where to go for a walk … eh? Just look out the window, you can walk anywhere! They were lovely people though who lived in Glasgow. They were on a day trip so didn’t have oodles of time. We pointed them towards Glencoe Lochan so we hope they got there and enjoyed it.

Egg timers?

All the Copeland’s tea is loose leaf and it’s served in glass teapots with internal diffusers and an egg timer … eh, again? It’s so you know when your tea is sufficiently infused … obviously! The scones are freshly baked every day and come with plentyA scone at Glencoe Café jam and cream.  All in all this is a friendly unpretentious place which is exactly what you would expect in this part of the world. We thoroughly enjoyed everything about it even though our scones didn’t quite make the grade.

Trust in short supply

Given the episode between the MacDonalds and the Campbells can anyone be really trusted? Donald Trump insists he has an emergency on his hands and needs ‘special powers’ to build The Wall. No one else can see the emergency so we guess it just has to taken on trust. Theresa May insists she is not running down the clock on Brexit. No one else sees that either so we guess it just has to be taken on trust. That’s a whole lot of trust.

School children all over the world are going on strike. They don’t have enough trust in their politicians to act on climate change. It’s not as if the world is running out of trust. It’s not a finite resource like gold or oil. It can be generated in endless amounts but, these days, it seems like a very scarce resource indeed.

Jeremy Corbyn must be thinking that as well with the seven MPs defecting from his Labour Party. He must be counting his blessings it’s only seven … ooops there goes another one, that’s eight! The surprise is that he’s surprised. The world is not devoid of trust though. The Conservative government has learned to trust Corbyn’s Abstaining Party to bail them out of whatever trouble in which they find themselves. Ooops there go another three, Tories this time. It’s difficult to keep up. Ooops there goes another Labour one! Where will it all end? What would old Mrs MacDonald have made of it all? Thank goodness we can trust Theresa to sort out Brexit?

In Syria, as jihadi bride or daft lassie, Shamima Begum has her passport revoked we’re tempted to ask “What about the Campbell’s passports?” But we won’t. That’s all in the past after all!

PH49 4HP               tel: 01855 811168               Glencoecafe

Scones, Top

Scotts at South Queensferry

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Just when it seems that our government is hell bent on making everyone unhappy we find a place that specialising in doing exactly the opposite. Perhaps we should explain.

Port Edgar gets the Edgar bit from Edgar Aetheling, the brother of Queen Margaret from whom Queensferry get its name. In my mind, however, it is always associated with my powerboat license. It’s where I got it.

View of Forth Bridges from Scotts at Port Edgar
Road and rail bridges from the terrace at Scotts

Lots of ‘man overboard’  and James Bond type manoeuvres conducted under the two Forth Bridges. At that time the Queensferry Crossing wasn’t even a gleam in the eye of the Scottish Government. That gives you an idea of how long ago it was.

View of Queensferry Crossing from Scotts at Port Edgar
Queensferry Crossing from the terrace at Scotts
First impressions

The last time we were here it was at the Canadian/Scottish themed Down The Hatch, all maple leaves and Saltires. This place, Scotts at South Queensferry, was yet to open. They add ‘South Queensferry’ because no one, except yachties and powerboaters, has ever heard of Port Edgar. Eight years ago Buzzworks Holdings started out in Largs marina with their first restaurant. This is now their eleventh and most recent.

Internal view of Scotts at Port Edgar
Part of the ‘bookable’ restaurant area
Mission statements

Approaching from the car park it doesn’t look too promising. Once inside, however, the somewhat austere industrial exterior gives way to a wonderful warm and beautifully decorated interior. All centered round a large horshoe bar. It’s really busy. Outside there was not a soul to be seen. In here there are tons of folk all eating drinking and generally enjoying themselves. The sound of multiple conversations, the clink of glasses and the buzz of staff quietly going about their business.

Their stated mission is “to make people happy”. Well we would see about that, wouldn’t we! We’re also on a mission and, at the end of the day, it would all depend on the scones whether this duo were happy or not.Internal view of Scotts at Port Edgar

Kiwis

The person looking after us was Kasey, a kiwi, spending some time working in Scotland. She had already spent five months working in Elliots in Prestwick but while it was undergoing a £1m refurbishment the company had arranged for her to work here. Hotel and travelling expenses all taken care of. They obviously know how to retain their good staff because Kasey was a delight. When we asked how long she was planning to stay in Scotland she said “until my visa runs out at the end on 2020”. Welcome Kasey, great to have you here.Internal view of Scotts at Port Edgar
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Unbookable

We had noticed the scones on the way in, They looked quite big. As we ordered lunch we asked for a scone to share with our tea. Kasey told us. “All scones come with butter, jam and cream but would you like the scone just as it is, gently warmed or toasted?” A scone at Scotts at Port EdgarNever been asked that before! Fab, toasted it was. As we waited for our scone to arrive we could see that all the staff, even though they were very busy, took time to chat and have a laugh with the customers. This is how customer care should be! Scotts even has an area for people who book and another which is unbookable. It’s for people like us who just turn up out of the blue. Genius!

Fish at Scotts at Port Edgar
Scotts’ aquarium

After our lunch our toasted scone duly arrived. Nicely presented, wonderfully warm and with plenty of everything to go with it. Delicious, we were delighted to award a topscone. You might think it was expensive however we had a delicious lunch, tea, coffee and a topscone for under £25, not too bad at all.

Internal view of Scotts at Port Edgar
part of the bar area

If indeed their mission is to make people happy then it certainly worked for us. We were happy, happy, happy. Not something we could say about the current political outlook. As Theresa May goes off to Brussels to flog the horse that died months ago you do feel for the horse. It must be thinking “I’m dead for goodness sake, stop the flogging!” There’s a wonderful irony in Northern Ireland being the obstacle to progress on Brexit what with Northern Ireland being a purely Westminster construct.

Happy again?

At least Corbyn, who has led from the back throughout Brexit, has decided to talk again. Presumably because no one was talking to him … hurragh! Maybe they can just forget the whole Brexit thing and, like Scotts, make people happy again. Even the most ardent Brexiteers might be happy to see some return to normality. Perhaps Buzzworks Holdings should be put in charge of the whole thing.

Internal view of Scotts at Port Edgar
part of he non-bookable area
Nothing changes

Today is the 100th anniversary of the Battle of George Square in Glasgow. In 1919 about 25,000 striking workers, who had petitioned for a 40 hour working week, gathered in the Square awaiting the result. Westminster sent troops and tanks to quell what they perceived as the beginning of a Bolshevik style revolution. No Scottish troops were involved for fear they might side with the strikers. There was huge fear that access to Scotland’s resources might be lost. Gosh, one hundred years on and nothing’s changed!Internal view of Scotts at Port EdgarMany thanks to Scotts and our new kiwi friend for a very enjoyable visit. Consider your mission accomplished.

EH30 9SQ                  tel: 0131 370 8166               Scotts

Scones, Top

Peacock Alley

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Hello, hello, the UK here! Is there anybody out there? Has the US gone to war with N. Korea, or Iran, or Mexico? Is there any wall building going on? What about the gilet jaune? We ask because recently we have had no news whatsoever. Wall to wall coverage of journalists asking experts Brexit questions to which they don’t know the answers. The journalists know the experts don’t know the answers but they ask anyway … over and over and over. When they get bored of experts they go and ask the man in the street for answers … aaarggghhh! Such is the state of UK media and politics.

The logo for Peacock Alley at Waldorf Astoria, EdinburghAfter the most disastrous week ever in the history of British politics, she with no shame, has promised to listen to others. Woopeedoo! Now, rather than take this wondrous opportunity, Corbyn has gone in the huff, refusing to talk. Over the past year he has been half savaged to death by principles jumping up and biting him but he hasn’t recognised any of them. Now he has suddenly discovered one … ‘no talks without a guarantee of No Hard Brexit’! Absolutely brilliant Jeremy. Considering most of your backers voted for exactly the opposite, absolutely brilliant! No wonder the EU is scratching its twenty seven heads.

Interior view of Peacock Alley at Waldorf Astoria, EdinburghHow to spend money

Let us take you away from all that for just a moment. Today we are on a mission to spend some money.  Eh? More difficult than you might imagine. We decided to take a trip into Edinburgh and go see ‘Colette’ at the cinema. The concessionary rail ticket didn’t cost much. The Cameo Picturehouse didn’t cost anything … we’re members. Afterwards we took a bus into the town centre and it didn’t cost anything either. How do you spend money in Scotland? Okay, you’ve guessed … scones. So far we have not discovered anywhere that does free scones, or even concessionary scones but rest assured, when we do, you will be the first to know.

By the way Colette, starring Keira Knightley was enjoyable enough. Beautifully photographed and well acted but, for us, it just never quite got going.

Interior view of Peacock Alley at Waldorf Astoria, Edinburgh

Strutting

Anyway the bus dropped us off right outside the Waldorf Astoria. It was the bus that did it … honest! On previous visits we have gone to the Pompadour restaurant but at this time of day it had to be Peacock Alley. It is situated in what used to be the forecourt of the old Princes Street Station.  Peacock Alley gets its name from the original Waldorf Astoria which opened in 1897 where the Empire State Building stands today. It had a corridor where the rich and powerful could strut their stuff. When we arrived there were already several other rich and powerful people there. Things got decidedly awkward for a while as we all flaunted our rival plumage. Eventually things simmered down and we were able to take our seats and order some lunch … and a cream tea.

The station clock at Peacock Alley at Waldorf Astoria, Edinburgh
The old station clock which was always 5 minutes fast and still is.

Paul, who was looking after us and had obviously been impressed by our performance, asked us to go easy on him since he had only been in the job a few days. He was still learning. No problem, all our angst was directed towards the vast tea menu. Eventually Pat opted for Blue Lady. A blend of mallow and marigold flowers and flavoured with grapefruit. I’m not allowed grapefruit so it was the Peacock Alley blend for me. Apparently it’s inspired by the history of the railway station. Lapsang souchong, roasted oolong combined with specially selected Scottish whisky. Normally we just laugh at these descriptions but the Peacock Alley blend did taste a bit smokey with just a hint of train driver’s overalls.

The scones come two by two

We had some lunch and were ready for our cream teas. Unexpectedly, the scones in a cream tea come as a warm brace. Help, would we manage both? Initially we thought “no way” however they were so gooA scone at Peacock Alley at Waldorf Astoria, Edinburghd we eventually polished off the lot. The warm scones together with pineapple and passion fruit jam and clotted cream were absolutely delicious. Topscone. They weren’t exactly cheap but you don’t get surroundings like this and the services of Paul for nothing. At the end of the day we were able to spend some money … mission accomplished!

Interior view of Peacock Alley at Waldorf Astoria, EdinburghBack to the reality and the chaos of Brexit! Perhaps the UK should take a leaf out of Trump’s book? Did we actually just say that? Lock up all our MPs without pay until they come to a consensus. In the circumstances we think that, since the experts are completely clueless perhaps the decision should be put back to the man in the street. Not every man in the street, just the one who wants to stay in the EU.

Just think! If Scotland had got its independence in 2014 we could have avoided all this nonsense. We could just have looked on and laughed like the rest of the world. As The Donald would say … sad! The sooner Scotland ditches Westminster the better … FREEDOM!!

EH1 2AB             tel: 0131 222 8945                 Peacock

Ordinary, Scones

The Fork & Mustard

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Confusion

Joyous news, this may be the last scone you have to endure this year. Of course, it’s also an opportunity for us to wish everyone a Merry Christmas but first perhaps we can enlist your help. We are confused! “No surprise there”, we hear you say.

You probably think it’s Brexit, but it’s not! Brexit’s not confusing, its just stupid. No, it’s because we are bombarded with adverts on TV asking us to send £3 to save a child or a donkey somewhere. Plus the news that 600 homeless people have died in mega rich England this year. Okay, you agree, that’s pretty awful, but what’s confusing about it?

Well, while we may feel guilty about all that, we simultaneously pay, ‘The Chosen One’,  the imbecilic Jose Mourinho £18m per season to manage Manchester United badly. Then we fork out an additional £15m just to see him off the premises. Little wonder he has spent the last two and a half years living in a five star hotel. You might say that we don’t actually pay him but of course, in reality, we do, albeit indirectly. Why do we, as a society, do that? That’s what’s confusing!

Are we completely blind to donkeys and homeless people when we would rather pay a complete idiot ludicrous amounts of money for doing something which is of no importance whatsoever? If £3 saves a donkey, get it to do the job! We’re certain Man U would do just as well … or badly. However, we don’t want to worry you just before Christmas so we have come up with an answer of our own.

Andy Murray and Tiger Woods
A tea cosy at the Fork & Mustard Café, Falkirk
Fork & Mustard tea cosyt

The world’s New Year resolution for 2019 should be to completely eradicate all professional sport … simple! It only brings out the worst in folk and we think the world would be a much happier place without any of it. Precisely nothing would be lost. Except maybe the Andy Murrays and Tiger Woods with their entourages of physiotherapists, doctors, dietitians and psychiatrists. But that’s not really sport, it’s cheating! Tennis, golf and the like would still be played, still be televised and be even more exciting. Anyway, you will no doubt be delighted to hear that that’s our pre-Christmas rant over. Interior view of the Fork & Mustard Café, Falkirk

Tasmanian waiters at the Fork & Mustard

While we were pondering which ridiculous high paid job Jose would end up in next we arrived here, at the Fork & Mustard. In keeping with the ever changing face of Falkirk, up until a year ago this place was called Shy Violet. The lady who welcomed us had one of those super bubbly personalities you immediately warm to. When we asked how she came by the name ‘Fork & Mustard’ we got a fairly lengthy tale about an Italian waiter in Tasmania who kept misunderstanding what was being said to him. He thought he was being asked for a ‘fork and mustard’ whereas they were actually saying unkind things involving sweary words that we couldn’t possibly repeat here. Suffice to say this Fork & Mustard is unique. The only one in the world.

Sweetness

They have the modern necessity, a vegan and gluten free menu. Novel teapot at the Fork & Mustard Café, FalkirkWe actually have some sympathy with the guy who killed the cow because it was eating the vegan’s food. Most things are made on the premises. Some from hand me down family recipes “just like granny used to make.” How would granny’s scones be? A scone at the Fork & Mustard Café, FalkirkWhen Pat’s tea came it was in a rather novel glass teapot that automatically drained and filtered the tea leaves when it was placed on top of the cup. And we thought we had seen everything! Our scone was very good, packed with fruit but we felt that granny had put in a little bit too much sugar for our taste. No topscone but we enjoyed this place very much. It had a great atmosphere, created entirely by the super helpful staff. We will be back.

Open goals

Another thing we are confused about. How does the Labour party manage to make such a mess of opposition? The Tories have given them sooo many open goals. Okay, no one has any idea what they stand for. And, of course, they have shot themselves in the foot so often they should be referred to a self-harming clinic. But apart from that? It’s very confusing! In Tasmania they would probably refer to Corbyn as a useless ‘fork & mustard’.

Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year to all our readers.

FK1 1HX         tel: 01324 637 374      The Fork and Mustard

Scones, Top

Darcy’s – Princes Square

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Sometimes you just get the urge. You just fancy something! Maybe you fancy a classic mojito, perhaps a strawberry fizz mocktail; maybe a spot of face painting; or even a full blown lunch with private dining; maybe some live music. Or maybe you just want to stay in the EU or maybe you just never want to hear of Brexit ever again! Well, you can have all of these (except the last two) at Darcy’s in Glasgow’s Princes Square. All Ted Baker and Vivienne Westwood, Princes Square is a rather upmarket glitzy shopping centre. Darcy’s is just one of a dozen restaurants.

Christmas lights in Royal Exchange Square, Glasgow
Christmas comes to Glasgow’s Royal Exchange Square
Epic messes

It was over two years ago that we were here having afternoon tea at Cranachan and berating them for serving fully loaded scones. As you all know by now, a cardinal sin in our eyes. We were also feeling a bit sorry for Jeremy Corbyn. He had just done unexpectedly well in the general election but was being given a hard time for not singing while everyone else was trying to enlist God’s help in saving HRH. Things haven’t got any better for him in the intervening years but it’s all of his own making. Any sympathy we may have had has long since evaporated. Unbelievably, he actually might even have a chance of winning a general election should one be called. Not because of anything he has done but simply because of the epic mess the Tories are currently making of just about everything.. Internal view of Darcy's Café, Prices Square, Glasgow

Okay, okay what about Darcy’s scones? It’s busy busy and there was only a single table left when we arrived. The whole place had a nice buzz about it. That buzz however may have given rise to a slight hiccup at the beginning when, having waited for about five minutes, we had to go and find someone to serve us. However, after that we were looked after very well. A scone at Darcy's Café, Prices Square, GlasgowOur scones came on very large plates which we were sure were the same as we had when reviewing our Liberty of London scone. That was also over two years ago so how sad is it that we remember things like the plates? My coffee was great and came complete with a little amaretti biscuit … nice!.

Anyway the plates certainly didn’t cramp our lovely warm fruit scones … nicely presented with a pat of butter, a pot of the ubiquitous Tiptree jam and a ramekin of cream with a strawberry on top. What’s not to like? In the end we decide to forgive the hiatus in service and award a topscone. Well done Darcy’s.

Face painting

 Just in case we have fired up anyone’s interest in face painting, it takes place every Sunday between 1 and 3pm and everyone goes home with a balloon! Remember to have a scone as well!

French newspaper covering at Darcy's Café, Prices Square, Glasgow
Pillars covered in old French newspapers??
Landing on Mars

We weaved our way back to the railway station through dozens of beggers sitting in the wet and cold. We also learned that we have successfully landed a spaceship on Mars … hurragh! With all these beggers, food banks and 1 in 4 children living in poverty, lets hope, if they find anything at all on Mars, it’s a moral compass?

G1 3JN        tel: 0845 166 6012        Darcy’s

ps: Attention all telephone box enthusiasts. Obviously this not a K6  but a somewhat different concrete police telephone box. The only similarity to a K6 is that its door is also made of teak. Originally all police telephone boxes were coloured red and only changed to blue because of the popularity of Dr Who. None of the BBC’s props have actually been true to the original design. The explanation is that its chameleon circuits sometimes drift a little if left in the same position for too long. This particular TARDIS in Buchanan Street did not really contain a huge Bier Halle  full of drunken Germans. Although we didn’t actually look inside??Tardis in Buchanan Street, Glasgow

Ordinary, Scones

Crail Harbour Gallery

Back around the middle of the 16th century the union between Scotland and France was very strong. It was founded on the understanding that Scottish royalty would marry French royalty and vice versa. To this end James V married Madeleine of Valois in Paris in 1537. Later that year, as Queen Madeleine, she arrived in Leith amidst great celebration. Six months later, however, she died. Never mind, within a year James married another French princess, Mary of Guise. She was shipped over to Scotland together with some 2,000 lords and barons. Bet you thought mail-order brides were a relatively recent phenomenon!

Miscalculations

She was supposed to land at St Andrews but due to a miscalculation by the captain, she landed at Crail instead. Her first night in Scotland was at Balcomie Castle. All was well however because, when she eventually did cover the last ten miles to St Andrews, there followed several days of bounteous merriment. She, of, course would eventually become mother to Mary Queen of Scots. The rest, as they say, is history. External view of Crail Harbour Gallery and Tearoom

This slightly verbose introduction is simply to say that today we are in Crail, a beautiful little fishing village on the East Neuk of Fife. Apparently, at one time, it could easily be mistaken for St Andrews if looking at it through squinty eyes from the sea. Just up the hill from the harbour we came across the Crail Harbour Gallery and Tearoom. It owes its existence to the artist D S MacKie. He converted the 17th century storage space into a gallery for his own work. Internal view of Crail Harbour Gallery and Tearoom

That time of year

The interior is small but it has an even smaller garden area where you can sit and take in fabulous sea views. View from Crail Harbour Gallery and Tearoom towards Isle of MayOn a lovely sunny day like this  it was glorious to sit out. However we were eventually driven inside by wasps … it’s that time of year again, shame.

The girls looking after us were very warm and welcoming. They took our random table changes in their stride though they were probably cursing us under their breath. A light lunch was, of course, followed by a scone which we shared. A scone at Crail Harbour Gallery and TearoomIt came nicely presented with everything you would want for a good scone, plus, a little piece of Scottish tablet on the side. We will eat healthy tomorrow … honest! The scone was very enjoyable and because of the great service and presentation we swithered hard about a topscone. Eventually we decided that the scone itself just didn’t quite do it … pity!

One of the many noteable things about Crail is the weathervane on the Tolbooth building. Rather than the cockerel of weather vane tradition, it is a smoked haddock … fab!

View of Crail Harbour
The Gallery and Tearoom is to the right of this picture

Balcomie Castle where Queen Mary spent her first night is also haunted by a small boy who misbehaved about 400 years ago. They threw him in the keep for a few hours to teach him a lesson but went away forgetting about him. He starved to death!

Bigger keep please

We can think of a few politicians who could do with a few hours in the keep. However, just when you are trying to pick one: May, Johnstone, Corbyn, Rees Mogg, Trump, Australia has to go and get in on the act. Their own chaotic elections have produced a brand new shiny PM, Scott Morrison! We really are spoiled for choice. We need a bigger keep!

KY10 3SU     tel: 01333 451896     Crail Gallery and Tearoom

Ordinary, Scones

The Portonian Bakery

This is a bit of a nostalgia trip for us, or at least for me … and it’s only three miles from home! In spite of the short distance we hardly ever visit Grangemouth because it’s not the place it used to be. Not that a town whose main feature is a petrochemical refinery was ever a must-see destination for anyone. Having said that, Grangemouth during the day unfortunately always looks like Grangemouth but at night, if you squidge your eyes a bit, with all its myriad of twinkly lights, it looks like Vegas.

General dogsbody

Back in the good old days, however, it did have a lot more going for it. I started my working life directly across from the Portonian Bakery & Tea Rooms in what was then Lumley Street. The architect Philip Cocker, in his offices next to the Bon Accord pub, was my lucky employer. I was head dogsbody. Used and abused by all the staff but it was a great, I thoroughly enjoyed my time there. At lunchtime we could wander down to the refinery, then owned by BP, and use their excellent canteen facilities. Not sure we were supposed to be there but, in those days, no one seemed to mind. After work, on the way home, you could take a wee detour through the docks gazing up at the ships. Wondering where they had come from and where they were going to next.

Today, everything is very different and none of it for the better. Cocker’s and the Bon Accord no longer exist. In fact Lumley Street itself has disappeared, replaced by the awful concrete edifice that is the La Porte Precinct shopping centre. The refinery, now Ineos, is still there but owned by one man and there is no way he is going to allow you anywhere near the place never mind let you in for lunch. The docks are fenced off … Bin Laden saw to that. As Trump so eloquently puts it … sad! Internal view of the Portonian Bakery and Tea Room in Grangemouth

When I worked across the road, the 60s style building that now houses The Portonian Bakery & Tea Rooms was a Victorian tenement with shops on the ground floor and houses above accessed by open spiral stone stairs round the back. The tearoom gets its name from the fact that natives of Grangemouth are referred to as Portonians.

Price wars

Already depressed by the state of the shopping centre we came in here for a spot of lunch. At first, it didn’t do much to lighten our mood. The multinational Costa coffee house across the road was strangely empty but this place was busy busy. What was going on? Eventually we worked out that it had to be down to price. We had a light lunch of sandwiches and a scone with coffee and a peppermint tea for the price of a couple of coffees in Costa. If it’s a price war that’s going on we know who is winning. That did lighten the mood considerably. A scone at the Portonian Bakery and Tea Room in GrangemouthWith it being a bakery we had relatively high hopes that the scones would be topnotch. They were good but with an overall softness which is not to our own particular taste.

Now, answer this question … why are packs of frozen butter so often served with soft scones?? Unless you put them in your trouser pocket our down your cleavage for a couple of minutes it is nigh on impossible to spread them. In the end they were okay but probably not as good as their strawberry tarts. We didn’t have any strawberry tarts but we thought the picture might stimulate your salivary glands.Strawberry tarts at the Portonian Bakery and Tea Room in Grangemouth

Battle of Grangemouth

Since Westminster has been going about bullying other countries into agreeing with them about how utterly dastardly Russia is, there has been barely a mention of Brexit. As distraction politics goes it has worked perfectly … what next? In 2013, politics, or at least Labour politics, took a bit of a bashing here in Grangemouth in what became known in some quarters as the Battle of Grangemouth. Not a battle as such, more of an almighty industrial dispute. It did mark the moment however when the labour movement finally lost its way. It descended into factionalism and Jim Ratcliffe, the owner of Ineos, rode off into the sunset with a grin like the proverbial Cheshire cat.

Even with Corbyn in charge, the Labour party still has not found its way. The other day they voted with the Conservatives to oust the popularly elected SNP administration in our own Falkirk Council … unbelievable. Poor old Keir Hardie, would be spinning in his grave. Nice as this trip down memory lane was we probably won’t be back anytime soon … too many memories.

FK3 8AW         no telephone          Portonian Bakery & Tea Rooms FB