A few months ago we visited Cafe Portrait in late afternoon only to be told that if we wanted any of their “absolutely delicious” scones we would have to be there much earlier in the day. The manner in which we were told sounded almost like a challenge, throwing down the gauntlet, even!
Opened in 1889 at a cost of £70,000, the Scottish National Portrait Gallery on Queen Street
Scones versus lunch
Never ones to shirk a scone challenge we set about it today. Rather conveniently the Portrait Gallery is on the same street as the Whisky Society where we were to have lunch. Suffice to say we were there early enough and they had scones … fruit and cheese and mustard. Mindful of our lunch date later we decided to share one of the cheese and mustard scones … unexplored territory for us! But first we spent some time going round the exhibits.
The Foyer. The Gallery was built in 1889 at a cost of £70,000 funded by John Ritchie Findlay, owner of The Scotsman newspaper.
Scotland certainly had its fair share of heroes and scoundrels. Here’s a random selection.
Robert Burns, reproduced on shortbread tins the world over, this is the first time we have seen the original by Alexander Nasmyth in 1787Gregor MacGregor painted in 1804. Scotland’s greatest scoundrel through selling packets of useless land in a semi fictitious Kingdom in Central America. Somehow he managed to be buried with full military honours in VenezuelaFlora Macdonald who famously helped Bonnie Prince Charlie escape to France (painted by Richard Wilson in 1747) and the Bonnie Prince himself (painted by William Mosman in 1750)The rather jolly looking beheading of Charles I. Perhaps we have progressed after all … Charles III shouldn’t have to worry too much nowadays (painted by Jan Wessop in 1649)
Okay, but what about the scones? Cafe Portrait is big and airy and busy. We might discover whether or not their rather immodest claims for their scones were justified or not.
A first
There’s lots of delicious looking food on offer but, mindful of our lunch date, we only wanted a scone to share. The fruit scones looked good but we decided to be adventurous and try their cheese and mustard offering. We hadn’t come across that combination before. No need for jam and cream, butter was all that was required. It was delicious with a lovely textured crunch and soft interior that tasted like nothing we had tasted before. Probably more cheesy than mustardy but the two together formed a very savoury treat! We had to admit that their original bragging was entirely justified and we felt slightly chastened for having even doubted it … topscone.
Illogical
The only downside to our visit was that the lift wasn’t working.
I started my career on plate cameras like this. Now, just fifty years later, I only ever use my phone … incredible.
Turned out that it hasn’t worked for the whole of this year. Apparently it’s the only one of its type in the world and they are currently waiting for technicians to come from Italy to try and fix it. Only the directors of an art gallery could get into a situation where a completely unique lift is required. Hopefully it will be sorted soon because there are a lot of stairs.
Talking of illogical decisions It would appear that this year the world reached an all time spending high of £2.6 trillion on arms manufacturing. Surely this is an indictment on all of us. Just think for a second on what that vast amount of money could have done had we not directed it towards death and destruction. The world needs a ‘reset’ button where it can return to original settings. But were the original settings any better? Aaaargh!
And today Humza Yousaf stepped down as First Minister of Scotland in a very graceful speech. Probably too nice a man for politics, it will be interesting to see what happens now.
Robert Moffat missionary with John Mokoteri and Sarah Roby. Mokoteri and Roby were supposedly his adopted children but were more akin to servants
In case you’re worried, we hadn’t spoiled our appetite and managed a fantastic lunch at the Whisky Society, helped down by a few glasses of the amber nectar.
Cafe Riva at Inverkip Marina takes its name from the classic Riva Aquarama speedboat which although it went out of production in 1999 is still much sought after by the rich and famous.. My experiences on the ocean wave, however, weren’t nearly so high powered or spritely!
Love, hate
Being here is a bit of a nostalgia trip. For quite a few years I would be leaving from here on a 34ft Westerly Falcon called Brizo. Six knots was the maximum speed and we didn’t hit that very often. Having said that, we did once manage an exhilarating 14 knots but only with the help of the infamous Corryvreckan whirlpool. The boat was owned by a syndicate, all of whom lived down south. Being the only relatively local person, I was called upon every other weekend to crew with whichever member of the syndicate’s turn it was to have the boat. With seven berths there were many happy adventures exploring the coastlines of Scotland and Ireland. For me personally it was a love hate relationship. I was always fine on board until we left the marina whereupon I would promptly be sick … never ever found my sea legs!
Always worth it in the end though. Some great trips as far as Orkney and St Kilda in some fantastic company.
Closing time
The marina has got bigger since these days and Café Riva is one of the new additions. We had the misfortune to arrive fifteen minutes before closing. The tables and chairs were already being taken in. Somewhat grudgingly they agreed to provide us with a scone and some tea. The fact that we couldn’t sit inside wasn’t a problem since the day was a bit cloudy but lovely and warm. Our tea and scone was plonked on our table without ceremony. The scone in a paper bag and the tea in cardboard cups. By now, you have probably guessed that this was never going to be a topscone. But we enjoyed sitting there watching the rest of the tables and chairs disappearing inside.
Nightmares
In our previous post from Helensbank we mentioned the plight of the five people stuck in a mini-submarine near the wreck of the Titanic. Barak Obama rightly questioned the wall to wall media coverage it was getting. Of course, we now know it resulted in the sad loss of all five lives. Obama was comparing it to the comparatively scant coverage given to the loss of 700 lives in a fishing boat off the coast of Italy. Both were tragedies for everyone involved. We think, however, the uneven coverage was probably due to a basic human condition. Being trapped in a cold dark place for days on end simply waiting for your oxygen to run out relates to peoples most base fears … the stuff of nightmares. The Mediterranean tragedy wasn’t relatable in quite the same way.
Just outside Café Riva was this intriguing sculpture which we could also relate to. On the little plaque it said “Sometimes We Get It Right”
Promising signs .. or not?
Elsewhere, part of Russia’s army, the infamous Wagner Group seems to be in a state of mutiny. However, they probably haven’t fully reckoned in dealing with a duplicitous Moscow. Similarly Humza Yousaf, First Minister of Scotland, has just published his road map to Scottish Independence. However, we think he probably hasn’t fully reckoned with the duplicitous parcel of rogues at Westminster.
Shetland seems like a distant but very fond memory now. We will always remember the friendliness of the people there. These days there’s a tendency for people to be a bit self-absorbed so it was great to see a healthy spirit of community on these islands. Anyway, now it’s back to reality. Although we would have a cheek to call Cairn Lodge in Auchterader, reality!
If it is reality then we are having a very soft landing. Today we were invited for breakfast by friends which was fabulous. And now we are at Cairn Lodge because other friends have invited us for afternoon tea. How lucky are we?
One of our aunts really liked Cairn Lodge so we used to come here years ago. Since then it has been taken over by Aurora Hotels and they have completely revamped it to become a luxury destination. Probably just as well because its next door neighbour is the well known haunt of the rich and famous, Gleneagles Hotel.
Friends to the rescue
It might be an age related thing but ‘time’ seems to play tricks on us these days. Huge amounts of it seem to simply disappear. We haven’t seen these friends since they rescued us from a car crash near their home … and that was over six years ago! Incredible! Ironically, the car that crashed into us was racing to try and catch the ferry from Aberdeen to Shetland. Nobody seriously hurt but our car was completely wrecked. Our friends, however, galloped to the rescue. They fed and watered us then insisted on delivering us to our destination many miles away in Pitlochry. Much water has flowed under the bridge since then so there was a mega amount of stuff to catch up on!
The young lady looking after us was superb and within two shakes of a lamb’s tail she was filling our glasses with bubbles and presenting us with an absolutely delicious artichoke based amuse-bouche. Then came a three tier stack of afternoon tea. Two of them between the four of us as well as a separate plate of sandwiches. Sometimes we think that afternoon teas are misjudged in that there is often too much of everything. We thought this one was judged perfectly. Separate little pots of jam and clotted cream completed the presentation. It probably goes without saying that everything was delicious and the scones were no exception. There was a plain scone and a whisky soaked fruit scone for each of us.
Harmony
Thinking about it now, it seems unbelievable that, in Scotland, this is the first whisky soaked scone we’ve ever come across. Lovely and warm, nice and crunchy on the outside and a delicate soft interior with that ever so subtle hint of the amber nectar. Two of our favourite things brought together in perfect harmony! So good they almost made our ‘totallyeffinbrilliantscone’ category!
Not so brilliant perhaps was Scotland’s new First Minister, Humza Yousaf’s first week in his new job. Many have expressed disappointment but we feel he needs to be given a chance. He has a mountain to climb! Isn’t it peculiar that all political parties recognise Scotland as a nation yet refuse to give us permission to determine our own future. What sort of logic is that? It’s also a bit odd that we now have Humza Yousaf, a practicing Muslim of Pakistani extraction and Rishi Sunak, a practicing Hindu of Indian extraction fighting over Scottish independence. You couldn’t make it up!
Today has been fantastic and it is all down to our wonderful friends. With friends like ours and whisky soaked scones, what more could we possibly ask for?
WARNING: No scones feature in this post! However, before you judge us too harshly you should read on to see the extent of our efforts on your behalf. Scone hunting in the northernmost reaches of Scotland is not for the faint hearted!
Actually today started off in a different direction. Our intention was to go to Fair Isle which lies half way between Shetland and Orkney. Yesterday we had gone to Tingwall Airport, just six miles from Lerwick, to book seats but it was shut. No response to us knocking on the door of Terminal 1. There weren’t any other Terminals to choose from and it was Sunday!
This morning we were back again and the nice lady behind the desk looked at her screen only to announce apologetically that there was only one seat left. I said that Pat would sit on my knee, it’s only a 25 minute flight after all, but she just smiled pityingly and shook her head. A scone from Fair Isle would have been great but now we would have to revert to Plan B. That meant heading in the opposite direction to get as far north as we could. Muckle Flugga lighthouse was our new target. Onwards and northwards!
Dedication
To get there we had to catch a ferry to Yell, drive across Yell then another ferry to Unst. It promised to be a good day, the weather was lovely and we like ferries. From a sconological point of view Unst has the UK’s most northerly tearoom … Victoria’s Vintage Tearoom. Honestly, the things we do for our sconey readers!
Our ferry ‘Bigga’ at Toft looking towards Yell
Before long we were at Toft to catch our ferry to Yell. It’s always exciting to arrive somewhere new and waiting for ferries just heightens the anticipation. To add to the anticipation we had been told by a lorry driver that he missed the previous ferry because he hadn’t booked. He wasn’t sure if he would get on the next one either. Argh! We weren’t booked either! Turns out catching ferries is a bit of a lottery if you’re not booked. No problem though, we got on and so did our lorry driver. Fifteen minutes later we were arriving at Ulsta on Yell!
Restoration project
Yell has a population of about 1000 people and has been inhabited since Neolithic times. There are many Pictish brochs. You can also find the ruins of the Windhouse – the most haunted house on Shetland. It was built in 1707 and when it was being renovated 160 years later skeletons were found under the floor. An English couple bought it in 2003 to restore it … no restoration ever took place and it’s back on the market. Anyone interested? Apparently, being this close to Norway, there’s quite a lot of trolls on Yell.
Ferry arriving at Gutcher on Yell with Unst in the distance
Luftwaffe
Once again the roads were first class and before long we were in Gutcher waiting for the ferry to Belmont on Unst. Gutcher is a tiny settlement but during WWII the Luftwaffe bombed the post office in an attempt to disrupt communications … hard to believe.
Lord Bothwell, Mary Queen of Scot’s third husband, fled to Unst when he was accused of murdering her second husband. Three ships were sent to bring him back but the sea battle that followed resulted in him sailing off to Norway. Obviously, he didn’t need to book a ferry!
Stereotyping?
No time was wasted in making our way to Victoria’s Vintage Tearoom at Haroldswick in the very north of Unst. It was closed! If it wasn’t for bad luck we wouldn’t have no luck at all.
The Uk’s most northerly tearoom
We had an odd experience here. As far as we could make out we were the only people around for miles apart from two Americans working in the garden of the house next door. They were speaking loudly to each other but apart from a curt “it’s closed“, they steadfastly ignored us. That’s in spite of us being just a few feet away in this vast expanse of emptiness. Having become so used to the warmth and friendliness of the Shetlanders we found this a little disconcerting. Before we get into trouble with our American readers let us emphasise that we are not saying this is stereotypical American behaviour. We know the complete opposite to be true … honest!
End of the world
Not to worry, a little further along the road at Hermaness we reached the end of the road and our destination, the Muckle Flugga lighthouse. No ferries, bookable or otherwise, to the island but at least we could see it. To the east lies the Norwegian Sea, to the north the Artic ocean and to the left the Atlantic. Apart from a nature reserve there’s nothing here. It has that Tierra del Fuego “end of the world” feel about it.
The lighthouse was built in 1854 to protect naval vessels going to war in Crimea … somethings never change! My birthday present bottle of Muckle Flugga whisky is supposed to be stored for 12 months in a cave near here to give it its unique characteristic flavour. Couldn’t find the cave!
Men!
It used to be most northerly inhabited island in the UK until 1995 when the lighthouse was automated. That honour has now passed to Unst. For those interested in geology, Muckle Flugga was formed when two giants fell in love with the same mermaid. They fought over her by throwing large rocks at each other, one of which became Muckle Flugga. To get rid of them, the mermaid offered to marry whichever one would follow her to the North Pole. They both followed her and drowned, as neither could swim. Men??
Sconeless we headed south again and this was when we came on the Final Checkout, the most northerly shop in the UK. Amazingly, at £1.55 a litre it also seemed to have the cheapest diesel in the UK.
No scones so we decided to have a sassermaet (correct spelling) and egg roll.
Our Unst scone
Sassermeat is a Shetland speciality. It’s like what we would call ‘square’ or ‘Lorne’ sausage but made with their own spices. It had to be sampled. It was excellent but definitely not a scone! The initial appearance of The Final Checkout is deceptive. It’s big and has just about everything you could possibly think of: plumbing, electrical, household, groceries .. it’s all here! When I said to them “if I was to ask you for something you haven’t got, I would be struggling” They simply replied “If we’ve not got it, we’ll get it for you” … simple! We left with a supply of sassermaet to take home as a reminder of a very enjoyable visit.
Honesty
We have been surprised by the number of honesty boxes on Shetland … there’s a lot. A bit further down the road at Baltasound we came across this one.
The bus shelter is the famous Bobby’s bus shelter. Bobby was a local boy who got his father to campaign to have the shelter reinstated after it was removed by the Council. He used to cycle to catch the bus and needed somewhere to leave his bike. Once it was put back odd things happened. Every summer it mysteriously acquires a sofa, a TV, a microwave, curtains and even its own website.
The honesty boxes usually contain things like eggs, jam, sweets and cakes and have little cash boxes for the money … a problem in our cashless society. This one was in the form of a little house and when we lifted the roof it revealed boxes of eggs and packets of Shetland fudge. We had three one pound coins so the fudge was ours … yeah! It’s rather nice to see these things all over the place and we think it says something about the way of life up here.
To add to the general weirdness, the little traffic island adjacent to the shelter is dedicated to renowned disk jockey, John Peel who died in Peru a few years ago! Why?
Return to Lerwick
The notice says: This is an honesty cafe, so help yourselves, use the book to write down what you have taken and paid … and enjoy!
On our return journey we took the road down the east coast of Yell. Near Burravoe we discovered Le Petit Cafe – Chez Simone. Unfortunately, only open in the summer but it even has its own Unst Weather Rock … more fun than looking at your phone! Back in Lerwick and dinner in the Dowry. Oh dear we’re getting near the end of our Shetland adventure.
Fingers crossed
Today, Scotland’s new First Minister, Humza Yousaf, was announced following the sudden resignation of Nicola Sturgeon. Hopefully he will accelerate our journey to becoming a self respecting independent country once again!
ps: our Austrian correspondents have sent a photo of a “delicious” scone they had in the cafe of the Tower of London. Last year they travelled all over South Korea but it was sconeless. Okay, we can delete South Korea from our bucket list. Many thanks M&C
This is “Dobbie’s revisited” because we first visited Dobbies Garden Centre back in 2017. It was big then but now it’s even bigger. Of course, it’s not so much a garden centre now, more a kind of general store where you can buy almost anything you can imagine. You can even sell your car here! They still sell plants though. Their cafe area seems to have got bigger as well … it’s massive! Last time we thought that their scones were too big, surely they wouldn’t have got bigger as well.
Tempting offer?
Before all that though, you are probably wondering why the title picture is of a bull rather than a garden centre. That’s because we had no intention of coming to Dobbies. I suspect that most male readers would not experience any resistance when they ask their wives if they would like to go to the sales. When I asked Pat that very question, she just looked disbelieving and sceptical. Okay, okay, I eventually had to divulge that I meant the bull sales in Stirling but sales are sales … yes/no? All I can say is that she managed to contain her excitement really well!
Stirling Auction Mart has a vast car park however when we got to the roundabout on the main road that leads to the mart it was blocked by a couple of guys in hi-vis jackets telling us we would have to park elsewhere … the car park was full … argh! No parking on the main road so the nearest alternative was Dobbies and then walk back the quarter of a mile or so.
Guineas
We weren’t in the market for a bull. Especially since we would now have to walk it all the way back to the car. The conduct of the auction is a model of efficiency. Immediately after the ‘sold’ bull leaves the ring another simultaneously enters through a different gate. It is continuous. And, although they are all being sold no one seemed to be bidding. It takes a wee while to get your eye in and spot what is going on. One farmer just bid with a tiny flick of his little finger. All bids are in guineas. Why make it simple? It’s tradition!
Size is everything
There were 132 Simmental bulls being sold in our auction. The name and age in months and days of each animal goes up on a large LED screen. The program has lots of other details like height, weight and scrotal size … a bit personal!
This big fella went for £30,000
After a while we took a break and went to get a coffee in the cafe. No frills and everything served in farmer sized portions but no scones. I asked a farmer sitting beside us to explain why the age of each bull was so exact. He explained that each animal is given a unique ear tag at birth so everyone knows all about it. I asked if the age was particularly critical since they mostly seemed to be within a year of each other. He said it was important because whereas the younger bulls can manage around twenty females, the older ones can manage about forty. I didn’t know whether to feel impressed or totally inadequate.
No jam or cream
we resisted the fully loaded scones
We decide to leave before they started on the Charolais bull sale that followed. Even although the auctioneer assured us that some of the bulls were real bargains we left empty handed and that might be the first sale Pat has been to without buying anything. Of course going back to Dobbies to retrieve the car meant that we had to go in and check out their scones. Back in 2017 we had a cherry and coconut scone which did not impress. This time it was to be treacle for me and an empire biscuit for Pat. At least my scone was a good bit smaller than how we remembered them here, so that was a relief. Pat kindly decorated mine with the green jelly thingy from her biscuit. A long time since I’ve had a treacle scone and this one was really good. No jam or cream required, just some butter. A great day out and Pat was feeling spoiled … a sale and an empire biscuit!
Dobbies is older than we thought
Testosterone
With Nicola Sturgeon stepping down, Scottish politics is in a bit of a turmoil. The contest is between Humza Yousaf and Kate Forbes. Another female leader would be good since, particularly after the bull sales, there always seems to be too much testosterone floating around world politics. However the debate has become mired in religion and LGBT rights. Hopefully the arguments are not going to be about that … there are bigger things to worry about
The fruit scones looked good but we decided to be adventurous and try their cheese and mustard offering. We hadn’t come across that combination before. No need for jam and cream, butter was all that was required. It was delicious with a lovely textured crunch and soft interior that tasted like nothing we had tasted before. Probably more cheesy than mustardy but the two together formed a very savoury treat! We had to admit that their original bragging was entirely justified and we felt slightly chastened for having even doubted it … topscone.
