Tag Archives: Hippodrome cinema

Ordinary, Scones

Food@34a

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At the risk of becoming repetitive and boring with our cinematic exploits … here’s another.  You are all aware by now that we have developed a rather sinful habit of going to our local cinema … in the morning! They even give you a cup of tea and a biscuit! How nice is that?

External view of the Hippodrome in Bo'ness
Hippodrome, Scotland’s oldest picture palace

In our defence, we do try and bring you a fresh scone with each of these outings … this time it’s the turn of Food@34a.

There are garages … and then there are garages

Timing wise, this morning was rather difficult because our car was booked in for its annual MOT. Our garage is out in the boonies but no need to worry. They said they would give us a lift to the cinema, MOT the car and pick us up afterwards. How nice is that? Sign at the Hippodrome cinema

This time the film was called “Till”. An excellent movie set in 1955. Based on a true story about a fourteen year old black boy, Emmett Till, moving from Chicago to Mississippi for the summer to be with his cousins. He met a horrendous end, however, at the hands of white supremacists. In essence though “Till” is about a mother’s love for a lost son. It was  extremely well done but we found it a difficult watch. It left us both a bit raw.

Hell

For some reason it always seems naughty to be coming out of the movies and then going for lunch. And since. they gave me an indulgent slice of caramel shortcake with my tea instead of a biscuit, I’m sure I’m going straight to hell.

Internal view of Food@34a in Bo'ness

Food@34a is directly opposite 1884, a cafe we reviewed five years ago. It’s a rather odd name and the external appearance cannot be described as particularly inviting. Inside, however, it was a different story … bright and clean and airy!  Problem was, however, all the tables were taken. We were just about to walk back out the door when a lady called over and said that we could have their table as they were about to leave. How nice was that?

As a bonus the table was at a window so we are able to look out at the traffic … yeah! A scone at Food@34a in Bo'nessHonestly, the ‘biscuit’ at the cinema was all we had had all day so we were ready for something more to eat. After an excellent bite of lunch we launched into the fruit scone we were sharing. It was nicely presented with little bowls of jam and butter. We asked our server if they had cream. She said that they sometimes did but she would go and find out. She returned very apologetically saying that they didn’t have any today. Disappointing but how nice was that?

We particularly liked the food and cheery helpful service at Food@34a and would not think twice about going back. Oddly, in the short time that we were there it went from completely full to pretty much empty. When the garage picked us up they had given the car a clean bill of health. How nice is that?

Coffee Time sign at Food@34a in Bo'nessEthics

In out previous post, Hope Street Cafe, we said that we couldn’t really understand why our PM, Rishi (couldn’t punch my way out of a paper bag) Sunak hadn’t fired his Party Chairman over his £4.8million tax oversight. Well he has gone now, but only because Rishi’s ethics adviser advised him to do so. Just the presence of an ethics adviser infers that Rishi is unable to tell right from wrong by himself. Now he has a couple of dozen bullying complaints about his Deputy, Dominic Raab to deal with. He’s appointed a high powered lawyer to help him with that. The Tories certainly love their scandals!

EH51 0EA          tel: 07380 600235           Food@34aFB

///fixture.melts.snares

ps: a newspaper in Fife has recently reported on a local man who was trying to sell a Roll On Deodorant.

An article about a local man trying to sell a roll on deodorant

And another headline “Pensioner’s Big Cock Becomes Tourist Attraction”.

Ordinary, Scones

Hope Street Cafe

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This post comes to you from the Hope Street Cafe in Bo’ness. It’s in Hope Street so you can see the thinking. Last time we were here was back in 2018 when it was called Brian’s Cafe. At that time the media were getting their knickers in a twist about a poisoning in Salisbury. A critic of the regime in Russia, Sergei Skripal and his daughter had been affected by nerve agents. They were in a critical condition. This gave rise to frenzied speculation about whether or not Vladimir Putin might be a bad man. Well, as you know, things have moved on.

Omnipotence

2018 saw Putin, along with President Xi of China manufacture situations where they could remain in power for as long as they liked. In the US, Donald Trump was busy trying to follow their example. In the UK, Theresa May was finding it impossible to leave her job as PM because no-one else would take it. Well, as you know, things have moved on.

Internal view of Hope Street Cafe, Bo'nessWe are at the Hope Street Cafe because it’s adjacent to the Hippodrome cinema where we had been to see “A Man Called Otto”. It’s about an elderly man who thinks that the whole world has gone mad and he is the only sensible person left. I asked Pat if Otto reminded her of anyone … she just smiled. Things are so bad for Otto he finds it impossible, in spite of multiple attempts, to successfully commit suicide. His own incompetence or interfering neighbours always get in the way. It was a good film worth seeing. We got out of the cinema around lunchtime so that’s why we’re here in the cafe.

Fruit

It’s a no-frills kind of place … and all the better for that. The staff seemed to know everyone and it had that sort of buzz tA scone at Hope Street Cafe, Bo'nesshat you get in places that are full of regulars. After a bite of lunch we got a scone to share. It was a fruit scone. We knew that because we could see two pieces of fruit. However, as far as fruit was concerned, that was it! As per usual, Pat took the top half. But, perhaps thinking I might be inspired by Otto, was trying to avert a suicide attempt when she insisted that I had both bits of fruit. It’s love! Short of fruit perhaps but the scone itself was really quite nice. Of course, it was never going to be a topscone.Internal view of Hope Street Cafe, Bo'ness

Forgetfulness

Having enjoyed our visit we emerged into Hope Street  to the news that our former Chancellor of the Exchequer, Zadhim Zahawi, had inadvertently forgotten to pay £4.8million in tax. Don’t you find it really annoying when that happens? You’ve filled in all the forms as best you can but completely forgotten about the £27million you had just been given from an off-shore trust  … damn! Easily overlooked!

Three weeks into 2023 and the US has had 40 mass shootings already. Goodness, no wonder Otto thought he was the only sensible person left!

EH51 0AA        tel: 01506 823815         Hope Street Cafe 

///bubble.paramedic.audio

Scones, Top

McMoos Café

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The coronavirus plague continues. We have been told that the best way to counter the infection is to wash your hands while singing God Save The Queen. Surely that’s equivalent to telling folks to get under the table in the event of a nuclear attack? We are still braving the virus, however. We travelled a whole four miles to the Hippodrome Cinema in Bo’ness. Perhaps a cinema in the middle of the day is not the best place to be midst plague – quite a bit of snoring  ….  or was it death rattles?A wall picture at McMoos in Bo'ness

On this occasion, the movie was Emma, an adaption of Jane Austen’s 1815 novel. When we came out after the film, lo and behold, what was directly opposite the cinema? A new café no less! It is right next door to Brian’s Café and in the same street as 1884, both of which we have reviewed previously. It was called McMoos … don’t ask!

External view of the Hippodrome Cinema, Bo'ness
The Hippodrome opened in 1912 – it is Scotland’s oldest surviving cinema

But first, the film. If you like costume dramas this is the film for you. The costumes and settings are fabulous. The main character, Emma, is a beautiful overprivileged twenty one year old snob who likes nothing better than messing with other people’s love lives. The film gently follows her interfering ways (hence the snoring) until eventually, she falls foul of her own meddling. Suffice to say, like all such dramas, she gets her man in the end. It’s beautifully filmed and an easy watch.

No scones

The most surprising thing about the film was the complete lack of scones. We thought there would have been at least one scene with those aristocratic types taking afternoon tea in a wildflower meadow surrounded by a dozen or so servants. Then we remembered that afternoon tea wasn’t invented until twenty-five years later. 1840, that’s when the Duchess of Bedford felt she couldn’t make it through to her evening meal without a mid-afternoon snack. Pity really, however, although no scones were featured we still enjoyed the film.Internal view at McMoos in Bo'nessFor scones, we had to go all the way across the street to the aforementioned McMoos. It’s only been open a short time and as our friendly waitress explained: “We are still finding our feet“. A scone a t McMoos in Bo'nessOur scones were held back until we had finished a light lunch, then she returned and asked: “Would you like me to pop your scones in the oven now?” Nice.

The scones were quite big.  Not baked on the premises but we were assured, that they had been “Baked this morning by our own special baker“. We got a lovely little bowl of blackcurrant jam and some English clotted cream and Danish butter. Don’t you think that with a very Scottish name like McMoos, the butter at least could have been Scottish? Anyway, the scones were really good. And because they are still ‘finding their feet’ we put lapses in scone accoutrements down to inexperience and awarded a topscone. Well done McMoos, we wish you well.

Relationships

In 1815, when Austen was writing Emma, the Duke of Wellington was busy giving that French upstart, Napoleon, a jolly good seeing to at the Battle of Waterloo in Belgium. Did you realise that at one time our relationship with Europe was difficult?

View from McMoos in Bo'ness
View from McMoos

EH51 0AA.     tel: 01506 828983        McMoos FB

///inflation.things.braked

Scones, Top

Muircot Farm Shop

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Old photo of Muircot Farm Shop, Tillicoultry
I, at least, am getting old. I remember this sort of scene growing up in Glen Isla

Now that the summer is pretty well over we have reverted to our old routine of going to the early morning show at our local Hippodrome cinema. Today we saw The Farewell, a true story about lies … no, nothing to do with Boris! We thoroughly enjoyed it. It was our kind of film … no loud sounds, no nudity, no violence and no CGI. Are we getting old?

Afterwards we decide to act on a tip off we had received from our ever diligent Trossachs correspondents. They flagged up Muircot Farm Shop as a place they thought we would enjoy. It’s just outside the Clackmannanshire village of Coalsnaughton so not too far to drive after our movie.

Old photo of Muircot Farm Shop, Tillicoultry
I remember this precursor to the combine harvester as well. Nowadays we can proudly say that we know someone with nine combine harvesters … yes, nine!

Good advice

Those Trossachs folk know us too well. We were super impressed by everything. In some ways it is just like a multitude of other farm shops … a big shed! However this one seemed to have a slightly different vibe. Not sure if it was the warm and friendly staff, the spacious layout or the fabulous view of the Ochil hills, but it just felt good.

Internal view of Muircot Farm Shop, TillicoultryAs we ordered some lunch and were trying to make up our minds whether to have a scone each or to share one, our waitress said “you will get a lot of bread with your soup“. Sound advice as it turned out. Almost half a loaf of wonderfully soft whole meal bread made us very glad we decided to share a scone.

Topscone was an easy decision right from the start. Just the right size, wonderful texture with plenty of fruit and lots of jam and cream to go with it. Judging by the healthy portion sizes, you got the feeling that this place is run by a farmer’s wife. No one is going to leave hungry. Inevitably, in farm shops, you are tempted to buy a lot of stuff from the shop. That’s the whole idea after all! This was no exception. We came away with a great selection of goodies to take home.

The final solution

Recently we have met many people confused about what is happening with Brexit. When we say that we know what is happening they are surprised and relieved when it is explained. For the bewildered of the world, here is our explanation:

  • 31st Oct – we leave the EU (do or die)
  • 1st Nov – Scotland gets independence
  • 2nd Nov – Scotland rejoins the EU
  • 3rd Nov – Scotland writes to the wise one, Donald Trump, asking advice on how to build a wall and get England to pay for it.

You will, of course, understand that this timetable is not set in stone. There may be some movement on specific dates. Never mind though, Brexit sanctuary can always be sought at Muircot Farm Shop. Excellent tip off

View of Ochil hills from Muircot Farm Shop, Tillicoultry
View towards Tillycoultry and the Ochil hills

FK13 6LS       tel: 01259 750886        Muircot Coffee Shop

///rotate.cashiers.enhances

ps  Thanks must go to our newest correspondents from Devon.  They sent us this picture of a Falkirk made K6 … not in Devon, but in Gramasdal on the Isle of Benbecula.  They were out for a walk!Carron foundry K6 at Gramasdal, Benbecula

Ordinary, Scones

Matty Steele Café

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It was obviously a Scottish neck and an English axe because it took three blows to part her head from the rest of her body. Breakfast time, on this very day, 8th Feb in 1587, Mary Queen of Scots had her head chopped off. We know this because, as they say “we seen it in the movies“. Kind of appropriate that we watched it at the Hippodrome Cinema in Bo’ness. Just a couple of miles from Linlithgow Palace where Mary was born.

Internal view of the Hiipodrome cinema Image
Inside the Hippodrome (picture courtesy of the Hippodrome)

Chop chop

In spite of them taking quite a few liberties with the actualities we enjoyed the film. It’s just the movies after all. However her life was so eventful it’s a little surprising they had to make things up. In case you are going to see it they didn’t actually show the chopping bit. That would’ve been too much. Everyone on the edge of their seats. Will it come off this time? This time? This time??

Internal view of the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'nessThe problem, as always was religion. It’s odd to think what might have happened if things had turned out differently. What if her first husband Francois, who made her Queen of France, had not gone and died on her? In slightly different circumstances she might have kept her head? What if she had overcome English treachery and gained the British throne? Who knows? Instead of being snivelling members of the EU we might have been vibrant and enthusiastic participants. Okay, okay that’s taking things way too far! The take home message from the film was … back then, it was no fun being a Queen, or even just a queen. There was plenty of both in the film.

Cake selection at the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'nessWhen the film finished a scone was called for however we thought  we had been in every café in town. We had reviewed Brian’s Café, and 1884 as well as the Ivy Tearoom. However, just a short distance from the cinema we found yet another, Matty’s Café. Apparently Matthew Steele, who died in 1937, was the architect who designed the Hippodrome cinema as well as many other local buildings. Marvellous how things come together!

Jobsworth

When we arrived the staff, a girl who seemed to be on her own, was struggling to cope with an influx of customers. Like us, they were probably all from the cinema. To be honest, we are not even sure of the name of this place. It’s either Matty’s Cafe or the Bo’ness Bakery, take your pick. The clock at the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'nessWe chose the former but we think it’s run by the bakery that has a shop next door. Anyway we had to wait a while to be attended to so had time to look around. It’s one of these places which is kind of summed up by the clock above the coffee machine. No one has quite decided whose job it is to straighten it up. It’s probably been like that for years.

Eventually we were asked what we would like. For some reason I fancied a bacon roll. “All the rolls have gone, we only have burnt ones left”. I asked if that meant I couldn’t have a roll. “No, you can have one but it’ll be burnt“. Okay? A scone at the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'nessOur order, of course, included a scone and before you could say ‘chop, chop, chop’ it was in front of us, lightening fast. My roll was indeed burnt … as black an executioner’s mind. It was also delicious. The fruit scone came with generous tubs of jam and whipped cream and was really quite good. However, in spite of what turned out to be really good cheery service it didn’t quite make the topscone grade. If you are looking for a no-frills kind of place in Bo’ness you could do a lot worse than Matty’s Café.

Irony

Mary’s body was taken and buried at Peterborough Cathedral. However, in an ironic final twist to the tale her son, James VI and I, who became the first king of England, Scotland and Ireland had her exhumed. She now lies in Westminster Abbey next to her cousin, Elizabeth I, who ordered her execution  Can you hear the spinning?External view of the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'ness

Efficiency

Donald Tusk has said “I’ve been wondering what that special place in hell looks like, for those who promoted Brexit without even a sketch of a plan how to carry it out safely.” We’re with you Donald! As Theresa May goes to the EU yet again she must feel sooooo thankful that the guillotine has fallen into disuse. Mary Queen of Scots, on the other hand, may have wished for something as efficient.

EH51 9NF           tel: 01506 825336          Bo’ness Bakery FB

Ordinary, Scones

1884 Bo’ness

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Today we are at 1884 Bo’ness. Readers will be aware that from time to time, we go to the cinema. More often than not we go to the Hippodrome in Bo’ness, Scotland’s oldest picture palace. And, more often than not, we go in the morning, just because we can! Logo at 1884 Kitchen and Grill, BonessWe are not quite sure why, because on the face of it it is a perfectly normal thing to do, but it still seems vaguely sinful. It’s not so much going in, it’s coming out when it’s not even lunchtime!

Anyway, us sinners went to see Mike Leigh’s Peterloo today and we had no worries about coming out before lunch. At two and a half hours, it’s something of an epic. It’s all about democracy in 1819 and the British government’s attempts to drown it at birth. They did not want common folk getting ideas above their station like the dastardly French. Four years earlier us Brits had given Napoleon a jolly good thrashing at the Battle of Waterloo and, sadly, our ruling classes looked on the Peterloo Massacre of its own people in a similarly triumphant light. This was amply illustrated by the fact that it actually took place at Petersfield in Manchester but was adapted to Peterloo as a warning to other potential upstarts. Internal view of 1884 Kitchen and Grill, Boness

Democracy

Anyway the take home message of the film was that we’ve not come very far in the intervening centuries. The UK is still the least democratic of all European states and, of course, democracy has yet to be discovered in Scotland.

After almost three hours of fairly intense viewing however, sustenance was definitely required. Just a short distance from the cinema we came across 1884 Bo’ness, a new café /restaurant. It had only opened a few weeks previously. The rather ancient looking exterior belies its nice modern welcoming interior. It does everything you would expect of a ‘kitchen grille’ but, of course, scones were the main attraction for us. When we asked why it was called ‘1884’, we were told it was because it was carved in stone on the outside of the building. It’s construction date. Date carved in wall outside 1884 Kitchen and Grill, BonessAs good a reason as any and for brother and sister owners, David and Kirstie Stein it’s become rather habit forming. They also run very successful businesses, 1807 in Linlithgow and 1912 in Bathgate.

We decided on a fruit scone and opted for their offer of it being toasted. It was wonderfully warm when it arrived and came with plenty prepackaged jam, butter and whipped cream. It would have been nicer to have had a dish of jam, a pat of butter and some clotted cream but that wasn’t to be. Sadly, no topscone but we enjoyed everything about 1884 Bo’ness and would certainly return on our next cinema visit.

1884 and all that

While this building was being constructed in 1884 there were other things happening elsewhere.

  • Here in Scotland, in scenes that must have been reminiscent of Peterloo, Royal Marines and police arrived in naval vessels at the tiny village of Uig on the Isle of Skye to help a landowner evict crofters from his Kilmuir estate.
  • Otto von Bismarck declared South Africa a German colony.
  • In the US, Alaska became a US territory and on Coney Island the first roller coaster went into action with a thrilling top speed of 6mph.
  • Batchelor, Grover Cleveland became President of America in spite of admitting to fathering a child in his youth. It gave rise to the chant used against him “Ma, Ma, where‘s my Pa? Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha!”.
  • John Harvey Kellogg, patented “flaked cereal” (cornflakes) which he intended as a ‘healthy, ready-to-eat anti-masturbatory morning meal’!
  • In France the Statue of Liberty was presented to the US and Claude Monet painted “La Corniche near Monaco.”
  • In the UK, Greenwich was accepted as the universal time meridian of longitude though France refused to accept it for another thirty years.
  • The Gaelic Athletic Association was founded in Ireland
Cornflakes

From this list we can reasonably deduce that the world has always been slightly mad. Though perhaps not quite as mad as it is today. The EU has sent Theresa May packing. Her attempts to bring about an acceptable Brexit deal  seem almost as futile as Kellog’s ambitions for his breakfast cereal.

Wall decoration in the form of a cows skull at 1884 Kitchen and Grill, Boness
wall decoration at 1884

EH51 0EA     tel: 01506 829946        1884 Kitchen and Grill FB

Ordinary, Scones

Bessie’s Café

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This morning we went to the Hippodrome cinema in Bo’ness to see C’est la Vie starring Jean-Pierre Bacri. We do this regularly if we can get out of bed in time … life has sooo many pressures! A French film with subtitles, it’s a beautifully crafted and funny story of the backstage shenanigans at a posh chateau wedding. Worth seeing if you get the chance.  Afterwards, we ended up on the opposite side of the the river Forth, in Fife, at the picturesque little village of Culross (pronounced kooros) which, oddly enough, is the location for another movie currently under production.

Mrs Halfpint

It’s a zombie film called The Curse of the Buxom Strumpet starring Dame Judi Dench and Sir Ian McKellen. In the story Dame Judi plays Mrs Halfpint, the local landlady in the town of Upper Trollop, played of course, by none other than Culross itself.  A ssign for Bessie's Tearoom, CulrossIn 1713 a deadly disease consumes Upper Trollop turning the inhabitants into monsters. A few redoubtable folk, led by Mrs Halfpint try to escape by ship to France. The premiere won’t be until next year so if we divulge any more we would have to kill you all. Just go see when it comes out.

Suffice to say that Mrs Halfpint may well have been in the employ of the Bessie of Bessie’s Café, or Bessie’s Bar, as it used to be called. The café used to be her malt-house, used in making beer for her pub. And would you Adam ‘n Eve it (been going to London too much) Bessie’s surname was Paterson. You can see from the picture that she was a fine upstanding lass in the best tradition of Paterson women.

We have been here before on several occasions when it was run by the National Trust for Scotland and were never too impressed … normally when we are in the village we go to another café called The Biscuit. Internal view of Bessie's Tearoom, Culross

DIY Americano

Bessie’s is under new management however so we thought we should check it out. It had started raining so we were glad to be in out of the wet and delighted to be merrily greeted by the staff who soon had us supplied with a couple of fruit scones. A scone at Bessie's Tearoom, CulrossEarlier we had agreed to having them heated so they arrived wonderfully warm and with lots of jam and cream.

They also supplied my Americano as an expresso with a jug of hot water, a sort of DIY kit.  Not quite sure of the logic since I just had to pour all the water into the expresso myself. Heyho, different! Pat took one bite and announced a topscone right away. However, she subsequently discovered a small doughy bit in the middle which unfortunately ended up demoting her verdict. Mine was perfect, so think Pat must have got a rogue one … shame.  Bessie’s is joined onto the Palace and they do a good range of food so definitely worth a visit if you are in these parts.

External view of Culross Palace, Culross
Culross Palace

Troublesome people

Talk of rogues reminds us that it’s the Conservative Party Conference in Birmingham this week. Boris and Theresa are slugging it out for supremacy. “Fiddling while Rome burns” comes to mind. They should be thankful they are not holding their conference here in the Kingdom of Fife where, if you remember our review of the Clock Tower Café, they had their own ways of dealing with troublesome people.

Now, call us naive if you like but we always thought, not that we have thought about it that much, if you wanted to burn a witch your major expenditure would be a gallon of petrol. Not so. In 1636, just along the coast from here, William Coke and his wife were sentenced to death for witchcraft. Apparently, to help them burn more easily, the normal practice was to clothe them in hemp coats and place them in barrels that had been pre-tarred. For anyone who thinks that this process comes cheap, think again. The expenses were considerable and probably put everyday witch burning out of reach for most people.

  • 10 loads of coal – 3 pounds 6 shillings and 8 pennies,
  • tar barrel – 7 shillings,
  • hangman’s rope – 6 shillings,
  • hemp coats – 3 pounds and 10 shillings,
  • making the above – 8 shillings,
  • expenses for judge – 6 shillings,
  • executioner (for his pains) – 8 pounds and 14 shillings,
  • executioners expenses – 16 shillings and 4 pennies.

That’s almost £5,000 in today’s money however at that time, the Church and the Council split the costs … nice! Don’t think they would do that nowadays but we would still recommend that Theresa and Boris avoid Fife for the time being. Because there’s always Crowdfunder!External view of Bessie's Tearoom, Culross

KY12 8JQ         tel: 01383 247381            Bessie’s Café FB

Ordinary, Scones

Brian’s Café

Yesterday morning we were back at the Hippodrome in Bo’ness to see The Shape Of Water. An unexpectedly enjoyable film. It’s really a love fantasy but it also turns out to be surprisingly topical. The Americans had captured a unique South American water monster with peculiarly human characteristics. Honestly, it’s better than it sounds! Rather than let the US acquire any  advantage by studying the beast and unearthing its secrets the Russians, in the form of KGB agents, plotted to kill it with a lethal injection. Have you heard of any similar stories recently?

It is amusing to see the media in a frenzy wondering where the nerve agents directed against Sergei Skripal and his daughter could have come from. Without ever mentioning the world’s biggest stockpile of such chemical weapons at Porton Down. Only eight miles from Salisbury where Skripal was found. Interior view of Brian's Café in BonessAll fingers seem to be pointing at Vladimir Putin however and probably with good reason.

Have you noticed a rather worrying trend among world leaders recently? Putin, who unexpectedly came to power because Boris Yeltsin hadn’t enough blood in his vodka system, now finds himself drunk on power itself. He has manufactured a situation where he can remain in power indefinitely. Likewise with President Xi of China. Power is a great corrupter and both men now seem to think that they are omnipotent. Meanwhile, back in the USA, President Trump  knows he is omnipotent but, unlike Putin and Xi, hasn’t yet worked out a scam to keep the job for a life. Watch this space. Theresa May on the other hand will be forced to keep her job for life whether she likes it or not simply because it’s such a mess no one else wants it. Interior view of Brian's Café in Boness

Serafini family

Enough of all that. Just across the road from the Hippodrome is the imaginatively named Brian’s Cafe which, would you believe it, is owned by a chap called Brian, surname Curry. Its outward appearance is somewhat uninspiring and we did not have high hopes as we entered. A scone at Brian's Café in BonessThe interior is pleasant enough though and the staff were very friendly and helpful.

We were soon settled down with some tea and sharing a fruit scone. Okay, we sometimes indulge in reckless extravagance! There was no cream and the butter and jam were prepackaged but the scone itself was very good, not quite a topscone but pretty close.  The café has lots of what appeared to be family photographs hanging on the walls. When we asked about them we ended up being introduced to Brian himself. He had been sitting at another table with some friends. He’s a lovely guy who proceeded to take us round and explain his family history. Turns out that he is part of the Serafini family who not only had a cafe in Bo’ness but operated the York Café in Falkirk, a place we know very well.

Serafini family group from Brian's Café in Bo'ness
Serafini family from Barga. Brian’s aunt, Annie Curry, married Nathaniel (2nd from left, back row)

 

 

 

 

Scots locked up

What amazed us was that Brian’s aunt, a Bo’nessian born and bred, had married a Serafini and as a result was interned during WWII. It had never before occurred to us that Scots were also interned simply because of their association with Italians … unbelievable!

The Serafini's original café and their fish and chip van
The Serafini’s original café in Bo’ness  … and their fish and chip van c1950s

It was great listening to the many delightful childhood stories Brian had to tell. A far cry from today’s world of all-powerful autocrats and dastardly subterfuge.

EH51 0AA       tel: 01506 823815       Brian’s Café TA

p.s. News of an even bigger controversy came to us the other day courtesy of our correspondent, the Stenibrainfart. He reported that the National Trust in England had organised a cream tea at one of their venues in Cornwall and to publicise it they used a picture of a scone with a dollop of jam on top of the cream … arrgghh! National Trust picture of a cream tea scone

Now all self respecting sconeys worth their salt know that that is how they do it in Devon … and it’s just plain wrong! It is definitely not how they do it in Cornwall. Cornish folks have reportedly been resigning their NT membership in droves. A #JamFirst badgeThey felt so strongly they even produced #JamFirst badges to support the cause. Well done Cornwall, you tell ’em!

Ordinary, Scones

The Ivy Tearoom and Three Billboards

One of the marvelous things about being of a certain vintage is that you can visit the cinema in the middle of the week, see a film and still be out in time for lunch. You also get a cup of tea and a biscuit on the way in. What’s not to like? So it was that we ended up in the Hippodrome in Bo’ness to see Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. The town’s name, Bo’ness, is an abbreviated version of Barrowstounness meaning Burgh Town on the Point referring to the promontory on which it’s located. Once one of Scotland’s main ports, second only to Leith, nowadays, in common with many such towns, it has that rather sad post-industrial look about it.

External view of the Hippodrome Cinema in Bo'ness
Opened in 1911,the Hippodrome is Scotland’s oldest purpose built cinema    and its dome

BAFTAs

Our film, Three Billboards, was much feted at the BAFTAs and we certainly enjoyed it. We won’t explain why (we review scones not films) but suffice to say that when we came along the street to The Ivy Tearoom we overheard people at the next table talking about the film. One of them said ” oooo .. she was like a dog with a bone!” and that pretty well sums it up … but go see for yourselves! The Ivy Tearoom is one of these places that cannot quite make up its mind what it wants to be. Internal view of the Ivy Tea Room in Bo'ness

Nostalgia

Mostly it’s a tearoom, of course. However, there is also an area dedicated to selling books and knick-knacks. And another selling antiques, or what might more accurately be described as bric-a-brac. We think it should stick to being a tearoom and try and get rid of the slightly cluttered appearance of the place. However, a very smiley lady took our order and soon had us sorted with some lunch as well as a scone to share. Among some of the aforesaid clutter there were a few illustrations reminiscent of a more gracious world when things were not so frenetic.Pictures at the Ivy Tea Room in Bo'ness
Okay, we hear you cry “they’ve been sitting in a cinema all morning with tea and biscuits. What are they going on about … frenetic??” You’re right, of course, we are fortunate indeed. Nevertheless these images seemed almost ‘other worldly’ when set against a modern backdrop of school shootings, misogyny, paedophilia and generally failing services. All right, that rather misty eyed world probably never actually existed. But we still think you would have to use mightily rose tinted glasses to illustrate today’s world in a similar vein.

Silent movies

Will this time be looked back on as the golden age of anything? A scone at the Ivy Tea Room in Bo'nessUnfortunately, unlike Three Billboards, our fruit scone was very forgettable … not much fruit, no cream and the scone itself was just soft with no real texture at all! We won’t be rushing back to the Ivy Tearoom. Or, while we are in nostalgic mood lets call it the Hippodrome picture palace. That may not be too far away, they have an interesting list of upcoming films. They also have an annual silent movie week in March called Hippfest. But we’re not old enough to remember any of that sort of stuff. No we’re not!

EH51 9HA       tel: 01506 823389      The Ivy Tea Room FB