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Scones, Top

Forest Hills Revisited

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The last time we were at Forest Hills was back in August 2016. Britain was still reeling from the result of the Brexit referendum, David Cameron had vanished into thin air and the Tories were desperately trying to save their party. Not a lot has changed. Back then, however, we had the media and the politician’s favourite distraction … the Olympics. The masses enter a kind of stupefied state where nothing else really matters. While we were at Forest Hills, Team GB had famously beaten Team Vanuatu in the hop,skip and jump event. As we leave the EU this Friday we need another momentous moment like that to distract us from impending disaster. It’s not really a disaster, life will go on, it’s just that we rather like being European. Infinitely preferable to being British with our arcane systems of government.

Ah well, even if we could arrange an Olympics or even a Commonwealth Games before Friday we would have to let everyone beat us … at everything! Otherwise they might not trade with us! And, after we leave Europe, we might be dependent on Vanuatu for goodness sake!

Correspondents

Anyway, you are all very familiar with our international network of correspondents by now. They expand our sconological research to parts that we simply cannot reach.  Sometimes the odd telephone box creeps in as well. Our Trossachs correspondents, of course, are amongst the most adventurous. They could pop up in Gibraltar or Lithuania or Basseterre or Argentina or even 38,000 feet up in the air … there is simply no telling. Today, however, they are back in their natural habitat. They have invited us to help celebrate their wedding anniversary in Kinlochard. We were staying in the hotel but the celebrations were being held in the village hall. While we were waiting for the festivities to begin we thought we should check that scone standards had not slipped since our previous review. Internal view of the Forest Hills Hotel, Kinlochard

Scones at the Forest Hills Hotel, KinlochardWe were relatively early so had the whole lounge to ourselves. Sitting in front of a wonderful log fire our beautifully warmed scones were presented with lots of jam and a generous pot of whipped cream complete with strawberry. What’s not to like? The tea and coffee were all excellent and the scones were just the right size with that lovely crunchy outer and fabulous soft inner. Delighted to report that Forest Hills has indeed retained its topscone award … well done! Of course, we would expect no less from a ‘MacDonald’ Hotel.

Gluten free?

Later, along with about fifty other revellers we had a fabulous evening of eating and drinking with music supplied by the excellent Chapter Four folk band. When it came to the ceilidh, suffice to say that many willows were stripped with all the usual sophisticated aplomb accorded to that particular dance. Scones at the Kinlochard Village HallBack at the hotel, we retired to bed, happy but exhausted. Next day, however, saw us at the village hall again. This time it was to partake of scones …. gluten free scones, another first for us. Oh, dear, two scones in as many days! They had been made specially by a local lady who has a gluten free diet. Delicious but, of course, we couldn’t make an award … there’s no way for readers to access them.

Great way to round off the weekend’s celebrations though and for everyone to say their farewells. Congratulations and huge thanks to our super generous hosts. When they come down off cloud nine we hope they remember to get back to their sconey day jobs.

Farewell to Europe

‘Farewell to Europe’ (should be a lament for the bagpipes) is probably not going to happen on Friday. At least we don’t think it will actually happen on that day … who knows, nobody knows, it might, it might not? It’s like the UK has decided to commit suicide but can’t make up its mind how to do it! It wouldn’t be so bad if it just hurt us but it could also wreck the Irish economy and potentially start ‘the troubles’ all over again. That’s bad! Hopefully, what with all the delays, they will eventually realise that suicide isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

FK8 3TL    tel: 0344 879 9057      MacDonald Forest Hills Hotel & Spa

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ps: We are always keen to promote new correspondents and were delighted to receive this report from our rookie ‘wildlife correspondents’. They venture into all sorts of out of the way places in pursuit of flora and fauna. Hence they found themselves in the Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh having afternoon tea when their fledgling sconological urges kicked in and drove them to file their first report. Scones at the Balmoral Hotel, Edinburgh

Although they did not feel sufficiently qualified to formally award a topscone they, nevertheless, could not imagine a scone being any ‘topper’. A very promising start, our rookies showing definite potential. Many thanks L&R. We will, of course, endeavour to deliver an official verdict. That is once we have saved up enough to enter the Balmoral’s hallowed halls.

K 6 telephone box in Oxfordpps: The Pedant has just filed a report on this somewhat delapidated  Lion Foundry K6 in Oxford. It goes under the What3 Words code of ///loved.lonely.vivid which rather belies its appearance and its location in the centre of the city. He didn’t say if it was operational but it looks like it may have been used to relay instructions to the Oxford team in the boat race last Sunday.

Scones, Top

Forest Hills Hotel

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Dead end scones

This is a real dead-end kind of place. But only because it is at the end of a dead-end road! To be precise it is not quite at the end of the road because you can go on a few miles to Stronachlachar and Inversnaid but you have no choice but to come back the same way. Having said that, Rob Roy, whose country this is, probably had a hundred ways in and out of Kinlochard. He wasn’t driving a car though. Staying in the village for a few days, courtesy of our intrepid and generous Trossachs correspondents, afforded us a chance to explore the local scone scene. Previously we have reported on one of our favourite places, the Wee Blether in the centre of the village. But there are scones everywhere in the Trossachs. Forest Hills 05

Forest Hills Hotel

The Forest Hills Hotel was just along the road and seemed like a good place to start. It holds a particularly fond memory for me from almost forty years ago. I was the official photographer at a family wedding. At one point I remember assembling the bride and groom and both sets of parents in front of a fireplace for a group shot. Forest Hills 01The hotel has undergone massive changes since then and I wondered if the fireplace had survived almost four decades of modernisation and change. It had, and still stands proud, pretty much as I remembered it. In fact the main part of the hotel was remarkably unchanged.

How many scones do you need?

Forty years ago we were sipping champagne which had been transported in suitcases all the way from France, but this time, of course, we were on scone safari. Pat just wanted a cup of tea so it was up to me to order a scone for myself. Turned out they came in twos (one plain, one fruit) but something was obviously lost in translation because when they arrived there was two for Pat as well! Heyho, she scoffed them anyway, no problem! Forest Hills 08Three different jams as well as a generous bowl of cream and the scones themselves were just the way we like them … warm, not too big, slightly crunchy on the outside and beautifully soft and light inside… mmmmm, topscone!

Nowadays the hotel has all the necessary accoutrements to make it into a ‘spa’ resort. It is slightly ironic, however, to see lots of people pounding treadmills in a hot sweaty gym when they are surrounded by beautiful countryside and hills where they could be getting much better exercise whilst breathing pure clear Trossachs air. What is that all about?

View from the hotel towards Loch Ard with endless exercise opportunities
View from the hotel towards Loch Ard with endless exercise opportunities

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Is the UK a sporting powerhouse

Perhaps, more to the point at this particular time, what are the Olympics all about? Once a noble amateur sporting spectacle, in recent years it has succumbed to the powers of capitalism. Its lost it’s moral compass. Too much flag waving by multi-millionaires and pontificating by knights of the realm! The world would be a much better place if there was no professionalism in sport. Can’t think of a single good thing to come from it. If Team GB does well there will be calls for vast amounts of money to be invested to maintain our place in the world as a great sporting powerhouse. If it does badly there will be calls for vast amounts of money to be invested to transform us into a great sporting powerhouse. As if it matters? Never mind Russia’s drug taking, financial and medical advantages over others are just another form of cheating!

The fact that we might beat Team Vanuatu in the hop, skip and jump is supremely irrelevant to almost everything that really matters. It’s all a grotesque nonsense and a waste of money.

not a cossetted Olympic event ... a proper swimming event at the loch
not a cossetted Olympic event … a proper swimming event at the loch

On top of all that we are expected to listen to endless banal drivel from multi-millionaire commentators and pundits. Olympic tennis turns out to be a rerun of Wimbledon? Olympic golf … we despair! The sooner they have ordinary dads building an IKEA Billy bookcase as an Olympic event the better. Rant over, must get back to the scones, they’re very good … gold medal even.

FK8 3TL         tel: 0344 879 9057          Forest Hills Hotel