It’s touching when people write and ask if we are still alive just because they haven’t received a scone post for a while. Apologies, we are okay but we have been a little distracted by other things recently. To kick things off again we thought that we should visit a special place, Glenturret Lalique distillery just outside Crieff. When I was young my big brother and I used to get sent here every year for our holidays. Not to the distillery itself but to Distillery Cottage which was just a few yards along the road and the home off aunt Muriel. No idea why we were sent to stay with Muriel but maybe our parents just wanted rid of us for a few weeks … that’s a distinct possibility!

The swing

The little glen in which the distillery sits is idyllic and we had the freedom to explore far and wide … we regarded it, horizon to horizon, as our own. The sun always shone and our aunt used to make banana flip for pudding … bliss!  At that time the distillery was closed and was falling into disrepair. We used to play in it’s many abandoned buildings. There was a swing in one  and when James Fairlie bought the place in 1957, with a view to reopening it as a distillery, he asked us if he could take it down. Just think … if we had said “no”, none of this would have happened!

Anyway, the distillery has had many incarnations since then. The last one was the Famous Grouse Experience but now it has been taken over by Lalique the upmarket French glass manufacturers. Today I was here once again with my big brother who had invited myself and Pat for lunch.

Things have changed! Our old swing has been replaced by a huge Lalique chandelier for one. Tempting though it was we did not try it out as a swing … we’re grown up now! Everything about the place screams ‘quality’ … they had even imported French waiting staff. Pat and I were very happy not to be paying the bill. Lunch consisted of haggis Scotch eggs, sea trout, Wagyu steaks, scallops and elaborate chocolate desserts … absolutely wonderful! 

Duty calls.

Remembering our scone duties, however, we asked if we could have tea and scones in the salon. I had heard they did a Glenturret sherry-soaked fruit scone … but it wasn’t to be, only ordinary fruit ones. A return visit for afternoon tea is now essential!

As might be expected the scones came beautifully presented with delightful little dishes of cream and homemade jam. My tea came in a lovely cup produced in Germany to Lalique’s design. It had a matt white finish but no handle. Oddly, it did not feel hot to pick up – dashed cunning those continental types.

Design over substance

Now you would expect the scones to be top notch in a place like this, wouldn’t you? But they weren’t. Good, yes but not topscone material, plenty of fruit but just a wee bit on the solid side for our liking. Not to worry when we come back for our Glenturret sherry soaked scone we might get a better result … especially if we have a few of them!

World records

Glenturret Lalique distillery is not only famous for once housing our swing it was also home to Towser the Mouser. Towser holds the Guinness World record for killing mice, 28,899 to be precise. How did they work that out and are they absolutely sure it wasn’t 28,900? She lived all of her 24 years in the distillery and has a thoroughly well deserved bronze statue testifying to her considerable achievements. We could have played with Towser if she had been around in our time but she would have probably been too busy!

This visit was a special treat from my big brother and it was very special. Hope the wallet didn’t protest too much. Pat even bought me a bottle of Glenturret sherry cask whisky. She could have got it in a Lalique bottle but she’s too Scottish for that sort of nonsense. Should I try soaking a scone in it?

Borders

At last the US and UK are leaving Afghanistan … should never have been there in the first place. Inexcusable for Britain which has a centuries old disastrous history in the region. On the way home from Crieff we noticed swallows lined up on the telephone wires getting ready to fly back to South Africa after the summer. They will be replaced by thousands of geese coming here from Siberia and Greenland. With the current woeful situation in Afghanistan it occurred to us that borders have a lot to answer for.

PH7 4HA        tel: 01764 656565        Glenturret Lalique

///epic.impose.extremely