Tag Archives: Falkirk

Ordinary, Scones

Bob & Bert’s

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A happy and healthy New Year to you all. We hope you will come with us on our continuing sconological research expeditions in 2019.

Looking back at 2018

What were the highlights of 2018 for us? Well, we collected data on over sixty scones and twenty one of them received topscone awards. We think that’s a pretty good batting average. Some were posh like One Devonshire Gardens in Glasgow, the Connaught in London and Knockinaam Lodge in Galloway. Others were not as posh but great nevertheless e.g the Drift Cafe in Northumberland and Fenwicks in Linlithgow.

We still had great experiences with those that did not receive our highest accolade. The Sundial Cafe in Limekilns, the Scotsman Grand Cafe in Edinburgh and the Pop-up Café in Pittenweem were all wonderful in their own way. Stand out amongst them however, just for location if nothing else, must be the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera and the Forth Belle. In fact our 2018 scones all had something to offer even if they were not great in themselves. We certainly enjoyed the whole blogging year.

Fifteen 2018 posts contained telephone box news but our favourite has to be the K3 near Jamesfield Farm. … it was a privilege!Illuminated sign for Bob & Bert's, Falkirk

2018 politics

Ooooo! The big news for us was that a member of the Royal family had closed their own car door. Okay, okay it was a brash American recent addition to the family who didn’t know any better. We felt it was significant. Is it for the better? Will she be able to teach other members of the family? Well in spite of the potential for legions of royal door closers being thrown on the scrap heap, we think it’s a sign of real progress. One of very few in 2018.

Brexit, of course, has to be a highlight or a lowlight depending on your point of view. It’s confusing, so to make sense of it all we turned to religion. Eh? Let us explain. If we accept for a moment that, a couple of thousand years ago, God created the Earth in a week. And we also accept (or hope) that He is still working through the snagging list. Always felt He should have taken two weeks. Then we can probably assume that He saw the two World Wars, with 80 million fatalities, as snags with capital ‘S’s. The evolution of the EU however, even with all its faults, must have made Him look down in astonishment, maybe even with a wry smile. All these countries coming together in a spirit of harmony and cooperation … amazing! Then just as He was thinking “Gee, I didn’t do such a bad job after all”, along comes Thatcher spreading seeds of doubt and then Cameron to finish the job. If He has hair He can’t have much left now. At the end of the day, however if He thinks the EU is a great idea that’s good enough for lowly us to think we should Remain!

Enough of 2018, what about 2019?

Internal view of Bob & Berts, FalkirkFor our first scone of 2019 we didn’t stray very far. Only as far as our own High Street in fact. The object of our attentions was a flashy upstart newcomer, Bob & Berts. It adds to the plethora of cafés already on the High Street. Turns out it’s a new chain set up in Northern Ireland (Norn Iron as the locals say) by one Colin McClean, a former geography teacher from Portstewart. They have eighteen cafés over there and have just opened three in Scotland. Considering the competition from the big boys likes of Starbucks, Costa and McDonalds this is a bold venture indeed. Is it too bold though? If our experience is anything to go by, we think they will go from strength to strength. It is definitely ‘different’, with a kind of American hipster vibe. The louder than usual piped musac seemed to be a mixture of Mumford & Sons and the Scissor Sisters. Getting the vibe?Nashville Fruit Co jam at Bob & Bert's, Falkirk

Raspberry Ripple

Our experience was mixed however. We asked for the last raspberry ripple scone they had. It had a kind of pink macaroon thingy on top. Why not start the year with a dangerous scone after all? Everything was fine. However, by the time we had got our tea and coffee, we were informed that our scone had been sold to a another customer. It was still sitting there staring us in the face! Their system however meant that someone ahead of us in the queue had already bought it. A scone at Bob & Berts, FalkirkBut it’s still there!? Takes a bit of figuring out. They would actually allow us to purchase an apple and cinnamon scone, a cherry scone, a plain scone or a fruit scone. The eventual decision was a fruit scone but the raspberry ripple one was still there … arrgghh! Probably a lucky escape. Anyway, having survived all this trauma we took a seat in a couple of large comfy wing-backed leather chairs and set about sharing our fruit scone. We enjoyed it, however, the butter was from Ireland and the jam was from Nashville, Oregon? Don’t mind the butter, it’s an Irish company after all … but the jam?? That’s a big carbon footprint for jam! No topscone. We consoled ourselves however in the knowledge that, had they actually sold us the raspberry ripple scone, it would have fallen into the weird scone category and not won an award either. This new addition to our High Street  is just that little bit different. We also have a huge soft spot for N. Ireland where we lived for seven years, so we wish Bob & Bert’s all the very best for the future.Sign for Bob & Bert's, Falkirk

News

Not much news at this time. The mighty Apple seems to be struggling a bit because of Trump’s trade war with China. Trump isn’t worried, he thinks that 2019 is entirely down to him … the highest numbered year ever … higher than Obama’s!

FK1 1DU           no phone     Bob and Bert’s Coffee

ps: Having raised your curiosity we are now feeling guilty. We may return to the raspberry ripple scone another day. Watch this space.

Ordinary, Scones

The Fork & Mustard

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Confusion

Joyous news, this may be the last scone you have to endure this year. Of course, it’s also an opportunity for us to wish everyone a Merry Christmas but first perhaps we can enlist your help. We are confused! “No surprise there”, we hear you say.

You probably think it’s Brexit, but it’s not! Brexit’s not confusing, its just stupid. No, it’s because we are bombarded with adverts on TV asking us to send £3 to save a child or a donkey somewhere. Plus the news that 600 homeless people have died in mega rich England this year. Okay, you agree, that’s pretty awful, but what’s confusing about it?

Well, while we may feel guilty about all that, we simultaneously pay, ‘The Chosen One’,  the imbecilic Jose Mourinho £18m per season to manage Manchester United badly. Then we fork out an additional £15m just to see him off the premises. Little wonder he has spent the last two and a half years living in a five star hotel. You might say that we don’t actually pay him but of course, in reality, we do, albeit indirectly. Why do we, as a society, do that? That’s what’s confusing!

Are we completely blind to donkeys and homeless people when we would rather pay a complete idiot ludicrous amounts of money for doing something which is of no importance whatsoever? If £3 saves a donkey, get it to do the job! We’re certain Man U would do just as well … or badly. However, we don’t want to worry you just before Christmas so we have come up with an answer of our own.

Andy Murray and Tiger Woods
A tea cosy at the Fork & Mustard Café, Falkirk
Fork & Mustard tea cosyt

The world’s New Year resolution for 2019 should be to completely eradicate all professional sport … simple! It only brings out the worst in folk and we think the world would be a much happier place without any of it. Precisely nothing would be lost. Except maybe the Andy Murrays and Tiger Woods with their entourages of physiotherapists, doctors, dietitians and psychiatrists. But that’s not really sport, it’s cheating! Tennis, golf and the like would still be played, still be televised and be even more exciting. Anyway, you will no doubt be delighted to hear that that’s our pre-Christmas rant over. Interior view of the Fork & Mustard Café, Falkirk

Tasmanian waiters at the Fork & Mustard

While we were pondering which ridiculous high paid job Jose would end up in next we arrived here, at the Fork & Mustard. In keeping with the ever changing face of Falkirk, up until a year ago this place was called Shy Violet. The lady who welcomed us had one of those super bubbly personalities you immediately warm to. When we asked how she came by the name ‘Fork & Mustard’ we got a fairly lengthy tale about an Italian waiter in Tasmania who kept misunderstanding what was being said to him. He thought he was being asked for a ‘fork and mustard’ whereas they were actually saying unkind things involving sweary words that we couldn’t possibly repeat here. Suffice to say this Fork & Mustard is unique. The only one in the world.

Sweetness

They have the modern necessity, a vegan and gluten free menu. Novel teapot at the Fork & Mustard Café, FalkirkWe actually have some sympathy with the guy who killed the cow because it was eating the vegan’s food. Most things are made on the premises. Some from hand me down family recipes “just like granny used to make.” How would granny’s scones be? A scone at the Fork & Mustard Café, FalkirkWhen Pat’s tea came it was in a rather novel glass teapot that automatically drained and filtered the tea leaves when it was placed on top of the cup. And we thought we had seen everything! Our scone was very good, packed with fruit but we felt that granny had put in a little bit too much sugar for our taste. No topscone but we enjoyed this place very much. It had a great atmosphere, created entirely by the super helpful staff. We will be back.

Open goals

Another thing we are confused about. How does the Labour party manage to make such a mess of opposition? The Tories have given them sooo many open goals. Okay, no one has any idea what they stand for. And, of course, they have shot themselves in the foot so often they should be referred to a self-harming clinic. But apart from that? It’s very confusing! In Tasmania they would probably refer to Corbyn as a useless ‘fork & mustard’.

Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year to all our readers.

FK1 1HX         tel: 01324 637 374      The Fork and Mustard

Ordinary, Scones

Café Trio

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View of Falkirk Steeple
Falkirk Steeple on the High Street

You know how we were moaning in our previous post  about the demise of Falkirk’s high street, well this evolution, that many other towns are also experiencing, is pretty relentless. The consequences can sometimes be unexpected. Spaces left by failed shops usually get filled by enterprises that can’t be accessed online i.e. hairdressers and cafés. Falkirk is now awash with both. That in itself leads to another problem … there are so many, survival for all of them is nigh on impossible.

Record shops

Café Trio is perhaps a good example of this evolution in action because when we reviewed it about a year ago it was as a previous incarnation, Sorocha’s. Before that it was Mathiesons the Bakers which, with several shops, used to have a major presence in the town. And before that it was a record shop, Sleeves. Merely talking about record shops is an indication of how long ago that was, yet it was only 2003 that it closed. Sleeves was driven out by the big hitters, Virgin Records and HMV, that opened large flashy town centre stores. However, they in turn were driven out by the advent of things like iTunes and Spotify. Where will it all end? For sure, the plethora of cafés and hairdressers can mean only one thing … only the best will survive. Internal view of Café Trio, Falkirk

Treacle?

A year ago we were critical of Sorocha’s for its lack of atmosphere but ended up awarding it a topscone for some of the lightest scones we had ever come across. Unfortunately Café Trio hasn’t altered the atmosphere problem. It’s still as bland and uninspiring as ever, but would their scones need ‘pegging down’? Scones at Café Trio, FalkirkPat got a fruit scone and, since it had been some time since I’d had a treacle scone, I opted for that.

What sort of jam do you have with treacle scones? Or do you have jam at all? We know these sorts of dilemmas keep our readers awake at night. There was no cream however the oriental gentleman who was looking after us very attentively kindly offered a selection of jams. Strawberry just didn’t seem right and neither did raspberry so the winner was apricot. For our American readers that’s ‘apricot’ as in ‘apple’, not ‘apricot’ as in ‘able’!

To approach the problem scientifically, I had half with jam and half without. Analysis of the results showed treacle scones to be best with butter alone. However, if you must have jam then apricot isn’t a bad choice. Now you can rest easy! Pat’s fruit scone was quite good but mine was undercooked in the middle so a bit on the heavy side. Definitely no pegging down required! No topscone this time round unfortunately.

Pictures at Café Trio, Falkirk
wall art at Caf

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Counting in your head

The café appeared to be run by a Chinese family and when we went to pay our bill their delightful young daughter (seven or eight years old), who was operating the till, actually worked out our change in her head and got it exactly right … clever girl! It’s a long time since we’ve seen that! We wish Café Trio the very best of luck in this highly competitive market place but we fear we may be reviewing it yet again next year under a different name. Let’s hope not.

Scones after Brexit

By that time Brexit will have happened and we will no longer be in the EU. Great, it will just be like old times! We will be able to go to war with anyone who doesn’t realise we are superior without all these pesky EU rules and regulations getting in the way. Take note France! Thankfully, we do not depend on the EU for scones. Oh, but what about the fruit … and the coffee? Maybe it will be plain scones only after Brexit, washed down with a small bowl of light gruel. Can’t wait!Logo at Café Trio, Falkirk

Scone songs

When we reviewed Sarocha’s we flagged up a scone song on behalf of one of our US readers and asked if anyone could come up with a superior offering. Unbelievably no one has, so let us throw down the gauntlet once again. For inspiration you can listen to it again by clicking here. Excited already!!

FK1 1PL            tel: 01324 227470             Café Trio FB

A scone at Passiontree Velvet Café, Toowoomba, Australiaps: Our antipodean correspondents have been in touch with news of a scone down under. Having just returned to Aus from holiday in the UK they were able to inform us that the UK had better scones but Australia had better coffee! Is that just a hint of Aus/Brit rivalry creeping in there? They had their scone in Passiontree Velvet, Toowoomba which sounds good enough to eat in itself.

Having looked at Passiontree’s website, however, they obviously don’t know the difference between ‘high tea’ and ‘afternoon tea’, so in the face of such uncivilised ignorance, any potential claims to scone superiority would have been disregarded anyway. Not that we would ever get competitive about such things! Many thanks to J&P for their report, keep them coming!

Ordinary, Scones

The Greengrocer Café

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 The logo of the Greengrocer café, StirlingBack in the day when Scotland was a proud, honest and self-respecting country rather than the rather sad colony it has become, the town of Stirling epitomised the struggle between Scotland and its southern neighbour. Its very name means ‘place of strife’. From 1296 onwards the town was frequently occupied by English forces only for them to be driven out by the Scots some time later. It has gone back and forth like a fiddler’s elbow ever since. It could be argued, it is currently under English occupation. Scotland, even with its own government in Edinburgh, has scant say over its own affairs.

Never mind all that though, we are here to do some important stuff … shopping. The short rainy trip to Stirling had become necessary because of the mere fact that there are relatively few large stores left in Falkirk. It has been badly hit by the online revolution. The same shops, however, still seem to thrive here in wealthier Stirling. There’s always been a ‘friendly’ rivalry between Falkirk and Stirling, a bit like that between Glasgow and Edinburgh. Traditionally, Falkirk with its much bigger population and heavy industries made the money: a bit like Glasgow, while Stirling, retained much more strategic and political clout:a bit like Edinburgh.

Rumbling tums

Anyway, after a wonderful few hours of retail therapy in the Thistles Shopping Centre we began to feel a little peckish. This shopping centre is the only one in the world to feature its own 16th century  jail, the Thieves Pot. All very well if you fancy a spot of incarceration but does zilch for a rumbling tum. In fact the entire Thistles Centre seemed to do little in the way of restaurants or cafés. Just wall to wall retail outlets. A short walk along Port Street, however, led us here to the Greengrocer Café. A delightful mix ofA scone at the Greengrocer café, Stirling café, delicatessen and greengrocery. It’s tucked away down a little lane. A nice feature is the large communal table in the main shop. However we decided on a smaller one in the main café area at the back.

The staff welcomed us warmly and we immediately took a liking to the place. Nice atmosphere, a wide range of food on offer and homemade cakes to die for. Pat was lusting after a ginormous strawberry pavlova in such a way that I had to remind her, in no uncertain terms, of her sconological duties. We ordered a light lunch followed by a shareable fruit scone. Everything was excellent and our scone was no exception. The only downside was the cream.

Alstroemeria table decoration at the Greengrocer café
Alstroemeria table decoration

They had said it was whipping cream however it seemed more like the scooshie stuff to us. It was okay but, unfortunately went a bit watery, shame! But for that relatively minor issue this could easily have been a topscone.

HAL

When we finished our scone it was back out into the wet for our journey home only to be told, on the car radio, of the demise of Douglas Rain .  Brexit and Californian forest fires were suddenly of little importance. Now, some of you may not be aware of the significance of Rain’s passing but his was the voice of HAL, the computer in Stanley Kubrick‘s, 2001: A Space Odyssey.  HAL had a mind of its own and back in 1972, we gave our first ever car, a Citroen Dyane, which also had a mind of its own, the same name. Tears were shed when HAL eventually went to the great garage in the sky. Now his voice has gone too. As Trump would say … sad!HAL, our Citroen Dyane in 1973FK8 2ER      tel: 01786 479159        The Greengrocer Café FB

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

M&S Foodhall Café

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There is something vaguely sinful about going to the cinema at 10.30 in the morning. Doubly so on a lovely sunny day like this. It just seems wrong. Worth it though because we saw A Star Is Born starring Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. When our 14 year old great-niece was over here on holiday we used to call her the ‘small weird Canadian’.  Her two greatest heros, at that time, were Mary Queen of Scots and Lady Gaga! We always understood the Mary bit but now we understand the Gaga bit as well. Gaga was absolutely superb in a role that almost seemed tailor-made for her. Maybe it was. The ending is sad but as everyone filed out in silence recovery was fairly rapid as we suddenly remembered it was still only lunchtime and we were a bit peckish. Internal view of M&S Foodhall Café, Falkirk

Not just any scones

Rather than go to the rather sterile café area in the multiplex cinema we went outside and ended up here in the M&S Foodhall Café. We needed to get some stuff anyway. We’ve reviewed M&S before, when they had their large clothing store on Falkirk high street, but that has gone now. This place is now the only presence they have in town.

It is ironic that a business built on clothing sales is now largely dependent on foodhalls like this. Just when we get wall to wall cookery programs on TV, the M&S range of ready-meals (just nuke it and stick on the plate) has become ultra successful. They are good mind you. Anyway while we were getting some sandwiches we noticed the scones … “not just any scones … M&S scones” as  the sultry-voiced woman on the M&S adverts would say.

Branding

 It is all self service and we are not quite sure where the problem lay but the staff were struggling a bit … slightly chaotic behind the counter and lots of uncleared tables. A scone at M&S Foodhall Café, FalkirkThere was no cream with our scones and initially there was no jam either but it turned up eventually. It was branded as ‘British’ like almost everything in M&S these days. Even the haggis and the whisky are emblazoned with the union jacks! It’s as if there is a panic in central government that Scottish independence is looming large yet again and nothing can be labeled ‘Scottish’ in case it further emboldens the natives. Frightened of losing their cash cow, it does of course have the opposite effect.

Doh!

Anyway our scones were fine but the whole experience was certainly not a topscone one. Irony abounds these days e.g. the UK says it hopes to do a trade deal with Singapore once it leaves the EU in a few months. This, as the EU signs a trade deal with Singapore this week … doh! After we leave the EU, how long will it be before someone notices that the biggest market in the world is right on our doorstep and we are not part of it … doh again!

FK1 1LW       tel: 01324 406101         M&S Foodhall

Scones, Top

Mason Belles Kitchen

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At the end of an alleyway in Linlithgow there is this little plaque, about 15cms in diameter. Linlithgow wall plaque bearing inscription to St MichaelIt’s a depiction of Linlithgow’s town motto – ‘St Michael is Kind to Strangers’. A bit odd, you might think, as a town motto. However, St Michael, in his main role as chief opponent of Satan, seems to have been a general all round good guy. Probably still best known as the patron saint of Marks & Spencers, he was also written about in both the Old and New Testaments, the Hebrew bible and the Quran.  And, apparently he still looks after the inhabitants of this town and its strangers to this very day. So that’ll be us then!

Love affair

Would he be kind enough to help us find a decent scone? The alleyway was leading us in a definite direction so perhaps his hand was upon us? Actually, after our recent afternoon tea at One Devonshire, we could have had another here at Mason Belles were it not for the fact that we just walked in off the street without any advanced notice. Not that we could have given them much notice anyway. It’s only a few days since they opened their doors to the public. Formerly called Livingstone’s, one of our favourite restaurants, until it closed a year or so ago. We could just hop on the train for the ten minute ride from Falkirk and voila, we were here!  Livingstone’s was also responsible for introducing us to Angus the Bull cabernet sauvignon. An ongoing love affair … but that’s all history.

Now it has been reincarnated by Linsey Scott, a delightful lady with many years experience in some of Scotland’s best restaurants. Mason Belles Kitchen is her first venture on her own. Exterior view of Mason Belles Kitchen, LinlithgowIt is set well off the street in a garden area which is usually alive with squirrels, rabbits and birds but today it was quiet. Probably because the animals had more sense than us, coming out in the rain. Interior view of Mason Belles Kitchen, LinlithgowInside though, not only was it dry but warm and welcoming as well.

Rather randomly, the first people we met were old work colleagues we hadn’t seen in ages … brill! The girl looking after us had fairly obviously only been in the job for a few days, or maybe even a few hours. She had to go off and seek answers to all our questions but she did it beautifully. Turned out they only had plain scones so that simplified decision making immensely. A scone at Mason Belles Kitchen, LinlithgowOur friends ended up with strawberry scones … scones preloaded with cream and slices of fresh strawberry. It wasn’t what they had asked for but, since they looked so nice, they just accepted and enjoyed them nevertheless.

Divine help

We tend to like quite small scones and these fitted the bill perfectly. Small but delicious and accompanied by fabulous blackcurrant jam and a lovely copper pot of cream. The coffee was excellent as well. Another special blend from our favourite coffee company, Henry’s. What more could we ask for? St Michael had indeed been extremely kind, not only finding our long lost friends, but a topscone as well! With divine help like this, Linsey and her team can’t help but flourish.

Interior view of Mason Belles Kitchen, Linlithgow
Part of the dining room

 

Obviously the main church in town is St Michael’s, where Mary Queen of Scots was christened. It had been around since 1138 as a Catholic church but shortly after the christening it was ransacked by Protestants. They eventually repaired the church and  have used it as their own ever since. The Protestant church took their role as guardians of the town’s morality very seriously.

Repeatedly Eurupean

The church had a repentance stool on which transgressors guilty of drunkeness, adultery or whistling would have to sit in full view of the entire congregation. Repeat offenders were chained by the neck at the church door. Oh, those were the days! We are pretty sure that Theresa May would have Michel Barnier sat on the repentance stool for daring to defy the mighty United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Meanwhile Jean Claude Juncker’s neck would be in irons at the door …  just for being repeatedly European! Theresa’s now gaining a pitying respect from the public who always like an underdog. As a kind of ‘billy no mates’ …  watching her perform is kind of embarrassing. Like sitting by a guillotine of old, where you can’t bear to look but can’t help it either. She needs to get St Michael onside!The logo of Mason Belles Kitchen, LinlithgowEH49 7AE        01506 843867             Mason Belles FB

ps: JOGLE friends (John o’Groats to Land’s End) walkers and are nearing the end of their incredible  journey. You can follow their adventures at: heatherstevesduncansbyheadtolandsend.wordpress.com

Scones, Top

The Corner Café

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You just can’t turn your back for a minute. We go down to London for a few days and come home to find a brand new café has popped up in the middle of town. Back in February we reviewed the Larder café which was a reincarnation of a previous one called Food Heaven. Both were pretty awful. Indeed this site seems to have been blighted by failed businesses over the years. Perhaps its because there is a big glossy Costa directly opposite. Maybe it’s the crowded market but mostly we feel it has been down to shoddy management. We said we would let you know how the Larder got on. Well it only lasted a few months after our review. That wasn’t the cause of its demise but probably didn’t help either.

Anyway, it’s now called the Corner Café and at long last it seems to have management that knows what it is doing. Young buck, Andrew, heads up a team that has gone right back to basics. Previously everything was bought in from a large cash and carry warehouse in Glasgow but now it’s all prepared fresh on site, scones included. Obviously, we had to visit. Internal view of the Corner Café, Falkirk

Hints of chocolate

The place has a clean fresh look and we were made to feel very welcome by the staff even though it was almost closing time when we got there. The menu is relatively small but big enough to have something to please everyone. We were particularly pleased to see that their coffee was from Henry’s Coffee Company. Not the Cat’s Pyjamas, but a blend made exclusively for the Corner by Henry’s.A scone at the Corner Café, Falkirk

They were sold out of fruit scones but the lady looking after us made a quick dash to the kitchen to see if there were any there, Sadly no, so one of the last remaining plain scones it was. It came with strawberry jam and cream in lovely little ceramic containers … nice touch. The scone itself was very good and their special coffee was deliciously smooth with subtle hints of chocolate, excellent. After some deliberation we felt that a topscone award was thoroughly deserved.

The Corner hasn’t even been open two weeks so we wish them the very best of luck for the future, hopefully they break the curse that seems to bedevil this site .. and we are not alone

Good luck cards at the Corner Café, Falkirk
Good luck cards from wellwishers
Tug-of-war

Everyone is fed up to back teeth of Brexit. If it inadvertently brought about a united Ireland and an independent Scotland it might have all been worth it … but otherwise?? The main news this week  is that Meghan Markle, Countess of a big chunk of England somewhere, closed her own car door. This was her first solo engagement and according to the media, with this one simple act she demonstrated how ordinary and down to earth the Royal Family really are. She has been showered with congratulations.

The other big congratulatory news was from South Africa. In the World Tug-of-War Championships in Cape Town, Ayrshire Ladies won gold in the 500kg competition. You are hearing it here because Pat and I used to be heavily involved in tug-of-war. And because you won’t hear it anywhere else. If you can do a good hop skip and jump you are lauded to the heavens by the media. You might even get a knighthood but in a serious sport like tug-of-war, not a dickie bird! Anyway, good luck to Andrew and his team, we are in your Corner … sorry!

FK1 1LZ.     tel: 01324 410949        The Corner Café FB

Scones, Top

Sugar Boat – Helensburgh

For some time now Pat has been dropping hints about visiting Helensburgh. As a wee lass she and her mum used to go there by train from their home in Drumchapel. They would play on the beach and swim in the outdoor pool. On the other hand, I didn’t know the town at all. However, recently I have become increasingly aware of it as the start-point of the 134 mile long John Muir Way. It begins in Helensburgh before passing very close to our house in Falkirk then finishing on the east coast at Muir’s birthplace in Dunbar. It’s very popular with walkers and cyclists.

View from Helensburgh beach over Clyde to Greenock
A rather sombre view across the ‘beach’ towards Greenock, three miles away

So on this rather wet and humid day it was a kind of nostalgia trip for Pat and, for me, an introductory visit to this west coast town.

Memories

Memories are funny things and sometimes they can play tricks on you. The beach that Pat remembered so well is actually a rather dismal strip of sand about four or five feet wide and about thirty feet long. When the tide’s out, it consists, almost entirely, of a vast area of dark slippery seaweed over rough rocks. The swimming pool is now closed though apparently it is due to be completely rebuilt in the next year or so.

TV and all that

The town’s sea front consists mainly of fairly dilapidated ice cream parlours, the usual charity shops and the odd rather sorry looking pub. Statue of John Logie Baird, HelensburghIn the 2014 Scottish independence referendum one of the claims from the union side was that this town would be devastated by independence and the withdrawal of the nearby Royal Naval Base. Well today it was looking pretty devastated even with all the phantasmagorical benefits that the UK supposedly brings. Most of the workers on the base live in the south of England so the town derives little benefit.

As we walked along the front we came across a memorial to John Logie Baird, inventor of television and a native of the town. He gave the first ever demonstration of the new fandangled technology in what used to be Falkirk’s Temperance Hotel. It all happens in Falkirk! By the time we reached the west end we were feeling pretty depressed by the general state of decay so we decided to go one street back from the sea for our return journey. What a good idea that was. Otherwise we would not have come across the lovely Colquhoun Square and this delightful little bistro/café, the Sugar Boat.

Dog biscuits

We were welcomed with open arms into a beautifully appointed restaurant, come wine bar, come coffee house … fab! Interior view of Sugar Boat, HelensburghWe did think about sitting outside since the rain had stopped and it was still very warm but there was a nice little café area just inside the door so we sat there instead. Interior view of Sugar Boat, HelensburghThere was a really nice restaurant area at the back but we were not in the business of a full meal … just a ‘you know what’. The ones on display looked promising. Scones at Sugar Boat, HelensburghThe service was great and we were soon kitted out with our drinks and scones complete with jam and clotted cream. We enjoyed everything about this place. Lots of nice touches. Beer from one of our favourite islands, Colonsay, and even a glass jar with complimentary dog biscuits. Apparently we didn’t qualify due to our lack of dog.

Jamon Serrajo Zaragoza at Sugar Boat, Helensburgh
Jamon Serrano Zaragoza

An overall lovely experience and no problem awarding a topscone.

In case you are wondering who Helen of Helensburgh was, it was Lady Helen Sutherland, wife of Sir James Colquhoun who owned everything around these parts in 1785 … his descendants probably still do! Before that it was known as Millig. Interior view of Sugar Boat, Helensburgh

Thanks largely to the Sugar Boat we left Helensburgh feeling in a much more positive mood than when we first arrived. Even the weather had improved. Our route took us through the lovely village of Rhu with its marina and beautiful Victorian country houses to the Faslane Naval Submarine Base. Home to the famous Faslane Peace Camp,  first established in 1982 and still going today.

We’re doomed

From there we drove over Glen Douglas to Inverbeg on Loch Lomondside with an ever increasing sense of impending doom. Cattle on road in Glen DouglasOur progress was halted by a herd of cattle standing on the single track road. None of them looked very happy and certainly didn’t seem inclined to move. Perhaps it was due to the fact that the hill on the right behind the white cow. It is actually hollow and filled with enough nuclear warheads to blow the entire world to kingdom come.

The cows are not the only ones that feel dismayed about these useless weapons of mass destruction. Scotland overwhelmingly would like them all moved to a warehouse next to Westminster. Even better, since all the warheads actually belong to the USA, to a warehouse near the Whitehouse.  Scotland, of course, has no voice in such matters. Eventually, the cows wandered off and we were able to continue. It has to be said though that Glen Douglas has a decidedly spooky feel about it.

G84 8AQ      tel: 01436 647522        Sugar Boat

Fully functioning K6 telephone box Ely, Cambridgeshireps. Speaking of the USA. The Pedant has just returned from adventures in the New England and sent this photo of a K6 in Ely, Cambridgeshire, Old England. He sent it because it is still a fully functioning call box. Not a book swap library, not a CD exchange, not a defibrillator point, not for growing geraniums … a call box! And why is this wonderful thing still functioning after all these years … because it was made in Falkirk of course! Told you it all happens in Falkirk.

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Pittenweem Pop up Café

Pittenweem Arts Festival logoThis is the week of Pittenweem Arts Festival when almost all the houses in the town open up to the public and become temporary art galleries. Not all though. This Pop Up Café is also just someone’s home converted for the duration of the festival. It raises money for charity … great idea! It’s quite extraordinary! Just when you thought the whole world was in Edinburgh for the Festival you discover that it’s not quite the whole world. The rest are here in the East Neuk of Fife. It’s busy, busy!The harbour fishing boats at Pittenweem, Fife

Venue 26

The picturesque little fishing village is transformed into one huge gallery. Over 130 artists from far and wide exhibiting. And just like the world’s biggest festival going on across the water in Edinburgh, the atmosphere is great! For those not familiar with Pittenweem, there is a downside. The village is situated on a steep hill with a web of higglety pigglety tiny lanes running down to the harbour area. And back up! You have to work quite hard if you want to see everything. It doesn’t get any easier when the weather is as sultry and windless as it is today, heyho! Little wonder then that the sight of this place, Venue 26, was very welcome indeed.

The good folks running it were working extremely hard. Customers had the choice of sitting in their front room or going outside onto what’s known as West Shore. A narrow lane running along the sea front. Exterior view of the Pop Up Café in Pittenweem, FifeOnly a few tables and chairs, all of them taken, so we just sat on the sea wall. It was actually quite comfortable and allowed us to enjoy the sunshine and look out over the Firth of Forth towards the Isle of May and the Bass Rock.

A scone at the Pop Up Café in Pittenweem, Fife
Tide’s out

Perhaps it was because we were more than a little peckish that these scones, together with the coffee, tasted absolutely delicious. Definitely would have been awarded topscone status had it not been for the simple fact that none of our readers can go there. Except, of course, for these few days at the beginning of August each year. And there was no cream!! They do this pop up café every year though, so make a date in your diary for 2019.

Offence

Meanwhile back in La La Land, Boris Johnstone’s article in the Telegraph defending the right to wear burkas but adding some observations about letterboxes has taken up most of the news in what can only be described as a media frenzy. Given that wearing the burka is dictated by cultural rather than religious reasons it’s hard not to feel some sympathy for gaff prone Boris.  We are more concerned, however, about whether we should be just as offended as the burka wearers since most of the letterboxes in question were probably made in Falkirk. They form part of our culture!

ps: talking of art and culture and things made in Falkirk, we came across this picture. Not in Pittenweem but on our way home in another gallery. For all our K6 enthusiasts it is entitled “Phone Box Cottage” and is by Matylda Konecka. It could be yours for £99!entitled "Phone Box Cottage" by Matylda Konecka

Scones, weird

The Almond Tree Café

We have been aware of the Almond Tree Café in our home town of Falkirk for many moons but for some reason have never ventured inside. Maybe it’s because it’s tucked away from the main shopping area near what used to be the Glasgow Buildings. A huge tenement which, at one time, housed hundreds of people right in the town centre. When folk complain that the centre of Falkirk is dying they probably forget that not so long ago, lots of people actually lived in or near the High Street. It made the town centre much more vibrant than it is today. Now, no one lives there.

Where the Glasgow Buildings used to be is now a car park. The only good thing that can be said about it is that parking is free after 3pm. Hence we were using it this afternoon. That’s how we ended up at the Almond Tree Café. Internal view of the Almond Tree Café, Falkirk

Thunderbolts

It is quite a big modern place, with a large seating area upstairs. Ssurprise, surprise, turns out that it is part of the adjacent Struthers Memorial Church. It had never occurred to us that the two were connected in any way. The bookshop full of Christian books and the fact that the almond tree is mentioned quite a lot in the Bible (Aaron’s rod etc) should, perhaps, have made it pretty obvious. Sometimes we can be a bit slow on the uptake. The Struthers MC is a Pentacostal church founded on the memory of the Rev J P Struthers. He was a powerful preacher and children’s author in Greenock until his death in 1915. He was actually struck down at a relatively young age while preaching. Must have said something wrong!

Bizarre systems

Many regard the SMC as a cult where they think of themselves as anointed and speak in tongues. Not exactly our cup of tea but, lo and behold,  they did have scones … cherry and coconut scones to be precise. Weird scones to go with their weird servery. You pay for what you want then you have to walk round the a corner to collect a cup then bring it back and fill it up from a machine … bizarre. They definitely need some divine guidance here or even plain common sense would do. A scone at the Almond Tree Café, FalkirkAt the end of the day the scones were actually very good though the coffee wasn’t great nor were the people behind the counter. Probably volunteers so perhaps we shouldn’t criticise too much.

The SMC only has about 300 members over seven or eight bases in the UK so goodness knows how they make it pay. The Almond Tree itself is only open about five hours a day Tuesday to Saturday which wouldn’t make it a successful business and the shutters were down as we were leaving at 3.30pm?? The sign for the Almond Tree Café, Falkirk

Anyway, speaking in tongues, or glossolalia as it is properly known, is defined as: the fluid vocalising of speech-like syllables that lack any readily comprehended meaning. The Secretary of State for Scotland, David ‘Fluffy’ Mundell, has raised glossolalia to dizzying new heights at Westminster this week. It’s ironic that Westminster is defending what it is doing in the name of democracy. Have they forgotten that devolution was forced on an extremely unwilling UK by the EU. Why? Because the UK was deemed the most undemocratic state in Europe and the EU felt that devolution would give parts of the UK some sort of say in how they were governed.

Wringing hands

Now, Fluffy, a complete waste of oxygen where representing Scotland’s interests is concerned, has decreed that decisions taken in the Scottish Parliament are of no value whatsoever if Westminster just happens to disagree with them. What sort of devolution is that? He has also said that Scotland is no longer a partner in the UK, we are part of the UK. When did that happen? The UK is registered with the UN as: 2 countries (England and Scotland), 1 principality (Wales) and 1 province (N. Ireland). It probably doesn’t matter any more … the Union is bust. Meanwhile the Labour party has mastered the difficult art of simultaneously wringing their hands whilst sitting on them.  Little wonder the SNP has seen its membership sore in the past few days.

FK1 1PW       tel: 01324 626000        The Almond Tree