Tag Archives: EU

The Angel Cafe

6 February 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Readers are aware by now that we have a global network of correspondents keeping us informed of their scone adventures in far off places. Here we have a tale of every day life in southern Queensland. An Aussie mini scone adventure which is so delightful we can do no better than quote it verbatim.

Country Women of Australia

As always we are “in a rush”, had to get across town to Spotlight to purchase new blinds. It seems like quite a journey through the back streets of Toowoomba. My husband does not like going in straight lines, liking to miss the traffic lights. By doing this I know it takes an extra twenty minutes, but me being the “submissive little wife” I don’t complain! He must have been feeling the distance too as the suggestion for a “coffee” came up. (We don’t do tea so much here in Australia, coffee more our thing!). I am not one to knock back an invitation so agreed immediately!

A scone at the Angel Cafe in Toowoomba — Scone and plastic grass

Here we were Southtown, right outside The Angel Cafe. The popularity of this little cafe wanes from time to time, however there is not much choice enroute to Spotlight. Imagine our delight when we saw ‘scones’ on the menu! We each ordered one and found a table on th

e deck, complete with synthetic grass! Our coffees and scones were duly served – now for the taste test. Naturally the first observation is visually- bet they don’t have scones the size of these in the UK!

I guarantee they would have been 5” in diameter. Very generous serving of strawberry jam (about half a jar I would suggest!), however the ‘cream’ was squirted out of a pressure pack – no clotted cream here. Nonetheless, there was that burnished golden top and on breaking, it appeared light and fluffy. These are all rules the CWA (Country Women of Australia) judges would insist on. Mouth watering visually and flavoursome on first bite. Is there anything more dignified than warm scones smeared with jam and dolloped with cream? Well done Angel Cafe! Great stopover on our shopping mission – what made it even better was the blinds were on special!

We have to admit to laughing out loud at the “submissive little wife” bit. And no, we don’t have many 5″ scones over here. Many thanks to J & P. We haven’t had a scone from Ayres Rock yet, or the Opera House … just saying!

Obligations

What our corespondents, and indeed all other Australians, may be unaware of, is their obligations on March 30th. It’s when the UK becomes a sort of ‘billy no mates’ state after leaving the EU. On that date Australia along with all the other countries the UK has used and abused over the centuries will be expected to come to its rescue.

For example, Scotland will expect Australia to take up the slack on its lost export market in live haggis. This shouldn’t be a problem provided they are contained. Don’t worry a haggis husbandry manual comes with them. We’re unsure how escapees would take to the dry and the flatness, however, should they thrive, a haggis fence maybe the only answer. You may also notice a change in your menfolk. Instead of course, XXXX swilling, foulmouthed specimens you may find exemplary rustic haggis fed men requesting cabers as birthday presents. We do realise you only have rough scrub over there but, by a stroke of good luck, Scotland exports cabers as well. It’ll all be fine! At least, that’s what they’re telling us over here.

QLD 4350 tel: +61 7 4636 3177 The Angel FB

Ordinary, Scones

Offshore

4 February 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 13 Comments

Paul Graham, en plein air on the Isle of Coll — En plein air on the Isle of Coll

One of our photographic friends, Paul Graham, was having a launch exhibition of his paintings at the Annan Gallery. It’s on Woodlands Road in Glasgow. A talented photographer for most of his life Paul has now veered more towards art. He works ‘en plein air’ which is his hifalutin way of saying ‘outside’. Paul does though! He sets his easel up in all sorts of situations and climatic conditions and gets to work, For some of the fab results see his blog. Anyway, much as we appreciate Paul’s work we were really only here for the champagne. Once that was finished there was nothing left to do except go for a scone. Okay, okay, that may seem slightly shallow but at least we were in a good mood for a scone.

Not far from the gallery we came across this place, Offshore, on Gibson Street. We mention the street simply because it was once home to the legendary Shish Mahal Indian restaurant. Back in the day, it used to be one of the few places you could get alcohol late on a Sunday evening. Typical order might have been ‘five chapatis and ten pints of lager‘. It had to close in Gibson Street because of subsidence but is still going strong in nearby Park Street. One of it’s close competitors, the Koh-i-Noor actually collapsed into the river Kelvin. Anyway, we digress!

Cursory wipes

Offshore looks a little bit as if it has been dragged from the Kelvin. A wee bit bedraggled. However this is student territory and since when were students put off by a bit of tawdriness? It had that studenty feel. Lots of folk, who looked like they had been there all day, reading books or fiddling with their laptops. We had to ask for our table to be cleared and cleaned. They did clear it but cleaning was nothing more than a cursory wipe. It needed more than a cursory wipe!

There were only rather large fruit scones available and a request for cream only produced a withering look. Toasted scones were not a problem however and they came accompanied by butter and a sachet of Nashville strawberry jam. We have only ever come across this north American preserve once before in Bob & Bert’s. My coffee cup had a major crack running all the way down but we guessed that they didn’t throw them away until they actually started leaking. I was fortunate in that mine, against all expectations, seemed to still be retaining its contents quite well.

Now you may think that this is all heading in one direction but the scones were damnably good. Warm and soft and quite delicious … even with American jam! We had thought, since they were not doing anything else right, that the scones would be similarly handicapped. However, had it not been for all the other problems these would definitely have been topscones. Maybe it was the champagne?
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Deserting the sinking ship

Offshore isn’t only where the wealthy keep their filthy lucre. It’s also where most people would like to be as Brexit wends its weary way towards some sort of cataclysmic conclusion. We don’t mean this café, we mean anywhere other than the UK. What irony! Principally, it was the north of England that voted to leave the EU. Now, one of the main industries in the north of England, Nissan, has announced it’s abandoning the UK to build their latest model elsewhere. Why? Because of Brexit. The north of England has many reasons to feel hard done by but it had little to do with the EU. It was just a really crappy conservative government here in the UK blaming the EU for its own shortcomings. It beggars belief that we are still pressing on, like lemmings, towards the cliff edge.

A plan

It was mainly old folk who voted for Brexit … young folk cannot remember anything other than the EU. The elderly also denied Scotland its independentence in 2014 … frightened about their pensions, Consequently we have come up with a plan. Everybody who is one year older than me should be shot. This plan will undoubtedly have a few critics however it would mean that most people would then vote correctly … simple! Some older friends might be saying “but what about us?” We realise there’s a downside but as Theresa would say “trust me, I know what is best for the country and this is the only way”.

In such dire circumstances my cracked mug doesn’t seem quite so important any more.

G12 8NU tel: 0141 341 0110 Offshore TA

Ordinary, Scones

Bob & Bert’s

5 January 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

A happy and healthy New Year to you all. We hope you will come with us on our continuing sconological research expeditions in 2019.

Looking back at 2018

What were the highlights of 2018 for us? Well, we collected data on over sixty scones and twenty one of them received topscone awards. We think that’s a pretty good batting average. Some were posh like One Devonshire Gardens in Glasgow, the Connaught in London and Knockinaam Lodge in Galloway. Others were not as posh but great nevertheless e.g the Drift Cafe in Northumberland and Fenwicks in Linlithgow.

We still had great experiences with those that did not receive our highest accolade. The Sundial Cafe in Limekilns, the Scotsman Grand Cafe in Edinburgh and the Pop-up Café in Pittenweem were all wonderful in their own way. Stand out amongst them however, just for location if nothing else, must be the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera and the Forth Belle. In fact our 2018 scones all had something to offer even if they were not great in themselves. We certainly enjoyed the whole blogging year.

Fifteen 2018 posts contained telephone box news but our favourite has to be the K3 near Jamesfield Farm. … it was a privilege!

2018 politics

Ooooo! The big news for us was that a member of the Royal family had closed their own car door. Okay, okay it was a brash American recent addition to the family who didn’t know any better. We felt it was significant. Is it for the better? Will she be able to teach other members of the family? Well in spite of the potential for legions of royal door closers being thrown on the scrap heap, we think it’s a sign of real progress. One of very few in 2018.

Brexit, of course, has to be a highlight or a lowlight depending on your point of view. It’s confusing, so to make sense of it all we turned to religion. Eh? Let us explain. If we accept for a moment that, a couple of thousand years ago, God created the Earth in a week. And we also accept (or hope) that He is still working through the snagging list. Always felt He should have taken two weeks. Then we can probably assume that He saw the two World Wars, with 80 million fatalities, as snags with capital ‘S’s. The evolution of the EU however, even with all its faults, must have made Him look down in astonishment, maybe even with a wry smile. All these countries coming together in a spirit of harmony and cooperation … amazing! Then just as He was thinking “Gee, I didn’t do such a bad job after all”, along comes Thatcher spreading seeds of doubt and then Cameron to finish the job. If He has hair He can’t have much left now. At the end of the day, however if He thinks the EU is a great idea that’s good enough for lowly us to think we should Remain!

Enough of 2018, what about 2019?

For our first scone of 2019 we didn’t stray very far. Only as far as our own High Street in fact. The object of our attentions was a flashy upstart newcomer, Bob & Berts. It adds to the plethora of cafés already on the High Street. Turns out it’s a new chain set up in Northern Ireland (Norn Iron as the locals say) by one Colin McClean, a former geography teacher from Portstewart. They have eighteen cafés over there and have just opened three in Scotland. Considering the competition from the big boys likes of Starbucks, Costa and McDonalds this is a bold venture indeed. Is it too bold though? If our experience is anything to go by, we think they will go from strength to strength. It is definitely ‘different’, with a kind of American hipster vibe. The louder than usual piped musac seemed to be a mixture of Mumford & Sons and the Scissor Sisters. Getting the vibe?

Raspberry Ripple

Our experience was mixed however. We asked for the last raspberry ripple scone they had. It had a kind of pink macaroon thingy on top. Why not start the year with a dangerous scone after all? Everything was fine. However, by the time we had got our tea and coffee, we were informed that our scone had been sold to a another customer. It was still sitting there staring us in the face! Their system however meant that someone ahead of us in the queue had already bought it. But it’s still there!? Takes a bit of figuring out. They would actually allow us to purchase an apple and cinnamon scone, a cherry scone, a plain scone or a fruit scone. The eventual decision was a fruit scone but the raspberry ripple one was still there … arrgghh! Probably a lucky escape. Anyway, having survived all this trauma we took a seat in a couple of large comfy wing-backed leather chairs and set about sharing our fruit scone. We enjoyed it, however, the butter was from Ireland and the jam was from Nashville, Oregon? Don’t mind the butter, it’s an Irish company after all … but the jam?? That’s a big carbon footprint for jam! No topscone. We consoled ourselves however in the knowledge that, had they actually sold us the raspberry ripple scone, it would have fallen into the weird scone category and not won an award either. This new addition to our High Street is just that little bit different. We also have a huge soft spot for N. Ireland where we lived for seven years, so we wish Bob & Bert’s all the very best for the future.

News

Not much news at this time. The mighty Apple seems to be struggling a bit because of Trump’s trade war with China. Trump isn’t worried, he thinks that 2019 is entirely down to him … the highest numbered year ever … higher than Obama’s!

FK1 1DU no phone Bob and Bert’s Coffee

ps: Having raised your curiosity we are now feeling guilty. We may return to the raspberry ripple scone another day. Watch this space.

Ordinary, Scones

Jamesfield Farm

5 December 2018 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Jamesfield Farm is not in a part of the country we visit often. It’s not often we drive along the the south side of the river Tay, however, today is an exception. We ended up here at Elcho Castle but it was shut for the winter!

External view of Elcho Castle — Elcho Castle, built in 1560 as the family seat of the Wemyss family

No worries, Elcho is not the main reason we are here. Acting on a tip-off from our Trossachs correspondents, we were actually looking for a very rare K3 telephone box. One of only two left in the UK and the other one is in a museum.

Rarities in Rhynd

Apologies but scone purists will simply have to bear with us. Since we seem to have acquired a fair number of scone/telephone box enthusiasts, we feel we have to try and cater to everyone. Fear not, we will get to the scones! Just up the road from the castle we found our K3 outside the old post office house in the tiny hamlet of Rhynd. Not only was the box open, it was in perfect working order!

wide and close up view of K3 telephone box at Rhynd — This K3 has a preservation order and is one of only two left in the UK

This was probably more to do with the preservation order it enjoys rather than the need for functioning public telecommunications in Rhynd. All K3s were made of concrete with teak doors and like the K1 and the K5 were painted cream with red windows. Rather oddly the K3 was introduced in 1929 … after the K4?? The K2 was deemed too expensive to install outside of London so this little box may have been one of the first in Scotland. If you are looking for a K3, however, and can’t make it to Rhynd your best bet is probably to take a holiday in Portugal where they are still fairly numerous.

Ducks and geese

Anyway, all this excitement, rather predictably, created hunger pangs that simply couldn’t be ignored. Not far from Rhynd we came across Jamesfield Farm Shop and Restaurant which prides itself on having been organic for the past thirty years. Some of these farm shops seem to be housed in fairly industrial looking buildings and this one is no exception. In the title picture the restaurant is located in the distance behind the roosters.

View from the Jamesfield Farm restaurant near Perth — View looking north from the restaurant

On the plus side, the grounds have been landscaped quite nicely with several ponds for ducks and geese. The restaurant itself is big and rather utilitarian but they did have a good range of scones and the service was very friendly and welcoming.

Since we were having some lunch as well we eventually decided on one of their large cherry scones to share. Jamesfield is a great example of a family owned farming business that has had to diversify to survive. With their restaurant, shop and garden centre, they do it very well. What effect withdrawal from the EU’s Common Agricultural Policy will have on farming remains to be seen but we suspect that it won’t be for the better. Given our government’s constant carping about the cost of the CAP, they are hardly likely to be more generous once it’s gone. If scones are anything to go by, however, Jamesfield will do okay no matter what happens. As well as producing lots of fruit and vegetables they do all their own baking. Although our cherry scone wasn’t a topscone, it was very enjoyable nevertheless.

Soap operas

Never thought we would see the day that ‘Live in Parliament’ would threaten to overtake Coronation Street’s viewing figures. It is fast becoming debatable which is the most riveting soap.

External view of the entrance to the Jamesfield Farm restaurant near Perth — Entrance to the shop and restaurant

The government defeated three times within an hour and held in contempt for the first time in history. Wow, and, like Coronation Street, this is real life! Simultaneously, Theresa May maintains her mantra. The answer to every single question of the past two months “I alone know what is best for everyone”. When she explicitly says that she knows what is best for the people of Scotland she doesn’t seem to have any inkling of how insulting that is. The country that voted overwhelmingly to not do what she wants to do. Thank goodness for Dominic Grieve who has perhaps made it possible to rest power away from the May dictatorship. If we weren’t so irritatingly polite in this country we would have a gilet jaune movement too.

KY14 6EW tel: 01738 850498 Jamesfield Farm Restaurant

Ordinary, Scones

Café Trio

23 November 2018 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

View of Falkirk Steeple — Falkirk Steeple on the High Street

You know how we were moaning in our previous post about the demise of Falkirk’s high street, well this evolution, that many other towns are also experiencing, is pretty relentless. The consequences can sometimes be unexpected. Spaces left by failed shops usually get filled by enterprises that can’t be accessed online i.e. hairdressers and cafés. Falkirk is now awash with both. That in itself leads to another problem … there are so many, survival for all of them is nigh on impossible.

Record shops

Café Trio is perhaps a good example of this evolution in action because when we reviewed it about a year ago it was as a previous incarnation, Sorocha’s. Before that it was Mathiesons the Bakers which, with several shops, used to have a major presence in the town. And before that it was a record shop, Sleeves. Merely talking about record shops is an indication of how long ago that was, yet it was only 2003 that it closed. Sleeves was driven out by the big hitters, Virgin Records and HMV, that opened large flashy town centre stores. However, they in turn were driven out by the advent of things like iTunes and Spotify. Where will it all end? For sure, the plethora of cafés and hairdressers can mean only one thing … only the best will survive.

Treacle?

A year ago we were critical of Sorocha’s for its lack of atmosphere but ended up awarding it a topscone for some of the lightest scones we had ever come across. Unfortunately Café Trio hasn’t altered the atmosphere problem. It’s still as bland and uninspiring as ever, but would their scones need ‘pegging down’? Pat got a fruit scone and, since it had been some time since I’d had a treacle scone, I opted for that.

What sort of jam do you have with treacle scones? Or do you have jam at all? We know these sorts of dilemmas keep our readers awake at night. There was no cream however the oriental gentleman who was looking after us very attentively kindly offered a selection of jams. Strawberry just didn’t seem right and neither did raspberry so the winner was apricot. For our American readers that’s ‘apricot’ as in ‘apple’, not ‘apricot’ as in ‘able’!

To approach the problem scientifically, I had half with jam and half without. Analysis of the results showed treacle scones to be best with butter alone. However, if you must have jam then apricot isn’t a bad choice. Now you can rest easy! Pat’s fruit scone was quite good but mine was undercooked in the middle so a bit on the heavy side. Definitely no pegging down required! No topscone this time round unfortunately.

Pictures at Café Trio, Falkirk — wall art at Caf

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Counting in your head

The café appeared to be run by a Chinese family and when we went to pay our bill their delightful young daughter (seven or eight years old), who was operating the till, actually worked out our change in her head and got it exactly right … clever girl! It’s a long time since we’ve seen that! We wish Café Trio the very best of luck in this highly competitive market place but we fear we may be reviewing it yet again next year under a different name. Let’s hope not.

Scones after Brexit

By that time Brexit will have happened and we will no longer be in the EU. Great, it will just be like old times! We will be able to go to war with anyone who doesn’t realise we are superior without all these pesky EU rules and regulations getting in the way. Take note France! Thankfully, we do not depend on the EU for scones. Oh, but what about the fruit … and the coffee? Maybe it will be plain scones only after Brexit, washed down with a small bowl of light gruel. Can’t wait!

Scone songs

When we reviewed Sarocha’s we flagged up a scone song on behalf of one of our US readers and asked if anyone could come up with a superior offering. Unbelievably no one has, so let us throw down the gauntlet once again. For inspiration you can listen to it again by clicking here. Excited already!!

FK1 1PL tel: 01324 227470 Café Trio FB

ps: Our antipodean correspondents have been in touch with news of a scone down under. Having just returned to Aus from holiday in the UK they were able to inform us that the UK had better scones but Australia had better coffee! Is that just a hint of Aus/Brit rivalry creeping in there? They had their scone in Passiontree Velvet, Toowoomba which sounds good enough to eat in itself.

Having looked at Passiontree’s website, however, they obviously don’t know the difference between ‘high tea’ and ‘afternoon tea’, so in the face of such uncivilised ignorance, any potential claims to scone superiority would have been disregarded anyway. Not that we would ever get competitive about such things! Many thanks to J&P for their report, keep them coming!

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

M&S Foodhall Café

19 October 2018 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

There is something vaguely sinful about going to the cinema at 10.30 in the morning. Doubly so on a lovely sunny day like this. It just seems wrong. Worth it though because we saw A Star Is Born starring Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. When our 14 year old great-niece was over here on holiday we used to call her the ‘small weird Canadian’. Her two greatest heros, at that time, were Mary Queen of Scots and Lady Gaga! We always understood the Mary bit but now we understand the Gaga bit as well. Gaga was absolutely superb in a role that almost seemed tailor-made for her. Maybe it was. The ending is sad but as everyone filed out in silence recovery was fairly rapid as we suddenly remembered it was still only lunchtime and we were a bit peckish.

Not just any scones

Rather than go to the rather sterile café area in the multiplex cinema we went outside and ended up here in the M&S Foodhall Café. We needed to get some stuff anyway. We’ve reviewed M&S before, when they had their large clothing store on Falkirk high street, but that has gone now. This place is now the only presence they have in town.

It is ironic that a business built on clothing sales is now largely dependent on foodhalls like this. Just when we get wall to wall cookery programs on TV, the M&S range of ready-meals (just nuke it and stick on the plate) has become ultra successful. They are good mind you. Anyway while we were getting some sandwiches we noticed the scones … “not just any scones … M&S scones” as the sultry-voiced woman on the M&S adverts would say.

Branding

It is all self service and we are not quite sure where the problem lay but the staff were struggling a bit … slightly chaotic behind the counter and lots of uncleared tables. There was no cream with our scones and initially there was no jam either but it turned up eventually. It was branded as ‘British’ like almost everything in M&S these days. Even the haggis and the whisky are emblazoned with the union jacks! It’s as if there is a panic in central government that Scottish independence is looming large yet again and nothing can be labeled ‘Scottish’ in case it further emboldens the natives. Frightened of losing their cash cow, it does of course have the opposite effect.

Doh!

Anyway our scones were fine but the whole experience was certainly not a topscone one. Irony abounds these days e.g. the UK says it hopes to do a trade deal with Singapore once it leaves the EU in a few months. This, as the EU signs a trade deal with Singapore this week … doh! After we leave the EU, how long will it be before someone notices that the biggest market in the world is right on our doorstep and we are not part of it … doh again!

FK1 1LW tel: 01324 406101 M&S Foodhall

english, Ordinary, Scones

John Forrest Bakery

Video 25 September 2018 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

When we write about places like Claridges, the Connaught and even the Bingham Hotel in Richmond, readers could be forgiven for thinking that we only frequent the well-to-do areas of London. Only mix with the upper crust! Well, you would not be far wrong. The thing is though, it just sort of works out that way … honest! We don’t seek these places out! After our sojourn the other day to the Tide Tables Cafe in wealthy Richmond, today we find ourselves in the Kings Road in Chelsea. Home of Sloane Rangers and Hooray Henrys, but not by choice … we are here on an important errand to fix an incapacitated handbag. It just so happens that the Handbag Clinic is here on the Kings Road. Yes, they do have clinics for handbags, however, the less you know about that the better.

Supercars

Famous for its Chelsea buns, the important thing was to check out a Chelsea scone and fill that gap in our collective sconological knowledge base. This part of London offers you the opportunity to pay ten times what you would pay anywhere else on just about anything. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration … but only slight. The streets are lined with super cars … McLarens, Ferraris, Maseratis. The sort of cars that, if we were to sell our house and our children, we would still not be able to afford. Sorry kids if you are reading this, it is just a turn of phrase, it does not mean that you are not worth much. It just means that if you were worth more we might get a supercar … okay!!

It’s ironic that these cars, capable of 200mph, would throw a major party if, by some miracle, they ever got to reach 30mph in London. For most of them, that’s a rather forlorn ambition. Some of them are painted matt black like stealth bombers. Initially we thought this might be to make them invisible to traffic wardens. However then we remembered that the owners of these cars would not be the slightest bit bothered with a hundred parking tickets. So, in a way, the paint finish doesn’t matter … except to look a bit pretentious, of course, and make it difficult for the butler to polish. Golly gosh, what a laugh that would be!

The holy hour

Okay, for those of you thinking that finding a scone in such surroundings should be a piece of cake … not so! It was after 2pm but everywhere we went we were refused. Scones only served between three and five … what? We knew the world had gone mad but this surely is the last straw!

However, there is something oddly right about this. Any other food item you could have any old time of the day but scones, as befits their status of course, only in this blessed two hour window. The conversation goes something like this: Me “may I have a scone please?” Waiter “Is it three o’clock, sir?” Me: “no, it’s half past two”. Waiter: “Yes sir you may have a scone but you will have to wait half an hour.” Absolutely no use to us though because we had yet another even more important errand than rescuing an ailing handbag to run. We simply could not hang around until the holy hour when scones would appear, presumably, as if by magic.

Now, readers should know by now that we are not ones for giving up. However, just as we were about to do just that, we stumbled on the John Forrest Bakery. It had scones that could be bought any time of the day or night, yeagh! It wasn’t ideal though … no seats inside and the few they had outside were all taken.

Not to worry, they provided us with two teas in polystyrene cups, a ham & cheese roll … and a scone in a white paper bag … all for £5.10. We take back our previous comment about everything being ludicrously expensive. We then slunk off up a nearby alleyway looking for somewhere to sit and eat. Fortunately it led to an enclosed area surrounded by rather utilitarian looking apartment blocks. The hidden side of Chelsea where real people live. In the middle was a kiddie’s play park with a couple of wooden benches. And we had it all to ourselves. It was wonderfully quiet after the hustle and bustle going on only a few yards away.

Trials and tribulations

The scone, which the John Forrest folks had kindly buttered for us had loads of fruit but it wasn’t the best by a long chalk. At least it served to illustrate the trials and tribulations we endure in order to bring our sconey readers news from the UK’s nether regions. Actually, as we sat there on our park bench with our strong tea and very fruity scone, we did not feel trialed or tribulated at all. We did, in fact, feel rather blessed with the whole experience. Without it we would never have discovered this quiet little sanctuary.

Sanctuary is what Theresa May needs as forces range against her from all sides. And she demands that the EU treats the UK with respect. She wants respect from the club we are leaving presumably because we think it’s crap! In the circumstances, we think the EU has been extremely respectful. Meanwhile, no one in government has a clue what is going on. The opposition is worse than useless. As a result the entire country is paralysed in a kind of collective nervous breakdown. What fun!

Picture this

If we had to choose a picture to depict Britain’s current state of mental health there would be only one contender, Edvard Munch’s, The Scream. Even inanimate objects are having issues because the Handbag Clinic was doing a roaring trade. However, what will Brexit mean for handbag clinics?

SW10 0LR tel: 020 7352 5848 John Forrest Bakery FB

ps: we did see a couple of K2 telephone boxes but were unable to photograph them.

Ordinary, Scones

Kerrera Tea Garden

20 July 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

When it comes to Scottish Independence many people who voted NO in the 2014 referendum have been posting on social media “My Journey to YES”. Well this is similar but, of course, it is more “Our journey to a SCONE”! Let us explain. Some scones can be relatively difficult to come by but that is generally down to cost e.g. Claridges, the Connaught, rather than geographical location.

Gallanach Ferry from the Isle of Kerrera — Gallanach Ferry only takes 12 people, no cars. If you are number 13 you have to wait for it to come back. We had to wait for it to come back three times

Getting there

Getting to the Kerrera Tea Garden however involves a road trip to Oban, a ferry and then an hours walk over rough hill track. That’s just to get there … and the same back! There is nothing along the way other than sheep but luckily they have easy to follow signposts to guide the weary traveller. Although the day was quite cloudy it was hot so by the time we came on that last sign we were extremely relieved. Stomach and arthritic joints were screaming for sustenance and rest.

The Kerrera Tea Garden is exactly what it says. A fairly large garden in which there are lots of tables where you can sit and have tea. If the weather ever gets inclement, perish the thought, there is the Byre, a rustic but charming converted cowshed.

Inside the Byre at the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera — The Byre

Sacre Blue

We were attended to by a very mannerly young chap who was obviously not a local. He was from Singapore and was studying law in London. Goodness knows how he found his way here for a summer job? The scones are made fresh every morning so after a light lunch we thought they should be sampled. We couldn’t come all this way and not sample the scones after all! Unfortunately they were a tad disappointing. Just a little on the solid side and with a slightly sweet taste that wasn’t to our liking. They weren’t bad but not a topscone. Pity, because everything else about this place is fantastic. If you ever get the chance you should definitely visit, it’s worth the effort.

When we arrived there was a party of six French folk who were explaining that they just wanted coffee because they had their own sandwiches … mais non, sacre blue, mon dieu! Perhaps it is just as well we are leaving the EU! They were politely told to take themselves off to thonder distant hill to have their picnic. When we were leaving they were making their way back for their coffee and didn’t seem at all put out. The Auld Alliance is intact!

View of Gylen Castle on the Isle of Kerrera — The ruined Gylen Castle overlooking the Firth of Lorne

buy cialis pill cute-n-tiny.com The blood supply into the erection containers made of spongy tissue called as corpus cavernosum to relax and smoothen. Epillsrx.com offers levitra best price at a 100% lowest-price guarantee, which ensures customers that they have received from the online course and it remains fresh and clear in the mind. Hair follicles have a sensitivity to DHT – so when the DHT is present in discover address now cialis cheapest the follicles, it makes them miniaturize – resulting in an abnormal production of the hormone adrenocorticotropin. This issue cialis canada generico might not be a matter of life and death in some extreme cases. We finished off our visit with the short walk from the Tea Garden to Gylen Castle which sits on the southern tip of the island. It was built in 1582 by the Clan MacDougall but was besieged then burned by Covenanters in 1647. Ironically the siege was successful because of a shortage of water. The castle’s spring was insufficient in the prevailing dry spell so the MacDougalls surrendered. The same would have happened today where we have almost forgotten what rain looks like! When William Turner visited in 1831, he was fascinated by the ruin and made several sketches of the castle which are now in London’s Tate Gallery.

View of Ben Cruachan from the Isle of Kerrera — Looking east with twin peaks of Ben Cruachan in the middle distance

Sheep talk

On our return walk to the ferry we were almost deafened at one point by sheep baaing to each other … baa, baa, baa, baa. The noise was incredible! We came to the conclusion that they must have been discussing the effects of Brexit on the Common Agricultural Policy. They were making much more sense than our Westminster parliamentarians! After Trump’s visit to see May in London and Putin in Helsinki, I said to Pat “I think Trump’s a very clever man”, then, when I saw the look on her face, had to explain that I had misspoken and what I actually meant to say was that he was a complete and utter idiot.

Ex KGB, Vladamir Putin is beginning to look like the only sane politician around and that says something! Our “journey to a scone” was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. A big fat YES to the Kerrera Tea Garden.

PA34 4SX tel: 01631 566367 Kerrera Tea Garden

ps: This is the only telephone box on the Isle of Kerrera and as you can see it is a K6. No manufacturer’s badge so it could be either Falkirk, Kirkintilloch or Glasgow in origin. Now it functions, not as a telephone box, but as the only shop on the island … selling postcards.

Telephone cables

If you found that interesting here is another little snippet that will be of interest to all those who have spent restless nights wondering where the first subsea transatlantic telephone cable came ashore in the UK. Well wonder no more, it was here at Little Horsehoe Bay on Kerrera in 1956. It operated until 1978 and the other end was in Clarenville, Newfoundland. You can now rest easy.

View of first trans Atlantic telephone cable landing point on the Isle of Kerrera — Little Horseshoe Bay with Oban in the distance. In 1263 Horseshoe Bay housed a fleet of one hundred and twenty longship galleys under the command of Norwegian King Haakon 1. More recently, it provided all the lobsters for Cunard’s transatlantic liners.

Wilting

We met loads of tourists, some walking, some on bikes, all were complaining about the heat! They said that the publicity for holidays in Scotland had not prepared them for weeks of hot dry weather. C’est la vie … haste ye back!

Scones, weird

The Almond Tree Café

17 June 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

We have been aware of the Almond Tree Café in our home town of Falkirk for many moons but for some reason have never ventured inside. Maybe it’s because it’s tucked away from the main shopping area near what used to be the Glasgow Buildings. A huge tenement which, at one time, housed hundreds of people right in the town centre. When folk complain that the centre of Falkirk is dying they probably forget that not so long ago, lots of people actually lived in or near the High Street. It made the town centre much more vibrant than it is today. Now, no one lives there.

Where the Glasgow Buildings used to be is now a car park. The only good thing that can be said about it is that parking is free after 3pm. Hence we were using it this afternoon. That’s how we ended up at the Almond Tree Café.

Thunderbolts

It is quite a big modern place, with a large seating area upstairs. Ssurprise, surprise, turns out that it is part of the adjacent Struthers Memorial Church. It had never occurred to us that the two were connected in any way. The bookshop full of Christian books and the fact that the almond tree is mentioned quite a lot in the Bible (Aaron’s rod etc) should, perhaps, have made it pretty obvious. Sometimes we can be a bit slow on the uptake. The Struthers MC is a Pentacostal church founded on the memory of the Rev J P Struthers. He was a powerful preacher and children’s author in Greenock until his death in 1915. He was actually struck down at a relatively young age while preaching. Must have said something wrong!

Bizarre systems

Many regard the SMC as a cult where they think of themselves as anointed and speak in tongues. Not exactly our cup of tea but, lo and behold, they did have scones … cherry and coconut scones to be precise. Weird scones to go with their weird servery. You pay for what you want then you have to walk round the a corner to collect a cup then bring it back and fill it up from a machine … bizarre. They definitely need some divine guidance here or even plain common sense would do. At the end of the day the scones were actually very good though the coffee wasn’t great nor were the people behind the counter. Probably volunteers so perhaps we shouldn’t criticise too much.

The SMC only has about 300 members over seven or eight bases in the UK so goodness knows how they make it pay. The Almond Tree itself is only open about five hours a day Tuesday to Saturday which wouldn’t make it a successful business and the shutters were down as we were leaving at 3.30pm??

Anyway, speaking in tongues, or glossolalia as it is properly known, is defined as: the fluid vocalising of speech-like syllables that lack any readily comprehended meaning. The Secretary of State for Scotland, David ‘Fluffy’ Mundell, has raised glossolalia to dizzying new heights at Westminster this week. It’s ironic that Westminster is defending what it is doing in the name of democracy. Have they forgotten that devolution was forced on an extremely unwilling UK by the EU. Why? Because the UK was deemed the most undemocratic state in Europe and the EU felt that devolution would give parts of the UK some sort of say in how they were governed.

Wringing hands

Now, Fluffy, a complete waste of oxygen where representing Scotland’s interests is concerned, has decreed that decisions taken in the Scottish Parliament are of no value whatsoever if Westminster just happens to disagree with them. What sort of devolution is that? He has also said that Scotland is no longer a partner in the UK, we are part of the UK. When did that happen? The UK is registered with the UN as: 2 countries (England and Scotland), 1 principality (Wales) and 1 province (N. Ireland). It probably doesn’t matter any more … the Union is bust. Meanwhile the Labour party has mastered the difficult art of simultaneously wringing their hands whilst sitting on them. Little wonder the SNP has seen its membership sore in the past few days.

FK1 1PW tel: 01324 626000 The Almond Tree

Ordinary, Scones

3 Villages Café

9 June 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

What a beautiful day to be in this part of the world. As we drove down from the Rest And Be Thankful with our ears popping it was great to suddenly come upon the open expanse of Loch Long. And, even better, the possibility of a scone in Arrochar village on the opposite shore. On previous visits we have gone to the Arrochar Tearoom but this time we decided to go a little further on and try the 3 Villages Café which is right on the loch side. The view from the café towards the mist covered crags of Ben Arthur, better known as the Cobbler, is pretty good.

Confusion

When the Arrochar and Tarbet Community Development Trust bought the Pit Stop Café they renamed it the 3 Villages Café. Its Post Office, it was intended to serve three local villages.Unfortunately it has all the hallmarks of a community run project where no individual is actually taking overall responsibility. Although the locals may still call it by its old name ‘the Pit Stop’ the signage is confusing for tourists. It should be one or other. There also seemed to be no explanation as to why it was called the 3 Villages. We could only think of two. When we asked the answer was Succoth, Arrochar and Tarbet.

We’re not exactly strangers to these parts but even we had never heard of Succoth. It’s a collection of forestry houses at the head of the loch, which we had always assumed was simply part of Arrochar. Heyho, you live and learn but still a bit confusing for visitors.

Not doing the job

The café simply needs someone to cast a fresh eye over it. Empty the overflowing ashtray at the door, remove the weeds and litter from the outside seating area etc. A few minutes work would improve the look of the place immeasurably. When we pointed these things out to the very pleasant and friendly staff the answer was “oh, but we have someone who does that for us“! Well obviously they aren’t doing it! Anyway, we hoped that our scones would help improve on first impressions but no, it wasn’t to be. There was nothing particularly wrong with them but nothing particularly right either.

Torpedos

There are too many things wrong here, especially for tourists which is annoying because it has great potential. Needs to get its act together. Anyway, in our previous post we mentioned the Skelmorlie Mile and contemplated the potential need for its resurrection in the face of Britain’s increasingly belligerent attitude to our friends and neighbours in Europe. Twelve months of negotiations have produced absolutely zilch so maybe the old torpedo testing centre in Arrochar will need to be resurrected as well? History teaches us that Britain has been at war with many countries over the centuries. However, call us slow on the uptake if you like. We have suddenly realised that Britain only ever goes to war with countries that simply won’t do as they are told. Watch out EU!

G83 7AB tel: 01301 702570 Three Villages Café TA

ps: If you have been enjoying the lack of telephone box news recently … sorry ! In our travels we came across this one near Ardlamont on the southern tip of the Cowal peninsula. It’s quiet round here, we drove for about 40 minutes and only met one other car. By the looks of this Lion foundry K6 the last people to have used it may have been involved in what was to become one of Scotland’s greatest murder mysteries.

Not proven

On August 10, 1893 one Cecil Dudley Hambrough was shot dead in a nearby wood, only a stone’s throw from this kiosk. Although his tutor, John Monson, was almost certainly the guilty party, because of a lack of evidence, the verdict at the time was the peculiarly Scottish one of ‘Not Proven’. Neither guilty or innocent. Nevertheless, Madam Taussauds in London placed a waxwork of Monson at the entrance to the Chamber of Horrors. Monson was enraged and after a court case was awarded damages of one farthing (£0.0001).

libel by innuendo

The case of Monson vs Taussauds, however, established the principle of “libel by innuendo” and is still used around the world in defamation cases. Not a lot of people know that! Great what you can learn from scones and telephone boxes!

Country Women of Australia

Obligations

Cursory wipes

Deserting the sinking ship

A plan

Looking back at 2018

2018 politics

Enough of 2018, what about 2019?

Raspberry Ripple

News

Rarities in Rhynd

Ducks and geese

Soap operas

Record shops

Treacle?

Counting in your head

Scones after Brexit

Scone songs

Not just any scones

Branding

Doh!

Supercars

The holy hour

Trials and tribulations

Picture this

Getting there

Sacre Blue

Sheep talk

Telephone cables

Wilting

Thunderbolts

Bizarre systems

Wringing hands

Confusion

Not doing the job

Torpedos

Not proven

libel by innuendo

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics