I, at least, am getting old. I remember this sort of scene growing up in Glen Isla
Now that the summer is pretty well over we have reverted to our old routine of going to the early morning show at our local Hippodrome cinema. Today we saw The Farewell, a true story about lies … no, nothing to do with Boris! We thoroughly enjoyed it. It was our kind of film … no loud sounds, no nudity, no violence and no CGI. Are we getting old?
Afterwards we decide to act on a tip off we had received from our ever diligent Trossachs correspondents. They flagged up Muircot Farm Shop as a place they thought we would enjoy. It’s just outside the Clackmannanshire village of Coalsnaughton so not too far to drive after our movie.
I remember this precursor to the combine harvester as well. Nowadays we can proudly say that we know someone with nine combine harvesters … yes, nine!
Good advice
Those Trossachs folk know us too well. We were super impressed by everything. In some ways it is just like a multitude of other farm shops … a big shed! However this one seemed to have a slightly different vibe. Not sure if it was the warm and friendly staff, the spacious layout or the fabulous view of the Ochil hills, but it just felt good.
As we ordered some lunch and were trying to make up our minds whether to have a scone each or to share one, our waitress said “you will get a lot of bread with your soup“. Sound advice as it turned out. Almost half a loaf of wonderfully soft whole meal bread made us very glad we decided to share a scone.
Topscone was an easy decision right from the start. Just the right size, wonderful texture with plenty of fruit and lots of jam and cream to go with it. Judging by the healthy portion sizes, you got the feeling that this place is run by a farmer’s wife. No one is going to leave hungry. Inevitably, in farm shops, you are tempted to buy a lot of stuff from the shop. That’s the whole idea after all! This was no exception. We came away with a great selection of goodies to take home.
The final solution
Recently we have met many people confused about what is happening with Brexit. When we say that we know what is happening they are surprised and relieved when it is explained. For the bewildered of the world, here is our explanation:
31st Oct – we leave the EU (do or die)
1st Nov – Scotland gets independence
2nd Nov – Scotland rejoins the EU
3rd Nov – Scotland writes to the wise one, Donald Trump, asking advice on how to build a wall and get England to pay for it.
You will, of course, understand that this timetable is not set in stone. There may be some movement on specific dates. Never mind though, Brexit sanctuary can always be sought at Muircot Farm Shop. Excellent tip off
ps Thanks must go to our newest correspondents from Devon. They sent us this picture of a Falkirk made K6 … not in Devon, but in Gramasdal on the Isle of Benbecula. They were out for a walk!
Girvan is a town with a population of around 6,500 on the Ayrshire coast looking out towards Ailsa Craig. It’s a fishing town but was a popular tourist destination in former years because of its beach. Some of you may not be aware that Girvan is twinned with Torcy, Seine-et-Marne on the outskirts of Paris. The link commemorates Sir Thomas Huston who came from the town. His bravery, fighting the English in 1439, helped capture the town of Meaux and in recognition the King of France granted him the fiefdom of Torcy. Don’t worry if you didn’t know that. Something else you may not be aware of is that Richard Branston’s Virgin vodka was made here by William Grant & Sons. Don’t worry if you didn’t know that either.
Scones can be hard to find
Normally we just pass through Girvan, however, today it was scone o’clock and we thought we would explore a little. To be honest there is not that much to explore, the towns history as a busy fishing port and holiday resort are well and truly in the past. Nevertheless it was good to be here. The first place we were told had good scones didn’t have any! After a bit of head scratching someone sent us in the direction of this place, Maly’s Café.
Lacking stature
Appearance wise, Maly’s is pretty ordinary looking. It serves a limited range of everyday good food which probably suits the locals down to the ground. The staff were welcoming and soon had us sorted out with some light lunch and a scone to share. Just like the café itself there was nothing special about the scone. It was perfectly good but simply did not have the stature of a topscone. English jam, Irish butter and scooshie cream didn’t help.
Pitch to become PM
Anyway, the Tory leadership campaign rolls on. Would you like an extra £6000 per year? Okay you would, but there’s a catch! You have to be already earning £80,000 per year to get it. That’s Boris Johnson’s pitch to become the next PM. The Conservative party has at long last managed to unite the nation … in despair. No matter what side of the Brexit argument you are on you just feel complete and utter despair. Well done them!
BBC is doing away with free TV licenses for folks over 75. The UK’s pensions are the lowest in the EU by quite a margin so this will probably mean that many will have to spend their money on food and heating rather than have a TV. This, in the world’s fourth largest economy? At least they will be spared the state broadcaster’s incessant propaganda. Scrap the TV license!
ps we were caught out the other day on a visit to Dobbies Garden Centre near Stirling. They had fully loaded cream scones that were so big we decided we would have one to share. When we came to cash desk the lady said “would you like the other one”? Seeing our puzzled looks she said “when you buy one of these scones you get another one free”. Goodness me what a dilemma! Eventually we thought we might as well take the other one … big mistake. We didn’t get anywhere near finishing them. Can’t make up our minds if Dobbies is just being generous or exploiting our weak wills. We think it’s the latter.
Back in February you will all clearly remember that we visited Duck Bay on Loch Lomondside. We were impressed by its modern, almost glitzy appearance and were surprised to learn that the management, family run Cawley Hotels, also had a place in our home town of Falkirk. Typically perhaps, we then forgot all about it. You know how it is? When you live in a town like Falkirk you tend to think that nothing much changes. The odd ginormous horse’s head appears but otherwise everything pretty much stays the same.
Things do change however and this place is a prime example. Just over a year ago it was known as the Wheelhouse because of its proximity to the Falkirk Wheel. We liked it and would occasionally drop in for a coffee or a spot of lunch. Now, however, it is called Boardwalk and it wasn’t until we walked through the door that it dawned on us … Boardwalk is Cawley Hotels place in Falkirk. Now we remember?
It has been transformed from its previous rather dark and subdued existence. Now it is the exact opposite. Both inside and out, it is bright and airy … an huge change for the better. There’s lots of outside seating though today was a wee bit damp to take advantage. New glass walls give the illusion of it being much bigger than it was and there are numerous different eating areas catering to all requirements.
Learning on the job
We had been hoping to have a sandwich and a scone … if they had any. However, when we left Duck Bay, all these months ago, we had promised ourselves a return visit to try their delicious looking meringues and strawberry tarts. Here at Boardwalk, we ended up opting for an afternoon tea since that seemed to encompass all our needs – sandwiches, scones, meringues and strawberry tarts … perfecto! We were looked after by a nervous looking young chap who had obviously just started and was being tutored in the fine art of looking after discerning sconey’s every whim. He did very well and by the time we left, he not only seemed to have grown in confidence but also in stature … brill!. What about the scones?
Tricky decision
Well, everything was excellent, including the scones. Unfortunately we found ourselves debating whether or not they were topscones and sadly decided that they just missed out .. by the merest smidgen. A little on the big side and a little short on fruit. It was the same tricky decision when we were at Duck Bay so perhaps we should not have been surprised. Everything else about Boardwalk looks and feels great so we will definitely return before long. So, now, cialis no prescription cheap we are so much dependable to the internet for prescriptions. There is generic levitra for sale no way you can satisfy your partner you also lose your sexual confidence. The average click-to-purchase rate has increased nearly 30% since 2004 and the average orders-per-email-delivered rate has increased more than cialis where 18% since last year. 5. Analyzing your buy tadalafil in canada http://amerikabulteni.com/category/haberler/ own impotence is a bad idea actually, however.
Prince Archie
In between the wall to wall coverage of Prince Archie’s arrival you sometimes get a snippet of Brexit news. Unbelievably, now we will have to elect new representatives to the EU Parliament … even though we are leaving. Okay the EU has stipulated that the UK must not make mischief in the new Parliament but try telling that to mischief-maker-in-chief, Nigel Farage. It seems to us that the EU should have the ability to expel members. The UK must have cost the EU dearly in terms of money and time wasted. They should just expel us and then independent Scotland can get on with the job of rejoining.
When we were on the Independence march in Glasgow last week we were impressed with the enthusiasm of the many young people taking part. Why not, it’s their future? They tend to get drowned out by the older voters however. Hence back in February in our Offshore post (the one before Duck Bay), we proposed that everyone one year older than me should be shot. The proposal raised much concerned comment from, perhaps unsurprisingly, readers who thought they might be affected. Okay, it’s a tad radical but we see no reason to change! Otherwise, for goodness sake, how are people supposed to learn to vote correctly?
We are in Glasgow for the AUOB (All Under One Banner) March for Independence. We’re not born protesters but let’s face it we’ve got to do something so that Scotland can stop having its decisions made by another country. Being torn out of the EU against our will is bad enough but now that Theresa May has said that she will refuse permission for another referendum in Scotland, there is fresh impetus for this march.
Storm troopers
The Edinburgh march last year which over 100,000 people attended was our first. It was such good fun we thought we should do it again. This three mile Glasgow march was from Kelvingrove Park to Glasgow Green … far enough for our wee legs. It was also the 4th May and National Star Wars Day. We should have guessed that we might be in for a crazy day when the electronic signs at Falkirk High station were displaying “May the Fourth be with you, all light sabres and tickets must be ready for inspection”. Later we would find ourselves marching alongside a kilted storm-trooper.
Brie and Thyme
Anyway, we met up with our friends (fellow marchers) and got the subway to Kelvingrove station where we could join up with the multitudes. We had half an hour to spare, however, and it just so happened that right outside the station there was the Kelvin Pocket Café … an unexpected scone opportunity perhaps ?
Even the crisps had gone all Scottish
We thought it got its name from the fact that it’s pretty small, but no. Apparently it relates to the fact that their outside seating area is a little sheltered suntrap in the afternoon. Today, all these seats were taken but we managed to get the last table inside … and yes, they had scones.
Unfortunately there were only cheese scones left so it was Hobson’s choice. These scones weren’t just any old cheese scones though. They were Brie and Thyme scones and they were delicious. Supplied just with butter they had a lovely crunchy texture and the flavour was subtle but wonderful. This is the first cheese scone to acquire our highest accolade … well done the Kelvin Pocket. The coffee was also great … they get it from Climpson & Sons in London and the beans are available to buy at the counter. Service was friendly and everything was prepared on site. There wasn’t anything not to like about this place. A great start to our day.
The Time Is Now
All too soon, however, our scones were but a memory and we had to head out to join the throng. A flotilla of wheelchairs and a pipe band, specially formed for the event, were in the lead. In spite of causing major disruption throughout the city the atmosphere was one of celebration. Even the people being held up were cheering us on. All sorts of people, all sorts of nationalities, all sorts of ages, all happily walking together. It had a carnival feel. The police were even joining in as people waved from tenement windows, buses and cars all along the route. Restaurants were emptying as staff and patrons came out on to the pavements to lend their support.
Front page of the Sunday National
The weather, though threatening to rain on several occasions, was kind to us. We got to our destination in reasonable shape. Estimates are that it was as big as the 100,000 Edinburgh march and we have no reason to doubt that. We had something to eat, listened to the music and the speechs and as we were leaving to go home marchers were still just arriving at Glasgow Green.
The Doulton terracotta fountain at Glasgow Green with the Templeton Building in the form of the Doge’s Palace in Venice in the distance
Another fine mess
Westminster has just embroiled itself in yet another mess with Secretary of State for Defence Gavin Williamson or to be perfectly accurate, ex Secretary of State for Defence. Incredibly, in spite of the Tories losing over 1300 councillors in the recent local elections and all the gains going to Remain parties it is being interpreted by May as a mandate “to get on and leave”.
Flags on railings at Glasgow Green
Today it was heartening to be in the presence of so many who were all literally singing from the same hymn sheet. It’s time for Scotland to flourish, hold its head up and go its own way. After Brexit we have Scexit.
ps: The Pedant has been busy in Cheltenham. He found one K6 being used as a cash dispenser and another group of 6 K6s all made at the Lion Foundry in Kirkintilloch but none working.
What do you call a group of six telephone boxes? Maybe ‘a call’? Other suggestions welcome. If you are really keen you can find the one on the left at
The last time we were at Forest Hills was back in August 2016. Britain was still reeling from the result of the Brexit referendum, David Cameron had vanished into thin air and the Tories were desperately trying to save their party. Not a lot has changed. Back then, however, we had the media and the politician’s favourite distraction … the Olympics. The masses enter a kind of stupefied state where nothing else really matters. While we were at Forest Hills, Team GB had famously beaten Team Vanuatu in the hop,skip and jump event. As we leave the EU this Friday we need another momentous moment like that to distract us from impending disaster. It’s not really a disaster, life will go on, it’s just that we rather like being European. Infinitely preferable to being British with our arcane systems of government.
Ah well, even if we could arrange an Olympics or even a Commonwealth Games before Friday we would have to let everyone beat us … at everything! Otherwise they might not trade with us! And, after we leave Europe, we might be dependent on Vanuatu for goodness sake!
Correspondents
Anyway, you are all very familiar with our international network of correspondents by now. They expand our sconological research to parts that we simply cannot reach. Sometimes the odd telephone box creeps in as well. Our Trossachs correspondents, of course, are amongst the most adventurous. They could pop up in Gibraltar or Lithuania or Basseterre or Argentina or even 38,000 feet up in the air … there is simply no telling. Today, however, they are back in their natural habitat. They have invited us to help celebrate their wedding anniversary in Kinlochard. We were staying in the hotel but the celebrations were being held in the village hall. While we were waiting for the festivities to begin we thought we should check that scone standards had not slipped since our previous review.
We were relatively early so had the whole lounge to ourselves. Sitting in front of a wonderful log fire our beautifully warmed scones were presented with lots of jam and a generous pot of whipped cream complete with strawberry. What’s not to like? The tea and coffee were all excellent and the scones were just the right size with that lovely crunchy outer and fabulous soft inner. Delighted to report that Forest Hills has indeed retained its topscone award … well done! Of course, we would expect no less from a ‘MacDonald’ Hotel.
Gluten free?
Later, along with about fifty other revellers we had a fabulous evening of eating and drinking with music supplied by the excellent Chapter Four folk band. When it came to the ceilidh, suffice to say that many willows were stripped with all the usual sophisticated aplomb accorded to that particular dance. Back at the hotel, we retired to bed, happy but exhausted. Next day, however, saw us at the village hall again. This time it was to partake of scones …. gluten free scones, another first for us. Oh, dear, two scones in as many days! They had been made specially by a local lady who has a gluten free diet. Delicious but, of course, we couldn’t make an award … there’s no way for readers to access them.
Great way to round off the weekend’s celebrations though and for everyone to say their farewells. Congratulations and huge thanks to our super generous hosts. When they come down off cloud nine we hope they remember to get back to their sconey day jobs.
Farewell to Europe
‘Farewell to Europe’ (should be a lament for the bagpipes) is probably not going to happen on Friday. At least we don’t think it will actually happen on that day … who knows, nobody knows, it might, it might not? It’s like the UK has decided to commit suicide but can’t make up its mind how to do it! It wouldn’t be so bad if it just hurt us but it could also wreck the Irish economy and potentially start ‘the troubles’ all over again. That’s bad! Hopefully, what with all the delays, they will eventually realise that suicide isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
ps: We are always keen to promote new correspondents and were delighted to receive this report from our rookie ‘wildlife correspondents’. They venture into all sorts of out of the way places in pursuit of flora and fauna. Hence they found themselves in the Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh having afternoon tea when their fledgling sconological urges kicked in and drove them to file their first report.
Although they did not feel sufficiently qualified to formally award a topscone they, nevertheless, could not imagine a scone being any ‘topper’. A very promising start, our rookies showing definite potential. Many thanks L&R. We will, of course, endeavour to deliver an official verdict. That is once we have saved up enough to enter the Balmoral’s hallowed halls.
pps: The Pedant has just filed a report on this somewhat delapidated Lion Foundry K6 in Oxford. It goes under the What3 Words code of ///loved.lonely.vivid which rather belies its appearance and its location in the centre of the city. He didn’t say if it was operational but it looks like it may have been used to relay instructions to the Oxford team in the boat race last Sunday.
If May and Corbyn think they are currently treading on dangerous ground with their futile little chitchats we hope they spare a thought for us. Today, us MacDonalds are in the heart of Campbell country. Indeed, Inverary is where the chief of the Campbells, the Duke of Argyll, has his lair, Inveraray Castle.
View across Loch Fyne with the puffer Vital Spark of Para Handy fame in the foreground
The current Duke, Torquhil Campbell, holds other titles e.g. Lord Lorne, Marquess of Kintyre and Lorne, Earl Campbell and Cowall, Viscount Lochow and Glenyla, Lord Campbell, Admiral of the Western Coasts and Isles, Lord Inverarary, Mull, Mover and Tiry, Baron Hamilton of Hameldon, Lord Kintyre, Baron Sundridge, Baronet of Lundie, Master of the Royal Household of Scotland, to name but a few.
Thus, one man manages to embody all that is rotten in the British political system. Not his fault … it’s the system! Anyway, it would be great if we could say that’s all in the past except those titles and privileges are still very much alive and well. More are bestowed every year in order to keep the great unwashed in their place. Apart from the simply act of being born, ‘His Grace’ has done absolutely zilch to deserve any privileges whatsoever. He just inherits them but consequently he can take a seat in Parliament. And we have the cheek to complain about the EU being undemocratic?
What’s in a motto?
In the 1780s, Inveraray was largely rebuilt as a ‘new’ town and now much of it is protected by preservation orders.The town’s motto is “Semper tibi pendeat halec” which, as you all very well know, translates as “may a herring always hang to thee” We suspect that this is also Jeremy Corbyn’s motto. It would explain Theresa holding her nose when in his company … or perhaps there’s some other reason! For Inveraray, the motto presumably refers to its role when the herring fishing industry was in its heyday. Still a bit weird though. Nowadays, Inveraray has many attractions and is always busy with tourists.
Looking down Main Street East
We’re just passing through and stopping off for refreshment … and maybe a scone? There are many options in Inveraray. We eventually chose The Green Door largely because it actually had a green door and a notice indicating the presence of scones. Inside it is quite small but full of stuff so has a slightly cluttered appearance. We were very warmly welcomed however and managed to get a table tucked away in a corner at the end of the counter. They didn’t have cream however our scone was pleasant enough and came with plenty butter and jam. It was interesting just sitting there watching the constant coming and going in this busy little place.
Brexit sympathy
As we often say, in places like this, Brexit seems a long way away. Since all the staff here seemed to be local perhaps the effects might not be too drastic for The Green Door. We are actually feeling really sorry for the EU now. They don’t deserve all this British nonsense. We are almost wishing for a hard Brexit just to save the EU from further hassle. Even if Brexit was cancelled tomorrow, it would take the UK a long time to repair the damage done.
Eventually we reluctantly took our leave of lovely Inveraray and continued on our way. Fortunately, no one had spotted any MacDonalds … phew!
ps: we are indebted to our Aussie Bathurst correspondents who have taken to telephone box spotting while in Scotland. It has breathed new meaning into their lives. They sent us this photo of an operational Saracen Foundry K6 in Peat Inn, Fife. Many thanks J & A.
You all know by now that scones are our main objective where ever we go. However, sometimes it’s not as easy as you might imagine. Distractions abound e.g. sheds, eagles … distilleries! If we can’t find one to live in we feel somewhat obliged to visit them … it’s the decent thing to do. Maybe it’s just a Scottish thing, who knows? Anyway this long winded preamble is simply trying to let you know that we are in another distillery – the Isle of Harris Distillery. Like Raasay this is another new kid on the block. It hasn’t actually produced any whisky yet but in the meantime it’s producing lots of gin.
The old established distilleries don’t bother with gin and probably look down their noses at those that do. However for these new ones cash flow is of paramount importance and ten years is a long time to wait for a return on your investment. Gin, on the other hand, you can make in a couple of days.
Sugar Kelp
Because of this there are dedicated gin distilleries popping up all over Scotland … about 70 at the last count and they join 125 whisky distilleries. We also hadn’t realised until recently that the big well known gins like Gordons, Hendricks and Tanquery are all produced in Scotland as well. That’s a lot of gin! They all claim to use their own unique blend of botanicals to flavour their products. On Harris they use locally harvested sugar kelp … whatever? As long as they keep it well away from the whisky!
Mairi Mackenzie
Being only a few years old the distillery is very modern and has a large rather swanky visitor centre … and a café. We arrived back from our trip to the Butt of Lewis just as it was about to close. Enough time for a scone however. Mairi Mackenzie does all their home-baking and it all looked delicious. As always a scone was what we had in our sights. It came accompanied with cream and jam. We have been desperate to find a topscone on this trip and so far it has eluded us. Unfortunately Mairi’s scone didn’t change the situation. We thoroughly enjoyed it as we did everything about this place but it came up just short of the mark … pity.
They call the Isle of Harris Distillery the ‘social distillery’ because it aims to become the centre of the community. It certainly provides much needed employment in this part of the world. Island economies are always fragile so anything that increases stability is always welcome. More power to their elbow! Their first whisky is to be called ‘Hearach’ which is what people from Harris are called in gaelic … can’t wait!
Social places
Can’t wait for the fiasco masquerading as politics under the Westminster banner to sort itself out. Today, as Theresa May gives the Speaker a body swerve and tries for a third time to get her Brexit deal through the Commons, here, on the very edge of the EU, you feel pretty insulated from all that stuff. You feel, no matter what happens, the folks on these isolated islands where everyone knows everyone else will look after each other, come what may. It would be great if we could all have that sort of social community spirit. We are coming to the end of our time on Harris … sad!
If any of you already know Reinier Sijpkens you should probably stop reading right here. For those that don’t know him let us explain. He has a little boat in which he spins round in circles while playing a horn and winding a mechanical organ thingy. He produces soft melodic sounds and he has a deal with a chap in the local church who responds with the church bells. All fabulously mad!
When we got chatting to him we discovered he was a great fan of everything Scottish. He had recently been to the World Pipe Band Championships in Glasgow and told us that his favourite musical instrument was uniquely Scottish. “Bagpipes?” we asked. Not a bit of it. “The dulcitone” he replied with a wistful smile, “It’s wonderful!”. This was news to us because we had never even heard of a dulcitone. However, having looked it up, he was, of course, absolutely right … and it is uniquely Scottish. You can listen to one here. Also if you click on Reinier’s picture above you can enjoy one of his fabulous performances.
Chance is a wonderful thing
We tell you all this because it amazes us how extraordinary snippets of information fall into our laps. Our boat was even smaller than Reinier’s but we were on the same canal in Amsterdam and just sort of bumped into him. See, there we were pedaling round a canal in Amsterdam and we meet a Dutch guy, a complete stranger, who tells us something we didn’t know about Scotland. Isn’t life fascinating!
“So what the dickens were you doing in Holland?” we hear you cry. Well, it’s a bit of a strange story but suffice to say that we were looking for scones. It was a serious expedition, not any sort of jolly … honest!
Ticking boxes
Inside Winkel 43
Actually we have a couple of Dutch friends who visited us back in 2017. You may remember we took them to Monachyle Mhor in Balquidder where we had a lovely scone. Recently, they got in touch to ask if they could buy a bottle of my own whisky. They remembered cuddling the barrel and having a we taste. No problem. However, when we were trying to figure out how to get two bottles of whisky to the Netherlands it wasn’t particularly easy. Pat, to the rescue! A mini-cruise from Newcastle-upon-Tyne which gave us five hours in the Dutch capital. This ticked a lot of boxes. We would be reunited with our friends, deliver the bottles and get our first Dutch scone. What’s not to like about that?
Bon voyage
The ship left Port of Tyne at sunset. The following morning after a frantic night of dancing in one of the onboard night clubs we awoke and knew immediately we were getting close to Holland. A sunrise full of windmills … hundreds of them! A couple of hours later we were in central Amsterdam and had managed to hook up with our friends. It was great to see them again and they were keen for us to enjoy a few of Amsterdam’s unique features. They had tried in vain to find a scone for us but had come to the conclusion that Holland did not do scones. Instead they said we should not miss the best apple pie in the world. Hence we ended up here at Winkel 43. Winkel translates as ‘store’ in English but we much prefer the Dutch
It is quite small and tucked away from the main touristy area, however, it is extremely popular with the local people. There were lots waiting patiently for a table. Fortunately, we did not have to wait long and were soon sitting in the sunshine tucking into the biggest slice of apple pie we have ever seen. It was full of chunky apple bits with a delicious crumbly pastry and loads of whipped cream … fantastic! If you ever find yourself in Amsterdam go to Winkel and have some apple pie, you won’t regret it.
Apple pie usurpers
As a visitor to this city you do feel a certain amount of pressure to go on one of these super-long glass covered canal boats. If you don’t it’s like going to Venice and not going on a gondola. Our friends however had other ideas.Feeling lucky
They elected to take us on a canal cruise but on a tiny pedal boat. Thankfully they also elected to do the pedaling. It was just a fantastic experience! For the end of February the weather was fabulously warm, a glorious day. Although complain
The port and starboard engines
ing a bit and sometimes a little out of control our engines performed perfectly well. And, of course, if we had not gone by pedal boat we would never have met Reinier and never have known about the Dulcitone. We complained to Reinier that our engines were not as powerful as his. He looked and observed that we had the most beautiful engines in the world. He also said we were extremely lucky and should take extra good care of them. We promised we would and had to admit that we did feel very lucky.
Old Amsterdam
All too soon, our five hours were up and it was time to take our leave. Not before we visited one of the many cheese shops to buy some Old Amsterdam, however. Apparently they eat cheese for breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner as well. They like their cheese in Holland. The cheese neatly replaced the lost ballast left by the whisky.
Welcome home?
Then we had to return to our slightly bigger boat and return to the UK. When we arrived in Amsterdam that morning they glanced at our passports and waved us through. On our return, however, we had to stand for an hour and a half in a queue waiting to have our passports scanned. Apparently, it’s a new system and it’s absolutely dreadful. Many in the queue would have had to wait much longer. We felt ashamed to be British but then again that wasn’t for the first time. If it’s a sign of how things are going to be after Brexit then we might have to move to Europe … or get an independent Scotland to stay in the EU. We’ll go for the latter.
Many many thanks to S & C for looking after us so well. It was fun!
Scotland’s national poet, Robert Burns, was born 1759 in the Ayrshire town of Alloway. The same year also saw the birth of this place, in the West Lothian town of Linlithgow. At that time it was the home of the wealthy Boyd family of ship owners. By the 1847, however, it had been transformed into a coaching inn, the Star & Garter, under the ownership of James Burleigh. At that time it was the Avis or Hertz of its day, hiring out horses and carriages. It’s right beside the station which is handy for us. While our car is being serviced in Bo’ness we can jump on a train and the garage picks us up from here. On some previous occasions, you may remember, they have picked us up at the Black Bitch.
Having a little time to spare, however, our attention was drawn towards the possibility of a scone. When we asked we were informed by a nice young man that tea and coffee were no problem. However, if we wanted a scone we would have to wait until he baked one. You will agree, it would have been rude and churlish to turn him down on such an offer.
What’s in a name?
There are loads of pubs in Britain bearing the Star & Garter name. How come? As far as we can ascertain the Garter bit comes from the Order of the Garter. In 1344, Edward III decided to admit some of his knights to the Order of the Garter to make them feel a bit special among all these other common-or-garden knights. A bribe, in other words, for extra loyalty. The medals accompanying these awards usually came in the form of stars. Presumably the phrase “star and garter” began to be used to denote something a bit special. Would our scone be worthy of such an accolade?
Promising start
We were sitting by an open log fire waiting for them to be baked so no great hardship there. Although we had our tea and coffee, waiting like this does heighten the sense of anticipation. Suffice to say, by the time they arrived we were ready! Having just come from the oven they were wonderfully warm, and although there was no cream there was plenty of jam and butter. First bite was very promising however as we progressed we decided that they had just been slightly over baked. We like them slightly crunchy on the outside but these were more ‘hard’. Had it not been for that they could have merited a topscone but sadly it was not to be.
Honoured
However, sitting here by the fire in February with a slightly hard scone is still very enjoyable. We always feel honoured when folk offer to bake scones specially for us. Not as honoured as a knight of the realm you understand and certainly not as much as a gartered one, but honoured nevertheless.
Bribes
It is incredible that the government was defeated yet again last night and it doesn’t seem to make the slightest bit of difference. Why do they bother with all that palaver? Theresa May, never mind she cannot even command her own government, sets off to Brussels in another futile attempt to browbeat the EU into some sort of submission. It really takes some believing. Perhaps she is going with a bundle of stars and garters in her handbag. She has bribed everyone else so it may be worth a try.
A Parcel of Rogues
When Robert Burns wrote ‘Such A Parcel Of Rogues In A Nation’ he could easily have been referring to Brexit and the secretive ERG group of MPs. He wrote: “Is wrought now by a coward few, For hireling traitor’s wages”.Though he could just as easily aimed it at MPs in the Labour party who will go with anything just to keep their jobs.
ps. Honours should really go to our N.Ireland correspondents who, on a wee trip to Venice, diligently set about searching for a scone. Not easy in such an uncultured place however they did manage to find scone approximations. Apparently these items are only made at Carnavale time. This year that runs from 16th Feb to 5th March so we are doubly honoured to be seeing such rare Italian sconey things. They didn’t say how they tasted however .. more training required!
It was obviously a Scottish neck and an English axe because it took three blows to part her head from the rest of her body. Breakfast time, on this very day, 8th Feb in 1587, Mary Queen of Scots had her head chopped off. We know this because, as they say “we seen it in the movies“. Kind of appropriate that we watched it at the Hippodrome Cinema in Bo’ness. Just a couple of miles from Linlithgow Palace where Mary was born.
Inside the Hippodrome (picture courtesy of the Hippodrome)
Chop chop
In spite of them taking quite a few liberties with the actualities we enjoyed the film. It’s just the movies after all. However her life was so eventful it’s a little surprising they had to make things up. In case you are going to see it they didn’t actually show the chopping bit. That would’ve been too much. Everyone on the edge of their seats. Will it come off this time? This time? This time??
The problem, as always was religion. It’s odd to think what might have happened if things had turned out differently. What if her first husband Francois, who made her Queen of France, had not gone and died on her? In slightly different circumstances she might have kept her head? What if she had overcome English treachery and gained the British throne? Who knows? Instead of being snivelling members of the EU we might have been vibrant and enthusiastic participants. Okay, okay that’s taking things way too far! The take home message from the film was … back then, it was no fun being a Queen, or even just a queen. There was plenty of both in the film.
When the film finished a scone was called for however we thought we had been in every café in town. We had reviewed Brian’s Café, and 1884 as well as the Ivy Tearoom. However, just a short distance from the cinema we found yet another, Matty’s Café. Apparently Matthew Steele, who died in 1937, was the architect who designed the Hippodrome cinema as well as many other local buildings. Marvellous how things come together!
Jobsworth
When we arrived the staff, a girl who seemed to be on her own, was struggling to cope with an influx of customers. Like us, they were probably all from the cinema. To be honest, we are not even sure of the name of this place. It’s either Matty’s Cafe or the Bo’ness Bakery, take your pick. We chose the former but we think it’s run by the bakery that has a shop next door. Anyway we had to wait a while to be attended to so had time to look around. It’s one of these places which is kind of summed up by the clock above the coffee machine. No one has quite decided whose job it is to straighten it up. It’s probably been like that for years.
Eventually we were asked what we would like. For some reason I fancied a bacon roll. “All the rolls have gone, we only have burnt ones left”. I asked if that meant I couldn’t have a roll. “No, you can have one but it’ll be burnt“. Okay? Our order, of course, included a scone and before you could say ‘chop, chop, chop’ it was in front of us, lightening fast. My roll was indeed burnt … as black an executioner’s mind. It was also delicious. The fruit scone came with generous tubs of jam and whipped cream and was really quite good. However, in spite of what turned out to be really good cheery service it didn’t quite make the topscone grade. If you are looking for a no-frills kind of place in Bo’ness you could do a lot worse than Matty’s Café.
Irony
Mary’s body was taken and buried at Peterborough Cathedral. However, in an ironic final twist to the tale her son, James VI and I, who became the first king of England, Scotland and Ireland had her exhumed. She now lies in Westminster Abbey next to her cousin, Elizabeth I, who ordered her execution Can you hear the spinning?
Efficiency
Donald Tusk has said “I’ve been wondering what that special place in hell looks like, for those who promoted Brexit without even a sketch of a plan how to carry it out safely.” We’re with you Donald! As Theresa May goes to the EU yet again she must feel sooooo thankful that the guillotine has fallen into disuse. Mary Queen of Scots, on the other hand, may have wished for something as efficient.
As we ordered some lunch and were trying to make up our minds whether to have a scone each or to share one, our waitress said “you will get a lot of bread with your soup“. Sound advice as it turned out. Almost half a loaf of wonderfully soft whole meal bread made us very glad we decided to share a scone.
Topscone was an easy decision right from the start. Just the right size, wonderful texture with plenty of fruit and lots of jam and cream to go with it. Judging by the healthy portion sizes, you got the feeling that this place is run by a farmer’s wife. No one is going to leave hungry. Inevitably, in farm shops, you are tempted to buy a lot of stuff from the shop. That’s the whole idea after all! This was no exception. We came away with a great selection of goodies to take home.
