Tag Archives: EU

Callendar House 3

31 January 2024 billpaterson1@me.com 6 Comments

We’ve reviewed the scones at Callendar House twice before, once in 2015 and again in 2017. With a seven year gap we thought readers would be ready for an update.

Wall covering in Callendar House — Wall covering in the tearoom

Callendar House, which used to be owned by the Forbes family, lies about a hundred yards south of the Antonine Wall which the Romans built all the way across Scotland. It formed the northern edge of their Empire. The southern edge was bounded by Arabia and the Sahara desert. They regarded everything south of the Antonine Wall as “civilised” and everything north as “barbaric and more bother than it’s worth”. The Romans are long gone but that view hasn’t changed much over the intervening two millennia. FYI, our house lies on the civilised side … obviously!

Dangers of crinoline dresses

Actually, we just decided to take a walk round the small loch that lies to the east of the house. Something we hadn’t done in a long time. Back in the day, all grand houses had a loch of their own and it wasn’t simply a conceit on the part of the owners. In the absence of any kind of organised public fire fighting service a loch was seen as essential as a readily available water supply in the event of an inferno.

Probably not much use when people like Oliver Cromwell were deliberately trying to set fire to the place but even in peace times, conflagrations were seen as relatively likely given the number of ladies in crinoline dresses swishing about in front of open fires under a multitude of candelabras. Of course, even if you had your own loch, it would still have been difficult if there was only you and a bucket. You needed servants and lots of them but, of course, that wasn’t a problem for the aristocracy.

Gentrification

If you’ve ever had ambitions, or even just wondered how to become an aristocrat perhaps we can help. Back in 1783 Callendar House and the Estate that encompassed most of Falkirk was being sold by auction. The Earl of Errol (an oven ready aristocrat) had high ambitions at the auction but was eventually outbid by an upstart scrap merchant, one William Forbes, from Aberdeen. Eyebrows were raised. Not only that, in true scrap merchant style, he pulled the cash from his hip pocket and paid for it on the spot. Subsequently he became Sir William Forbes, 1st Lord of Callendar … and that’s how you join the aristocracy. Common as muck one day and a Knight of the Realm the next! Probably wasn’t quite like that but you catch our drift.

A new experience

Although Callendar House is pretty much in the centre of Falkirk most towns folk had never been anywhere near it. The Forbes kept it very private. However, in 1963 the local Council took it over, opened it up to the public and established a cafe for non-aristocrats like ourselves. After our walk it was nice to get inside and settle down with some coffee. And we could either have a plain or, surprise, surprise, a milk chocolate and strawberry scone. In the interests of expanding reader’s sconological knowledge we rather tentatively opted for the latter.

View from tearoom in Callendar House — View from the tearoom

On previous visits we have been quite critical of this tearoom. To us, it never seems to ever reach its full potential. We could still level that accusation now but at least on this occasion there were staff on hand and we were attended to promptly and quite pleasantly if not smilingly. Still no cream but the scone itself was really nice … no crunchiness but fresh and moist. With this combination there was really no need for jam or cream, it was delicious just with a little butter. A topweird scone!

Provost lamps at Callendar House — Newly refurbished cast iron Provost lamps installed at the back of the house

Agreements

In 1565 the marriage agreement between Mary Queen of Scots and the French Dauphin, Francis was signed in Callendar House. It provided that Scotland and France should eventually be united as one kingdom, We all know how that went. Since then Scotland has been in Europe and then back out again … better to hold onto something if you are starting to feel a bit dizzy. Westminster has now reached some sort of agreement in N.Ireland to restore power-sharing at Stormont. It seems Westminster is going to try to persuade the EU that nothing has changed and that N. Ireland is still in the EU rather than the UK while simultaneously persuading everyone else of the opposite. With Westminster’s well honed skills in duplicity, they may well succeed!

FK1 1YR tel: 01324 503775 Callendar House Tearoom

///wishes.dozen.parks

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Braco Coffee

23 January 2024 billpaterson1@me.com 6 Comments

Braco Coffee is in the pretty little of village of Braco (pronounced break-o) population about 500. You would be forgiven for thinking that nothing much has ever happened here but you would be wrong.

On the outskirts of the village lies Fort Ardoch, a long abandoned Roman fortification. There’s only grass covered mounds these days to denote where the walls once were. Once while walking by the river we could hear distant commands “sinister dexter, sinister dexter.” Eventually it got much louder and a platoon of marching Roman Legionnaires appeared. They were in full costume and carrying spears with a commanding officer at the front giving them their marching orders. We spoke to them and apparently this is what some men do instead of going to football on a Saturday afternoon. They just march around for a bit, then go home again. We don’t understand either but they seemed very happy.

Damned cows!

But never mind the Romans, more importantly, my mum lodged here during WWII when she worked in forestry.

My mum lodged in one of these houses with a lovely lady called Jessie Allan

My dad was in forestry as well and Braco is where they did all their courting. Apparently on one of their dates my dad left his BSA motorbike in a field. When they returned (from wherever they had been 🥴) the straw stuffed saddle of the bike had been eaten by a cow. We tell you this to illustrate the fact that without this wee village this blog might never have materialised. Unthinkable, we know.

Somewhere as salubrious as Braco Coffee wouldn’t have been available to dad back then hence mum’s invite to a field. Even if it had been, words like “cuppocinno”, “americano” or “flat white” would have been absolutely meaningless to them. We pass through Braco quite often and have had this place in our sights for a while. The clincher came when the Laird reported the cakes as excellent though he wasn’t sure about the scones. Obviously we had to check!

There was a steady stream of people coming and going so we had to wait a wee while to place our order at the counter. Normally these cafes are staffed by young girls but here it seemed to be all young lads. Anyway, it didn’t take them long to have us sorted with our coffees and a fruit scone. There wasn’t any cream and the butter and jam was all prepacked but the scone itself was really good. We thoroughly enjoyed it. Not quite topscone but close.

Memories

Afterwards I took Pat a couple of hundred yards along the road to the Pack Horse Bridge. It’s tucked away behind the more modern road bridge over the river Knaik. Pat was surprised and swore she had never seen it before and wasn’t even aware that it existed.It was built around 1650 and must have been the main crossing point for the river for many years. It’s only about four feet wide with very low stone parapets so it must have been interesting taking horses over it.

The Pack Horse Bridge in Braco — Built around 1650 as Ardoch bridge but now known as the Pack Horse Bridge

When we got home I looked up my photo library because I was sure that I had photographed it in the past. Sure enough I had a picture from 2006 … with Pat and the rest of our family standing on it. Such is our memories these days!

Pack Horse Bridge at Braco — Before Health & Safety … now you are not allowed to walk over it

Travelling

As if that wasn’t enough Braco based anecdotes, here is one last one … promise. Given the problems in Gaza and Israel’s genocidal tendencies it made me think of a conversation about Braco when I was a mere sapling. My brother and I were working for my dad during school holidays when one of the elderly estate workers joined us while we were eating our packed lunches. He told us, when he was our age he was an estate worker in Braco with a 7am start to his working day. At that time he lived six miles away in the village of Muthill. When we asked him how he got to and from his work he said in his broad Scottish accent “oh aye, I just travelled“. Puzzled we asked if he maybe cycled or got a bus. “No” he insisted “I travelled“.

Misunderstanding

After some more probing it eventually dawned on us that by “travelled” he meant he walked. He walked six miles to his work in the morning and six miles back again at night. We hadn’t thought of that! The only reason I’m telling you this is that it was the first time I became aware of the vagaries of language. There we were, all speaking the same language but totally misunderstanding each other.

It’s why I’ve always been amazed by the EU, a union designed to stop wars but consisting of countries speaking twenty four different languages. Prior to the EU these countries used to fight like ferrets in a sack so the room for misunderstanding was immense. And yet it has been phenomenally successful at what it was designed to do. Maybe they should make Israel a member … after all it’s in Eurovision but we’d far rather they find some other solution.

FK15 9PX tel: 01786 880 333 Braco Coffee

///magnets.poetry.showering

Ordinary, Scones

Café Belgica revisited

17 October 2023 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

Me on a cherrypicker — That’s me in the cherrypicker bucket

You know how sometimes your day doesn’t quite start the way you expected. That’s what happened this morning. Before I had even had breakfast I found myself dangling high in the air over Falkirk High Street. It’s a long story. But more to the point, how did I get from that situation to Café Belgica in Bo’ness? We should, perhaps, attempt an explanation.

As soon as we came down stairs a friend was waiting at the front door. He wanted to know if I would like to take some photographs from a very unusual and very temporary viewpoint. In short, he’s renovating a building at the end of the High Street and had hired a cherrypicker for an hour to do some work on the roof. Within a matter of minutes I was up there taking pictures from an angle I have never seen before and am probably never likely to see again. Fortunately I had Lee, a very experienced operator with me. For me it was an unusual but great experience! My biggest concern, however, was whether I would get back down in time to go to the cinema which had been our original plan for the morning.

Compassion

Internal view of the Hippodrome — The Hippodrome

No worries, we made it to our local Hippodrome picture palace in time to see a Ken Loach film called ‘The Old Oak‘. It’s a beautifully crafted compassionate movie about a village in northern England where the coal mine has long since closed and the people have next to nothing. The only thing left open is a very dilapidated pub, The Old Oak. It’s the only place for people to meet. When Syrian refugees arrive, however, tensions rise. There are some very ugly scenes but eventually basic human compassion for others who also have nothing wins the day. It should be compulsory viewing for all.

Sliding downhill

When we emerged back into the daylight it was lunchtime and after a short visit to the Bo’ness library we ended up here at Café Belgica which is housed in a huge furniture warehouse. It’s over five years since we were last here and back then we were bemoaning the Winter Olympics. They were being held in South Korea. In particular we were debating the merits of ‘skeleton’ (sliding downhill head first on a sledge) or ‘luge’ (sliding downhill feet first on a sledge). We wondered if there was much more than a handful of people in the world participating in either. The UK was still in the EU at that time and we offered a gold medal to anyone who could keep it that way. Regrettably, of course, we didn’t award any medals!

We had a delicious lunch and afterwards they offered us plain or cheese scones. Having slightly overindulged already it was a cheese scone to share. The service throughout had been cheery and efficient so we soon had our scone. It was presented with lots of butter and jam but we never feel that jam is appropriate for a cheese scone so it was just butter. All in all we thoroughly enjoyed our visit. No topscone but enjoyable nevertheless.

Making sense

Now it seems incredible that we despaired over something as trivial as the Winter Olympics. Today we look out onto a world where there is much more to despair about. Earlier we had seen an fabulous movie about the strength of human spirit and compassion. A couple of weeks ago, we experienced Pat’s McMillan Coffee Morning where people’s generosity and kindness raised £3,500. All to try and make people’s lives a little better. But here we are in 2023 and in Gaza and Ukraine all we see is people deliberately trying to kill each other. It’s bewildering and incredibly sad!

A view along Falkirk High street — Early morning view of Falkirk High street

What makes it even worse is that it’s impossible to see any kind of resolution without a lot more bloodshed. Pathetically, in our comfortable little lives, we cross our fingers!

EH51 0PU tel: 01506 243954 Café Belgica

///begun,learn,afflicted

Scones, topweird

Hirsel Cottage Tearoom

8 December 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

When Harold McMillan had to resign due to ill health in 1963 he was controversially succeeded as PM by Sir Alec Douglas-Home, 14th Earl of Home (pronounced Hume). The 3000 acre Hirsel Estate near Coldstream has been the family home since 1611. It wasn’t very long ago that, in the UK, you weren’t allowed to vote if you didn’t own land … preferable great swathes of it. As an aristocrat Sir Alec spent his life being showered by honours and gifts. His tenure as PM lasted less than a year, though compared to recent incumbents of the post, that’s a long time.

External view of the Hirsal — Photo of the Hirsel by Stephen Whitehorne. It’s not open to the public

So here we were driving past the wall that surrounds the estate. Pat had noted that there was a tearoom so we thought we should investigate. We went in through a typically large estate gate and then drove for what seemed like miles on a tiny little road with no signs indicating a cafe or anything else for that matter. Eventually, we had to stop and ask a man with a leaf blower. It seems obvious now but we had come in through the wrong gate … what are we like? Never mind, eventually we made it to the Hirsel Cottage Tearoom.

The tearoom is part a group of buildings that form a kind of arts and crafts centre. There’s a pottery, a glass studio and a nice little museum. When we walked in we got a lovely warm welcome but the first thing we noticed was this.

A bit odd

They had two different kinds … lemon and blueberry and spiced mixed fruit. … ooo! Pat opted for the latter so I went for the other.

Quite big for our taste but both were very nice. They came nicely presented with butter, cream and jam. Pat’s was beautifully spiced and mine was very moist as you might expect from a lemon and blueberry combo. Slightly odd scones perhaps but we thought they were very worthy of a topweirdscone. Well done the Hirsel Cottage Tearoom.

Ownership?

The Hirsel Estate runs right down to the River Tweed. It made us think that it’s not only scones that can be weird, people are weird as well. They get very upset about land ownership. When we obtain land almost the first thing we do is build walls or borders to keep others out. Don’t think that there is any other member of the animal kingdom that behaves quite like this. Swallows and Wildebeest just go wherever suits them. It can get ugly, just look at Ukraine!

We say ‘border, you say ‘boundary’

When you stand on the banks of the Tweed and look across the twenty or so yards of slowly flowing water all you can see is England. At this point the the border runs down the middle of the river … weird. Unionists, of course, like to call it the “boundary”. Calling it a “border” would imply that Scotland might actually be a country in its own right. Gosh, the power of words!

We mention this only because the former Labour Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, was wheeled out again this week. This is a sure sign that Westminster feels the Union is in some sort of danger. Last time he appeared was back in 2014 during the Scottish Independence Referendum. All the panicking Unionist parties appointed him as their spokesman with a single remit “save the Union”.

Promises, promises!

Back then they all agreed to “the Vow” which promised that if Scotland wanted to stay in the EU, it had to vote no to independence. It also promised Home Rule … according to Gordon, the next best thing to independence. That, of course, begged the question “why not just go for the best thing?” In the end it wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. Will we see submarines patrolling the Tweed?

TD12 4LW tel: 01890 883645. Hirsel Cottage FB

///boil,fatter.repayment

ps: We are indebted to our Marco Island correspondents for this photo of Sconehenge. There’s nothing we can say except we thought, for the sake of structural strength, they would have chosen plain scones!

Scones, Uncategorized

Skillingsboller

3 January 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

2020 wasn’t exactly a year to remember what with plague ravaging the country and mad politicians reaching new levels of lunacy. These things are mere trifles, however, when we tell you that the government has now told us to cease all sconological research forthwith! Sacre bleu! Okay, they didn’t actually get in touch with us specifically and tell us to desist but they may as well. Current COVID restrictions mean that we are not supposed to leave home except to care for others. We thought sconology fitted that brief perfectly but apparently, it doesn’t! So, in order to further your knowledge and broaden your cultural horizons we bring you skillingsboller … a sort of Norwegian scone equivalent.

Happy New Year

But first we would like to wish a happy new year to all our readers and correspondents, we hope that 2021 is much better than the past year. 2020 was memorable for having absolutely nothing whatsoever to commend it. A complete disaster. It did, however, serve to demonstrate the difference between the EU and the UK.

The ‘U’ stands for ‘Unity’ in both their names but the five years of negotiations combined with coronavirus have had opposite effects in both states. On one hand the 27 countries of the EU showing admirable unity with a show of democracy in action. On the other hand the totally undemocratic UK falling apart at the seams with it’s ‘Unity’ under unprecedented strain. All seventeen of the most recent opinion polls showing a clear majority in favour of Scottish independence and N.Ireland, is now left closer to Dublin than London. Even England’s long-standing bedfellow, Wales, is getting fed up up with the Boris shambles and Westminster’s inane dictatorial style. And lo-and-behold, on top of all that we now have part of the Tory party launching a campaign to rejoin the EU. Aaargh! As messes go, this is pretty messy.

Coffee and boller

Enough of all that! Thanks to a Viking son-in-law we used to spend a lot of time in Norway. Being there was fantastic but of course there were no scones. They did however have boller (pronounced ‘bolly’) which are to Norwegians what croissants are to the French or scones are to the Brits. They are made with cardamon spice and can often have raisins or even chocolate chips in them. Absolutely delicious. We became addicted and ‘coffee and boller’ quickly became part of the daily routine.

On this occasion, being at home without access to boller or scones of any kind, we decided to make skillingsboller. It’s a derivative of boller, a kind of cinnamon bun. Obviously you need a recipe but you also need the help of one big Viking and two small ones. This may be a problem for most folks but not for us … because we are blessed with all three!

Don’t make skillingsoller if you are in a hurry. It’s not something you can rush. It takes 2-3 hours at least. But then, why would you be in a rush when you can’t even leave home? Get baking! Be warned though, if you decide to utilise the two small Vikings it can take even longer. Particularly at the icing stage!

Suffice to say that the resulting skillingsboller was absolutely delicious, a major triumph for all concerned.

What do you want?

Emboldened by success our Vikings then went on to make normal boller. Don’t they look delish! If you can’t be bothered making them you can always visit United Bakeries in Oslo. There, you will find lots of boller of all kinds and a huge bowl of strawberry jam that you just help yourself to. Ah, memories! Boller is not a scone but if 2020 taught us anything it was that sometimes we can’t have everything we want. Hopefully in the not too distant future we will all have the ability to travel again and get what we want, what we really really want … sorry! Until then stay safe wherever you are!

Scones, Top

Café at Canada Wood revisited

Quote 18 October 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

One thing about all the pubs and licensed restaurants being closed in this lockdown mess is that cafés that can still stay open are really really busy. Since we are doing a bit of covering for school holidays we had Penny, our five year old granddaughters, with us. She wanted to go to the nearby Milk Barn but when we got there it was so busy we couldn’t get in. She did, however, manage to milk Glenda, her favourite fibreglass cow.

Penny milking Glenda — The ever patient Glenda

30 minutes

We are not supposed to travel unless absolutely necessary so Café at Canada Wood which is also within a mile of home seemed like a possibility. Some people wonder why it’s called “Canada Wood”. We do as well. As a child I used to be hired to chase pigeons out of the wood so that they could be shot by posh people standing on the nearby road. Back then. because of its shape, it was always referred to as “Canada Strip”. We’ve been told, however, that if you search Google with these words you get some unexpected results.

Yes, better luck this time. We could get a table but they needed it back in half an hour. Okay, just about time for a coffee, a scone and some lunch for Penny but it probably wasn’t going to be a leisurely experience. Then again nothing where Penny is concerned can ever be described as leisurely … enough energy and smiles to light up a small city.

It actually turned out not too bad and we thoroughly enjoyed our scone. Another topscone to add to Café at Canada Wood’s ever growing list of topscones. We stuck to our agreement and gave the table up after our thirty minutes. Not ideal perhaps but the staff were great. We certainly didn’t feel as if we were being pushed out.

The bandwagon of bolshieness

However, ‘pushed out’ is maybe how Andy Burnham, Mayor of Greater Manchester might be feeling. He is refusing to impose greater coronavirus restrictions from Westminster until there is better financial support for those affected. Just what Boris needs … bolshiness everywhere he turns. The devolved administrations are bolshie. The EU is getting bolshie. Even some in his own party are now jumping on the bolshie bandwagon. COVID actually makes us feel sorry for politians just now. Damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

No sympathy for Boris, however, he’s brought all his troubles on himself through his own bumbling ineptitude. Now, he and his old school pals have passed a Bill allowing countries with lower food standards than ours to import into the UK! The beginning of a long downward slippery slope aimed at facilitating the US, with its shockingly poor food standards.

Argh!!

Spare a thought for Scotland in all this. The strict COVID restrictions are okay … perfectly understandable. What is much more difficult to comprehend, however, is that Scotland still has a Tory government it has never ever voted for. Also, the EU, at least, gave us some say over our own destiny through devolution but now Westminster is destroying that with the Internal Market Bill. Not to mention being dragged out of the EU towards some sort of utopia that only exists in Boris’ head. And they wonder why we complain so much? On top of all that, we’re now going to be force-fed American chlorinated/hormone/antibiotic riddled food. Rant over … until the next one.

FK1 3AZ tel: 01324 612111 Canada Wood

///airtime.dozens.levels

ps: After we posted a picture of a sign in Dunblane while we were at the Beech Tree Café the Pedant sent us this picture he took in Ely.

An Ely toilet sign — The Dunblane sign on the left together with the Ely sign

No one has ventured any suggestions as to what constitutes a “Comfort Partner” … still a mystery!

If you live in Derbyshire you’ve probably seen one of these before. For those who don’t, here it is … a Derbyshire scone, kindly sent to us by our Nottingham correspondents. They are rookies so, unfortunately, no more detail. Looks pretty good though.

Ordinary, Scones

The Orangery at Victoria Square

18 September 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

We know, it’s been some time since our last post. And before we’re accused of bone idleness it’s because we’ve been busy with other things. Pathetic we know, we should sort out our priorities! We haven’t quite started galavanting yet so this foray to The Orangery at Victoria Square, in Stirling, seemed like a good, if still slightly tentative step, into the big bad world of coronavirus sconology.

It was recommended by the Laird, a valued correspondent of long standing. His full title is the Laird of Dumyat (pronounced dum-eye-at), a piece of land on which he has, built a 1300ft mountain … a kind of mountainette. Thankfully, we don’t think he has any connection with the Lascivious Laird of Kippendavie who lorded it over a neighbouring property around 1765. The genteel and wholesome nature of this blog forbids us from entering into further detail. For being retired and supposedly having nothing to do we seem to find it remarkably difficult to fit everything in. The stress, the stress! The idea of visiting this place was that it should provide an hour or two of blessed peace and tranquillity. Happily, we can report that it did just that. It did so in spades! “Can you just get on with it, what about the scones?” we hear you cry.

The rules, the rules

Bear with us a little, remember this is a COVID scone. This is a guest house and of course, we were interested to find out how they had fared over the past few months. Unsurprisingly, “with great difficulty” was the answer. What guests they have had have been from the UK with one or two from Germany. Our host apologised for being unable to take our jackets but of course, that is no longer allowed. The Orangery is a fine dining restaurant but with only one chef allowed in the kitchen at a time, even that is difficult. The whole situation was kind of summed when she said to no one in particular “it’s quiet without the music … we can’t even have that!”

Yes, music, singing and dancing are all forbidden. Living under COVID is akin to living under the Free Church of Scotland … you can do anything you like as long as you don’t enjoy yourself. We were enjoying ourselves immensely and fully expected thunderbolts. The lack of music meant that we could listen to other people’s conversation … sadly, none worth reporting.

We also never thought we would ever find ourselves having to apologise to an entire breed of cattle. On the wall overlooking our table was this picture which we thought reminded us of Boris. We sincerely apologise to Highland cattle everywhere, it was the horns that did it.

The scones, the scones

Okay, the scones were presented, not on the usual tiered cake stand but on a large china platter. One platter each. Only one scone each and it was, what was referred to as a “mini-scone”, can you spot it? You’re aware that we don’t really go for big scones but this even got us thinking about introducing a new ‘diminutive scone’ category.

Everything is prepared and baked inhouse and it was all wonderful. When it came to judging the scone however we felt that there was a little something missing … salt perhaps? Nice but no nice enough for a topscone. Pity, because we liked everything about this place and would love to return in better times.

Hash, hash, hash!

As the UK considers going back into full lockdown again, Boris continues to hash his way through the crisis declaring that everything they are doing is “world-beating“. His “oven-ready” deal with the EU turns out to be missing most of the ingredients and now he is threatening to break an International Treaty he signed up to only months ago. Simultaneously, he is managing to make a hash of the UK as a Union of Nations. He hates devolution so much that he, in his muddled up thinking, sees Brexit as the perfect excuse to seize back devolved powers to Westminster. We really do apologise to Highland cattle everywhere!

On a more upbeat note, we see that Barbados has finally decided to come of age with its decision to drop the Queen as their head of state. Well done Barbados! Scotland can’t even govern itself never mind make grown-up decisions like that.

FK8 2QZ tel: 01786 473920 The Orangery

///skirt.pretty.pens

Ordinary, Scones

Bob & Berts revisited

17 August 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 4 Comments

Still carless so we remain pretty much tethered to home. Our car is currently on Harris in the Outer Hebrides where the previous post hailed from. We are being inundated with photos of our granddaughters enjoying fabulous weather and swimming on Hebridean beaches.

Luskentyre beach on Harris — our granddaughter Lola running on one of the many overcrowded beaches in the Outer Hebrides

Meanwhile, back in Falkirk, with no particular desire to use public transport just yet, we were not feeling the same degree of joyous unfettered freedom. But sensing a bit of a scone urge, we quietly made our way to our own local High Street. And when we got there Bob & Berts was the only cafe with any available outside seating. So it was to be “Bob & Berts revisited”. Last time we reviewed this place it was our very first scone of 2019.

Car doors

Back then we appraised our 2018 year of sconing. The big political news of the year had been a member of the Royal family closing her own car door. The media was full of it. Some congratulatory but others full of righteous indignation at the sheer unabashed brashness of it all. Since then, of course, the responsible person has been banished from whence she came and since then all Royal car doors have remained free of scandal. Phew!

Snagging lists

Momentarily, we also turned to religion. God, we reckoned, must have looked with dismay at the mess He had made of His snagging list over two millennia. We felt, however, that He would have taken a crumb of comfort from a whole bunch of countries banding together in a spirit of cooperation to form the EU. He would have been proud! Oh dear, what will He be thinking now?

Last time, we gave Bob and Berts a bit of a hard time for not selling us a raspberry ripple scone and importing their jam from Oregon. That’s a massive carbon footprint for a wee pot of jam. Well, this time they only had cherry scones but the jam was still the same. We have to conclude that they are either impervious to justifiable criticism or they don’t read allaboutthescones.com. Incredibly we suspect it’s the latter. Heyho, we wouldn’t really want anyone serving American jam in Scotland to be reading our blog anyway!

We wish our “Bob & Berts revisited” experience had been an improvement on the first visit but it wasn’t. Our shared cherry scone was almost inedible. It may have been fresh on a certain day last week but it certainly wasn’t now. We left half of it. Stale scones, scooshie cream and American jam … what’s to like? Well, the coffee was actually quite good and the place itself has a nice hipsterish vibe. Not enough to make us rush back though.

Poetic scones

We are spoiled when it comes to refreshments because our coffee correspondent keeps us supplied with delicious Cat’s Pyjamas coffee from Henry’s Coffee Company. Sometimes we even find the odd anonymous package of trout on our doorstep and suspect it might be the very same correspondent. Among his many talents, he is renowned for his recitals of the poems of Robert Burns. He couldn’t bear for our antipodean corespondents to be the only ones waxing lyrically about scones so he’s penned a response. As expected, his ditty has an appropriate Scottish flavour.

Great tastin scone yir so elusive.
Tae find yir likes, one hikes ower Scotland’s hills and glens and islands.
Thru toons and villages, some wi’ sheds, some wi’ telephone boxes.
Some oft visited by wee ‘Willy Winkie’ and Pat and Billy.
Yir crumblin crumbs and so soft centre cause chaos on my taste buds.
Yi’ll taste much better when Scotland’s independent.

Normality?

Don’t know if this can be taken as a sign of things returning to normal after COVID? Remember the £5.36 I had in my pocket since March. Remember it mysteriously went up to £6.36. Well, now it’s gone. It’s now just 56p. No idea what’s happened but it’s definitely suffered a severe shock. It’s certainly not due to me being unduly profligate but I’ve obviously had to stick my hand in my pocket for some reason. I would, however, caution the world against taking this as conclusive proof a resumption of normality.

island, Ordinary, Scones

Isle of Harris Distillery – Again

9 August 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 10 Comments

We know, we know, we should be out looking for new scones now that coronavirus restrictions have been relaxed. We should be endeavouring to broaden your sconological knowledge. That’s as may be, however, we don’t feel particularly adventurous just yet. There’s still a lot of COVID uncertainty. And in addition, our daughter came up from London on the train with her family then stole our car. In fact, our car may well be parked outside the Isle of Harris Distillery as we speak. We, on the other hand, are quite definitely parked in Falkirk. In other words, our scone adventuring is somewhat curtailed for the next couple of weeks.

Morar beach 2020 — Our grandaughter yesterday on Morar beach on her way to the Isle of Harris

Although this was originally posted only last year when Theresa May was still striving to get her Brexit Bill through parliament, it seems like ancient history now. Nevertheless, these times that seemed particularly torrid at the time now seem of little consequence compared to what is happening this year. So let’s go back to when life was much simpler.

You all know by now that scones are our main objective where ever we go. However, sometimes it’s not as easy as you might imagine. Distractions abound e.g. sheds, eagles … distilleries! If we can’t find one to live in we feel somewhat obliged to visit them … it’s the decent thing to do. Maybe it’s just a Scottish thing, who knows? Anyway, this long-winded preamble is simply trying to let you know that we are in another distillery – the Isle of Harris Distillery. Like Raasay, this is another new kid on the block. It hasn’t actually produced any whisky yet but in the meantime, it’s producing lots of gin.

The old-established distilleries don’t bother with gin and probably look down their noses at those that do. However, for these new ones, cash flow is of paramount importance and ten years is a long time to wait for a return on your investment. Gin, on the other hand, you can make in a couple of days.

Sugar Kelp

Because of this, there are dedicated gin distilleries popping up all over Scotland … about 70 at the last count and they join 125 whisky distilleries. We also hadn’t realised until recently that the big well-known gins like Gordons, Hendricks and Tanquery are all produced in Scotland as well. That’s a lot of gin! They all claim to use their own unique blend of botanicals to flavour their products. On Harris, they use locally harvested sugar kelp … whatever? As long as they keep it well away from the whisky!

Mairi Mackenzie

Being only a few years old the distillery is very modern and has a large rather swanky visitor centre … and a café. We arrived back from our trip to the Butt of Lewis just as it was about to close. Enough time for a scone, however. Mairi Mackenzie does all their home-baking and it all looked delicious. As always a scone was what we had in our sights. It came accompanied with cream and jam. We have been desperate to find a topscone on this trip and so far it has eluded us. Unfortunately, Mairi’s scone didn’t change the situation. We thoroughly enjoyed it as we did everything about this place but it came up just short of the mark … pity.

They call the Isle of Harris Distillery the ‘social distillery’ because it aims to become the centre of the community. It certainly provides much-needed employment in this part of the world. Island economies are always fragile so anything that increases stability is always welcome. More power to their elbow! Their first whisky is to be called ‘Hearach’ which is what people from Harris are called in Gaelic … can’t wait!

Social places

Can’t wait for the fiasco masquerading as politics under the Westminster banner to sort itself out. Today, as Theresa May gives the Speaker a body swerve and tries for a third time to get her Brexit deal through the Commons, here, on the very edge of the EU, you feel pretty insulated from all that stuff. You feel, no matter what happens, the folks on these isolated islands where everyone knows everyone else will look after each other, come what may. It would be great if we could all have that sort of social community spirit. We are coming to the end of our time on Harris … sad!

HS3 3DJ tel: 01859 502212 Harris Distillery

Remember our Brisbane correspondent sent us a scone poem. Not to be outdone our Bathurst correspondent has responded with a work of his own.

“I enjoyed my Brisbane countryman’s poem in the last blog. I use the term “countryman” loosely though, because Australia is fast descending into a number of separate countries, courtesy of Covid-19….. But enough of that. I felt it incumbent upon me, however, to respond to your Brisbane correspondent’s contribution. I apologize in advance to Bill Wordsworth for pinching the structure of one of his better works.”

When it comes to poetic scones, these Aussies are certainly putting us Brits to shame. And yes, that’s a challenge!

Ordinary, Scones

Kerrera Tea Garden – Again

22 April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

The government’s Department of Weasel Words has gone into overdrive trying to justify their pathetic response to coronavirus and the BBC has taken to only reporting on NHS England. Should we be surprised? Well, back in 2018, we were at the Kerrera Tea Garden and as you will see we were still smarting from being cheated out of Scotland’s independence in 2014. The defeat was brought about by a coalition of Labour, Conservative and media lies. What really surprised us the most was that we were surprised. We knew they could stoop very low, just not that low. Anyway, let’s go back two years.

When it comes to Scottish Independence many people who voted NO in the 2014 referendum have been posting on social media “My Journey to YES”. Well, this is similar but, of course, it’s more “Our journey to a SCONE”! Let us explain. Some scones can be relatively difficult to come by but that is generally down to cost e.g. Claridges, the Connaught, rather than geographical location.

Gallanach Ferry from the Isle of Kerrera — Gallanach Ferry only takes 12 people, no cars. If you are number 13 you have to wait for it to come back. We had to wait for it to come back three times

Getting there

Getting to the Kerrera Tea Garden, however, involves a road trip to Oban, a passenger ferry and then an hour’s walk over rough hill track. That’s just to get there … and the same back! There is nothing along the way other than sheep but luckily they have easy to follow signposts to guide the weary traveller. Although the day was quite cloudy it was hot so by the time we came on that last sign we were extremely relieved. Stomach and arthritic joints were screaming for sustenance and rest.

The Kerrera Tea Garden is exactly what it says. A fairly large garden in which there are lots of tables where you can sit and have tea. If the weather ever gets inclement, perish the thought, there is the Byre, a rustic but charming converted cowshed.

Inside the Byre at the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera — The Byre

Sacre Bleu

We were attended to by a very mannerly young chap who was obviously not a local. He was from Singapore and was studying law in London. Goodness knows how he found his way here for a summer job? The scones are made fresh every morning so after a light lunch we thought they should be sampled. We couldn’t come all this way and not sample the scones after all! Unfortunately, they were a tad disappointing. Just a little on the solid side and with a slightly sweet taste that wasn’t to our liking. They weren’t bad but not a topscone. Pity, because everything else about this place is fantastic. If you ever get the chance you should definitely visit, it’s worth the effort.

When we arrived there was a party of six French folks who were explaining that they just wanted coffee because they had their own sandwiches … mais non, sacre blue, mon Dieu! Perhaps it is just as well we are leaving the EU! They were politely told to take themselves off to yonder distant hill to have their picnic. When we were leaving they were making their way back for their coffee and didn’t seem at all putout. The Auld Alliance is intact!

View of Gylen Castle on the Isle of Kerrera — The ruined Gylen Castle overlooking the Firth of Lorne

We finished off our visit with the short walk from the Tea Garden to Gylen Castle which sits on the southern tip of the island. It was built in 1582 by the Clan MacDougall but was besieged then burned by Covenanters in 1647. Ironically the siege was successful because of a shortage of water. The castle’s spring was insufficient in the prevailing dry spell so the MacDougalls surrendered. The same would have happened today where we have almost forgotten what rain looks like! When William Turner visited in 1831, he was fascinated by the ruin and made several sketches of the castle which are now in London’s Tate Gallery.

View of Ben Cruachan from the Isle of Kerrera — Looking east with twin peaks of Ben Cruachan in the middle distance

Sheep talk

On our return walk to the ferry we were almost deafened at one point by sheep talking to each other. Their exact words were “baa, baa, baa, baa, baa.” The noise was incredible! We came to the conclusion that they must have been discussing the effects of Brexit on the Common Agricultural Policy. They were making much more sense than our Westminster parliamentarians! After Trump’s visit to see May in London and Putin in Helsinki, I said to Pat “I think Trump’s a very clever man“, then, when I saw the look on her face, had to explain that I had misspoken and what I actually meant to say was that he was a complete and utter idiot.

Ex KGB, Vladamir Putin is beginning to look like the only sane politician around and that says something! Our “journey to a scone” was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. A big fat YES to the Kerrera Tea Garden.
PA34 4SX tel: 01631 566367 Kerrera Tea Garden

ps: This is the only telephone box on the Isle of Kerrera and as you can see it is a K6. No manufacturer’s badge so it could be either Falkirk, Kirkintilloch or Glasgow in origin. Now it functions, not as a telephone box, but as the only shop on the island … selling postcards.

Telephone cables

If you found that interesting here is another little snippet that will be of interest to all those who have spent restless nights wondering where the first subsea transatlantic telephone cable came ashore in the UK. Well wonder no more, it was here at Little Horsehoe Bay on Kerrera in 1956. It operated until 1978. The other end was in Clarenville, Newfoundland. You can now rest easy.

View of first trans Atlantic telephone cable landing point on the Isle of Kerrera — Little Horseshoe Bay with Oban in the distance. In 1263 Horseshoe Bay housed a fleet of one hundred and twenty longship galleys under the command of Norwegian King Haakon 1. More recently, it provided all the lobsters for Cunard’s transatlantic liners.

Wilting

We met loads of tourists, some walking, some on bikes, all were complaining about the heat! They said that the publicity for holidays in Scotland had not prepared them for weeks of hot dry weather. C’est la vie … haste ye back!

These days, the Kerrera Tea Garden and that ‘journey to a scone’ seem almost otherworldly.

KERRERA SHED

With everyone preoccupied with social distancing, we don’t particularly want to get into a deep philosophical debate about sheds. However, “When is a shed, not a shed?”. For example, is a wooden garage not just a shed with big doors or do the doors define it as something else? Is a shed with large windows a summerhouse and therefore no longer a shed? We don’t know the answer but you will be relieved to hear that I don’t photograph garages or summerhouses even if they are still sheds.

A shed on the Isle of Kerrera — Okay, it’s a composting toilet .. but still a shed. Near the tearoom and Gylen Castle

I knew it was a mistake in our COVID-19 Newsflash post creating new categories willy-nilly however I did not expect my better half to join in. It raises yet another philosophical question “When is a scone not a scone?’. When it’s a cheese muffin, that’s when! These muffins were absolutely delicious but definitely not scones and shouldn’t really have a place on this blog however in the interests of domestic harmony here is the picture. To be fair, we managed to swap four cheese muffins for three of our neighbour’s tomato plants making one cheese muffin worth 0.75 tomato plants. Fantastic, a sign of the times perhaps?

All this isolation stuff has driven the world mad. We have even heard rumours of Texas folks baking scones … unbelievable! It’s just a rumour.

Dangers of crinoline dresses

Gentrification

A new experience

Agreements

Damned cows!

Memories

Travelling

Misunderstanding

Compassion

Sliding downhill

Making sense

A bit odd

Ownership?

We say ‘border, you say ‘boundary’

Promises, promises!

Happy New Year

Coffee and boller

What do you want?

30 minutes

The bandwagon of bolshieness

Argh!!

The rules, the rules

The scones, the scones

Hash, hash, hash!

Car doors

Snagging lists

Poetic scones

Normality?

Sugar Kelp

Mairi Mackenzie

Social places

Getting there

Sacre Bleu

Sheep talk

Telephone cables

Wilting

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics