Tag Archives: edinburgh

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Balcony Café

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What with wall to wall coverage of the coronavirus and its possible development into a pandemic, we get the feeling that we should not really be travelling anywhere. In fact, we get the feeling that we should maybe go into self-quarantine behind boarded-up doors and windows. Given that ordinary flu kills thousands in the UK each year we can’t help feeling that the current hysteria is becoming a tad overhyped. However, after careful consideration we thought the short hop from Falkirk to Edinburgh would not breach any major international guidelines or regulations. We are so glad that we don’t have any coughs of sniffles at the moment, otherwise, I’m sure we would get an entire carriage to ourselves on the train. Anyway, happily, we made it to Edinburgh, the National Museum of Scotland and eventually to the Balcony Café.

The main atrium at the Royal Scottish Museum, Edinburgh

All sorts

We have been here before on several occasions but it’s always full of surprises. Just when you think you have seen it all you turn a corner there is another cavernous hall packed with everything from elephants, totem poles, tyrannosaurs and lighthouses. But you’ve all been to museums like this before. What you really want to know about is the scone exhibits … right?

The Balcony Café at the Royal Scottish Museum, EdinburghThere are three restaurants that we know of here, there may be more. The Balcony Café is on the 3rd floor and the seating area is strung out along the length of the balcony in the grand hall. In common with lots of places like this, it’s self-service.

A gallery at the Nation Museum of Scotland
Another hall crammed with animals of every kind.

We got a couple of sandwiches and a scone to share. It was great to see that everything here, the butter, the jam, the cream were all from Scotland, See, it’s not difficult! We can never understand why big public institutions like the National Trust for Scotland don’t sell any Scottish stuff in their cafés. It’s always disappointing for visitors who come from far and wide to this wonderful country only to be served Irish, English, French or American products. Nothing wrong with the products per se … just not here where we have lots of our own top quality scone accompaniments.

A scone at the Royal Scottish Museum, EdinburghWe liked all the Scottish stuff but when we looked at the scone we had doubts. It appeared quite solid and slightly strange in colour. Once again, however, we had to eat our words as well as the scone. It was delicious! A little bit unusual in texture and with maybe a slight hint of ginger but none the worse for it. Had it not been for the rather surly self-service, this may well have been another topscone.

Globalisation

Visiting places like this museum does heighten your awareness of what a rich and varied world we live in. The rapid spread of the coronavirus outbreak also makes you aware of how small it is. Without the ease of travel, we have all come to enjoy over the past fifty or so years, the spread of viruses like this would be much easier to control. Greta Thunberg, leading a school strike in Brighton the other day, also makes you very aware of how delicate our tiny world is. When Pat and I were at school, large parts of the world were still unexplored. Now if someone sneezes in China we may all expect to be sneezing within days … that’s globalisation.The Balcony Café at the Royal Scottish Museum, Edinburgh

Assuming, for a moment that the world does survive, it’s still debatable if the UK is going to survive Brexit far less Megxit. On top of that, we now have the unprecedented exit of the previously unknown, Sir Philip Rutnam as boss of the Home Office to further complicate things. It was always on the cards when the odious Priti Patel was made Home Secretary, that this would happen. When we look around for someone to blame, of course, we need to look no further than ourselves … the voters. Not us, of course, we always vote correctly. Given the current state of play in the UK, moving around the museum gazing at all the past sophisticated, complex civilisations that have become extinct,  it’s not exactly encouraging. Maybe if we buy a face mask everything will be fine?

EH1 1JF                   tel: 0131 247 4084               NMS

///ankle,drama.dine

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The Elephant House

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Welcome to the Elephant House, “The Birthplace of Harry Potter”. As far as Pat and I are concerned, we are aware of Harry Potter but that’s about it. Our knowledge and enthusiasm do not extend much beyond that.

picture of an elephant
One of the many elephant pictures at the Elephant House. This one eyeing up our scones

At the moment, however, we have two mini people living with us and for them, it is a different story entirely. They worship the very ground Harry walks on. And they are not the only ones. Legions of similarly minded people descend on this place simply because JK Rowling wrote some of the books in the backroom of this café. To be fair, other authors used it as well. Ian Rankin of Rebus fame and Alexander McCall-Smith who wrote the No1 Ladies Detective Agency to name but two.

Internal view of the Elephant House, EdinburghThe Harry Potter phenomena

But it’s the Harry Potter fame that has done for this place. It’s a veritable Mecca for Potter fans who make pilgrimages from all over the world, China in particular. The menu is printed in English and Chinese and there’s a mountain of memorabilia for sale. It’s quite a big café but we still had to wait about twenty minutes to be seated. The days of it being a hang out for aspiring authors have long gone. Even if they could get in, the atmosphere is pretty frenetic and hardly conducive to creative thinking. Having said that, it’s not difficult to imagine Rowling sitting here, gazing out the window at Edinburgh Castle and coming up with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She eventually gave rise to the most successful book series of all time. Apparently it’s worth £4bn to the UK economy. Amazing!

A scone at the Elephant House, EdinburghThat’s all very well but would Harry have waved his magic wand over the scones? Well, he may well have done, they were very good.  Someone commented, “the service is so slow in here, anyone could write a book.” However, we found that, although the staff seemed to be run off their feet, they remained remarkably cheerful amidst the general busyness. The scones came with prepacked jam and a nice little bowl of clotted cream. Normally we like a bit of crunchiness to our scones but these were none the worse for being soft throughout. Our mini people gave the final verdict, thumbs up and a chorus of “we love scones” … topscone!

Graffiti in the toilets of the Elephant House
The owners have given up repainting the toilets. Potter fans scrawl their messages everywhere

This is certainly not the cheapest café in town but if there is a constant queue of people wanting to get in you can probably charge whatever you like.

The Harry Potter stories are about the gentle polite underdog eventually triumphing over evil. At the moment we desperately need Harry to go up against the current UK government and their draconian immigration policies. Unbelievable considering every one of them are either immigrants or the offspring of immigrants. The demented Prime Minister, Boris Johnson was born in the USA of Turkish descent; the Hindu Chancellor, Rishi Sunak’s parents were from Punjab; the loathsome Home Secretary, Priti Patel’s parents were Ugandan Indian and the deranged First Secretary of State, Dominic Raab’s were from Czechoslovakia. Their families have been welcomed into Britain in the past but now they are pulling up the ladder! If they get their way the Elephant House, along with every other restaurant in Edinburgh, won’t have any staff. Harry will have to work extra hard on his magical anti-fascist spells.

EH1 1EN      tel: 0131 220 5355       Elephant House

///spike.hurry.thank

Scones, Top

Palm Court

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Well, here we are, our first scone since leaving Europe. The choice was either to go into some sort of maudling inward-looking period of navel-gazing or go out and have a scone. Afternoon tea graphic at the Palm CourtGuess which one we chose? In addition, we felt that we might as well celebrate our newfound freedom from the civilising influences of our EU friends with something a bit posh. Hence you find us closeted in the rather sumptuous confines of the Palm Court in Edinburgh’s Balmoral Hotel.

The exterior of the hotel is a marvelous confection in stone (Balmoral means “the majestic dwelling” in Gaelic) and the inside is equally elaborate. However, if you are one of those who only feel truly relaxed in the surroundings of a greasy spoon diner, this is not the place for you. On our long sconological journey, we have come to tolerate sumptuous surroundings like this with relative ease. The benefits of perseverance.

Palm Court logoWe’re here because one of the advantages of writing a scone blog is that friends and family tend to buy us gifts in line with our interests … and, as you know, we have very narrow interests. So it was on this occasion, a complimentary champagne afternoon tea … yeah! Many thanks to our benefactors. We were on time. The hotel is perched above Waverley Station so the clock is always set three minutes fast as an aid to travellers trying to catch a train. Hogmanay is the one exception in the year when it is spot on.

Famous faces

Internal view of the Palm Court, Balmoral HotelFilm stars, Prime Ministers and Royalty have all stayed here, so of course, we felt at home straight away. Suite 552 is even named after JK Rowling who wrote her final Harry Potter novel here. Once we had got past the suitably suited and booted doorman we were welcomed by a lovely young lady called Lucy. She hailed from Menton in the south of France, a part of the world we know quite well. Monte Carlo and all that! A few months back we even posted a scone from the Scotch Tea House in Nice. champagne afternoon teaAnyway, Lucy had been doing a hospitality course back home and when she finished she chose Scotland for her first real job. We warmed to her immediately. She settled us in and soon had us sorted with a couple of glasses of Charles Heidsieck champs while we perused the tea menu.

Tea pouring ceremony at Palm CourtI opted for the Cloud tea for no other reason than that’s where all my personal data resides. Pat went for 2nd flush … not sure why. We’re not great tea connoisseurs. However, it’s nice to try new ones every now and again even though we always revert back to good old breakfast tea. When ours arrived another young lady shattered our nerves by pouring the boiling water into the teapots from a great height. Not sure if that enhances the taste in any way but it certainly gave the whole procedure an air of high drama. She didn’t spill a drop!

Three tiers

Normally, with an afternoon tea, everything comes on a three-tier cake stand. Savouries on the bottom, scones in the middle and cakes on top. Not here! We did get the cake stand but all three tiers were laden with savoury items … it was only the first course. Everything was delicious.Scones at the Palm Court, Balmoral Hotel, EdinburghLater we got the second course – the scones. As expected there were two each and they came beautifully warm, lightly dusted with icing sugar and presented with lots of jam and clotted cream. Meanwhile, Lucy refreshed our teapots and generally ensured that we lacked for nothing. Unsurprisingly, perhaps the scones were fab and what with the surroundings and the harpist playing in the small juliet balcony above our heads, we almost felt as if we were in Verona. It wasn’t that difficult a decision to make … topscone!

gifts at the Balmoral Hotel, Edinburgh
A parting gift of tea, chocolates and mini ice cream cones.
Good taste

It was so civilised as we lingered under the palm trees sipping champagne, eating scones and being pampered by Lucy. We could easily have believed we are still in Europe. Thoughts of bush fires, coronavirus, Boris’s lies, Trump’s lies, Syria, and climate change were banished to someplace far far away. Later, when we were preparing to rejoin the real world we asked Lucy if she would return to the south of France after her placement here was finished. She replied, “No, I plan to stay in Scotland, I really love it”. It’s true, the French really do have good taste! Even we had to admit – if this is what being out of Europe is like, it’s not that bad!

Wellington statue, Princes Street
The Duke of Wellington pointing at the clock and saying “that clock is three minutes fast”.

EH2 2EQ.       tel: 0131 556 2414         Balmoral

///driven.behind.insist

ps Thanks go to one of our New Zealand correspondents. They sent photos of a scone extravaganza that recently took place at Papanui Club Bowling Club in Christchurch. Scones at Papanui Bowling Club, Christchurch, NZThat’s a lot of scones!

Ordinary, Scones

The Rose Café

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Logo of the Rose Café, EdinburghWe used to live in Edinburgh and were well acquainted with its varied nightlife. It was a surprise, therefore, to discover that there was a theatre on Rose Street. We had never heard of it. Upon investigation it became clear that when we lived here it wasn’t a theatre at all, it was the Charlotte Baptist Chapel. Not somewhere we would have frequented back then or, indeed, at any time. In 2012 the congregation gave it up in favour of a more suitable venue a short distance away. It wasn’t until Danish ballet dancer Peter Schaufuss bought it in 2017 that it became a theatre. It has several auditoriums, a studio, a rehearsal room and a café – the Rose Café.

We were in Edinburgh to see a movie called “Knives Out” at the Cameo Picturehouse. An excellent whodunit that Agatha Christie would have been proud of. Go see, if you get the chance.Internal view of the Rose Café, EdinburghSince we were in town, however, we thought we should check out the Rose Café as well. It turns out that the basement of the theatre is actually run as a kind of Comedy Club for aspiring comedians. A local production company called Gilded Balloon is in charge of organising things and they promote dance and music events in other parts of the theatre throughout the year.

Black marks

The café is quite big with a variety of seating areas. Since it was quiet when we arrived we chose to luxuriate on some large comfortable sofas tucked away in a corner. We were fortunate thougA scone at the Rose Café, Edinburghh because soon it become very busy indeed. Fruit or plain scones were on offer so, after some excellent lunch, we opted for fruit. Mon dieu! When they arrived they were preloaded and you all know what we think about that sort of nonsense. It does save you all that cutting and spreading business but we still prefer to just do it ourselves. No cream either but apart from these black marks the scones themselves were good … not top but good.

The staff were very helpful and friendly and we enjoyed sitting reading all the promotional material about upcoming events. It was great to make ourselves familiar with a place that, up until today, we had no idea existed. We even booked up for an event next April!Internal view of the Rose Café, Edinburgh

We take our collective hats off to Danish ballet dancers. They seem to be willing to invest vast amounts of their own money in the Scottish arts scene. Indeed Peter Schaufuss has just bought yet another huge venue, St Stephen’s Church. It will become another performance venue in the city similar to this Rose theatre. There can’t be anything more uncertain than running a theatre where you are for ever at the mercy of a fickle public. In the run up to election day on December 12, it seems to be the other way round … the public at the mercy of fickle politicians. When nothing in modern politics can be taken at face value it is almost impossible to predict what might happen with any certainty.

Christmas at the Dome, Edinburgh
Christmas at the Dome in Edinburgh
Incomprehensible

Given that there is little in the way of a credible opposition, there is only one absolute certainty. Scotland will, yet again, end up being governed by a party for which it has never ever voted. Unbelievably, some Scottish people have so little faith in their own country and countrymen, they are willing to vote for far right extremists like the current Conservatives. All to ensure that Scotland maintains it’s status as the only country in the world governed by another, different country. Totally inexplicable … thank goodness for ballet dancers!

EH2 4AZ         tel: 0131 226 4000        Rose Theatre Café

///upset.client.popped

Falkirk Made Friends K6ps We have mentioned in the past that our local town, Falkirk, was in danger of losing all its K6 telephone boxes. That was in spite of them all being manufactured right here. A group of ‘the concerned’ (Falkirk Made Friends) has at last managed to persuade the Council to adopt three thus saving them from immediate removal. A small but significant step. We will keep you posted.

Falkirk Made Friends is a small campaigning organisation (non violent) celebrating Falkirk’s rich manufacturing heritage.

Scones, Top

Fingal

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Fingal logoAfter our visit to Titanic Belfast we have aquired the nautical bug. This time we are staying aboard the Fingal, a floating hotel moored in Port of Leith. Now before you jump to the conclusion that we just move from one luxurious hotel to another like a couple of itinerant millionaires, let us set the record straight. It’s not like that at all. Well, maybe a little bit but not that much. And we only do it with good reason. It’s a special day for Pat and, of course there’s always the potential for a scone along the way. We are doing it for you, our sconey readers … no, really! If you come on pictures that make it look as if we are enjoying ourselves it is simply to help ease your conscience.

Pat beside the Fingal
Pat about to board
Challenging scones

Now we are not going to lie and tell you this was some sort of old bathtub of a boat. It wasn’t. Probably about as far away as it’s possible to get from that description. It has a beautiful ballroom and a glass lift that automatically compensates for any movement of the ship. So, not too bathtubish! The bottle of ice cold Moet & Chandon in our room completely dispelled any lingering doubts. Tempting though a glass of champs was, duty called. We knew we could get an afternoon tea on board but neither of us felt able for such indulgence late in the afternoon and risk spoiling our appetite for the evening. Interior view mof the Fingal, LeithA cup of tea and a scone would be just fine. Although, for the management, this was going slightly ‘off piste’, nothing was too much trouble.

Scottish stuff

Ours scones were beautifully presented and they even gave us a few finger sandwiches, just to tide us over. You all know by now that our sconological benchmark is a cream tea at Fonab Castle in Pitlochry. Perfect scones, perfectly presented in beautiful surroundings … the best scones in the world. Scones on board the FingalIn over 300 scones reviewed on this blog, Fonab has never really been seriously challenged … until now!

Fingal’s chef Brendan had produced scones that, at long last, could easily give Fonab a run for its money. Nicely presented, they were warm and had that delightful light crunchy exterior and the soft inner that we crave in a topscone. There was a fruit and a plain one for each of us but they were precisely the right size, so no problem. We could not fault them. They came with jam from Galloway Lodge Preserves in Gatehouse of Fleet and even the butter came from the Edinburgh Butter Company in Stockbridge. It’s so easy to present quality Scottish products like this. We are constantly amazed that so many Scottish establishments source their products from everywhere but Scotland. Well done Fingal, the easiest topscone we have awarded in a long time. You may take pride of place along side Fonab Castle … that’s quite an achievement.

To the Shore

We could have stayed on board for dinner however the ship is only a few minutes walk from the Shore area of Leith where there are loads of excellent waterside pubs and restaurants. A spot of exploring was called for! We had a quick drink at Sofi’s and then an excellent meal at The Ship on the Shore. The light had almost gone as we made our way back to the mother ship.

On the deck of the Fingal
A life on the ocean wave … ignore the buildings in the background
Man sized scones

Today is the 75th anniversary of the D-Day Landings however Fingal is far too young to remember any of that. She was built in 1963 in Glasgow and spent her whole life supplying remote lighthouses around Scotland. Each very comfortable cabin is named after a lighthouse. Ours was Lismore which coincidentally was a lighthouse with which we became very familiar when we experienced Kiki’s man-sized raspberry scones on the Isle of Lismore.

Pat with old friend at the dockside
Pat relaxes with a new friend on a late evening return to Fingal

Today is also the day that Donald Trump leaves the UK after his state visit. It’s probably also the last day that Theresa May will make a public appearance as Prime Minister. Huge sighs of relief all round.

Fingal was a great experience and Charlotte, Catriona and all the staff made it great fun as well. We would thoroughly recommend it to all itinerant millionaires.

EH6 7DX          tel: 0131 357 5000          Fingal Hotel

///cloud.aims.wing

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Forest Hills Revisited

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The last time we were at Forest Hills was back in August 2016. Britain was still reeling from the result of the Brexit referendum, David Cameron had vanished into thin air and the Tories were desperately trying to save their party. Not a lot has changed. Back then, however, we had the media and the politician’s favourite distraction … the Olympics. The masses enter a kind of stupefied state where nothing else really matters. While we were at Forest Hills, Team GB had famously beaten Team Vanuatu in the hop,skip and jump event. As we leave the EU this Friday we need another momentous moment like that to distract us from impending disaster. It’s not really a disaster, life will go on, it’s just that we rather like being European. Infinitely preferable to being British with our arcane systems of government.

Ah well, even if we could arrange an Olympics or even a Commonwealth Games before Friday we would have to let everyone beat us … at everything! Otherwise they might not trade with us! And, after we leave Europe, we might be dependent on Vanuatu for goodness sake!

Correspondents

Anyway, you are all very familiar with our international network of correspondents by now. They expand our sconological research to parts that we simply cannot reach.  Sometimes the odd telephone box creeps in as well. Our Trossachs correspondents, of course, are amongst the most adventurous. They could pop up in Gibraltar or Lithuania or Basseterre or Argentina or even 38,000 feet up in the air … there is simply no telling. Today, however, they are back in their natural habitat. They have invited us to help celebrate their wedding anniversary in Kinlochard. We were staying in the hotel but the celebrations were being held in the village hall. While we were waiting for the festivities to begin we thought we should check that scone standards had not slipped since our previous review. Internal view of the Forest Hills Hotel, Kinlochard

Scones at the Forest Hills Hotel, KinlochardWe were relatively early so had the whole lounge to ourselves. Sitting in front of a wonderful log fire our beautifully warmed scones were presented with lots of jam and a generous pot of whipped cream complete with strawberry. What’s not to like? The tea and coffee were all excellent and the scones were just the right size with that lovely crunchy outer and fabulous soft inner. Delighted to report that Forest Hills has indeed retained its topscone award … well done! Of course, we would expect no less from a ‘MacDonald’ Hotel.

Gluten free?

Later, along with about fifty other revellers we had a fabulous evening of eating and drinking with music supplied by the excellent Chapter Four folk band. When it came to the ceilidh, suffice to say that many willows were stripped with all the usual sophisticated aplomb accorded to that particular dance. Scones at the Kinlochard Village HallBack at the hotel, we retired to bed, happy but exhausted. Next day, however, saw us at the village hall again. This time it was to partake of scones …. gluten free scones, another first for us. Oh, dear, two scones in as many days! They had been made specially by a local lady who has a gluten free diet. Delicious but, of course, we couldn’t make an award … there’s no way for readers to access them.

Great way to round off the weekend’s celebrations though and for everyone to say their farewells. Congratulations and huge thanks to our super generous hosts. When they come down off cloud nine we hope they remember to get back to their sconey day jobs.

Farewell to Europe

‘Farewell to Europe’ (should be a lament for the bagpipes) is probably not going to happen on Friday. At least we don’t think it will actually happen on that day … who knows, nobody knows, it might, it might not? It’s like the UK has decided to commit suicide but can’t make up its mind how to do it! It wouldn’t be so bad if it just hurt us but it could also wreck the Irish economy and potentially start ‘the troubles’ all over again. That’s bad! Hopefully, what with all the delays, they will eventually realise that suicide isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

FK8 3TL    tel: 0344 879 9057      MacDonald Forest Hills Hotel & Spa

///taxpayers.globe.woof

ps: We are always keen to promote new correspondents and were delighted to receive this report from our rookie ‘wildlife correspondents’. They venture into all sorts of out of the way places in pursuit of flora and fauna. Hence they found themselves in the Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh having afternoon tea when their fledgling sconological urges kicked in and drove them to file their first report. Scones at the Balmoral Hotel, Edinburgh

Although they did not feel sufficiently qualified to formally award a topscone they, nevertheless, could not imagine a scone being any ‘topper’. A very promising start, our rookies showing definite potential. Many thanks L&R. We will, of course, endeavour to deliver an official verdict. That is once we have saved up enough to enter the Balmoral’s hallowed halls.

K 6 telephone box in Oxfordpps: The Pedant has just filed a report on this somewhat delapidated  Lion Foundry K6 in Oxford. It goes under the What3 Words code of ///loved.lonely.vivid which rather belies its appearance and its location in the centre of the city. He didn’t say if it was operational but it looks like it may have been used to relay instructions to the Oxford team in the boat race last Sunday.

Ordinary, Scones

The Bay Hotel

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What a guy, what a hero, what a romantic! He had just seen off the Vikings at the Battle of Largs. Now, here he was riding from Edinburgh to Kinghorn on a dark stormy night to be with his wife on her birthday the following day. The Milk Tray Man would have been proud.

King Alexander III monument near the Bay Hotel at Pettycur Bay
The Alexander III monument near Kinghorn where he died on 18 March 1286
Birthday celebrations

It was not to be, however. His horse fell and he was found dead on the shore the following morning. Alexander III, the last Celtic King of Scots had been advised that the ride from Edinburgh was too dangerous. But would he listen? All Alexander’s three children died young so he left no heirs. The period of instability that followed would eventually lead to war with England. Oh no, not again! When Alexander died Queen Yolande was left waiting in Kinghorn having a memorable birthday for all the wrong reasons. Out of respect for her husband she would not have been sampling scones here at the Bay Hotel. We were however! Not out of disrespect you understand, just plain necessity!The terrace at the Bay Hotel at Pettycur Bay

Cream teas

After an exhilarating walk through the rocks and along the sand dodging plummeting witches (more of that later), we were in need of refreshment. A scone at the Bay Hotel at Pettycur BayWe had spotted the Bay Hotel from the beach so we made our way there. It’s a strange kind of place. Probably set up to  cater for the huge caravan park that surrounds it. It has a leisure centre with a beautiful swimming pool but we were only looking for one thing … and it wasn’t a swim.

A fruit scone was no problem but when we inquired about cream they asked if we would prefer a cream tea . A cream tea it was. The terrace looking over the river towards Edinburgh on the far shore was very tempting. However, lovely day as it was, still the middle of January so we opted for inside. Interior view of the Bay Hotel at Pettycur BayThe restaurant was obviously designed to cater for a multitude rather than just us and one or two others. A little bit soulless. Although not a topscone we thoroughly enjoyed it. We should have sat outside though … the Vikings would have!

Suffice to say that we had a much more enjoyable day in Kinghorn than Queen Yolande.

New profession

We came to Kinghorn for a walk along the beach at Pettycur. It’s all rather beautiful, especially on a day like today. However, we were not that far from the Clock Tower Café in Pittenweem where attentive readers will remember the fate of poor Janet Cornfoot. Yes, this is that part of Scotland where, at one time,  all women must have lived in fear of their lives. Hard to imagine that this little town gave rise to a brand new profession  … witch-pricking! The holders of these witch-pricking jobs, usually the local clergy, were responsible for inserting long wires into alleged witches in search of pain sensitivity and the presence of blood?? They were also responsible for interpreting the results. Let’s hazard a guess. If they found no blood and no sensitivity to pain, that would indeed have been a witch. Probably didn’t work like that though.
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View towards Edinburgh from the Bay Hotel at Pettycur Bay
Vie from the Bay … Arthur’s Seat in the middle distance

Kinghorn was a centre for witchcraft trials so most of the skilled witch-prickers were based there. As we walked along the beach we could look up at the ring inserted in the cliff face to which witches were chained and burned. If leniency was being shown they were only half burned before being thrown to their deaths while still chained to the ring. The sudden stop snapped them in half.

The logo of the Bay Hotel at Pettycur BayMany of these witches were accused of meeting with the Devil and, in most of those allegations, the Devil was disguised as a man. Goodness, surely not? Anyway, in 1644, Katherine Wallenge was the last poor woman to be treated in this vile manner.  Consequently, all witch-prickers became redundant. Except? No it couldn’t be! We wonder if a modern form of witch-pricking has been resurrected in Westminster.

Return of the witch-prickers

Theresa May must feel a bit like Katherine Wallenge with all her colleagues sticking it to her. However, when it comes to Brexit, Theresa’s mantra that only her deal can deliver the Brexit that ‘the people’ voted for overlooks one vital fact. The people didn’t vote for some highfalutin deal with the satanic EU. Based on the garbage they had been fed by the politicians and media they just wanted OUT… simple! So unless she delivers a hard Brexit she will have failed to deliver what ‘the people’ voted for. “Stop all this silly bickering and get on with it” is what they would say. Of course it would result in the biggest act of self-harm in recorded history. Not exactly sure how they would measure it but we can almost see the Guinness Book of Records folk gathering surreptitiously in the background.

KY3 9YE      tel: 01592 892222          The Bay

Telephone news

You’ll never guess what we found round the back of the Bay Hotel. Please don’t ask why we were round there. Yes, you’re right, a K8 telephone box. The K7, like the K5 never made it into production so the K6 which we all know and love was followed, in 1968, by the K8. Made entirely of cast iron, about 11,000 were produced. Now there are only 54 registered as still in existence. Wonder if this one is registered? It was in bad shape but was still proudly wearing the Lion Foundry badge. Okay, okay, we really do need to get a life. K8 telephone box to the rear of the Bay Hotel at Pettycur BayWhile we are on the subject The Pedant has kindly sent a photo of a fully functioning K6 in Stow-on-the-Wold. Made in Falkirk … yeagh, quality!K6 telephone box in Stow in the Wold

Ordinary, Scones

The Scotsman Grand Café

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We had popped in here, to what used to be the offices of the Scotsman newspaper, on a previous occasion. Impressed with the gracious surroundings and the helpfulness of the staff we vowed to visit again. The Grand Café is their restaurant area and they do a mini afternoon tea for mini people and it just so happened that today we had such a mini person accompanying us. So after phoning to book two cream teas and a mini afternoon tea we jumped on the train to Edinburgh full of excited anticipation. When we arrived they checked our booking and read it back to us … excellent! What could go wrong? Internal view of the Grand Café, Scotsman Hotel, Edinburgh

Where are the cream teas?

Then a waiter arrived at our table to find out what we wanted?? We repeated our order then he asked if we would like a gin drink or champagne with it. Unexpected but because we were in a happy mood we thought we would have the champagne. It arrived fairly promptly and then we waited .. and waited …… and waited. After watching people who came in well after us tucking into large lunches we had to ask what had happened to ours and were assured that it was being prepared. Eh, it’s a couple of scones and some jam!! Anyway, eventually they came with a mini afternoon tea and afternoon tea for two?? What happened to our cream teas?

Waiting area at the toilets at the Grand Café, Scotsman Hotel, Edinburgh
Waiting area at the toilets
Sounds of gun fire

The boss lady was summoned and she said that we had champagne so we had to have afternoon tea … arrgghh! We told her that we had given the same order umpteen times and that the waiter had then asked us if we wanted champagne. To which we gave the obvious if somewhat predictable answer. Obviously something had been lost in the eastern european translation. A scone at the Grand Café, Scotsman Hotel, EdinburghThe afternoon teas, which had taken so long to prepare, were whisked away and replaced, shortly thereafter, by our two cream teas accompanied with profuse apologies. We thought we heard the slightly muffled sound of a waiter being shot but luckily he soon reappeared.

More please

All this was extremely disappointing because we had had high hopes for this place and the prolonged wait would have seemed even longer had we not had a mini person to amuse us. There was a plain and a fruit scone with each cream tea and they were quite big which meant that there was only enough jam for one … we had to ask for more. To make matters even worse the scones were delicious … what a dilemma! If it hadn’t been for the veritable catalogue of mistakes they would easily have merited a topscone but sadly not on this occasion.

To top it all off, when the bill arrived, although they had kindly given us a substantial discount they still got it wrong, they had overcharged! Logo of the Grand Café, Scotsman Hotel, EdinburghIf this all this sounds like a complete disaster, it wasn’t … we did in fact have a very enjoyable afternoon but that was largely due to a five year old’s funny observations. The Grand Café is a beautiful place with its marbled halls and chandeliers. They certainly knew how to build newspaper offices back in 1905 when the Scotsman produced its first edition. Apparently we were sitting in what used to be the editorial section.

Left hand, right hand

As social media takes over from traditional print the newspaper industry everywhere is seeing plummeting circulation figures and the Scotsman is no exception. It is currently up for sale. The only newspaper with expanding circulation in Scotland is the National, the only one that supports independence. Anyway, we’re sure that we just had an unlucky experience at the Grand Café. The left hand simply didn’t seem to know what the right hand was doing. A bit like the Conservative party’s handling of Brexit.External view of the Grand Café, Scotsman Hotel, EdinburghEH1 1TR          tel: 0131 622 2999        Grand Café

ps our Middle East correspondent has sent in a report from Ireland. We know it’s not in the middle east but he gets around. This time he has unearthed an albino K6 in County Wicklow in Eire.

K6 telephone box outside Jonny Fox's piub in County Wicklow, Eire
Johnny Fox’s pub … K6 on far right

K6 telephone box outside Jonny Fox's piub in County Wicklow, Eire

Made in Kirkintilloch, the fact that it is outside Johnny Fox’s pub, world famous for its Hooley Night is entirely coincidental.

Ordinary, Scones

Scottish Storytelling Centre

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The few readers who actually pay any attention to these blog posts will be very aware that the person we would most like to invite to one of our dinner parties would be the ‘Master of Life’, Robert Bontine Cunninghame Graham. Indeed, four of our previous posts have come about as a direct result of Graham’s stories: Stuarts of Buckhaven, Liz MacGregor’s Coffee Shop, Brodies of Moffat and The Gallery Café.

Friedrich Engels, Oscar Wilde and Buffalo Bill were among his many friends. One of the finest authors in the English language, Joseph Conrad (who could never be described as having led a dull life) commented on Graham “when I think of you I feel as tho’ I have lived all my life in a dark hole“. Graham died in 1936 but in Argentina he is still regarded as a national hero, affectionately known as Don Roberto. In Scotland, being directly related to King Robert II, he had the best claim to become King of Scotland. Perhaps it is appropriate that we end up here, in the Scottish Storytelling Centre, to hear stories about him.

Important scones

The Cunninghame Graham Society, which is dedicated to promoting his memory, had organised a talk about the great man. Okay, okay, we hear you cry, “but did he like scones?” In all the literature written about Graham we have not come across any reference to scones. However he was a man of exceptionally high intellect and good taste so he would undoubtedly have placed great importance on them.

We had never heard of the Storytelling Centre but when they said it was part of John Knox’s house  on the Royal Mile (the white building centre stage in the title photo) we knew exactly where it was. And what a fantastic place it is. A modern complex of exhibition and performance areas dedicated to the art of storytelling and … a café!

What better way to spend our time waiting for the talk to begin than having a scone. A scone at the Scottish Storytelling Centre, EdinburghObviously, trying to get a completely fresh scone at seven in the evening is a bit of a tall order however the one we were sharing was not at all bad. Plenty of  fruit and quite light in texture. It came with a pot of jam and, the bane of our lives, a pack of Rhodda’s Cornish clotted cream. Perfectly good cream but all the way from Cornwall to this bastion of Scottishness?? Anyway, although it was nowhere near a topscone, we thoroughly enjoyed what we had and would certainly return.

Argentine tango

Although he was in the House of Commons for six years, Cunninghame Graham hated all politicians. He was often asked to withdraw from the House due to his unparliamentary behaviour.Interior view of the Scottish Storytelling Centre, Edinburgh Goodness knows what he would make of today’s unprincipled and spineless inhabitants of the Palace of Westminster. He would be  enraged that the poverty he fought against so vigorously at Westminster in the 1890s still exists. The necessity of food banks, even for those in work. He would have been heartened, however, that progress has been made towards an independent Scotland. However mystified by the time it is taking. His own stories, whether they be about a couple dancing an Argentine tango in Beunos Aires or a dismal funeral in Scotland, remain as vivid as this large picture hanging in the Centre … ‘A Mile Of Stories’ by Julie Lacome.

A Mile Of Stories by Julie Lacome at the Scottish Storytelling Centre,
Part of an effort to revive the Old Town as a living community. “Heave awa, we’re no deid yet”.

EH1 1SR.     tel: 0131 556 9579       Scottish Storytelling Centre

Scones, self-service, Top

Café Zest – Jenners

Jenners department store is a kind of Scottish ‘Harrods’. In fact until last week it was owned by House of Fraser which, at o

by Royal appointment coat of arms, Jenners Edinburgh
by Royal appointment – but the latin “no one provokes me with impunity” is a tad confrontational

ne time, also owned Harrods. According to the  large crest on the wall it’s where the Queen shops when she’s in town? This establishment has been gracing Edinburgh’s Princes Street for 180 years now and has survived many traumas along the way.

Takeover

Today, however, it is under threat like never before with the House of Fraser being brought out of administration by Mike Ashley, of Sports Direct fame. Or infamy? The price for 31 stores, a measly £90m. True to form Ashley has not taken on any of the debts or pension responsibilities. It remains to be seen what will happen to the stores of which this is only one. Ashley’s reputation for cutting  costs and playing fast and lose with conditions of employment does not bode well.

Hence we felt that, if we were ever to have a scone in Jenners, perhaps we should do it sooner rather than later. Of course we blame Margaret Thatcher. Then again we blame Margaret Thatcher for everything. She managed to make avarice respectable and created today’s environment where it is okay for unabashed corporate greed to masquerade as ‘good business’. No one else, however, seemed willing to take House of Fraser on so perhaps we do Mr Ashley an injustice. Let’s hope he can at least save some of the stores and jobs. Enough trivia, what about the scones? Sign for Café Zest, Jenners in Edinburgh

Gourmet scones

There are several cafés and restaurants in the store but for some reason we found ourselves in Café Zest on the 5th floor. Probably because the lift took us there. The space is slightly odd. It has comfortable armchairs at one end and slightly utilitarian chairs forming the main body of the café. Internal view of Café Zest, Jenners in EdinburghNeedless to say there was hardly anyone sitting on these so everyone was squeezed in at one end … on the comfy chairs! Why do they not simply provide armchairs everywhere? They are self evidently what folk prefer! A gourmet scone at Jenners, EdinburghThey had plain scones and fruit scones but we were excited by the prospect of the ‘gourmet scone’ as it was labeled on the self service counter. Poster for Scones at Jenners, Edinburgh
No idea what constitutes a gourmet scone but obviously we had to find out. It came with a little pot of the ubiquitous Tiptree jam and a generous bowl of whipped cream. We don’t usually award topscones to self service places since the service and presentation all form part of the overall scone experience. However, on this occasion, we felt that it should at least have a ‘top self service’ scone award. It was delicious. We still don’t know what constitutes a gourmet scone. There was certainly different kinds of fruit together with some other things, nuts perhaps, which gave it a delightfully sweet crunchiness. It was finished all too soon!

As we walked down through the floors we discovered another two restaurants on the 3rd floor. One, a sort of deli café, by the well known ‘Valvona and Crolla‘ and another one, slightly more upmarket, which was simply called ‘Jenners’.

Internal view of Jenners Restaurant, Jenners in Edinburgh
Jenners – 3rd floor resaurant
Rumanian opinions

As Jenners struggles with the inevitable advance of online shopping, problems in the retail industry are not hard to find. Indeed, we hear of another high street brand going to the wall almost every week. If, like us, you bemoan the sorry state of the High Street while simultaneously doing much of your shopping via your computer then you will also know that we have only ourselves to blame. Internal view of Jenners in EdinburghWhen we asked the Rumanian sales assistant on the second floor if she thought the store would survive she simply replied “of course it will survive”. With its illustrious 180 year history and gourmet scones, let’s hope she is right!

EH2 2YJ       tel: 0131 2602316        Café Zest