Tag Archives: Donald Trump

Scones, Top

Knockinaam Lodge Hotel

As you already know we are always ready to go that extra mile in the cause of sconology no matter how much discomfort and distress this may cause. This post is no exception and Knockinaam Lodge Hotel is where it’s at. Lying in its own little cove in the cliffs just south of Portpatrick, it is very private. So private in fact that we had difficulty finding it. So private that Churchill and Eisenhower planned the D-Day landings here. When you get here you kind of get the feeling that nothing has changed much in the intervening years. You can almost see Churchill sitting in the big  leather fireside armchair, whisky and cigar in hand. Knockinaam Lodge Hotel dining room and barAt the reception desk we were initially concerned that our room did not appear on the communication system. However they assured us that all we had to do was pick up the phone and they would attend to our every need … phew!

Servants bells at Knockinaam Lodge Hotel, Mull of Galloway
Our room didn’t have a bell
Reminiscing
Knockinaam has that comfortable homely feel about it which makes it the perfect place to chillax. And that was exactly what we had in mind. No swimming pool but its own beach in Port of Spittal Bay more than made up for that. We could sit there looking over the North Channel toward Northern Ireland and reminisce on the many happy years we spent living there … bless!Knockinaam Lodge Hotel beach over looking Port of Spittal Bay
Silver dishes

But enough of our bleating, we are here and we will just have to make the best of it. Lets get to the scones. We would have loved to have had afternoon tea however our schedule simply made that impossible. Instead we just had tea and a scone. We had been warned that the scones were big so we shared. A scone at Knockinaam Lodge Hotel, Mull of GallowaySeated in front of a lovely log fire when the scone came it was beautifully presented with crisp linen napkins and lots of jam and cream in silver dishes. There was absolutely nothing to complain about here … a very easy topscone. If you ever visit Portpatrick there is a three mile cliff top path that takes you to Knockinaam and this, or afternoon tea, would be a perfect stop before the return journey.

Shenanigans

You have probably guessed by now that we are not exactly roughing it. However, in order to bring you the full spectrum of scone news we do feel obliged to come to places like this from time to time. Entirely on your behalf you understand! Sitting here, you can’t help but wonder what the Churchill and Eisenhower of old would have made of today’s political shenanigans between Trump, May, Putin and Assad. We think that they, like us, would have been aghast. If one has to wonder about such things, however, this is definitely the place to do it. We thoroughly recommend Knockinaam. It could have been the six course dinners every night. Perhaps the wonderful staff. It could have been the beautiful rooms. In fact it could have been just about anything, it was all good … and a great scone.View of Knockinaam Lodge Hotel from the shoreDG9 9AD     tel: 01776 810471     Knockinaam Lodge

Scones, Top, weird

Wild Olive Tree Café

. If you can’t see anything resembling a café in the above picture that’s because it’s hidden. Hidden within the St George’s Tron Church, the rather large pointy building sitting centre stage. The Church of Scotland opened it in 1808 and it’s still going strong today. We had heard a rumour about this church. The rumour could have been about all the fantastic work they do in conjunction with the Glasgow City Mission and the Bethany Christian Trust to help the most vulnerable people in Glasgow. As explained to us at some length by ‘big Andy’. A lovely bloke who seems to take care of everything here. The rumour could also have been about their ‘gifted soup/coffee’ scheme. You can buy an extra coffee or soup which they then offer to people who can’t afford them. The rumour might even have been about their green credentials or the fact that all their bread comes from the Freedom Bakery in Low Moss prison. But no, it wasn’t any of those.

Would you adam ‘n eve it, it was about scones! We had heard from a very well respected source that their scones were worthy of inspection. That’s what drew us in here. Yes, we are are actually that shallow! Recently the congregation and the Church of Scotland spent over £3m refurbishing the whole building and The Wild Olive Tree Café came about as part of that redevelopment. Internal view of St George's Tron Church and the Wild Olive Tree Café in Glasgow

Cheddar and sunflower seed

It is intended to provide a place of quiet sanctuary. Away from the hustle, bustle and general madness going on just outside the door in Scotland’s busiest shopping street. In here, the almost serene atmosphere, seems like another world. The café specialises in soup, scones and cakes … what more would you want? As for scones there was a choice of:

  • Spiced Sultana
  • Apricot Date & Vanilla
  • Cheddar & Sunflower seed
  • Goats Cheese & Caramelised Onion … wow, and all freshly baked!

I opted for the the spiced sultana and Pat went for the cheddar and sunflower seed. Both were wonderful. Scones at the Wild Olive Tree Café in St George's Tron Church, GlasgowMine had a lovely crunchiness on the outside and deliciously spiced on the inside … never before tasted a scone like it! Pat’s was beautifully cheesy with a lovely crunch courtesy of the sunflower seeds. There wasn’t anything not to like about the whole experience … nice surroundings, friendly service, good presentation and fantastic scones. Even my drink was Dear Green Coffee, roasted right here in the beating heart of Glasgow … excellent! These were definitely the best scones we have had in ages. No problem awarding a topscone here.

In many ways this place reminded us of our recent visit to the Glasgow Gurdwara where our Sikh friends were also doing lots of good work with the needy. The only problem with both this place and the Gurdwara is that they are required at all. Britain is one of the richest oil producing countries in the world yet there are still thousands of people here and in every other major city who are on the breadline. How come? The lowest state pension of any developed country in the world doesn’t help. Lots of old folk living in poverty and hopelessness.

Painting of the Last Supper by I.D. Campbell at St George's Tron Church and the Wild Olive Tree Café in Glasgow
The Last Supper using guests at the Glasgow City Mission as models
Remember me

This eight foot long painting hangs in the café and kind of encapsulates the situation. It is a depiction, by the artist-in-residence Iain Campbell, of the Last Supper featuring Jesus among men who have fallen on hard times.  We have seen the original Last Supper by Da Vinci in Milan but this version seems much more powerful … sorry Leonardo! At the supper Jesus said “remember me” but somehow all these men seem totally forgotten. Jesus is one of them … you pick! Meanwhile our wonderful government can still spend billions on weapons of mass destruction and, at this very moment, are actively contemplating going to war with Syria? Trump and May haven’t had a war yet so it’s probably to be expected. On whose behalf would they go to war … certainly not these guys, they’ve got much more immediate things to worry about!

Internal view of St George's Tron Church and the Wild Olive Tree Café in Glasgow
the Wild Olive Tree … pruned to within an inch of its life
G1 2JX            tel: 0141 248 2049           Wild Olive Tree Café
ps: To be or not to be … the Pedant has sent us a picture of a brace of K6 telephone boxes in Stratford upon Avon. The question is, are they protecting that wastepaper bin or are they taking it into custody?Two K6 telephoe boxes in Stratford-upon-Avon

 

Ordinary, Scones

The Portonian Bakery

This is a bit of a nostalgia trip for us, or at least for me … and it’s only three miles from home! In spite of the short distance we hardly ever visit Grangemouth because it’s not the place it used to be. Not that a town whose main feature is a petrochemical refinery was ever a must-see destination for anyone. Having said that, Grangemouth during the day unfortunately always looks like Grangemouth but at night, if you squidge your eyes a bit, with all its myriad of twinkly lights, it looks like Vegas.

General dogsbody

Back in the good old days, however, it did have a lot more going for it. I started my working life directly across from the Portonian Bakery & Tea Rooms in what was then Lumley Street. The architect Philip Cocker, in his offices next to the Bon Accord pub, was my lucky employer. I was head dogsbody. Used and abused by all the staff but it was a great, I thoroughly enjoyed my time there. At lunchtime we could wander down to the refinery, then owned by BP, and use their excellent canteen facilities. Not sure we were supposed to be there but, in those days, no one seemed to mind. After work, on the way home, you could take a wee detour through the docks gazing up at the ships. Wondering where they had come from and where they were going to next.

Today, everything is very different and none of it for the better. Cocker’s and the Bon Accord no longer exist. In fact Lumley Street itself has disappeared, replaced by the awful concrete edifice that is the La Porte Precinct shopping centre. The refinery, now Ineos, is still there but owned by one man and there is no way he is going to allow you anywhere near the place never mind let you in for lunch. The docks are fenced off … Bin Laden saw to that. As Trump so eloquently puts it … sad! Internal view of the Portonian Bakery and Tea Room in Grangemouth

When I worked across the road, the 60s style building that now houses The Portonian Bakery & Tea Rooms was a Victorian tenement with shops on the ground floor and houses above accessed by open spiral stone stairs round the back. The tearoom gets its name from the fact that natives of Grangemouth are referred to as Portonians.

Price wars

Already depressed by the state of the shopping centre we came in here for a spot of lunch. At first, it didn’t do much to lighten our mood. The multinational Costa coffee house across the road was strangely empty but this place was busy busy. What was going on? Eventually we worked out that it had to be down to price. We had a light lunch of sandwiches and a scone with coffee and a peppermint tea for the price of a couple of coffees in Costa. If it’s a price war that’s going on we know who is winning. That did lighten the mood considerably. A scone at the Portonian Bakery and Tea Room in GrangemouthWith it being a bakery we had relatively high hopes that the scones would be topnotch. They were good but with an overall softness which is not to our own particular taste.

Now, answer this question … why are packs of frozen butter so often served with soft scones?? Unless you put them in your trouser pocket our down your cleavage for a couple of minutes it is nigh on impossible to spread them. In the end they were okay but probably not as good as their strawberry tarts. We didn’t have any strawberry tarts but we thought the picture might stimulate your salivary glands.Strawberry tarts at the Portonian Bakery and Tea Room in Grangemouth

Battle of Grangemouth

Since Westminster has been going about bullying other countries into agreeing with them about how utterly dastardly Russia is, there has been barely a mention of Brexit. As distraction politics goes it has worked perfectly … what next? In 2013, politics, or at least Labour politics, took a bit of a bashing here in Grangemouth in what became known in some quarters as the Battle of Grangemouth. Not a battle as such, more of an almighty industrial dispute. It did mark the moment however when the labour movement finally lost its way. It descended into factionalism and Jim Ratcliffe, the owner of Ineos, rode off into the sunset with a grin like the proverbial Cheshire cat.

Even with Corbyn in charge, the Labour party still has not found its way. The other day they voted with the Conservatives to oust the popularly elected SNP administration in our own Falkirk Council … unbelievable. Poor old Keir Hardie, would be spinning in his grave. Nice as this trip down memory lane was we probably won’t be back anytime soon … too many memories.

FK3 8AW         no telephone          Portonian Bakery & Tea Rooms FB

Ordinary, Scones

Brian’s Café

Yesterday morning we were back at the Hippodrome in Bo’ness to see The Shape Of Water. An unexpectedly enjoyable film. It’s really a love fantasy but it also turns out to be surprisingly topical. The Americans had captured a unique South American water monster with peculiarly human characteristics. Honestly, it’s better than it sounds! Rather than let the US acquire any  advantage by studying the beast and unearthing its secrets the Russians, in the form of KGB agents, plotted to kill it with a lethal injection. Have you heard of any similar stories recently?

It is amusing to see the media in a frenzy wondering where the nerve agents directed against Sergei Skripal and his daughter could have come from. Without ever mentioning the world’s biggest stockpile of such chemical weapons at Porton Down. Only eight miles from Salisbury where Skripal was found. Interior view of Brian's Café in BonessAll fingers seem to be pointing at Vladimir Putin however and probably with good reason.

Have you noticed a rather worrying trend among world leaders recently? Putin, who unexpectedly came to power because Boris Yeltsin hadn’t enough blood in his vodka system, now finds himself drunk on power itself. He has manufactured a situation where he can remain in power indefinitely. Likewise with President Xi of China. Power is a great corrupter and both men now seem to think that they are omnipotent. Meanwhile, back in the USA, President Trump  knows he is omnipotent but, unlike Putin and Xi, hasn’t yet worked out a scam to keep the job for a life. Watch this space. Theresa May on the other hand will be forced to keep her job for life whether she likes it or not simply because it’s such a mess no one else wants it. Interior view of Brian's Café in Boness

Serafini family

Enough of all that. Just across the road from the Hippodrome is the imaginatively named Brian’s Cafe which, would you believe it, is owned by a chap called Brian, surname Curry. Its outward appearance is somewhat uninspiring and we did not have high hopes as we entered. A scone at Brian's Café in BonessThe interior is pleasant enough though and the staff were very friendly and helpful.

We were soon settled down with some tea and sharing a fruit scone. Okay, we sometimes indulge in reckless extravagance! There was no cream and the butter and jam were prepackaged but the scone itself was very good, not quite a topscone but pretty close.  The café has lots of what appeared to be family photographs hanging on the walls. When we asked about them we ended up being introduced to Brian himself. He had been sitting at another table with some friends. He’s a lovely guy who proceeded to take us round and explain his family history. Turns out that he is part of the Serafini family who not only had a cafe in Bo’ness but operated the York Café in Falkirk, a place we know very well.

Serafini family group from Brian's Café in Bo'ness
Serafini family from Barga. Brian’s aunt, Annie Curry, married Nathaniel (2nd from left, back row)

 

 

 

 

Scots locked up

What amazed us was that Brian’s aunt, a Bo’nessian born and bred, had married a Serafini and as a result was interned during WWII. It had never before occurred to us that Scots were also interned simply because of their association with Italians … unbelievable!

The Serafini's original café and their fish and chip van
The Serafini’s original café in Bo’ness  … and their fish and chip van c1950s

It was great listening to the many delightful childhood stories Brian had to tell. A far cry from today’s world of all-powerful autocrats and dastardly subterfuge.

EH51 0AA       tel: 01506 823815       Brian’s Café TA

p.s. News of an even bigger controversy came to us the other day courtesy of our correspondent, the Stenibrainfart. He reported that the National Trust in England had organised a cream tea at one of their venues in Cornwall and to publicise it they used a picture of a scone with a dollop of jam on top of the cream … arrgghh! National Trust picture of a cream tea scone

Now all self respecting sconeys worth their salt know that that is how they do it in Devon … and it’s just plain wrong! It is definitely not how they do it in Cornwall. Cornish folks have reportedly been resigning their NT membership in droves. A #JamFirst badgeThey felt so strongly they even produced #JamFirst badges to support the cause. Well done Cornwall, you tell ’em!

Scones, Top

Fenwicks of Linlithgow

The car had to go for a service at our garage in Bo’ness and when we dropped it off they kindly gave us a lift the mile or so into Linlithgow. That meant we could go for a walk round the loch. Although the loch was partially frozen it was a nice day … ideal for a wee walk.

View across Linlithgow loch to the Palace
Looking towards Linlithgow Palace and the spire of St Michael’s church

The path, of course, is circular so it wasn’t too long before we found ourselves back in the town and feeling more than a little peckish.

We’ve had several scones in Linlithgow in the past however this one, Fenwicks of Linlithgow was new to us, it had to be done. As soon as we walked in we were aware of a lively bustling atmosphere, always a good sign!Internal view of Fenwicks of LinlithgowWe weren’t disappointed, everything was excellent. After a delicious light lunch we decided to share one of the fairly large home made fruit scones.  A scone at Fenwicks of LinlithgowIt came with lots of butter, jam and cream with a fresh raspberry on top. Totally unnecessary but a nice touch. Suffice to say that we liked everything about this place. We would not hesitate to go back next time we are in town. Probably the next time our car needs some attention.

Global warming

All too soon however it was time to venture out into the cold once more. If Donald Trump needs any further proof of global warming he need look no further than Linlithgow. This polar bear has obviously been left stranded by the receding ice cap … obviously! Polar bear stuck up a tree in LinlithgowEven more evidence was provided in the form of a painting in the Black Bitch pub where we were waiting to be picked up again.  In 1848 the loch must have been seriously frozen to allow so many people onto the ice for this bonspeil. It was obviously much colder back then … obviously! What more proof do you need Donald?? Do you think he reads ‘the scones’?

The Grand Match at Linlithgow Loch 1849 by Charles Lees
The Grand Match at Linlithgow Loch 1848 by Charles Lees

The garage duly picked us up from the Black Bitch and we were reunited with our car which they had restored to peak condition. An all round good day.

EH49 7EJ     tel: 01506 238580      Fenwicks of Linlithgow FB

Ordinary, Scones

Riverhill Coffee Bar

We got the call to say that a tiny flower made of plaster (don’t ask), ordered well before Christmas, had arrived at the Wm Boyle shop in Glasgow. We decided to pick it up rather than risk it in the post. Lo and behold, right beside the station at Pollockshields East railway station is this place. The Glasgow Gurdwara … impressive or what?External view of the Gurdwara Sikh temple in Pollockshields Religious, we are not, but we are curious about things we don’t understand. The building alone looked worthy of investigation. We knew that Sikhs wore turbans but that was about that in terms of our knowledge of Sikhism. Enlightenment beckoned.

The alter at the Gurdwara Sikh temple in Pollockshields
The alter with the covered book of scriptures (Guru Granth Sahib) on top
Wonderful lunch

We were welcomed with open arms. Once we had given up our shoes, washed our hands and donned some headgear we were ushered in and given a complete tour of the entire building. Even though there was only the two of us! It was fascinating. We are not going to attempt to explain Sikhism here but suffice to say we now have a much better understanding. Our lasting impression though was of the warmth shown to us by everyone we met. We even received a wonderful lunch … chapatis but no scones! Internal view of Riverhill Coffee Shop, Glasgow

Shawarma wraps

Having collected the little flower and bade a fond farewell to our new Sikh friends we found ourselves back at Glasgow Central station. Just around the corner, is this place, the Riverhill Coffee House. We thought that it too might be worthy of investigation. At first we thought we were continuing our eastern theme because their signature dish is shawarma wraps, which we thought sounded rather Indian but turns out to be Arabic. Our ignorance really knows no bounds! We quickly reverted to type though and opted to put the only scone they had left out of its miserable loneliness. Riverhill classes itself as “exotically Scottish” … an oxymoron if ever there was one. However, after our recent experience at Kilmahog, this place restored our sagging faith. Lots of helpful smiling youngsters, eager to help and all Scottish, hurragh! A scone at Riverhill Coffee Shop, Glasgow

 It used to be a jewellery shop until the owners decided to forsake diamonds for coffee, cakes and scones. A bold but totally understandable decision. They make everything fresh daily so our scone was good and although they didn’t have cream there was certainly plenty of butter and jam. Not quite a topscone but good effort and great to see a place like this seriously taking on the multinationals at their own game.

Turban for Trump

With Donald Trump cancelling his visit to London to open the new American embassy for fear of ugly protests we think he should come and visit the Glasgow Gurdwara instead. Sikhs believe that the way to lead a good life is to a) keep God in heart and mind at all times b) live honestly and work hard c) treat everyone equally d) be generous to the less fortunate e) serve others. Turban for Mr Trump!

On the way home on the train we had a fascinating conversation with ‘Colin’ who hailed from the Isle of Kerrera and was on his way to Germany to visit family. The little plaster flower eventually arrived back home, safe and sound, after an interesting day.

G1 3PU     tel: 0141 204 4762      Riverhill Coffee Bar

Ordinary, Scones

Kilmahog Woollen Mill

Firstly, let us wish you all a good new year, may it be a great one! In spite of all the dodgy politics. Now, what you have all been waiting for … the first scone of 2018!

It wasn’t the balmy -1°C temperature that drove us in here in search of woolly underpants. Rather that we were out and about on a beautiful sunny day enjoying the scenery and this is where we ended up … purely by accident. It was a bit nippy though! For those unfamiliar with Kilmahog (quite a few we suspect) it is just outside Callander at the junction of the Trossachs and Lochearnhead roads.

Queen Victoria

It’s a tiny hamlet of just a few houses yet manages to sport two woollen mills. The Trossachs Woollen Mill and the Kilmahog Woollen Mill as well as a pub (The Lade Inn) with its own microbrewery. At one time the Oban railway ran through here but it is now a cycle track and popular as part of the Rob Roy Way. Still standing at the road junction is the 19th-century toll-house where Queen Victoria once had to cough up some money in order to continue her journey.

Samson's putting stone near Kilmahog
Samson’s putting stone on Bochastle hill

 

Best of all though, on the small hill opposite Kilmahog there is a massive rock, known locally as Samson’s Putting Stone. Legend has it that, Samson, one of the Fingalian giants threw it  three miles, from his home on Ben Ledi during a competition with rival giants. Some say he actually threw it from Ben Lawers … a phenomenal twenty three miles.  Yet others say it is a glacial erratic left by a receding glacier. To us, this latter explanation seems slightly far fetched. One thing is clear, these giants did not tidy up after their games! The woollen mill itself is pretty big and, of course, stuffed full of everything tartan you could imagine. Yes, underpants! Internal view of Kilmahog Woollen Mill

Too Scottish

The café part is quite big as well and obviously is set up to deal with bus parties in the summer. When it’s busy you probably would not notice the rather utilitarian nature of the place. However, when it’s quiet it becomes rather obvious. The service was what we would normally describe as ‘surly‘ and far too Scottish for our liking. With Brexit on the horizon we had better get used to it. No more of our eastern european friends eager to work and giving excellent happy service. What an idiotic world we live in! A scone at Kilmahog Woollen Mill

On the upside, our somewhat low scone expectations were confounded when it turned out to be surprisingly good. Fresh and slightly crunchy on the outside. They charged a fortune for the jam but the cream was plentiful and good. On its own, this could have maybe squeezed into the topscone category but the overall experience let it down badly … shame!

Expectations

Expectations were further confused by a warning sign in the toilets. It seemed to suggest that you would only get hot water if the wind was blowing from a certain direction, or the moWarning notice at Kilmahog Woollen Millon was aligned with Mars. Or, maybe it was simply down to Samson being in a good mood … who knows? It certainly heightened anticipation when using the cold tap. So our first scone adventure of the year at Kilmahog Woollen Mill had mixed outcomes. Good to be on the hunt once more on such a lovely day. However, a frustratingly disappointing scone experience over all. Things can only get better! Or maybe not?

Oprah for President

As Theresa May gets on with rearranging the deckchairs we hope that at least she, unlike the local giants, will at least tidy up after herself because it is bound to end up in a mess no matter how much she shuffles them. In the USA, Oprah Winfrey is thinking of running against Donald Trump. We have no wish to take anything away from Ms Winfrey but how on earth did it get to this?

FK17 8HD    Tel: 01877 330268    Kilmahog Woollen Mill TA

Scones, Uncategorized

2017 scones

Because we have been badly neglecting our sconological duties of late we thought we should at least do something for the festive season. Just to remind readers that we are still alive and wish them all the best for Christmas and 2018. This post is simply to do that rather than bring you a new exciting scone …. sorry! We certainly haven’t eaten 2017 scones. Though by the time we get through the festive season we may feel as if we have. Some of our correspondents, however, have been much more diligent.

Posh place specialists

The title picture was sent by our London correspondents. Since it is almost two years since we reported from Claridge’s they thought that they should check that standards had not slipped in our absence. They are posh-place specialists and elected to take  our latest granddaughter, aged 5 days, along as an adjudicator in the event of a split decision. Thankfully, everything was hunkydory and the new arrival did not have to be pressed into service … phew!! A K2 sandwich server

Our old friend, the Pedant, found a website that bemoans the use of weird objects to serve food on rather than plates. It is aptly named www.wewantplates.com. He also pointed out, given our interest in such things, what he thought might be a good way to serve scones. A miniature telephone box (K2) used to bring little sandwiches to the table. Thanks for the suggestion but we want plates as well!

During the past year we have had the great pleasure of visiting many lovely parts of the UK and discovering lots of wonderful scones. And, of course, some not so wonderful. Have we learned anything in our travels? Notably, we came to the conclusion that scones improve the further north you go. We realise that sconeys in Devon and Cornwall might find this contentious. However it has to be said that in the far north, including our visit to Orkney, we found nothing but topscones.

Phone boxes

We were also pleased that readers took such an interest in what became something of a hot-topic. Telephone boxes and, in particular, where they were manufactured, Falkirk, Glasgow or Kirkintilloch. We received pictures of K6s from as far afield as Buenos Aires and Tel Aviv.

A K6 telephone box on South Ronaldsay
A Kirkintilloch K6 telephone box in splendid isolation near Quoyeden on South Ronaldsay

On our own travels we came on many K6s reinvented as libraries, defibrillator stations and greenhouses. A sign of the times perhaps that even in the most remote locations they no longer serve their original purpose. It’s called progress but that is not something that abounds these days.

Headless chickens

Quite the opposite in fact, at times the whole world seems to be going backwards. The only constant seems to be that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. As Theresa May loses yet more of her cabinet colleagues you might be forgiven for thinking that our Brexit negotiations might as well be conducted by headless chickens. Even though they claim to be making progress you cannot help but ask yourself what progress turkeys voting for Christmas can actually make? Forgive all the poultry analogies, it’s that time of year.

Elsewhere, after all the kerfuffle over Catalonia, it looks like ending up back exactly where it started with a cessationist government. Spain has headless chickens as well! On the other side of the pond, Donald Trump impersonators continue to do better impressions of The Donald than he does of himself. And you might be better off taking them more seriously. Perhaps the world would be better governed by headless chickens. Or is it already? Is that what we are not understanding?

On that cheery note we will bid you a fond farewell for this year. Thanks to to all our readers. And a special thanks to all our correspondents  who venture fearlessly into the world’s nether regions on your behalf.  And for 2018, may all your scones be top ones.

island, Scones, Top

The Strynd Tearoom

The wind is still blowing with wicked enthusiasm. In spite of that, our plan for today is to visit the west of Mainland … Skara Brae and all that, and end up in Kirkwall, the capital. Most sconeys will know something of the rich archaeology of Orkney.

Skara Brae and Skaill House at Sandwick on Orkney
5000 year old Skara Brae neolithic village with Skaill House in the distance

Up here they were building houses and having a high old time of it long before things like the Pyramids and Stonehenge had even been thought of. However, our abiding memory of Skara Brae will be of getting sandblasted by the wind coming off the beach. Certainly gives you a rosy complexion. Road sign to the village of Twatt, Orkney

Stormy weather at Skara Brae at Sandwick on Orkney
Orkney weather is dramatic and changes every five minutes

 

 

Another problem with the wind is holding your binoculars steady enough to identify birds.

We had no problem though with a brilliant view of a female hen harrier not far from Skara Brae. It is a thrill to see these relatively rare birds because they rather stupidly nest on the ground. As a result, their young usually fall foul of predators before they can fledge. Pat’s list is now over forty which she is thrilled about. However, her joy was such that it was all I could do to stop her stealing a road sign to one of the local villages. Completely cobweb free, we eventually made it to Kirkwall and the Strynd Tearoom. Interior view of the Strynd Tearoom, Kirkwall, Orkney
Go north for scones

Like Stromness, Kirkwall also has lots of wee lanes and this tearoom takes its name from the lane where its located. When we asked how to pronounce ‘Strynd’. It seemed to be “Strand’ but with the strangulated pronunciation that maybe a South African would use. It is a tiny place but lovely and everything is home made. Once again we were made very welcome and once again our scones were excellent. A scone at the Strynd Tearoom, Kirkwall, OrkneyWe are developing a theory that the further north you go the better the scones are. We have had nothing but topscones recently. The Strynd scone was warm and served with nice pots of jam and cream. The scone itself looked as if it would be crunchy but wasn’t. It was gloriously soft and absolutely delicious … another topscone!

The Big Tree

Now, while most of you will have heard of the Ring of Brodgar and other Orcadian archaeological gems, how many of you have heard of The Big Tree? Or how many have heard of the Heimskringla? Thought so … let us explain.  The Big Tree in Broad Street, Kirkwall, Orkney

Heimskringla is a book of Old Norse sagas written in Iceland  in the 12th century … you’ve probably read it. The Big Tree is the only one left of three that were planted by Robert Laing, father of the Heimskringla’s translator, in his garden over 200 years ago. When they widened the main street by demolishing Laing’s walled garden this tree was left standing in the street. When you look at it you might wonder why its called The Big Tree? Well, in Orkney terms, it is! And it is obviously much loved. It still supports a luxurious head of leaves although largely hollow. And it is supported by steel girders inserted in its trunk to keep it upright.

DNA

What else has been happening in the big bad world while we have been enjoying ourselves on this island. Here, you quickly feel kind of snugly insulated from the outside world? The media is still largely ignoring the biggest political conference in the UK. The SNP conference. They are concentrating instead on the sexual indiscretions of a Hollywood director that few have heard of and no one could care less about.

Theresa May is still clinging on like a barnacle while Britain skillfully negotiates a “no deal‘, Brexit. Catalonia seems to have rather skillfully blindsided the Spanish government … for the moment! Trump’s big golf courses in Scotland seem to be loosing a fortune … bad! Scotland’s football team is no longer eligible for another pointless World Cup competition because of our DNA according to the manager … good! Well, well, well … the Big Tree has seen it all before.

Scapa distillery, Scapa, Orknay
Scapa distillery in the distance on the shores of Scapa Flow

KW15 1HG       tel: 01856 871552     The Strynd Tearoom

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Dobbies

It was way back in January that we got a tip-off about the scones at Dobbies Garden Centre just outside Stirling.

January, afternoon tea with two Dobbies scones

Our ever diligent Trossachs correspondents had bought some to take home only to find that they had been given some extra ones free. This was more than they could handle on their own, so they passed on a couple to us. We ate them as part of an afternoon tea we were having with some neighbours. At the time we thought they were rather good, if a little bit oversized. We had to split them up to make them more manageable for our guests. Since then, we have been promising ourselves that we would visit Dobbies and do a proper review. Seven months later, today is the day.

Internal view of the restaurant at Dobbies Garden Centre, Stirling
Just part of Dobbies’ restaurant
Automation

The garden centre is big and they have a restaurant to match. It is a little bit surprising to come in and find so many people out shopping and then to find a large restaurant which is equally busy. The servery area is also big. Rather than wait in a long queue we opted to go to the automated self service part. There is normally some sort of problem with these vending machines … and so it was. However the problem was not so much with the machine as with the operators.

Automatic coffee vending equipment at Dobbies Garden Centre, Stirling
Coffee machine about half way through delivering and it cannot be stopped

Basically, from the large array of cups, all of which looked identical to us, we selected what turned out to be a tea cup. Of course it was far too small for the quantity of coffee being delivered. A kind of Niagara situation ensued. We were a bit bemused by this until we noticed that there were similar but slightly larger ‘coffee’ cups … trauma over.

We had opted to share a cherry and coconut scone because they were all so large. Also we hadn’t actually tasted that particular combination before. Perhaps we should have stuck to what we know because we found this combo somewhat insipid. The tiny pieces of cherry were relatively few and far between and the coconut, although there, did not feature strongly enough. The scone itself was fine though, still too big for our taste. No topscone here but maybe the prize for the biggest.

Dressing like Ruth Davidson

The problem with Westminster and Holyrood being on holiday is that there is nothing much to report. Witness the BBC’s interminable coverage of athletics. But wait a minute, apparently the end of the world has just got a whole lot nigher. We should report that in case any sconeys get caught unaware. With the great big ‘Goliath’ madman in Washington threatening unimaginable fire and brimstone against the wee ‘David’ madman in Pyongyang who likes dressing up like Ruth Davidson, there may not be much time left. The big question. Will Scotland manage to become an ordinary self respecting  country before armageddon? The man in the know, Alex Salmond is predicting 4 years for independence but that may be too late.

Civilizing scones

HMRC has admitted that Scotland’s economy is actually £15b bigger than they had reported … oops. The latest figures showing that England ran a massive trade deficit in 2014 and 2015 whereas Scotland had an even greater surplus in those years. Perhaps we can just squeeze in a wee bit of self respect before we are all blown to smithereens. How to avoid complete annihilation? We think that Trump and Kim Jong should sit down together over afternoon tea. The civilising influence of a good scone cannot be overestimated and the size of the Dobbies’ scones should almost match their egos!

FK9 4UF     tel: 01786 458860     Dobbies Garden Centre

BREAKING NEWS: Our Tyrolean correspondents have lodged a report on what could possibly be the first ever scones to be baked in Austria. You heard it here first! They were in Scotland for a few days and became so obsessed with scones that when they returned home they baked some of their own ‘Austrian scones’. First scones to be baked in AustriaThey look good and by all accounts were good. No information on whether Austrians go jam or cream first. But together, dear readers, we are taking scones to the world. And the world will be a better place! Many thanks C and M.