What is now the elegant red sandstone St Paul’s Hotel started life as St Paul’s School, founded in 1509. Since then the school has occupied numerous locations. Currently it occupies a large site on the south side of the Thames near Hammersmith Bridge. Between 1884 and 1968, however, it was housed here on the other side of the river.  Like Eton and Gordonstoun, St Paul’s was designed to populate the government, civil service, diplomatic service and the armed forces with men who could maintain the Empire, They were also expected to keep their parents in the manner to which they had become accustomed. And, of course, keep the riffraff in their rightful place. Amongst its alumni are Samuel Pepys and George Osborne. Quite why they would admit to someone whose main achievement, as Chancellor of the Exchequer, was to double the national debt to £1.7 trillion, is quite beyond us.

SWALK

Luckily this rather beautiful building has found a renewed sense of purpose serving scones to the riffraff. Enter riffraff. The hotel has lots of beautiful rooms and, in what used to be the lecture theatre, General Eisenhower presented the final invasion plan to General Montgomery, King George VI and Winston Churchill just three weeks before the D-Day landings took place in 1944.

For our cream tea, however, we were ushered into the very comfortable Melody Restaurant & Bar. So called because the school provided the backdrop for the 1971 cult film about ‘puppy love’. The film is sometimes known as S.W.A.L.K (some of you will know what these letters stand for) and if you click on the poster and have an hour and forty three minutes to spare you can watch it. Though you would probably be better served just continuing to read this post.

Scone threesomes

The service in St Paul’s Hotel would best be described as ‘efficient’. Absolutely nothing wrong with it but maybe lacking a certain friendly personal touch that would make all the difference. Then again they can probably spot riffraff a mile off and are trained not to be overly effusive in their welcomes. They offer a range of teas and we elected, in true adventurous style, for Indian breakfast rather than English. Quite a good choice as it turned out. The presentation of the scones was as you would expect in such a place. Nice bowls of jam and cream, crisp linen napkins etc. The scones come in threes. Okay they’re quite small, and although some of them could never be described as ‘beautifully formed’, they were delicious … nicely warmed, crunchy on the outside with super soft centres, topped off with a light dusting of icing sugar. Fab … topscone!

Meeting in the forest

You cannot turn your back for a second! While we’ve been away Theresa May has ‘done’ Scotland on her “strong and stable – I am the one” general election tour of what she doubtless regards as ‘the provinces’. Lets face it the Tories see Scotland simply as a place to shoot grouse and store nuclear missiles. Oh, and a source of funding for all their fancy London projects. She really got down and dirty with the locals … not! Her only appearance was in a village hall in a forest near to that well known Labour stronghold of Crathes in Aberdeenshire. It had been surreptitiously booked for a children’s party. No shortage of balloons then? It is hard to imagine anything more pathetic. Okay, okay, George Osborne, but at least he has managed to get another job he knows nothing about, as editor of the Evening Standard?

W14 0QL            tel: 020 8846 9119                 St Paul’s