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Ordinary, Scones

Kerrera Tea Garden – Again

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The government’s Department of Weasel Words has gone into overdrive trying to justify their pathetic response to coronavirus and the BBC has taken to only reporting on NHS England. Should we be surprised? Well, back in 2018, we were at the Kerrera Tea Garden and as you will see we were still smarting from being cheated out of Scotland’s independence in 2014. The defeat was brought about by a coalition of Labour, Conservative and media lies. What really surprised us the most was that we were surprised. We knew they could stoop very low, just not that low. Anyway, let’s go back two years.

When it comes to Scottish Independence many people who voted NO in the 2014 referendum have been posting on social media “My Journey to YES”. Well, this is similar but, of course, it’s more “Our journey to a SCONE”! Let us explain. Some scones can be relatively difficult to come by but that is generally down to cost e.g. Claridges, the Connaught, rather than geographical location.

Gallanach Ferry from the Isle of Kerrera
Gallanach Ferry only takes 12 people, no cars. If you are number 13 you have to wait for it to come back. We had to wait for it to come back three times
Getting there

Getting to the Kerrera Tea Garden, however, involves a road trip to Oban, a passenger ferry and then an hour’s walk over rough hill track. That’s just to get there … and the same back! Signpost for the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of KerreraThere is nothing along the way other than sheep but luckily they have easy to follow signposts to guide the weary traveller. Although the day was quite cloudy it was hot so by the time we came on that last sign we were extremely relieved. Stomach and arthritic joints were screaming for sustenance and rest. External view of the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera

The Kerrera Tea Garden is exactly what it says. A fairly large garden in which there are lots of tables where you can sit and have tea. If the weather ever gets inclement, perish the thought, there is the Byre, a rustic but charming converted cowshed.

Inside the Byre at the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera
The Byre
Sacre Bleu

We were attended to by a very mannerly young chap who was obviously not a local. He was from Singapore and was studying law in London. Goodness knows how he found his way here for a summer job? A scone at the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of KerreraThe scones are made fresh every morning so after a light lunch we thought they should be sampled. We couldn’t come all this way and not sample the scones after all! Unfortunately, they were a tad disappointing. Just a little on the solid side and with a slightly sweet taste that wasn’t to our liking. They weren’t bad but not a topscone. Pity, because everything else about this place is fantastic. If you ever get the chance you should definitely visit, it’s worth the effort.

When we arrived there was a party of six French folks who were explaining that they just wanted coffee because they had their own sandwiches … mais non, sacre blue, mon Dieu! Perhaps it is just as well we are leaving the EU! They were politely told to take themselves off to yonder distant hill to have their picnic. When we were leaving they were making their way back for their coffee and didn’t seem at all putout. The Auld Alliance is intact!

View of Gylen Castle on the Isle of Kerrera
The ruined Gylen Castle overlooking the Firth of Lorne

We finished off our visit with the short walk from the Tea Garden to Gylen Castle which sits on the southern tip of the island. It was built in 1582 by the Clan MacDougall but was besieged then burned by Covenanters in 1647.  Ironically the siege was successful because of a shortage of water. The castle’s spring was insufficient in the prevailing dry spell so the MacDougalls surrendered. The same would have happened today where we have almost forgotten what rain looks like! When William Turner visited in 1831, he was fascinated by the ruin and made several sketches of the castle which are now in London’s Tate Gallery.

View of Ben Cruachan from the Isle of Kerrera
Looking east with twin peaks of Ben Cruachan in the middle distance
Sheep talk

On our return walk to the ferry we were almost deafened at one point by sheep talking to each other. Their exact words were “baa, baa, baa, baa, baa.” The noise was incredible! We came to the conclusion that they must have been discussing the effects of Brexit on the Common Agricultural Policy. They were making much more sense than our Westminster parliamentarians! After Trump’s visit to see May in London and Putin in Helsinki, I said to Pat “I think Trump’s a very clever man“, then, when I saw the look on her face, had to explain that I had misspoken and what I actually meant to say was that he was a complete and utter idiot.

Ex KGB, Vladamir Putin is beginning to look like the only sane politician around and that says something! Our “journey to a scone” was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. A big fat YES to the Kerrera Tea Garden.Logo for the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera
PA34 4SX      tel: 01631 566367         Kerrera Tea Garden

K6 telephone box on the Isle of Kerreraps: This is the only telephone box on the Isle of Kerrera and as you can see it is a K6. No manufacturer’s badge so it could be either Falkirk, Kirkintilloch or Glasgow in origin. Now it functions, not as a telephone box, but as the only shop on the island … selling postcards.

Telephone cables

If you found that interesting here is another little snippet that will be of interest to all those who have spent restless nights wondering where the first subsea transatlantic telephone cable came ashore in the UK. Well wonder no more, it was here at Little Horsehoe Bay on Kerrera in 1956. It operated until 1978. The other end was in Clarenville, Newfoundland. You can now rest easy.

View of first trans Atlantic telephone cable landing point on the Isle of Kerrera
Little Horseshoe Bay with Oban in the distance. In 1263 Horseshoe Bay housed a fleet of one hundred and twenty longship galleys under the command of Norwegian King Haakon 1. More recently, it provided all the lobsters for Cunard’s transatlantic liners.
Wilting

We met loads of tourists, some walking, some on bikes, all were complaining about the heat! They said that the publicity for holidays in Scotland had not prepared them for weeks of hot dry weather. C’est la vie … haste ye back!

These days, the Kerrera Tea Garden and that ‘journey to a scone’ seem almost otherworldly.

KERRERA SHED

With everyone preoccupied with social distancing, we don’t particularly want to get into a deep philosophical debate about sheds. However, “When is a shed, not a shed?”. For example, is a wooden garage not just a shed with big doors or do the doors define it as something else? Is a shed with large windows a summerhouse and therefore no longer a shed? We don’t know the answer but you will be relieved to hear that I don’t photograph garages or summerhouses even if they are still sheds. 

A shed on the Isle of Kerrera
Okay, it’s a composting toilet .. but still a shed. Near the tearoom and Gylen Castle

I knew it was a mistake in our COVID-19 Newsflash post creating new categories willy-nilly however I did not expect my better half to join in. It raises yet another philosophical question “When is a scone not a scone?’. When it’s a cheese muffin, that’s when! These muffins were absolutely delicious but definitely not scones and shouldn’t really have a place on this blog however in the interests of domestic harmony here is the picture. To be fair, we managed to swap four cheese muffins for three of our neighbour’s tomato plants making one cheese muffin worth 0.75 tomato plants. Fantastic, a sign of the times perhaps?Cheese muffins

 All this isolation stuff has driven the world mad. We have even heard rumours of Texas folks baking scones … unbelievable! It’s just a rumour.

english, Scones, Top

Orange Pekoe – Revisited

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A Christmas decoration at Orange Pekoe tea house in Barnes, LondonThe last time we reviewed a scone at Orange Pekoe the mighty David Cameron was in power. He had just bored a small child half to death with one of his storytelling photo opportunities. It was only a month to go before the EU referendum he had called to resolve all his political problems. Oh, if he had just waited for the result, what a story he could have told then! Except he mysteriously vanished and hasn’t been seen since?

Plonkers

We have come to the conclusion that the subsidies that schools like Eton, Harrow and Westminster enjoy should be withdrawn. They are supposed to produce fine upstanding leaders to rule over us and set an example to us ordinary folk who cannot afford such an elite education. Their primary purpose, of course, is to maintain the system whereby the country’s wealth is retained by them. In recent years, or perhaps always, they have failed completely in this relatively simply task. Instead they have produced a long line of plonkers. Plonkers or not, credit where credit’s due, they have managed to retain their wealth. Stop the privileges for the privileged we say! Interior view of Orange Pekoe tea house in Barnes, LondonRadical or what?

Anyway, enough of that. London is awash with eating places. Sometimes, however, in such cosmopolitan surroundings, a simple scone can be surprisingly difficult to find. As you know we have reviewed upmarket Claridge’s and top of the range Connaught but our favourite remains this tiny tea house in Barnes. It’s friendly and informal atmosphere is very reassuring. It’s always nice to be greeted with “just the usual” when you walk in after not having been near the place for months.  Naturally it serves wonderful food and, of course, a wide range of teas. A scone at Orange Pekoe tea house in Barnes, LondonWe come here a lot for breakfast but, since the last review was three years ago, we thought we should check the scones again on your behalf.

There was no need to worry our fruit scone came just as it had the last time, deliciously warm and with lots of everything to go with it. Ten out of ten for consistency and absolutely no problem awarding a topscone.

Panto

Orange Pekoe revisited means we are just a short hop up the Thames from the Palace of Westminster and coming up to Christmas it’s panto time again. Never mind Aladdin and Cinderella though the best pantomime this year is definitely here at Westminster … “will she, won’t she?”, “they’re behind you”! Our politics is all happening in typically chaotic pantomime fashion, only with none of the humour! No matter what the result is of tonight’s vote of no confidence in Theresa May, the Brexit pantomime looks set to continue indefinitely. Thank you Orange Pekoe for providing a strong and stable oasis of calm.

SW13 0PX      tel: 020 88766070       www.orangepekoeteas.com

Ordinary, Scones

Kerrera Tea Garden

When it comes to Scottish Independence many people who voted NO in the 2014 referendum have been posting on social media “My Journey to YES”. Well this is similar but, of course, it is more “Our journey to a SCONE”! Let us explain. Some scones can be relatively difficult to come by but that is generally down to cost e.g. Claridges, the Connaught, rather than geographical location.

Gallanach Ferry from the Isle of Kerrera
Gallanach Ferry only takes 12 people, no cars. If you are number 13 you have to wait for it to come back. We had to wait for it to come back three times
Getting there

Getting to the Kerrera Tea Garden  however involves a road trip to Oban, a ferry and then an hours walk over rough hill track. That’s just to get there … and the same back! Signpost for the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of KerreraThere is nothing along the way other than sheep but luckily they have easy to follow signposts to guide the weary traveller. Although the day was quite cloudy it was hot so by the time we came on that last sign we were extremely relieved. Stomach and arthritic joints were screaming for sustenance and rest. External view of the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera

The Kerrera Tea Garden is exactly what it says. A fairly large garden in which there are lots of tables where you can sit and have tea. If the weather ever gets inclement, perish the thought, there is the Byre, a rustic but charming converted cowshed.

Inside the Byre at the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera
The Byre
Sacre Blue

We were attended to by a very mannerly young chap who was obviously not a local. He was from Singapore and was studying law in London. Goodness knows how he found his way here for a summer job? A scone at the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of KerreraThe scones are made fresh every morning so after a light lunch we thought they should be sampled. We couldn’t come all this way and not sample the scones after all! Unfortunately they were a tad disappointing. Just a little on the solid side and with a slightly sweet taste that wasn’t to our liking. They weren’t bad but not a topscone. Pity, because everything else about this place is fantastic. If you ever get the chance you should definitely visit, it’s worth the effort.

When we arrived there was a party of six French folk who were explaining that they just wanted coffee because they had their own sandwiches … mais non, sacre blue, mon dieu! Perhaps it is just as well we are leaving the EU! They were politely told to take themselves off to thonder distant hill to have their picnic. When we were leaving they were making their way back for their coffee and didn’t seem at all put out. The Auld Alliance is intact!

View of Gylen Castle on the Isle of Kerrera
The ruined Gylen Castle overlooking the Firth of Lorne

 

buy cialis pill cute-n-tiny.com The blood supply into the erection containers made of spongy tissue called as corpus cavernosum to relax and smoothen. Epillsrx.com offers levitra best price at a 100% lowest-price guarantee, which ensures customers that they have received from the online course and it remains fresh and clear in the mind. Hair follicles have a sensitivity to DHT – so when the DHT is present in discover address now cialis cheapest the follicles, it makes them miniaturize – resulting in an abnormal production of the hormone adrenocorticotropin. This issue cialis canada generico might not be a matter of life and death in some extreme cases. We finished off our visit with the short walk from the Tea Garden to Gylen Castle which sits on the southern tip of the island. It was built in 1582 by the Clan MacDougall but was besieged then burned by Covenanters in 1647.  Ironically the siege was successful because of a shortage of water. The castle’s spring was insufficient in the prevailing dry spell so the MacDougalls surrendered. The same would have happened today where we have almost forgotten what rain looks like! When William Turner visited in 1831, he was fascinated by the ruin and made several sketches of the castle which are now in London’s Tate Gallery.

View of Ben Cruachan from the Isle of Kerrera
Looking east with twin peaks of Ben Cruachan in the middle distance
Sheep talk

On our return walk to the ferry we were almost deafened at one point by sheep baaing to each other … baa, baa, baa, baa. The noise was incredible! We came to the conclusion that they must have been discussing the effects of Brexit on the Common Agricultural Policy. They were making much more sense than our Westminster parliamentarians! After Trump’s visit to see May in London and Putin in Helsinki, I said to Pat “I think Trump’s a very clever man”, then, when I saw the look on her face, had to explain that I had misspoken and what I actually meant to say was that he was a complete and utter idiot.

Ex KGB, Vladamir Putin is beginning to look like the only sane politician around and that says something! Our “journey to a scone” was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. A big fat YES to the Kerrera Tea Garden.Logo for the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera

PA34 4SX      tel: 01631 566367         Kerrera Tea Garden

K6 telephone box on the Isle of Kerreraps: This is the only telephone box on the Isle of Kerrera and as you can see it is a K6. No manufacturer’s badge so it could be either Falkirk, Kirkintilloch or Glasgow in origin. Now it functions, not as a telephone box, but as the only shop on the island … selling postcards.

Telephone cables

If you found that interesting here is another little snippet that will be of interest to all those who have spent restless nights wondering where the first subsea transatlantic telephone cable came ashore in the UK. Well wonder no more, it was here at Little Horsehoe Bay on Kerrera in 1956. It operated until 1978 and the other end was in Clarenville, Newfoundland. You can now rest easy.

View of first trans Atlantic telephone cable landing point on the Isle of Kerrera
Little Horseshoe Bay with Oban in the distance. In 1263 Horseshoe Bay housed a fleet of one hundred and twenty longship galleys under the command of Norwegian King Haakon 1. More recently, it provided all the lobsters for Cunard’s transatlantic liners.
Wilting

We met loads of tourists, some walking, some on bikes, all were complaining about the heat! They said that the publicity for holidays in Scotland had not prepared them for weeks of hot dry weather. C’est la vie … haste ye back!

english, Scones, Top

Connaught Hotel

A Porsche outside the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair, LondonWe managed to squeeze our Porsche 911 GT2 RS in between another sports car and a huge black Rolls Royce outside the front door of the hotel. Seriously, the car pictured above was indeed parked like that. However, with a price tag of £211,000 for the basic model it represents more than we have spent on cars in our entire lifetime. It does 0-60mph in 2.8 secs whereas our first car, a Citroen Dyane named Hal after the computer in the film 2001, A Space Odyssey, could only reach that speed in a following wind. Truthfully, we arrived by black cab.

A couple of sheep

It took us through Mayfair to the Connaught and the streets were lined with  Ferraris and Lamborghinis so this car was not out of place in the slightest. Definitely the place to see swank, if silly, cars. Our favourite car of all time however remains Hal. Not sure you would get a couple of sheep and bale of straw in the back of that Porsche. At least not without knocking £100,000 off the value! Anyway, this is not a car blog!

As you are very well aware we leave no stone unturned in our sconological quests and once again, as we did at Knockinaam Lodge Hotel, we are going that extra mile … entirely on your behalf! The Connaught (like Claridge’s and the Ritz does not require to have “hotel” after its name … you’re just supposed to know) does luxury rather well.

One of the bars at the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair, London
The Coburg Bar

Because we were a sinful few minutes early we were promptly escorted to  the Coburg bar and obliged to drink pink champagne and eat green olives with homemade potato crisps while  they prepared our table … nice! We had hardly begun when they announced that the table was ready but that we could take as long as we liked over our champagne. Nice again! Internal view of the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair, London

Dream Tea

When we did eventually sit down to our afternoon tea it was in the very comfortable Jean-Georges restaurant. It had a huge wrap round window so that we could sit and watch the mega-rich going past outside wondering which, if any of them, was not involved in money laundering. Afternoon tea at the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair, LondonFirst thing we had to do was decide on tea … there was no coffee option! Pat opted for a green tea called Gyokuro, made by gently steaming the leaves in pure volcanic water and promising to taste of roasted Fuji apples and tender meringue.

I, having only a vague grasp on reality, opted for Dream Tea, an infusion of the finest chamomile, verbena, lemongrass and mint … wake me up somebody! We’ve seen the correct way to taste posh tea …. you suck it noisily through your teeth, swill it vigorously around your mouth before jettisoning it into a spittoon. But this did not seem like either the time or the place. Interestingly both teas looked and tasted amazingly like hot water … but refreshing nevertheless to our PG Tips palates.

Curd, or not?

We could go on endlessly about the biscuit dogs for dipping in chocolate. Or the Truffle egg mayonnaise sandwiches. Or the Rhubarb Compote with Fromage Blanc but you just want to know about the scones. Don’t you! Needless to say they were delicious. There was a fruit and a plain for each of us, beautifully glazed on top and nicely presented in a silver basket. They were accompanied by homemade strawberry jam, Cornish clotted cream and lemon curd … fab. The lemon curd, however, presented us with something of a quandry … cream with curd, or not?

We should know the answer but, since this is the first time we have been presented with the problem, we don’t. We went ‘with’ and it was nice enough but aesthetically a bit insipid looking. Thoughts on this dilemma would be most welcome. Scones at the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair, LondonThe fruit ones had delightfully succulent golden fruit rather than the usual black sultanas. All in all it was a pretty obvious topscone.

However, we don’t want readers running away with the idea that it was all plain sailing. We had had to switch champagnes for the afternoon tea. At one point,Pat even had to pour her own tea!! In the toilets there was someone to greet you. They turned on the taps for you and handed you a beautiful fluffy white hand towel. Too much! The thought of these poor sods standing in a toilet all day, albeit a marbled temple of a toilet, waiting to turn your taps on … arrgghh!

Pouring one’s own tea

They might even wipe bums for the Rees Moggs of this world but we’re not sure. At any rate the very nice gentleman who turned on my taps has probably been deported by now under Theresa May‘s fantastically disgraceful immigration regime. The Connaught must have hundreds of staff. We met quite a few of them and not one of them was British. Does this mean that we will all have to pour our own tea and wipe our own bums after Brexit? Sacré bleu! Afternoon tea at the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair, LondonTo top it all off the staff presented us with a beautiful little box with some extra scones and jams as we left … wonderful. Or maybe it was the Dream Tea kicking in?

W1K 2AL          tel: 020 7499 7070            The Connaught

Scones, Uncategorized

2017 scones

Because we have been badly neglecting our sconological duties of late we thought we should at least do something for the festive season. Just to remind readers that we are still alive and wish them all the best for Christmas and 2018. This post is simply to do that rather than bring you a new exciting scone …. sorry! We certainly haven’t eaten 2017 scones. Though by the time we get through the festive season we may feel as if we have. Some of our correspondents, however, have been much more diligent.

Posh place specialists

The title picture was sent by our London correspondents. Since it is almost two years since we reported from Claridge’s they thought that they should check that standards had not slipped in our absence. They are posh-place specialists and elected to take  our latest granddaughter, aged 5 days, along as an adjudicator in the event of a split decision. Thankfully, everything was hunkydory and the new arrival did not have to be pressed into service … phew!! A K2 sandwich server

Our old friend, the Pedant, found a website that bemoans the use of weird objects to serve food on rather than plates. It is aptly named www.wewantplates.com. He also pointed out, given our interest in such things, what he thought might be a good way to serve scones. A miniature telephone box (K2) used to bring little sandwiches to the table. Thanks for the suggestion but we want plates as well!

During the past year we have had the great pleasure of visiting many lovely parts of the UK and discovering lots of wonderful scones. And, of course, some not so wonderful. Have we learned anything in our travels? Notably, we came to the conclusion that scones improve the further north you go. We realise that sconeys in Devon and Cornwall might find this contentious. However it has to be said that in the far north, including our visit to Orkney, we found nothing but topscones.

Phone boxes

We were also pleased that readers took such an interest in what became something of a hot-topic. Telephone boxes and, in particular, where they were manufactured, Falkirk, Glasgow or Kirkintilloch. We received pictures of K6s from as far afield as Buenos Aires and Tel Aviv.

A K6 telephone box on South Ronaldsay
A Kirkintilloch K6 telephone box in splendid isolation near Quoyeden on South Ronaldsay

On our own travels we came on many K6s reinvented as libraries, defibrillator stations and greenhouses. A sign of the times perhaps that even in the most remote locations they no longer serve their original purpose. It’s called progress but that is not something that abounds these days.

Headless chickens

Quite the opposite in fact, at times the whole world seems to be going backwards. The only constant seems to be that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. As Theresa May loses yet more of her cabinet colleagues you might be forgiven for thinking that our Brexit negotiations might as well be conducted by headless chickens. Even though they claim to be making progress you cannot help but ask yourself what progress turkeys voting for Christmas can actually make? Forgive all the poultry analogies, it’s that time of year.

Elsewhere, after all the kerfuffle over Catalonia, it looks like ending up back exactly where it started with a cessationist government. Spain has headless chickens as well! On the other side of the pond, Donald Trump impersonators continue to do better impressions of The Donald than he does of himself. And you might be better off taking them more seriously. Perhaps the world would be better governed by headless chickens. Or is it already? Is that what we are not understanding?

On that cheery note we will bid you a fond farewell for this year. Thanks to to all our readers. And a special thanks to all our correspondents  who venture fearlessly into the world’s nether regions on your behalf.  And for 2018, may all your scones be top ones.

Scones, Uncategorized

A Ton Of Scones

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Motorcyclists often refer to ‘doing a ton’, meaning 100mph, so this post is the scone equivalent. Not reviewing a particular scone but rather 100 scones; a ton of scones .. as a pie. Our last post from Liberty was our 100th so we thought it was time for some analysis. Bearing in mind our limited mathematical dexterity, 100 makes it easy to work out percentages. Our first post was Palmerston’s in Dunkeld almost exactly one year ago which works out at almost one scone every 4 days. How’s that for dedication, and amazingly, we are just as sylph-like as ever .. or at least Pat is.Pie chart illustrating anaysis of 100 scones

The Results:

  • 75% gained no accolade or categorisation other than they were just fairly ordinary or self service scones. That does not make them bad. In fact many of them were very good, but not good enough for an award. Notably the Biscuit and the Bingham Hotel just missed out on a topscone award.
    a sign at the Wee Blether, Kinlochard
    Wee Blether

    Annoyingly the Corinthian had superb scones but abysmal service, otherwise it would have had a topscone award. 1% of this category, the Buckhaven scone, wasn’t even a scone. Some, like the Wee Blether were just great fun.

  • 21% gained a topscone award. We think this is rather good but like the ordinary scones not all were equal. If we were to select our top three topscones it would be Fonab Castle, the Olympic Studios and the Dormy.
    a scone at Ardanaiseig Hotel
    Ardanaiseig

    The other 18 topscones were all excellent but not quite as good as these three. Some locations like Ackergill Tower and Ardanaiseig  were fabulous. Our most expensive scone was undoubtedly Claridges but what an experience!

  • 1% was classed as ‘foreign’. The Duke was based on information from our Iberian correspondent.
  • 2% was classed as ‘homemade’ … made by friends and not sold commercially. One, Dan’s was so good it got a topscone. The other was on Nicola Sturgeon making scones but we didn’t taste them so couldn’t give them an award, though we are sure they would have been first class.
  • 4% were classed as ‘weird’. This did not mean they were in any way bad. They were just weird. The ‘thunder and lightning’ scone at Mother Murphy’s was memorable as was the ‘bacon and cheese’ scone at Habitat.
  • 22% were self service scones. In itself this did not make them bad but none of them made topscone This was partly because it is about the whole experience and waiting in a queue is never as good as being waited on.
  • 8% were island scones … The Puffer on Easdale being the best.

    ERxternal view of the Puffer, Easdale
    The Puffer
  • 11% were English scones. Difficult to say if English scones are better than Scottish, they certainly have some odd ideas about the prioritisation of jam and cream. Might need further investigation.

A Dash of Politics: Our rants have probably got progressively more and more ranty as the year passed. Sincere apologies to all, but it makes us feel better!

Summary: All in all it has been a wonderfully enjoyable year. There are some places we won’t be rushing back to, either because they were too bad or too expensive. The vast majority, however, we would happily visit again .. which is great! _BIL4531Many thanks to our benefactors who have treated us to the odd scone here and there and thanks to our correspondents who have shared their scone stories with us. Thanks are also due to the places we have visited who, by and large, have enjoyed the reviews and given us lovely feedback. Will there be another ton? We shall see!

english, Ordinary, self-service

White Peaks Café

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This is our first visit to Kew Gardens. It famously houses the world’s biggest collection of living plants. It quickly became evident that a few hours was never really going to do it justice. It’s big, about 300 acres, and there’s lots to see and do. Orchid collections; photographic exhibitions; tropical glasshouses; museums of botany; loads of beautiful  parkland and big adventure playgrounds for children. There are four eateries all operated by the same external  contractor and they are all different. We ended up in the White Peaks family food hall near the adventure play area. It was busy, busy, busy, kiddies everywhere, but we had kiddies with us too so we were just adding to the general chaos.White Peaks 02

‘Food hall’ is probably the correct description rather than ‘restaurant’. You certainly would not come here for a quiet cuppa .. at least not on a school holiday. If you want that The Orangery, a couple of hundred yards further on, would probably be a much better bet. Fortunately White Peaks is self-service and set up to cater for loads of people all at once. It doesn’t take long to get served with whatever takes your fancy. Predictably our fancy was taken by the scones. Not because they looked particularly appetising, but rather out of our unstinting sense of duty.

Not Claridges

As might be expected in a place like this everything is geared towards fast  food and the scones are no exception; jam and cream in little sealed plastic pots; paper plates; plastic knife. Do they not know that we normally have our scones at Claridge’s .. darling? White Peaks 03This definitely was not a Claridge’s scone but then that would be like comparing apples and pears. Let’s just say that this scone was okay and ideally suited to it’s environment.

If the folks in London are baffled by a peculiar chortling noise drifting downwind from the north, it is probably referendum hardened Scots laughing. They are chortling at the 2014 pantomime of the Scottish independence referendum being played out again. However, this time it’s over the EU. The same predictions of impending doom if we stay in .. oh, and if we leave. Incredibly, the people who want to leave the EU are ferociously arguing that ‘we need to have control over our own affairs‘, are exactly the same people who argued so ferociously to stop that happening in Scotland. The logic is hard to grasp.

Weasel words

The other day Ian Duncan Smith said “I’m tired of hearing that we’re too small, too little, too inconsequential to stand alone”. Is that a wee touch of amnesia Ian? What were you saying a year ago about Scotland? No such worries on this beautiful day at Kew. We didn’t notice any kiddie-winks fretting about the prospects of being in .. or out, although, they are the ones who will be affected most. Whatever the result, it will be made to work so it probably does not matter that much. Dumfries & Galloway Council have resorted to cutting a pack of cards to make decisions. Maybe Westminster should do the same, it would save a lot of trouble?

TW9 3AB     tel: 020 8332 5000     Kew Gardens

english, Top

Claridge’s

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Claridges 03You know you are at Claridge’s when, to get across the street, you have to negotiate your way through loads of Bentleys and Aston Martins. Then, when you get to reception you have to decide between an ordinary room at £550 per night, or a suite  .. dilemma! Eventually we thought a £3,500 suite would be comfortable enough for one night. Then we discovered that breakfast was going to be an additional £80 … arrgghh. And everything had been going so well.

The Scot in us suddenly came racing to the fore and, you guessed it, we ended up just going for a scone. Not just any old scone, mind you, a full afternoon tea in the form of a much anticipated present from a couple of thoughtful and generous readers .. hint, hint.

Hen’s teeth

Diligent readers will have noted that over the last few months, topscone awards have been as rare as hen’s teeth, so we were feeling pretty excited and confident. If hen’s teeth were going to be found anywhere, it would be here.

Excitement is not something that Claridge’s does. The atmosphere, in the rather splendiferous 1930’s art deco Foyer, is one of intense calm. Disturbed only by the soft sounds of the pianist and cellist playing selections from Beethoven and Bublé. Claridges 08Pat always blends effortlessly into such luxurious surroundings – a sign of good breeding no doubt. Whereas I tend to feel more comfortable towards the greasy spoon end of the market.

Cannot believe I have just mentioned a greasy spoon in this context. If such an item was found here some member of staff would immediately be taken out and unceremoniously shot. As serious sconeys, however, whose sole raison d’être is to inform our readers about scones at all levels, we felt it had to be done. Regardless of personal sacrifice. The menu will give you an flavour of what had to be endured.Claridges 12

Pièce de résistance

here’s no doubt that these sandwiches, helped down with lashings of champagne, were probably the best we have ever tasted. Superb, we ate every last crumb. The glaringly empty plate prompted them to ask if we would like more. Of course, we had to conserve some space for the pièce de résistance .. the scones. We politely declined.

Iron Goddess

Before that we had to choose from a couple of dozen teas from around the world. Pat plumped on China White Peony with ‘hints of peach and apricot‘ and I went for the Iron Goddess Of Mercy, a gentle flavoured oolong which is high in caffeine and recommended as ‘the perfect afternoon pick-me-up‘. Ideal for me after having been awake all morning.

Tea for enemies

The tea comes served in teapots that only hold one cup. When you want more they go and get more hot water and each infusion is supposed to improve each time. We were told by our Chinese waitress. ‘The first cup is for your enemies, the second cup for your wife and the third cup is for yourself’. Just as well we were both drinking different teas as I’m pretty sure Pat would not have been happy being given the second cup. Claridges 10The scones! Apparently ‘Claridge’s scone recipe is a timeless classic refined over generations‘. They have ‘a soft yielding texture and a colour of warm white gold‘ and are served with Cornish clotted cream and tea scented Marco Polo gelée … ‘the perfect complement to the scone‘. Nothing as common as jam here!

Malawi Antler

They were not far wrong, it was all excellent. However, rather than being the clear and easy decision we had expected, we had to deliberate for a bit on whether they qualified as topscones or not? The presentation of course was excellent but the scones themselves were not quite up to Fonab standards. Of course Fonab is top of the tree so the answer was yes, phew! Claridges 09Because we are unlikely to be taking tea here again any time soon, for my final cup I changed to the Malawi Antler. A tea which is ‘unspeakably rare’ and in the UK can only be found at Claridge’s. It had to be done. It was very nice. Though the antlers (tea shoots instead of leaves) which ‘wonderfully express the earth of Malawi’ was a bit lost on my decidedly uneducated palette.

Fudge

The rest of the afternoon was taken up with cake scoffing, and generally watching the world go by. What a fabulous way to spend the day. Many many thanks to our very generous benefactors. Before we left this cocoon of peace and calm our waiter rushed off to get us a present. Two little boxes of Claridge’s fudge. Judging by his performance over the ‘new deal’ and the EU referendum we think Cameron has been given several mega boxes.

W1K 4HR       tel: 020 7629 8860        Claridges