You will never guess how this place got its name – Bridge 49 Cafe Bar? Okay we will tell you. It’s right beside bridge 49 on the Union Canal … imaginative, or what?

What’s in a name?

The instantly forgettable bridge is only a stone’s throw from the extremely impressive 26m high Avon Aqueduct. Built in 1821 to a Thomas Telford design. It could have been called Ristorante Aqueducti. Or something a bit less prosaic than Bridge 49 Cafe Bar! Not to worry, we take our hats off to the folks who have built this enterprise in the middle of nowhere and obviously taking a sizeable gamble with a big investment. So they can call it whatever they like, we just eat scones after all. It has a large inside restaurant but, with today being absolutely beautiful, we opted for an ‘al fresco’ fruit scone overlooking the canal while watching the boats drift by. Life can be tough, but not today. In fact, it has seldom been so toughless!

Service could best be described as ‘adequate’ and our coffee was good but the same, unfortunately, could not be said for the scones. We like them a little bit crunchy on the outside but these were just hard and dry. They were either over-baked, or, they were yesterday’s. One of the worst scones we have had in a while. Shame really because, with its outside play area for children, this is a good place for families to come and enjoy a relaxed meal without worrying too much about the kids. So don’t let us put you off. Based on our experience however the scones need a bit of a rethink.

Trump says

A rethink is exactly what’s needed after the Grenfell Tower disaster. Theresa May’s lack of empathy during her unfortunate visit to the site only served to make people angry. It reminded Conservatives that she should not be allowed out in public. Though, to give her her due, in recent times, she herself has done everything possible to avoid meeting the public. This is the third scone since the General Election and she is still desperately hanging on. It is also eleven days since the election and she is still trying to reach agreement with the ten MPs of the DUP. What chance the Brexit negotiations starting today? Perhaps she should simply restrict herself to that most wicked of pastimes – running through fields of wheat when no one is around. As Trump would say, “bad”. Or maybe his other word “sad”. The latter is probably more appropriate?

EH49 6LW        teL: 01506 846536           Bridge 49

ps Readers will distinctly remember the excruciating excitement as we reported on the highest scone in the land (1531 feet) at Wanlockhead in the Leadhills. Little did we know that we were throwing down a gauntlet. Recently we received a report from happy wanderers, our intrepid Trossachs correspondents, on a 38,000 feet high scone …eh? That’s not just a mile high scone, that’s over seven miles high!

Fluffy interiors

Of course they cheated, they were on a plane heading to that Caribbean idyll, Saint Kitts & Nevis … poor dears! After several glasses of champs and having just finished watching Ken Loach’s highly poignant film “I, Daniel Blake”, about life under the Tory benefit cuts, this happened. “Flying at 38,000ft with an outside temperature of minus 56 Centigrade, and 53 minutes before Antigua the moment arrived. Afternoon tea was served – not just sandwiches and cakes but also scones! We cannot possibly formally judge the scones but they were warm, crisp on the outside with fluffy interiors and were served with Rodda’s Classic Cornish Cream and Wilkin & Sons strawberry jam. As we enjoyed them we could not but think of how fortunate we are in contrast to the next generation of Daniel Blakes”.

Intergalactic scones

Fortunate indeed! But when will our correspondents learn? If they want their scones judged formally they have to to take us with them?

We were tempted to go one better and book a Virgin Galactic space flight. We’ve had some nice light scones but never completely weightless ones. At over 60 miles high that would have to be a new record! When we phoned them however they could not give a definitive answer on whether or not they would be serving scones. Heyho, we won’t bother! In the meantime we eagerly await further reports on Caribbean scones being filed.