Tag Archives: Brexit

Ordinary, Scones

Kerrera Tea Garden

When it comes to Scottish Independence many people who voted NO in the 2014 referendum have been posting on social media “My Journey to YES”. Well this is similar but, of course, it is more “Our journey to a SCONE”! Let us explain. Some scones can be relatively difficult to come by but that is generally down to cost e.g. Claridges, the Connaught, rather than geographical location.

Gallanach Ferry from the Isle of Kerrera
Gallanach Ferry only takes 12 people, no cars. If you are number 13 you have to wait for it to come back. We had to wait for it to come back three times
Getting there

Getting to the Kerrera Tea Garden  however involves a road trip to Oban, a ferry and then an hours walk over rough hill track. That’s just to get there … and the same back! Signpost for the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of KerreraThere is nothing along the way other than sheep but luckily they have easy to follow signposts to guide the weary traveller. Although the day was quite cloudy it was hot so by the time we came on that last sign we were extremely relieved. Stomach and arthritic joints were screaming for sustenance and rest. External view of the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera

The Kerrera Tea Garden is exactly what it says. A fairly large garden in which there are lots of tables where you can sit and have tea. If the weather ever gets inclement, perish the thought, there is the Byre, a rustic but charming converted cowshed.

Inside the Byre at the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera
The Byre
Sacre Blue

We were attended to by a very mannerly young chap who was obviously not a local. He was from Singapore and was studying law in London. Goodness knows how he found his way here for a summer job? A scone at the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of KerreraThe scones are made fresh every morning so after a light lunch we thought they should be sampled. We couldn’t come all this way and not sample the scones after all! Unfortunately they were a tad disappointing. Just a little on the solid side and with a slightly sweet taste that wasn’t to our liking. They weren’t bad but not a topscone. Pity, because everything else about this place is fantastic. If you ever get the chance you should definitely visit, it’s worth the effort.

When we arrived there was a party of six French folk who were explaining that they just wanted coffee because they had their own sandwiches … mais non, sacre blue, mon dieu! Perhaps it is just as well we are leaving the EU! They were politely told to take themselves off to thonder distant hill to have their picnic. When we were leaving they were making their way back for their coffee and didn’t seem at all put out. The Auld Alliance is intact!

View of Gylen Castle on the Isle of Kerrera
The ruined Gylen Castle overlooking the Firth of Lorne

 

buy cialis pill cute-n-tiny.com The blood supply into the erection containers made of spongy tissue called as corpus cavernosum to relax and smoothen. Epillsrx.com offers levitra best price at a 100% lowest-price guarantee, which ensures customers that they have received from the online course and it remains fresh and clear in the mind. Hair follicles have a sensitivity to DHT – so when the DHT is present in discover address now cialis cheapest the follicles, it makes them miniaturize – resulting in an abnormal production of the hormone adrenocorticotropin. This issue cialis canada generico might not be a matter of life and death in some extreme cases. We finished off our visit with the short walk from the Tea Garden to Gylen Castle which sits on the southern tip of the island. It was built in 1582 by the Clan MacDougall but was besieged then burned by Covenanters in 1647.  Ironically the siege was successful because of a shortage of water. The castle’s spring was insufficient in the prevailing dry spell so the MacDougalls surrendered. The same would have happened today where we have almost forgotten what rain looks like! When William Turner visited in 1831, he was fascinated by the ruin and made several sketches of the castle which are now in London’s Tate Gallery.

View of Ben Cruachan from the Isle of Kerrera
Looking east with twin peaks of Ben Cruachan in the middle distance
Sheep talk

On our return walk to the ferry we were almost deafened at one point by sheep baaing to each other … baa, baa, baa, baa. The noise was incredible! We came to the conclusion that they must have been discussing the effects of Brexit on the Common Agricultural Policy. They were making much more sense than our Westminster parliamentarians! After Trump’s visit to see May in London and Putin in Helsinki, I said to Pat “I think Trump’s a very clever man”, then, when I saw the look on her face, had to explain that I had misspoken and what I actually meant to say was that he was a complete and utter idiot.

Ex KGB, Vladamir Putin is beginning to look like the only sane politician around and that says something! Our “journey to a scone” was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. A big fat YES to the Kerrera Tea Garden.Logo for the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera

PA34 4SX      tel: 01631 566367         Kerrera Tea Garden

K6 telephone box on the Isle of Kerreraps: This is the only telephone box on the Isle of Kerrera and as you can see it is a K6. No manufacturer’s badge so it could be either Falkirk, Kirkintilloch or Glasgow in origin. Now it functions, not as a telephone box, but as the only shop on the island … selling postcards.

Telephone cables

If you found that interesting here is another little snippet that will be of interest to all those who have spent restless nights wondering where the first subsea transatlantic telephone cable came ashore in the UK. Well wonder no more, it was here at Little Horsehoe Bay on Kerrera in 1956. It operated until 1978 and the other end was in Clarenville, Newfoundland. You can now rest easy.

View of first trans Atlantic telephone cable landing point on the Isle of Kerrera
Little Horseshoe Bay with Oban in the distance. In 1263 Horseshoe Bay housed a fleet of one hundred and twenty longship galleys under the command of Norwegian King Haakon 1. More recently, it provided all the lobsters for Cunard’s transatlantic liners.
Wilting

We met loads of tourists, some walking, some on bikes, all were complaining about the heat! They said that the publicity for holidays in Scotland had not prepared them for weeks of hot dry weather. C’est la vie … haste ye back!

Scones, Top

Ochiltree’s at Abbotsford

For a very long time we have been promising ourselves a visit to Abbotsford House. It was the home of Sir Walter Scott … poet, nove

Statue of Edie Ochiltree at Abbotsford House
Edie Ochiltree statue

list, historian, biographer and inventor of the shortbread tin view of Scotland. If he was alive today we’re sure he would have been a blogger of note! The new Borders Railway took us from Waverley Station in Edinburgh (named after one of Scott’s novels) to Tweedbank where there was a complimentary bus waiting to take us on the five minute ride to Abbotsford itself.

Scott died of typhus aged sixty one but left a lasting legacy of literature as well as this house which he spent much of his life building at huge expense. External view of Abbotsford House

Clarty Hole

For readers who think that financial crashes are a relatively modern phenomena, in Scotland it’s a bit of a long standing tradition. Scott was caught in the crash of 1825 and was ruined, owing almost £10m in today’s money, It says much for the man that, rather than become a bankrupt, he placed his income and property in a trust belonging to his creditors, and decided to write his way out of debt. Ironically, this strategy only succeeded after his death, due to the continuing sales of his literary works. Anyway, back in 1811 he purchased the old tumbledown Cartley Hole Farm. Locally, the farm was known as Clarty Hole (dirty hole) so Scott determined it should be renamed Abbotsford after the nearby ford used by the monks at Melrose Abbey.

External view of Ochiltree Dining, Abbotsford House
Abbotsford Visitor Centre and Ochiltree’s retaurant
After Brexit?

Today the house is a major tourist attraction and of course comes complete with its own rather swanky visitor centre and cafeteria known as Ochiltree’s at Abbotsford after Edie Ochiltree, a beggar, and one of Scott’s favourite characters in The Antiquary.  Internal view of Ochiltree Dining, Abbotsford HouseYet another hot day so we decided to sit out on the spacious balcony. We could look over towards the house nestling in between the soft borders hills on the banks of the river Tweed. We were taken care of very well, mostly by folks from eastern Europe. Who will do that after Brexit? Will we have to carry our own scones? Perish the thought! A scone at Ochiltree Dining, Abbotsford HousePat elected to have a cream tea which consisted of some sandwiches, a scone and a piece of lemon drizzle cake whereas I was not so ambitious and simply went for a fruit scone. We actually shared everything!

The whole Abbotsford experience is wonderful. We didn’t go into the house – not enough time. However the gardens and walks through the woods down by the riverside are fabulous on such a fine day.  And to top it all off with a topscone. What more could you ask?

External view of Abbotsford House
Abbotsford House from the banks of the river Tweed
Rubbing along

Today England is being Trumped and tomorrow it will be Scotland’s turn …. arrgghh. Are we starting to warm to the man, however?? Perhaps he is the only honest politician around these days? Even though you don’t like what he is saying, or the way he is saying it, he just says it and doesn’t really care what anyone thinks. Quite refreshing when compared to most of his mealy-mouthed counterparts. Yesterday he was saying Theresa May was a complete waste of space. Tell us something we don’t know Donald. Today he will probably be praising her. Make of it what you will. Apparently our beggar, Edie Ochiltree told it like it was so we have a sneaky suspicion that even though Scott was an educated man, he and Trump would have rubbed along okay. Maybe over a scone at Ochiltree’s at Abbotsford

Bust of Sir Walter Scott
Bust of Sir Walter Scott

TD6 9BQ             tel: 01896 752043           Ochiltree Dining

ps: A notice board on the pavement outside the Cafe Royal in Edinburgh, now in its 155th year. Scott may have gone to the original which was on the opposite side of the Register Place. Do you think they could say the same about scones … perish the thought!Sign outside Cafe Royal in Edinburgh

Scones, Top

Café Mimi’s

In the late 19th century, Spring-heeled Jack was a notorious fiery eyed demon of English folklore. He could leap over high objects such as hedges and scare the living daylights out of the good folks of London. And latterly of most of England. There are, however, several accounts of him having been spotted north of the border. In Perthshire near Auchterarder to be precise.

We cannot vouch for all the sightings but one at least proved to be false. What the locals initially thought was Jack turned out to be a young Auchterarder lad who was besotted with a lass from the neighbouring village of Aberuthven.  In an attempt Internal view of Café Mimi's in Auchterarderto dissuade rival suitors he took to leaping out on travelers on the road between the two villages under cover of darkness.  Hence it gained the reputation of being haunted. No one knows if this strategy got him the girl but you’ve got to admire his determination, not to mention imagination. We hope it did, such is love.

Quiet calm

Anyway Spring-heeled Jack has nothing to do with anything other than to say that, if he did indeed terrorise the area around Auchterarder, then Café Mimis, with its orderly air of quiet calm, would be the ideal antidote to his antics. On our last visit to the village we had been recommended Café Kisa. At the time, we reckoned it to be the best in town and we would happily have gone back there. However, our mission is to relentlessly go forward and explore the nether regions of such towns and villages. And to report back to our readers on our findings. Hence we ended up here in Café Mimi’s. With the local hotel being Gleneagles, would Mimi’s live up to the local area’s reputation for high class produce and service? No problem, was the answer. Café picture from the loo at Café Mimi's in Auchterarder

Beautiful toilets

With temperatures hovering between 25 and 32 °C for the past few months in these parts, Café Mimi’s felt more like this picture which was hanging in their delightful toilet. We don’t normally comment on toilets but Mimi’s is definitely worth a mention. Wouldn’t go there just for the toilet, you understand. However, if you have to go it’s one of the nicest we have ever come across. And that is always a good omen for everything else.

Cravings

The café itself is quite small, only a few tables but everything is spotless and beautifully laid out. We were looked after by a very friendly and humorous lady and her compadre, an equally pleasant lady called Morag. Turned out that she was the one responsible for baking all the fabulous looking cakes … and the scones! A scone at Café Mimi's in AuchterarderThey only had four left, enough to give Pat a cheese one and me a plain. Both were absolutely delicious with the crunchy exterior and soft center that we crave. Together with the generous helpings of jam and cream it was an easy topscone. Their afternoon tea, which some ladies were enjoying at the next table, looked excellent as well.

Chequers fudge

It’s not that Café Kisa has been knocked off the top spot but more that it has been joined by Café Mimi’s. For a small village like Auchterarder to have two such good scone emporiums is quite something! Spring-heeled Jack may not have been the most level headed sort of chap but what would he have made of today’s news: the tragic death of a person in the ongoing Novichok affair that simply makes no sense whatsoever. The resignation of David Davis, our chief Brexit negotiator, in the face of an equally senseless Chequers fudge. The imminent and senseless Trump visit. His fiery eyes would be even more ablaze. He wasn’t that daft!

PH3 1BJ          tel: 01764 664671        Café Mimi’s TA

ps: On the pavement just outside the Sugar& Spice bakery next to Café Mimi’s we came across this sage advice … consider yourselves, warned.Billbord outside Café Mimi's in Auchterarder

Scones, weird

The Almond Tree Café

We have been aware of the Almond Tree Café in our home town of Falkirk for many moons but for some reason have never ventured inside. Maybe it’s because it’s tucked away from the main shopping area near what used to be the Glasgow Buildings. A huge tenement which, at one time, housed hundreds of people right in the town centre. When folk complain that the centre of Falkirk is dying they probably forget that not so long ago, lots of people actually lived in or near the High Street. It made the town centre much more vibrant than it is today. Now, no one lives there.

Where the Glasgow Buildings used to be is now a car park. The only good thing that can be said about it is that parking is free after 3pm. Hence we were using it this afternoon. That’s how we ended up at the Almond Tree Café. Internal view of the Almond Tree Café, Falkirk

Thunderbolts

It is quite a big modern place, with a large seating area upstairs. Ssurprise, surprise, turns out that it is part of the adjacent Struthers Memorial Church. It had never occurred to us that the two were connected in any way. The bookshop full of Christian books and the fact that the almond tree is mentioned quite a lot in the Bible (Aaron’s rod etc) should, perhaps, have made it pretty obvious. Sometimes we can be a bit slow on the uptake. The Struthers MC is a Pentacostal church founded on the memory of the Rev J P Struthers. He was a powerful preacher and children’s author in Greenock until his death in 1915. He was actually struck down at a relatively young age while preaching. Must have said something wrong!

Bizarre systems

Many regard the SMC as a cult where they think of themselves as anointed and speak in tongues. Not exactly our cup of tea but, lo and behold,  they did have scones … cherry and coconut scones to be precise. Weird scones to go with their weird servery. You pay for what you want then you have to walk round the a corner to collect a cup then bring it back and fill it up from a machine … bizarre. They definitely need some divine guidance here or even plain common sense would do. A scone at the Almond Tree Café, FalkirkAt the end of the day the scones were actually very good though the coffee wasn’t great nor were the people behind the counter. Probably volunteers so perhaps we shouldn’t criticise too much.

The SMC only has about 300 members over seven or eight bases in the UK so goodness knows how they make it pay. The Almond Tree itself is only open about five hours a day Tuesday to Saturday which wouldn’t make it a successful business and the shutters were down as we were leaving at 3.30pm?? The sign for the Almond Tree Café, Falkirk

Anyway, speaking in tongues, or glossolalia as it is properly known, is defined as: the fluid vocalising of speech-like syllables that lack any readily comprehended meaning. The Secretary of State for Scotland, David ‘Fluffy’ Mundell, has raised glossolalia to dizzying new heights at Westminster this week. It’s ironic that Westminster is defending what it is doing in the name of democracy. Have they forgotten that devolution was forced on an extremely unwilling UK by the EU. Why? Because the UK was deemed the most undemocratic state in Europe and the EU felt that devolution would give parts of the UK some sort of say in how they were governed.

Wringing hands

Now, Fluffy, a complete waste of oxygen where representing Scotland’s interests is concerned, has decreed that decisions taken in the Scottish Parliament are of no value whatsoever if Westminster just happens to disagree with them. What sort of devolution is that? He has also said that Scotland is no longer a partner in the UK, we are part of the UK. When did that happen? The UK is registered with the UN as: 2 countries (England and Scotland), 1 principality (Wales) and 1 province (N. Ireland). It probably doesn’t matter any more … the Union is bust. Meanwhile the Labour party has mastered the difficult art of simultaneously wringing their hands whilst sitting on them.  Little wonder the SNP has seen its membership sore in the past few days.

FK1 1PW       tel: 01324 626000        The Almond Tree

Ordinary, Scones

Coffee Kiln Café

His great grandfather, Sir Everard, was descended from a London Prince and his other great grandfather, Knight Errant, was descended from the Prince of Wales. No, we are not going off on another rant about the aristocracy, we are talking about the pedigree of the Baron o’ Buchlyvie. Perhaps the world’s most famous and probably most expensive Clydesdale stallion.  He was sold at auction in 1911 for 9,500 guineas after a dispute over ownership that ended up in the House of Lords. That was a lot of money back then! His stud fees were astronomical. However if you want to listen to a bothy ballad on how they could be avoided just click here.

Anyway this is just a rather roundabout way of telling you that today we are in Buchlyvie. It used to be a busy wee place, being the crossroads for two railway lines. However, they were closed long ago and nowadays it is just a sleepy little village with a rather busy road running through it. Internal view of the Coffee Kiln Café, BucklyvieNormally we are part of that busy road as we drive through on our way to the west coast but today we decided to stop at the pottery/café and see what was on offer. Plenty … inside there’s a wealth of lovely pottery in all sorts of patterns and colours. All produced in the workshop at the back of the café. Some of the pottery at the Coffee Kiln Café, Bucklyvie

Drop scones?

We spent ages looking round and ended up buying quite a few different pieces. Of course, this was extremely taxing. We had spotted some scones on the counter so it was kind of inevitable. We decided to share one! A scone at the Coffee Kiln Café, BucklyvieSadly it was a huge disappointment. We had a slice of gingerbread as well which was nice . However, although the scone was served with lots of jam, and cream it just didn’t taste good. The worst we had had in a very long time. Not even sure if the Baron would have enjoyed them. Not sure either if he occasionally got a bit over-amorous. In 1914, after having his leg broken by a kick from a mare, he had to be put down.

Subsequent to his burial however he was dug up and his skeleton displayed at Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum in Glasgow. Anyway, it’s a shame, but perhaps the Coffee Kiln should just drop scones (sorry) from their menu and concentrate on their lovely pottery.

View from the window of the Coffee Kiln Café, Bucklyvie
View from the window
A person of principle

Today Donald Trump shook hands with Kim Jong Un but somehow, after all the hype, the world doesn’t seem that much safer. Credit where credit is due however, it may lead to something yet. As might the resignation of Justice minister, Phillip Lee, so that he can vote against the government’s Brexit policy. A person of principle in the British government … wow!

FK8 3LP      tel: 01360 850405       Coffee Kiln Café TA

Scones, self-service, weird

Blossoms Bistro – revisited

It was just over three years ago that we first reviewed the scones at this garden centre tearoom. It being just before the 2015 general election, we spent some time trying to explain our electoral system in scones. The House of Lords consisted of over 900 old and stale scones and, because even the pigeons would not take them, it was impossible to get rid of them … but never mind all that!

This time we are trying to demonstrate to some of our readers who have raised an eyebrow at some of our recent sojourns into sconology. Places like the Connaught and Knockinaam Lodge. Because they are kind of posh and consistently get topscone awards there is a suspicion that we are leaning towards the more expensive scone. Not true, we take our responsibilities earnestly when it comes to something as profoundly serious as scones. A voucher for Blossoms tearoom and bistro at Torwood Garden CentreOn this visit we have a voucher for Blossoms which promised two cream teas for £5. What’s not to like? We did need some plants for the garden as well, it’s that time of year. Internal view of Blossoms tearoom and bistro at Torwood Garden Centre

Alarm bells

When we arrived they were out of fruit scones, only plain and hot cross scones left … hot cross scones? We thought the world had gone mad when Trump was elected but hot cross scones?? It had to be done! We were asked  “synthetic or fresh cream?” Is that actually a question? They brought our tea to the table and said they were preparing our scones. Oh,oh, alarm bells! A hot cross scone at Blossoms tearoom and bistro at Torwood Garden Centre

When they arrived it was easy to see what they meant … they came preloaded, You could say that they were generously loaded so why are we complaining. Well we are complaining because you know by now that when it comes to scones we are DIYers. They tasted spicey like hot cross buns but were definitely on the solid side. The cross on the top was so hard it was inedible. If it was Easter we could maybe understand, but it’s not. So why?

Too good to be true?

A little snippet for your delectation – hot cross buns were simply known as cross buns until a nursery rhyme was written in the 18th century … hot cross buns, hot cross buns! Anyway, you know that saying  “if it seems too good to be true then it probably is” well that pretty well sums up two cream teas for £5. It also sums up politicians who say that Brexit negotiations are going splendidly.

FK5 4EG        tel: 01324 553152           Blossoms Bistro

Ordinary, Scones

Shoreline Café in Craster

Craster is yet another pretty little village on the Northumberland coast. Its main claim to fame, the Craster kipper! They are caught and smoked here then distributed throughout the land. Here’s a question … what do you think the 46th Punjabis and the Tibetan Expedition of 1904 have to do with this village? Give up? Well, the harbour wall was built in 1906 to commemorate Captain John Craster who was shot through the heart while serving with the regiment. His obituary reads “The FIFTH have once more to mourn the loss of a comrade Captain J.C.P. Craster – who was killed in the fighting at the village and monastery on the left bank of the River Gyangtse, in Thibet on the 28th of last month.”  Tibet? … is there a country in the world that Britain has not been at war with?View of Craster village

Craster is very close to Dunstanbourgh Castle which means that it is also very busy with tourists who start here and walk along the coast to reach it.

Dunstanburgh Castle near Caster, Northumberland
the ruined Dunstanburgh Castle … built in 1313 keeping the Scots at bay
Quelle dommage

Besides kippers and castles, Craster also boasts the Shoreline Café. When you walk in you are confronted by a magnificent display of scones … good start. Scone display at the Shoreline Café in Craster, NorthumberlandLike our previous post about the Drift Café in Cresswell this place was buzzing.  So far as we could tell it was the only show in town> However, all the activity needn’t necessarily mean it was good. A scone at the Shoreline Café in Craster, NorthumberlandOur scones, when they arrived with their pots of jam and cream, looked very promising. They did taste very good but so crumbly they were quite difficult to control. Breaking into pieces when you tried to spread them, quelle dommage!

Nevertheless we thoroughly enjoyed them and, with its shop area filled with local arts and crafts, we also like the whole ambience of the place itself. No topscone but well done Shoreline, keep up the good work. Interior view of the Shoreline Café in Craster, NorthumberlandNE66 3TH              tel: 01665 571251             Shoreline Café

Later in the day we had a trip booked to Coquet Island, a must for birdwatchers in this part of the world. The island is owned by Ralph George Algernon Percy. Probably better known to you and I as the 12th Duke of Northumberland. But then he owns almost everything around here.

The ferry to Coquette Island off Amble, Northumberland
Our cruise ship at Amble harbour
Keeperless

Interesting (we promise this is the last time we mention it) that on the eve of the wedding, Theresa May managed to sneek another ten Tory and DUP peers into the Lords. This after promising to reduce the House of Lords last year. The woman knows no shame and it exposes her desperation over Brexit.

When the island’s lighthouse was built in 1841 the Duke ordered that it should look like a castle rather than a lighthouse so as to fit in with all his other castles along the coast. Perish the thought that it should look like a lighthouse! The first lighthouse keeper was the elder brother of the heroic Grace Darling. Nowadays it is keeperless and solar powered.Coquette Island off Amble, Northumberland

The list

Anyway the reason for our trip was to see roseate terns. Coquet is one of the very few places where they exist in the UK. Unbelievably, in the 19th century, exploitation for the millinery trade almost brought this elegant little bird to the edge of extinction. We also saw the other members of the tern family; common, artic and sandwich, as well as loads of puffins, kittiwakes and seals … fab! This signals the end of our trip and the end of Pat’s list. Her grand total was seventy one different species. Amazing when you consider that we never saw a robin or a greenfinch. The birds we see every day at home. Many thanks to our local Scottish Wildlife Trust for organising the event.

For those interested, here is Pat’s list: swallow, starling, song thrush, goldfinch, carion crow, jackdaw, pied wagtail, chaffinch, eider duck, shelduck, magpie, skylark, yellow wagtail, snowy owl, tree sparrow, wheatear, buzzard, chiffchaff, blackbird, mute swan, canada goose, lesser black backed gull, common tern, black headed gull, moorhen, mallard, grey heron, coot, wood pigeon, collared dove, barn owl, artic tern, house martin, pheasant, oystercatcher, common gull, tufted duck, longtailed tit, grey partridge, house sparrow, blue tit, great tit, reed bunting, sedge warbler, blackcap, whitethroat, lapwing, redshank, gadwall duck, cormorant, fulmer, turnstone, feral pigeon, herring gull, avocet, dunlin, stonechat, kestrel, whooper swan, willow warbler, sandwich tern, sand martin, linnet, gannet, greater black backed gull, dunnock, roseate tern, guillemot, puffin, kittiwake, swift.

 

 

 

english, Scones, Top

Connaught Hotel

A Porsche outside the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair, LondonWe managed to squeeze our Porsche 911 GT2 RS in between another sports car and a huge black Rolls Royce outside the front door of the hotel. Seriously, the car pictured above was indeed parked like that. However, with a price tag of £211,000 for the basic model it represents more than we have spent on cars in our entire lifetime. It does 0-60mph in 2.8 secs whereas our first car, a Citroen Dyane named Hal after the computer in the film 2001, A Space Odyssey, could only reach that speed in a following wind. Truthfully, we arrived by black cab.

A couple of sheep

It took us through Mayfair to the Connaught and the streets were lined with  Ferraris and Lamborghinis so this car was not out of place in the slightest. Definitely the place to see swank, if silly, cars. Our favourite car of all time however remains Hal. Not sure you would get a couple of sheep and bale of straw in the back of that Porsche. At least not without knocking £100,000 off the value! Anyway, this is not a car blog!

As you are very well aware we leave no stone unturned in our sconological quests and once again, as we did at Knockinaam Lodge Hotel, we are going that extra mile … entirely on your behalf! The Connaught (like Claridge’s and the Ritz does not require to have “hotel” after its name … you’re just supposed to know) does luxury rather well.

One of the bars at the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair, London
The Coburg Bar

Because we were a sinful few minutes early we were promptly escorted to  the Coburg bar and obliged to drink pink champagne and eat green olives with homemade potato crisps while  they prepared our table … nice! We had hardly begun when they announced that the table was ready but that we could take as long as we liked over our champagne. Nice again! Internal view of the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair, London

Dream Tea

When we did eventually sit down to our afternoon tea it was in the very comfortable Jean-Georges restaurant. It had a huge wrap round window so that we could sit and watch the mega-rich going past outside wondering which, if any of them, was not involved in money laundering. Afternoon tea at the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair, LondonFirst thing we had to do was decide on tea … there was no coffee option! Pat opted for a green tea called Gyokuro, made by gently steaming the leaves in pure volcanic water and promising to taste of roasted Fuji apples and tender meringue.

I, having only a vague grasp on reality, opted for Dream Tea, an infusion of the finest chamomile, verbena, lemongrass and mint … wake me up somebody! We’ve seen the correct way to taste posh tea …. you suck it noisily through your teeth, swill it vigorously around your mouth before jettisoning it into a spittoon. But this did not seem like either the time or the place. Interestingly both teas looked and tasted amazingly like hot water … but refreshing nevertheless to our PG Tips palates.

Curd, or not?

We could go on endlessly about the biscuit dogs for dipping in chocolate. Or the Truffle egg mayonnaise sandwiches. Or the Rhubarb Compote with Fromage Blanc but you just want to know about the scones. Don’t you! Needless to say they were delicious. There was a fruit and a plain for each of us, beautifully glazed on top and nicely presented in a silver basket. They were accompanied by homemade strawberry jam, Cornish clotted cream and lemon curd … fab. The lemon curd, however, presented us with something of a quandry … cream with curd, or not?

We should know the answer but, since this is the first time we have been presented with the problem, we don’t. We went ‘with’ and it was nice enough but aesthetically a bit insipid looking. Thoughts on this dilemma would be most welcome. Scones at the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair, LondonThe fruit ones had delightfully succulent golden fruit rather than the usual black sultanas. All in all it was a pretty obvious topscone.

However, we don’t want readers running away with the idea that it was all plain sailing. We had had to switch champagnes for the afternoon tea. At one point,Pat even had to pour her own tea!! In the toilets there was someone to greet you. They turned on the taps for you and handed you a beautiful fluffy white hand towel. Too much! The thought of these poor sods standing in a toilet all day, albeit a marbled temple of a toilet, waiting to turn your taps on … arrgghh!

Pouring one’s own tea

They might even wipe bums for the Rees Moggs of this world but we’re not sure. At any rate the very nice gentleman who turned on my taps has probably been deported by now under Theresa May‘s fantastically disgraceful immigration regime. The Connaught must have hundreds of staff. We met quite a few of them and not one of them was British. Does this mean that we will all have to pour our own tea and wipe our own bums after Brexit? Sacré bleu! Afternoon tea at the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair, LondonTo top it all off the staff presented us with a beautiful little box with some extra scones and jams as we left … wonderful. Or maybe it was the Dream Tea kicking in?

W1K 2AL          tel: 020 7499 7070            The Connaught

english, Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Costa Coffee

The main street in East Sheen is festooned with lovely new coffee shops so you would think that it would be relatively easy to find a scone. Not necessarily so. We tried several such establishments which all had loads of cakes and pastries but no scones. One place didn’t even seem to know what a scone was … mon Dieu! What seems to be happening is that the new independent cafés and restaurants are  all going down the same route. We think it might be called the hipster route. They all look very similar and they all serve the same pretend healthy stuff. Perhaps they don’t do scones because they have to be fresh and are just too much trouble?  Internal view of Costa Coffee in East Sheen

Only marmalade!

Normally we try to give our custom to independent coffee and tea houses rather than the multinationals. Today, however, in this buzzing area of south west London, it was down to Costa Coffee, the second biggest multinational, to come to the rescue. They had fruit scones and they had cheese scones, hurrah!  In places like this our expectations are never that high and we feared that after some very indifferent service at the counter and the place being a wee bit untidy, that these expectations were being realised. A scone at Costa Coffee in East SheenWhen it came to the scones however we were very pleasantly surprised … they were warm and probably had the most fruit we have had in a scone in a long time. No cream and the only jam they had was marmalade. Heyho, we like to be adventurous.
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Government opposing themselves

Given the overall experience this was nowhere near a topscone. Having said that, however,it wasn’t at all bad. At least Costa is British. Starbucks coming to the rescue would have been too much to bear! Englandshire is going through its local government elections at the moment. Even though London voted overwhelmingly, like Scotland, to stay in the EU the biggest issue in this area seems to be weekly bin collections rather than Brexit! What with everything that has been going on, our present government should be the easiest in living memory to oppose. However the Labour party seems to have failed yet again in that department. The Tories are actually doing a better job of opposing themselves than Labour and are still coming off best in the elections!A logo sign at Costa Coffee in East SheenSW14 7NX                  tel: 020 8878 0351                    Costa

Ordinary, Scones

The Portonian Bakery

This is a bit of a nostalgia trip for us, or at least for me … and it’s only three miles from home! In spite of the short distance we hardly ever visit Grangemouth because it’s not the place it used to be. Not that a town whose main feature is a petrochemical refinery was ever a must-see destination for anyone. Having said that, Grangemouth during the day unfortunately always looks like Grangemouth but at night, if you squidge your eyes a bit, with all its myriad of twinkly lights, it looks like Vegas.

General dogsbody

Back in the good old days, however, it did have a lot more going for it. I started my working life directly across from the Portonian Bakery & Tea Rooms in what was then Lumley Street. The architect Philip Cocker, in his offices next to the Bon Accord pub, was my lucky employer. I was head dogsbody. Used and abused by all the staff but it was a great, I thoroughly enjoyed my time there. At lunchtime we could wander down to the refinery, then owned by BP, and use their excellent canteen facilities. Not sure we were supposed to be there but, in those days, no one seemed to mind. After work, on the way home, you could take a wee detour through the docks gazing up at the ships. Wondering where they had come from and where they were going to next.

Today, everything is very different and none of it for the better. Cocker’s and the Bon Accord no longer exist. In fact Lumley Street itself has disappeared, replaced by the awful concrete edifice that is the La Porte Precinct shopping centre. The refinery, now Ineos, is still there but owned by one man and there is no way he is going to allow you anywhere near the place never mind let you in for lunch. The docks are fenced off … Bin Laden saw to that. As Trump so eloquently puts it … sad! Internal view of the Portonian Bakery and Tea Room in Grangemouth

When I worked across the road, the 60s style building that now houses The Portonian Bakery & Tea Rooms was a Victorian tenement with shops on the ground floor and houses above accessed by open spiral stone stairs round the back. The tearoom gets its name from the fact that natives of Grangemouth are referred to as Portonians.

Price wars

Already depressed by the state of the shopping centre we came in here for a spot of lunch. At first, it didn’t do much to lighten our mood. The multinational Costa coffee house across the road was strangely empty but this place was busy busy. What was going on? Eventually we worked out that it had to be down to price. We had a light lunch of sandwiches and a scone with coffee and a peppermint tea for the price of a couple of coffees in Costa. If it’s a price war that’s going on we know who is winning. That did lighten the mood considerably. A scone at the Portonian Bakery and Tea Room in GrangemouthWith it being a bakery we had relatively high hopes that the scones would be topnotch. They were good but with an overall softness which is not to our own particular taste.

Now, answer this question … why are packs of frozen butter so often served with soft scones?? Unless you put them in your trouser pocket our down your cleavage for a couple of minutes it is nigh on impossible to spread them. In the end they were okay but probably not as good as their strawberry tarts. We didn’t have any strawberry tarts but we thought the picture might stimulate your salivary glands.Strawberry tarts at the Portonian Bakery and Tea Room in Grangemouth

Battle of Grangemouth

Since Westminster has been going about bullying other countries into agreeing with them about how utterly dastardly Russia is, there has been barely a mention of Brexit. As distraction politics goes it has worked perfectly … what next? In 2013, politics, or at least Labour politics, took a bit of a bashing here in Grangemouth in what became known in some quarters as the Battle of Grangemouth. Not a battle as such, more of an almighty industrial dispute. It did mark the moment however when the labour movement finally lost its way. It descended into factionalism and Jim Ratcliffe, the owner of Ineos, rode off into the sunset with a grin like the proverbial Cheshire cat.

Even with Corbyn in charge, the Labour party still has not found its way. The other day they voted with the Conservatives to oust the popularly elected SNP administration in our own Falkirk Council … unbelievable. Poor old Keir Hardie, would be spinning in his grave. Nice as this trip down memory lane was we probably won’t be back anytime soon … too many memories.

FK3 8AW         no telephone          Portonian Bakery & Tea Rooms FB