Tag Archives: Brexit

The Angel Cafe

6 February 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Readers are aware by now that we have a global network of correspondents keeping us informed of their scone adventures in far off places. Here we have a tale of every day life in southern Queensland. An Aussie mini scone adventure which is so delightful we can do no better than quote it verbatim.

Country Women of Australia

As always we are “in a rush”, had to get across town to Spotlight to purchase new blinds. It seems like quite a journey through the back streets of Toowoomba. My husband does not like going in straight lines, liking to miss the traffic lights. By doing this I know it takes an extra twenty minutes, but me being the “submissive little wife” I don’t complain! He must have been feeling the distance too as the suggestion for a “coffee” came up. (We don’t do tea so much here in Australia, coffee more our thing!). I am not one to knock back an invitation so agreed immediately!

A scone at the Angel Cafe in Toowoomba — Scone and plastic grass

Here we were Southtown, right outside The Angel Cafe. The popularity of this little cafe wanes from time to time, however there is not much choice enroute to Spotlight. Imagine our delight when we saw ‘scones’ on the menu! We each ordered one and found a table on th

e deck, complete with synthetic grass! Our coffees and scones were duly served – now for the taste test. Naturally the first observation is visually- bet they don’t have scones the size of these in the UK!

I guarantee they would have been 5” in diameter. Very generous serving of strawberry jam (about half a jar I would suggest!), however the ‘cream’ was squirted out of a pressure pack – no clotted cream here. Nonetheless, there was that burnished golden top and on breaking, it appeared light and fluffy. These are all rules the CWA (Country Women of Australia) judges would insist on. Mouth watering visually and flavoursome on first bite. Is there anything more dignified than warm scones smeared with jam and dolloped with cream? Well done Angel Cafe! Great stopover on our shopping mission – what made it even better was the blinds were on special!

We have to admit to laughing out loud at the “submissive little wife” bit. And no, we don’t have many 5″ scones over here. Many thanks to J & P. We haven’t had a scone from Ayres Rock yet, or the Opera House … just saying!

Obligations

What our corespondents, and indeed all other Australians, may be unaware of, is their obligations on March 30th. It’s when the UK becomes a sort of ‘billy no mates’ state after leaving the EU. On that date Australia along with all the other countries the UK has used and abused over the centuries will be expected to come to its rescue.

For example, Scotland will expect Australia to take up the slack on its lost export market in live haggis. This shouldn’t be a problem provided they are contained. Don’t worry a haggis husbandry manual comes with them. We’re unsure how escapees would take to the dry and the flatness, however, should they thrive, a haggis fence maybe the only answer. You may also notice a change in your menfolk. Instead of course, XXXX swilling, foulmouthed specimens you may find exemplary rustic haggis fed men requesting cabers as birthday presents. We do realise you only have rough scrub over there but, by a stroke of good luck, Scotland exports cabers as well. It’ll all be fine! At least, that’s what they’re telling us over here.

QLD 4350 tel: +61 7 4636 3177 The Angel FB

Ordinary, Scones

Offshore

4 February 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 13 Comments

Paul Graham, en plein air on the Isle of Coll — En plein air on the Isle of Coll

One of our photographic friends, Paul Graham, was having a launch exhibition of his paintings at the Annan Gallery. It’s on Woodlands Road in Glasgow. A talented photographer for most of his life Paul has now veered more towards art. He works ‘en plein air’ which is his hifalutin way of saying ‘outside’. Paul does though! He sets his easel up in all sorts of situations and climatic conditions and gets to work, For some of the fab results see his blog. Anyway, much as we appreciate Paul’s work we were really only here for the champagne. Once that was finished there was nothing left to do except go for a scone. Okay, okay, that may seem slightly shallow but at least we were in a good mood for a scone.

Not far from the gallery we came across this place, Offshore, on Gibson Street. We mention the street simply because it was once home to the legendary Shish Mahal Indian restaurant. Back in the day, it used to be one of the few places you could get alcohol late on a Sunday evening. Typical order might have been ‘five chapatis and ten pints of lager‘. It had to close in Gibson Street because of subsidence but is still going strong in nearby Park Street. One of it’s close competitors, the Koh-i-Noor actually collapsed into the river Kelvin. Anyway, we digress!

Cursory wipes

Offshore looks a little bit as if it has been dragged from the Kelvin. A wee bit bedraggled. However this is student territory and since when were students put off by a bit of tawdriness? It had that studenty feel. Lots of folk, who looked like they had been there all day, reading books or fiddling with their laptops. We had to ask for our table to be cleared and cleaned. They did clear it but cleaning was nothing more than a cursory wipe. It needed more than a cursory wipe!

There were only rather large fruit scones available and a request for cream only produced a withering look. Toasted scones were not a problem however and they came accompanied by butter and a sachet of Nashville strawberry jam. We have only ever come across this north American preserve once before in Bob & Bert’s. My coffee cup had a major crack running all the way down but we guessed that they didn’t throw them away until they actually started leaking. I was fortunate in that mine, against all expectations, seemed to still be retaining its contents quite well.

Now you may think that this is all heading in one direction but the scones were damnably good. Warm and soft and quite delicious … even with American jam! We had thought, since they were not doing anything else right, that the scones would be similarly handicapped. However, had it not been for all the other problems these would definitely have been topscones. Maybe it was the champagne?
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Deserting the sinking ship

Offshore isn’t only where the wealthy keep their filthy lucre. It’s also where most people would like to be as Brexit wends its weary way towards some sort of cataclysmic conclusion. We don’t mean this café, we mean anywhere other than the UK. What irony! Principally, it was the north of England that voted to leave the EU. Now, one of the main industries in the north of England, Nissan, has announced it’s abandoning the UK to build their latest model elsewhere. Why? Because of Brexit. The north of England has many reasons to feel hard done by but it had little to do with the EU. It was just a really crappy conservative government here in the UK blaming the EU for its own shortcomings. It beggars belief that we are still pressing on, like lemmings, towards the cliff edge.

A plan

It was mainly old folk who voted for Brexit … young folk cannot remember anything other than the EU. The elderly also denied Scotland its independentence in 2014 … frightened about their pensions, Consequently we have come up with a plan. Everybody who is one year older than me should be shot. This plan will undoubtedly have a few critics however it would mean that most people would then vote correctly … simple! Some older friends might be saying “but what about us?” We realise there’s a downside but as Theresa would say “trust me, I know what is best for the country and this is the only way”.

In such dire circumstances my cracked mug doesn’t seem quite so important any more.

G12 8NU tel: 0141 341 0110 Offshore TA

Ordinary, Scones

Glencoe House Hotel

24 January 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

Donald Smith was brought up in Forres, near Inverness but ended up as Mr Hudson’s Bay Company and owning half of Canada. He became soooo rich even British Royalty welcomed him as a friend. Yes, he was that rich! In later life however he wanted to bring his family back to live in his native Scotland.

View over Glencoe House c1900 towards Loch Leven — Old post card view c1900 over Glencoe House towards Loch Leven – Highland Libraries

Fascinated with the romanticism and history of Glencoe he bought the entire estate in 1895. Then, as a token of his love for his Canadian born wife, Isabella, he built Glencoe House. He even tried to landscape it to look like her native NW Canada. It didn’t work, however, Bella was homesick for Canada and never took to Glencoe House. By that time Donald Smith had transmogrified into Lord Strathcona. He actually wanted to be known as Lord Glencoe but, because of its historic associations, was advised against it. ‘Strathcona’ is a Gaelic version of Glencoe.

Colonsay

He also bought one of our favourite islands, the Isle of Colonsay. A painting by Alan Morgan of one of our favourite beaches hangs in the great hall here at Glencoe House. The current Lord Strathcona still lives in Colonsay House. How ridiculous is it that such titles can be handed on from generation to generation by virtue of simply being born?

Glencoe Lochan

Anyway, this preamble is simply to let you know that Lord Strathcona’s house is now Glencoe House Hotel and for the past few days, for us, it has also been our home. You know that a place is suitable for a couple of illustrious sconeys when you are met at the door by a kilted gentleman bearing champagne. At home in Falkirk we haven’t had any snow at all this winter. Here, at the hotel, there was a full inch. Being ushered inside therefore, glass in hand, to sit in front of a huge roaring log fire was no great hardship.

View of Ben Bhan from the lochan at Glencoe House Hotel — View over Glencoe lochan towards snow covered Sgorr Bhan

It wasn’t all day pampering, we actually went outside sometimes. The Glencoe Lochan was only a hundred yards away and it was where we used to live in our climbing days. In the boathouse to be precise. Concrete floor, no door and no facilities whatsoever but it saved putting up a tent. Happy days, I certainly knew how to treat a girl. Presumably we were made of sterner stuff back then. Apparently the boathouse succumbed to a BBQ incident a few years back so it’s no longer there. Pity, it would have been nice to see it again.

Ice climbing

Just a few miles away, Kinlochleven plays home to Ice Factor, the world’s biggest ice climbing wall. It is 500 tonnes of real snow and is 12m high and we had never visited before. Contained within a gigantic fridge, it’s impressive to say the least. There are also loads of rock climbing walls and bouldering facilities elsewhere in the building.

Part of the ice wall at Ice Factor in Kinlochleven — part of the base of the ice wall at Ice Factor

The cafe at Ice Factor, however, was a scone free zone. What are they thinking about? Not to worry, we had taken the precaution of asking the ever helpful staff at the hotel if we could have some scones later in the day.

So it was that after a strenuous day looking at fabulous views and ice walls we arrived back at the hotel just before dark. We had to sit by the big log fire again … again! Then our scones arrived beautifully presented on a slate cake-stand topped off with biscuits and strawberries. There were two each and they came with loads of jam and cream. Could we eat them all, that was the big question? Somewhat predictably perhaps I did but Pat had to leave one of hers.

Comfy

Sitting here all toasty on a big comfy sofa eating scones it was hard to think that the boathouse was once what we looked forward to every single weekend in winter. It also made you wonder what was wrong with Lord Strathcona’s missus that she didn’t like these much more luxurious surroundings. Things like Brexit and the price of bread had long since been completely forgotten. Unfortunately the scones were rather disappointing with a slightly bread-like taste and texture. We have had much better so no topscone for Glencoe House Hotel. Pity, everything else was perfect.

Lord Strathcona and staff at Glencoe House — Lord and Lady Strathcona with family and staff at Glencoe House

PH49 4HT tel: 01855 811179 Glencoe House

Scones, Top

Peacock Alley

17 January 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Hello, hello, the UK here! Is there anybody out there? Has the US gone to war with N. Korea, or Iran, or Mexico? Is there any wall building going on? What about the gilet jaune? We ask because recently we have had no news whatsoever. Wall to wall coverage of journalists asking experts Brexit questions to which they don’t know the answers. The journalists know the experts don’t know the answers but they ask anyway … over and over and over. When they get bored of experts they go and ask the man in the street for answers … aaarggghhh! Such is the state of UK media and politics.

After the most disastrous week ever in the history of British politics, she with no shame, has promised to listen to others. Woopeedoo! Now, rather than take this wondrous opportunity, Corbyn has gone in the huff, refusing to talk. Over the past year he has been half savaged to death by principles jumping up and biting him but he hasn’t recognised any of them. Now he has suddenly discovered one … ‘no talks without a guarantee of No Hard Brexit’! Absolutely brilliant Jeremy. Considering most of your backers voted for exactly the opposite, absolutely brilliant! No wonder the EU is scratching its twenty seven heads.

How to spend money

Let us take you away from all that for just a moment. Today we are on a mission to spend some money. Eh? More difficult than you might imagine. We decided to take a trip into Edinburgh and go see ‘Colette’ at the cinema. The concessionary rail ticket didn’t cost much. The Cameo Picturehouse didn’t cost anything … we’re members. Afterwards we took a bus into the town centre and it didn’t cost anything either. How do you spend money in Scotland? Okay, you’ve guessed … scones. So far we have not discovered anywhere that does free scones, or even concessionary scones but rest assured, when we do, you will be the first to know.

By the way Colette, starring Keira Knightley was enjoyable enough. Beautifully photographed and well acted but, for us, it just never quite got going.

Strutting

Anyway the bus dropped us off right outside the Waldorf Astoria. It was the bus that did it … honest! On previous visits we have gone to the Pompadour restaurant but at this time of day it had to be Peacock Alley. It is situated in what used to be the forecourt of the old Princes Street Station. Peacock Alley gets its name from the original Waldorf Astoria which opened in 1897 where the Empire State Building stands today. It had a corridor where the rich and powerful could strut their stuff. When we arrived there were already several other rich and powerful people there. Things got decidedly awkward for a while as we all flaunted our rival plumage. Eventually things simmered down and we were able to take our seats and order some lunch … and a cream tea.

The station clock at Peacock Alley at Waldorf Astoria, Edinburgh — The old station clock which was always 5 minutes fast and still is.

Paul, who was looking after us and had obviously been impressed by our performance, asked us to go easy on him since he had only been in the job a few days. He was still learning. No problem, all our angst was directed towards the vast tea menu. Eventually Pat opted for Blue Lady. A blend of mallow and marigold flowers and flavoured with grapefruit. I’m not allowed grapefruit so it was the Peacock Alley blend for me. Apparently it’s inspired by the history of the railway station. Lapsang souchong, roasted oolong combined with specially selected Scottish whisky. Normally we just laugh at these descriptions but the Peacock Alley blend did taste a bit smokey with just a hint of train driver’s overalls.

The scones come two by two

We had some lunch and were ready for our cream teas. Unexpectedly, the scones in a cream tea come as a warm brace. Help, would we manage both? Initially we thought “no way” however they were so good we eventually polished off the lot. The warm scones together with pineapple and passion fruit jam and clotted cream were absolutely delicious. Topscone. They weren’t exactly cheap but you don’t get surroundings like this and the services of Paul for nothing. At the end of the day we were able to spend some money … mission accomplished!

Back to the reality and the chaos of Brexit! Perhaps the UK should take a leaf out of Trump’s book? Did we actually just say that? Lock up all our MPs without pay until they come to a consensus. In the circumstances we think that, since the experts are completely clueless perhaps the decision should be put back to the man in the street. Not every man in the street, just the one who wants to stay in the EU.

Just think! If Scotland had got its independence in 2014 we could have avoided all this nonsense. We could just have looked on and laughed like the rest of the world. As The Donald would say … sad! The sooner Scotland ditches Westminster the better … FREEDOM!!

EH1 2AB tel: 0131 222 8945 Peacock

Ordinary, Scones

The Bay Hotel

11 January 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 2 Comments

What a guy, what a hero, what a romantic! He had just seen off the Vikings at the Battle of Largs. Now, here he was riding from Edinburgh to Kinghorn on a dark stormy night to be with his wife on her birthday the following day. The Milk Tray Man would have been proud.

King Alexander III monument near the Bay Hotel at Pettycur Bay — The Alexander III monument near Kinghorn where he died on 18 March 1286

Birthday celebrations

It was not to be, however. His horse fell and he was found dead on the shore the following morning. Alexander III, the last Celtic King of Scots had been advised that the ride from Edinburgh was too dangerous. But would he listen? All Alexander’s three children died young so he left no heirs. The period of instability that followed would eventually lead to war with England. Oh no, not again! When Alexander died Queen Yolande was left waiting in Kinghorn having a memorable birthday for all the wrong reasons. Out of respect for her husband she would not have been sampling scones here at the Bay Hotel. We were however! Not out of disrespect you understand, just plain necessity!

Cream teas

After an exhilarating walk through the rocks and along the sand dodging plummeting witches (more of that later), we were in need of refreshment. We had spotted the Bay Hotel from the beach so we made our way there. It’s a strange kind of place. Probably set up to cater for the huge caravan park that surrounds it. It has a leisure centre with a beautiful swimming pool but we were only looking for one thing … and it wasn’t a swim.

A fruit scone was no problem but when we inquired about cream they asked if we would prefer a cream tea . A cream tea it was. The terrace looking over the river towards Edinburgh on the far shore was very tempting. However, lovely day as it was, still the middle of January so we opted for inside. The restaurant was obviously designed to cater for a multitude rather than just us and one or two others. A little bit soulless. Although not a topscone we thoroughly enjoyed it. We should have sat outside though … the Vikings would have!

Suffice to say that we had a much more enjoyable day in Kinghorn than Queen Yolande.

New profession

We came to Kinghorn for a walk along the beach at Pettycur. It’s all rather beautiful, especially on a day like today. However, we were not that far from the Clock Tower Café in Pittenweem where attentive readers will remember the fate of poor Janet Cornfoot. Yes, this is that part of Scotland where, at one time, all women must have lived in fear of their lives. Hard to imagine that this little town gave rise to a brand new profession … witch-pricking! The holders of these witch-pricking jobs, usually the local clergy, were responsible for inserting long wires into alleged witches in search of pain sensitivity and the presence of blood?? They were also responsible for interpreting the results. Let’s hazard a guess. If they found no blood and no sensitivity to pain, that would indeed have been a witch. Probably didn’t work like that though.
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View towards Edinburgh from the Bay Hotel at Pettycur Bay — Vie from the Bay … Arthur’s Seat in the middle distance

Kinghorn was a centre for witchcraft trials so most of the skilled witch-prickers were based there. As we walked along the beach we could look up at the ring inserted in the cliff face to which witches were chained and burned. If leniency was being shown they were only half burned before being thrown to their deaths while still chained to the ring. The sudden stop snapped them in half.

Many of these witches were accused of meeting with the Devil and, in most of those allegations, the Devil was disguised as a man. Goodness, surely not? Anyway, in 1644, Katherine Wallenge was the last poor woman to be treated in this vile manner. Consequently, all witch-prickers became redundant. Except? No it couldn’t be! We wonder if a modern form of witch-pricking has been resurrected in Westminster.

Return of the witch-prickers

Theresa May must feel a bit like Katherine Wallenge with all her colleagues sticking it to her. However, when it comes to Brexit, Theresa’s mantra that only her deal can deliver the Brexit that ‘the people’ voted for overlooks one vital fact. The people didn’t vote for some highfalutin deal with the satanic EU. Based on the garbage they had been fed by the politicians and media they just wanted OUT… simple! So unless she delivers a hard Brexit she will have failed to deliver what ‘the people’ voted for. “Stop all this silly bickering and get on with it” is what they would say. Of course it would result in the biggest act of self-harm in recorded history. Not exactly sure how they would measure it but we can almost see the Guinness Book of Records folk gathering surreptitiously in the background.

KY3 9YE tel: 01592 892222 The Bay

Telephone news

You’ll never guess what we found round the back of the Bay Hotel. Please don’t ask why we were round there. Yes, you’re right, a K8 telephone box. The K7, like the K5 never made it into production so the K6 which we all know and love was followed, in 1968, by the K8. Made entirely of cast iron, about 11,000 were produced. Now there are only 54 registered as still in existence. Wonder if this one is registered? It was in bad shape but was still proudly wearing the Lion Foundry badge. Okay, okay, we really do need to get a life. While we are on the subject The Pedant has kindly sent a photo of a fully functioning K6 in Stow-on-the-Wold. Made in Falkirk … yeagh, quality!

Ordinary, Scones

The Fork & Mustard

21 December 2018 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

Confusion

Joyous news, this may be the last scone you have to endure this year. Of course, it’s also an opportunity for us to wish everyone a Merry Christmas but first perhaps we can enlist your help. We are confused! “No surprise there”, we hear you say.

You probably think it’s Brexit, but it’s not! Brexit’s not confusing, its just stupid. No, it’s because we are bombarded with adverts on TV asking us to send £3 to save a child or a donkey somewhere. Plus the news that 600 homeless people have died in mega rich England this year. Okay, you agree, that’s pretty awful, but what’s confusing about it?

Well, while we may feel guilty about all that, we simultaneously pay, ‘The Chosen One’, the imbecilic Jose Mourinho £18m per season to manage Manchester United badly. Then we fork out an additional £15m just to see him off the premises. Little wonder he has spent the last two and a half years living in a five star hotel. You might say that we don’t actually pay him but of course, in reality, we do, albeit indirectly. Why do we, as a society, do that? That’s what’s confusing!

Are we completely blind to donkeys and homeless people when we would rather pay a complete idiot ludicrous amounts of money for doing something which is of no importance whatsoever? If £3 saves a donkey, get it to do the job! We’re certain Man U would do just as well … or badly. However, we don’t want to worry you just before Christmas so we have come up with an answer of our own.

Andy Murray and Tiger Woods

A tea cosy at the Fork & Mustard Café, Falkirk — Fork & Mustard tea cosyt

The world’s New Year resolution for 2019 should be to completely eradicate all professional sport … simple! It only brings out the worst in folk and we think the world would be a much happier place without any of it. Precisely nothing would be lost. Except maybe the Andy Murrays and Tiger Woods with their entourages of physiotherapists, doctors, dietitians and psychiatrists. But that’s not really sport, it’s cheating! Tennis, golf and the like would still be played, still be televised and be even more exciting. Anyway, you will no doubt be delighted to hear that that’s our pre-Christmas rant over.

Tasmanian waiters at the Fork & Mustard

While we were pondering which ridiculous high paid job Jose would end up in next we arrived here, at the Fork & Mustard. In keeping with the ever changing face of Falkirk, up until a year ago this place was called Shy Violet. The lady who welcomed us had one of those super bubbly personalities you immediately warm to. When we asked how she came by the name ‘Fork & Mustard’ we got a fairly lengthy tale about an Italian waiter in Tasmania who kept misunderstanding what was being said to him. He thought he was being asked for a ‘fork and mustard’ whereas they were actually saying unkind things involving sweary words that we couldn’t possibly repeat here. Suffice to say this Fork & Mustard is unique. The only one in the world.

Sweetness

They have the modern necessity, a vegan and gluten free menu. We actually have some sympathy with the guy who killed the cow because it was eating the vegan’s food. Most things are made on the premises. Some from hand me down family recipes “just like granny used to make.” How would granny’s scones be? When Pat’s tea came it was in a rather novel glass teapot that automatically drained and filtered the tea leaves when it was placed on top of the cup. And we thought we had seen everything! Our scone was very good, packed with fruit but we felt that granny had put in a little bit too much sugar for our taste. No topscone but we enjoyed this place very much. It had a great atmosphere, created entirely by the super helpful staff. We will be back.

Open goals

Another thing we are confused about. How does the Labour party manage to make such a mess of opposition? The Tories have given them sooo many open goals. Okay, no one has any idea what they stand for. And, of course, they have shot themselves in the foot so often they should be referred to a self-harming clinic. But apart from that? It’s very confusing! In Tasmania they would probably refer to Corbyn as a useless ‘fork & mustard’.

Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year to all our readers.

FK1 1HX tel: 01324 637 374 The Fork and Mustard

Ordinary, Scones

1884 Bo’ness

14 December 2018 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

Today we are at 1884 Bo’ness. Readers will be aware that from time to time, we go to the cinema. More often than not we go to the Hippodrome in Bo’ness, Scotland’s oldest picture palace. And, more often than not, we go in the morning, just because we can! We are not quite sure why, because on the face of it it is a perfectly normal thing to do, but it still seems vaguely sinful. It’s not so much going in, it’s coming out when it’s not even lunchtime!

Anyway, us sinners went to see Mike Leigh’s Peterloo today and we had no worries about coming out before lunch. At two and a half hours, it’s something of an epic. It’s all about democracy in 1819 and the British government’s attempts to drown it at birth. They did not want common folk getting ideas above their station like the dastardly French. Four years earlier us Brits had given Napoleon a jolly good thrashing at the Battle of Waterloo and, sadly, our ruling classes looked on the Peterloo Massacre of its own people in a similarly triumphant light. This was amply illustrated by the fact that it actually took place at Petersfield in Manchester but was adapted to Peterloo as a warning to other potential upstarts.

Democracy

Anyway the take home message of the film was that we’ve not come very far in the intervening centuries. The UK is still the least democratic of all European states and, of course, democracy has yet to be discovered in Scotland.

After almost three hours of fairly intense viewing however, sustenance was definitely required. Just a short distance from the cinema we came across 1884 Bo’ness, a new café /restaurant. It had only opened a few weeks previously. The rather ancient looking exterior belies its nice modern welcoming interior. It does everything you would expect of a ‘kitchen grille’ but, of course, scones were the main attraction for us. When we asked why it was called ‘1884’, we were told it was because it was carved in stone on the outside of the building. It’s construction date. As good a reason as any and for brother and sister owners, David and Kirstie Stein it’s become rather habit forming. They also run very successful businesses, 1807 in Linlithgow and 1912 in Bathgate.

We decided on a fruit scone and opted for their offer of it being toasted. It was wonderfully warm when it arrived and came with plenty prepackaged jam, butter and whipped cream. It would have been nicer to have had a dish of jam, a pat of butter and some clotted cream but that wasn’t to be. Sadly, no topscone but we enjoyed everything about 1884 Bo’ness and would certainly return on our next cinema visit.

1884 and all that

While this building was being constructed in 1884 there were other things happening elsewhere.

Here in Scotland, in scenes that must have been reminiscent of Peterloo, Royal Marines and police arrived in naval vessels at the tiny village of Uig on the Isle of Skye to help a landowner evict crofters from his Kilmuir estate.
Otto von Bismarck declared South Africa a German colony.
In the US, Alaska became a US territory and on Coney Island the first roller coaster went into action with a thrilling top speed of 6mph.
Batchelor, Grover Cleveland became President of America in spite of admitting to fathering a child in his youth. It gave rise to the chant used against him “Ma, Ma, where‘s my Pa? Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha!”.
John Harvey Kellogg, patented “flaked cereal” (cornflakes) which he intended as a ‘healthy, ready-to-eat anti-masturbatory morning meal’!
In France the Statue of Liberty was presented to the US and Claude Monet painted “La Corniche near Monaco.”
In the UK, Greenwich was accepted as the universal time meridian of longitude though France refused to accept it for another thirty years.
The Gaelic Athletic Association was founded in Ireland

Cornflakes

From this list we can reasonably deduce that the world has always been slightly mad. Though perhaps not quite as mad as it is today. The EU has sent Theresa May packing. Her attempts to bring about an acceptable Brexit deal seem almost as futile as Kellog’s ambitions for his breakfast cereal.

Wall decoration in the form of a cows skull at 1884 Kitchen and Grill, Boness — wall decoration at 1884

EH51 0EA tel: 01506 829946 1884 Kitchen and Grill FB

Scones, Top

Darcy’s – Princes Square

28 November 2018 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Sometimes you just get the urge. You just fancy something! Maybe you fancy a classic mojito, perhaps a strawberry fizz mocktail; maybe a spot of face painting; or even a full blown lunch with private dining; maybe some live music. Or maybe you just want to stay in the EU or maybe you just never want to hear of Brexit ever again! Well, you can have all of these (except the last two) at Darcy’s in Glasgow’s Princes Square. All Ted Baker and Vivienne Westwood, Princes Square is a rather upmarket glitzy shopping centre. Darcy’s is just one of a dozen restaurants.

Christmas lights in Royal Exchange Square, Glasgow — Christmas comes to Glasgow’s Royal Exchange Square

Epic messes

It was over two years ago that we were here having afternoon tea at Cranachan and berating them for serving fully loaded scones. As you all know by now, a cardinal sin in our eyes. We were also feeling a bit sorry for Jeremy Corbyn. He had just done unexpectedly well in the general election but was being given a hard time for not singing while everyone else was trying to enlist God’s help in saving HRH. Things haven’t got any better for him in the intervening years but it’s all of his own making. Any sympathy we may have had has long since evaporated. Unbelievably, he actually might even have a chance of winning a general election should one be called. Not because of anything he has done but simply because of the epic mess the Tories are currently making of just about everything..

Okay, okay what about Darcy’s scones? It’s busy busy and there was only a single table left when we arrived. The whole place had a nice buzz about it. That buzz however may have given rise to a slight hiccup at the beginning when, having waited for about five minutes, we had to go and find someone to serve us. However, after that we were looked after very well. Our scones came on very large plates which we were sure were the same as we had when reviewing our Liberty of London scone. That was also over two years ago so how sad is it that we remember things like the plates? My coffee was great and came complete with a little amaretti biscuit … nice!.

Anyway the plates certainly didn’t cramp our lovely warm fruit scones … nicely presented with a pat of butter, a pot of the ubiquitous Tiptree jam and a ramekin of cream with a strawberry on top. What’s not to like? In the end we decide to forgive the hiatus in service and award a topscone. Well done Darcy’s.

Face painting

Just in case we have fired up anyone’s interest in face painting, it takes place every Sunday between 1 and 3pm and everyone goes home with a balloon! Remember to have a scone as well!

French newspaper covering at Darcy's Café, Prices Square, Glasgow — Pillars covered in old French newspapers??

Landing on Mars

We weaved our way back to the railway station through dozens of beggers sitting in the wet and cold. We also learned that we have successfully landed a spaceship on Mars … hurragh! With all these beggers, food banks and 1 in 4 children living in poverty, lets hope, if they find anything at all on Mars, it’s a moral compass?

G1 3JN tel: 0845 166 6012 Darcy’s

ps: Attention all telephone box enthusiasts. Obviously this not a K6 but a somewhat different concrete police telephone box. The only similarity to a K6 is that its door is also made of teak. Originally all police telephone boxes were coloured red and only changed to blue because of the popularity of Dr Who. None of the BBC’s props have actually been true to the original design. The explanation is that its chameleon circuits sometimes drift a little if left in the same position for too long. This particular TARDIS in Buchanan Street did not really contain a huge Bier Halle full of drunken Germans. Although we didn’t actually look inside??

Ordinary, Scones

Café Trio

23 November 2018 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

View of Falkirk Steeple — Falkirk Steeple on the High Street

You know how we were moaning in our previous post about the demise of Falkirk’s high street, well this evolution, that many other towns are also experiencing, is pretty relentless. The consequences can sometimes be unexpected. Spaces left by failed shops usually get filled by enterprises that can’t be accessed online i.e. hairdressers and cafés. Falkirk is now awash with both. That in itself leads to another problem … there are so many, survival for all of them is nigh on impossible.

Record shops

Café Trio is perhaps a good example of this evolution in action because when we reviewed it about a year ago it was as a previous incarnation, Sorocha’s. Before that it was Mathiesons the Bakers which, with several shops, used to have a major presence in the town. And before that it was a record shop, Sleeves. Merely talking about record shops is an indication of how long ago that was, yet it was only 2003 that it closed. Sleeves was driven out by the big hitters, Virgin Records and HMV, that opened large flashy town centre stores. However, they in turn were driven out by the advent of things like iTunes and Spotify. Where will it all end? For sure, the plethora of cafés and hairdressers can mean only one thing … only the best will survive.

Treacle?

A year ago we were critical of Sorocha’s for its lack of atmosphere but ended up awarding it a topscone for some of the lightest scones we had ever come across. Unfortunately Café Trio hasn’t altered the atmosphere problem. It’s still as bland and uninspiring as ever, but would their scones need ‘pegging down’? Pat got a fruit scone and, since it had been some time since I’d had a treacle scone, I opted for that.

What sort of jam do you have with treacle scones? Or do you have jam at all? We know these sorts of dilemmas keep our readers awake at night. There was no cream however the oriental gentleman who was looking after us very attentively kindly offered a selection of jams. Strawberry just didn’t seem right and neither did raspberry so the winner was apricot. For our American readers that’s ‘apricot’ as in ‘apple’, not ‘apricot’ as in ‘able’!

To approach the problem scientifically, I had half with jam and half without. Analysis of the results showed treacle scones to be best with butter alone. However, if you must have jam then apricot isn’t a bad choice. Now you can rest easy! Pat’s fruit scone was quite good but mine was undercooked in the middle so a bit on the heavy side. Definitely no pegging down required! No topscone this time round unfortunately.

Pictures at Café Trio, Falkirk — wall art at Caf

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Counting in your head

The café appeared to be run by a Chinese family and when we went to pay our bill their delightful young daughter (seven or eight years old), who was operating the till, actually worked out our change in her head and got it exactly right … clever girl! It’s a long time since we’ve seen that! We wish Café Trio the very best of luck in this highly competitive market place but we fear we may be reviewing it yet again next year under a different name. Let’s hope not.

Scones after Brexit

By that time Brexit will have happened and we will no longer be in the EU. Great, it will just be like old times! We will be able to go to war with anyone who doesn’t realise we are superior without all these pesky EU rules and regulations getting in the way. Take note France! Thankfully, we do not depend on the EU for scones. Oh, but what about the fruit … and the coffee? Maybe it will be plain scones only after Brexit, washed down with a small bowl of light gruel. Can’t wait!

Scone songs

When we reviewed Sarocha’s we flagged up a scone song on behalf of one of our US readers and asked if anyone could come up with a superior offering. Unbelievably no one has, so let us throw down the gauntlet once again. For inspiration you can listen to it again by clicking here. Excited already!!

FK1 1PL tel: 01324 227470 Café Trio FB

ps: Our antipodean correspondents have been in touch with news of a scone down under. Having just returned to Aus from holiday in the UK they were able to inform us that the UK had better scones but Australia had better coffee! Is that just a hint of Aus/Brit rivalry creeping in there? They had their scone in Passiontree Velvet, Toowoomba which sounds good enough to eat in itself.

Having looked at Passiontree’s website, however, they obviously don’t know the difference between ‘high tea’ and ‘afternoon tea’, so in the face of such uncivilised ignorance, any potential claims to scone superiority would have been disregarded anyway. Not that we would ever get competitive about such things! Many thanks to J&P for their report, keep them coming!

Ordinary, Scones

The Greengrocer Café

14 November 2018 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Back in the day when Scotland was a proud, honest and self-respecting country rather than the rather sad colony it has become, the town of Stirling epitomised the struggle between Scotland and its southern neighbour. Its very name means ‘place of strife’. From 1296 onwards the town was frequently occupied by English forces only for them to be driven out by the Scots some time later. It has gone back and forth like a fiddler’s elbow ever since. It could be argued, it is currently under English occupation. Scotland, even with its own government in Edinburgh, has scant say over its own affairs.

Never mind all that though, we are here to do some important stuff … shopping. The short rainy trip to Stirling had become necessary because of the mere fact that there are relatively few large stores left in Falkirk. It has been badly hit by the online revolution. The same shops, however, still seem to thrive here in wealthier Stirling. There’s always been a ‘friendly’ rivalry between Falkirk and Stirling, a bit like that between Glasgow and Edinburgh. Traditionally, Falkirk with its much bigger population and heavy industries made the money: a bit like Glasgow, while Stirling, retained much more strategic and political clout:a bit like Edinburgh.

Rumbling tums

Anyway, after a wonderful few hours of retail therapy in the Thistles Shopping Centre we began to feel a little peckish. This shopping centre is the only one in the world to feature its own 16th century jail, the Thieves Pot. All very well if you fancy a spot of incarceration but does zilch for a rumbling tum. In fact the entire Thistles Centre seemed to do little in the way of restaurants or cafés. Just wall to wall retail outlets. A short walk along Port Street, however, led us here to the Greengrocer Café. A delightful mix of café, delicatessen and greengrocery. It’s tucked away down a little lane. A nice feature is the large communal table in the main shop. However we decided on a smaller one in the main café area at the back.

The staff welcomed us warmly and we immediately took a liking to the place. Nice atmosphere, a wide range of food on offer and homemade cakes to die for. Pat was lusting after a ginormous strawberry pavlova in such a way that I had to remind her, in no uncertain terms, of her sconological duties. We ordered a light lunch followed by a shareable fruit scone. Everything was excellent and our scone was no exception. The only downside was the cream.

Alstroemeria table decoration at the Greengrocer café — Alstroemeria table decoration

They had said it was whipping cream however it seemed more like the scooshie stuff to us. It was okay but, unfortunately went a bit watery, shame! But for that relatively minor issue this could easily have been a topscone.

HAL

When we finished our scone it was back out into the wet for our journey home only to be told, on the car radio, of the demise of Douglas Rain . Brexit and Californian forest fires were suddenly of little importance. Now, some of you may not be aware of the significance of Rain’s passing but his was the voice of HAL, the computer in Stanley Kubrick‘s, 2001: A Space Odyssey. HAL had a mind of its own and back in 1972, we gave our first ever car, a Citroen Dyane, which also had a mind of its own, the same name. Tears were shed when HAL eventually went to the great garage in the sky. Now his voice has gone too. As Trump would say … sad!FK8 2ER tel: 01786 479159 The Greengrocer Café FB

Country Women of Australia

Obligations

Cursory wipes

Deserting the sinking ship

A plan

Colonsay

Glencoe Lochan

Ice climbing

Comfy

How to spend money

Strutting

The scones come two by two

Birthday celebrations

Cream teas

New profession

Return of the witch-prickers

Telephone news

Confusion

Andy Murray and Tiger Woods

Tasmanian waiters at the Fork & Mustard

Sweetness

Open goals

Democracy

1884 and all that

Cornflakes

Epic messes

Face painting

Landing on Mars

Record shops

Treacle?

Counting in your head

Scones after Brexit

Scone songs

Rumbling tums

HAL

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics