Tag Archives: Boris Johnson

The Strynd Tearoom – Again

13 May 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

This scone from the Strynd Tearoom on Orkney goes back a couple of years. As the current lockdown gives us time to ponder on the current state of our civilisation, Orkney might make you question how far we have progressed over the past 5000 years. After Boris’s long-awaited public announcement you could be forgiven for thinking, ‘not very far’. We should know by now that when he opens his mouth all that c omes out is lies and confusion. But give him some credit. It’s all designed, in the event of another COVID flare up, to put the blame squarely on us … you didn’t STAY ALERT! Anyway, 2 years ago or 5000 years ago…

The wind is still blowing with wicked enthusiasm. In spite of that, our plan for today is to visit the west of Mainland … Skara Brae and all that, and end up in Kirkwall, the capital. Most sconeys will know something of the rich archaeology of Orkney.

Skara Brae and Skaill House at Sandwick on Orkney — 5000-year-old Skara Brae neolithic village with Skaill House in the distance

Up here they were building houses and having a high old time of it long before things like the Pyramids and Stonehenge had even been thought of. However, our abiding memory of Skara Brae will be of getting sandblasted by the wind coming off the beach. Certainly gives you a rosy complexion.

Stormy weather at Skara Brae at Sandwick on Orkney — Orkney weather is dramatic and changes every five minutes

Another problem with the wind is holding your binoculars steady enough to identify birds.

Cobwebs

We had no problem though with a brilliant view of a female hen harrier not far from Skara Brae. It is a thrill to see these relatively rare birds because they rather stupidly nest on the ground. As a result, their young usually fall foul of predators before they can fledge. Pat’s list is now over forty which she is thrilled about. However, her joy was such that it was all I could do to stop her stealing a road sign to one of the local villages. Completely cobweb free, we eventually made it to Kirkwall and the Strynd Tearoom.

Go north for scones

Like Stromness, Kirkwall also has lots of wee lanes and this tearoom takes its name from the lane where its located. When we asked how to pronounce ‘Strynd’. It seemed to be “Strand’ but with the strangulated pronunciation that maybe a South African would use. It is a tiny place but lovely and everything is home made. Once again we were made very welcome and once again our scones were excellent. We are developing a theory that the further north you go the better the scones are. We have had nothing but topscones recently. The Strynd scone was warm and served with nice pots of jam and cream. The scone itself looked as if it would be crunchy but wasn’t. It was gloriously soft and absolutely delicious … another topscone!

The Big Tree

Now, while most of you will have heard of the Ring of Brodgar and other Orcadian archaeological gems, how many of you have heard of The Big Tree? Or how many have heard of the Heimskringla? Thought so … let us explain.

Everything is relative

Heimskringla is a book of Old Norse sagas written in Iceland in the 12th century … you’ve probably read it. The Big Tree is the only one left of three that were planted by Robert Laing, father of the Heimskringla’s translator, in his garden over 200 years ago. When they widened the main street by demolishing Laing’s walled garden this tree was left standing in the street. When you look at it you might wonder why it’s called The Big Tree? Well, in Orkney terms, it is! And it is obviously much loved. It still supports a luxurious head of leaves although largely hollow. And it is supported by steel girders inserted in its trunk to keep it upright.

DNA

What else has been happening in the big bad world while we have been enjoying ourselves on this island. Here, you quickly feel kind of snugly insulated from the outside world? The media is still largely ignoring the biggest political conference in the UK. The SNP conference. They are concentrating instead on the sexual indiscretions of a Hollywood director that few have heard of and no one could care less about.

Theresa May is still clinging on like a barnacle while Britain skillfully negotiates a “no deal‘, Brexit. Catalonia seems to have rather skillfully blindsided the Spanish government … for the moment! Trump’s big golf courses in Scotland seem to be losing a fortune … bad! Scotland’s football team is no longer eligible for another pointless World Cup competition because of our DNA according to the manager … good! Well, well, well … the Big Tree has seen it all before.

Scapa distillery, Scapa, Orknay — Scapa distillery in the distance on the shores of Scapa Flow

KW15 1HG tel: 01856 871552 The Strynd Tearoom

Forgiveness

Pat bought me a bottle of Scapa, one of my favourite whiskies, while we were at the distillery. Mind you it was only because of a guilty conscience. Previously, unbeknown to me, she had given away my one and only bottle. All was forgiven.

Change

Has anyone else noticed a subtle but profound change in the media’s reporting of the coronavirus crisis? When Nicola Sturgeon is forced to clear up the confusion by saying “When Boris Johson speaks, he speaks only for England” it marks a change. And now the media refers to “the four nations of the UK” where previously most of them wouldn’t even have countenanced Scotland as a nation at all. This is all very welcome but where will it all end?

ORKNEY SHED

Scones, Uncategorized

Cunard

7 May 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

How about a break with the tradition of recycling of old island scones? Our wonderful Sydney correspondents have sent us a bit of exotica as well as a scone recipe. As keen cruisers who don’t bake they remembered the Cunard scones as being delicious on their last trip. They wrote to Cunard and asked for the recipe and Cunard wrote back. How’s that for initiative and dedication … bravo! Though, what’s the point if they don’t bake? It’s simply a highly commendable service to fellow sconeys … bravo again!

In another break with tradition, we have decided not to make any political comments. Especially on our incompetent Tory government and its blubbering buffoon of a leader. Just think, they could easily furlough everyone until whenever necessary just by not renewing Trident. After all, what’s the point of having weapons of mass destruction if there’s no one left to kill? But it’s a waste of time and effort so we’re not commenting.

Cruising is our idea of hell on earth. That’s just us, of course, we know lots of folks who think it’s the bee’s knees. Our feeling, however, has only been reinforced by recent events with COVID-19. We restrict ourselves to cruising with Caledonian MacBrayne where your chances of getting afternoon tea served by a white-gloved waiter are pretty slim. On the other hand, you can readily get pie beans and chips as long as you go and get it yourself. They do go places of interest to us, however.

Nick’s Recipe

‘There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea.’ Henry James, Portrait of a Lady

We can’t judge these scones, of course, but this is Nick Oldroyd, the Executive chef’s recipe. If you are going to try it you don’t have to bother with the branding. Unless, of course, you really want to.

Of course, this sort of thing is all very well for Aussie sophistocats but what about the likes of us. Has any of this persuaded us to take to luxury cruising? These floating palaces do have swimming pools, gymnasiums, fine dining restaurants and signature scones. They take you effortlessly to exotic islands like Bermuda and Seychelles. But can any of these destinations boast a decent shed? No! For the moment we will restrict our cruising to Scottish ferries. Caledonian MacBraynes have scones as well but we have never managed to try one because we’re always up on deck with our binoculars looking for shearwaters and puffins.

We are indebted to our correspondents for giving us a glimpse into their hedonistic world and also to Cunard for use of their photographs. Don’t worry shed fans, they will reappear with the next post but probably not alongside a signature scone.

tel: 0344 338 8650 Cunard Cruises

ps: I still have £5.36 in my pocket. Remember I started out in March with £10.36 but mysteriously lost a fiver along the way. Remarkably the rest is still intact.

island, Ordinary

Atlantic Islands Centre – Again

1 May 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

This repost from the Atlantic Islands Centre is from way back in 2015. We spent almost a week on this tiny island (6×1.5miles) which now makes us wonder what we did for all that time? Can’t remember but we do remember having a great time. For example, one evening we set off walking round the coast to the town of Port Mary in the NW of the island. We searched and searched but, apart from lots of slate workings there was no trace of the town we thought we had seen on the map. Apparently, it’s just the name of a bay! Took a whole evening to find that out though so you get the idea of how we can easily fritter away a week.

The Isle of Luing (pronounced Ling) is not one we have ever been on before. We were not only excited to be visiting but also to find that in the capital, Cullipool, there was the Atlantic Islands Centre .. with a café. When we got there it had only been open a couple of weeks but was already proving to be a major hit with both islanders and visitors. Having been many years in the planning and construction it now provides a community based cultural centre for the island with loads of local history and genealogy information. Most importantly, of course, it has the only café/ restaurant on the island. Prior to this, going out for a coffee would have involved a ferry trip so it is not difficult to understand why it is popular.

Out of the way

There are two main population centres on the island, Cullipool and Toberonochy. Together they account for 90% of the population of about 200. There are no street names the houses are just numbered e.g. 17 Cullipool, and so on. As always in these ‘out of the way’ places the staff were extremely helpful and friendly. On our first visit we were served by a lovely girl on a two week holiday from Poland visiting relatives.

Downtown Toberonochy — The village green, Toberonochy

Hardy beasts

We were impressed that she could come over to somewhere like Luing and end up with a job. Especially when everyone on the island seems to have at least three or four jobs. Okay, like most of the jobs in the restaurant, it was on a voluntary basis, but admirable nevertheless. Unfortunately, our scones were not so admirable .. seemed like they had been deep-frozen or something. Despite this, it is a great place. We have no doubt that it will develop into a fantastic resource for the island.

The island is probably best known for its now-defunct slate mining industry. However, it is also the place where Luing cattle were first developed by the Cadzow family in 1947. A cross between Beef Shorthorn and Highland cattle. These hardy beasts and are now found all over the world in areas where the climate, like Scotland’s, can be less than balmy.

EVEL

The climate in Parliament today may be less than balmy as MPs discuss EVEL (English Votes for English Laws). Earlier this week the Scotland Bill was agreed by 58 of Scotland’s 59 MPs but failed. It was voted down by English MPs .. almost enough to make you choke on your scone.

PA34 4TX tel: 01852 314096 www.atlanticislandscentre.com

As Boris congratulates his government over its handling of the coronavirus crisis it is perhaps worth remembering that the two wealthy western countries with the worst problems of social inequality and deprivation – the US and the UK, have accounted for more than half the global COVID-19 deaths to date. Just saying!

Mask or not?

The debate around the wearing of face masks rages on. It’s a bit of nostalgia for us because it takes us back to the days when we used to rob banks. How else did you think we could afford all those scones? No more, of course, we’re not even allowed out of the house for goodness sake!

We thought we might be able to recycle our old rather dashing black bank robbing masks but of course, they were more in the style of the Lone Ranger. They went around the eyes rather than the mouth. Useless! No worries though, we are indebted to our Côte d’Azur correspondents for sending us these beautiful homemade gender-sensitive masks. Bring it on, COVID-19!

ISLE OF LUING SHED

A shed on the Isle of Luing at Cullipool — A boat shed in Cullipool looking towards the Fladda lighthouse in the far distance

island, Ordinary, Scones

Harris Hotel – Again

29 April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

This repost is a relatively recent one from just over a year ago. Even so, it harks back to a time when COVID-19 hadn’t been heard of and Brexit was still an issue. As you will see our hopes for one million marchers in London were to be dashed on the jagged rocks of stupidity. Even in the midst of this coronavirus pandemic, the UK is trying to decide what barriers to erect between ourselves and our biggest trading partners … you couldn’t make it up. It might be only a year but our visit to the Harris Hotel now seems from a bygone age.

We landed safely at Tarbert on the Isle of Harris after a relatively uneventful voyage. Many years ago I did a similar crossing from Lochmaddy to Uig and was incredibly seasick. Thankfully all the ships nowadays are fitted with stabilisers making for much smoother crossings. This was to be our first visit to this part of the Outer Hebrides so we were like excited children.

One of many beaches on the Isle of Harris — One of many beaches

Eagles

Our first day was spent driving around South Harris to places like Rodel and Leverburgh. If Pat was hoping that we had left hair raising roads behind on Raasay she was to be disappointed. Nearly all the roads here are single track and they wind up and down and round about in dizzying fashion. However, if like us you are in no rush it can make for very pleasant driving. You just pull in and let any traffic past. We hardly had any traffic, though in the warmer months it might be a different story. By way of compensation for Pat there were golden eagles everywhere. “It’s just a golden eagle” was often the response to my “what’s that?”

There are lots of galleries and craft places here and some were actually open. This one, the Mission House Studio at Finsbay was fabulous. It’s run by Beka (fine art photographer) and Nickolai Globe (ceramic artist). Their stuff was so good we actually parted with some cash! Yes, that good!!

Ruling classes

When we got back to Tarbert where we were staying, the Harris Hotel was just a couple of hundred yards down the road. Would they have scones? It’s a very pleasant place built in 1865 by the Earl of Dunmore. We thought it was interesting to look at past owners. Obviously there was the original Earl followed by Sir Edward Scott, followed by Lord Leverhulme, followed by Sir Tom Sopworth and then Lord Brockett. Do you notice a theme running through these names? All from the tax avoiding ruling classes. We are grateful to our Ballachulish correspondent who sent us pictures of some creative placards from the recent anti-Brexit march in London. One million people attended. They certainly sum up how we feel and emphasize the point that toffs really are terribly terribly unsuited to government … golly gosh, yes!

Today the headlines read “MPs seize control!” which makes us think “the lunatics have taken over the asylum!“. Every time we think it can’t get any worse, it does. Let’s hope those one million marchers have some effect.

Doubts creep in

Nowadays they are not at all fussy who they let into the hotel … our presence being proof of exactly that. Warmly welcomed, we were still recovering from the worst of the effects of the fresh air when a couple of warm scones were placed in front of us. Just sitting there looking out over the gardens was pleasant enough in itself and our lovely scones did nothing to detract from the cosy illusion that all was well with the world. Not topscones but we thoroughly enjoyed them nevertheless. Some time back, when we were on the Orkneys, after a run of topscones, we developed a theory that the further north you went the better the scones got. We are starting to have doubts because there’s been none so far on this trip.

Vandals

In one of the corridors, they have a display case containing an old window from the hotel’s dining room because in 1912, J M Barrie of Peter Pan fame scratched his initials in the glass. Must have been a fashionable thing to do at one time. He joins a list of illustrious artistes like Robert Burns who vandalised windows all over the place.

Honesty

We are letting you see this picture of Croft 36 because, for us, it seemed to sum up life on the Isle of Harris. It’s a café shack at the side of a little road on South Harris near Northton. Inside there’s a cauldron of scotch broth, hot pies and quiches, patisserie style baking including scones … and a price list. You just help yourself to whatever takes your fancy. There’s no one there, just an honesty box .. fantastic. In hindsight, we should have bought some scones but they only came in packets of four so we didn’t. Stupid, they might have been topscones!

HS3 3DL tel: 01859 502154 Harris

ps: Telephone boxes in this part of the world seem to be located either in people’s gardens or other places difficult to get to. Perhaps it’s testament to the strength of the winds they get up here that this one at Finsbay had lost its door. It had been manufactured at the Saracen Foundry in Glasgow but wasn’t operational.

Boris has returned from his COVID sickbed to be greeted by the media like some all-conquering hero rather than the person largely culpable for hundreds if not thousands of coronavirus deaths. What’s all that about? Hopefully, at some point, he and his hapless buddies will be held to account.

NOTE: In case you are starting to feel the pressures of isolation the Psychiatric Association has stated that during quarantine it is considered normal to talk to your walls, plants and pots. You should only contact them if they reply.

HARRIS SHED

A shed on the Isle of Harris — A corrugated iron shed at Aird Asaig not far from the Harris Hotel

island, Scones, Top

Machrie Bay Tearoom – Again

13 April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

As Boris recovers at Chequers we wonder if he will ever be held to account for his and government’s deplorable part in the current crisis? Will the media, including the BBC, simply continue to put sticking plasters over everything? Rumour has it that the next government spokesperson will be Hannibal Lecter … apparently he has more compassion and empathy than Priti Patel.

Anyway, this is the third in our random “island scone” reposts and this one is from the Isle of Arran. It’s from May 2016 when we were on yet another of our birdwatching expeditions with the Falkirk branch of the Scottish Wildlife Trust.

In our last post from the gorgeous Café 54, we said that we had to make our own scones because coronavirus meant there was nowhere to buy them. At the end of this post, we provide you with an opportunity to buy ‘virtual’ scones. Don’t say we’re not good to you!

We are still on our quest to see how many different species of bird we can see on Arran. Today we are in the SW of the island but the only place that seemed to be open in Blackwaterfoot was the Kinloch Hotel and we had already reviewed that last year. However, just a hop, skip and a jump along the coast we came to the Machrie Bay Tearoom. It was well and truly open!

Best buns on the beach

Apparently in the middle of nowhere, it is part of the Machrie Golf Club. It has tennis courts, play area for kiddies and everything else you could wish for. Including a good range of scones, all baked by Granny Rae. They obviously don’t take themselves too seriously when their advertising is “best buns on the beach” … would it have the best scones though, that was the burning question? It was scorchio once again so we sat out on their decked area looking towards the Mull of Kintyre surrounded by a party of Americans over here tracing their family roots.

We were not sufficiently famished to tackle the Machrie Bay afternoon tea but one arrived at the next table so we asked the two lovely Shiskine ladies who were sharing it if we could take a photograph. Turned out they had won it in a raffle! It looked very good, particularly the scones, but they didn’t offer to share any of them. We eventually had to resort to buying our own. There were fruit scones and cherry scones but we opted to try the cheese and the apple and cinnamon. They arrived on lovely heart-shaped plates with lots of jam and were soon followed by a large plate of whipping cream. Whoever Granny Rae is, she certainly knows how to rustle up a scone. They were excellent, and definitely the best scones we have had so far on Arran … easy topscone. Well done Machrie Bay Tearoom!

After our recent quest to find a Scottish tea plantation near Amulree it was great to get some fab Scottish coffee. Okay, okay it’s not exactly Scottish coffee but it is roasted in Scotland and on a day like today they could probably roast it on our table.

Palmyra and birdwatching

From where we were sitting in the tearoom it was only a thirty-minute hike to the site of the famous Machrie Stones, which consist of numerous ancient standing stones mysteriously arranged in circles. Sort of Arran’s answer to Palmyra. However, unless there was a golden eagle perched on top of each one, it simply was not going to happen. Instead, we continued practising the ‘shades on, face towards the sun‘, approach to birdwatching.

Poverty and ripped jeans

Actually we did think we had seen a golden eagle earlier in the day at Shannochie. On reflection, however, it was probably too far south so probably a buzzard. Or maybe a swallow! Still no eagles on our list. You can measure the level of poverty in the UK by the number of people, especially young women, whose jeans are all worn and ripped. The delightful young woman who served us was a particular example … badly torn at the knees. We left a healthy tip for her to put towards new ones.

KA27 8DZ tel: 01770 840329 Machrie Bay Tearoom

ps: Our fantastic Aussie Bathurst correspondents sent us news of an opportunity to buy virtual scones online.

With no Sydney Royal Easter Show this year because of COVID-19, the Country Women’s Association (CWA) tearoom will not be providing the usual tea and scones. The CWA have taken their fundraising efforts and baked treats online. They help communities and individuals still feeling the impact of drought, those left reeling after the bushfires and now coronavirus. They acknowledge that a virtual scone isn’t the same as visiting their tearoom and enjoying the treats in person but they must continue to fundraise. A plate of “virtual scones” is $5, a Devonshire Tea is $10, a dozen plain ‘virtual scones’ is $20 and a whole batch of cyber delicacies is $50. In return for the donation, they will receive the CWA’s “famous” scone recipe. To purchase a ‘virtual’ sweet treat and scone recipe, visit the CWA shop.

WARNING: In order to lend a bit of support to a worthy cause we purchased a virtual Devonshire Tea. However, their ordering system gives no other options than “Australia”. We had to enter that and “New South Wales” for our whereabouts. Does this mean that we will not receive any scones?? We will let you know about the “famous” recipe though.

ARRAN SHED OF THE DAY

A shed at Dougrie on the Isle of Arran — A shed at Dougarie just around the coast a bit from the Machrie Tearoom.

Ordinary, Scones

Bossard’s Patisserie

27 March 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

This visit to Bossard’s Patisserie signifies the continuation of our tour of Oban and Mull. Okay, it’s a kind of virtual tour now but it did actually happen albeit over a week ago. They say a week is a long time in politics but, nowadays, it actually seems even longer in real life! Looking at the world media it appears that they have Boris sussed. Many of them seem to think that the only thing more dangerous than coronavirus is Boris Johnson himself. Okay we know it’s really Dominic Cummings but Boris is the face of Dominic.

Nicola Sturgeon and Boris Johnson — This neatly sums up the stark contrast between Nicola and Boris on coronavirus advice

And, in these dark times, what would we do without Donald Trump. He reckons it will all be over by Easter. Presumably, he thinks Easter is in September. How did these numpties end up in charge?

Anyway, on to important matters. As we said in our last post from Café Shore we are trying to space out our scones to cover this period of self-isolation. We hope you are all well and sitting waiting with bated breath for this post. Bossard’s Patisserie is actually only a hundred yards from Café Shore. It stands next to the river that flows down to the harbour area. We were puzzled by the name, Bossard’s. Turns out that the couple who own it, she is local but he is from Switzerland. Puzzlement over!

Elephant’s sufficiency

Bearing in mind that this place had to close its doors a day after our visit (nothing to do with our visit), it was quiet. Only one or two folks popping in for takeaway stuff. We were made to feel very welcome, however. It was mid-morning and we hadn’t had any breakfast. They had some unusual offerings. Pat got coffee and a bacon and egg roll but I got ” three rolls and a scone” with coffee. Just wanted to find out what it was. Suffice to say it consisted of three different types of bread, a scone and lots of jam and butter. We had witnessed the scones emerging from the kitchen so it wasn’t that hard a decision. There was no cream and probably just as well. There was an elephant’s sufficiency without cream. Some of the breads ended up going in a bag for us to take home.

The scone itself was about as fresh as you could get. It was delicious. Nice and warm with loads of fruit. If it hadn’t been for the prepackaged butter jam and the lack of cream this could have been a topscone. Unfortunate but this is a really nice place with loads of wonderful stuff all made on the premises. Hopefully, they will emerge from this coronavirus thing and keep doing what they were doing before. Good luck!

Emotional times

In Falkirk, we live in a nice street. It could never be described as ‘happy go lucky’ or even having any real sense of ‘community’. Everyone is friendly enough but tend to keep themselves to themselves. Last night, however, we went to our front door at 8 o’clock to “clap in appreciation of the folks in NHS” expecting to be on our own. We were astonished to find everyone doing the same as us. The growing crescendo of clapping was very emotional. Things may never be quite the same again … some things might be for the better.

Lastly, don’t open any emails with “knock-knock” in the subject. It’s Jehovah’s Witnesses working from home!

PA34 4AY tel: 01631 564641 Bossard’s FB

///puzzled.waiters.burglars

ps: we’ve just heard that our favourite bête noire, Boris, has tested positive. Oh dear, in spite of him and his like having stripped the NHS of hundreds of nurses and doctors, on a personal level we do wish him well.

pps: Our Perthshire correspondent, Lady12bore, has sent pics of her second ever attempt at scones. In this case, cheese scones. They look fab. Anyone else taken to baking to relieve the self-isolation monotony?

Ordinary, Scones

Café Shore

25 March 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 12 Comments

Assuming that all our readers across the world, like us, find themselves stuck in the boredom of self-isolation, this post may go down in the history of sconology as the first to actually be welcomed. Yeah! Okay, we know that anything that breaks the monotony is welcome … but still!

Last week, it seems like aeons ago, when we left the Tobermory Bakery behind we stayed in Oban for a few days and that, of course, meant scones. We have decided to space them out over the next wee while so that readers might escape the worst of the effects of scone withdrawal. This one comes from Café Shore.

But first, never mind all this ‘stay at home’ stuff. Apparently all you have to do is get rid of your car … just get rid!! Then you can’t get carownervirus! Sorry, sorry, sorry! Obviously, the situation is extremely serious and we don’t want to minimise that in any way, however, it is amazing how humour helps. It seems like the more serious it is the more jokes come out. This one, for example, made us smile.

Rest assured we are not physically in Oban. We are definitely in solitary confinement with nothing better to do than annoy you with this blog. Actually this post is quite significant in sconological terms because Café Shore was where we posted our first review in March 2015. That was 372 scones ago and back then it was called Mitchell’s – the Coffee Corner. Imagine, five years of this nonsense! Okay, let’s not imagine!

Memory problems

As we entered Café Shore we noticed this large, rather handsome, wall plaque. It’s Glasgow’s coat of arms. St Mungo is seen together with the bird that never flew, the tree that never grew, the bell that never rang and the fish that never swam. But what on earth was it doing in Oban? When we asked one of the staff why it was on the outside of the building she said “Oh, I do know … but I can’t remember!” She then proceeded to come to our table every few minutes to tell us that she still couldn’t remember. “It’s really annoying me”. To put her out of her misery we looked it up and it turns out that the building was originally built for the City of Glasgow Bank. “That’s what I couldn’t remember!” she said, joyously. The Bank failed spectacularly in 1877 ruining almost all its investors. We were hoping for better luck with the scones.

This is a nice place with very happy welcoming staff. We ordered coffee and a fruit scone. It came with a nice wee pot of raspberry jam and some prepackaged butter … no cream. They had been freshly baked by Morvern and were delicious. Nice and crunchy on the outside and soft in the middle, just the way we like them. Not quite at topscone but ever so close.

Internal view of Café Shore, Oban — Very quiet, the effects of coronavirus already

Too little too late

Boris Johnson has finally decided to stop fudging and issue late but welcome instructions that, for him, are relatively clear. His initial advice about us all acquiring herd immunity was pathetic considering that herd immunity doesn’t actually exist without a vaccination program … and there’s no vaccine! He has been consistently behind the other UK nations throughout this whole episode. A follower, waiting to see what others are doing, rather than a leader. Now it’s too little too late.

Guy Fawkes and fake blondes

As we said earlier, our very first scone blog was from Oban in 2015 We wish, however, we had been here for Guy Fawkes night in 2011. Then the firework display that was scheduled to last 20 – 30 minutes actually lasted a few seconds when a computer malfunction set them all off at once. Unfortunate but apparently it was quite a sight!

Since our visit, Café Shore, along with hairdressers and everywhere else including Oban distillery, has had to close its doors. Hopefully, Tina and Morvern will be able to reopen and carry on with their excellent business very soon. With the closure of all hairdressers for the foreseeable future, we really feel for fake blondes.

Maybe we can all get back to some sort of normality very soon but in the meantime, behave. And if that’s too much to ask just misbehave as usual but at home! Keep safe.

PA34 4LJ. tel: Cafe Shore FB

///twinkled.lofts.scatters

Scones, Top, topweird

The Little Bakery

12 March 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Today we are in South Queensferry at The Little Bakery. It’s a bit of a misnomer because once you get inside it’s really quite big. There’s a couple of seating areas at the front, another at the side and yet another downstairs at the back. The town itself is very pretty with narrow cobbled streets and quaint houses. It’s designed for horses and carts rather than the juggernauts that are here today creating chaos as they try to manoeuvre between the buildings with inches to spare.

A view of the Forth Bridge — The Forth Rail Bridge, opened exactly 130 years ago

Nothing much has changed here over the centuries other than the addition of the odd bridge or three. And, as you walk around, it’s olde worlde charm makes it very easy to forget what a crazy crazy world we live in.

A view of the Forth Road Bridge — The Forth Road Bridge and the Queensferry Crossing

Good British viruses

President Trump has just banned all travel to the US from Europe because of coronavirus. Mysteriously, the UK has an exemption, however. This must be one of the first benefits of not being in Europe or does he not realise that although we’ve left the EU, we haven’t actually physically moved. Or does Trump have an ulterior motive, a trade deal perhaps? Yes, think we’ll go with that one. Or maybe he thinks the British virus, is much healthier than those from countries that don’t speak English. Who knows what, if anything, goes on in his head? Thankfully his aides have now come out to correct everything he said.

The Chancellor, Rishi Sunak, delivered his first budget the other day. It was full of bountiful gifts for ‘the people’. The only thing lacking was any sense of a grip on reality. Apparently, the past decade has been forgotten where untold hardships were inflicted on the poor so that the rich could get richer. And it’s not as if all this austerity now puts us in a position where we have accumulated enough that we can dish out money left, right and centre. No, no, no, it will all have to be borrowed, about £100bn! Brilliant, I could be Chancellor!

Meaningless opposition

We don’t blame Boris or Rishi however, we blame Jeremy Corbyn. Having no idea what he or his party stood for, he left the people with no choice but to vote Tory and hence we end up where we are today. And he’s still there at the Dispatch Box … a totally meaningless opposition figure. Go Jeremy, just go!

This is all very well but we can hear you crying “Were there scones at the Little Bakery? Just get to the point?” Okay, yes there were!

Not only scones but an array of delicious looking baking that could easily have induced overindulgence. We maintained discipline, however, and after a light lunch, we just had our scones. Pat had fruit and I had a raspberry and chocolate chip. It had to be done! They were fab! Wonderful texture and with a lovely crunch. The only downside was messy fingers from the melting chocolate. A real dilemma when you’re not supposed to lick your fingers nowadays. We just licked anyway! Having forgotten to ask for cream we ended up not bothering. To be honest the scones were so good they didn’t need any further embellishment. This is a really nice place and we think that you would be hard pushed to have a disappointing visit. Easiest topscone in ages.

A wall of flowers at the Little Bakery, South Queensferry — A wall of flowers at the Little Bakery

Lucky, lucky, lucky

We have reviewed several scones in South Queensferry. Five years ago we reviewed the Jitter Bean Café. That was when the EU was in the process of bailing out Greece with a £50bn loan. When we left the Little Bakery we thought we would take a stroll and see how it was doing. Sadly it has gone and been changed into something else. As far as we know, Greece is still there so it must have fared a bit better. While we walked along the street we came on this large wall plaque. When you consider that back in 1817 the inhabitants of South Queensferry were indebted to the ‘liberality’ of someone for a bleaching green and some water we should be a little more thankful for what we have today. We are all very lucky really. Okay, we’re a bit short on bleaching greens but we do have water and raspberry and chocolate chip scones!

EH30 9PP tel: 0131 319 2255 Little Bakery

///disco.flesh.organisms

Scones, Top

The Elephant House

24 February 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Welcome to the Elephant House, “The Birthplace of Harry Potter”. As far as Pat and I are concerned, we are aware of Harry Potter but that’s about it. Our knowledge and enthusiasm do not extend much beyond that.

picture of an elephant — One of the many elephant pictures at the Elephant House. This one eyeing up our scones

At the moment, however, we have two mini people living with us and for them, it is a different story entirely. They worship the very ground Harry walks on. And they are not the only ones. Legions of similarly minded people descend on this place simply because JK Rowling wrote some of the books in the backroom of this café. To be fair, other authors used it as well. Ian Rankin of Rebus fame and Alexander McCall-Smith who wrote the No1 Ladies Detective Agency to name but two.

The Harry Potter phenomena

But it’s the Harry Potter fame that has done for this place. It’s a veritable Mecca for Potter fans who make pilgrimages from all over the world, China in particular. The menu is printed in English and Chinese and there’s a mountain of memorabilia for sale. It’s quite a big café but we still had to wait about twenty minutes to be seated. The days of it being a hang out for aspiring authors have long gone. Even if they could get in, the atmosphere is pretty frenetic and hardly conducive to creative thinking. Having said that, it’s not difficult to imagine Rowling sitting here, gazing out the window at Edinburgh Castle and coming up with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She eventually gave rise to the most successful book series of all time. Apparently it’s worth £4bn to the UK economy. Amazing!

That’s all very well but would Harry have waved his magic wand over the scones? Well, he may well have done, they were very good. Someone commented, “the service is so slow in here, anyone could write a book.” However, we found that, although the staff seemed to be run off their feet, they remained remarkably cheerful amidst the general busyness. The scones came with prepacked jam and a nice little bowl of clotted cream. Normally we like a bit of crunchiness to our scones but these were none the worse for being soft throughout. Our mini people gave the final verdict, thumbs up and a chorus of “we love scones” … topscone!

Graffiti in the toilets of the Elephant House — The owners have given up repainting the toilets. Potter fans scrawl their messages everywhere

This is certainly not the cheapest café in town but if there is a constant queue of people wanting to get in you can probably charge whatever you like.

The Harry Potter stories are about the gentle polite underdog eventually triumphing over evil. At the moment we desperately need Harry to go up against the current UK government and their draconian immigration policies. Unbelievable considering every one of them are either immigrants or the offspring of immigrants. The demented Prime Minister, Boris Johnson was born in the USA of Turkish descent; the Hindu Chancellor, Rishi Sunak’s parents were from Punjab; the loathsome Home Secretary, Priti Patel’s parents were Ugandan Indian and the deranged First Secretary of State, Dominic Raab’s were from Czechoslovakia. Their families have been welcomed into Britain in the past but now they are pulling up the ladder! If they get their way the Elephant House, along with every other restaurant in Edinburgh, won’t have any staff. Harry will have to work extra hard on his magical anti-fascist spells.

EH1 1EN tel: 0131 220 5355 Elephant House

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Scones, Top

Palm Court

7 February 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Well, here we are, our first scone since leaving Europe. The choice was either to go into some sort of maudling inward-looking period of navel-gazing or go out and have a scone. Guess which one we chose? In addition, we felt that we might as well celebrate our newfound freedom from the civilising influences of our EU friends with something a bit posh. Hence you find us closeted in the rather sumptuous confines of the Palm Court in Edinburgh’s Balmoral Hotel.

The exterior of the hotel is a marvelous confection in stone (Balmoral means “the majestic dwelling” in Gaelic) and the inside is equally elaborate. However, if you are one of those who only feel truly relaxed in the surroundings of a greasy spoon diner, this is not the place for you. On our long sconological journey, we have come to tolerate sumptuous surroundings like this with relative ease. The benefits of perseverance.

We’re here because one of the advantages of writing a scone blog is that friends and family tend to buy us gifts in line with our interests … and, as you know, we have very narrow interests. So it was on this occasion, a complimentary champagne afternoon tea … yeah! Many thanks to our benefactors. We were on time. The hotel is perched above Waverley Station so the clock is always set three minutes fast as an aid to travellers trying to catch a train. Hogmanay is the one exception in the year when it is spot on.

Famous faces

Film stars, Prime Ministers and Royalty have all stayed here, so of course, we felt at home straight away. Suite 552 is even named after JK Rowling who wrote her final Harry Potter novel here. Once we had got past the suitably suited and booted doorman we were welcomed by a lovely young lady called Lucy. She hailed from Menton in the south of France, a part of the world we know quite well. Monte Carlo and all that! A few months back we even posted a scone from the Scotch Tea House in Nice. Anyway, Lucy had been doing a hospitality course back home and when she finished she chose Scotland for her first real job. We warmed to her immediately. She settled us in and soon had us sorted with a couple of glasses of Charles Heidsieck champs while we perused the tea menu.

I opted for the Cloud tea for no other reason than that’s where all my personal data resides. Pat went for 2nd flush … not sure why. We’re not great tea connoisseurs. However, it’s nice to try new ones every now and again even though we always revert back to good old breakfast tea. When ours arrived another young lady shattered our nerves by pouring the boiling water into the teapots from a great height. Not sure if that enhances the taste in any way but it certainly gave the whole procedure an air of high drama. She didn’t spill a drop!

Three tiers

Normally, with an afternoon tea, everything comes on a three-tier cake stand. Savouries on the bottom, scones in the middle and cakes on top. Not here! We did get the cake stand but all three tiers were laden with savoury items … it was only the first course. Everything was delicious.Later we got the second course – the scones. As expected there were two each and they came beautifully warm, lightly dusted with icing sugar and presented with lots of jam and clotted cream. Meanwhile, Lucy refreshed our teapots and generally ensured that we lacked for nothing. Unsurprisingly, perhaps the scones were fab and what with the surroundings and the harpist playing in the small juliet balcony above our heads, we almost felt as if we were in Verona. It wasn’t that difficult a decision to make … topscone!

gifts at the Balmoral Hotel, Edinburgh — A parting gift of tea, chocolates and mini ice cream cones.

Good taste

It was so civilised as we lingered under the palm trees sipping champagne, eating scones and being pampered by Lucy. We could easily have believed we are still in Europe. Thoughts of bush fires, coronavirus, Boris’s lies, Trump’s lies, Syria, and climate change were banished to someplace far far away. Later, when we were preparing to rejoin the real world we asked Lucy if she would return to the south of France after her placement here was finished. She replied, “No, I plan to stay in Scotland, I really love it”. It’s true, the French really do have good taste! Even we had to admit – if this is what being out of Europe is like, it’s not that bad!

Wellington statue, Princes Street — The Duke of Wellington pointing at the clock and saying “that clock is three minutes fast”.

EH2 2EQ. tel: 0131 556 2414 Balmoral

///driven.behind.insist

ps Thanks go to one of our New Zealand correspondents. They sent photos of a scone extravaganza that recently took place at Papanui Club Bowling Club in Christchurch. That’s a lot of scones!

Cobwebs

Go north for scones

The Big Tree

Everything is relative

DNA

Change

Nick’s Recipe

Out of the way

Hardy beasts

EVEL

Mask or not?

Eagles

Ruling classes

Doubts creep in

Vandals

Honesty

Best buns on the beach

Palmyra and birdwatching

Poverty and ripped jeans

ARRAN SHED OF THE DAY

Elephant’s sufficiency

Emotional times

Too little too late

Guy Fawkes and fake blondes

Good British viruses

Meaningless opposition

Lucky, lucky, lucky

Famous faces

Three tiers

Good taste

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics