It’s a sure sign that summer is coming to an end. Could it be the lower temperatures, the leaves turning, or the days shortening? Well yes, but it’s more that we have started going to the movies after breakfast. We enjoy it. It supports our local picture palace and it feels slightly sinful when you come out and it’s only lunchtime. It also allows us to explore the town of Bo’ness and find places like Nosh, the scene for today’s scone.
Inside the Hippodrome
We haven’t been here at the Hippodrome, Scotland’s oldest cinema ,since February when we saw ‘Till’, an excellent movie. This time it was ‘The Innocent‘ a French romcom heist caper about stealing a truck load of caviar. Enjoyable enough although subtitles can be hard work when they go rapidly … why do the French speak so quickly?
In some ways watching a French film in Bo’ness is kind of appropriate. Bo’ness was once one of Scotland’s largest ports and would have traded the black stuff (coal not caviar) with France for many centuries. Scotland was France’s oldest ally since the two countries formed the Auld Alliance in 1295 in an attempt to control England’s many invasions. Trade between the two circumvented England and ports like Bo’ness and Leith thrived. It may also explain why Scotland has always thought of itself as much more European than England.
After the film we ended up here in Nosh, one of the few cafés we haven’t visited in the town. It’s located in a building built in 1750 as a tollbooth.
Built in 1750 but who were ‘RB’ and ‘EB’?
It’s more of a takeaway place for sandwiches and the like but it does have a few tables.
On the counter, under a glass dome, were two scones individually wrapped in cling film. We never think this is a good idea. Scones need to breathe after all and sometimes it means that they might not be entirely fresh. Anyway, we ordered one to share as well as a some coffees. Our scone turned out to be not at all bad but a long way off a topscone.
Obedience
The Prime Minister has single handedly managed to upset almost everyone by announcing that he is rolling back on his commitment to green policies. The date for net zero will now be 2035 instead of 2030. Goodness knows what it will be by the time we reach 2030? Right or wrong it does demonstrate this Tory government’s unswerving dedication to screwing things up. It wouldn’t be so serious if there was a better option waiting in the wings, but there isn’t! The only thing the Labour Party, “the opposition” seems to do is support the Tories. Voters are caught between a rock and a hard place. In Scotland, after one invasion too many by England, we have no say and just do what we are told!
A watercolour of Nosh’s building
Meanwhile King Charles and Queen Camilla are in France trying to thaw out relationships after the disaster of Brexit. Good luck with that!
At the risk of becoming repetitive and boring with our cinematic exploits … here’s another. You are all aware by now that we have developed a rather sinful habit of going to our local cinema … in the morning! They even give you a cup of tea and a biscuit! How nice is that?
Hippodrome, Scotland’s oldest picture palace
In our defence, we do try and bring you a fresh scone with each of these outings … this time it’s the turn of Food@34a.
There are garages … and then there are garages
Timing wise, this morning was rather difficult because our car was booked in for its annual MOT. Our garage is out in the boonies but no need to worry. They said they would give us a lift to the cinema, MOT the car and pick us up afterwards. How nice is that?
This time the film was called “Till”. An excellent movie set in 1955. Based on a true story about a fourteen year old black boy, Emmett Till, moving from Chicago to Mississippi for the summer to be with his cousins. He met a horrendous end, however, at the hands of white supremacists. In essence though “Till” is about a mother’s love for a lost son. It was extremely well done but we found it a difficult watch. It left us both a bit raw.
Hell
For some reason it always seems naughty to be coming out of the movies and then going for lunch. And since. they gave me an indulgent slice of caramel shortcake with my tea instead of a biscuit, I’m sure I’m going straight to hell.
Food@34a is directly opposite 1884, a cafe we reviewed five years ago. It’s a rather odd name and the external appearance cannot be described as particularly inviting. Inside, however, it was a different story … bright and clean and airy! Problem was, however, all the tables were taken. We were just about to walk back out the door when a lady called over and said that we could have their table as they were about to leave. How nice was that?
As a bonus the table was at a window so we are able to look out at the traffic … yeah! Honestly, the ‘biscuit’ at the cinema was all we had had all day so we were ready for something more to eat. After an excellent bite of lunch we launched into the fruit scone we were sharing. It was nicely presented with little bowls of jam and butter. We asked our server if they had cream. She said that they sometimes did but she would go and find out. She returned very apologetically saying that they didn’t have any today. Disappointing but how nice was that?
We particularly liked the food and cheery helpful service at Food@34a and would not think twice about going back. Oddly, in the short time that we were there it went from completely full to pretty much empty. When the garage picked us up they had given the car a clean bill of health. How nice is that?
In out previous post, Hope Street Cafe, we said that we couldn’t really understand why our PM, Rishi (couldn’t punch my way out of a paper bag) Sunak hadn’t fired his Party Chairman over his £4.8million tax oversight. Well he has gone now, but only because Rishi’s ethics adviser advised him to do so. Just the presence of an ethics adviser infers that Rishi is unable to tell right from wrong by himself. Now he has a couple of dozen bullying complaints about his Deputy, Dominic Raab to deal with. He’s appointed a high powered lawyer to help him with that. The Tories certainly love their scandals!
This post comes to you from the Hope Street Cafe in Bo’ness. It’s in Hope Street so you can see the thinking. Last time we were here was back in 2018 when it was called Brian’s Cafe. At that time the media were getting their knickers in a twist about a poisoning in Salisbury. A critic of the regime in Russia, Sergei Skripal and his daughter had been affected by nerve agents. They were in a critical condition. This gave rise to frenzied speculation about whether or not Vladimir Putin might be a bad man. Well, as you know, things have moved on.
Omnipotence
2018 saw Putin, along with President Xi of China manufacture situations where they could remain in power for as long as they liked. In the US, Donald Trump was busy trying to follow their example. In the UK, Theresa May was finding it impossible to leave her job as PM because no-one else would take it. Well, as you know, things have moved on.
We are at the Hope Street Cafe because it’s adjacent to the Hippodrome cinema where we had been to see “A Man Called Otto”. It’s about an elderly man who thinks that the whole world has gone mad and he is the only sensible person left. I asked Pat if Otto reminded her of anyone … she just smiled. Things are so bad for Otto he finds it impossible, in spite of multiple attempts, to successfully commit suicide. His own incompetence or interfering neighbours always get in the way. It was a good film worth seeing. We got out of the cinema around lunchtime so that’s why we’re here in the cafe.
Fruit
It’s a no-frills kind of place … and all the better for that. The staff seemed to know everyone and it had that sort of buzz that you get in places that are full of regulars. After a bite of lunch we got a scone to share. It was a fruit scone. We knew that because we could see two pieces of fruit. However, as far as fruit was concerned, that was it! As per usual, Pat took the top half. But, perhaps thinking I might be inspired by Otto, was trying to avert a suicide attempt when she insisted that I had both bits of fruit. It’s love! Short of fruit perhaps but the scone itself was really quite nice. Of course, it was never going to be a topscone.
Forgetfulness
Having enjoyed our visit we emerged into Hope Street to the news that our former Chancellor of the Exchequer, Zadhim Zahawi, had inadvertently forgotten to pay £4.8million in tax. Don’t you find it really annoying when that happens? You’ve filled in all the forms as best you can but completely forgotten about the £27million you had just been given from an off-shore trust … damn! Easily overlooked!
Three weeks into 2023 and the US has had 40 mass shootings already. Goodness, no wonder Otto thought he was the only sensible person left!
The coronavirus plague continues. We have been told that the best way to counter the infection is to wash your hands while singing God Save The Queen. Surely that’s equivalent to telling folks to get under the table in the event of a nuclear attack? We are still braving the virus, however. We travelled a whole four miles to the Hippodrome Cinema in Bo’ness. Perhaps a cinema in the middle of the day is not the best place to be midst plague – quite a bit of snoring …. or was it death rattles?
On this occasion, the movie was Emma, an adaption of Jane Austen’s 1815 novel. When we came out after the film, lo and behold, what was directly opposite the cinema? A new café no less! It is right next door to Brian’s Café and in the same street as 1884, both of which we have reviewed previously. It was called McMoos … don’t ask!
The Hippodrome opened in 1912 – it is Scotland’s oldest surviving cinema
But first, the film. If you like costume dramas this is the film for you. The costumes and settings are fabulous. The main character, Emma, is a beautiful overprivileged twenty one year old snob who likes nothing better than messing with other people’s love lives. The film gently follows her interfering ways (hence the snoring) until eventually, she falls foul of her own meddling. Suffice to say, like all such dramas, she gets her man in the end. It’s beautifully filmed and an easy watch.
No scones
The most surprising thing about the film was the complete lack of scones. We thought there would have been at least one scene with those aristocratic types taking afternoon tea in a wildflower meadow surrounded by a dozen or so servants. Then we remembered that afternoon tea wasn’t invented until twenty-five years later. 1840, that’s when the Duchess of Bedford felt she couldn’t make it through to her evening meal without a mid-afternoon snack. Pity really, however, although no scones were featured we still enjoyed the film.For scones, we had to go all the way across the street to the aforementioned McMoos. It’s only been open a short time and as our friendly waitress explained: “We are still finding our feet“. Our scones were held back until we had finished a light lunch, then she returned and asked: “Would you like me to pop your scones in the oven now?” Nice.
The scones were quite big. Not baked on the premises but we were assured, that they had been “Baked this morning by our own special baker“. We got a lovely little bowl of blackcurrant jam and some English clotted cream and Danish butter. Don’t you think that with a very Scottish name like McMoos, the butter at least could have been Scottish? Anyway, the scones were really good. And because they are still ‘finding their feet’ we put lapses in scone accoutrements down to inexperience and awarded a topscone. Well done McMoos, we wish you well.
Relationships
In 1815, when Austen was writing Emma, the Duke of Wellington was busy giving that French upstart, Napoleon, a jolly good seeing to at the Battle of Waterloo in Belgium. Did you realise that at one time our relationship with Europe was difficult?
Although Blackness is not far from home we haven’t visited much in the past ten years. Why? Because the pub closed down and it’s a dead end road so there was nowhere to go when you got here. You could go for a walk, visit the castle but that was about all. It was tragic because Blackness itself is lovely with a nice beach and a nice castle but it needed the pub.
Blackness Castle in December
However, our doughty Trossachs correspondents tipped us off that the pub had reopened and was worth a visit. And they weren’t wrong.
A brisk day
First though a little bit about the castle that has stood here for over 500 years. Sometimes known as the Ship That Never Sailed because, from the seaward side it looks like a great battleship. When German submarine U-21 ventured up the River Forth in 1914 that’s what they thought they saw when they raised their periscope. They decided to venture no further. Having walked along to the castle on what might be best described as a brisk day, we were in need of sustenance.
When you enter the Lobster Pot the sign above the door “We’re All Doomed” gives a hint of what’s to follow. The interior is lovely and warm with a very welcome open fire at one end. It is a bar/restaurant which also incorporates “The Wee Shop”. You can buy your loaf, your cornflakes, your pint and have a meal all in the same place … brilliant! There is a veritable cornucopia of paraphernalia virtually everywhere you look. On the ceiling directly above our table was this lifebelt. In the unlikely event of us ever going on a cruise, we want two of these please.
Who needs cream?
The Lobster Pot has only been open since August and it must be a welcome return for the village. All the staff were very friendly and soon had us sorted with some lunch and a couple of fruit scones. Initially they said that cream was no problem but later said that it was. Not to worry butter and jam would do just fine … we can rough it!
The scones and tea arrived after a perfect lunch. Unfortunately they did not live up to the standards we had already come to expect of the place. Enjoyable enough but just a tad on the stodgy side. The jam was from England and the butter from Ireland … what can we say? Nevertheless, the Lobster Pot is an excellent pub and we will be visiting Blackness much more often as a result. We hope it goes from strength to strength.
When Robert Burns was visiting the area in 1787 he had been obliged to leave nearby Bo’ness after calling it “That dirty ugly place Barrowstounnes” . He sought refuge here and was duly impressed because he wrote this poem “Blackness Is Braw” (Blackness is Superduper). Perhaps it was the ladies bathing in the mineral rich sediment of Blackness Bay (they still do it) that impressed him most. He always had an eye for the ladies after all!
This vintage photo of Blackness fishermen in 1919 was hanging on the wall. Amongst them there’s Ewan ‘Muffy’ McLachlan, George ‘Rasher’ Redmond, ‘Raving Ross’ Rintoul, ‘Mad Jack’ Melville and ‘Dark Drew’ Storer. It could easily be mistaken for a modern day picture of Boris’s new Conservative cabinet. We think, however, that we would rather be governed by ‘Mad Jack’ and his crew.
Help, please!
Before we leave the Lobster Pot perhaps you could help us with this? Close to where we were seated was this little boxed diorama. As you will be aware a diorama is a three-dimensional scene used to creatively express learning. However, we were stumped by this. What were we supposed to learn? It contains a fisherman pointing at a cooked lobster on top of a creel, five bottles of Guinness, a terrier dog wearing wellington boots and a large snake wound around a naked lady. There is some deep meaning here but we are perplexed. Perhaps some readers may have a greater insight?
No more scones until 2020 so while you are pondering naked ladies, snakes and lobsters may we take this opportunity to wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year. Many thanks for your indulgence during the past year.
Scotland’s national poet, Robert Burns, was born 1759 in the Ayrshire town of Alloway. The same year also saw the birth of this place, in the West Lothian town of Linlithgow. At that time it was the home of the wealthy Boyd family of ship owners. By the 1847, however, it had been transformed into a coaching inn, the Star & Garter, under the ownership of James Burleigh. At that time it was the Avis or Hertz of its day, hiring out horses and carriages. It’s right beside the station which is handy for us. While our car is being serviced in Bo’ness we can jump on a train and the garage picks us up from here. On some previous occasions, you may remember, they have picked us up at the Black Bitch.
Having a little time to spare, however, our attention was drawn towards the possibility of a scone. When we asked we were informed by a nice young man that tea and coffee were no problem. However, if we wanted a scone we would have to wait until he baked one. You will agree, it would have been rude and churlish to turn him down on such an offer.
What’s in a name?
There are loads of pubs in Britain bearing the Star & Garter name. How come? As far as we can ascertain the Garter bit comes from the Order of the Garter. In 1344, Edward III decided to admit some of his knights to the Order of the Garter to make them feel a bit special among all these other common-or-garden knights. A bribe, in other words, for extra loyalty. The medals accompanying these awards usually came in the form of stars. Presumably the phrase “star and garter” began to be used to denote something a bit special. Would our scone be worthy of such an accolade?
Promising start
We were sitting by an open log fire waiting for them to be baked so no great hardship there. Although we had our tea and coffee, waiting like this does heighten the sense of anticipation. Suffice to say, by the time they arrived we were ready! Having just come from the oven they were wonderfully warm, and although there was no cream there was plenty of jam and butter. First bite was very promising however as we progressed we decided that they had just been slightly over baked. We like them slightly crunchy on the outside but these were more ‘hard’. Had it not been for that they could have merited a topscone but sadly it was not to be.
Honoured
However, sitting here by the fire in February with a slightly hard scone is still very enjoyable. We always feel honoured when folk offer to bake scones specially for us. Not as honoured as a knight of the realm you understand and certainly not as much as a gartered one, but honoured nevertheless.
Bribes
It is incredible that the government was defeated yet again last night and it doesn’t seem to make the slightest bit of difference. Why do they bother with all that palaver? Theresa May, never mind she cannot even command her own government, sets off to Brussels in another futile attempt to browbeat the EU into some sort of submission. It really takes some believing. Perhaps she is going with a bundle of stars and garters in her handbag. She has bribed everyone else so it may be worth a try.
A Parcel of Rogues
When Robert Burns wrote ‘Such A Parcel Of Rogues In A Nation’ he could easily have been referring to Brexit and the secretive ERG group of MPs. He wrote: “Is wrought now by a coward few, For hireling traitor’s wages”.Though he could just as easily aimed it at MPs in the Labour party who will go with anything just to keep their jobs.
ps. Honours should really go to our N.Ireland correspondents who, on a wee trip to Venice, diligently set about searching for a scone. Not easy in such an uncultured place however they did manage to find scone approximations. Apparently these items are only made at Carnavale time. This year that runs from 16th Feb to 5th March so we are doubly honoured to be seeing such rare Italian sconey things. They didn’t say how they tasted however .. more training required!
It was obviously a Scottish neck and an English axe because it took three blows to part her head from the rest of her body. Breakfast time, on this very day, 8th Feb in 1587, Mary Queen of Scots had her head chopped off. We know this because, as they say “we seen it in the movies“. Kind of appropriate that we watched it at the Hippodrome Cinema in Bo’ness. Just a couple of miles from Linlithgow Palace where Mary was born.
Inside the Hippodrome (picture courtesy of the Hippodrome)
Chop chop
In spite of them taking quite a few liberties with the actualities we enjoyed the film. It’s just the movies after all. However her life was so eventful it’s a little surprising they had to make things up. In case you are going to see it they didn’t actually show the chopping bit. That would’ve been too much. Everyone on the edge of their seats. Will it come off this time? This time? This time??
The problem, as always was religion. It’s odd to think what might have happened if things had turned out differently. What if her first husband Francois, who made her Queen of France, had not gone and died on her? In slightly different circumstances she might have kept her head? What if she had overcome English treachery and gained the British throne? Who knows? Instead of being snivelling members of the EU we might have been vibrant and enthusiastic participants. Okay, okay that’s taking things way too far! The take home message from the film was … back then, it was no fun being a Queen, or even just a queen. There was plenty of both in the film.
When the film finished a scone was called for however we thought we had been in every café in town. We had reviewed Brian’s Café, and 1884 as well as the Ivy Tearoom. However, just a short distance from the cinema we found yet another, Matty’s Café. Apparently Matthew Steele, who died in 1937, was the architect who designed the Hippodrome cinema as well as many other local buildings. Marvellous how things come together!
Jobsworth
When we arrived the staff, a girl who seemed to be on her own, was struggling to cope with an influx of customers. Like us, they were probably all from the cinema. To be honest, we are not even sure of the name of this place. It’s either Matty’s Cafe or the Bo’ness Bakery, take your pick. We chose the former but we think it’s run by the bakery that has a shop next door. Anyway we had to wait a while to be attended to so had time to look around. It’s one of these places which is kind of summed up by the clock above the coffee machine. No one has quite decided whose job it is to straighten it up. It’s probably been like that for years.
Eventually we were asked what we would like. For some reason I fancied a bacon roll. “All the rolls have gone, we only have burnt ones left”. I asked if that meant I couldn’t have a roll. “No, you can have one but it’ll be burnt“. Okay? Our order, of course, included a scone and before you could say ‘chop, chop, chop’ it was in front of us, lightening fast. My roll was indeed burnt … as black an executioner’s mind. It was also delicious. The fruit scone came with generous tubs of jam and whipped cream and was really quite good. However, in spite of what turned out to be really good cheery service it didn’t quite make the topscone grade. If you are looking for a no-frills kind of place in Bo’ness you could do a lot worse than Matty’s Café.
Irony
Mary’s body was taken and buried at Peterborough Cathedral. However, in an ironic final twist to the tale her son, James VI and I, who became the first king of England, Scotland and Ireland had her exhumed. She now lies in Westminster Abbey next to her cousin, Elizabeth I, who ordered her execution Can you hear the spinning?
Efficiency
Donald Tusk has said “I’ve been wondering what that special place in hell looks like, for those who promoted Brexit without even a sketch of a plan how to carry it out safely.” We’re with you Donald! As Theresa May goes to the EU yet again she must feel sooooo thankful that the guillotine has fallen into disuse. Mary Queen of Scots, on the other hand, may have wished for something as efficient.
Today we are at 1884 Bo’ness. Readers will be aware that from time to time, we go to the cinema. More often than not we go to the Hippodrome in Bo’ness, Scotland’s oldest picture palace. And, more often than not, we go in the morning, just because we can! We are not quite sure why, because on the face of it it is a perfectly normal thing to do, but it still seems vaguely sinful. It’s not so much going in, it’s coming out when it’s not even lunchtime!
Anyway, us sinners went to see Mike Leigh’s Peterloo today and we had no worries about coming out before lunch. At two and a half hours, it’s something of an epic. It’s all about democracy in 1819 and the British government’s attempts to drown it at birth. They did not want common folk getting ideas above their station like the dastardly French. Four years earlier us Brits had given Napoleon a jolly good thrashing at the Battle of Waterloo and, sadly, our ruling classes looked on the Peterloo Massacre of its own people in a similarly triumphant light. This was amply illustrated by the fact that it actually took place at Petersfield in Manchester but was adapted to Peterloo as a warning to other potential upstarts.
Democracy
Anyway the take home message of the film was that we’ve not come very far in the intervening centuries. The UK is still the least democratic of all European states and, of course, democracy has yet to be discovered in Scotland.
After almost three hours of fairly intense viewing however, sustenance was definitely required. Just a short distance from the cinema we came across 1884 Bo’ness, a new café /restaurant. It had only opened a few weeks previously. The rather ancient looking exterior belies its nice modern welcoming interior. It does everything you would expect of a ‘kitchen grille’ but, of course, scones were the main attraction for us. When we asked why it was called ‘1884’, we were told it was because it was carved in stone on the outside of the building. It’s construction date. As good a reason as any and for brother and sister owners, David and Kirstie Stein it’s become rather habit forming. They also run very successful businesses, 1807 in Linlithgow and 1912 in Bathgate.
We decided on a fruit scone and opted for their offer of it being toasted. It was wonderfully warm when it arrived and came with plenty prepackaged jam, butter and whipped cream. It would have been nicer to have had a dish of jam, a pat of butter and some clotted cream but that wasn’t to be. Sadly, no topscone but we enjoyed everything about 1884 Bo’ness and would certainly return on our next cinema visit.
1884 and all that
While this building was being constructed in 1884 there were other things happening elsewhere.
Here in Scotland, in scenes that must have been reminiscent of Peterloo, Royal Marines and police arrived in naval vessels at the tiny village of Uig on the Isle of Skye to help a landowner evict crofters from his Kilmuir estate.
In the US, Alaska became a US territory and on Coney Island the first roller coaster went into action with a thrilling top speed of 6mph.
Batchelor, Grover Cleveland became President of America in spite of admitting to fathering a child in his youth. It gave rise to the chant used against him “Ma, Ma, where‘s my Pa? Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha!”.
John Harvey Kellogg, patented “flaked cereal” (cornflakes) which he intended as a ‘healthy, ready-to-eat anti-masturbatory morning meal’!
In France the Statue of Liberty was presented to the US and Claude Monet painted “La Corniche near Monaco.”
In the UK, Greenwich was accepted as the universal time meridian of longitude though France refused to accept it for another thirty years.
From this list we can reasonably deduce that the world has always been slightly mad. Though perhaps not quite as mad as it is today. The EU has sent Theresa May packing. Her attempts to bring about an acceptable Brexit deal seem almost as futile as Kellog’s ambitions for his breakfast cereal.
This morning we went to the Hippodrome cinema in Bo’ness to see C’est la Vie starring Jean-Pierre Bacri. We do this regularly if we can get out of bed in time … life has sooo many pressures! A French film with subtitles, it’s a beautifully crafted and funny story of the backstage shenanigans at a posh chateau wedding. Worth seeing if you get the chance. Afterwards, we ended up on the opposite side of the the river Forth, in Fife, at the picturesque little village of Culross (pronounced kooros) which, oddly enough, is the location for another movie currently under production.
Mrs Halfpint
It’s a zombie film called The Curse of the Buxom Strumpet starring Dame Judi Dench and Sir Ian McKellen. In the story Dame Judi plays Mrs Halfpint, the local landlady in the town of Upper Trollop, played of course, by none other than Culross itself. In 1713 a deadly disease consumes Upper Trollop turning the inhabitants into monsters. A few redoubtable folk, led by Mrs Halfpint try to escape by ship to France. The premiere won’t be until next year so if we divulge any more we would have to kill you all. Just go see when it comes out.
Suffice to say that Mrs Halfpint may well have been in the employ of the Bessie of Bessie’s Café, or Bessie’s Bar, as it used to be called. The café used to be her malt-house, used in making beer for her pub. And would you Adam ‘n Eve it (been going to London too much) Bessie’s surname was Paterson. You can see from the picture that she was a fine upstanding lass in the best tradition of Paterson women.
We have been here before on several occasions when it was run by the National Trust for Scotland and were never too impressed … normally when we are in the village we go to another café called The Biscuit.
DIY Americano
Bessie’s is under new management however so we thought we should check it out. It had started raining so we were glad to be in out of the wet and delighted to be merrily greeted by the staff who soon had us supplied with a couple of fruit scones. Earlier we had agreed to having them heated so they arrived wonderfully warm and with lots of jam and cream.
They also supplied my Americano as an expresso with a jug of hot water, a sort of DIY kit. Not quite sure of the logic since I just had to pour all the water into the expresso myself. Heyho, different! Pat took one bite and announced a topscone right away. However, she subsequently discovered a small doughy bit in the middle which unfortunately ended up demoting her verdict. Mine was perfect, so think Pat must have got a rogue one … shame. Bessie’s is joined onto the Palace and they do a good range of food so definitely worth a visit if you are in these parts.
Culross Palace
Troublesome people
Talk of rogues reminds us that it’s the Conservative Party Conference in Birmingham this week. Boris and Theresa are slugging it out for supremacy. “Fiddling while Rome burns” comes to mind. They should be thankful they are not holding their conference here in the Kingdom of Fife where, if you remember our review of the Clock Tower Café, they had their own ways of dealing with troublesome people.
Now, call us naive if you like but we always thought, not that we have thought about it that much, if you wanted to burn a witch your major expenditure would be a gallon of petrol. Not so. In 1636, just along the coast from here, William Coke and his wife were sentenced to death for witchcraft. Apparently, to help them burn more easily, the normal practice was to clothe them in hemp coats and place them in barrels that had been pre-tarred. For anyone who thinks that this process comes cheap, think again. The expenses were considerable and probably put everyday witch burning out of reach for most people.
10 loads of coal – 3 pounds 6 shillings and 8 pennies,
tar barrel – 7 shillings,
hangman’s rope – 6 shillings,
hemp coats – 3 pounds and 10 shillings,
making the above – 8 shillings,
expenses for judge – 6 shillings,
executioner (for his pains) – 8 pounds and 14 shillings,
executioners expenses – 16 shillings and 4 pennies.
That’s almost £5,000 in today’s money however at that time, the Church and the Council split the costs … nice! Don’t think they would do that nowadays but we would still recommend that Theresa and Boris avoid Fife for the time being. Because there’s always Crowdfunder!
Yesterday morning we were back at the Hippodrome in Bo’ness to see The Shape Of Water. An unexpectedly enjoyable film. It’s really a love fantasy but it also turns out to be surprisingly topical. The Americans had captured a unique South American water monster with peculiarly human characteristics. Honestly, it’s better than it sounds! Rather than let the US acquire any advantage by studying the beast and unearthing its secrets the Russians, in the form of KGB agents, plotted to kill it with a lethal injection. Have you heard of any similar stories recently?
It is amusing to see the media in a frenzy wondering where the nerve agents directed against Sergei Skripal and his daughter could have come from. Without ever mentioning the world’s biggest stockpile of such chemical weapons at Porton Down. Only eight miles from Salisbury where Skripal was found. All fingers seem to be pointing at Vladimir Putin however and probably with good reason.
Have you noticed a rather worrying trend among world leaders recently? Putin, who unexpectedly came to power because Boris Yeltsin hadn’t enough blood in his vodka system, now finds himself drunk on power itself. He has manufactured a situation where he can remain in power indefinitely. Likewise with President Xi of China. Power is a great corrupter and both men now seem to think that they are omnipotent. Meanwhile, back in the USA, President Trump knows he is omnipotent but, unlike Putin and Xi, hasn’t yet worked out a scam to keep the job for a life. Watch this space. Theresa May on the other hand will be forced to keep her job for life whether she likes it or not simply because it’s such a mess no one else wants it.
Serafini family
Enough of all that. Just across the road from the Hippodrome is the imaginatively named Brian’s Cafe which, would you believe it, is owned by a chap called Brian, surname Curry. Its outward appearance is somewhat uninspiring and we did not have high hopes as we entered. The interior is pleasant enough though and the staff were very friendly and helpful.
We were soon settled down with some tea and sharing a fruit scone. Okay, we sometimes indulge in reckless extravagance! There was no cream and the butter and jam were prepackaged but the scone itself was very good, not quite a topscone but pretty close. The café has lots of what appeared to be family photographs hanging on the walls. When we asked about them we ended up being introduced to Brian himself. He had been sitting at another table with some friends. He’s a lovely guy who proceeded to take us round and explain his family history. Turns out that he is part of the Serafini family who not only had a cafe in Bo’ness but operated the York Café in Falkirk, a place we know very well.
Serafini family from Barga. Brian’s aunt, Annie Curry, married Nathaniel (2nd from left, back row)
Scots locked up
What amazed us was that Brian’s aunt, a Bo’nessian born and bred, had married a Serafini and as a result was interned during WWII. It had never before occurred to us that Scots were also interned simply because of their association with Italians … unbelievable!
The Serafini’s original café in Bo’ness … and their fish and chip van c1950s
It was great listening to the many delightful childhood stories Brian had to tell. A far cry from today’s world of all-powerful autocrats and dastardly subterfuge.
p.s. News of an even bigger controversy came to us the other day courtesy of our correspondent, the Stenibrainfart. He reported that the National Trust in England had organised a cream tea at one of their venues in Cornwall and to publicise it they used a picture of a scone with a dollop of jam on top of the cream … arrgghh!
Now all self respecting sconeys worth their salt know that that is how they do it in Devon … and it’s just plain wrong! It is definitely not how they do it in Cornwall. Cornish folks have reportedly been resigning their NT membership in droves. They felt so strongly they even produced #JamFirst badges to support the cause. Well done Cornwall, you tell ’em!
by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics
Bo’ness was once one of Scotland’s largest ports and would have traded the black stuff (coal not caviar) with France for many centuries. Scotland was France’s oldest ally since the two countries formed the Auld Alliance in 1295 in an attempt to control England’s many invasions. Trade between the two circumvented England and ports like Bo’ness and Leith thrived. It may also explain why Scotland has always thought of itself as much more European than England.
We never think this is a good idea. Scones need to breathe after all and sometimes it means that they might not be entirely fresh. Anyway, we ordered one to share as well as a some coffees. Our scone turned out to be not at all bad but a long way off a topscone.
