Our island hopping adventures have sadly come to an end and we are now back in the real world. At Legends Coffee House in Stirling to be precise. The legend referred to in the name is, of course, William Wallace, Scottish hero, general all round good guy and star of the movie Braveheart. This facility serves visitors to the Wallace Monument … it is where you start and finish your visit.

Tartan stuff

You should drop in … especially if you have just completed the climb to the top of the monument. We had friends from Arizona with us. We forced them up the Abbey Craig, the hill on which the monument stands. Then the 246 steps to the top of the monument, all with the bribe of a scone. We were having to pay up. Most of this place is  new since we were last here and thankfully takes up the site previously occupied by a diabolical statue of Wallace. The shop is full of the usual stuff that we suspect tourists must get really fed up with after they have been round some of Scotland’s main attractions. It always seems much the same  tartan or saltire emblazoned memorabilia everywhere you go.

That said, Legends Coffee House, in spite of being quite busy, was clean, tidy and appeared well run. But, dear oh dear, our scones felt really heavy! So heavy, in fact, we thought we might have to brandish Wallace’s mighty double handed claymore to cut them in half … hopes of impressing our American friends with a good Scottish scone were fading fast. As it turned out, however, they tasted quite good and our friends were fascinated by the butter, jam and cream rituals which we don’t even think about. And at least it was all Scottish produce. All in all, it evolved into quite a good experience for everyone … but not good enough for a topscone unfortunately.

Just a blur

This monument to William Wallace is here because of his famous victory over the much larger English army at the Battle of Stirling Bridge in 1297 which helped establish Scotland as a free and independent nation. Goodness knows what he would have thought of the ‘parcel of rogues’ that, almost 400 years after his death, forced Scotland into a union with England. Even worse, that Scotland is still in it. He was hung, drawn and quartered in London. His head and body parts distributed throughout the land as a warning to any other uppity Scots. So no grave to spin in. If he had one, he would would just be a blur.

His statue looks down from its stance high on the monument at Scotland’s present day subordination and it must be thinking “what a right feckless bunch I gave my life for”!  Our friends are back on the other side of the pond now, having survived Scotland … and the scones.

FK9 5LF    tel: 01786 472140     Legends

BREAKING NEWS. Our Middle East correspondent has just filed a report on a post box he came across in Jaffa, Tel Aviv. Readers may know Jaffa from the biblical stories about Jonah, Solomon and St Peter but more probably through cakes. The post box in question was manufactured by McDowall Steven & Co who, in 1912 took over the Laurieston Ironworks in Falkirk and made post boxes until 1958 when it closed. Jaffa was occupied in 1947 so presumably these post boxes date from then. There’s nothing quite like scones to broaden the mind.