Tag Archives: afternoon tea

Scones, Uncategorized

Cunard

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How about a break with the tradition of recycling of old island scones? Our wonderful Sydney correspondents have sent us a bit of exotica as well as a scone recipe. As keen cruisers who don’t bake they remembered the Cunard scones as being delicious on their last trip. They wrote to Cunard and asked for the recipe and Cunard wrote back. How’s that for initiative and dedication … bravo! Though, what’s the point if they don’t bake? It’s simply a highly commendable service to fellow sconeys …  bravo again!

In another break with tradition, we have decided not to make any political comments. Especially on our incompetent Tory government and its blubbering buffoon of a leader. Just think, they could easily furlough everyone until whenever necessary just by not renewing Trident. After all, what’s the point of having weapons of mass destruction if there’s no one left to kill? But it’s a waste of time and effort so we’re not commenting.

Cunard logo

Cruising is our idea of hell on earth. That’s just us, of course, we know lots of folks who think it’s the bee’s knees. Our feeling, however, has only been reinforced by recent events with COVID-19. We restrict ourselves to cruising with Caledonian MacBrayne where your chances of getting afternoon tea served by a white-gloved waiter are pretty slim. On the other hand, you can readily get pie beans and chips as long as you go and get it yourself. They do go places of interest to us, however.Cunard lounge

Nick’s Recipe

‘There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea.’ Henry James, Portrait of a Lady

A scone on a Cunard liner

We can’t judge these scones, of course, but this is Nick Oldroyd, the Executive chef’s recipe. If you are going to try it you don’t have to bother with the branding. Unless, of course, you really want to.

Cunard's scone recipe

Of course, this sort of thing is all very well for Aussie sophistocats but what about the likes of us. Has any of this persuaded us to take to luxury cruising? These floating palaces do have swimming pools, gymnasiums, fine dining restaurants and signature scones. They take you effortlessly to exotic islands like Bermuda and Seychelles. But can any of these destinations boast a decent shed? No! For the moment we will restrict our cruising to Scottish ferries. Caledonian MacBraynes have scones as well but we have never managed to try one because we’re always up on deck with our binoculars looking for shearwaters and puffins.

We are indebted to our correspondents for giving us a glimpse into their hedonistic world and also to Cunard for use of their photographs. Don’t worry shed fans, they will reappear with the next post but probably not alongside a signature scone.

tel: 0344 338 8650           Cunard Cruises

ps: I still have £5.36 in my pocket. Remember I started out in March with £10.36 but mysteriously lost a fiver along the way. Remarkably the rest is still intact.

Ordinary, Scones

The Brown Palace Hotel

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In the face of the current Caronavirus outbreak, the government is concerned for the elderly. Fair enough we thought. Then we realised that they were talking about us. The nerve! Funny how, when you get to a certain age, in spite of the fact that every limb is creaking, it still never crosses your mind that you could be classed as ‘elderly’. Now they are also saying that we have to self isolate for four months. Jings, crivvens, help ma bob! In Scottish, that phrase indicates a level of astonishment towards the very top of the scale.

Logo of the Brown Palace HotelCould this mean the end of sconology as we know it? Not a bit of it because today our scone comes from the Brown Palace Hotel in Denver, Colorado. Eh? Yes, yet again, another of our dedicated band of correspondents has ridden to the rescue. So it’s not us, it’s them, our USA correspondents. And this is not just any old common or garden US motel, like you might find in Schitt’s Creek this an altogether classier establishment. In their own words:

“We were staying at The Brown Palace Hotel in Denver, Colorado. It was built in terms of American history, a long time ago, circa 1892, so it’s fairly new!! The hotel’s claim to fame is the large number of celebrities who have stayed. Including almost every US President except Obama and Trump. What’s interesting is that no-one said why they didn’t stay, they were more interested in telling us that the Beatles stayed, maybe even in the same Presidential suite we had, who knows.  Molly Brown, a famous survivor from the Titanic, stayed for a couple of weeks it seems, but the hotel is not named after her, just a coincidence.

Winning bulls

Another great feature if you happen to be in the hotel during the stock show is that they bring in the winning bull, right into the lobby for all to see, and smell. We missed that but did get to enjoy the very historic building and the very friendly staff.

Internal view of the Brown Palace Hotel, Denver, ColoradoEvery day they have Afternoon Tea in the main 8 stories high atrium. It’s a beautiful room with a piano player and ladies dressed in fancy hats, with ripped jeans. It’s Colorado, things are pretty relaxed here. With all the marijuana being consumed and the thin air, everyone seems a bit light-headed.  

Titanic

What could not be obtained was coffee, “no sir, this is afternoon tea, we don’t have coffee making facilities available”. Coffee was obtained from the bar, and the scones put to the test.Afternoon tea at the Brown Palace Hotel Real clotted cream, OK. Jarred, decent brand jam, OK. But, the scones were small in stature, and basically impossible to put either cream or jam on. I did try to do the jam first in an attempt to hold it together, but it ended up looking like trifle on the plate once the cream was added. Scones at the BrownIf the Titanic hit an iceberg with the consistency of the aforementioned scone, it would still be sailing today, probably spreading Covid-19 as good as any other ship. Of course, with the scone being obtained as a “perk” for being a Marriott Ambassador Elite member, therefore, no charge, I kept my disappointment to myself, and the fine folks reading here.View from 14,000feet to the top of Pikes Peak, Colorado

Colorado

Colorado is an amazing state. You go from desert-like conditions that are dry and arid, 20 C, and then climb 14,000feet to the top of Pikes Peak and it’s -5 C , all in the same day. My mum would love the drive up there, with the sheer drops of 1000 feet or more on one side and the snow piled up on the other. Now it’s the trip back home going from hand sanitizer to hand sanitizer, staying 6 feet from the nearest human as much as possible and holding your breath for the whole 2-hour flight back. Unless, of course, Mr Trump says we can’t and stops more travel”.

Gratis scones

No topscone unfortunately but we are indebted to our correspondents for their excellent report. They were right when they said that the hotel was not named after Titanic’s Molly Brown. It’s named after its founder, real estate developer, Henry Cordes Brown. The triangular plot the hotels sits on was where he used to graze his cow. Nowadays they even have colonies of bees on the roof. It’s part of their drive to be as green as possible. We were not aware that it was possible to get free scones anywhere so we will have to look into this Ambassador Elite shenanigans.Honey bees at the Brown Palace Hotel

Sliced bread

We have come to the conclusion that coronavirus is the best thing since sliced bread. Judging by the news, wars have ceased, famine has been eradicated, refugees have stopped coming, climate change has become of little consequence … brill! Oh but the stock market? We don’t want to appear selfish or self-centred but will our pensions be okay? Will we ever get to stay in the Presidential Suite at the Brown Palace Hotel … and get gratis scones?? And before you ask, yes, we’re okay for toilet rolls.

CO 80202       tel: +1 303-297-3111          Brown Palace

///types.honey.funds

Ordinary, Scones

Boardwalk

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Back in February you will all clearly remember that we visited Duck Bay on Loch Lomondside. We were impressed by its modern, almost glitzy appearance and were surprised to learn that the management, family run Cawley Hotels, also had a place in our home town of Falkirk. Typically perhaps, we then forgot all about it. You know how it is? When you live in a town like Falkirk you tend to think that nothing much changes. The odd ginormous horse’s head appears but otherwise everything pretty much stays the same.

Internal view of Boardwalk, FalkirkThings do change however and this place is a prime example. Just over a year ago it was known as the Wheelhouse because of its proximity to the Falkirk Wheel. We liked it and would occasionally drop in for a coffee or a spot of lunch. Now, however, it is called Boardwalk and it wasn’t until we walked through the door that it dawned on us … Boardwalk is Cawley Hotels place in Falkirk. Now we remember?

Internal view of Boardwalk, FalkirkIt has been transformed from its previous rather dark and subdued existence. Now it is the exact opposite. Both inside and out, it is bright and airy … an huge change for the better. There’s lots of outside seating though today was a wee bit damp to take advantage. New glass walls give the illusion of it being much bigger than it was and there are numerous different eating areas catering to all requirements.

Learning on the job

We had been hoping to have a sandwich and a scone … if they had any. HoweAfternoon tea at Boardwalk, Falkirkver, when we left Duck Bay, all these months ago, we had promised ourselves a return visit to try their delicious looking meringues and strawberry tarts. Here at Boardwalk, we ended up opting for an afternoon tea since that seemed to encompass all our needs – sandwiches, scones, meringues and strawberry tarts … perfecto! A scone at Boardwalk, FalkirkWe were looked after by a nervous looking young chap who had obviously just started and was being tutored in the fine art of looking after discerning sconey’s every whim. He did very well and by the time we left, he not only seemed to have grown in confidence but also in stature … brill!. What about the scones?

Tricky decision

Well, everything was excellent, including the scones. Unfortunately we found ourselves debating whether or not they were topscones and sadly decided that they just missed out .. by the merest smidgen. A little on the big side and a little short on fruit. It was the same tricky decision when we were at Duck Bay so perhaps we should not have been surprised. Everything else about Boardwalk looks and feels great so we will definitely return before long.
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Internal view of Boardwalk, Falkirk

Prince Archie

In between the wall to wall coverage of Prince Archie’s arrival you sometimes get a snippet of Brexit news. Unbelievably, now we will have to elect new representatives to the EU Parliament … even though we are leaving. Okay the EU has stipulated that the UK must not make mischief in the new Parliament but try telling that to mischief-maker-in-chief, Nigel Farage. It seems to us that the EU should have the ability to expel members. The UK must have cost the EU dearly in terms of money and time wasted. They should just expel us and then independent Scotland can get on with the job of rejoining.

External view of Boardwalk, FalkirkWhen we were on the Independence march in Glasgow last week we were impressed with the enthusiasm of the many young people taking part. Why not, it’s their future? They tend to get drowned out by the older voters however. Hence back in February in our Offshore post (the one before Duck Bay), we proposed that everyone one year older than me should be shot. The proposal raised much concerned comment from, perhaps unsurprisingly, readers who thought they might be affected. Okay, it’s a tad radical but we see no reason to change! Otherwise, for goodness sake, how are people supposed to learn to vote correctly?

FK1 4AD       tel: 01324 272427        Boardwalk Falkirk

///ambushes.tungsten.ranges

Ordinary, Scones

Bo’ness & Kinneil Railway

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You’ve all heard of Albert Einstein … general clever clogs with all the fancy theories and the big toes. Today, in a somewhat similar vein, we are testing our own Theory of Sconativity SS=(s¹,s²) where SS = scone satisfaction, s¹ = speed of scone and s² = speed of person eating scone. If s¹ and s² have the same value then SS can be achieved. Normally this theory is of little importance because everything is static however it’s of supreme importance when scones are moving. Okay, too much science?

The Lord Robert steam train at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway
Lord Roberts at Manuel Junction with the electrified Glasgow Edinburgh line on the right

The test is being conducted on board the Bo’ness and Kinneil steam railway which is Scotland’s equivalent of the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva which also, in its own small way, tests the predictions of different theories of particle physics … crumbs?! We are using the Lord Roberts steam engine which was built in Glasgow in 1899. It’s sometimes used for Thomas The Tank Engine outings. Today it is our scone accelerator.

Journey time enough?

There is something rather surreal and exciting about having afternoon tea on a train. Afternoon tea at Bo'ness and Kinneil RailwayIt probably happens all the time on the Orient Express but that is not an experience we are likely to have. Here we were hurtling through the  countryside at a heady 19.75 mph and enjoying tea and scones … brill! The legal limit for this railway is 20 mph so the driver, with a somewhat wry smile, informed us that 19.75 was as fast as they ever go?? Anyway, our afternoon tea was presented very promptly at the start of our trip. Afternoon tea at Bo'ness and Kinneil RailwayGiven that the journey to Manuel Junction, taking in stops at Kinneil and Birkhill stations, lasts no longer than twenty minutes all the teas have to be prepared beforehand and brought onto the train ready plated.

There was a good selection of sandwiches, a few cakes and two scones each accompanied with jam and clotted cream (Rodda’s). No topscones but suffice to say that the Sconativity Theory proved to be completely accurate. Even though the scones were traveling at a considerable velocity … so were we!  SS was well and truly achieved.

Emperors
Birkhill station at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway
Birkhill station

Japan has a new Emperor … wow! We think Jeremy Corbyn has ambitions to be an Emperor too. Simple ‘Prime Minister’ is not going to cut it for him. We don’t expect anything other than self-preservation principles from the Conservatives but we do from Labour. However, after a seemingly promising start as a man of principle, Corbyn has disappointingly proved to be anything but. After a year of sitting on the fence he has decided, after a much lauded meeting of the Labour party on Brexit, to continue fence sitting. We can only assume that this spinelessness is powered, not by the needs of the country, but by simple personal ambition. It’s a bit like his stance on Scottish independence. He wants independence for every country in the world … except Scotland … purely out of self interest. He is never going to become Emperor without Scotland’s die hard Labour voters.Vintage luggage at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway

Heyho, many thanks for the kindness of those who gifted us our Railway Afternoon Tea Vouchers. It was an absolute delight.

EH51 9AQ        tel: 01506 822298        Bo’ness & Kinneil

ps: There was a Falkirk manufactured K6 at Bo’ness station. It had been converted to defibrillator storage.K6 telephone box at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway

Scones, Top

One Devonshire Gardens

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Readers might think that we are getting a wee bit highfalutin coming to places like this. We can only say, however, that it is all done on your behalf, in the name of sconological research.  After the John Forrest Bakery experience in Chelsea, where we ended up eating our scones outdoors in a kiddies playpark, it is only reasonable that we explore the other end of the scone spectrum. Isn’t it? Internal view of Hotel du Vin at One Devonshire Gardens, GlasgowAnyway, this is One Devonshire Gardens, officially known by the rather natty little title, Hotel du Vin at One Devonshire Gardens … and  it is highfalutin. Does that mean topscones though? We know that’s the question on everyone’s lips.  Over the years No 2 and No 3 were added and more recently No 4, so now the hotel takes up the entire terrace.

Kneeling

It’s certainly the place to stay for A-list celebs when they are in Glasgow – from Justin Timberlake to Whitney Houston, you name them they have all stayed. And now we’re here!! We had decided to walk here from the station but had not bargained on the day being so hot. We were extremely glad of a cool sparkling glass of champagne to kick things off. Mind you, can’t remember the last time we were not extremely glad of a glass of champagne. A chandelier at Hotel du Vin at One Devonshire Gardens, Glasgow

As we sat there sipping and thinking how wonderful life was, we learned that Pat was sitting in George Clooney’s old seat and I was in Britney Spears‘, wow! No, we just made that up!Afternoon tea at Hotel du Vin at One Devonshire Gardens, Glasgow Our table was low, about coffee table height. It meant our delightful young waiter of mysterious eastern European origin and almost seven feet tall had to kneel  to explain everything we were getting with our afternoon tea.  It’s slightly odd when your waiter is on his knees but still looking down at you.

Suffice to say that we were starting with savoury on the top tier then working our way down to the cakes at the bottom. The scones, of course, had an entire tier to themselves, as is only right and proper. Back in 2001 when this place belonged to Gordon Ramsay, it had a Michelin star and was called Amaryllis. Well, Michelin star or not, we don’t think the scones would have been any better back then than they were today.

Mon dieu

We had a plain and an apricot and lemon scone each. They were exactly how we like them, warm, crunchy on the outside and light and fluffy in the middle. The only slight problem was getting the tops off the little jars of French, yes French strawberry jam … mon dieu! Everything was fab and, as might be expected in such a place, topscone. All in all it was a lovely relaxing afternoon. There were lots of pictures around the hotel illustrating some profound celebrity quotes. Pictures at Hotel du Vin at One Devonshire Gardens, GlasgowI am not permitted to comment on the one by Rudyard Kipling but the one on the right, by Susan Hill, has been okayed.

11 years

The SNP had their annual conference this week just down the road from One Devonshire. It is astounding that this party is now the second biggest by membership in the UK. It’s also been in power in Scotland for the past eleven years. All this without a single positive word being said about them in any of the media … incredible. Nicola Sturgeon delivered a closing speech which other party leaders could only dream of. One of unity, hope, and kindness. Social media was alive with people wanting to come and live in Scotland. Or even wanting Nicola to go and lead their country. So perhaps there is more than smoothness to some politicians, maybe some are genuinely genuine?

BREAKING NEWS:

Also to be seen was David Cameron, of ill-placed wind turbine fame (oh and leader of the Conservatives) and Roger Highfield of The Telegraph Princess Eugenie, is getting married as we speak and not wearing a veil … mon dieu again!

A picture at Hotel du Vin at One Devonshire Gardens, Glasgow
a large decadent picture in reception

G12 0UX       tel: 0141 378 0385        One Devonshire

ps: Our Middle East correspondent has been busy. On a visit to Petah Tikva (the name means Opening of Hope) about six miles north of Tel Aviv he discovered ten K6 telephone boxes on Haim Ozer street. Sign for Haim Ozer street in Petah Tikva, IsraelK6 telephone boxes on Haim Ozer street in Petah Tikva, Israel

He tested every one and found them all to be in perfect working order and all from either Falkirk, Kirkintilloch or Glasgow … .  manufacturers badges on K6 telephone boxes on Haim Ozer street in Petah Tikva, Israel

Correspondents

Another correspondent, the Laird, has also been in touch to give us a heads up on several new exciting scone opportunities … watch this space. The Pedant has helpfully corrected some of our regular faux pas. Our Trossachs correspondents have reported on an enjoyable but frustratingly sconeless visit to Romania. We feel truly blessed to have such a dedicated band of globetrotting correspondents. Thanks to all.

Scones, Top

Cromlix House Hotel

Cromlix used to be one of our favourite haunts. Many happy evenings have been spent with family and friends in the Red Dining Room, the Conservatory and the upstairs Library. Sadly, after it was taken over by tennis superstar Andy Murray in 2013, they have all disappeared. It’s in the name of progress and by command of Chez Roux. It’s not Andy’s fault. He has Inverlochy Castle Management International managing the place while he is away doing something else. Although famous for his service  you won’t find Andy bringing you a scone or anything else for that matter. Although you never know, considering the way his game has been going recently!

The tennis courts at Cromlix House Hotel, Dunblane
Tennis courts at Cromlix
Lowly cottage

Cromlix itself was built in 1874 as “Cromlix Cottage“. Surely only someone with too much money and too much property would build this as a “cottage”. You can get some idea of what life was like simply by looking at the servants call boxes in the hall.Servants bells at Cromlix House Hotel, DunblaneThey weren’t exactly roughing it in their lowly “cottage”. We used to have a similar but much smaller call box in our own Victorian house. We did away with it, however, because it wasn’t working. Mainly due to the distinct lack of servants.

Anyway, since Andy took over, Pat and I have fallen out of love with Cromlix. You didn’t actually speak to Cromlix when you phoned but to some centralised answering service. We used to get some weird replies like ” we are fully booked for afternoon tea for the next seven months??” We tell you this simply so that we can let you know that these problems are in the past. They seem to have sorted themselves out. Very welcoming with all the staff apparently local and speaking English. We were ushered into an area with which we were very familiar, the old reception hall. Internal view of Cromlix House Hotel, Dunblane

Would Cromlix rehabilitate itself in our affections … it all depended on the scones …. ooooh! The young lady who took our order for a cream tea was very pleasant and while she was away getting things organised we took the opportunity to have a look round. The bar at Cromlix House Hotel, DunblaneThe bar area is very chic though we preferred the old more homely look of it predecessor.

Picture of a shoot at Cromlix House Hotel, Dunblane
The unlucky object of this day’s “sport” may have ended up in this glass case

Cromlix’s hunting and shooting pedigree was also much in evidence.

Rehabilitation

Anyway, it wasn’t long before we were provided with our scones all beautifully presented as befits such a place. Had the scones been freshly shot? We ended up with a difference of opinion. A scone at Cromlix House Hotel, DunblanePat was a tad disappointed saying her scone was ever so slightly doughy whereas I thought mine was just right. However, considering the service, the presentation and the surroundings we eventually decided that a topscone was well deserved. Well done Cromlix. We still hanker for the old place but consider yourself rehabilitated!

Weather and scepticism

Meanwhile back in the real world outside the these pampered confines, the news consists entirely of the weather. People dying, planes cancelled, trains late, moors on fire, places flooded, water shortages. All due to this period of fine weather. We are almost tempted to think that it has all been organised by the Conservatives to divert our attention away from the ongoing fiasco that is Brexit. But that would require a degree of scepticism!! In the interests of balance we cannot just blame the Tories. Labour (the red Tories) are just as bad. How we long for the days when there was an opposition worthy of the name. Now, all our beloved politicians are off on holiday for the parliamentary recess. To enjoy the weather!External view of Cromlix House Hotel, DunblaneFK15 9JT      tel: 01786 822125        Cromlix House Hotel

Ordinary, Scones

Stirling Highland Hotel

Internal view of Stirling Highland HotelIt’s Halloween, a celebration of ghouls and ghosts that we are at a loss to understand. We were brought up on Guy Fawkes and bonfire night, ‘penny for the guy’ and all that. However, we don’t remAfternoon tea at the Stirling Highland Hotelember such a brouhaha about halloween. Could it just be us being completely out of touch? Or could it be, perish the thought, just another hellish import from the US? Whatever it is you would not think that it would have any impact at all on, the altogether more wholesome world of, sconology. But you would be wrong! If you come here to the Stirling Highland Hotel and book an afternoon tea for two you will understand.

Discord

Afternoon tea is supposed to be civilised and civilising, relaxing, romantic even. In this hotel, however, some twisted, devilish mind has designed an afternoon tea with three of everything. It has to be some sort of macabre joke? If anything is going to produce disharmony and discord it is providing three scones for two people. What on earth are they thinking about? Guess you could decide to have one and a half each … but really? A scone at the Stirling Highland HotelThere was also three of each kind of sandwich? Luckily we survived the experience without any blood being spilled. In fact, overall it was quite enjoyable but definitely not one of our finest afternoon tea experiences. And we’ve had a few!

This building used to be the High School of Stirling. The original school was situated in Castle Wynd for over 300 years (now the Portcullis Hotel) and moved here in 1854 before moving to a brand new building in Torbrex village in 1962. The Torbex building was demolished in 2008 after a mere 46 years, so, if history teaches us anything, it certainly doesn’t teach us anything about building schools.

The view towards the Wallace Monument from the Stirling Highland Hotel
View from the hotel towards the Ochil hills and the Wallace Monument
Lord North and Madrid

To prove the point, the current school, near the University of Stirling, was built under one of Labour’s dreaded PFI initiatives. So no matter how long the building lasts we will be paying for it whether it stands or not … heyho! One thing which sets the Stirling Highland Hotel apart is a fully functional observatory on the roof. Not a lot of hotels can boast of that.

External view of Stirling Highland Hotel
The entrance to the hotel

If history does teach us anything, it has to be that history doesn’t teach us much at all. When America declared independence in 1776, Lord North’s UK government made exactly the same noises, almost word for word, as the Madrid government is making towards Catalonia today … and see where that got us! Happy halloween!

FK8 1DU    tel: 01786 272727     Stirling Highland Hotel