1884 Bo’ness

Today we are at 1884 Bo’ness. Readers will be aware that from time to time, we go to the cinema. More often than not we go to the Hippodrome in Bo’ness, Scotland’s oldest picture palace. And, more often than not, we go in the morning, just because we can! Logo at 1884 Kitchen and Grill, BonessWe are not quite sure why, because on the face of it it is a perfectly normal thing to do, but it still seems vaguely sinful. It’s not so much going in, it’s coming out when it’s not even lunchtime!

Anyway, us sinners went to see Mike Leigh’s Peterloo today and we had no worries about coming out before lunch. At two and a half hours, it’s something of an epic. It’s all about democracy in 1819 and the British government’s attempts to drown it at birth. They did not want common folk getting ideas above their station like the dastardly French. Four years earlier us Brits had given Napoleon a jolly good thrashing at the Battle of Waterloo and, sadly, our ruling classes looked on the Peterloo Massacre of its own people in a similarly triumphant light. This was amply illustrated by the fact that it actually took place at Petersfield in Manchester but was adapted to Peterloo as a warning to other potential upstarts. Internal view of 1884 Kitchen and Grill, Boness

Democracy

Anyway the take home message of the film was that we’ve not come very far in the intervening centuries. The UK is still the least democratic of all European states and, of course, democracy has yet to be discovered in Scotland.

After almost three hours of fairly intense viewing however, sustenance was definitely required. Just a short distance from the cinema we came across 1884 Bo’ness, a new café /restaurant. It had only opened a few weeks previously. The rather ancient looking exterior belies its nice modern welcoming interior. It does everything you would expect of a ‘kitchen grille’ but, of course, scones were the main attraction for us. When we asked why it was called ‘1884’, we were told it was because it was carved in stone on the outside of the building. It’s construction date. Date carved in wall outside 1884 Kitchen and Grill, BonessAs good a reason as any and for brother and sister owners, David and Kirstie Stein it’s become rather habit forming. They also run very successful businesses, 1807 in Linlithgow and 1912 in Bathgate.

We decided on a fruit scone and opted for their offer of it being toasted. It was wonderfully warm when it arrived and came with plenty prepackaged jam, butter and whipped cream. It would have been nicer to have had a dish of jam, a pat of butter and some clotted cream but that wasn’t to be. Sadly, no topscone but we enjoyed everything about 1884 Bo’ness and would certainly return on our next cinema visit.

1884 and all that

While this building was being constructed in 1884 there were other things happening elsewhere.

  • Here in Scotland, in scenes that must have been reminiscent of Peterloo, Royal Marines and police arrived in naval vessels at the tiny village of Uig on the Isle of Skye to help a landowner evict crofters from his Kilmuir estate.
  • Otto von Bismarck declared South Africa a German colony.
  • In the US, Alaska became a US territory and on Coney Island the first roller coaster went into action with a thrilling top speed of 6mph.
  • Batchelor, Grover Cleveland became President of America in spite of admitting to fathering a child in his youth. It gave rise to the chant used against him “Ma, Ma, where‘s my Pa? Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha!”.
  • John Harvey Kellogg, patented “flaked cereal” (cornflakes) which he intended as a ‘healthy, ready-to-eat anti-masturbatory morning meal’!
  • In France the Statue of Liberty was presented to the US and Claude Monet painted “La Corniche near Monaco.”
  • In the UK, Greenwich was accepted as the universal time meridian of longitude though France refused to accept it for another thirty years.
  • The Gaelic Athletic Association was founded in Ireland
Cornflakes

From this list we can reasonably deduce that the world has always been slightly mad. Though perhaps not quite as mad as it is today. The EU has sent Theresa May packing. Her attempts to bring about an acceptable Brexit deal  seem almost as futile as Kellog’s ambitions for his breakfast cereal.

Wall decoration in the form of a cows skull at 1884 Kitchen and Grill, Boness
wall decoration at 1884

EH51 0EA     tel: 01506 829946        1884 Kitchen and Grill FB

Orange Pekoe – Revisited

A Christmas decoration at Orange Pekoe tea house in Barnes, LondonThe last time we reviewed a scone at Orange Pekoe the mighty David Cameron was in power. He had just bored a small child half to death with one of his storytelling photo opportunities. It was only a month to go before the EU referendum he had called to resolve all his political problems. Oh, if he had just waited for the result, what a story he could have told then! Except he mysteriously vanished and hasn’t been seen since?

Plonkers

We have come to the conclusion that the subsidies that schools like Eton, Harrow and Westminster enjoy should be withdrawn. They are supposed to produce fine upstanding leaders to rule over us and set an example to us ordinary folk who cannot afford such an elite education. Their primary purpose, of course, is to maintain the system whereby the country’s wealth is retained by them. In recent years, or perhaps always, they have failed completely in this relatively simply task. Instead they have produced a long line of plonkers. Plonkers or not, credit where credit’s due, they have managed to retain their wealth. Stop the privileges for the privileged we say! Interior view of Orange Pekoe tea house in Barnes, LondonRadical or what?

Anyway, enough of that. London is awash with eating places. Sometimes, however, in such cosmopolitan surroundings, a simple scone can be surprisingly difficult to find. As you know we have reviewed upmarket Claridge’s and top of the range Connaught but our favourite remains this tiny tea house in Barnes. It’s friendly and informal atmosphere is very reassuring. It’s always nice to be greeted with “just the usual” when you walk in after not having been near the place for months.  Naturally it serves wonderful food and, of course, a wide range of teas. A scone at Orange Pekoe tea house in Barnes, LondonWe come here a lot for breakfast but, since the last review was three years ago, we thought we should check the scones again on your behalf.

There was no need to worry our fruit scone came just as it had the last time, deliciously warm and with lots of everything to go with it. Ten out of ten for consistency and absolutely no problem awarding a topscone.

Panto

Orange Pekoe revisited means we are just a short hop up the Thames from the Palace of Westminster and coming up to Christmas it’s panto time again. Never mind Aladdin and Cinderella though the best pantomime this year is definitely here at Westminster … “will she, won’t she?”, “they’re behind you”! Our politics is all happening in typically chaotic pantomime fashion, only with none of the humour! No matter what the result is of tonight’s vote of no confidence in Theresa May, the Brexit pantomime looks set to continue indefinitely. Thank you Orange Pekoe for providing a strong and stable oasis of calm.

SW13 0PX      tel: 020 88766070       www.orangepekoeteas.com

Jamesfield Farm

Jamesfield Farm is not in a part of the country we visit often. It’s not often we drive along the the south side of the river Tay, however, today is an exception. We ended up here at Elcho Castle but it was shut for the winter!

External view of Elcho Castle
Elcho Castle, built in 1560 as the family seat of the Wemyss family

No worries, Elcho is not the main reason we are here. Acting on a tip-off from our Trossachs correspondents, we were actually looking for a very rare K3 telephone box. One of only two left in the UK and the other one is in a museum.

Rarities in Rhynd

Apologies but scone purists will simply have to bear with us. Since we seem to have acquired a fair number of scone/telephone box enthusiasts, we feel we have to try and cater to everyone. Fear not, we will get to the scones! Just up the road from the castle we found our K3  outside the old post office house in the tiny hamlet of Rhynd. Not only was the box open, it was in perfect working order!

wide and close up view of K3 telephone box at Rhynd
This K3 has a preservation order and is one of only two left in the UK

This was probably more to do with the preservation order it enjoys rather than the need for functioning public telecommunications in Rhynd. All K3s were made of concrete with teak doors and like the K1 and the K5 were painted cream with red windows. Rather oddly the K3 was introduced in 1929 … after the K4?? The K2 was deemed too expensive to install outside of London so this little box may have been one of the first in Scotland.  If you are looking for a K3, however, and can’t make it to Rhynd your best bet is probably to take a holiday in Portugal where they are still fairly numerous.

Ducks and geese

Anyway, all this excitement, rather predictably, created hunger pangs that simply couldn’t be ignored. Not far from Rhynd we came across Jamesfield Farm Shop and Restaurant which prides itself on having been organic for the past thirty years. Some of these farm shops seem to be housed in fairly industrial looking buildings and this one is no exception. In the title picture the restaurant is located in the distance behind the roosters.

View from the Jamesfield Farm restaurant near Perth
View looking north from the restaurant

On the plus side, the grounds have been landscaped quite nicely with several ponds for ducks and geese. The restaurant itself is big and rather utilitarian but they did have a good range of scones and the service was very friendly and welcoming. Internal view of Jamesfield Farm restaurant near Perth

Since we were having some lunch as well we eventually decided on one of their large cherry scones to share. Jamesfield is a great example of a family owned farming business that has had to diversify to survive. With their restaurant, shop and garden centre, they do it very well. What effect withdrawal from the EU’s Common Agricultural Policy will have on farming remains to be seen but we suspect that it won’t be for the better. A scone at Jamesfield Farm restaurant near PerthGiven our government’s constant carping about the cost of the CAP, they are hardly likely to be more generous once it’s gone. If scones are anything to go by, however, Jamesfield will do okay no matter what happens. As well as producing lots of fruit and vegetables they do all their own baking. Although our cherry scone wasn’t a topscone, it  was very enjoyable nevertheless.

Soap operas

Never thought we would see the day that ‘Live in Parliament’ would threaten to overtake Coronation Street’s viewing figures. It is fast becoming debatable which is the most riveting soap.

External view of the entrance to the Jamesfield Farm restaurant near Perth
Entrance to the shop and restaurant

The government defeated three times within an hour and held in contempt for the first time in history. Wow, and, like Coronation Street, this is real life! Simultaneously, Theresa May maintains her mantra. The answer to every single question of the past two months “I alone know what is best for everyone”. When she explicitly says that she knows what is best for the people of Scotland she doesn’t seem to have any inkling of how insulting that is. The country that voted overwhelmingly to not do what she wants to do.  Thank goodness for Dominic Grieve who has perhaps made it possible to rest power away from the May dictatorship. If we weren’t so irritatingly polite in this country we would have a gilet jaune movement too.External view of Jamesfield Farm restaurant near Perth

KY14 6EW     tel: 01738 850498         Jamesfield Farm Restaurant

Darcy’s – Princes Square

Sometimes you just get the urge. You just fancy something! Maybe you fancy a classic mojito, perhaps a strawberry fizz mocktail; maybe a spot of face painting; or even a full blown lunch with private dining; maybe some live music. Or maybe you just want to stay in the EU or maybe you just never want to hear of Brexit ever again! Well, you can have all of these (except the last two) at Darcy’s in Glasgow’s Princes Square. All Ted Baker and Vivienne Westwood, Princes Square is a rather upmarket glitzy shopping centre. Darcy’s is just one of a dozen restaurants.

Christmas lights in Royal Exchange Square, Glasgow
Christmas comes to Glasgow’s Royal Exchange Square
Epic messes

It was over two years ago that we were here having afternoon tea at Cranachan and berating them for serving fully loaded scones. As you all know by now, a cardinal sin in our eyes. We were also feeling a bit sorry for Jeremy Corbyn. He had just done unexpectedly well in the general election but was being given a hard time for not singing while everyone else was trying to enlist God’s help in saving HRH. Things haven’t got any better for him in the intervening years but it’s all of his own making. Any sympathy we may have had has long since evaporated. Unbelievably, he actually might even have a chance of winning a general election should one be called. Not because of anything he has done but simply because of the epic mess the Tories are currently making of just about everything.. Internal view of Darcy's Café, Prices Square, Glasgow

Okay, okay what about Darcy’s scones? It’s busy busy and there was only a single table left when we arrived. The whole place had a nice buzz about it. That buzz however may have given rise to a slight hiccup at the beginning when, having waited for about five minutes, we had to go and find someone to serve us. However, after that we were looked after very well. A scone at Darcy's Café, Prices Square, GlasgowOur scones came on very large plates which we were sure were the same as we had when reviewing our Liberty of London scone. That was also over two years ago so how sad is it that we remember things like the plates? My coffee was great and came complete with a little amaretti biscuit … nice!.

Anyway the plates certainly didn’t cramp our lovely warm fruit scones … nicely presented with a pat of butter, a pot of the ubiquitous Tiptree jam and a ramekin of cream with a strawberry on top. What’s not to like? In the end we decide to forgive the hiatus in service and award a topscone. Well done Darcy’s.

Face painting

 Just in case we have fired up anyone’s interest in face painting, it takes place every Sunday between 1 and 3pm and everyone goes home with a balloon! Remember to have a scone as well!

French newspaper covering at Darcy's Café, Prices Square, Glasgow
Pillars covered in old French newspapers??
Landing on Mars

We weaved our way back to the railway station through dozens of beggers sitting in the wet and cold. We also learned that we have successfully landed a spaceship on Mars … hurragh! With all these beggers, food banks and 1 in 4 children living in poverty, lets hope, if they find anything at all on Mars, it’s a moral compass?

G1 3JN        tel: 0845 166 6012        Darcy’s

ps: Attention all telephone box enthusiasts. Obviously this not a K6  but a somewhat different concrete police telephone box. The only similarity to a K6 is that its door is also made of teak. Originally all police telephone boxes were coloured red and only changed to blue because of the popularity of Dr Who. None of the BBC’s props have actually been true to the original design. The explanation is that its chameleon circuits sometimes drift a little if left in the same position for too long. This particular TARDIS in Buchanan Street did not really contain a huge Bier Halle  full of drunken Germans. Although we didn’t actually look inside??Tardis in Buchanan Street, Glasgow

Café Trio

View of Falkirk Steeple
Falkirk Steeple on the High Street

You know how we were moaning in our previous post  about the demise of Falkirk’s high street, well this evolution, that many other towns are also experiencing, is pretty relentless. The consequences can sometimes be unexpected. Spaces left by failed shops usually get filled by enterprises that can’t be accessed online i.e. hairdressers and cafés. Falkirk is now awash with both. That in itself leads to another problem … there are so many, survival for all of them is nigh on impossible.

Record shops

Café Trio is perhaps a good example of this evolution in action because when we reviewed it about a year ago it was as a previous incarnation, Sorocha’s. Before that it was Mathiesons the Bakers which, with several shops, used to have a major presence in the town. And before that it was a record shop, Sleeves. Merely talking about record shops is an indication of how long ago that was, yet it was only 2003 that it closed. Sleeves was driven out by the big hitters, Virgin Records and HMV, that opened large flashy town centre stores. However, they in turn were driven out by the advent of things like iTunes and Spotify. Where will it all end? For sure, the plethora of cafés and hairdressers can mean only one thing … only the best will survive. Internal view of Café Trio, Falkirk

Treacle?

A year ago we were critical of Sorocha’s for its lack of atmosphere but ended up awarding it a topscone for some of the lightest scones we had ever come across. Unfortunately Café Trio hasn’t altered the atmosphere problem. It’s still as bland and uninspiring as ever, but would their scones need ‘pegging down’? Scones at Café Trio, FalkirkPat got a fruit scone and, since it had been some time since I’d had a treacle scone, I opted for that.

What sort of jam do you have with treacle scones? Or do you have jam at all? We know these sorts of dilemmas keep our readers awake at night. There was no cream however the oriental gentleman who was looking after us very attentively kindly offered a selection of jams. Strawberry just didn’t seem right and neither did raspberry so the winner was apricot. For our American readers that’s ‘apricot’ as in ‘apple’, not ‘apricot’ as in ‘able’!

To approach the problem scientifically, I had half with jam and half without. Analysis of the results showed treacle scones to be best with butter alone. However, if you must have jam then apricot isn’t a bad choice. Now you can rest easy! Pat’s fruit scone was quite good but mine was undercooked in the middle so a bit on the heavy side. Definitely no pegging down required! No topscone this time round unfortunately.

Pictures at Café Trio, Falkirk
wall art at Caf

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Counting in your head

The café appeared to be run by a Chinese family and when we went to pay our bill their delightful young daughter (seven or eight years old), who was operating the till, actually worked out our change in her head and got it exactly right … clever girl! It’s a long time since we’ve seen that! We wish Café Trio the very best of luck in this highly competitive market place but we fear we may be reviewing it yet again next year under a different name. Let’s hope not.

Scones after Brexit

By that time Brexit will have happened and we will no longer be in the EU. Great, it will just be like old times! We will be able to go to war with anyone who doesn’t realise we are superior without all these pesky EU rules and regulations getting in the way. Take note France! Thankfully, we do not depend on the EU for scones. Oh, but what about the fruit … and the coffee? Maybe it will be plain scones only after Brexit, washed down with a small bowl of light gruel. Can’t wait!Logo at Café Trio, Falkirk

Scone songs

When we reviewed Sarocha’s we flagged up a scone song on behalf of one of our US readers and asked if anyone could come up with a superior offering. Unbelievably no one has, so let us throw down the gauntlet once again. For inspiration you can listen to it again by clicking here. Excited already!!

FK1 1PL            tel: 01324 227470             Café Trio FB

A scone at Passiontree Velvet Café, Toowoomba, Australiaps: Our antipodean correspondents have been in touch with news of a scone down under. Having just returned to Aus from holiday in the UK they were able to inform us that the UK had better scones but Australia had better coffee! Is that just a hint of Aus/Brit rivalry creeping in there? They had their scone in Passiontree Velvet, Toowoomba which sounds good enough to eat in itself.

Having looked at Passiontree’s website, however, they obviously don’t know the difference between ‘high tea’ and ‘afternoon tea’, so in the face of such uncivilised ignorance, any potential claims to scone superiority would have been disregarded anyway. Not that we would ever get competitive about such things! Many thanks to J&P for their report, keep them coming!

The Greengrocer Café

 The logo of the Greengrocer café, StirlingBack in the day when Scotland was a proud, honest and self-respecting country rather than the rather sad colony it has become, the town of Stirling epitomised the struggle between Scotland and its southern neighbour. Its very name means ‘place of strife’. From 1296 onwards the town was frequently occupied by English forces only for them to be driven out by the Scots some time later. It has gone back and forth like a fiddler’s elbow ever since. It could be argued, it is currently under English occupation. Scotland, even with its own government in Edinburgh, has scant say over its own affairs.

Never mind all that though, we are here to do some important stuff … shopping. The short rainy trip to Stirling had become necessary because of the mere fact that there are relatively few large stores left in Falkirk. It has been badly hit by the online revolution. The same shops, however, still seem to thrive here in wealthier Stirling. There’s always been a ‘friendly’ rivalry between Falkirk and Stirling, a bit like that between Glasgow and Edinburgh. Traditionally, Falkirk with its much bigger population and heavy industries made the money: a bit like Glasgow, while Stirling, retained much more strategic and political clout:a bit like Edinburgh.

Rumbling tums

Anyway, after a wonderful few hours of retail therapy in the Thistles Shopping Centre we began to feel a little peckish. This shopping centre is the only one in the world to feature its own 16th century  jail, the Thieves Pot. All very well if you fancy a spot of incarceration but does zilch for a rumbling tum. In fact the entire Thistles Centre seemed to do little in the way of restaurants or cafés. Just wall to wall retail outlets. A short walk along Port Street, however, led us here to the Greengrocer Café. A delightful mix ofA scone at the Greengrocer café, Stirling café, delicatessen and greengrocery. It’s tucked away down a little lane. A nice feature is the large communal table in the main shop. However we decided on a smaller one in the main café area at the back.

The staff welcomed us warmly and we immediately took a liking to the place. Nice atmosphere, a wide range of food on offer and homemade cakes to die for. Pat was lusting after a ginormous strawberry pavlova in such a way that I had to remind her, in no uncertain terms, of her sconological duties. We ordered a light lunch followed by a shareable fruit scone. Everything was excellent and our scone was no exception. The only downside was the cream.

Alstroemeria table decoration at the Greengrocer café
Alstroemeria table decoration

They had said it was whipping cream however it seemed more like the scooshie stuff to us. It was okay but, unfortunately went a bit watery, shame! But for that relatively minor issue this could easily have been a topscone.

HAL

When we finished our scone it was back out into the wet for our journey home only to be told, on the car radio, of the demise of Douglas Rain .  Brexit and Californian forest fires were suddenly of little importance. Now, some of you may not be aware of the significance of Rain’s passing but his was the voice of HAL, the computer in Stanley Kubrick‘s, 2001: A Space Odyssey.  HAL had a mind of its own and back in 1972, we gave our first ever car, a Citroen Dyane, which also had a mind of its own, the same name. Tears were shed when HAL eventually went to the great garage in the sky. Now his voice has gone too. As Trump would say … sad!HAL, our Citroen Dyane in 1973FK8 2ER      tel: 01786 479159        The Greengrocer Café FB

V&A Dundee Living Room

Recently, much has been written in praise of the new V&A Dundee museum of design on the city’s waterfront. Of course, the pictures of the building always look spectacular.

External view of the V&A Dundee Design Museum
the V&A with Captain Scott’s ship, Discovery on the right

Our visit was mainly driven. however, by the fact that we had driven past the building before it was opened in September and were curious to see what wonders could be contained within such an striking building. Of course, there was always the possibility that amongst these wonders a scone or two might linger. External view of the V&A Dundee Design MuseumSo it was with much anticipation that we drove north on an overcast but very mild day. It has to be said that it’s a major achievement for all involved that this £80m venture has been financed and brought to fruition. A large part of the funding came from the National Lottery. What did the government do before they facilitated gambling on an industrial scale? Without the Lottery Fund and the EU we don’t think anything would have been built in the UK in the past twenty years.

Pots of marmalade

The approach to the building, designed by Japanese architect Kengo Kuma inspired apparently by cliffs in Orkney, is impressive as is the space into which you enter. It’s vast. Internal view of the V&A Dundee Design MuseumWe wandered round all the exhibits with a growing sense of bemusement. There did not seem to be a defined storyline or any sense of continuity. Just a series of individual and not necessarily connected exhibits e.g. pots of marmalade and engine designs for the Queen Mary ocean liner.

Internal view of the V&A Dundee Design Museum
One of the style rooms

 

There was, however, a Scottish theme – the Beano comic, Alexander McQueen fashionista and the story of tartan but all a bit disjointed. This is one of Scotland’s newest cultural centres but, at the end of the day, we just didn’t ‘get it’. We felt confused by the use of space and uninspired by many of the exhibits. The reconstruction of Charles Rennie Macintosh’s Ingram Street tearoom was one of many exceptions however. Rescued after it was demolished in 1907 and kept in storage ever since, it’s fantastic that it has found a new life here at the V&A … no scones though.

Scone exhibits

Overall though it seemed, to us, like a triumph of academia over common sense. However you always new  that we were cultural philistines anyway so perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised. One thing they did get right … all the scone exhibits were in the café area known as The Living Room. Internal view of the V&A Dundee Design Museum

Even this café had been ‘designed’ to within an inch of it’s life and was also a bit weird e.g. our name was painstakingly written on our paper cups for collection at the cash desk but we still managed to be given “Mrs Robertson’s”? We weren’t impressed and neither was Mrs Robertson.  A scone at the V&A Dundee Design MuseumA banana and chocolate scone was the object of our desires. Another triumph of academia over common sense.

What sort of jam do you have with such a scone, or do you have jam at all. Such are our day to day dilemmas. Blackcurrant was the answer though not necessarily the right answer. Although people have been eating off round plates since the beginning of time (presumably that is the most practical shape) because this place is a temple to design, our plates were long and thin and pretty awkward to use. Yet another triumph of academia over .. we won’t go on! We were creamless and the scone itself was relatively tasteless in spite of it’s exotic contents. The whole plastic cutlery, paper cup experience was totally out of keeping with such a ‘quality’ environment. Inexplicable and headbangingly frustrating … a bit like the museum itself. External view of the V&A Dundee Design Museum

Clipping wings

As we write, America’s Plonker In Chief, is having his wings clipped. He has lost control of the House of Representatives. Not particularly great news for Trump but at least the US and the rest of the world can breathe a little more easily. Unfortunately, in Dundee, the closure of the Michelin tyre factory with the loss of 850 jobs, has just been announced. A hammer blow for the city. This sparkly new V&A will be no substitute for that loss.

DD1 4EZ         tel: 01382 411611          V&A Dundee

Useful link: things to do in Dundee

London Wetlands – Revisited

From one nature reserve to another. Our previous post was from Vane Farm in Scotland and this one is London Wetlands – Revisited. We have reviewed its scones before but that was back in 2016, just a few weeks after the EU referendum. Back then we reported that London, like Scotland, voted overwhelmingly to remain and that feelings were running pretty high. A nation divided! This time we can report that nothing has changed in the two intervening years except that now we have only a few months to go before having to apply for a visa to visit France … arrgghh!. There is an air of disbelief that, even though the vote was won on the basis of momentous lies and Mr Brexit’s, (Arron Banks), colossal and suspicious funding  of the Leave campaign, we are still no nearer knowing what the consequences of leaving will be.

Brexit scones

Enough! … what about the scones, will they be affected by Brexit? We are here at the Wetlands because we had to deliver a certain mini-person back to her home which is just a short walk away from here. Nothing stands still here and we found many new additions to the already superb attractions on offer. It is still the only wildlife reserve we know of that has a three story bird-hide with a lift. Lego animals at London Wetland Centre

At Vane Farm we had to take part in a Halloween based competition but this time our task was to find all the animals in the reserve made from Lego. We had to find the animal then mark down the number of lego bricks it took to build it e.g. do you know how many lego bricks it takes to build a life sized flamingo? Thought not! We had added a four year old to go with our five year old mini-person so, with two mini-people, we had lots of valuable assistance. Interior view of London Wetlands Café

Extra health

Assistance also came in the form of a scone when we took a break for lunch from the beautiful but bitterly cold weather outside. The self-service cafe had also undergone a makeover with a brand new colour scheme and seating arrangement. It’s always busy, busy! A scone at London Wetlands CaféThey have a counter where kiddies can fill a small plastic bucket with anything they want, mostly healthy options, for £5. Good fun for them and simplicity for grown ups. Talking of healthy options, the scones were blueberry with a little pot of strawberry jam … lots of fruit in both. We passed on the Rhoddas Cornish clotted cream. The blueberries made the scones wonderfully moist so that they hardly needed jam. However, we used it anyway … just for extra health! Not quite topscone material but very enjoyable nevertheless.

Interior view of London Wetlands Café
even the birds come in to eat!

 

We covered almost the entire reserve and the flamingo was the only one we couldn’t find. Eventually after much to-ing and fro-ing we discovered it. It was in the middle of the shop that you have to go through on the way out. A bit sneeky! Interior view of London Wetlands CaféAnyway, for your information, it takes 3100 lego bricks and 80 hours to build a life sized flamingo. Remember, you only get this sort of essential information on allaboutthescones.com! No lollipops this time for completing the competition … boo! Just the chance to win a place on a lego animal building course.

Abominations

Suffice to say that the Conservative and Labour parties may well be better employed going on one of these Lego courses for all the good they are doing elsewhere. Goodness knows what sort of horrific monsters they would produce though! In answer to the other burning question, we think scones will benefit from Brexit. And we say that as staunch Remainers. Logic dictates that once we have stopped all foreigners coming into the country and selling their rubbish food (croissants and the like) in cafés across the land, we will only have quaint little chintzy tea-shops selling scones and other civilized British food. An added bonus will be the removal of the acute accent from the word café … and all other such abominations! Hurrah …  ‘Cry God for Harry, England, and Saint George!’

SW13 9WT      tel: 020 8409 4400        London Wetland Centre

Vane Farm Café

.As relatively keen birdwatchers we have been to this RSPB Reserve and Vane Farm Café at Loch Leven many times before however it’s been a couple of years since our last visit. The same cannot be said of around 30,000 geese that fly in from Greenland, Siberia and Iceland at this time every year.

Birdwatchers at Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch Leven
looking for Egbert
Egbert

It is amazing to think that these large birds can undertake such lengthy and arduous journeys. When they all take flight together, it’s an awsome sight.  Vane Farm is a great place to see all sorts of birds and we had a great time, with our mini-person from the Grand Café post visiting all three hides down near the water’s edge. Lots of ducks, moorhens, coots and pheasants but the star of the show was Egbert. He’s a little egret who has made his home here for the past few years. Interior view of Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch Leven

Skeleton’s heads

Most of our time however was spent looking for skeleton’s heads and scary spiders in a kiddie’s event which meant that we had to cover the entire reserve ticking off ‘finds’ on a sheet of paper. Great fun but it’s not too long, on a fairly brisk day, before rumbling tums are calling us back to the café area.

Exterior view of Vane Farm Nature Reserve at Loch Leven
Engineering works

 

Currently there is major engineering works going on around the shop and café area to make the hides wheelchair accessible. It is causing a few temporary problems for traffic on the main road as well as walkers and cyclists. By the looks of things it will soon be finished. The café above the shop is kitted out with several telescopes at a large observation window.

View from Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch Leven
They’re too far away!!!

Kids get the chance to see some of the wildlife, up close, without having to brave the elements. Typically the café is populated by folks with massive lenses on their cameras or mega telescopes slung over their shoulders. We only had our little binoculars …. amateurs! A scone at Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch LevenAfter an excellent light lunch we eventually got to our fruit scones. There was no cream but they did come with plenty butter and jam. We thoroughly enjoyed everything we had but no topscone today.

Errant nobility

Munching a scone and looking out from the cafe across Loch Leven you can clearly see Castle Island. The castle dates from 1257 and over the years has functioned as a home, a garden ornament ( a recent owner designed his entire garden on the shores of Loch Leven around the view of the castle) and on many occasions as a prison for errant nobility. It’s most illustrious prisoner was, of course, Mary Queen of Scots.  In 1565 the 21 year old Mary visited the castle as a guest of Sir William Douglas, little knowing that within two years she would be incarcerated there.

View from Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch Leven
Castle island in middle distance
Beheadings

She had already been Queen of France and her relatively short stay on this island was to be no less eventful. She recovered from a suspected poisoning attempt, miscarried twins, made several escape bids and was forced to abdicate her throne. Not much time for scones then? She escaped with the assistance of her jailers only to spend the rest of her life imprisoned in other castles. Eventually her cousin, Elizabeth I of England, on Trumped up charges (couldn’t resist the capital T) ordered her to be beheaded at the tender age of forty four. If Theresa May had the powers Elizabeth had back then how many headless politicians would be lying around today? She would be knee deep! Sorry, forgot that most of them are acting like headless chickens anyway without Theresa having any such powers.

Wizard’s wand

More importantly we found all the items in the game except the witches wand. We had to backtrack almost the whole way to find it! Won a lollipop though!

KY13 9LX      tel: 01577 862355        Vane Farm Nature Reserve

The Scotsman Grand Café

We had popped in here, to what used to be the offices of the Scotsman newspaper, on a previous occasion. Impressed with the gracious surroundings and the helpfulness of the staff we vowed to visit again. The Grand Café is their restaurant area and they do a mini afternoon tea for mini people and it just so happened that today we had such a mini person accompanying us. So after phoning to book two cream teas and a mini afternoon tea we jumped on the train to Edinburgh full of excited anticipation. When we arrived they checked our booking and read it back to us … excellent! What could go wrong? Internal view of the Grand Café, Scotsman Hotel, Edinburgh

Where are the cream teas?

Then a waiter arrived at our table to find out what we wanted?? We repeated our order then he asked if we would like a gin drink or champagne with it. Unexpected but because we were in a happy mood we thought we would have the champagne. It arrived fairly promptly and then we waited .. and waited …… and waited. After watching people who came in well after us tucking into large lunches we had to ask what had happened to ours and were assured that it was being prepared. Eh, it’s a couple of scones and some jam!! Anyway, eventually they came with a mini afternoon tea and afternoon tea for two?? What happened to our cream teas?

Waiting area at the toilets at the Grand Café, Scotsman Hotel, Edinburgh
Waiting area at the toilets
Sounds of gun fire

The boss lady was summoned and she said that we had champagne so we had to have afternoon tea … arrgghh! We told her that we had given the same order umpteen times and that the waiter had then asked us if we wanted champagne. To which we gave the obvious if somewhat predictable answer. Obviously something had been lost in the eastern european translation. A scone at the Grand Café, Scotsman Hotel, EdinburghThe afternoon teas, which had taken so long to prepare, were whisked away and replaced, shortly thereafter, by our two cream teas accompanied with profuse apologies. We thought we heard the slightly muffled sound of a waiter being shot but luckily he soon reappeared.

More please

All this was extremely disappointing because we had had high hopes for this place and the prolonged wait would have seemed even longer had we not had a mini person to amuse us. There was a plain and a fruit scone with each cream tea and they were quite big which meant that there was only enough jam for one … we had to ask for more. To make matters even worse the scones were delicious … what a dilemma! If it hadn’t been for the veritable catalogue of mistakes they would easily have merited a topscone but sadly not on this occasion.

To top it all off, when the bill arrived, although they had kindly given us a substantial discount they still got it wrong, they had overcharged! Logo of the Grand Café, Scotsman Hotel, EdinburghIf this all this sounds like a complete disaster, it wasn’t … we did in fact have a very enjoyable afternoon but that was largely due to a five year old’s funny observations. The Grand Café is a beautiful place with its marbled halls and chandeliers. They certainly knew how to build newspaper offices back in 1905 when the Scotsman produced its first edition. Apparently we were sitting in what used to be the editorial section.

Left hand, right hand

As social media takes over from traditional print the newspaper industry everywhere is seeing plummeting circulation figures and the Scotsman is no exception. It is currently up for sale. The only newspaper with expanding circulation in Scotland is the National, the only one that supports independence. Anyway, we’re sure that we just had an unlucky experience at the Grand Café. The left hand simply didn’t seem to know what the right hand was doing. A bit like the Conservative party’s handling of Brexit.External view of the Grand Café, Scotsman Hotel, EdinburghEH1 1TR          tel: 0131 622 2999        Grand Café

ps our Middle East correspondent has sent in a report from Ireland. We know it’s not in the middle east but he gets around. This time he has unearthed an albino K6 in County Wicklow in Eire.

K6 telephone box outside Jonny Fox's piub in County Wicklow, Eire
Johnny Fox’s pub … K6 on far right

K6 telephone box outside Jonny Fox's piub in County Wicklow, Eire

Made in Kirkintilloch, the fact that it is outside Johnny Fox’s pub, world famous for its Hooley Night is entirely coincidental.

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics