The Covenanter Hotel

29 September 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

“Down with tyranny – we are and we will make free”.

Depending on you’re political stance, these words could easily refer the UK’s departure from the EU .. or, just as easily, to Scotland’s continuing struggle for independence. These words don’t refer to either, however. It was, in fact, the cry of the Covenanters when they were descending on government troops in Dumfries in 1666 at the start of the Pentland Uprising. The Covenanters refused to recognise the King, rather than Christ, as head of the Church. Thus began some of the bloodiest episodes in Scottish history with over 18,000 Covenanters eventually paying the ultimate price. You mess around with Christians fighting other Christians at your peril … God on both sides?

© bill paterson photography — Falkland Palace, where James V died in 1542. He had been visiting his mistress at Tantallon Castle then spent a few days with his pregnant wife in Linlithgow Palace before traveling to Falkland where he fell ill and passed away. Serves him jolly well right!

What’s in a name?

Statue of Onesiphorus Tyndall Bruce opposite the Covenanter Hotel in Falkland — Tyndall-Bruce statue

In spite of its name, this hotel, does not appear to have any direct connections with Covenanters. It was probably named after a famous Covenanter, Rev Richard Cameron, who was born in one of the neighbouring houses. When you enter between the two Doric columns of the doorway you come into what seems like a rabbit warren of small sitting rooms and bars. Eventually we were directed by some very chatty and friendly staff to a small snug bar. From the window we could look across the road to Falkland Palace and the statue of Onesiphorus Tyndall-Bruce. What a name … sounds like an advert for single piece pyjamas? Turns out that Onesiphorus was the son of slave traders, educated at Eton and Oxford who, by the 1810, had managed to acquire debts of £50,000, approx £1m in today’s money. He ended up marrying into money and owning the whole of Falkland. A perfect example of British upper class privilege that’s still so prevalent today.

View from the Covenanter Hotel in Falklandiew of the Covenanter Hotel in Falkland — Downtown Falkland

In the movie, Outlander, the Covenanter Hotel was Mrs Baird’s guest house where Claire and Frank spent their honeymoon in episode 1. As we pondered whether they had had a scone or not, ours arrived. Quite nicely presented, we were eager to get started. Sadly, they were probably the worst scones we have had in a long time. Peculiar texture and very sweet. No topscone but we enjoyed our visit nevertheless. Falkland is a wonderful village that still looks as if it belongs to a bygone era.

Anyone for …?

We did consider going for a game on the oldest tennis court in the world … first played on in 1539. It’s within the Palace and takes the form of Royal tennis … one of only forty such courts in existence. Not something that Andy Murray would recognise and difficult after a large scone. We just went home.

Free scone

We are sponsoring a free scone at the Covenanter Hotel for anyone who can predict what will happen in the next week of British politics. Answers on a postcard … no time wasters!

KY15 7BU tel: 01337 857163 Covenanter

///haggling.cycled.vesting

ps Many thanks to our Canada correspondents who sent us this photo of a Falkirk K6 outside the Mad Hatter pub in Orangeville, Ontario.

///count.zoomed.violist

Ordinary, Scones

The Canny Soul

25 September 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

All hail Lady Hale. She has shown our Prime Minister to be an absolute bounder. Some think her large spider brooch, was worn to illustrate what a tangled web we weave, however, she has unwittingly launched a whole new fashion movement. Who’d have thought they would have sold 5000 t-shirts sporting her brooch design within hours of it appearing?

Quite a month

Anyway, September has been quite a month for the UK. The Queen has been found to have meddled in the Scottish independence referendum of 2014. Much has been made in the press of the Palace’s disquiet at this being made public by David Cameron. Not a mention, however, of the disquiet of the people of Scotland who have known the Queen was set up for the past five years.

Dysfunctional

Now she’s embroiled in BoJo’s deceit over the prorogation of Parliament. Bad enough having a dysfunctional family to deal with, now she has a load of dysfunctional politicians as well. Who would be a Royal?

The lesson we have taken from the Supreme Court’s ruling is that doing things unlawfully is okay. Pat and I have decided to start mugging people in an effort to enhance our meagre pensions. Yes, we know it’s unlawful but what the hell? If it’s good enough for Boris, surely it’s good enough for us too. St Andrews seemed like a good place to start. Lots of wealthy folk and stacks of American tourists. Of course St Andrews is a university town (2nd best after Cambridge) so it’s brimming with students. We knew that there would be slim pickings mugging them … too poor and too fit. It would be the easiest thing in the world for them to run away from us.

No, we really needed to find people with walking sticks, or zimmers, preferably. Spotting likely victims is harder than you might think, however. After a while we were tired and found ourselves standing outside the Canny Soul café. We ended up not mugging anyone or, indeed, doing anything unlawful and going for a scone instead. Is that a huge collective sigh of relief we can hear? However, had we been caught mugging someone we would simply have explained that we disagreed it was unlawful. It works for Boris!

Definition of a Canny Soul

It turns out there is more to this place than meets the eye because, on the face of it, it’s not much to look at. Apparently a “canny soul” is someone who is: “neither above you or below you but is always by your side”. It’s a kind of lifestyle choice.

Picture of Marilyn Munro at the Canny Soul café in St Andrews — Marilyn Munro

One that was borne out by the place itself. All the staff were very happy and obliging. We’re not sure if this picture, which was prominent in the café, is of a “canny soul” but if Boris can learn to simper like this then he will probably get away with even more than he’s getting away with at the moment.

Sucking up

Everything we had was fine, however, our scones did not quite cut it. They seemed a wee bit tasteless. No topscone but the friendly atmosphere in the Canny Soul more than made up for it. They were indeed, canny souls. During some banter when we were leaving I complimented the middle aged owner on his youthful energy. He looked at me and said “ you have aged like a bottle of fine wine, I have aged like a bottle of milk!” Ten out of ten for observation … and sucking up to customers! Perhaps Boris should do a bit more sucking up rather than simply blustering blindly towards a no deal Brexit. He might even consider becoming a canny soul … or have we taken that too far?

The government has had to spend £billions repatriating holiday makers after Thomas Cook’s collapse and now Trump is being impeached. The world has gone mad … or madder! We still had a very enjoyable time in St Andrews however.

KY16 9QW tel: 07712 423386 The Canny Soul TA

///liberated.rejoined.slept

Scones, Top

Pips

12 September 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

There’s an old saying, “giving someone the pip”. It derives from ‘the Pip’ which used to be a disease of chickens but, in modern day parlance, means to annoy or irritate. Now far be it from us to suggest that our Prime Minister was giving us the pip but we were really looking forward to the prorogation of Westminster so that we would not have to put up with him for a while. But then, all of a sudden, up pops a triumvirate of Scottish judges to say the prorogation was actually illegal. Boris had been telling porky pies to the Queen. Will he end up in the Tower? Will he keep his head? Watch this space. If you want news of the UK’s first beheading in a while just keep reading the scones. You will be the first to know. We’re pretty sure he would have simply talked to her in his usual blustering way and dear old HRH wouldn’t have had a clue what he was on about … just like the rest of us!

So, given that Scottish judgement, maybe Parliament hasn’t been prorogued after all …. arrrgghh!

Anyway, talking of pips, here we are in Callander, in Pips Coffee Shop. We had spent the morning helping my aunt, who lives here, celebrate her 95th birthday. Nothing too outrageous, just a cup of tea, a biscuit and lots of chat. It was great to see her in such good form.

Busy, busy!

After we left, rather than drive straight home we decided to get some lunch before we left town. The last time we tried Pips it was closed and we ended up in Applejacks. Today, however, it was open … and very busy. There seemed to be only one young girl clearing tables, serving everything and manning the cash desk. She was literally running the whole time but simultaneously managing to be polite and welcoming to everyone … amazing!

We had spotted the scones on our way in. They looked quite big so we decided to share one after our meal. Everything was great, however, our scone did not look that promising. Having reviewed almost 340 scones, in our expert opinion it looked pretty solid. Our expectations were correspondingly low. What do we know? It was rather wonderful. Not crunchy at all but instead had a taste and texture that was surprisingly nice. Expectations confounded yet again. By the time we had finished the café was inexplicably empty. Thankfully our young lady might get some respite. A topscone, so well done Pips.

Hard earned title snatched

When we asked who Pip was, no one seemed to know. They said it was lost in the mists of time. Is it too much to ask that Boris follow Pip. At least one person is happy … Theresa May! She has had her title as ‘worst Prime Minister ever’ immediately snatched from her. If nothing else, Bojo has achieved that!

Callander main street — Main Street, Callander

FK17 8BL tel: 01877 330470 Pips Coffee Shop TA

///engineers.union.equipping

ps There is a curious thing going on at the moment in our home town of Falkirk. A campaign has been mounted to save the last of the town’s K6 telephone boxes from removal. They were manufactured in Falkirk so form part of the town’s heritage. The Council, however, appears to have little interest.

We are once again indebted to our Trossachs correspondents who have sent pictures of this K6 in Portsmouth. Portsmouth’s Council obviously have much more in the way of imagination than Falkirk’s. They also sent this photo of a cannon at Gunwharf Quay in Portsmouth. Made at Carron Iron Works in 1810.

Ordinary, Scones

Buttercup Café – Doune

6 September 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Movies like Ivanhoe, Outlander, Game of Thrones, Monty Python and the Holy Grail have all been huge box office hits. But what else do you think they might have in common? Yes, okay, they were all filmed here in this tiny hamlet of Doune, or, to be more precise, at the medieval fortress of Doune Castle. However, perhaps the most important thing they have in common is that, in spite of them all being totally unrealistic flights of fancy, they are all sooo much more believable than the current actuality of British politics. The situation has descended to such a level that watching ‘Westminster live’ has become compulsive viewing. Coronation Street has had to take a back seat as the masses switch to watching politicians conniving, lying through their teeth and stabbing each other in the back over Brexit. Some have even taken to stabbing each other in the front! Scriptwriters could not make this stuff up … it’s beyond imagination!

Doune on a wet day — Downtown Doune in the rain

Witches and MPs

This preamble, some might say ramble, is simply to say we are in Doune in the Buttercup Café, just a couple of hundred yards away from the castle. The last time we were in a Buttercup Café it was over a year ago in North Berwick. Back then we reported on how the town tortured and burned witches alive if they failed to conform. Looking at how the Tory party is dealing with its own MPs it seems that little has changed over the centuries.

We had just spent a strenuous few hours rummaging at the local Antique Centre on the outskirts of the village. As is usual when we visit such places, we bought quite a few items we didn’t need. In spite of knowing we didn’t need them, we bought them anyway. Such is the influence of antique shops over weak willed souls like ourselves. So, when we arrived at the Buttercup we were in severe need of respite and sustenance.

Lovely lunch

Some lunch was called for. The ladies here were super attentive and soon had us sorted with everything we needed, including a fruit scone for afters. Everything we had was super good and we were very much looking forward to our scone. Unfortunately it didn’t quite hit the mark. Enjoyable enough but a little bit dry and flowery for our taste. No topscone this time but a great wee café run by lovely people. We thoroughly recommend it.

Only one thing is sure

Now that Jo Johnson has decided to remove himself from the mess that masquerades as British politics we think he has shown an admirable and excellent example to his brother. Don’t hold your breath though. Somehow Boris gives the impression that it is all, what they would have called at Eton, ‘a jolly jape’. Only one thing seems to be sure. No matter what happens Boris will be just fine and laughing all the way to the bank.

FK16 6BJ tel: 01786 842511 Buttercup Café Doune FB

///crown.drummers.swooned

Scones, Top

Airth Castle Hotel

1 September 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

We had actually been invited to Airth Castle Hotel. Who on earth would invite a couple of sad sconeys to a place like this we hear you ask? A.R.D. Consultancy Ltd is the answer. They are lovely people. We charge them with ensuring that we continue to live the indulgent hedonistic lifestyle to which we have become so very very accustomed. So far they have done pretty well. At least, as you all know, we can still afford the odd scone here and there. It just so happens that this is A.R.D.’s twentieth year in existence, hence the invite to help them celebrate this significant milestone.

Understanding

Although Airth Castle Hotel is only a ten minute drive from where we live we decided to stay overnight … just because! In order to make full use of our stay we arrived mid afternoon and after settling into our room we went exploring in search of a scone. Nothing is straight forward here! Initially we phoned up to reserve a room but were told that we couldn’t do that because the staff that do reservations had gone home?? We had to resort to the internet and Booking.com. It was a similar story with our scones. Having asked for tea and scones we were seated and then given a menu … what’s not to understand about a request for tea and scones? We settled on a cream tea.

What’s a cream tea?

Pat’s tea and my coffee arrived very promptly and then we waited for the scones, and we waited, and we waited … and we waited. About twenty minutes later, when we were just about to have our scones prorogued (it’s our new word) they arrived. They arrived complete with a plate of fruit kebabs (bits of fruit skewered on a stick) and a couple of glasses full of a pink yogurt like substance. When we asked what it was, our waitress said “Oh, is that not part of a cream tea?” and then, with a look of bewilderment “I’ve no idea what a cream tea is” … ehh? She took the kebabs away “to check” and we never saw her or them again.

Dilemma

By this time, as you can probably imagine, we were less than impressed. Dutifully, however, we set about our scones with as much enthusiasm as we could muster. In our heads these scones were already consigned to oblivion but, damn it, they were absolutely delicious. Warm and wonderfully crunchy on the outside and super soft on the inside. We had had to wait so long that my coffee had gone cold. When fresh stuff arrived, however, we thoroughly enjoyed everything we had. To begin with we thought that, given everything that had gone wrong, it would be impossible to award a topscone. Then, however, we decided that life was too short and awarded one anyway. Well done Airth Castle Hotel but please please get the rest of your act together.

Fat rascals

No, nothing to do with Boris and his millionaire buddies. After our scones we had to go back to our room and get ourselves dolled up for the evening’s festivities. And what and evening it was! Much fun was had by all. A.R.D.’s Yorkshire roots were on display. Everyone was given a goodie bag containing a teabag of Yorkshire tea, a chocolate guinea from Betty’s Yorkshire tearoom and a scone. No ordinary scone mind you … a fat rascal! Now the A.R.D. management were adamant that it was not a scone. They are aware of our dalliance with scones but maintained that this was a perfectly unique Yorkshire delicacy and totally unrelated to a scone. When we looked at Betty’s website, however, we found that it was indeed a scone, albeit a Yorkshire one … at least a distant cousin. Typically perhaps, they just do things differently down in England’s nether regions.

336 scones and still learning

A fat rascal has a cheeky smiling face made out of almonds and glacé cherries. It also contains citrus peel and juicy currants. Betty recommends that they be eaten warmed and buttered and that’s exactly how we had them the following day. They were markedly sweeter than a ‘normal’ scone but absolutely delicious … lots of buttery fruitiness. With a lot of scones under our belts … literally, and thinking there wasn’t much to add to our sconological knowledge base, along comes a fat rascal! Brilliant!

Is there something slightly disconcerting about giving someone all your money and in return they give you a chocolate guinea and a fat rascal? That grinning face? Should we be worried? Many thanks to A.R.D. for a great night and for expanding our wealth, sconologically at least .

FK2 8JF tel: 01324 831411 Airth Castle & Spa

///scorched.willpower.rolled

ps We are indebted to Duncan Comrie. He has launched a campaign to save the last five K6 telephone boxes from BT’s removal programme in Falkirk. He produced this photograph of a K6 in Stenhousemuir which is obviously in need of some TLC as a typical example. It was manufactured in Falkirk and is representative of Falkirk’s industrial heritage. Ways of preserving them, including a heritage trail are actively being pursued. Anyone interested in supporting his efforts can attend a meeting on 2nd Sept in Bainsford Community Centre at 7pm. Fingers crossed he meets with success.

Scones, Top

Japanese Gardens at Cowden

27 August 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 2 Comments

This has definitely not been Prince Andrew’s week. He has won the “Most Useless Royal” accolade, admittedly against some very stiff competition. Presumably he also thinks he has thrown the media off the scent over his association with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. Good luck with that one! So desperate is he to regain some sort of respectability he is even thinking of getting back together with his ex-wife, Sarah. Alternatively he may just have to disappear for a while, but don’t worry, we have plenty more Royals lined up to take his title.

Gardens

Enough of that distasteful stuff! Such is the preponderance of Japanese gardens in central Scotland we have had to call this one the ‘Japanese Gardens at Cowden’ to differentiate them from the ‘Japanese Gardens at Dalziel House’. Who would have thought it? Both are just a short drive from where we live yet, until today, we had never been to either of them.

Oriental influences

We had spent the previous day chatting with a friend who lives in Tokyo and had our heads filled with everything Japanese. Hence today, feeling suitably inspired we set off for Cowden where we knew there was a Japanese garden. What’s one Japanese garden doing in the heart of Scotland you may well ask, never mind two? Well, this one is all down to one of these redoubtable Victorian ladies, Isabella ‘Ella’ Christie. She was born into money but she was remarkable because instead of sitting quietly doing embroidery, like many of her contemporaries, she traveled the world on her own. Particularly to countries like India, Tibet and Borneo. It was a visit to Japan, however, that sparked a fascination with their gardens and when she returned to Scotland she set about creating one here at Cowden Castle, her ancestral home, long since demolished.

Apparently when she was aged fifty and waiting for a train at the local station she was asked if she was traveling to Edinburgh … “no, Samarkand” was the reply. Gives you a sense of her indomitable spirit. To create the garden she even imported Japanese gardeners to help her with the task. Together they created a fabulous garden centered around a wee loch in the castle grounds. Sadly after Ella’s death in 1949 the garden suffered from neglect. Happily, it is now restored thanks to a charitable Trust. You can get an idea of the work that has been done in this little video.

Of course, we also knew that there was a tearoom at the gardens … as if an added incentive was necessary? Surprised though to find that the building housing the tearoom was nothing more than a rather utilitarian looking portakabin. Neverthel less, it served its purpose and we suspect that this is only a temporary arrangement until the charity that runs everything gets enough money to build something a bit more substantial. All the inside seats were taken so we had no choice but to sit outside. On a day like to today that’s what we would have chosen to do anyway.

Exciting!

We were served by a lovely elderly lady who began by apologising profusely for her lack of expertise. This was her first day doing this sort of work. Exciting for her and for us. We needn’t have worried though she soon had us sorted with some lunch and a fruit scone to share. The scone came with a little pot of jam and loads of whipped cream. For some reason we did not have high expectations and were pleasantly confounded when it turned out to be excellent. Topscone without a doubt!

The entrance to the Japanese Garden at Cowden — entrance to the gardens

One of Ella’s favourite haunts was Kashmir and we wonder what she would have made of the current disastrous situation there. In fact, what would she make of anything that is going on these days? Burning rain forests, Brexit, Trump, Johnson and Miley Cyrus‘ new tattoo? We are sure she would have found it all terribly tiresome. Ella called her Japanese Garden at Cowden ‘The Place of Pleasure and Delight’ … boy, do we need more places like that these days.

FK14 7PL tel: 07570 614763 Japanese Garden

///racing.films.afterglow

ps Our Kiwi correspondents have kindly sent a picture of some scones they thought were particularly good. They got them and some apple cake while dropping off some bulk fertiliser to friends in Whangarei just north of Aukland … don’t ask!They look absolutely delicious. Unfortunately, however, for readers, they are unavailable to the common people. Unless, of course, you happen to know Mary, their friend?

Ordinary, Scones

Fortingall Hotel

16 August 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Who would have thought it? A wee boy born here in the pretty little Perthshire village of Fortingall would eventually end up as Governor of Judea and condemning Jesus Christ to death. Extraordinary really. Anyway according to legend Pontius Pilate was born here. His mum and dad must have been on holiday. If, like Boris Johnson, you believe that then you will probably also believe that everything will be hunky dory after Brexit. Isn’t Brexit fantastic, never have Britain’s knickers been so twisted. It kind of defies comment!

What a difference a week makes!

Highland picture by Joe Adam at Fortingall Hotel — in reception, a typical highland scene by Joseph Adam

We’re here for the Fortingall Art Festival which, as it turns out, was last week. Wires crossed, knickers twisted, whatever, we missed it. To be fair, it was in no way a disaster. Driving down Glen Lyon must figure as one of the best drives in the world. And on a beautiful day like today, even more so. What do you do when you’ve arrived a week late for an arts festival? Look for a scone, of course!

A few years back we actually stayed in Fortingall Hotel. That must have been in pre scone blog days, however, when we actually had a life. It was nice to be back though and as soon as we walked in it all looked very familiar. It has that slightly lived-in look of an old Scottish shooting lodge … homely and comfortable. The staff all seemed to be from Poland but, as is their way, were super helpful and friendly. We could have sat in the lounge, the library or the bar. We chose the lounge and very soon we had our lovely warm scones in a beautiful silver basket complete with lashings of jam and cream. What more could you ask for? Well, we would have liked our scones to have been a little bit better. They were okay but definitely not topscones. Everything else was perfect, however, so we thoroughly enjoyed our time here.

Dull and Boring

When we left Fortingall we carried on down Glen Lyon towards Aberfeldy. Soon we came to the village of Dull which, as you can see from the signpost, is twinned with Boring in Oregon. We discovered that it’s possible to get a scone in Dull at Highland Safaris but we will have to leave that for another day. How exciting is that …. a Dull scone!

PH15 2NQ tel: 01887 830367 Fortingall

///whites.sitting.presenter

ps This K6 was right next to the hotel and it was in good working order … as you would expect from one made in Falkirk. Fortingall is a site of great antiquity … even the vegetation is ancient. The famous Fortingall yew tree to the right of the picture, at 5000 t0 9000 years old, claims to be the oldest living thing in Europe. although I sometimes make the same claim when getting out of bed in the morning. If the tree is indeed something like 5000 years old, then having witnessed bronze age man, Roman invasions, the Vikings and two World Wars we guess it could be forgiven for viewing the kerfuffle over Brexit with a slightly jaundiced eye. Wonder what it will see in another thousand years?

Useful link: things to do in Aberfeldy

Ordinary, Scones

Battle of Bannockburn

14 August 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

This Post May Contain Rants. We thought we should make that clear at the start for people of a sensitive disposition.

Purely by some fluke of circumstance we have ended up here at the Battle of Bannockburn Visitor Centre. We’ve been here at the site of the battle many times before but never bothered to go into the visitor centre. Today was different, however, it was pouring with rain. It was so heavy that we couldn’t get a decent photo of the outside of the building. It’s pretty ugly, however, so you’re not missing much. That could be the first rant. Why has such an iconic site got an ugly grey box for a visitor centre?

The second is about the signage. The Battle of … What? It has been so over designed it is barely decipherable. Considering that most folk coming here are foreigners this seems to add an unnecessary level of complexity to their understanding of what went on here. We see it all over the place. It’s the triumph of academia over common sense.

Borders

Of course the Centre celebrates the Battle of Bannockburn in 1314 between England and Scotland. It does beg the question of why there was an English army just outside Stirling in the first place. Okay, okay, Scotland has never been the easiest of neighbours … we’re a bit rough! Our national flower is not the jaggy thistle for nothing. Our bagpipes have not been declared a ‘weapon of war’ for nothing. Even wearing tartan has been seen as provocative … but still! We think that after Brexit, when an independent Scotland has rejoined the EU, instead of a wall along the border, we should have a leylandii hedge and then England can fight with us over what height it should be. It would help maintain a long tradition between difficult neighbours.

Robert the Bruce’s victory, of course, led to the Declaration of Arbroath which set Scotland up as a proud self respecting and independent country. Most importantly it declared that the independence of Scotland was the sole prerogative of the people of Scotland. A few centuries later, however, it all went pear shaped. A “parcel of rogues” in the form of a handful of Scottish aristocrats sold Scotland down the river in exchange for English gold. Scotland became the only country in the world to be ruled by another … as it still is today. Thankfully this sorry state of affairs is about to come to an end when, hopefully, within the not too distant future, the people will reassert their right to self determination and Scotland will be independent again … FREEDOM! Apologies, got a little bit carried away there.

Footnotes

This ranting about independence is all well and good but what about the important stuff … the scones, did they have scones.? Yes they did! It’s a little known fact but a footnote in the small print of the Declaration of Arbroath (as a small concession to the defeated English) states “if ever there be a visitor centre established at Bannockburn it must sell little packs of English butter from Wiltshire with the scones” And so it came to pass! There was no cream but our fruit scones came with said butter as well as jam that you dolloped on your plate from a large bowl at the servery.

A scone at the Battle of Bannockburn Visitor Centre — spot the fruit

It reminded us of how many cafés in Norway serve jam with their fabulous boller. Unfortunately these scones were very disappointing. They just did not taste right … as if something was missing. The fruit was certainly missing.

Kitsch

Scotland badge at the Battle of Bannockburn Visitor Centre — scottish tat

Something is missing from this Visitor Centre as well. Hard to put your finger on it but it could easily be much much better. They have the usual assemblage of tartan tat as well as a large display of Hollywood kitsch in the form of plastic props from the Outlaw King film … what’s that all about? That was the last rant. Don’t get us started on Boris. Just remember that although he doesn’t have a clue where he is taking the UK, it will all be great! Smile be upbeat, that will do the trick. Last rant … promise

FK7 0LJ tel: 01786 812664 Bannockburn

///item.wing.slope

The Pedant has just sent this picture of a brace of K6s at Knightsbridge Green in London. Both from the Lion foundry in Kirkintilloch and one of which is still fully functional. Many thanks.

Scones, topweird

Canada Wood revisited

9 August 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 2 Comments

As our government prepares to invoke martial law in the event of riots after a no deal Brexit, we felt the need to stop banging our heads off the wall and go out in search of solace … and a scone! It seems almost unbelievable that it was more than four years ago that we first reported on Canada Wood Kitchen and Bar. That means that we have been writing this nonsense for at least that amount of time. Yes, we really should get a life! And the sooner the better we hear you cry!

Back then Canada Wood was a brand spanking new venture. Everyone, including us, wondered if it could be successful in such an isolated spot – out of town and kind of “in the middle of nowhere”. We needn’t have worried. It has thrived, due in no small part to the fact that Falkirk has been voted “Britain’s Best Walking Neighbourhood”. Canada Wood is on the town’s vast path network and therefore does well from walkers and cyclists. Also motorists have now realised that a high quality restaurant exists just a short drive from the town. It has great food and there is plenty of parking so it is hardly surprising that it has also become one of our regular haunts. It’s progress has not been entirely straight forward, however, and just a few months ago it came under new management.

Tip off

Back in 2015 we were impressed by the place but felt the scones left a lot to be desired. They were not made on the premises and they were gigantic. Each scone could easily have fed three people! Recently, however, we got had a tip-off that the new management were baking everything on site. Investigation was required.

The staff, as always, were friendly and welcoming and soon had us supplied with some lunch and a scone to share … a ginger scone no less. Everything was first class. If there was a criticism it was that the jam was Tiptree, from Essex. Nothing whatsoever wrong with this jam however it would have been nice to have something a bit more local. This was our first ginger scone and it was delicious. Always difficult to know what to have with such an item, however, we went for the full monty … jam and cream! It was great. The ginger flavour was quite fulsome and the texture was lovely. We decided on a topweird. Well done Canada Wood … if only the Labour party could sort out its problems as well!

Right hand, left hand?

When it comes to the issue of Scottish Independence, the Labour party has covered itself in glory yet again. They have announced that as far as they are concerned all the Scottish Parliament has to do is ask the ‘English’ Parliament for permission for another referendum? What is that all about? Then they threaten that if Scotland were ever to leave the Union, Nessie would also leave and take up residence in the Lake District. We suspect that this second assertion is probably untrue because none of the puddles in England are any where near big enough for Nessie. You are asked to contact the Labour party as and when they have the slightest inkling of what they are doing. Don’t hold your breath.

FK1 3AZ tel: 01324 610026 Canada Wood Kitchen

///bandage.otter.forge

ps Perhaps K6 telephone box officiandos should look away now. This may be too much for their sensitive souls to bear. It was sent to us by our Friockeim correspondents who just happened to be in Gretna Green. Where else would you find a pink K6 decorated like this?These Friockeim folks also paint rocks and then hide them?? They do that in the hope that someone will find them, preferably a child, record it and then rehide them. Don’t ask! Apparently it’s regarded as normal behaviour in beautiful Angus. After all it’s no weirder than the antics of the Labour party. You can catch them on Facebook.

Mant thanks to them for passing this on, we look forward to many more from the Angus glens.

Scones, topweird

Café des Fleurs

31 July 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Well, well, well! In the miniscule amount of time since our previous post at Mill House, Monzie we have chucked one Prime Minister on the scrap heap and replaced her with another … wow, such efficiency! It has to be said that the UK has a brilliant system whereby a mere handful of over-privileged, geriatric, tax dodging idiots are allowed to appoint the leader of the country. It’s amazing really but not unique … Russia and China have similar arrangements. Anyway the Trump clone that is Boris Johnston has so far refused to meet anyone in the EU … gosh, isn’t he a tough cookie? However, on Monday he did meet with Nicola Sturgeon at Bute House in Edinburgh. You shouldn’t read too much into the fact that he had to leave by the back door … no, you shouldn’t, really you shouldn’t!

Day trip

Anyway, gripped as we were by Boris’s promise of a gazillion £s for Falkirk, today, to temper our excitement, we decided to get out of town and go for a drive along the Hillfoots. Turned out that our target scone cafe was closed so we had to carry on into the pretty little town of Dollar. It’s the sort of town that probably harbours some of the idiots who voted for our new leader. Though to be fair, these idiots were being asked to choose between two other idiots … tricky! But never mind all that, here we found the delightful Café des Fleurs, They only had a couple of outside tables, all taken, however it was no hardship and a bit cooler to sit inside.

Cream disasters

They advertise their scones as being ‘famous’ so obviously we had to determine whether this claim was justified or not. They had plain, fruit or blueberry and white chocolate scones. Pat had fruit and, of course, I had to try the blueberry and white chocolate. Service was very friendly and efficient so it wasn’t long before we were all kitted out. Sacre bleu, mon dieu, it’s Rodda’s Cornish Cream again. I know we go on about it but why oh why do they do that when much better stuff is available locally? All in all we enjoyed Café des Fleurs. Pat thought her scone wasn’t quite top but mine, apart from the cream was excellent … topweirdscone. As for them being ‘famous’, well I guess they are a bit more now.

Queenie and Bojo

The cafe was nicely decorated with a kind of shabby-chic look. One of the pictures was a bit puzzling though. “Queenie says: coffee – the favourite drink of the civilised” followed by “Give us a kiss”. We could argue that it’s tea that’s the favourite of the civilised however maybe that would be splitting hairs. If Queenie wants a kiss, however, she is going to have to wait a while … a long while! Bojo on the other hand would gladly give her a kiss, so desperate is he to please anyone he meets. You do wonder if the UK would ever have found itself in this ludicrous situation over Brexit and now with an equally ludicrous PM if we had had an opposition party worthy of the name. One can only wonder!

FK14 7DE tel: 01259 743699 Cafe des Fleurs

///named.serious.shakes

ps Our intrepid Trossachs correspondents have just sent us photos of some telephone boxes up north. The first picture is of a fine array of K6s at Fort George, just east of Inverness. Bojo may be promising lots of money for Falkirk however it looks like Fort George will have more K6s than our home town. Falkirk is undergoing a programme of K6 removals, even though many were actually made there. First M&S deserted the town now our telephone boxes are going as well. What next? On the upside, if the money promised to the town ever appears, we will doubtless have Kelpies and Wheels all over the place.

The second K6 is from the Saracen foundry in Glasgow. It was at the Highland Folk Museum in Newtonmore. It even had the old mechanism with the A and B buttons. More than that it had a long set on instructions on how to make a telephone call. Also an advert for a brand new way to send greetings oversees … the new ‘De Luxe’ Telegram Service…. nostalgia!

Many thanks once again to our correspondents.

What’s in a name?

Anyone for …?

Free scone

Quite a month

Dysfunctional

Definition of a Canny Soul

Sucking up

Busy, busy!

Hard earned title snatched

Witches and MPs

Lovely lunch

Only one thing is sure

Understanding

What’s a cream tea?

Dilemma

Fat rascals

336 scones and still learning

Gardens

Oriental influences

Exciting!

What a difference a week makes!

Dull and Boring

Borders

Footnotes

Kitsch

Tip off

Right hand, left hand?

Day trip

Cream disasters

Queenie and Bojo

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics