The Rose Café

2 December 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

We used to live in Edinburgh and were well acquainted with its varied nightlife. It was a surprise, therefore, to discover that there was a theatre on Rose Street. We had never heard of it. Upon investigation it became clear that when we lived here it wasn’t a theatre at all, it was the Charlotte Baptist Chapel. Not somewhere we would have frequented back then or, indeed, at any time. In 2012 the congregation gave it up in favour of a more suitable venue a short distance away. It wasn’t until Danish ballet dancer Peter Schaufuss bought it in 2017 that it became a theatre. It has several auditoriums, a studio, a rehearsal room and a café – the Rose Café.

We were in Edinburgh to see a movie called “Knives Out” at the Cameo Picturehouse. An excellent whodunit that Agatha Christie would have been proud of. Go see, if you get the chance.Since we were in town, however, we thought we should check out the Rose Café as well. It turns out that the basement of the theatre is actually run as a kind of Comedy Club for aspiring comedians. A local production company called Gilded Balloon is in charge of organising things and they promote dance and music events in other parts of the theatre throughout the year.

Black marks

The café is quite big with a variety of seating areas. Since it was quiet when we arrived we chose to luxuriate on some large comfortable sofas tucked away in a corner. We were fortunate though because soon it become very busy indeed. Fruit or plain scones were on offer so, after some excellent lunch, we opted for fruit. Mon dieu! When they arrived they were preloaded and you all know what we think about that sort of nonsense. It does save you all that cutting and spreading business but we still prefer to just do it ourselves. No cream either but apart from these black marks the scones themselves were good … not top but good.

The staff were very helpful and friendly and we enjoyed sitting reading all the promotional material about upcoming events. It was great to make ourselves familiar with a place that, up until today, we had no idea existed. We even booked up for an event next April!

We take our collective hats off to Danish ballet dancers. They seem to be willing to invest vast amounts of their own money in the Scottish arts scene. Indeed Peter Schaufuss has just bought yet another huge venue, St Stephen’s Church. It will become another performance venue in the city similar to this Rose theatre. There can’t be anything more uncertain than running a theatre where you are for ever at the mercy of a fickle public. In the run up to election day on December 12, it seems to be the other way round … the public at the mercy of fickle politicians. When nothing in modern politics can be taken at face value it is almost impossible to predict what might happen with any certainty.

Christmas at the Dome, Edinburgh — Christmas at the Dome in Edinburgh

Incomprehensible

Given that there is little in the way of a credible opposition, there is only one absolute certainty. Scotland will, yet again, end up being governed by a party for which it has never ever voted. Unbelievably, some Scottish people have so little faith in their own country and countrymen, they are willing to vote for far right extremists like the current Conservatives. All to ensure that Scotland maintains it’s status as the only country in the world governed by another, different country. Totally inexplicable … thank goodness for ballet dancers!

EH2 4AZ tel: 0131 226 4000 Rose Theatre Café

///upset.client.popped

ps We have mentioned in the past that our local town, Falkirk, was in danger of losing all its K6 telephone boxes. That was in spite of them all being manufactured right here. A group of ‘the concerned’ (Falkirk Made Friends) has at last managed to persuade the Council to adopt three thus saving them from immediate removal. A small but significant step. We will keep you posted.

Falkirk Made Friends is a small campaigning organisation (non violent) celebrating Falkirk’s rich manufacturing heritage.

Ordinary, Scones

Lochside Café

26 November 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

In our last post we were wandering round the loch at Beecraigs. Today we are wandering around Linlithgow loch. Now, we are aware that this may give the totally false impression that we spend our lives wandering around lochs. You will just have to take our word for it but we do wander around other things as well. That said, it is quite often lochs. They are lovely walks and we are fortunate to have them so close to home. So why not?

Novembert view of Linlithgow Palace — A late November view of Linlithgow Palace

Today it is cold and overcast, it’s late November after all! However, that doesn’t make the walk unpleasant. Quite the contrary, it’s bracing! Linlithgow has loads of pubs and cafés so one of the added attractions of this walk is the knowledge that you can always find somewhere for après-promenade refreshments. We’ve reported on many of these in the past – So Strawberry, Mason Belles, Fenwicks, the Star & Garter and more. This time it was a bit different. We finished our walk at the west end of the town near the Black Bitch pub (if you want know why it’s called the Black Bitch look at our post on Brodies Vintage Tearoom) instead of the east end. Making our way back into town we came across the, previously unknown to us, Lochside Café.

Daring-do

It’s not a place that jumps out at you … nothing to look at from the outside that’s for sure! Inside though, it’s pleasant enough though nothing much to distinguish it from many other small cafés. Service was friendly though not what we would call ‘happy’. Lunch was good and there was a choice of plain, fruit or lemon and white chocolate scones. Our dedication to reporting on the more exotic scone failed us on this occasion as we opted for, run of the mill, fruit. We must have lost our sense of daring-do somewhere down by the loch! And, of course, we shouldn’t allow our readers, with their insatiable appetite for exotic scones, to dictate our decisions. So there! As it happens the fruit scones were a bit like the whole place, unremarkable! We enjoyed it and there was plenty of jam and cream but no topscone unfortunately. Don’t let the external appearance of this place put you off. As cafés go it’s not at all bad.

Dictating

At the moment, the goings on in Hong Kong are fascinating. As our General Election rumbles on in a thoroughly unedifying fashion the young people of Hong Kong are risking everything so they can have what we take for granted. A skeptic might think that, if they look closely at what we have, they might think again. We feel, however, that what they achieved yesterday, when the results of their District Council elections were announced, should remind us of how precious our democracy really is. Even if we sometimes look on it with a very jaundiced eye. Hong Kong has no democracy. It is dictated to by a much larger single party state in China. Scotland knows exactly how Hong Kong feels. The only difference is … we have democracy!

Today, the UN is calling for drastic cuts in greenhouse gases but how is the UK supposed to conform? Most of the offending emissions emanate directly from our very own Prime Minister?

EH49 7HN tel: 01506 848599 Lochside FB

///putts.shared.household

Ordinary, Scones, weird

Hideaway Cafe at Beecraigs

22 November 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

There has been a lot of migration from central and eastern Europe. Thousands of people coming to the UK in what seems to be an totally uncontrolled manner. You may think we are talking about relatively recent times but we’re not. We’re talking about 4,500 years ago. There was mass migration back then when thousands of what we now know as Beaker People moved west. They were called Beakers because they were always buried with their rather elegant bell-shaped clay drinking vessels. When they reached Scotland some of them settled around Cairnpapple Hill where there is still a very well preserved Beaker burial chamber. It is only a stones throw from where we are today at the Hideaway Café at Beecraigs Country Park.

Descendants

So, although folk go on endlessly about mass migrations into Britain, it is absolutely nothing new. In fact, when it comes down to it, hardly any of us are from here originally. We are all migrants in one form or another. Judging by our fondness for using drinking vessels, Pat and I may even be direct descendants of the Beaker people. At the end of the day, as they say here in Scotland – we’re a’ Jock Tamson’s Bairns.

Photo of Beecraigs loch in late November — Beecraigs loch

We had decided to take a walk round the loch at Beecraigs. It used to be regular occurrence when the kids were small but we haven’t been back for many years. The loch is actually a reservoir built by German Prisoners of War during WW1. Apparently the German work ethic was nothing like it is nowadays. Work progressed at a snail’s pace until it had to be finished off in 1918 by conscientious objectors. It’s a beautiful walk, however, and it was really nice to relive memories from the past. The walk seemed much shorter than we recalled. Then we remembered, this time we weren’t trying to herd feral children. We didn’t have to stop and investigate every stick and toadstool along the way.

View from Beecraigs Country Park — View from Beecraigs with the Forth bridges in the distance

One of these children actually got married here several years ago and, with its expansive views, it provided a wonderful setting. No weddings today though, it has all changed. The space previously used for weddings is now filled with displays for the visitor centre explaining the local flora and fauna. However, now they have the Hideaway Café … and scones!

Buzzing

The only problem was that the Hideaway was not living up to its name. It had been found and was so busy we couldn’t get in. However, they gave us a pager and told us to go off and wander around the exhibits and when a table became available they would buzz us … brilliant. It worked! Within ten minutes we had our table and were able to order some lunch and a banana and white chocolate scone to share. They had plain and fruit scones however we always feel that we should report on the exotica we come across so that readers can continue to expand their knowledge base.

Everything was good, the service was happy and efficient, the food was fine and even the scone was pleasant enough. No topscone unfortunately. Don’t be put off by banana and white chocolate scones … but don’t deliberately seek them out either. Fruit or plain is a better bet.

Flashbacks

Memories are funny things. We have many happy memories of this place. Our family wedding event was superb but it is difficult to imagine it happening now that the venue has undergone so many changes. Yet we still got little flashbacks of that day as we looked around. Memories can play tricks! Apparently the Queen is claiming that the Duke of York is her son however he has no recollection of ever having met her. Boris doesn’t remember ever telling a lie for goodness sake! That’s how tricky it can get!

EH49 6PL tel: 01506 847111 Hideaway Beecraigs

///corrects.blushed.photocopy

Scones, topweird

Dalgetty’s Tearoom

19 November 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Today we are in the Scottish Borders. Back in the 14th century this was definitely Thomas the Rhymer country. His reputation as a poet and prophet still features large in these parts because many of his predictions actually did came true. But more of him later.

First, let us ask this question, “Which Scottish town do you think has the most tarts?” We’re not talking ladies of dubious morals or anything like that we are talking tart tarts … proper tarts.

We don’t have a definitive answer, however, we feel that Melrose must be in the running. It has it’s very own Melrose Tart. A confection of pastry filled with honey, ginger and brown sugar topped off with yellow and black icing as a homage to the colours of the local rugby team. Not only that, the baker who makes the Melrose Tart also makes a sponge of coconut and almonds … the famous Border Tart. You can only get them in Melrose. That’s quite a few tarts for a wee town!

A man of parts

The town is famous for more than tarts though. It has its own very grand but ruined Cistercian Abbey founded in 1136. It does in fact get its name from the time the Abbey was built. Mell, after the stonemasone’s hammer and rose after the Virgin Mary to whom all Cistercians were dedicated. Robert the Bruce’s heart is also buried within the Abbey. The rest of him is buried in Dunfermline and Dumbarton … he was a man of many parts!Anyway, we weren’t here for tarts but for scones of course. And where better than a wee visit to the award winning bakery responsible for all these tarts – Dalgetty’s Tearoom.

Bran?

The tearoom is actually just a small addition to the bakery itself. Unfortunately, we were given Hobson’s Choice when it came to scones. They had had a serious run on scones earlier in the day and only had two left, one cheese and the other bran. Bran scones? We all need our fair share of bran but putting it in scones is maybe a step too far?

A scone at Dalgetty's Tearoom in Melrose — Pat’s cheese scone

Pat opted for the cheese one and, of course, that left me with the bran. It certainly looked interesting, if a bit unscone like. Sometimes when expectations aren’t high you are pleasantly surprised and so it was in this instance. Not crusty at all but wonderfully soft with a distinctive texture throughout. I had expected a bran scone to be much more solid and heavy but this one was very light. Loads of jam and cream as well, so overall, although not a topscone, it was very enjoyable. Pat’s cheese scone was nice as well with a good dollop of melted cheese on top. It was a pity we weren’t able to sample their more ‘normal’ scones. Dalgetty’s Tearoom is pretty obviously a place that takes great pride in everything it does so we are sure they would have been excellent … and probably top.

No lies

Returning to Thomas the Rhymer. His real name was Thomas of Ercildoune and one day while out on the E ildon Hill, just south of the town, he met the queen of Elfland. He fell under her spell and went with her into the the hollow hill to the fairy underworld. There, certain gifts were bestowed upon him. When he returned to the mortal world he had not only acquired immortality and could foretell the future but he was also completely unable to tell a lie. Thenceforth he was also known as True Thomas.

His immortality means that he is still alive and well and living in the area. It does make you wonder, however, with his inability to tell lies, what he does for a living? Obviously modern day politics is completely out of the question. Becoming a stand-in Duke of York would also be extremely tricky.One of Thomas the Rhymer’s predictions was that one day Scotland would rule the whole of Britain. Scoff if you like but these days you just never know. Remember he couldn’t tell a lie!

TD1 1NZ tel: 01896 752508 Dalgetty’s

///guesswork.polices.adjuster

Scones, Top

Singl-end Café & Bakehouse

13 November 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 4 Comments

Duke of Wellington statue at Singl-end Café, Glasgow — Glasgow Council, after years of removing the traffic cone from the Duke of Wellington’s statue only for it to reappear the next day eventually gave up. Now a major tourist attraction and emblazoned on memorabilia like this tea towel

For those not familiar with Scottish vernacular, or, to be more precise, Glasgow vernacular, a “singl-end,” or single-end was the name for a tiny tenement room into which large families were packed back in the good old days. Toilets were on the landings and could be shared with up to ten other families. This was a dreadful way of life which thankfully no longer exists. The term “singl-end”, however, is still sometimes used today to remember with misty eyed fondness those times. Times of close community when everyone knew everyone else and looked after each other. As a way of life the singl-end probably gave rise to Glasgow’s unique friendliness. A sense of humour was the minimum required to survive in such conditions and combined with a down to earth irreverence and an ability to laugh at themselves, Glasgow is like no other city.

Posh?

Pat, a proud Weegie, wasn’t brought up in a singl-end, rather a “room and kitchen”. Having a separate kitchen didn’t exactly make you posh but it was definitely one up from a singl-end!

When we came across the Singl-end Café & Bakehouse it just had to be done. And what a find! It’s in a basement so is virtually invisible from the street. Not that that is holding it back, when we arrived it was busy busy … and it’s nothing like a singl-end at all, it’s huge! It has what we would describe as a kind of hip feel about it so naturally, being pretty hip ourselves, we felt at home straight away. It’s veggie and vegan friendly without being at all shoutie about it … brill!

Creme de la creme

The staff were an absolute delight and they soon had us set up with some absolutely delicious lunch. The problem was that there was so much delicious lunch that we feared we might not manage the scones we had spotted earlier. Undeterred, however, we let our tummies settle down for a while then ordered our scones. When we asked for cream with our scones a funny thing happened. But first let us ask a question. “What cheese would you use to hide a horse?” Don’t think about it too long … it’s mascarpone, obviously! When we asked for cream our waitress said “It’s mascarpone cream” followed by “Its nice” when she saw our consternation. It’s veggie so it fits with their ethos. So the final order was a fruit scone for Pat and a blueberry and pistachio scone with blackcurrant jam and mascarpone cream for me. Life on the edge.

One very noticeable thing about this place is that the service is almost instantaneous. lightening quick! So, almost immediately, our scones were in front of us served up on wooden chopping boards. They were really good and the mascarpone cream was really good as well. We loved everything about Singl-end Café & Bakehouse. There is another Singl-end nearer the city centre but we wish they would venture out to the provinces and open one nearer us.

Mickey Mouse

Each table in Singl-end has a glass top and underneath the glass is an array of odd and totally unrelated items – postcards, bits of hand written letters, drawings and sketches … a really fascinating miscellany of stuff. At my seat a stamp from Grenada caught my eye. Can you ever see the UK issuing a stamp featuring Donald Duck? We can’t imagine anything ever inducing the ‘stiff upper lip’ British government to do such a thing. One featuring Mickey Mouse might be appropriate though considering the present state of our politics. The other Donald seems to be pulling all the strings in our upcoming election. Acting on The Donald’s instructions, Nigel Farage has suddenly gone from all principled and powerful back to his usual sniveling self.

Another question “What cheese would you use to coax a bear out of a tree?” The answer – camembert! We know, the jokes are even worse than the politics!

G3 6TT tel: 0141 353 1277 Singl-end Café and Bakehouse

///pans.slows.simply

ps It is with great sadness that we report the passing of one of our correspondents who hailed from Stenhousemuir … the SteniBrainFart. He contributed to several posts like Brians Café and The Loft. We named him thus because of his uncanny knack of instantly coming up with oodles of useless information on just about any subject under the sun. He was proud of the name and signed his emails with it. He will be greatly missed.

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Morrisons Café

31 October 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Back to reality. Our previous post from the Scotch Tea House on the French Riviera seems like a distant fond memory as now we are in a supermarket in Falkirk … Morrisons Café to be precise. A bit of a come down. There is a perfectly logical explanation however.

You may remember that last year when we were at the Scotsman Grand Café we had a mini five year old person with us. She kept us amused with her weird and wonderful observations through all the problems we were having just ordering a scone. This time, on our return from France, we picked her up in London and brought her and her wee sister back to Scotland with us. Of course, she is six now and and her sister is four. Oh joy! Between them they have enough energy to light up Blackpool!

Scary!

As it’s Halloween, we needed some appropriate costumes so that we could go guising and scare the living daylights out of our friends and neighbours. Hence we found ourselves here in Morrisons buying two spider witch outfits … really scary! The real horror of Halloween is, of course, that Brexit hasn’t happened and Boris Johnson hasn’t died in a ditch as he promised. Guess we can just add that to his ever lengthening string of broken promises. It really is all just a game for these guys!

Anyway, having got suitably kitted out we decided to go for a cuppa and some lunch in the café. It’s probably fairly typical of supermarket cafés though maybe slightly better than some others we have been in. What it lacks in ambience it makes up for with low prices and edible food. We were surprised to find scones so, of course, they had to be sampled. We shouldn’t really have preconceived ideas about places but suffice to say, we do. Expectations were not exactly soaring. They came with lots of butter and jam, however, cream was too much of an ask. The scones themselves were actually quite nice … nice texture, lots of fruit and only £1 each. Even at this price, however, a topscone was also too much of an ask.
This supermarket is built on a site once occupied by Brockville Park, the stadium of Falkirk FC. It’s biggest ever attendance was 23,100 in 1953 for a match against Celtic. In 2004 the football club moved to a new site on the outskirts of the town. For some, however, this is still hallowed ground. For others, of course, Morrisons seems like a much better use of the space.

Eating pancakes?

We know it’s Halloween but horror of horrors, we are going to have a General Election on 12th December … hurrah! Who knows what tall stories we will be told in the coming weeks. After years of austerity there will probably be more money than we can possibly imagine to spend on pretty much anything we want. Life will be good! Everything in the garden will be rosy. Doubtless, however, on December 13th that will all change. Boris will doubtless win but that will say more about the opposition than anything else.Meanwhile we have our own somewhat smaller horror show … we must go and scare the neighbours before returning to dook for apples and try to eat pancakes covered in treacle hanging from a string with our hands tied behind our backs. What? It’s just as senseless as having a General Election but way more fun.

FK2 7EU tel: 01324 639321 M orrisons

///insect.both.nasal

foreign, Ordinary, Scones

The Scotch Tea House

25 October 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

As you know from our previous post, Café 66, we have been following the swallows in their southerly migration. Unlike us, however, they probably managed to avoid French rail strikes. As they continued blithely onwards to South Africa we had to contend with the vagaries of continental travel.

A sign in the toilet at the Scotch Tea House in Nice, France — No jeter in the toilet

As the officials kept telling us, the strike was a ‘surprise’, only announced overnight so there was nothing much they could do The answer to most of our questions was a gallic style shrug of the shoulders. There were a few trains running but no one seemed to know which ones. The French seem to accept such things fairly philosophically. And, in any case, they are fortunate to have Macron to blame for everything.

To cut a long story short we eventually arrived at my sister’s place about five hours late. The swallows were probably in South Africa by then. Never mind, we received a welcome like no other so all our inconveniences were immediately forgotten.

The carpet in the Scotch Tea House in Nice, France — The Tea House carpet

To make matters worse it was raining. It was raining a lot … a monsoon. It was warmer rain than we get in Scotland, however. Six years since we were last in Nice so there was much catching up to do and new things to see. My sister was keen that we see the new tram system which was still under construction on our previous visit. Also the new Coulée Verte, a beautiful green corridor that runs through the centre of the town. It’s a place for people to walk and take their ease.

Of course, France like the rest of the EU, is pretty much a scone free zone. A bit of a desert to sconeys like us. There are may culinary things France is famous for but scones isn’t one of them. However as we wandered through the Coulée Verte what should we spy in the distance … the Scotch Tea House! Was it possible that a scone, a beacon of genteel civility, might exist in such a place?

We entered into a cool dark wood paneled interior that must have given many delicate Victorian ladies refuge from the midday sun. It didn’t look as if it had changed much in the intervening years. And, sacre bleu, they had scones! This was indeed unexpected. We had thought that we would be scone free until our return to the UK. Once we had chosen our tea from the tea menu it wasn’t long before our scones arrived … toasted? No one had asked if we wanted them toasted, that’s just the way they came.

A scone at the Scotch Tea House in Nice, France — Presumably all scones come ready toasted in France

In spite of there being lashings of cream in some of the cakes on display, there was none for scones, c’est la vie. There was a selection of jam and a little pack of French butter … just like you get in the UK!? The scones were different, not unpleasant – just different. They had a fairly dry even texture which may have been partly due to the toasting. We enjoyed them but thought they fell well short of a topscone. Good enough for a top ‘French scone’. though. Bravo, the Scotch Tea House, good attempt!

The menu in the Scotch Tea House in Nice, France — Specialités Anglaises’, a tad odd for a Scotch Tea House

One of the benefits of being here is that we are almost devoid of Brexit news. Suffice to say, the French are just as perplexed as the UK on the whole sorry fiasco. We may have to all learn the gallic shrug of the shoulders accompanied with a “Quels imbéciles!”

06000 Nice tel: +33 4 93 87 75 62 Scotch Tea House TA

///eternity.trout.shrimp

english, Scones, Uncategorized

Café 66

22 October 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

We are joining the swallows and migrating south. Not because we are fed up with Brexit (although you can’t get any more fed up than us) but to visit my sister in Nice. Before that, however, we have a stop over in the Big Smoke! As we have often found before, finding a scone in London can be surprisingly difficult. There are endless cafés of European, Asian or even US origin but traditional English tea rooms can be few and far between.

On this occasion it led us to ask the question …. when is a scone not a scone? The answer can be found here in Café 66 in London’s SW13. It is a relatively new kid on the block and certainly wasn’t here the last time we were in town. Of course, it had to be investigated. It is what we would call ‘bijou’ … small but perfectly formed. It is operated by a delightful mother and daughter team from Poland. They could not have made us more welcome.

A spot of lunch was called for, however, as you all know by now, we like to finish things off with a scone. “Do you have scones?” we asked. “What are you saying?” It wasn’t the Scottish accent it was simply that the young girl didn’t know. “Scones. they are like a little cakes that you eat with jam and cream.” we persevered. “Eh?” Thankfully at this point mum came to the rescue “Oh, I know what scones are – in this country you have them in the afternoon with tea.” “Yes”, we exclaimed. No, we don’t have any scones“.

Energy balls

With our hopes dashed on the jagged rocks of false expectation, we looked around and had to admit that there were lots of other delicious looking alternatives. In the absence of scones, however, we decided to go for one of their ‘Energy Balls’. They are small balls of nuts and fruit bound together with syrup and honey. Perhaps it was because they reminded us of the Lithuanian sco nes our Trossachs correspondents had sent from Vilnius back in 2016. They were really nice – lovely texture and sweet but not cloyingly so. We did feel like we had had an energy boost. So the answer to the question is that a scone is not a scone when it’s a Polish energy ball. No, we wouldn’t have got it right either.

As we were leaving we asked mum and daughter how they felt about only having about a week left before having to return to Poland. Their puzzled look quickly dissolved into laughter when they realised what we meant. However, it was quickly followed by looks of alarm and panic. “We are going to have to eat all this food very quickly” they joked, pointing at the display cases. Perhaps not, though.

Embarrasing

The first Saturday sitting of Westminster since the Falklands War, resulted in another defeat for Boris at the hands of his own colleagues. He followed it up with an unsigned letter to the EU asking for an extension. When politics is reduced to this school boy prank level it is embarrassing. Especially when you are in the presence of two ladies who are working incredibly hard to better themselves and better the country they now live in.

The true irony is that the UK’s future may eventually be decided by the DUP. A handful of self serving politicians from N. Ireland who don’t even represent the views of the people of N Ireland. It just gets weirder and weirder. Another energy ball please!

As we left Café 66, mum produced a Mary Berry cookbook, so who knows … next time there may be scones? Now we must continue our migration south.

SW13 0PZ tel: 020 8241 1590 Cafe66

///dash.belt.puns

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

The Kelpies Café

16 October 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

Today we find ourselves at the Kelpies Café. We are ashamed! People come from all over the world to see the Kelpies in Falkirk but, up until now, we have never been. Not strictly true because we have been here dropping people off and such like but this is the first time we have actually set out to visit. They were opened six years ago so it’s not as if we haven’t had time. You know how it is, however, when it’s on your doorstep you can always go tomorrow and sometimes tomorrow just never comes! So, after an uneventful five minute drive, on a glorious autumn day, we were here at last.

What actually is a kelpie we hear you ask? Well, it’s a Scottish shape shifting aquatic spirit that frequents lochs and rivers. Usually in the form of a beautiful horse. They are not really comparable to Nessie, except in that, like Nessie, they appear infrequently. Unbelievably, some people have gone through their entire lives without ever seeing either.

Handsome?

Almost exactly three years ago when we reported on the Venachar Lochside Café we recounted an incident where a kelpie from that particular loch would sometimes appear as a handsome young man and lure young women and children into the water. It would then drag them under and devour them. There’s a theory that Boris Johnson may actually be a kelpie trying to lure about sixty million people towards a similar frightful fate. The ‘handsome’ bit, however, throws serious doubt on this theory’s veracity.

Our Kelpies today, however, bear none of that malevolence. They merely celebrate the part the heavy horse has played in shaping the Falkirk area in years gone by – pulling coal barges, ploughs and wagons. They are situated at the east end of the Forth & Clyde canal where it joins the river Forth. You can only see their magnificent heads, the rest is under the water … obviously. They are spectacular and we can quite understand why people travel from far and near to see them.

However, after wandering around looking at all the boats and admiring the sculptures a scone soon beckoned. There are three cafés here. Our café of choice turned out to be the one imaginatively called ‘Café’. It’s part of the visitor centre and is fairly typical of such places. Self service but quite a wide range of food options available. We both plumped for a fruit scone. Our relatively low expectations, however, were completely confounded when they turned out to be rather nice.

A scone at the Kelpies in Falkirk — Spot the fruit

We might have awarded a topscone were it not for the fact that there was no cream (not even Roddas) and hardly any fruit. They might have been better billed as plain scones. Of course, then we would have complained that our plain scones had a bit of fruit in them. There’s just no pleasing some folk! Everything else was fine, however, so overall we enjoyed our visit and our scone. We may even come back!

In brief

The UK shape shifting government looks as if it is going to try and cobble together another deal with the EU. Who knows what’s going to happen? With a completely shapeless opposition, however, they might actually even get it passed, even if it’s worse than Theresa May’s deal! Some people have complained that the explanation of Brexit in our Muircot Farm post was far too long. Hopefully this one, stolen from the internet, is more concise and clearly encapsulates Britain’s negotiating strategy.

FK2 7ZT tel: 01324 590600 The Kelpies Café

///branded.highs.rungs

Scones, Top

Muircot Farm Shop

9 October 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Now that the summer is pretty well over we have reverted to our old routine of going to the early morning show at our local Hippodrome cinema. Today we saw The Farewell, a true story about lies … no, nothing to do with Boris! We thoroughly enjoyed it. It was our kind of film … no loud sounds, no nudity, no violence and no CGI. Are we getting old?

Afterwards we decide to act on a tip off we had received from our ever diligent Trossachs correspondents. They flagged up Muircot Farm Shop as a place they thought we would enjoy. It’s just outside the Clackmannanshire village of Coalsnaughton so not too far to drive after our movie.

Good advice

Those Trossachs folk know us too well. We were super impressed by everything. In some ways it is just like a multitude of other farm shops … a big shed! However this one seemed to have a slightly different vibe. Not sure if it was the warm and friendly staff, the spacious layout or the fabulous view of the Ochil hills, but it just felt good.

As we ordered some lunch and were trying to make up our minds whether to have a scone each or to share one, our waitress said “you will get a lot of bread with your soup“. Sound advice as it turned out. Almost half a loaf of wonderfully soft whole meal bread made us very glad we decided to share a scone.

Topscone was an easy decision right from the start. Just the right size, wonderful texture with plenty of fruit and lots of jam and cream to go with it. Judging by the healthy portion sizes, you got the feeling that this place is run by a farmer’s wife. No one is going to leave hungry. Inevitably, in farm shops, you are tempted to buy a lot of stuff from the shop. That’s the whole idea after all! This was no exception. We came away with a great selection of goodies to take home.

The final solution

Recently we have met many people confused about what is happening with Brexit. When we say that we know what is happening they are surprised and relieved when it is explained. For the bewildered of the world, here is our explanation:

31st Oct – we leave the EU (do or die)
1st Nov – Scotland gets independence
2nd Nov – Scotland rejoins the EU
3rd Nov – Scotland writes to the wise one, Donald Trump, asking advice on how to build a wall and get England to pay for it.

You will, of course, understand that this timetable is not set in stone. There may be some movement on specific dates. Never mind though, Brexit sanctuary can always be sought at Muircot Farm Shop. Excellent tip off

View of Ochil hills from Muircot Farm Shop, Tillicoultry — View towards Tillycoultry and the Ochil hills

FK13 6LS tel: 01259 750886 Muircot Coffee Shop

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ps Thanks must go to our newest correspondents from Devon. They sent us this picture of a Falkirk made K6 … not in Devon, but in Gramasdal on the Isle of Benbecula. They were out for a walk!

Scones, history and a dollop of politics