Simply Sarah’s

31 January 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Okay, hands up, we are as bad as Boris when it comes to telling porkies. Having told readers that Norton House would be our last post from Europe here we are sending another! The difference between our porky pies and Boris’s is that ours are purely accidental. Maybe Boris has had an advance batch of the new Liar Wine being launched tomorrow to celebrate our departure from the EU. We honestly did not think we would be posting another scone so soon but here we are at Simply Sarah’s doing just that.

Closing early

On this rather wet day, we found ourselves in Doune shopping in one of Pat’s favourite shops. On the way into the shop, we suddenly realised there was a café almost next door. We had always thought of Doune as being a one-café (the Buttercup Cafe ) village but had never noticed Simply Sarah’s. It’s tiny, maybe that’s why! It had to be done.

When we say tiny, we mean tiny. Two small tables and a grand total of four seats. Cat swinging is not advised! You might think that this is about as far away as you can get from the Norton House. Well, in many ways it is, however, don’t be so hasty. Sarah is a classically trained chef who used to work in the upmarket Cromlix House Hotel before it was taken over by Andy Murray … and her experience shows.

We arrived at 2.45 and were warmly welcomed by Sarah. She also warned us that she had to close at 3.00 to go and pick her kiddy up from school. Being the only ones in we had our pick of the tables. We used both! There were two scones left which she had baked earlier in the day. Time was tight but we thought there was just enough to relieve her of those scones and still let her get away.

Prejudices

When the scones came, however, she had preloaded them with butter and jam… no cream. Readers are probably weary of hearing us bleat on about preloaded scones and places that don’t have cream. Normally these two things alone would bar them from the topscone category. Here, however, at Simply Sarah’s we have decided to throw all these silly prejudices overboard because the scones were sooo good. Soft in the middle and just the right of crunch on the outside. On the strength of the scones, we bought a couple of Sarah’s homemade pies. It turned out that we had plenty of time for our scones. This hard-working lady was busy shutting up shop as we left so we hope she wasn’t late for pickup.

Leave the light on

In about nine hours from writing this, we will be out of Europe and bobbing about uncontrollably on a sea of uncertainty like some unsavoury piece of flotsam. Okay, maybe not immediately as we still have the 12 month transition period to get through. But still it will be momentous for all the wrong reasons. The world’s media is descending on Scotland to see how this historic event is commemorated. Don’t expect fireworks here. Brexit has beautifully highlighted Scotland’s democratic deficit. People across the globe now understand the country’s plight better than ever before. Scots are proud Europeans but at 11pm tonight we must prepare to have that part of our national identity forcibly removed.

Perhaps all is not lost, however. As British MEPs were leaving the European Parliament last Wednesday there was a rousing chorus of that quintessentially Scottish song, Auld Lang Syne, accompanied by a promise to ‘”leave the light for Scotland” so it can find its way home. The Scottish Parliament has also refused to lower the EU flag as a symbol to those EU citizens living here that they are still welcome.

Who ate all the pies?

Pies, not the porky pies but the steak and the coronation chicken pies we bought at Simply Sarah’s have since been scoffed. Simply Sarah’s pies are simply the best!

FK16 6BY tel: 01786 842304 Simply Sarah’s FB

///anchovies.fastening.origin

ps Thanks go to our Oregon correspondents who have informed us that they make vegan scones from recipes in Realm magazine. while listening to the music of Dougie MacLean.

Scones in Realm magasine — Realm magazine

However, they are concerned that the neighbours might start complaining about the Scots balladeer. Now we just happen to know that their garden in Lebanon is huge so they must have Dougie cranked up pretty loud. Anyway, for us, it conjures up a wonderful image of scones being baked to the strains of Caledonia. They must be full of Scottish goodness! Do any other readers have favourite scone making music? This is ours, you may remember it from a previous post at Sarocha’s Cafe, click here to remind yourself of its brilliance.

Scones, Top

Norton House Hotel

29 January 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Faced with the prospect of finishing January 2020 and leaving the EU without bringing our readers a topscone prompted us to give ourselves a shake and try a bit harder. Hence you find us here at Norton House Hotel on the outskirts of Edinburgh. We have passed it a million times before while dropping folk off at the airport or picking them up. Never before had it occurred to us to turn off and take the long driveway leading to the hotel. Today, however, we thought a place like this might just put a stop to our topscone famine.

Rings of growth

The rather grand building was constructed in 1840 but no one seems to know who or why it was built. Not until 43 years later, when it was bought by John Usher, does it feature anywhere at all. Usher, had a large brewing company and sucked up to the establishment sufficiently to be made a Baronet in 1899. The house remained in the family until 1951 when the 3rd Baronet of Norton died. It then became a hotel.

During all that time a beech tree, planted around 1810, stood near the house until it fell during a storm in 2017. The hotel manager, a keen woodworker, fashioned this table from it and inscribed it with notable events on the appropriate growth rings. Here is a small selection of the events he chose:

1821 Napoleon dies
1826 Harry Houdini was born
1834 Slavery abolished
1845 Irish potato famine
1865 Abraham Lincoln dies and Alice in Wonderland published
1887 the light bulb was invented
1883 Treasure Island published
1904 hamburger invented
1914 World War I
1922 Birds Eye frozen foods founded
1933 King Kong climbs the Empire State Building
1939 World War II
1972 birth of Michael Sanchez
1976 1st Apple computer
1986 Glasnost

To think that all this happened during this tree’s lifetime somehow brings distant historical events a bit closer. Michael Sanchez, by the way, is the aforementioned manager. Anyway enough of all that.

Cream tea

As expected, this is a nice place. We were shown to a table in a comfortable light and bright lounge. After a spot of lunch, we ordered a cream tea to share. The young man looking after us had explained that a cream tea came with two scones … one fruit, the other plain. When it arrived we could see that the scones were just the right size and they were even accompanied by a couple of delicious-looking oaten biscuits. Lots of jam containing whole strawberries and a healthy bowl of clotted cream. Hopes were high! Happily, the whole thing lived up to expectations. At last, an easy topscone and as such the first of the year and the decade. Not expensive either, our total bill came to £13.50.

The end is nigh!

Of course, it may also be the last scone we can send you from Europe. On Friday we will be floated off into the Atlantic away from the warm embrace of our European friends on a journey to who knows where. Perhaps our old Commonwealth friends will look after us if any of them have memories with a scintilla of fondness?

Brexit has been financed by a few billionaires who stand to profit handsomely while squirreling away ill-gotten gains offshore. The rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer. No change then?

As a slight aside, I came across the life expectancy of people named Norton … don’t ask. The average life expectancy of a Norton in 1941 was 39, and 75 in 2004. Well done the Nortons and well done Norton House Hotel for letting us leave Europe on a topscone high. Farewell Europe, perhaps we will meet again someday?

EH28 8LX tel: 0131 333 1275 Norton House

///doors.juggle.corrects

ps Recently we have been in touch with many friends down under in an effort to find out if they are escaping the effects of the horrendous bush fires. Thankfully they’re all okay but, like us, dismayed at the colossal destruction. Some have even sent pictures to show that amidst all the adversity scones continue to provide a modicum of comfort. Our Bathurst correspondents sent this from the O’Connell Avenue Café. Where there are scones, there’s hope!

Ordinary, Scones

Café in the Kirk

24 January 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Recently, we have come to the conclusion that we could do this blog without ever having to leave our home town of Falkirk. Every time we turn our back, a new cafe or restaurant pops up. Okay, slight exaggeration but only slight. This post from the Café in the Kirk is a typical example.

The Speckled Church

Café in the Kirk has been on the go for a few years, however, not being noted for our religiosity, it just hadn’t registered. Today, however, was the day! Falkirk Trinity Church itself came about fairly recently when three churches merged their congregations … hence the name. A sign of the times, no doubt. Before that, it was the Old Parish Church, a place of worship since the 7th century. Back then it was known as the ‘faw kirk’ or ‘speckled church’ from which the town eventually took its name. Even today, locals tend to pronounce it Fa’kirk. With.soldiers from both the 1298 and the 1746 Battles of Falkirk buried in the graveyard, the church pretty much tells the story of Scotland.

To our great surprise, the Café in the Kirk was very busy, with no available tables. This surprised us in more ways than one. On the way in we had been amply warned by an elderly couple who were sitting outside “the lentil soup isn’t good“, accompanied by knowing glances and shaking heads. In spite of this, we decide to persevere and it wasn’t long before a table became free and we were in … yeah!

Romantic scones

One distinct advantage of coming here was that we felt distinctly young … probably the youngest in the place. The surroundings were fairly utilitarian, brightly lit, oilcloth table coverings, etc. Perhaps not the place to come for a romantic scone. We were attended to by a lovely lady who was dragging a leg. She reminded me of my mother who spent years serving lunches to perfectly able-bodied people while she hobbled around on a walking stick. Needless to say, we cleared our own table then helped our lady deliver our lunches. It seemed like the least we could do. Previously, we had noticed that there were only two scones left. An anxious few minutes were spent waiting to place our order hoping no one else would get them before us. Was that sinful or was that sinful?

Momentary relief

While we were waiting for our lunch to be prepared we noticed this wall poster. Obviously we were heartened by this news and, considering our fraught lives, decided to follow the advice. Joyous relief! However, when we asked for the password for the wifi we were informed: ” for church use only!” Goodness, that didn’t last long. Now we are worried and not enjoying life nearly as much as we did a minute ago. We’re pretty sure God didn’t actually have a hand in this decision, but still?

Although our lunch was great, by the time we got to our scones, expectations were not exactly riding high. However, we were to be confounded yet again … they were delicious! Very fresh and a lovely soft texture throughout. Turned out that our lady with the leg had baked them. If we had been able to get cream this could have been the first topscone of 2020, however, sadly, it was not to be. We are pretty sure that this place is entirely run by volunteers so we are reluctant to be too critical. Overall it’s very good and great value for money.

Celebrate or protest?

Now that the big decision has been taken Brexit barely gets a mention in the news. Attention has been diverted to Trump’s impeachment trial in the US and, of course, the supremely important matter of Harry and Meghan’s future happiness. Yet it is only a matter of days until we finally leave the EU … in Scotland’s case, very much against its will. In fact, the Scottish, Welsh and N.Irish Parliaments have all voted down the EU Withdrawal Bill. Will that make any difference? Not a bit! While Boris tries to determine what sort of celebrations will be used to mark the occasion on the 31st, we suspect that, in other parts of our broken UK, the mood will be more one of betrayal.

The minister of this church, an ardent supporter of Scottish Independence, wrote about the situation in his most recent blog. Yes, good people write blogs as well! He finished with this simple prayer “God, please help us. Amen.” Let’s hope He is listening!

FK1 1JN tel: 01324 611017 Café in the Kirk

///over.sector.news

ps Many thanks to The Laird who notified us of a Falkirk made K6 proudly standing outside the Jamaica Inn on Bodmin Moor in Cornwall. Picture courtesy of haunted rooms.co.uk

K6 outside the Jamaica Inn — Jamaica Inn made famous by Daphne du Maurier novel by the same name

pps Thanks also to one of our Kiwi correspondents for this pic of her home-baked blueberry and banana muffins. Okay, not scones but they do look delicious. Maybe we need to broaden our scope and visit the gumdiggers of Dargaville?

Ordinary, Scones

Smugglers Cafe

17 January 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Today we are in a Cornwall cafe, the Smugglers. It’s inspired by life on the beach, surfing waves and getting your hair bleached by the sun. Only problem is that the nearest beaches, discounting the nearby mud banks of the River Thames, are many many miles away. We are actually in Putney in central London. Nevertheless, Chrissie, who owns this place, has a soft spot for Cornwall and is determined that the Smugglers Cafe should make people feel a little bit of that Cornwall vibe.

“Cornish Smugglers” conjures up a somewhat romantic notion of hardy folk trying to get the better of overzealous excise men. In London, however, we suspect it might have somewhat darker overtones. Fortunately, the decor of surfboards and photos of bronzed beach-ready bodies went some way towards lifting our mood as the rain did its best to come through the plate glass of the Smugglers Cafe window.

The cafe itself is tiny but the staff are welcoming and soon had us fixed up with a delicious lunch. After that, we could not risk a scone each so we shared a cream tea. Our tea came from Cornwall, grown on the Tregothnan estate (the only tea grown in England) and the Origin coffee is roasted there as well, in Helston. Never been to Cornwall so our knowledge is limited.

Need to go

We know though that it’s the home of the ubiquitous Rodda’s Cornish Cream, the bane of our lives. We also know that it is the home of a kind and civilised people who stoically tolerate their brutish neighbours in Devon spreading cream first on their scones. There was plenty of both jam and cream with our scone and we were in no doubt which was to go on first. The fresh raspberries and blueberries were a nice touch. The scone itself, however, was a bit of a disappointment. Just a bit stodgy and certainly not what we expected from a good Cornish scone. Perhaps we need to actually go to Cornwall?

99 to go

There were lots of nice homely touches in the Smugglers Cafe. On our table there was a tiny green bucket with little discs inside. It was 100 Extreme Things to Do Before You Kick The Bucket … great! Almost the first one we pulled out was Go On A Blind Date, eh? We did that nearly 50 years ago … and we’re still on it! How on earth are we supposed to get round to the other 99?

Recycling?

This week has been bittersweet … we finished the Christmas cake on the train coming down to London. Pat baked it and I iced and marzipan it with the indispensable assistance of a couple of granddaughters. Pat is not that keen but I am very keen on Christmas cake so when I say ‘we’ finished it I really mean ‘I’ finished it. That’s it gone for another year … boo! Christmas, of course, has other after-effects. Today there is much talk of the need to recycle. Indeed it has taken over our lives. Knowing what goes in which bin and when it goes out has become a sort of art form. People who actually know these things are regarded as truly wise oracles, surreptitiously consulted by their bewildered neighbours.

We buy masses of plastic castles, farmyards and other lumps of plastic just to keep our little angels momentarily happy. It is all then stuffed in a cupboard to be thrown out the following year to make way for even more stuff. Never mind the energy it takes to produce all this rubbish, when we try to recycle plastic it takes lots more energy. Either that or it goes to landfill. It’s ironic that in attempting to get some short term gratification from our children we actually end up helping destroy their future. The smart thing to do, of course, is not to recycle but not to buy in the first place! The children won’t mind. Especially if you explain that having a non-plastic Christmas might make it worthwhile going to the effort of growing up.

picture at the Smugglers Cafe — On the Smugglers wall .. it should be Cornwall but looks suspiciously like Scotland

They may even get to Cornwall and enjoy that vibe!

SW151JT. Tel: Smugglers

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Ordinary, Scones

Courtyard Coffee Shop

12 January 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

You may remember that in our last post from Antonios Deli we narrowly avoided a potentially tricky contretemps over the last scone. All ended well, however, and we came away with a scone recommendation for Denny. Hence today we have ended up here at the Courtyard Coffee Shop. Denny (pop 7,000) is only a couple of miles from our home yet it’s somewhere we almost never visit. We are only here today because a) it was a beautiful winter’s day and we opted to take a drive up the Carron Valley and b) because we were in pursuit of that scone. There are a number of reasons why this town does not figure highly on our radar … or anyone else’s for that matter.

Carbuncle of the Year

Over the last 40 years the town has had the misfortune of finding itself surrounded by a triangle of motorways. The effect is that the town, which used to be on direct routes of communication, is not any more. It has a bypassed look about it and it’s extremely easy to avoid. Some of the pubs have closed and, perhaps as a direct result, even the police station has gone. The folks who live here, however, are a plucky lot. In 2010, to draw attention to the poor state of the town, they asked for it to be considered for the Carbuncle Award as the most dismal place in Scotland … they won! Normally towns live in dread of these awards but not Denny. Not sure if it had the desired effect or not.

Cattle markets

Anyway if it wasn’t for the wonders of SatNav it’s debatable whether we would ever have found the Courtyard Coffee Shop. Turns out it’s on a farm – the Home Farm to be precise and the road it’s on is called Drove Loan. Drove Loans were the routes used by drovers to walk cattle from all over Scotland to the main market in Falkirk. Driving cattle in this way was a major activity in these parts for almost 200 years from 1750 onwards.

This particular Loan would have provided access to Falkirk from the west. We also live on a “Loan” but ours would mostly have seen sold cattle moving south to England. The Home Farm seems to consist of a rather untidy jumble of buildings of which the Courtyard Coffee Shop is but one. There is another containing a beauty salon. It typifies perhaps the way farmers have been obliged to diversify in order to survive.

Luxury scones

For being a bit off the beaten track it was buzzing when we arrived. The staff were very friendly and helpful and soon had us both sorted with a first class lunch. Because we had eaten quite a lot the decision was to share what was termed a “luxury fruit scone”. Think the “luxury” bit meant it came with cream. Our expectations of the first topscone of the year were dashed, however, when we realised that the scone had probably been baked yesterday. Not bad but some way of the standards required for our highest accolade. It was a pity because this is really a great place. Other than the scone everything was excellent. Because the clientele seemed to know all the staff as well as everyone else in the place, the noise of chat and laughter was deafening. But we love that sort of noise.

Dare to be different?

Most of the noise elsewhere this week has been about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Goodness knows, when the monarchy decided to admit someone with more than half a brain, trouble was almost inevitable. The fact that Meghan was an articulate American divorcee ‘of colour’ with a highly successful career didn’t help either. It’s incredible to see the media that have been saying “how dare she come over here with all her freethinking ideas” swing round to ” how dare she even think of going off somewhere else”! Good luck to them in their big bid for freedom. They will certainly need oodles of luck to disentangle themselves from the wholly unnatural strictures of Royal life. If they can realise their admirable wish to become self sustaining, … even better.

Perhaps we should be thinking of setting the rest of the Royals free as well. Is it morally justifiable for us as a society to do this to a family? Is it cruel or is it cruel? Surely we should not be allowed to hold a family to ransom like this . We expect them to do our bidding unquestioningly just because we pay them billions. Okay, they are a tourist attraction for people to gawp at but how many readers would like to be a tourist attraction? Thought so. Whatever happens it’s pretty obvious that their is little room for someone with the ambitious free thinking attitudes of America in Britain’s starched monarchy. Pity really, it was the best chance for the Royal family to drag itself into the 21st century. We’ve still got Kate, however, baking scones, giving birth and saying nothing … proper Royal.

While we watch Harry and Meghan’s plight being played out in the glaring media light you should get yourself along to the happy noises of the Courtyard Coffee House. Don’t forget your SatNav!

FK6 5LH tel: 01324 815579 The Courtyard

///scrolled.types.headed

Ordinary, Scones

Antonio’s Deli

6 January 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Well here we are in Antonio’s Deli! Not only in a new year but in a new decade. A happy, healthy and sconey 2020 to one and all. We have had two weeks of grandkids over the festive season and have come out the other side in much the same way as a couple emerging from a bomb blast – wide eyed and tousle haired but otherwise unscathed … and thankful to have survived!

Things have quietened down now and as we return to some semblance of normality we venture forth like two polar bears emerging, blinking into the spring sunshine. Our last scone was at The Lobster Pot where we asked readers to interpret a puzzling diorama. You may remember some of its contents – a naked lady, a lobster, a snake and a welly wearing dog. Disappointingly, though perhaps unsurprisingly, there were no responses. The mystery remains … unless?

The Lobster Pot was some time ago, however, so we felt that only small steps would be advisable at first to get us back into the sconological swing. Antonio’s Deli was the answer. We can only imagine that the “bistrot” bit is a printing error. Only a short walk from our house and associated with one of our favourite Italian restaurants, Cafe Corvina. However, at Antonio’s we were looked after, not by an Italian, but a lovely Rumanian lady. She delivered the devastating news that she only had one scone left. And, yes, when we looked over at the counter, there it was, a fruit scone in all its solitary splendour. No choice but to share.

Just as we were about to cut it in half, however, we heard our Rumanian lady trying to explain to a rather distraught gentleman at the next table that there were no scones left. We called over and explained that we had the last one. Gosh, if looks could kill! We offered to sell it to him for £5 but he rather ungraciously declined.

New friend

In case it would upset him further we tried not to issue “mmmm” noises as we ate. Not that difficult really because, although it was nice enough, it definitely wasn’t a topscone. No cream and the butter and jam came from everywhere except Scotland … and you all know what we think about that! In the end our gentleman got over his disappointment and chatted with us quite affably. He reckoned that the best scones in the Falkirk area were at Dobbies Garden Centre. We didn’t disagree. He also gave us a hot tip for a scone in Dennyloanhead. We didn’t embrace or kiss or anything but parted as scone appreciating friends … respect!

Video Games

2020 seems like the beginning of a new decade that, by some accounts, we might not see the end of. We don’t want to appear alarmist, however, what with Greta predicting imminent climactic Armageddon and Indonesia and Australia doing their level best to prove her right, you can’t really blame us for bringing it your attention. On top of all that we have Britain leaving the EU in a couple of weeks and Trump picking a re-election fight with Iran. It’s scary and almost impossible to imagine that someone sitting in an office in Arizona or Essex can, joystick in hand, kill someone driving along a road several thousand miles away. Video games but with real life casualties. To us it seems a particularly cowardly and ungallant way of conducting foreign policy.

Presumably they could do the same to all of us? Okay, sconeys are unlikely to ever be seen as a serious threat to world peace but just think of when these deadly drones are small enough and cheap enough to be given as Christmas presents. With such powerful tools at their disposal the barbarian “cream first” sconeys of Devon might try and exterminate all right thinking sconeys caught in the act of putting jam on first. Since there was no cream in Antonio’s Deli this was not an issue. At no time did we feel even vaguely threatened.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. Now that we have stuck our toes back into the scone-land water, we may venture even further next time.

FK1 1HR tel: 01324 637000 Antonios

///friday.keeps.melt

ps Australia has more than enough problems at the moment and our sympathies go out to them. Thank goodness for our miserable, cool but moderate climate back here in Scotland … 16°C forecast for tomorrow though?? Might have to get the deckchairs out early.Buried in our labyrinthine computer we found this pic of our Toowoomba correpondents enjoying an Australian scone. They’ve got cream! Don’t know anything else about it but lets hope that good scone times return to Aus very soon.

Ordinary, Scones

The Lobster Pot

18 December 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 6 Comments

Although Blackness is not far from home we haven’t visited much in the past ten years. Why? Because the pub closed down and it’s a dead end road so there was nowhere to go when you got here. You could go for a walk, visit the castle but that was about all. It was tragic because Blackness itself is lovely with a nice beach and a nice castle but it needed the pub.

Blackness Castle on a December day — Blackness Castle in December

However, our doughty Trossachs correspondents tipped us off that the pub had reopened and was worth a visit. And they weren’t wrong.

A brisk day

First though a little bit about the castle that has stood here for over 500 years. Sometimes known as the Ship That Never Sailed because, from the seaward side it looks like a great battleship. When German submarine U-21 ventured up the River Forth in 1914 that’s what they thought they saw when they raised their periscope. They decided to venture no further. Having walked along to the castle on what might be best described as a brisk day, we were in need of sustenance.

When you enter the Lobster Pot the sign above the door “We’re All Doomed” gives a hint of what’s to follow. The interior is lovely and warm with a very welcome open fire at one end. It is a bar/restaurant which also incorporates “The Wee Shop”. You can buy your loaf, your cornflakes, your pint and have a meal all in the same place … brilliant! There is a veritable cornucopia of paraphernalia virtually everywhere you look. On the ceiling directly above our table was this lifebelt. In the unlikely event of us ever going on a cruise, we want two of these please.

Who needs cream?

The Lobster Pot has only been open since August and it must be a welcome return for the village. All the staff were very friendly and soon had us sorted with some lunch and a couple of fruit scones. Initially they said that cream was no problem but later said that it was. Not to worry butter and jam would do just fine … we can rough it!

The scones and tea arrived after a perfect lunch. Unfortunately they did not live up to the standards we had already come to expect of the place. Enjoyable enough but just a tad on the stodgy side. The jam was from England and the butter from Ireland … what can we say? Nevertheless, the Lobster Pot is an excellent pub and we will be visiting Blackness much more often as a result. We hope it goes from strength to strength.

When Robert Burns was visiting the area in 1787 he had been obliged to leave nearby Bo’ness after calling it “That dirty ugly place Barrowstounnes” . He sought refuge here and was duly impressed because he wrote this poem “Blackness Is Braw” (Blackness is Superduper). Perhaps it was the ladies bathing in the mineral rich sediment of Blackness Bay (they still do it) that impressed him most. He always had an eye for the ladies after all!

This vintage photo of Blackness fishermen in 1919 was hanging on the wall. Amongst them there’s Ewan ‘Muffy’ McLachlan, George ‘Rasher’ Redmond, ‘Raving Ross’ Rintoul, ‘Mad Jack’ Melville and ‘Dark Drew’ Storer. It could easily be mistaken for a modern day picture of Boris’s new Conservative cabinet. We think, however, that we would rather be governed by ‘Mad Jack’ and his crew.

Help, please!

Before we leave the Lobster Pot perhaps you could help us with this? Close to where we were seated was this little boxed diorama. As you will be aware a diorama is a three-dimensional scene used to creatively express learning. However, we were stumped by this. What were we supposed to learn? It contains a fisherman pointing at a cooked lobster on top of a creel, five bottles of Guinness, a terrier dog wearing wellington boots and a large snake wound around a naked lady. There is some deep meaning here but we are perplexed. Perhaps some readers may have a greater insight?

No more scones until 2020 so while you are pondering naked ladies, snakes and lobsters may we take this opportunity to wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year. Many thanks for your indulgence during the past year.

EH49 7NL tel: 01506 830086 Lobster Pot

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Ordinary, Scones

The Park Hotel

13 December 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Oh dear, it’s Friday the 13th. And it’s the day after the night before! Everyone has awoken to a new reality.

The lemmings of England have voted on the promise of “Get Brexit Done”, as if it is all going to be done and dusted in a few months. Yet another Boris lie … it will take years. Nevertheless, as we speak, they are all rushing headlong towards the white cliffs of Dover wheeeeeeh! Without even a hint of shame, Jeremy Corbyn has said that he will not lead the party into the next election, completely overlooking the fact that he totally failed to lead them into this one. It’s not so much that the Torys won the election but that Labour threw it away.

Tug of War

In Scotland, the Labour party has joined Hebridean sheep in the ‘rare breeds’ category. Unbelievable when you think of the party’s historical strength in this part of the UK. The election, however, has amply demonstrated that the UK is indeed made up of two different countries each pulling in opposite directions. Will the SNP’s resounding success make any difference? We doubt it. Other than self interest, Boris & Co have little or no interest in Scotland. Perhaps the best news is that the duplicitous DUP have been diminished, leaving N.Ireland with a majority of nationalist MPs. The future of the UK has never seemed as uncertain as it is today.

Taking in all this reality is tough … too much reality! A delicious scone might help draw a veil over some of the election’s more unsavoury aspects. Our attention had been drawn to a cafe, not far from home, that we were totally unaware of. When we got there, however, it was closed! Some special event apparently … boo!

No normal scones

So, downhearted and heading for home, we passed this place, the Park Hotel. We thought it might be worth a try. One of our Canadian nieces used to work here many years ago so it has a special wee place in our hearts. It’s a bit weird really because it is probably the nearest eatery to our house yet we haven’t been in it for years. You can see from the title picture that it is hardly a thing of beauty … a box for people to sleep in. Nice enough inside though. It’s part of the Hannigan Hotel Group that owns four hotels, three of them in Falkirk. What had started as a dismal kind of day turned out to be the complete opposite. When we asked if we could have tea and scones they said “Yes, of course, we don’t normally do scones“. Eh?

The service was super friendly and super fast. Barely three minutes had elapsed between placing our order for two cream teas and we had them in front of us. The scones came with a selection of jams, a huge bowl of cream and a large pot of tea. What more could you want on Friday 13th?

Surprise

Now, we would have really liked to have awarded a topscone. Lots of things were right – the service, the cream, the jams, the tea were all good. On top of that, when we went to pay, the grand total was £5.50. When we queried the bill they said that because they “don’t normally do scones” they only charged us £1 for the two cream teas … incredible! Unfortunately, the scones, although very good with plenty of fruit, were just slightly doughy and not quite up to our topscone standards … shame!

We never did figure out why they “don’t normally do scones” so we don’t expect to be so lucky next time. The Hannigan Hotels’ strap line is “investing in Falkirk” so more power to their elbow.

The marble Peking lions at Dollar Park — 10ft tall marble lions. The ball rolls around freely in the mouth

Wonderment

Across the road from the Park Hotel lies the entrance to Dollar Park. It is guarded by two large marble lions from Peking gifted by local boy, Robert Dollar, in 1922. As youngsters we use to be fascinated by how those cunning Chinese had managed to carve these lions with perfect spheroid marble balls in their mouths. We are still fascinated! Another source of childhood wonderment was the kaleidoscope. Invented by Jedburgh man, David Brewster, in 1871. Kalaeidoscopes are also still fascinating. They really were very clever back in those days. Lets hope that Bojo and his mates are half as clever.

FK1 5RY tel: 01324 628331 Park Lodge Hotel

///eruptions.shunning.undivided

ps: As if leaving the EU wasn’t bad enough, we received notification from our Kiwi correspondents that they had found a plum pie that they felt was better than any of our scones. The nerve! Apples and pears! However we just happen to know that The Office café in Maungatapere also does excellent scones. If any readers happen to find themselves in Maungatapere, pop into the Office and try both. Let us know which is best … scone or the pie?

Ordinary, Scones

Caffe Carlucci

9 December 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Today we are back in the Edinburgh, Athens of the North. That title is perfectly understandable when you look around – it is a beautiful city. A couple of hundred years ago, however, it wasn’t quite as civilised as it appears now. For example, one of the punishments for persistent miscreants was for them to be placed in the stocks and one of their ears nailed to the wood. The only means of escape was to tear their own ear off the nail … arrggh! The damaged ear then served as a permanent signal to others that that individual was thoroughly untrustworthy – hence the term ‘earmarked’. Has anyone seen Boris Johnson’s ears recently? We think we now know why he wears his hair the way he does. Of course, things have improved since these days, however, judging by the film we went to see, perhaps, not that much.

Uplifted!

We are at the Cameo Picturehouse again. This time to see Sorry We Missed You, a movie by Ken Loach. An excellent film but not an easy watch. One of those films where everyone leaves the cinema in complete silence. A graphic illustration of what years of Tory rule has done to this country and the hard working people at the bottom of the heap trying to raise their families. Many just get into an endless cycle of debt and are driven into what’s now known as ‘working poverty’. Should be compulsory viewing for anyone thinking of voting Conservative on Thursday. As you can imagine, we left the cinema in silence as well. Walking out of the cinema though we spied what looked like a scone emporium directly opposite the cinema … Caffe Carlucci! Our spirits lifted – we felt wind beneath our wings once again!

Frozen

Not that much wind, however – just enough to get us over the street! Caffe Carlucci is a nice enough place in a thoroughly unspectacular sort of way. There seemed to be only a solitary member of staff and he didn’t seem that pleased about it. We had a light snack which was excellent and then a fruit scone. We didn’t choose a fruit scone, that’s all they had. Both scones came in a rather peculiar elongated shape and were accompanied by prepackaged butter and jam none of which came from anywhere near Edinburgh. The butter was frozen to a degree that rendered it completely useless. There wasn’t any cream so just scone and jam for us. All in all not a bad place but definitely not the greatest scone experience.

Only a couple of days to go before ‘E’ Day on the 12th. Mild apologies to readers outside the UK who have little interest in Britain’s politics. ‘Mild’ because they have not had to endure the last three months of electioneering. It has been ghastly! Parties falling over themselves to promise us the earth, the moon and the stars! We have already used our postal vote, so we’re done. Of course we voted correctly and hope that everyone else does the same. Where on earth will we be on Friday? Will Boris show his ears at last?

EH3 9JP tel: 0131 466 3188 Carlucci

///ropes.curve.spots

ps This is what happens when your order involving a potato scone and a sausage roll gets misheard by the waiter. You get a scone with link sausage! It’s a new one on us. Definitely fits the ‘weird’ category. And no cream or jam by the look of it?? Unfortunately we cannot remember who sent this in but thanks, whoever you are.

pps our correspondents from, jam first, Devon, have sent us a photo of a mixture of Saracen and Carron K6s in Truro in, cream first, Cornwall

Fabulously, they also found these Falkirk made cannons while in Paraty in Brazil but not on the same outing … obviously!

Many thanks

Scones, Top

Coffee Bothy – revisited

6 December 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

In the late 16th century, Lady Doune of Doune Castle, otherwise known as Margaret Campbell, must have been a formidable woman indeed. Her son was known as the Bonnie Earl of Moray because of his good looks, athleticism, skill on the dance floor and his love of scones. Haven’t been able to verify this last claim but we just think he would have been an avid sconey. However, these attributes ended up making him an enemy of King James VI whose Queen, Anne of Denmark, was paying too much attention to the Bonnie Earl. Unfortunately the King was a Boris-like knock-kneed slobbering individual with none of the charms of the young Earl. Eventually, James got the Earl of Huntly, otherwise known as the Cock o’ the North, to take “whatever measures necessary” against Moray.

Best laid plans

In 1592, Huntly contrived to burn Moray to death by setting fire to another of Moray’s country seats at Donibristle in Fife. Moray fled with his head on fire but was struck down by Huntly’s men. Huntly drew his dirk and slashed Moray across the face. The Bonnie Earl’s last words were “You, Huntly – you have spoiled a better face than your own!”. Ouch! Definitely a sconey!

Now this may sound a bit like modern day politics. Unbelievably, Huntly, the King and everyone else associated with the dastardly deed denied all knowledge. Sound familiar? We now think that the Duke of York’s current memory problems may actually be a hereditary affliction affecting all aristocracy. No doubt due to centuries of in-breeding! It’s just a thought but maybe we should cut him some slack … or maybe not?

Mothers

Moray’s mum, Lady Doune wasn’t having any of it and sought to expose all concerned. She had her son’s naked, stabbed and mutilated body put on display in the Kirk of Leith. A painting of the body was made for exhibition. She had his blood stained shirt paraded through the streets of Edinburgh. The outrage was such that the King had to go into hiding for a while in Glasgow and Huntly was imprisoned at Blackness Castle. That’s mothers for you.

Internal view of the Coffee Bothy atDeanston Distillery, Doune

Anyway, all this is simply to tell you that today we are in Doune visiting one of Pat’s favourite shops. After a couple of hours of fairly intensive retail therapy, however, we were both in dire need of a scone. So on this -4ºC frosty day we decided to head a few hundred yards along the River Teith to the café at Deanston Distillery. Almost three years since we were last at the Coffee Bothy. so it was due a quality check anyway.

External view of Deanston Distillery, Doune

The last time we were here the scones came as a brace and that is still the case.

A scone at the Coffee Bothy at Deanston Distillery, Doune

They are quite small but if you want to try two different types, this is the answer. Unfortunately, on this occasion they only had fruit left so that wasn’t an option. Plenty of jam and whipped cream as well so the Coffee Bothy did not disappoint second time around. Just a smidgen off topscones but very enjoyable nevertheless.

You never know the minute

In our last post about the Coffee Bothy we were lamenting the fact that Deanston distillery (about 20 miles from Falkirk) had become the closest to home. It used to be Rosebank distillery (a few hundred yards away) but it closed in 1993. It had produced Scotland’s most light and floral whisky and came to define Lowland whiskies in general. Since then, however, it has been announced that Rosebank is to be completely renovated and will reopen in the next year or so. Not only that, a brand new Falkirk distillery, imaginatively called the Falkirk Distillery, is in the process of being built at the other end of the town and will also be opening within a few months.

Bottle of whisky at Deanston Distillery, Doune

Now, although this news may not excite all sconeys please remember that both distilleries will undoubtedly feature a coffee shop. Excited now? Watch this space.

For the first time in its history, the BBC has resorted to public challenges to try and get the Prime Minister to be interviewed by Andrew Neil like all the other party leaders. No success so far but don’t be surprised if Neil’s home suddenly goes on fire with him in it.

FK16 6AG tel: 01786 843013 Coffee Bothy TA

///kneeled.blotches.fooling

Closing early

Prejudices

Leave the light on

Who ate all the pies?

Rings of growth

Cream tea

The end is nigh!

The Speckled Church

Romantic scones

Momentary relief

Celebrate or protest?

Need to go

99 to go

Recycling?

Carbuncle of the Year

Cattle markets

Luxury scones

Dare to be different?

New friend

Video Games

A brisk day

Who needs cream?

Help, please!

Tug of War

No normal scones

Surprise

Wonderment

Uplifted!

Frozen

Best laid plans

Mothers

You never know the minute

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics