Tebay Services

We’re on a road trip … yeah! A bit like Easy Rider but without the motorbikes … and everything else come to think of it. It’s the M6 and we’re on our way to Poole to see our daughter’s new house …. exciting. Everyone has a favourite motorway services … don’t they? Is it just us? Anyway, if you are going to have a favourite, Tebay Services in Westmorland does it for us! 

Bladder stops

Tebay Services was established in 1972 by the local farmer when the motorway was driven straight through the middle of his farm. A case of, if you can’t beat them join them. The farmshop features much of their home grown meat and veg and the whole place specialises in locally sourced produce. It’s just a bit different from the normal soulless motorway services. They even have a duck pond.Internal view of Tebay Services

It’s about two hours drive from home and that’s roughly how long we can go these days without a bladder stop. Too much information we know but unfortunately that is just the harsh reality.

Scones at Tebay ServicesWe’ve never had a scone here before so there was a degree of nervous anticipation. It’s all self service , of course, so we had to help ourselves from a box of scones and then fill a wee tub with jam from one of the large pots available. Not exactly the Ritz but the scones looked good and we soon had ourselves sorted out with everything we required.

View from Tebay Services
View over part of the duck pond towards the Westmorland moors
Road trips

As scones go this one was above average but, what with it being self service and all that, even with it’s nice little pat of Cumberland butter, it was never going be rated as a topscone. A scone at Tebay ServicesMaybe a top motorway services scone but since we are very seldom on motorways that is not one of our categories. It’s a long time since we were last here and somehow it didn’t seem as good as we remembered but that might just be our memories playing tricks. This was a southbound scone, we may do a northbound one on the way home? Or maybe not. After an hour or so we felt suitably refreshed and ready to take on the next 350 miles. We’re sure our Australian correspondents would not bat an eyelid at such a journey but it seems like a long way to us.Internal view of Tebay Services

Voting for anyone but the Tories

Over the past few days there’s been local council elections held over the whole of the UK. Although not all results are in, it seems that the Conservatives have taken a bit of a drubbing … surprise, surprise! They now seem to be trying to portray Boris as a great wartime leader. Are we at war … news to us! Labour and the Lib Dems are saying that the political tectonic plates have shifted without realising that folk simply could not bring themselves to vote for scandal ridden Conservatives.

Scotland continues to see the SNP still riding high after fifteen years in power. Scotland uses the STV (single transferrable vote) system otherwise known as the “vote ’till you boak” system. You order the candidates in order of preference until you cannot vote without feeling sick. But perhaps the biggest change is being seen in N. Ireland where Sinn Féin has become the largest party at Stormont. Could this herald the ‘anomaly’ that is N. Ireland being solved democratically without resorting to violence … let’s hope!

On the road again, wind in our hair, Born to be Wild by Steppenwolf on the radio … this is the life!

CA10 3SB     tel: 015396 24511       Tebay Services

///atlas.flaking.take

Deanston Distillery

Okay we haven’t posted for a while so this one may contain a slightly bigger rant than normal. Let’s face it we are hardly short of things to rant about.

When we named this post Deanston Distillery we had forgotten that we had reviewed the tearoom before. It’s called the Coffee Bothy but that was six years ago so it’s about time we checked it out again. Last time we were here we were able to watch sandpipers on the banks of the river Teith which runs by the distillery. None this time but we did see some grey wagtails and they are always nice to see as well.

Perfect circles

Five shilling note in Deanston money
Five shilling note in Deanston money.

Previously we told you that the workers, when it was a cotton mill, were paid in ‘Deanston money.’ This ‘money’ could be exchanged for goods in the village shop which was owned by …  you guessed it, the mill owner. A perfect monetary circle. In our previous post we also explained that the distillery was originally a flax mill, then a cotton mill before eventually being transformed into a distillery in 1965. It’s owned by the South African based Distell Group that also owns Bunnahabbhain distillery and Tobermory distillery … hallowed names in the whisky world.

Burke and Hare

What on earth could that notorious pair, who murdered lots of people and sold their bodies to medical science, have to do with this sleepy little village? Well, not a lot directly, however, Burke’s wife Helen had to adopt an itinerant way of life after her husband was hanged in Edinburgh before a crowd of 20,000 in 1829. She was acquitted but in the eyes of the people she was guilty by association. Described as “An Unfortunate Female of the Degraded Class” she was unable to settle because when folk discovered her identity there would be angry riots and attempts on her life.

Eventually she took up with a spinner at Deanston cotton mill but had only been there three days before she was discovered. A band of women strangled and crushed her to death in a most barbarous way. Luckily, times have changed, our welcome at the Coffee Bothy was very warm and friendly.Internal view of Deanston Distillery

Taken aback

Anyway, enough of murders and dastardly deeds. After some lunch we asked for a fruit scone to share. At the Coffee Bothy, the scones always come in pairs making sharing very easy. When we asked the young girl who was looking after us if she had made the scones she simply replied “Yes”. A scone at Deanston DistilleryWe were taken aback. Normally that question is greeted with giggles but followed by the information on who did actually make them. It’s a useful way of finding out if they are made in-house or bought-in.

They were nicely presented and the size of each scone was perfect for us to have one each. We weren’t too sure about the cream, it could have been scooshie but it had quite good consistency so we weren’t sure. The scones themselves were really nice but unfortunately just fell short of our top award. Hats off to all young girls making scones though!

Has the world gone nuts

… or is it just us? In our previous post from the Coffee Bothy we compared the UK economy to the “Angel’s Share”.

Red deer playing a musical instrument
talented wildlife in Doune

That’s a term used to describe the gradual evaporation that takes place over many years from whisky barrels. Eventually there is nothing left in the barrel bu, a few angels have become very happy in the process, analogous to our economy under a Tory government. Some make millions while others have to rely on food banks. After the debacle over Rishi Sunak’s wife’s non-dom status that would have saved her over £4.4 million in tax. Poor dear we wonder if she even had to work for half a day to earn that sort of money. Now, however, other cabinet ministers are refusing to disclose their tax status. In Norway tax returns are a matter of public record. Goodness, can you ever imagine that happening here?

World beaters

Boris Johnson and Priti Patel have hatched a ‘world beating’ to send, at vast expense, refugees that land in the UK to Rwanda, one of the poorest countries in the world. There they can be processed before the people traffickers transport them back to the UK in tiny rubber boats. What kind of twisted mind comes up with that as a solution to anything? Are we going to do that for Ukrainian refugees as well?

Display of Deanston whiskyRussian TV gets a lot of criticism because it simply does the government’s bidding. The BBC might be going exactly the same way. When discussing all the many reasons for the UK’s economic predicament, one of the most obvious reasons is never ever mentioned …. Brexit. It’s as though it has been totally expunged for the BBC vocabulary. It’s almost as if it never happened?

Okay, it might be us that’s nuts! But we have to say that there is something strangely comforting about eating scones surrounded by vast quantities of whisky. Not sure what it is but we do recommend it.

External view of Deanston House
Deanston House which used to be the home of the mill owner

FK16 6AG      tel: 01786 843010      Deanston distillery

///awoke.hobbies.happen

A scone at the Pier cafe at StronachlacherPS: lo and behold our ever vigilant Trossachs correspondents have sprung back into life with news from the Pier tearoom in Stronachlachar. We know it well and there can’t be many more scenic places to have a scone than here. We haven’t been for a long time so it was great to hear that their standards had not slipped.

Hot cross scones?

And that’s not all. One of our Kiwi correspondents has sent news of a hot cross scone in Mapua, Tasman at the northern end of the South Island. External view of Deanston DistilleryIt’s a new one on us! He got it at a streetside stall with an honesty box. We love honesty boxes but unfortunately our correspondent reports that “it was average  and a bit on the heavy side and the cross part tasted  leathery like an old boot lace“. Oh dear, thank goodness they’re in New Zealand and not here.

Not the Smiddy

Okay, this is a weird one in several ways – weird scone,  weird  circumstance  …  just weird! The other day we were visiting Doune and on the way we popped into the Smiddy to get some stuff in the farm shop. Short on time, we didn’t bother with the café and anyway we had reviewed their scones previously. When I asked Pat when she thought that was she thought that it must have been last year sometime.

External view of the Smiddy
The Smiddy

No, it was 2016 when we last reviewed a scone at the Smiddy …  unbelievable how time passes when you are enjoying yourself! Anyway, as we approached the checkout we spotted this packet (title picture) of banana and chocolate scones. What? As ever, of course, we are willing to risk life and limb in order to further our reader’s sconological knowledge, so into the basket they went.

Pre packed

Scones in packets are usually to be avoided. We don’t think of ourselves as scone snobs but, having said that, there are limits. However, we hadn’t ever come across this particular combination of ingredients before so obviously, they could not be allowed to escape our customary rigorous testing.  It would have to be done at home, however, hence the “Not the Smiddy”  title. 

A chocolate and banana scone for the SmiddyThe big test took place the following day while watching the tragic events unfold in Ukraine. Pat whipped up some cream and served them with some of her own plum jam. Dilemma, what do you serve with chocolate and banana scones? They looked deceptively like fruit scones but what appeared to be fruit was in fact chocolate chips. We like a bit of crunch to our scones but these ones were very soft all over but not unpleasant. We won’t be rushing back to buy more but overall they were surprisingly nice. All we can suggest is that, if you ever come across chocolate and banana scones yourselves, don’t be frightened! And the plum jam went fine!

The government

Today the government announced a new approach to the UK’s energy problems. North Sea oil is going to be fully developed to alleviate the  economic crisis. Could this be the same North Sea oil that, according to the same government in the 2014 Scottish Independence Referendum was at an end, only a dribble left? They’ve also hiked up National Insurance contributions for all employers and employees to help pay for the NHS. Could this be the same NHS that was supposed to benefit to the tune of £350 million per week as a result of Brexit? At the same time Rishi Sunak’s wife has registered for non-dom status to escape taxes.

The plight of the people in Ukraine is heart rending. We’ve volunteered to take refugees but due to the government’s opaque immigration system our chances of getting any are slim to say the least. Could it be that our UK government is devious, dishonest, sleazy, self-serving and incompetent? Perish the thought! Remember, these days everything is Putin’s fault! However, he’ll be relieved to hear that we’re not blaming him for banana and chocolate scones.

The Hidden Lane Tearoom

Logo of the Hidden Lane TearoomHere we are in Glasgow, the bestest city in the whole wide world … Pat told me that! We are looking for something that’s hidden. Why? It’s like an itch, you’ve got to scratch it. If you are told something is hidden you feel an overpowering urge to find it. So it was with the Hidden Lane Tearoom.

The Hidden Lane
Looking down the Hidden Lane from Argyle Street

Argyle Street is more than two miles long and one of Glasgow’s main shopping streets. There is so much going on you could easily walk past this little lane and not even notice it. Even if you did, you might not feel particularly inclined to go down … it’s not immediately obvious that it leads to anything. It’s proper name is Argyle Court but not a lot of people know that. You would just get a blank look if you asked for it by anything other than ‘the hidden lane.’ When you reach the end of the lane, however, it suddenly opens up into a large courtyard with a veritable cornucopia of tiny little shops and eateries. It’s quite a big area but this narrow lane is the only way in or out. Who would have thought?

Exciting

Even then, the tearoom was not immediately obvious but then we spotted it tucked away in a corner. External view of the Hidden Lane TearoomIt has become a central focus  amongst the brightly coloured higgledy piggledy studios which act as home to lots of musicians and other creatives. We were excited to find the Hidden Lane but we were doubly excited to try the tearoom. Apparently it’s renowned for its luxury afternoon tea, its classic Victoria sponge and its secret recipe scones. What’s not to get excited about?

The tearoom has a cosy chintzy feel about and combined with the cheery service it’s the sort of place where you immediately feel comfortable. Internal view of the Hidden Lane TearoomThey have an upstairs as well so it’s not as small as you might think. Of course, our primary concern was the scones. Pat went for fruit and I opted for their ‘special scone of the day,’ raspberry and white chocolate.  

Double awards

I tried to get a picture of both scones together but for some reason it didn’t work. A scone at the Hidden Lane Tearoom Damn, just when I thought I was getting the hang of this photography lark! Anyway we shared the scones so that we could sample both. Unsurprisingly perhaps, we thought they were both excellent. Served with little glass pots of jam and cream and a sprinkling of crunchy sugar on top. We gave Pat’s a topscone and mine a top weird scone … well done the Hidden Lane Tearoom.

Message at the Hidden Lane TearoomWho would have thought that, more than a month on, the war in Ukraine would still be going on. And in the David and Goliath struggle, David seems to at least be holding his own against the vastly superior might of the Russian army. There was a message on the wall of the Hidden Lane Tearoom. It did make us  wonder what would have happened if Mad Vlad had gone for tea first. 

Message at the Hidden Lane TearoomThe football World Cup is scheduled to take place in Qatar at the end of the year. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if Ukraine qualified! However, there’s a fly in the ointment … Scotland. The only thing standing between Ukraine and qualifying for the World Cup is Scotland. They have to play to decide which country goes through. Oh no, what a dilemma!

View from the Hidden Lane Tearoom
View from the Hidden Lane Tearoom

G3 8ND                tel: 0141 2374391            Hidden Lane

///craft.beans.dream

Tattie Bogle’s

Russia and it’s people are not exactly flavour of the month these days but, of course, that’s very unfair. Russians are just like the rest of us. They are not all evil despots like Putin, just like we in the UK, are not all bumbling idiots. Anyway, in a miniscule way, this post will try and redress the problem even though we may get accused of being diverted away from the main purpose of this blog.

It’s all about a new enterprise in Falkirk called Tattie Bogle’s. It’s a healthy eating place that tries to minimise packaging and it’s owned by a husband and wife team. She is Scottish and he’s Russian … lovely folk and passionate about what they do.Internal view of Tattie Bogle's

Scary stories

Some of you who are not so familiar with Scottish terminology may be wondering about the name Tattie Bogle’s. A  tattie is a potato here in Scotland as in tattie scone, mince and tatties etc etc. Bogle refers to something scary, as in bogeyman. When you put the two together you end up with a human like form standing amongst crops to scare off unwanted visitors … a scarecrow! Loving parents all over Scotland would tell their children elaborate stories about tattie bogles to scare them half to death.

So Tattie Bogle’s is not a cafe or restaurant, it’s a kind of old-fashioned organic ethical grocers selling, amongst lots of other things, locally sourced fresh fruit and veg. You take along your own containers to cut down on packaging. We are definitely in favour of that … packaging seems to be a modern day curse. They even get their organic milk from Robert Burns’s Mossgiel Farm in Ayrshire. Having said it’s not a cafe it does have a couple of tiny tables where you can sit and have coffee. It was a fabulous sunny day so we thought we would see if they had any scones (we do try to stay on message).

Bavarian croissant, empire biscuits and snowballs
Freshly baked Bavarian croissants, empire biscuits and snowballs

No, no scones but they did have some other delicious looking baking. Bavarian chocolate croissant at Tattie Bogle'sThis is where we got diverted … no scones were harmed in this post. We ended up getting a Bavarian chocolate croissant to share. When we asked for a knife, however, we were told “no knives“. Gosh they really are serious about this no wastage thingy. No matter, Pat ripped it in half with her bare hands. It was delicious and if we were dishing out top-croissant awards this would definitely have qualified.

Brute strength

It was very pleasant sitting there in the sunshine so we decided to prolong our stay with an empire biscuit. An empire biscuit at Tattie Bogle'sNot even a plate this time, just a brown paper bag. Again, Pat just grabbed it and broke it in half. She can be absolutely ruthless when she wants. Having said that, I got the half with the cherry. don’t mistake this for altruism or generosity … she doesn’t like cherries!

Tattie Bogle’s sources its produce with consideration for people, animals and the environment We found its simple ‘back to basics ethos when it comes to health quite refreshing. Let’s have more more Scots/Russian collaborations, more power to their collective elbow!

​We would, however, like less power for Putin’s elbow You could say that he’s a bit of a tattie bogle, he has managed to successfully keep the West at bay after all. From his point of view nuclear weapons are actually a very successful deterrent. They’ve certainly paralysed the West militarily and allowed him to do pretty much as he pleases.

FK1 1JQ     tel: 01324 227718.     Tattie Bogle

///jaws.jungle.calculating

Royal Station Hotel

All good things must come to an end … why oh why does that have to be true? But they do and after a wonderful few days here in Newcastle, we are heading for home. We arrived back in the city centre having been pampered for a few days in Jesmond Dene House. Our train wasn’t due for another hour so time to squeeze in another scone maybe? We ended up here at the Royal Station Hotel but it wasn’t our first choice.

Sound advice

You know how lots of pubs are called “something and something” e.g. the Hare and Hounds, the Rose and Crown etc etc. Well we were aware of a place called the Dog and Scone which was not far from the station. We ended up getting a bit lost, however, and had to ask a chap manning a fruitstall. “Dog and Scone“, he said, shaking his head “nae mannever heard of it“. He consulted with a couple of colleagues and that resulted in a kind of mass synchronised head shaking. We told him the street name “ wey aye man, that’s just doon there and alang yon lane on the right but ye don’t want to be gaein’ there man, it’s rubbish! There’s dogs everywhere on the floor on the tables, ye really don’t want to be gaein’ there, ye definitely won’t like it, there’ll be hairs in the scones!External view of the Dog and Scone, Newcastle

Limits

That’s the second ‘rubbish’ thing we’ve been told about in Newcastle. The first ‘rubbish’ thing was the Metro which turned out to be great so we thought we should still go and investigate. The friendly fruit man was spot on! We looked in the window of the Dog and Scone and true enough, there were people lying on the floor with their dogs, people sitting with dogs on their tables, dogs everywhere. Presumably they had scones but we decided there was limits to our dedication after all. We don’t even know if we would have been allowed in without a dog! We moved on and the next place we came to was the Royal Station Hotel. It’s a huge Victorian pile that forms part of the station.

Internal view of the Royal Station Hotel, NewcastleNo dogs here but not much joy either. There were signs for afternoon tea all over the place but they said they didn’t do scones, eh? When we asked how they did an afternoon tea without doing scones our waiter looked at us quizzically “ well I suppose I could ask the kitchen for a scone“, he said. The temptation to give a round of applause was almost overwhelming.

Is this cream?
A scone at the Royal Station Hotel, Newcastle

They probably thought we had a bit of a nerve because we only wanted one scone to share. To give them their due they did come quite smartly with our order. It was all quite acceptable except the cream which was just a bowl of runny stuff … completely unfit for purpose. No topscone here unfortunately but it did allow us to kill some time in more comfortable surroundings than we would have had at the Dog and Scone.

Internal view of the Royal Station Hotel, NewcastleThere were some interesting quotes painted onto the walls; “Whisky is by far the most popular remedy that won’t cure a cold” was one by Jerry Vale. It does make it much more bearable though … I can vouch for that! Sometimes I drink it even if I don’t have a cold.

Judgement?

Another quote by Ukranian philosopher, Dagobert D Runes was perhaps more topical. “Dictators long ago found that it is easier to unite people in common hatred than in common love.” Putin has certainly managed to do that. Now, however, he may be slowly beginning to realise that he has bitten off more than he can chew. Hugely overestimating the capabilities of his own forces and underestimating the bravery and resolve of the Ukrainian people. Hopefully, before long, someone will put him out of his misery.

Soon we were back on our LUMO train and heading back north with very fond memories. Newcastle itself was great but its people were fantastic. Without fail we were welcomed  by the Geordies who proved to be unstintingly helpful and  friendly. Apologies for our attempts at imitating the accent.

NE1 5DH        tel: 0191 232 0781        Royal Station

///went.list.mile

Jesmond Dene House

Logo of Jesmond Dene HouseForgive us if this seems to be turning into “what we did on our holidays” but it’s tricky because this actually is what we did on our holidays, albeit only a few days. In fact it wasn’t our holidays, it was more of a sconological expedition south of the border where few sconeys have gone before. By now you all know the sort of extraordinary sacrifices we make in order to keep you up to date with sconey news. This is no exception. For this post we had to stay here in Jesmond Dene House. We know, we know but we felt duty bound!

A bit of history

The house was built in the Arts and Crafts style in 1871 by Sir Andrew Noble who worked for Lord William Armstrong … the oligarchs of their time. They became fabulously wealthy through shipping and the manufacture of armaments. It was forever thus. It’s been a hotel since 2005 and has a beautiful setting on the edge of the Dene Burn. Celebrities and Royalty have been entertained here … and now us!

The Great Hall at Jesmond Dene House
When they said our table was ready we did not expect this! Not really but it is the Great Hall

Of course, we were only here for the scones! We had a notion it might be a bit more expensive than our last post from Olivers Bistro Café and we weren’t wrong. We could have sat outside in the spring sunshine but they actually seated us in a cosy little alcove beside a wonderfully warm open fire … fab!  Our lovely chatty waiter was from Venice. We know everything about him: his early life; his career, his children, his failed marriage, we could go on! 

Two baby two

A sconel at Jesmond Dene HouseWhen you order a scone you actually get two and you can pick from a variety they have on offer. We chose fruit and cheese. They came with little bowls of butter and jam as well as a pot of cream and huge linen napkins. They were wonderfully warm and were absolutely delicious. £10 for two scones and coffee but worth every penny. If ever there was a challenger to our benchmark Fonab Castle’s scone, this was it.

Rivet Catcher

We told our Venetian friend that we are going to try the Metro. He looked shocked and said in his Italian accent “No, it’s rubbish“. He went on to elaborate “I’ve been here six years and I’ve only been on it once … and that was enough!” Of course, he was comparing Newcastle to Rome, London and Paris so we weren’t unduly concerned. Metro ticketsUndeterred we set off for a station about ten minutes walk from the hotel. An ‘ALL DAY’ ticket was £5 each. This allowed us to travel anywhere we liked, get off and on as many times as we liked and valid for the whole day. We’re loving it already!

Okay, the trains are a bit on the basic side but they rattle along and we did managed to hit 33 of the 60 stations on the system … yes we counted them! We went to the beach in Tynemouth and then, to finish off,  a drink of Rivet Catcher in the Cumberland Arms.

Internal view of the Cumberland Arms, Tynemouth
Cumberland Arms in Tynemouth
Romance in not dead

Then, because Pat has always wanted to go on a cruise (not,) we went to North Shields and caught the ferry across the Tyne (the Metro ticket does that as well). Only a seven minute cruise but, in the golden evening light, it was very romantic … honest!

The Shields ferry
Spirit of the Tyne approaching North Shields with South Shields in the distance
Anyone for billiards

It was well and truly dark when we got back to Jesmond Dene House. We decided to have dinner beside another large open fire in the billiard room. No billiards but presumably there must have been at one time!

Internal view of Jesmond Dene House
Lady Muck in the billiard room

Looking at us with a fearful expression our waiter friend was keen to know if we had gone on the Metro. When we told him what we had done he was super impressed. He had never heard of anyone doing that before! All we can say is that if you want to get a quick feel for the area and the people you could do a lot worse than take a trip on the Metro.

A picture at the Cumberland Arms, Tynemouth
Interesting painting in the Cumberland Arms

Dinner was fabulous by the way … a bit pricey for our Scottish pockets but fabulous.

Hero

Our thoughts are with Marina Ovsyannikova, the lady who protested live on Russian television. From totally unknown to worldwide hero in an instant … wow! We dread to think what will happen to her now but fingers crossed she’s okay?

NE2 2EY       tel: 0191 212 3000      Jesmond Dene

///mull.names.urgent

Olivers Bistro Café

Logo of Olivers in Grainger MarketNormally, when we go to London we get the East Coast line which is operated by LNER. Somewhat unexpectedly however a new kid has appeared on the line …. LUMO. They don’t do as many stops as LNER but we thought we would give them a try. So here we are in Newcastle-upon-Tyne. Way aye man, welcome to Geordieland.  They speak differently down here and have a whole vocabulary all of their own … would we manage without an interpreter,? 

We were too early for our hotel so we walked up towards the Monument and ended up here in Olivers Bistro Cafe in Grainger Market.

The Monument, Newcastle
The Monument to Charles Grey, 2nd Earl Grey built in 1838. He was Prime Minister from 1830 to 1834 but more importantly he invented tea for posh folk?

No one could ever say that Olivers Bistro Café is fancy. The roof appears to be held up by scaffolding but it’s practical and honest … a bit like the Geordies themselves.A scone selection at Olivers in Grainger Market

The lady who took our order for a fruit scone to share and two coffees was lovely, she made us feel very welcome. After a wee chat she set off to get our order and within the blink of a eye, we had it … two coffees and one fully loaded scone … argh!

Decisions

You all know our thoughts on this unseemly practice. How much cream, how much jam … someone else had decided on our behalf. We felt disempowered! A bit like Scotland does when Westminster makes all the decisions to suit England. A scone at Olivers in Grainger MarketAnyway, we cut it up so that we could both have a piece … damn it, it was really good! And our total bill came to £5.50! We have a cheek to complain! No topscone but if you don’t mind being disenfranchised and feel an overpowering urge for a fully loaded cream scone then Olivers is definitely the place to be.

Stotties

Recovering from our scone trauma, we carried on round this vast market. You can probably get anything you can imagine here. We bought a stottie cake, a local delicacy that’s nothing like a cake but more like a big fat girdle scone. When we asked our taxi driver what we should do with ours, he said “aye man, ye can dae onythin’ ye like … ye can slice it in half and pit a full English breakfast in … that’s guid like!

Stottie cakes and double yoker eggs
Stottie cakes and double yolker eggs

We also bought some double yoke eggs. When we asked how they knew they were double yolked it threw the two ladies behind the counter into a huddle of intense discussion. Eventually the answer came … “we think it’s a special chicken!” We thought about telling them about a special loch in Scotland that has a monster, but didn’t bother.

Difference a few years makes

The last time we were in Newcastle was back in 2019 when we were catching a ferry to Amsterdam. Only a few years but it seems like an age. No COVID, we were still in the EU and there was no war in Ukraine. What’s happening in Ukraine is unbelievably awful. The fact that, in Russia, the word ‘war’ cannot be used in any publication (presumably including scone blogs) about Ukraine,   without the authors getting fifteen years jail time, kind of says it all. If you don’t hear from us for a while you’ll know what’s happened.

NE1 5QF         tel: 7944 680959.        Olivers FB

///catch.awake.causes

ps: since then we have tried two of the eggs and only one was double yoked … chicken fail! We did have the stottie cake with some fry … excellent!

Clootie McToot

Logo of Clootie McToot, AbernethyClootie McToot, in the little village of Abernethy, makes clootie dumplings and exports them all over the world. One of its dumplings has even made it to Everest basecamp. They could never be described as ‘light’ so don’t think anyone would actually want to carry one to the summit. Great sustenance though! Essentially, you can have anything you want in Clootie McTooties as long as it’s dumpling … correction, they also make scones.

Rhyming dumplings

If you are not from Scotland and are wondering what a clootie dumpling is then let us explain. Nowadays, making them is something of a lost art  but Pat’s mother and my mother along with many other mothers used to make them regularly. You take the ingredients, a bit like those for Christmas cake, wrap them in a ‘cloot’ (cloth) and boil them forever. They were immortalised in this children’s poem:

Obviously, pouring a dumpling out of the spout of a kettle is impossible but that didn’t matter back in those days, we used to recite it with great joy. 

Magic dumplings

Sometimes the cloot would be a pillow case because many dumplings were the size of a football and were so heavy only your mother was capable of lifting them. Dumplings also had magical properties. When children got a portion they would, after a bit of rummaging, inevitably find a coin wrapped up in grease proof paper … so exciting! For some reason, my father always got a button? A big dumpling would last our family a week … hot, cold, sliced, fried … or hot with custard, cold with custard, fried with custard. No, not that last one but you get my drift. Suffice to say that Michelle, who runs Clootie McToot, has taken it upon herself to resurrect clootie dumplings and introduce them to a brand new audience … well done her.Internal view of Clootie McToot, Abernethy

We were looked after by young lass, Daisy, who was forever polite and attentive. After some soup for lunch she offered us cheese scones or chocolate orange scones. You guessed it, Pat went for cheese whereas the chocolate orange just had to be done … living on the edge! When they arrived on our table the only way to describe them was “impressive”.

Finger licking

Mine had a dollop of chocolate sauce on top and Pat’s cheese scone was simply “huge”. Scones at Clootie McToot, AbernethyThe chef actually came out and apologised. He had left someone else in charge of portioning the scones that morning and they had ended up a bit bigger than they should have been. On the basis that they shouldn’t really be a meal in themselves we normally don’t like big scones but these were sooo good. The chocolate orange one tasted really chocolatey and orangey with a lovely texture and crunchy exterior. The chocolate splodge on top meant it all got a bit messy but absolutely ‘finger licking’ good. Pat said her scone was one of the best she had ever tasted even though she couldn’t eat it all. Topscones all round, yeah!

External view of Clootie McToot, Abernethy

If ever we needed a Treaty?
A shackle in Abernethy
A shackle attached to the round tower … it actually fitted Pat’s neck

Events in Ukraine are disastrous for all concerned.  Unimaginable for us quietly sitting here in Clootie McToot in a sleepy little village like Abernethy. Having said that, Abernethy  was not always like this … once it was the “capital” of the kingdom of the Picts. The round tower you see in the picture, just outside Clootie McToot’s door, is only one of two in Scotland.  It dates from the 11th century. The Treaty of Abernethy, signed here in 1072, between Malcolm III, King of Scotland and William the Conqueror, actually secured an uneasy peace between England and Scotland that lasted more than a week! If we could get Vladimir Putin and Volodymyr Zelenskyy to come to Abernethy maybe they would sign another treaty? Dumpling incentives could be involved?

Aqua vitae
Decorative pillar at Clootie McToot, Abernethy
decorated metal pillar

They have quite a range of dumplings for sale so we are now the proud owners of a Clootie McToot cherry, date & Lindores aqua vitae dumpling. It’s delicious! The aqua vitae comes from the local Lindores distillery which opened its modern facility in 2017 but whisky has been distilled on the site since 1494. Clootie McToot also have dumpling kits and dumpling classes. So you, dear reader, have no excuse.

PH2 9JB.    tel: 01738 850795        Clootie

///aims.essential.unto

Tilly Tearoom

It’s a week since our last post at Another Tilly Tearoom and here we are now at the original Tilly Tearoom in Tillicoultry. It’s also been a week since the start of the war in Ukraine. What a week of absolute horror but it has also showcased the best and worst of humanity! It’s embarrassing that we seem to be so helpless in the face of such unprovoked Russian aggression and the UK’s mean spirited attitude to refugees is even more embarrassing. The Little Englanders seem to think that these people actually want to come here? They don’t, and the few that do will undoubtedly return to their homeland just as soon as they safely can. Poland and the rest of the EU are putting the UK to shame! But honestly, what can we expect when so many of our MPs are funded with Russian money?a sign at Tilly Tearoom, Tillicoultry

Size doesn’t matter

Anyway, we also experienced the best of humanity in another area completely. Yes, in this place, Tilly Tearoom. If we had decided to do both of these tearooms we should probably have started with this one , however, given that we didn’t know that either existed you will just have to put up with them in the wrong order. This place is obviously similar to Another Tilly Tearoom but is even smaller. There’s nothing fancy, just simple food served by friendly, enthusiastic staff.Internal view of Tilly Tearoom, Tillicoultry

A delight

Laura was looking after us and she represented humanity at its best … young, pretty, enthusiastic and oozing kindness. I had to ask her what colour her hair was because I couldn’t quite place it. Pointing at her head, she said “my original colour, or this?” I said ‘this“, to which she replied “well, I’m actually blonde but I had too much time on my hands during Covid so this is Flamingo Pink“. Of course it was. Her eyelashes were so long, one careless flutter could have blown the froth off our coffees! She was a delight!

After some lunch she offered us a plain scone but “there’s one banoffee (banana and toffee) scone left if you would like that?” A scone at Tilly Tearoom, TillicoultryWe were sharing … I wanted the banoffee but Pat wanted plain. So plain it was … it’s good to know your place! It came with generous portions of jam and cream. Once again Pat had the top half and I had the bottom. It was lovely and we didn’t hesitate to award a topscone. In 2019, the Tilly Tearoom won an award as the Most Welcoming Café of the Year and we can easily understand why. When we were leaving we told Laura that the scone was the best we had had since we were at Another Tilly tearoom. She promptly asked “which was best?“, oh gosh, talk about being put on the spot?

Daring do
External view of Tilly Tearoom, Tillicoultry
Tilly tearoom with the Ochil hills in the distance

Every time I’m in Tillycoultry I think back to the the Great Tin Tray Championships of 1967. A small group of us climbed the grassy slopes of the Ochil hills that provide a backdrop to the town. We were all carrying tin beer trays. Mine was a black and gold Guinness tray, built for speed. The idea was to see who would be fastest to the bottom while sitting on the tray. Suffice to say that this side of the Ochil hills is entirely friction free. We were back at the bottom in seconds having experienced a completely uncontrolled hair raising ride. No idea who won but we all survived. Those were the days!

Make tae not war sign at Tilly Tearoom, Tillicoultry
This sign in the Tilly Tearoom makes perfect sense

 

The pictures of Mad Vlad sitting at one end of a table  with his generals sitting about half a mile away at the the other end, speaks volumes. He is unhinged to put it politely. But, with a fair wind, this should be the end for Putin!

It’s easy to feel pessimistic with everything going on in Ukraine so it seems slightly absurd to be talking about scones in such circumstances.  However, as long as we have people like Volodymyr Zelenskyy and she of the Flamingo Pink hair in Tilly tearoom, there’s hope.

FK13 6DP    tel: 01259 752642.     Tilly Tearoom

///weary.evidently.cocoons

ps: as we were leaving a small boy was tucking into the one and only banoffee scone. Annoyingly, he looked as if he was really enjoying it!

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics