Today we are at Delivino in Auchterarder but normally you would find us at its sister restaurant, Canada Wood. It’s only a short walk from our house. They also have the original Delivino in Crieff which opened in 2006. It’s always a good sign when you see restaurants like this expanding. Usually, it means they’re getting things right.
We like Canada Wood and have reviewed it three times but so far a topscone has eluded them. This Auchterarder venture opened in 2014 so maybe they would be better here? Their blurb says they “champion the sound food philosophy of Spain, Italy and southern France” … no mention of scones? However, they do have a lovely selection of wines from all of these countries.
Wonky Scottish weather
You know you are in Auchterarder, home of Gleneagles Hotel, when you look down the street and every second parked car is a Range Rover, many with horse boxes attached. At Delivino we were welcomed in out of the rain which, so far, had been making the day very Scottish. Having said that the weather for November, has been unusually mild. Not quite t-shirt weather but definitely unseasonably warm. COP27 in Egypt is supposed to restore our weather to it its normal Scottishishness but so far all we have heard is the usual platitudes they trotted out last year at COP26 in Glasgow. In the meantime it looks like Scotland, for the foreseeable future, might become more Mediterraneanish. “Taps aff”, all year?
After an absolutely delicious lunch we had ordered a fruit scone to share. It came with two plates. Always good when you don’t have to ask for another plate when you are sharing. Cream, however, wasn’t and option and the jam was English and the butter was Irish?? We won’t bore you with our comments about that, you already know! The scone itself was actually very good but considering everything else, it definitely fell short of a topscone.
Records broken left right and centre
We are now on our third Prime Minister this year! They should fit No10 with a revolving door! Hopes were high that it would be third time lucky but no. This government is proving to be just as chaotic as the previous ones. In a previous post from the Cross Keys in Kelso we said Suella Braverman was the shortest serving Home Secretary ever. She managed to get sacked for security breaches after just 43 days. That claim has since been overtaken by Grant Schapps who managed only six days before being replaced by, you’ll never guess … Suella Braverman. In the past week she has managed to make over three thousand immigrants vanish into tin air from the Manston processing centre. What a woman!
Gavin Williamson lasted almost two weeks as Minister without Portfolio (is that really a job?). He had already been sacked by both Boris Johnson and Theresa May. Liz Truss would probably have hired him and sacked him as well if she had held her post as PM long enough. In spite of sacking him, Boris gave Gavin a knighthood … brilliant! And the former Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, is now in the Australian jungle munching witchetty grubs … business as usual at Westminster then!
Topnotch
Okay the scone at Delivino wasn’t quite topnotch but everything else was. We are looking forward to visiting the Crieff venue in the not too distant future.
As you know we have a network of correspondents, both here and abroad, who selflessly contribute to the psychobabble that we try to pass off as relatively sensible comment. This post involves more correspondents than usual. Our appreciation is boundless. The Laird was the one whole tipped us off about the subject of this post, Polly’s Pantry in Aberdona. He did mention it wasn’t that easy to find and he wasn’t wrong!
But first, since we have just dispatched Halloween for another year, we thought you might be interested in a photograph our London SW correspondent sent. It’s of pumpkin scones. Never come across these before and other than the the photo, there was no more info.
If any readers has tasted these devilish scones please let us know. We can’t imagine that they would be much good but what do we know?
Dirt track
We have frequently passed the road sign for Aberdona when we hurtle past on the way to places like Dunfermline and wondered if Aberdona was like a small version of Aberdeen. The Laird’s tip-off gave us an excuse to find out what it’s actually like. The side road very quickly lets you know that it’s not going to be at all like Aberdeen, in fact Aberdona consists entirely of two houses and this old farm steading that houses Polly’s Pantry. Anyway, the last bit of road was just a dirt track but no matter, we were here … huragh!
When we got inside, it was very quiet which meant we were able to get a table right next to one of the large windows. However, by the time we left it was very busy indeed. It’s only been going about eighteen months and what the young owners have achieved in that time is quite remarkable for somewhere that’s not exactly on the main drag.
View from our table with the Ochil Hills just visible above the autumn tinged trees
Caroline was looking after us and she was a delight. Within no time at all she had provided us with everything we wanted including a scone to share. It turned out that the scones were sourced from Vera’s Artisan Bakery in Stirling. The scone itself was good but, unfortunately, not up to topscone standard. It wasn’t helped either by the fact that the jam was from America, the butter from Ireland and the cream was from Cornwall. You all know what we think of that when there is so much fantastic local produce around. We did enjoy our visit to Polly’s, we will be back.
Wild Wimmin
Now you would think that a place the size of Aberdona would not court much in the way of controversy. Well think again! There’s a small loch in Aberdona that a group called Wild Wimmin Swimmin have been using in their leisure time. Now, however, the local landowner has put up notices banning such activity. Legally he cannot do this in Scotland because everyone has the “right to roam”, enshrined in the Land Reform (Scotland) Act of 2005. Having made the Wild Wimmin even wilder the landowner has wisely agreed to talks which will hopefully resolve the issue amicably. Fingers crossed!
The Joy of Little Things
Lately we, along with everyone else, have been perplexed by the antics of our politicians. It seems to us that they are all possessed by naked ambition and delusional self importance . We couldn’t figure out what the problem was until our Utah correspondents mailed us a poetry book by Robert Service. Service was a English/Scots/Canadian who lived much of his life in France. He was commonly known as the Bard of the Yukon. In the book there is a poem “The Joy of Little Things”.
That’s what these politicians are all missing … the joy of little things. The sense of perspective that little things give you. Scones are little things!
After buying some charcoal sourdough bread (it’s jet black all the way through … argh!) we left and headed off towards Stirling. Not that far down the road we stopped again at Muircot Farm Shop that we reviewed three years ago. Bought some expensive but delicious oatcakes from a Kirkaldy bakery then headed back home. Lastly, our Co Durham correspondents sent this picture of their scones from Whitby. No more information but they look good.
Huge thanks, as always, goes to all our correspondents we love hearing from you.
This scone has strongly connections to Robert Burns, Scotland’s national poet, and one of his poems in particular. With the current political Sunak/Braverman furore you would be forgiven for thinking the poem would be “Such A Parcel Of Roques In A Nation“. In that poem Burns railed against the aristocrats who in 1707 treacherously relinquished the Scottish Parliament and passed all powers to England. No, no, no, this scone is from Clarinda’s Tearoom in Edinburgh and it’s about an altogether different kind of poem … a love poem. We feel, however, that a little background is required before we get on to the all important scones. Bear with us!
Sense and nonsense
Robert Burns famously loved the lassies but he was particularly besotted by one, Agnes Maclehose, in particular. However, she was already married, unhappily married but married nevertheless. Her husband had long since left her and gone off to Jamaica. The relationship between Agnes and Robert, though intense, remained platonic throughout. They conducted their romance through letters and exchanges of poetry and to keep their correspondence confidential they adopted pseudonyms … her’s ‘Clarinda’ and his ‘Sylvander’. Sir Walter Scott referred to the resulting love letters as “the most extraordinary mixture of sense and nonsense, and of love human and divine, that was ever exposed to the eye of the world.” Didn’t they write beautifully back in the day!
Clarinda and Burns
In December 1791 Agnes decided to sail to Jamaica to try and salvage her marriage. Just before she left Burns penned “Ae Fond Kiss“, a beautiful poem of love and yearning. She arrived in Jamaica only to find that her husband had already started another family with another woman. What are men like?? Never mind, how devastating that experience must have been for Agnes! Broken hearted she returned on the same ship on which she had arrived. She and Robert met once more before he died aged just 37. She never remarried and died in 1841 aged 82.
Queues
In spite of there being several other cafes in the vicinity we had to queue to get into Clarinda’s. Was this a good sign? The last time we had to queue was at the Elephant House, not far from here. It was where the Harry Potter books were written. Have you realised that the word ‘queue’ is just a letter with four silent letters waiting in line? This queue was formed mainly of tourists so Clarinda’s is obviously well known, either for the associated story of romance or the quality of its scones … or maybe both … exciting!
It is a tiny place and there were six in our party so not easy to get a table big enough. No problem they soon had us seated and ready for our scones. The only way to describe Clarinda’s Tearoom is ‘chintzy’. Lace table clothes, loads of pictures and plates hanging on the walls.
Obviously, with a queue outside, there was no let up for the staff. They were lovely, however, and treated everyone as if they were the first customers of the day. We had a scone each and thoroughly enjoyed them. They came with generous pots of jam and cream and a couple of large teapots of tea to go with their eclectic mix of chinaware. Perhaps not the best topscone but we enjoyed Clarinda’s so a topscone nevertheless. No doubt the queue, which was still outside, was delighted to see the six of us leave.
The above picture was taken from near Clarinda’s Tearoom. You can just about see the top of the Burns Memorial, slightly to the left of the obelisk in the middle. It gazes down on Canongate Churchyard where Clarinda is buried. The romance continues!
Heinous crimes
The obelisk, by the way, is the Political Martyrs Monument. It commemorates five men who campaigned for parliamentary reform and universal suffrage in 1773. Their crime was consider so heinous they were given an equally heinous sentence … transportation to New South Wales! Don’t people pay for that nowadays?
You know how it is … you drive past a place on a regular basis and every time you do you think “I wonder what that place does?” but you never actually make the effort to find out. That’s how it was with this place, Forth Valley Sensory Centre. Barely half a mile from where we live yet it was a complete mystery. The name, of course, kind of suggests help for those with impaired senses but it doesn’t give that much away. Today we decided to find out what it was all about.From the main road you don’t see that much of it but it’s actually quite big and very modern. And to top off our surprises, it has a cafe, Cafe Tiki … excellent!
Wellbeing
The Centre provides services for those who are deaf or hard of hearing as well as those who are blind or partially sighted. It also seems to provide services across a huge area including Clackmannanshire and Stirling. It has over 30 groups, classes and activities to improve the wellbeing of folks with compromised sensory conditions. They’ve even got a Sensory Garden but the weather today meant it wasn’t a day for exploring that. Technically there is nothing wrong with our senses. We know that many of you might disagree with that but we did wonder, in these circumstances, what sort of reception we would get. No problem, we were welcomed with open arms. Under interrogation though we did confess to an excessive-fondness for scones. And that’s when they directed us their scone treatment centre … Cafe Tiki.
It was mid afternoon and it was about to close so we had the whole place to ourselves. We were looked after by a very friendly lady (she was from Glasgow so, of course, she was friendly) who informed us that there was only one single scone left. “That’ll do” we said “we’ll share it“. She disappeared behind a screen and before you could say Jack Flash she was back with the scone. It was already divided into two and loaded with jam and cream … argh! Not to worry, the intention was good. And it wasn’t as if she could give us another one.
Cooking blind
We sat at a table adjacent to the counter and our lady proceeded to chat to us the whole time we were there. She informed us that one of their chefs is deaf and completely blind. Can’t really imagine that! We were quite enjoying our scone but she said that someone else baked them. This was not a topscone by quite a way but we really enjoyed being here and finding out about all these valuable services.
During the course of our cafe chat we did at least learn how to ask for the essential accoutriments for a scone in sign language.
Prime Ministers in record numbers
Perhaps, since this is a sensory centre we should have mentioned our rather painful sensitivity to recent political news. Could they desensitise us? Too late, the news has just come in that Rishi Sunak is to be the next British PM. There have been 58 British Prime Ministers … three of them have been in the last seven weeks. At this rate we might even reach 100 by the 2024 General Election.
Of course, Rishi is merely leader of the Conservative Party at the moment. In true British obfuscatory style, there’s only one man in Britain that can appoint a new PM. That’s King Charles III and Sunak will be his first. In her 70 years on the throne the Queen had 15 Prime Ministers but, unbelievably, the way things are going, Charles could beat that record. Unless Keir Starmer can nobble the King, or Liz refuses to come out of the cupboard under No10’s stairs, Rishi should be PM by tomorrow. He will be the 10th conservative PM in a row that Scotland hasn’t voted for… isn’t that great!
Perhaps the value of the Sensory Centre is best summed up by one of the volunteers “it gets me out of the house and allows the person that I am picking up to get out as well. When they turn around to me and say they’ve had a great day, it makes my day knowing I have helped”.
Since we are here at the Cross Keys Hotel in Kelso, we thought we should talk about keys. Have you ever wondered why so many pubs and hotels are called the Cross Keys? Well, apparently it’s all to do with the keys to the kingdom of Heaven and crossed keys were the emblem of St Peter. Doubtless, for many of the customers of these places, it would feel like the closest to heaven they would ever get. Though why Heaven should need keys in the first place raises all sorts of other questions. But one thing is for certain! Whoever receives the keys to No 10 Downing Street in the next few days will be receiving the keys to Hell. Not sure why Hell would actually need keys either but you catch our drift.
Someone let Liz out of the cupboard under the stairs and that signalled the end of her 44 day reign as Prime Minister. The shortest tenure in history for any British PM. It came as no surprise to anyone and many would say it wasn’t short enough. We know the brand new Chancellor, who has been in post for just a little more than a week has the keys to No 11 but no idea who will have them next week.
All this follows Suella Braverman’s resignation. You’ll remember Suella was the only woman on earth who could make Priti Patel seem warm and cuddly. Anyway, at 43 days she became the shortest ever serving Home Secretary. Realising that Liz’s government was in terminal decline she actually manufactured her own sacking. What a mess! “You couldn’t make it up“, is no longer merely a flippant remark. To make matters worse Boris Johnson is threatening a glorious return. Boris won’t need keys! In true Boris style he undoubtedly had copies made before he left Downing Street in the full and certain knowledge (in his own delusional head) that he would be back.
Lucky dip
We think they should just take all the keys and put them in a hat for a lucky dip. Since things couldn’t get any worse It would seem only fair that, the now famous iceberg lettuce that outlasted Liz, is allowed a go at the lucky dip as well.
Take it or leave it
Anyway we mustn’t go on about about this too much … or should we? No, let’s get on to matters of more substance …. scones. We arrived at the impressive Italianate Cross Keys Hotel quite late in the day. Guess what, they were sold out of all scones except white chocolate. Not exactly what we would have chosen however white chocolate it had to be. Kelso has survived remarkably well through the ages in spite of continuous wars with England. The hotel was the resting place for pilgrims coming to the Abbey so it suffered badly in 1545 during the “Rough Wooing” when the English blew it up. Subsequently the hotel became a coaching inn that ran services to Newcastle and Edinburgh three times a week.
View of The Square from the Cross Keys
The white chocolate scones were surprisingly nice, we were very pleasantly surprised. Not topscones in the style of Schloss Roxburghe but enjoyable nevertheless. By the time you get our next scone report we will have a new leader and maybe even an entirely new government team. Fingers crossed for the lettuce!
When we booked into Schloss Roxburghe the idea was that it would allow us to explore part of Scotland that we did not know at all well. And guess where we’ve ended up … in ENGLAND!! No idea how we got here to the Terrace Cafe in Wooler but presumably, in the course of negotiating all these little picturesque country lanes, we crossed the border without realising. Imagine how difficult the border is going to be when Scotland gains its independence and there are armed guards everywhere! At least the Romans built walls to dissuade folks from coming too far north but now there isn’t even a signpost?
Tit for tat
This part of the UK, however, is well used to incursions in both directions and not all of them unintentional. Back in 1595, the Scottish Laird of Cessford, Andrew Kerr, raided Wooler and took all the parson’s sheep. The parson was in London at the time. Because the local constabulary seemed reluctant to help, he mounted his own retaliatory raids on Cessford’s sheep. It all got a little out of hand and on one raid Cessford’s men ended up murdering two Wooler men as well as a third from nearby. The parson fled but the family of the third man raided north and ended up killing Cessford’s shepherd. This sort of jolly cut and thrust pretty well sums up the relationship between England and Scotland since the beginning of time … but more of that later.
In the 12th century Wooler was described as “situated in an ill-cultivated country under the influence of vast mountains, from whence it is subject to impetuous rains.” These ‘vast mountains’ seem more like lovely rolling hills to us and the village itself is pretty with lots of cafes and antique shops. All the tables on the terrace at the Terrace Cafe were taken so we went inside. A nice warm welcome even though the lady seemed to be on her own and looking after everything.
Because we overindulged earlier on a somewhat abundant breakfast we decided that a coffee and a scone to share would be quite sufficient. It came with jam and the usual Rodda’s clotted cream. The accompanying Clumsy Goat Coffee was definitely a new one on us. It was all very welcome and really quite nice but some distance away from a topscone. Wooler is definitely worth a visit but don’t ask us how to get there.
Tragedy
Afterwards, we spent a very pleasant afternoon wandering round the village before making a move back to Scotland. We took a different route back and quite unexpectedly came on the site of the Battle of Flodden. It took place in 1513. Earlier we were describing light heartedly the cross border raids that have been going on for centuries however this one was pretty serious.
The Flodden monument erected in 1910 inscribed TO THE DEAD OF BOTH NATIONS
Casualties were huge. It ended with the death of 10,000 Scots including Scotland’s king and 5,000 Englishmen. Tragic from any point of view.
At the foot of the hill in Branxton village we found the smallest visitor centre in the world. It was located in a Glasgow built K6 phone box.
It was an interesting and thought provoking day. However, once we returned to be mollycoddled with local beers and cocktails at Schloss Roxburgh we completely forgot all about it. Now we know why toffs never seem to have a conscience.
ps: Liz Truss has been released from the cupboard under the stairs. Fortified by her scone we gifted her, she is now promising to lead the Conservatives into the next General Election. Yeah, right … not on Planet Reality, Liz!
This post heralds a scone which could rival Fonab Castle for the best scone in the world award. It’s here at Schloss Roxburghe … isn’t that exciting! However, maybe not as exciting as the state of British politics at the moment. So let’s get that out of the way first.
Entrance hall
Walking the plank
A lot has happened since our previous post from Alfies. The country has been brought to its knees by the current clueless resident in No 10. Meanwhile in No 11, Kami Kwasi Kwarteng has fulfilled his destiny even earlier than expected. News of the sacking of our third Chancellor in as many months, for some reason, got us pondering about walking the plank. When you think about it, what a weird procedure that was!
The 14th tee on the championship golf course with the Roxburgh viaduct and the River Teviot
A bit like Kwasi, the luckless man is not simply thrown overboard … that would be too kind.. Rather it is turned into some sort of macabre ceremony where he is specially flown back from the US to find he no longer has the keys to No 11, the home he and his family have only just moved into. Mind you, ever since he got the job of doing Liz Truss’s bidding he must have known he would run out of plank quite quickly. He has been replaced by Philip Hammond, who is actually the new de facto Prime Minister. Liz is being kept in a locked cupboard under the stairs at No 10. Two short planks are being selected for her as we speak. Actually they will require a small forest to provide enough planks for all those Conservatives who voted her into power in the first place!
Efficiency
Who needs an iPhone 14 when you can have one of these?
We are constantly impressed by the way Prime Ministers and Chancellors move into and out of Downing Street. These days they must ask themselves if it is actually worthwhile sitting down. It’s almost magical the way the furniture removal business works in Downing Street. It seems to flow seamlessly … at least something in the UK still works the way it should! But that’s enough about all this nonsense, you all just want to know about Schloss scones, don’t you? By the way, it is owned by a German company these days and that’s the only explanation we can give for the name. They are currently adding another 58 rooms, an outdoor swimming pool and spa as well as building 50 rental cottages in the grounds. No shortage of business here!
The Age of Reason
If you ever fancy staying in a Schloss we can thoroughly recommend Schloss Roxburghe. Simply remortgaging your home will just about cover the costs.
Duke of Roxburghe
It used to be the home of the Duke of Roxburghe but he must have felt a bit cramped. He moved to nearby Floors Castle which has 7,000 rooms. Imagine cleaning that lot every day? This place, however, dates back to the 12th century when it was known as Sunlaws. They still have a Sunlaws restaurant. In1745, Bonnie Prince Charlie stayed the night as the guest of Lady Chatto before he set off into England with his army in a bid to regain the throne for his dad. The 18th century was known as the Enlightenment or the Age of Reason … we wonder how historians will label the present day … the Age Without Reason? Anyway, back then, for one night this place was host to one of Europe’s most romantic historical figures … and now, equally romantic, the scone hunters are here!
A drawing room
Relentless
This is the sort of place where your expectations are raised when you are quarter of a mile down the driveway and you still can’t see where you are to be staying. Arrival doesn’t disappoint either with a warm welcome at reception. There are open log fires in almost all the public rooms. After our long drive we were very ready for a scone. From the venues offered we chose the drawing room and settled into a lovely bay window seat. Our scones were beautifully warm and wrapped in linen napkins to keep them that way … fab!
Like we said at the beginning these scones could rival our gold standard at Fonab Castle. They were super crunchy on the outside – you almost had to crack them open like a boiled egg. The centres were wonderfully soft and fluffy. There was a plain and a fruit one for each of us and it all came complete with generous bowls of clotted cream and jam. The problem now is, we haven’t reviewed Fonab for quite a while so we will have to return to check that they are maintaining standards. Phew, this sconing business is relentless!
Suffice to say that Schloss scones are certainly on a par with Fonab scones until proven otherwise. We might even get them to slip one under the door of Liz’s cupboard, we feel a bit sorry for her … just a wee bit!
Back in 2015 we spent some time at the rather isolated Ardanaiseig Hotel on the southern shores of Loch Awe. As blogging newbies we had one of our formative scone experiences there. Sitting in front of a large open log fire with toasted scones and pots of tea … heaven! Ardanaiseig is owned by Bennie Gray who also owns Alfie’s Antique Market here in Marlebone in the heart of London. It’s where we are today. He called it Alfie’s after his father. Ardanaiseig had lots of quirky features and this place is no different, in fact it’s the very essence of ‘quirky’.
Winter Hag of Death and Darkness
But first, have you ever wondered how Loch Awe came to be there? Wonder no more!
Loch Awe from Ardanaiseig Hotel
There’s a magic well high above Ardanaiseig on Ben Cruachan where a beautiful goddess called Beithir used to bathe every evening. By doing so she preserved her glorious good looks but one night it all went wrong. She forgot to replace the capstone … argh! The well overflowed down the mountainside and formed the loch we know today. As punishment she was banished by the gods, cursed with immortality and transformed into the ancient Winter Hag of Death and Darkness. Her cold hard voice still echoes around the snow filled corries of Ben Cruachan and beyond. The Winter Hag of Death and Darkness is rarely seen but oddly there have been several reported sightings recently. Actually, they’ve all turned out to be Liz Truss, however, you can understand the confusion.
Alfies is housed in an Art Deco building and is spread over four floors. If you are looking for something unusual and quirky to decorate your home, chances are you will find it here. It’s a fascinating place to walk round though a bit confusing with lots of little stairs leading off in all sorts of directions. Jewellery and lighting seem to be a speciality. There’s also an indoor pond full of carp and water lilies. You don’t get that everywhere! Soon, of course, all this perusing takes its toll and sustenance is required.
The cafe is called the Kitchen on the Roof and that’s where we ended up. Lovely to sit out on a beautiful day in October. The only problem was wasps. They were a real nuisance and eventually they drove us indoors.
Huge smiles
We are being looked after by a lady who had the biggest smile imaginable. She was so happy and seemed delighted to be working there. It makes such a difference. Our lunch was fantastic and seemed incredibly good value. Omelette and chips … £4, homebaked scone with jam and cream … £3, pot of tea … £1.60 and so on. Seven years ago we awarded Ardanaiseig Hotel a topscone and although there was no open log fire here we decided that our overall experience was good enough to do the same here. Well done Alfie’s.
Progress?
Spending a day surrounded by beautiful works of art does make you wonder in astonishment at the state of the world today. For all our supposed technological sophistication it seems that the only way to settle arguments is to destroy everything and kill lots of people. This week we discovered that, with the help of DNA sampling, Homo sapiens are indeed related to the Neanderthals. They used the same methods for disputes but surely we should have progressed a wee bit in the intervening 40,000 years. Let’s have another scone!
ps: our Utah correspondents have been in touch. Not to report on scones in Utah (do such things exist?) but to send photos of scones encountered on the North Antrim Cliff Hike in North Ireland. They had already completed the John Muir Way in Scotland.
They said that both these scones were very good however Laragh Lodge definitely came out in first place. Congratulations go to them for completing the hike and for taking time out to send these pics.
First, a word of warning, especially for the faint-hearted. This post covers three different venues many miles apart but does not feature any scones. Yes, not a single scone was harmed in the making of this post. Not that we regard ourselves as ever doing any harm to scones, we simply help them fulfil their glorious destiny. Hence the title – Sconeless in the North. Let us explain how we managed to get through an entire day without our delicious little friends.
Highland Folk Museum
We are still with our coach party and staying in Newtonmore just north of Aviemore. While there we visited the Highland Folk Museum. It’s a fabulous place where they try and recreate what life was like in the Highlands a century or so ago. It’s been done by rescuing old buildings and transporting them to this site where they get a new lease of life.
Knockbain school originally a few miles west of Inverness
It’s spread over a very large area and after a while I wasn’t feeling my best and the weather wasn’t the best either so I excused myself and thought I would just wait for Pat and the others in the cafe. I wasn’t actually thinking about a scone because, obviously, I can’t review them without my beloved. It did, however, give rise to a rather traumatic scone experience. It’s a slightly long winded explanation but bear with me.
Write it down
There was a relatively short queue at the cafe but it was moving very slowly. The reason became obvious when it eventually came to my turn. Only a young lad and a lass were looking after everything. They, pretty obviously, were not happy, He was front of house and she seemed occupied with something at the back. I said “ a black americano and a scone, please“. it would have taken all of thirty seconds to pour me a cup of coffee and hand me one of the scones that were right in front of me, but no.
I was still there a couple of minutes later as the exact details of my request were written down longhand on a fresh pad of paper. “Did I want milk?” No, no need in a black americano … he wrote it down nevertheless, “did I want sugar … did I want butter? and so it went on.
Takeaway
Eventually it came time to pay. At this point he said “it’s takeaway only now, we’re closing“. Nothing of this had been mentioned to the previous customer so I asked when they closed. “3.45” was the answer. “but It’s only 3 o’clock“, I said, to which the answer was “we’re short staffed.” I was flabbergasted, the prospect of carrying my coffee and scone outside to the wind and rain didn’t appeal so I left empty handed. In hindsight, I could have explained that I was on an educational mission for people all over the world but I don’t think it would have made the slightest difference.
After a while outside enduring the worst of the effects of the fresh air I thought I would return to the cafe for shelter until Pat and the others returned. To my great surprise almost every table was taken. Okay, everyone had takeaway cups but what was going on? When I asked the young chap he said “They are supposed to go outside but nobody listens they just take their stuff and sit at a table“. With that, the girl from the back appeared and said “We’re doing our best butnobody listens to us” and promptly burst into tears. Goodness, I have really no idea what was going on here but it was pretty obvious that these kids needed a lot of help, training and better systems. Maybe even counselling? So that was non-scone number one.
Fort George
We soldiered on. Fort George was another impressive stop on our outing. It sits on a promontory jutting out into the Moray Firth and the scale of the place is phenomenal. The British government must have been feeling very insecure just after the Battle of Culloden in 1746. Goodness knows how many millions were spent building this place over a twenty year period. Continuing unrest in Scotland over the 1707 Act of Union and the ever present perceived threat from France were responsible. Ironically, by the time it was completed much of the threat had dissipated.
There were actually soldiers with submachine guns at the patrolling the place, so someone had clearly tipped them off that we were coming. If you look at the title picture you can see a white sentry box on the right under a red flag. A submachine gunned sentry still has to stand in that all day. The only thing he is liable to see is dolphins and we’re not aware that they are an actual threat.
Some of the Falkirk made canons on the ramparts
Pat and I decided to walk the whole of the perimeter ramparts. It takes quite a while and then, if we had time, visit the cafe.
The Chapel
Eventually we also visited the chapel, chatted to some American tourists and ended up pushed for time at the cafe. No matter, it was sconeless anyway. Non-scone number two.
Lovely ladies
After Fort George it was back on the bus and only a very short hop to the village hall in Ardersier where lunch was waiting. Ardersier is where the villagers of Blacktown were resettled after their village had to be removed in order to build Fort George. Some lovely local ladies provided a great lunch but still no scones. Non-scone number three.
A special place in scone history
After that we were finished with the north and headed back south to Dunkeld where we were due to visit the local Museum. It was late in the day when we got there and unfortunately we had to walk from where the bus was parked to the Museum past Palmerstons Coffee Shop …argh! This was the venue of our very first scone post on this blog back in March 2015. We couldn’t just pass it by?
You will all remember distinctly that in that post all these years ago we explained that this place was winner in that year’s World Jam Championships. Apparently the lady who was running it then doesn’t take too much to do with the Coffee Shop any more … she’s next door … in the Jam Shop! So here was non-scone number four. We were too late, all the scones had gone. Time for home.
Bus trips are like some sort of alternative reality. You are cocooned with a particular group of people all pursuing the same sort of thing. You are isolated from the actual reality of a world gone completely mad. Hopefully it will all have sorted itself out by the time we get back.
We survived this traumatic day mainly due to this lot … the singing was dreadful 😁. Many thanks to Falkirk Local History Society for organising a very memorable trip.
ps: for telephone box aficionados, this was taken in Fort George.
Two K6s on the left were made in the Saracen foundry in Glasgow. The post box and other K6 were made in Falkirk.
pps: I have written to Highland Council over my concerns for the kids in the cafe at the Folk Museum. Will let you know if I ever hear anything back from them.
Everyone should have a river running through their garden, don’t you think? The Duke of Atholl has 145,000 acres so he probably has several. To join the aristocracy you need do nothing more than be in the right place at the right time, then monarchy can shower you with all sorts of gifts … like large parts of Scotland. Mind you the 1st Duke of Atholl seems to have been a sensible sort of chap. He opposed the Act of Union in 1707 and, for daring to have an opinion, was promptly placed under house arrest. However, if you are going to be placed under house arrest there are definately worse places than Blair Castle … it’s more “castle arrest’ really.
The ballroom … everyone should have at least one of these
Much has happened since our previous post from Hickety Pickety Tearoom. Most momentous was the Queen’s death. She did a great job of bring up a family and saying absolutely nothing while under the microscope of the world’s media. And it was fitting that she died at Balmoral, where she was actually happy.
Intimidation
An antler corridor
Her funeral went on interminably. Even the food banks had to close. If the principal aim of monarchy is to intimidate then this certainly worked. The greatest display of white male privilege ever witnessed by mankind. There wasn’t a single world leader there who thought that they were going to get anything remotely like this as a send off. Britain does it again with an incredible show of nonsensical pomp. But who, in this day and age are we trying to intimidate?
Will we, won’t we?
With King Charles III ascending the throne surely now is the time for countries like Canada and Australia to realise that they need one of their own to be Head of State. Okay, Canada likes monarchy to differentiate it from their rather common cousins to the south, but still, your all grown up now, Perhaps, like Denmark has just done, all Royal children should be stripped off their titles so that they can actually lead normal lives like the rest of us? However, the big question is, will Scotland give the Stone of Destiny back so that Charles can be crowned? Maybe not a BIG question but a question nevertheless.
a drawing room
Goodness, you can’t turn your back for a minute, we have a new government as well. Not so much a ‘new’ government, just a continuation of the old one but worse. Don’t think anyone thought that was even possible! Liz Truss, thrashing around, making it up as she goes along, hoping she can last to the next General Election and plunging the country into its worst economic crisis for almost fifty years. Brilliant! Bring back Boris …. joke!
Private army
This is how I feel after a good scone.
But enough of this nonsense, did they have scones at Blair Castle? Well, yes they did! We are actually taking part in our first ever coach trip . woohoo with the Falkirk Local History Society and this was our first stop before heading further north. Going round the castle is a bit like being in IKEA … it’s a one way system. And just as well. It would be very easy to get lost otherwise. The current Duke of Atholl got fed up getting lost so he now lives in South Africa. He still has his own private army here in Scotland … the Atholl Highlanders … isn’t it great!
Locusts
There was also the alternative of going round the rather splendiferous gardens. The Hercules Garden is lovely … everyone should have one of these as well, but we concentrated on the castle. At the end we all met up again and descends on the restaurant like the proverbial locusts. Scones were laid out on tiered plates for all …. yeah! You can probably imagine that the sudden influx of more than fifty people at one time might create a few problems … and it did. Nothing too serious though and we were all soon kitted out with everything we needed. They were very fresh and crumbly and although we did swither on topscone status, they eventually just missed the cut. A good time was had by all so what does it matter? Definitely worth a visit … especially if you want to see all the things you don’t have
Aristocracy is also all about intimidation of lesser mortals so this entrance hall may have been a reminder to guests that they had better behave.
After an absolutely delicious lunch we had ordered a fruit scone to share. It came with two plates. Always good when you don’t have to ask for another plate when you are sharing. Cream, however, wasn’t and option and the jam was English and the butter was Irish?? We won’t bore you with our comments about that, you already know! The scone itself was actually very good but considering everything else, it definitely fell short of a topscone.
