Fernie Castle has been around since the middle of the 14th century and has had a pretty chequered history through the years. In 1715 it was even forfeited for its support of Bonnie Prince Charlie in the Jacobite Rebellion. Since 1960, however, it has been a hotel and we’re here for afternoon tea.
First impressions are impressive. A beautiful building surrounded by acres of beautiful grounds. What’s not to like? Well, the owner for a start. In his tartan trews and coiffured accent he bore all the hallmarks of someone who could barely stand the fact that he had to admit riff riff like us into his stately abode. We had just come from another stay at Rufflets (the subject of a previous post) so we knew what a good hotel looks like. Fernie didn’t look like one! There were all sorts of things wrong … understaffed and just a bit grubby for starters. What would our afternoon tea be like?
Broken teeth
We didn’t have long to wait. It was plonked in front of us along with our tea and bubbles. 
The sandwiches were actually quite good but the scones tasted like they been freshly baked for the Bonnie Prince back in 1745. More akin to a museum exhibit rather than something we were supposed to eat. Between us we ate half of one scone and none of the rather sweaty looking cakes. In our time, as you know, we have eaten some pretty dodgy scones but these ones took the biscuit. We could have broken our teeth on them! This was as far away from a topscone as it’s possible to get.
Not a clue
Presumably all the original artworks had been sold off over time and they had been replaced with rather shoddy looking replacements. Everything just looked tired. As if it was being run by someone who had neither the money or the ability to run a successful hotel. Pity, because it’s a great place with loads of potential. 
The Green Lady
No castle worth its salt would be without its own ghost and Fernie Castle is no exception. A young girl whose father disapproved of her lover saught refuge in the west tower. She fell from a top floor window to her death. Her ghost, known as the ‘Green Lady’ has been seen wandering through the bedrooms. We think, however, that she had just partaken of an afternoon tea and had simply lost the will to live.
The curse
In the nearby village of Letham there have been several sightings of a “big black cat”. Not your ordinary overfed domestic moggie but a full sized panther type creature. They are supposed to be lucky but in some parts of the world a black cat walking across in front of you is deemed unlucky. Never mind, you can reverse the curse. First walk in a circle, then walk backwards across the place it happened, count to 13 and chant a charm or line from the Bible. That should do the trick! See, you thought this blog was just about trivia and scones, you never realised it had useful stuff as well.
Curses curses!
Oh dear, our beloved Secretary of State for Health and Social Care (who would have his job), Matt Hancock, has fallen foul of that age old curse, the office romance. He’s a bit of an Adonis after all? And he seems to have fallen for millionaire mum, Gina Coladangelo thus displaying to same judgement he has exercised during COVID. His job might be on a shaky peg but Boris, given his record, would have a bit a nerve sacking someone for such a dalliance.
KY15 7RU. tel: 01337 810 381 Fernie
I think I can honestly say that this was the worst afternoon tea we’ve ever had. Even the cakes were bought in, the scones were probably shop bought too. Oh well we can’t have good ones all the time. Fingers crossed that we get a good one next time.
I think Hancock may have time now, for the world of scones.
Just saying!
“More time with the scones” makes a nice change from “more time with the family”.
Just heard Hancock has resigned….. can you blame him! I think of pots and kettles …… but will he have his revenge? Glad you are on your travels again but be gentle with all these hoteliers ….. it’s been tough times for them!
Yes, overtaken by events Charrl and I have been as gentle as I can be with this particular hotelier.