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A Ton Of Scones

Motorcyclists often refer to ‘doing a ton’, meaning 100mph, so this post is the scone equivalent. Not reviewing a particular scone but rather 100 scones; a ton of scones .. as a pie. Our last post from Liberty was our 100th so we thought it was time for some analysis. Bearing in mind our limited mathematical dexterity, 100 makes it easy to work out percentages. Our first post was Palmerston’s in Dunkeld almost exactly one year ago which works out at almost one scone every 4 days. How’s that for dedication, and amazingly, we are just as sylph-like as ever .. or at least Pat is.Pie chart illustrating anaysis of 100 scones

The Results:

  • 75% gained no accolade or categorisation other than they were just fairly ordinary or self service scones. That does not make them bad. In fact many of them were very good, but not good enough for an award. Notably the Biscuit and the Bingham Hotel just missed out on a topscone award.
     a sign at the Wee Blether, Kinlochard
    Wee Blether

    Annoyingly the Corinthian had superb scones but abysmal service, otherwise it would have had a topscone award. 1% of this category, the Buckhaven scone, wasn’t even a scone. Some, like the Wee Blether were just great fun.

  • 21% gained a topscone award. We think this is rather good but like the ordinary scones not all were equal. If we were to select our top three topscones it would be Fonab Castle, the Olympic Studios and the Dormy.
     a scone at Ardanaiseig Hotel
    Ardanaiseig

    The other 18 topscones were all excellent but not quite as good as these three. Some locations like Ackergill Tower and Ardanaiseig  were fabulous. Our most expensive scone was undoubtedly Claridges but what an experience!

  • 1% was classed as ‘foreign’. The Duke was based on information from our Iberian correspondent.
  • 2% was classed as ‘homemade’ … made by friends and not sold commercially. One, Dan’s was so good it got a topscone. The other was on Nicola Sturgeon making scones but we didn’t taste them so couldn’t give them an award, though we are sure they would have been first class.
  • 4% were classed as ‘weird’. This did not mean they were in any way bad. They were just weird. The ‘thunder and lightning’ scone at Mother Murphy’s was memorable as was the ‘bacon and cheese’ scone at Habitat.
  • 22% were self service scones. In itself this did not make them bad but none of them made topscone This was partly because it is about the whole experience and waiting in a queue is never as good as being waited on.
  • 8% were island scones … The Puffer on Easdale being the best.

    ERxternal view of the Puffer, Easdale
    The Puffer
  • 11% were English scones. Difficult to say if English scones are better than Scottish, they certainly have some odd ideas about the prioritisation of jam and cream. Might need further investigation.

A Dash of Politics: Our rants have probably got progressively more and more ranty as the year passed. Sincere apologies to all, but it makes us feel better!

Summary: All in all it has been a wonderfully enjoyable year. There are some places we won’t be rushing back to, either because they were too bad or too expensive. The vast majority, however, we would happily visit again .. which is great! _BIL4531Many thanks to our benefactors who have treated us to the odd scone here and there and thanks to our correspondents who have shared their scone stories with us. Thanks are also due to the places we have visited who, by and large, have enjoyed the reviews and given us lovely feedback. Will there be another ton? We shall see!

Dobbies unvisited

Hope you all had a great time over the holidays and are looking forward to another year of sconology. In fact we thought that the symptoms of scone withdrawal might be reaching fever pitch so have opted for a slightly unusual but quick fix for you. Not based on a visit to some cafe deep in the nether regions of the Scottish countryside but rather on some scones we received as a gift over the festive season. Such are the fringe benefits of being sconeys. Boyle 03

Morello cherry and Port jam

Our benefactors had purchased them at Dobbies Garden Centre in Stirling complete with a range of jams. Don’t worry, we realise that for a full and proper report we actually have to go there. And since we take our responsibilities seriously, we promise to do that before 2016 is out. In the meantime, hopefully this will suffice. I elected to try the cherry scone (family size) and Pat dutifully warmed it in the oven and whipped up some cream to go with it.

With cherry scones however there is that ever-present problem ..  a suitable jam. Strawberry just does not seem right, but, as luck would have it, we had also been gifted a pot of Morello Cherry and Port jam, the perfect accompaniment. In spite of these scones having been in the freezer for several days everything was absolutely delicious. A topscone award however will be reserved until we have actually visited Dobbies.

Awards

Ah yes, awards. We know that many of you will have been shocked, after scouring the New Year Honours lists for our names only to find them absent! This came as a bit of a shock to us as well. The last time we spoke to the Queen (not that long ago) we convinced ourselves that there was a slight nod which seemed to indicated that she was going to see uBoyle 04s alright. If you know what we mean, wink, wink, nudge, nudge! Obviously we mistook the body language. For all we know, even though we did our best to put her at her ease, it might have been a slightly clumsy attempt at a curtsy.

Anyway, as it turns out, it saved us the anguish of deciding whether or not to accept. Given that we would find an OBE or anything else with ’empire’ in it a tad difficult to take. An OGE; Order of the Glasgow Empire is more our style. We did notice that the list consisted of the usual worthy and unworthy individuals. Always good to see people who give selflessly of their own time to helping others less fortunate getting some recognition. However, it also seems slightly galling that people such as politicians and civil servants should get these awards as well. Simply for doing their jobs. Equally so for sports personalities and the usual catalogue of luvvies and thespians. Surely they get enough gongs and awards already?

At least Jon Snow, one of the few principled journalists left in the media had the good judgement to turn his OBE down saying he could not accept awards from those he was paid to investigate. At least he realises that stultifying criticism is what it is all about. Surprised though that BBC Scotland were not in line for some sort of award. They have taken on the mantle of the only effective opposition to the SNP led government at Holyrood.

Now if this all sounds a bit like sour grapes let us assure you that it is exactly that, The benefits of making, presenting and eating scones and the role scones have played in creating this wonderful country needs to be recognised sooner or later. Sooner would be good .. before we both turn into humpty dumpty lookalikes. Many thanks to the wonderful people who gifted these scones … you know who you are. We will be  back on the scone trail very soon, Happy New Year to you all.

ps for those who were unable to find the Buckhaven scone in the last post. It is 4 down and 4 across from the left on the header image.

 

Magnificent 7

Out for breakfast this morning to Cafe Nero, they don’t do scones. Why is it that scones are not acceptable at breakfast? Don’t know but they just aren’t! Anyway this is the Magnificent 7

The debate

News is all about the election broadcast last night between the seven big scones. It kind of ended up as the three ladies socking it to the Wastemonster three with UKipNige throwing wee tantrums in the background. There was Natgreen (sounded like she would like her scones barbecued). LibNick (not sure what to do about scones). UKipNige (only English scones, please).  RedEd (any jam as long as it’s red). YakidaaLeanne (likes Welsh scones). NatNic (makes her own Scottish scones) and of course PoshDave (never had a scone without jam and cream). Anyway it was all quite civilised, UKipNige came close to throwing all his foreign scones out of the pram a couple of times. One very eloquent lady in the audience, Victoria,(haven’t heard the last of her), gave posh Dave a hard time about soldiers sleeping on the street.

Who won? Goodness knows! I am sure the London based press i.e. almost all the press, will declare for PoshDave. However NatNic managed to pull off the amazing feat of increasing her party membership by over 1500 in the course of the debate. Don’t know if any of the others came close to that. Maybe their memberships were going in the opposite direction?

Perhaps predictably The National came out for NatNic and Scottish scones …

The Nationalbut we were really surprised to find The Times agreeing. Mind you I think they ran a completely different story in the English edition. Two faced or what?.

The Times

 

 

 

 

 

Jam and cream

Lord Ashcroft’s latest poll also shows that NatNic and the SNP would win a third of  seats if they stood in England??  Extraordinary times indeed. Anyway off to Englandshire tomorrow to do some scone testing in the deep south. Will UKipNige be right about English scones being the best? Will there be more jam and cream the further south we go? You will, of course be first to hear the findings.