Category Archives: totallyeffinbrilliantscone

Schloss Roxburghe

16 October 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

This post heralds a scone which could rival Fonab Castle for the best scone in the world award. It’s here at Schloss Roxburghe … isn’t that exciting! However, maybe not as exciting as the state of British politics at the moment. So let’s get that out of the way first.

Internal view of Schloss Roxburghe — Entrance hall

Walking the plank

A lot has happened since our previous post from Alfies. The country has been brought to its knees by the current clueless resident in No 10. Meanwhile in No 11, Kami Kwasi Kwarteng has fulfilled his destiny even earlier than expected. News of the sacking of our third Chancellor in as many months, for some reason, got us pondering about walking the plank. When you think about it, what a weird procedure that was!

View from 14th tee at Schloss Roxburghe — The 14th tee on the championship golf course with the Roxburgh viaduct and the River Teviot

A bit like Kwasi, the luckless man is not simply thrown overboard … that would be too kind.. Rather it is turned into some sort of macabre ceremony where he is specially flown back from the US to find he no longer has the keys to No 11, the home he and his family have only just moved into. Mind you, ever since he got the job of doing Liz Truss’s bidding he must have known he would run out of plank quite quickly. He has been replaced by Philip Hammond, who is actually the new de facto Prime Minister. Liz is being kept in a locked cupboard under the stairs at No 10. Two short planks are being selected for her as we speak. Actually they will require a small forest to provide enough planks for all those Conservatives who voted her into power in the first place!

Efficiency

Portrait of child with hoop — Who needs an iPhone 14 when you can have one of these?

We are constantly impressed by the way Prime Ministers and Chancellors move into and out of Downing Street. These days they must ask themselves if it is actually worthwhile sitting down. It’s almost magical the way the furniture removal business works in Downing Street. It seems to flow seamlessly … at least something in the UK still works the way it should! But that’s enough about all this nonsense, you all just want to know about Schloss scones, don’t you? By the way, it is owned by a German company these days and that’s the only explanation we can give for the name. They are currently adding another 58 rooms, an outdoor swimming pool and spa as well as building 50 rental cottages in the grounds. No shortage of business here!

The Age of Reason

If you ever fancy staying in a Schloss we can thoroughly recommend Schloss Roxburghe. Simply remortgaging your home will just about cover the costs.

Portrait of the Duke of Roxburghe — Duke of Roxburghe

It used to be the home of the Duke of Roxburghe but he must have felt a bit cramped. He moved to nearby Floors Castle which has 7,000 rooms. Imagine cleaning that lot every day? This place, however, dates back to the 12th century when it was known as Sunlaws. They still have a Sunlaws restaurant. In1745, Bonnie Prince Charlie stayed the night as the guest of Lady Chatto before he set off into England with his army in a bid to regain the throne for his dad. The 18th century was known as the Enlightenment or the Age of Reason … we wonder how historians will label the present day … the Age Without Reason? Anyway, back then, for one night this place was host to one of Europe’s most romantic historical figures … and now, equally romantic, the scone hunters are here!

Relentless

This is the sort of place where your expectations are raised when you are quarter of a mile down the driveway and you still can’t see where you are to be staying. Arrival doesn’t disappoint either with a warm welcome at reception. There are open log fires in almost all the public rooms. After our long drive we were very ready for a scone. From the venues offered we chose the drawing room and settled into a lovely bay window seat. Our scones were beautifully warm and wrapped in linen napkins to keep them that way … fab!

Like we said at the beginning these scones could rival our gold standard at Fonab Castle. They were super crunchy on the outside – you almost had to crack them open like a boiled egg. The centres were wonderfully soft and fluffy. There was a plain and a fruit one for each of us and it all came complete with generous bowls of clotted cream and jam. The problem now is, we haven’t reviewed Fonab for quite a while so we will have to return to check that they are maintaining standards. Phew, this sconing business is relentless!

Suffice to say that Schloss scones are certainly on a par with Fonab scones until proven otherwise. We might even get them to slip one under the door of Liz’s cupboard, we feel a bit sorry for her … just a wee bit!

TD5 8JZ tel: ‭01573 450331 Schloss Roxburghe

///marinated.wriggled.greeting

Scones, Top, totallyeffinbrilliantscone

Jesmond Dene House

15 March 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Forgive us if this seems to be turning into “what we did on our holidays” but it’s tricky because this actually is what we did on our holidays, albeit only a few days. In fact it wasn’t our holidays, it was more of a sconological expedition south of the border where few sconeys have gone before. By now you all know the sort of extraordinary sacrifices we make in order to keep you up to date with sconey news. This is no exception. For this post we had to stay here in Jesmond Dene House. We know, we know but we felt duty bound!

A bit of history

The house was built in the Arts and Crafts style in 1871 by Sir Andrew Noble who worked for Lord William Armstrong … the oligarchs of their time. They became fabulously wealthy through shipping and the manufacture of armaments. It was forever thus. It’s been a hotel since 2005 and has a beautiful setting on the edge of the Dene Burn. Celebrities and Royalty have been entertained here … and now us!

The Great Hall at Jesmond Dene House — When they said our table was ready we did not expect this! Not really but it is the Great Hall

Of course, we were only here for the scones! We had a notion it might be a bit more expensive than our last post from Olivers Bistro Café and we weren’t wrong. We could have sat outside in the spring sunshine but they actually seated us in a cosy little alcove beside a wonderfully warm open fire … fab! Our lovely chatty waiter was from Venice. We know everything about him: his early life; his career, his children, his failed marriage, we could go on!

Two baby two

When you order a scone you actually get two and you can pick from a variety they have on offer. We chose fruit and cheese. They came with little bowls of butter and jam as well as a pot of cream and huge linen napkins. They were wonderfully warm and were absolutely delicious. £10 for two scones and coffee but worth every penny. If ever there was a challenger to our benchmark Fonab Castle’s scone, this was it.

Rivet Catcher

We told our Venetian friend that we are going to try the Metro. He looked shocked and said in his Italian accent “No, it’s rubbish“. He went on to elaborate “I’ve been here six years and I’ve only been on it once … and that was enough!” Of course, he was comparing Newcastle to Rome, London and Paris so we weren’t unduly concerned. Undeterred we set off for a station about ten minutes walk from the hotel. An ‘ALL DAY’ ticket was £5 each. This allowed us to travel anywhere we liked, get off and on as many times as we liked and valid for the whole day. We’re loving it already!

Okay, the trains are a bit on the basic side but they rattle along and we did managed to hit 33 of the 60 stations on the system … yes we counted them! We went to the beach in Tynemouth and then, to finish off, a drink of Rivet Catcher in the Cumberland Arms.

Internal view of the Cumberland Arms, Tynemouth — Cumberland Arms in Tynemouth

Romance in not dead

Then, because Pat has always wanted to go on a cruise (not,) we went to North Shields and caught the ferry across the Tyne (the Metro ticket does that as well). Only a seven minute cruise but, in the golden evening light, it was very romantic … honest!

The Shields ferry — Spirit of the Tyne approaching North Shields with South Shields in the distance

Anyone for billiards

It was well and truly dark when we got back to Jesmond Dene House. We decided to have dinner beside another large open fire in the billiard room. No billiards but presumably there must have been at one time!

Internal view of Jesmond Dene House — Lady Muck in the billiard room

Looking at us with a fearful expression our waiter friend was keen to know if we had gone on the Metro. When we told him what we had done he was super impressed. He had never heard of anyone doing that before! All we can say is that if you want to get a quick feel for the area and the people you could do a lot worse than take a trip on the Metro.

A picture at the Cumberland Arms, Tynemouth — Interesting painting in the Cumberland Arms

Dinner was fabulous by the way … a bit pricey for our Scottish pockets but fabulous.

Hero

Our thoughts are with Marina Ovsyannikova, the lady who protested live on Russian television. From totally unknown to worldwide hero in an instant … wow! We dread to think what will happen to her now but fingers crossed she’s okay?

NE2 2EY tel: 0191 212 3000 Jesmond Dene

///mull.names.urgent

Scones, topbagnascone, totallyeffinbrilliantscone

COVID-19 Newsflash

20 April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 9 Comments

It’s the start of yet another week in lockdown and although we still haven’t been out, this is not a repost. You can tell because the lettering isn’t red! In our previous post entitled COVID-19 we told you how to distinguish between coronavirus symptoms and those of scone withdrawal. The symptoms of scone withdrawal are, of course, not quite so severe but can still be debilitating. This COVID-19 Newsflash is simply to let you see how a couple of readers have come up with ways of at least alleviating the worst of the effects. Baking their own!

The first is from a couple of local sconeys, B&M. They sent us a photo of M’s attempt at a batch of scones. B, who is presumably in need of a lot of sucking up to his much better half, wondered if there was a category above ‘topscone’?

totallyeffinbrilliantscones — Example of tottallyeffinbrilliantscones. Thumbs up from us but is that homemade accoutrements?

Of course, there isn’t but if this terrible coronavirus situation has taught us anything it is that you have got to be helpful to others and sometimes that means introducing a bit of flexibly. We have therefore introduced the new “totallyeffinbrilliantscone” category for those in B’s precarious situation. Good luck B!

It is very much similar to the branded levitra prescription . Fortunately, you won’t need to go through the condition when levitra prices they are too young to be having sex, but it is not at all common for the person individually. The cervix opens (dilates) during labour, to enable the baby to be sildenafil generic india delivered. Though, this kind of canada cialis 100mg check these guys out is cheap, its work and regulated the best performance. The second is from S&B, our correspondents in the old town of Nice on the Côte d’Azur. The French, as you all know, have limited culinary skills and are therefore incapable of baking a proper scone. Instead, S&B have produced what they feel is an approximation to the real thing. Locally they are called ‘Scone Bagna’ and served with cold pastis tea! For French folks, they do look good and the presentation, of course, is perfect. But cold pastis tea is a step too far, as is the green stuff! Again, in an effort to be helpful and keep the Auld Alliance intact we are introducing a ‘topbagnascone’ category. Flexible or what? This surely shows that scones and sconeys are going above and beyond in their bid to combat this horrible isolation business. Well done everyone for triumphing in both of these new categories.

BREAKING:

Our Middle East correspondent has just informed us that in Tel Aviv they can now wander 500m from home instead of the previous 100m. Hurrah!

I still have £5.36 in my pocket. Hurrah!

Normal repost service will resume asap! Hurrah!

Keep safe everyone!

Scones, history and a dollop of politics