Category Archives: topweird

Scones, Top, topweird

Clootie McToot

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Logo of Clootie McToot, AbernethyClootie McToot, in the little village of Abernethy, makes clootie dumplings and exports them all over the world. One of its dumplings has even made it to Everest basecamp. They could never be described as ‘light’ so don’t think anyone would actually want to carry one to the summit. Great sustenance though! Essentially, you can have anything you want in Clootie McTooties as long as it’s dumpling … correction, they also make scones.

Rhyming dumplings

If you are not from Scotland and are wondering what a clootie dumpling is then let us explain. Nowadays, making them is something of a lost art  but Pat’s mother and my mother along with many other mothers used to make them regularly. You take the ingredients, a bit like those for Christmas cake, wrap them in a ‘cloot’ (cloth) and boil them forever. They were immortalised in this children’s poem:

Obviously, pouring a dumpling out of the spout of a kettle is impossible but that didn’t matter back in those days, we used to recite it with great joy. 

Magic dumplings

Sometimes the cloot would be a pillow case because many dumplings were the size of a football and were so heavy only your mother was capable of lifting them. Dumplings also had magical properties. When children got a portion they would, after a bit of rummaging, inevitably find a coin wrapped up in grease proof paper … so exciting! For some reason, my father always got a button? A big dumpling would last our family a week … hot, cold, sliced, fried … or hot with custard, cold with custard, fried with custard. No, not that last one but you get my drift. Suffice to say that Michelle, who runs Clootie McToot, has taken it upon herself to resurrect clootie dumplings and introduce them to a brand new audience … well done her.Internal view of Clootie McToot, Abernethy

We were looked after by young lass, Daisy, who was forever polite and attentive. After some soup for lunch she offered us cheese scones or chocolate orange scones. You guessed it, Pat went for cheese whereas the chocolate orange just had to be done … living on the edge! When they arrived on our table the only way to describe them was “impressive”.

Finger licking

Mine had a dollop of chocolate sauce on top and Pat’s cheese scone was simply “huge”. Scones at Clootie McToot, AbernethyThe chef actually came out and apologised. He had left someone else in charge of portioning the scones that morning and they had ended up a bit bigger than they should have been. On the basis that they shouldn’t really be a meal in themselves we normally don’t like big scones but these were sooo good. The chocolate orange one tasted really chocolatey and orangey with a lovely texture and crunchy exterior. The chocolate splodge on top meant it all got a bit messy but absolutely ‘finger licking’ good. Pat said her scone was one of the best she had ever tasted even though she couldn’t eat it all. Topscones all round, yeah!

External view of Clootie McToot, Abernethy

If ever we needed a Treaty?
A shackle in Abernethy
A shackle attached to the round tower … it actually fitted Pat’s neck

Events in Ukraine are disastrous for all concerned.  Unimaginable for us quietly sitting here in Clootie McToot in a sleepy little village like Abernethy. Having said that, Abernethy  was not always like this … once it was the “capital” of the kingdom of the Picts. The round tower you see in the picture, just outside Clootie McToot’s door, is only one of two in Scotland.  It dates from the 11th century. The Treaty of Abernethy, signed here in 1072, between Malcolm III, King of Scotland and William the Conqueror, actually secured an uneasy peace between England and Scotland that lasted more than a week! If we could get Vladimir Putin and Volodymyr Zelenskyy to come to Abernethy maybe they would sign another treaty? Dumpling incentives could be involved?

Aqua vitae
Decorative pillar at Clootie McToot, Abernethy
decorated metal pillar

They have quite a range of dumplings for sale so we are now the proud owners of a Clootie McToot cherry, date & Lindores aqua vitae dumpling. It’s delicious! The aqua vitae comes from the local Lindores distillery which opened its modern facility in 2017 but whisky has been distilled on the site since 1494. Clootie McToot also have dumpling kits and dumpling classes. So you, dear reader, have no excuse.

PH2 9JB.    tel: 01738 850795        Clootie

///aims.essential.unto

Scones, topweird

Finnegans

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The big important question is … are we happy?  At the moment there is the prospect of COVID vaccinations starting next week in Scotland. Fortunately, we are so old that we’re pretty near the front of the queue. Hurrah! There’s a flip side to the coin, however! Finnegans logoWe still cannot travel; we still can’t meet family and friends; we’re still leaving the EU at the end of the month and we still have a lunatic leading the free world. On top of all that we are being bombarded with Christmas adverts and music telling us life is perfect and that we should not only be happy but jolly happy. And it’s raining … argh! Okay, okay, in spite of all that we’ve made a decision. We are happy! And we hope that all our readers are too. A celebratory scone at Finnegans was called for.

internal view of Finnegans

Choices

This café is in the centre of Falkirk but the last time we were here was four years ago. Back then it was called Findlays. With the name change it presumably came under new management and normally, when this happens, we try and revisit to see if anything’s changed. Don’t know why it has taken us so long to revisit this one. Of course, we had to go through the, now commonplace and familiar palaver of wearing masks, giving our contact details and sanitising our hands.  But it has to be said that the staff, even with all these additional burdens,  couldn’t have been nicer or more helpful. We decided on some lunch followed by a scone to share. The choice was between plain and wheaten so, in the spirit of adventure, we went for wheaten … oooooh! 

A scone at FinnegansLunch was excellent and afterwards when our scone arrived it did look a little different. No crunchiness here, rather an overall firmness which was more bread-like than anything else. Nevertheless it was very enjoyable. And because it simply added to our already happy state we decided to award a topweird scone. Why not? 

Artwork at Finnegans
Interesting wall art at Finnegans
Surreal year

The only other Finnegan we know is the book Finnegans Wake by James Joyce. Not that we’ve read it or anything, it is devilishly difficult and far beyond our meagre intellects! Perhaps we should give it a go, however, because it supposedly attempts to recreate the experience of sleep and dreams … kind of like the somewhat surreal experience of 2020. As the year draws to a close it is tempting to reflect on all that has happened in the past twelve months. Then again, perhaps not! Just make up your mind to be happy … works for us!

FK1 1LL         tel: 01324 614050           Finnegans FB

///silks.tasty.soon

Scones, Top, topweird

The Little Bakery

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Today we are in South Queensferry at The Little Bakery. It’s a bit of a misnomer because once you get inside it’s really quite big. There’s a couple of seating areas at the front, another at the side and yet another downstairs at the back. The town itself is very pretty with narrow cobbled streets and quaint houses. It’s designed for horses and carts rather than the juggernauts that are here today creating chaos as they try to manoeuvre between the buildings with inches to spare.

A view of the Forth Bridge
The Forth Rail Bridge, opened exactly 130 years ago

Nothing much has changed here over the centuries other than the addition of the odd bridge or three. And, as you walk around, it’s olde worlde charm makes it very easy to forget what a crazy crazy world we live in.

A view of the Forth Road Bridge
The Forth Road Bridge and the Queensferry Crossing

Good British viruses

President Trump has just banned all travel to the US from Europe because of coronavirus. Mysteriously, the UK has an exemption, however. This must be one of the first benefits of not being in Europe or does he not realise that although we’ve left the EU, we haven’t actually physically moved. Or does Trump have an ulterior motive, a trade deal perhaps? Yes, think we’ll go with that one. Or maybe he thinks the British virus, is much healthier than those from countries that don’t speak English. Who knows what, if anything, goes on in his head? Thankfully his aides have now come out to correct everything he said.

Internal view of the Little Bakery, South QueensferryThe Chancellor, Rishi Sunak, delivered his first budget the other day. It was full of bountiful gifts for ‘the people’. The only thing lacking was any sense of a grip on reality. Apparently, the past decade has been forgotten where untold hardships were inflicted on the poor so that the rich could get richer. And it’s not as if all this austerity now puts us in a position where we have accumulated enough that we can dish out money left, right and centre. No, no, no, it will all have to be borrowed, about £100bn! Brilliant, I could be Chancellor!

Meaningless opposition

We don’t blame Boris or Rishi however, we blame Jeremy Corbyn.  Having no idea what he or his party stood for, he left the people with no choice but to vote Tory and hence we end up where we are today. And he’s still there at the Dispatch Box … a totally meaningless opposition figure. Go Jeremy, just go!

A scone at the Little Bakery, South QueensferryThis is all very well but we can hear you crying “Were there scones at the Little Bakery? Just get to the point?” Okay, yes there were!

Not only scones but an array of delicious looking baking that could easily have induced overindulgence. We maintained discipline, however, and after a light lunch, we just had our scones. Pat had fruit and I had a raspberry and chocolate chip. It had to be done! They were fab! Wonderful texture and with a lovely crunch. The only downside was messy fingers from the melting chocolate. A real dilemma when you’re not supposed to lick your fingers nowadays. We just licked anyway! Having forgotten to ask for cream we ended up not bothering.  To be honest the scones were so good they didn’t need any further embellishment. This is a really nice place and we think that you would be hard pushed to have a disappointing visit. Easiest topscone in ages.

A wall of flowers at the Little Bakery, South Queensferry
A wall of flowers at the Little Bakery

Lucky, lucky, lucky

We have reviewed several scones in South Queensferry. Five years ago we reviewed the Jitter Bean Café. That was when the EU was in the process of bailing out Greece with a £50bn loan. When we left the Little Bakery we thought we would take a stroll and see how it was doing. Sadly it has gone and been changed into something else. As far as we know, Greece is still there so it must have fared a bit better. While we walked along the street we came on this large wall plaque. When you consider that back in 1817 the inhabitants of South Queensferry were indebted to the ‘liberality’ of someone for a bleaching green and some water we should be a little more thankful for what we have today. We are all very lucky really. Okay, we’re a bit short on bleaching greens but we do have water and raspberry and chocolate chip scones!

EH30 9PP       tel: 0131 319 2255        Little Bakery

///disco.flesh.organisms

Scones, topweird

Dalgetty’s Tearoom

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Today we are in the Scottish Borders. Back in the 14th century this was definitely Thomas the Rhymer country. His reputation as a poet and prophet still features large in these parts because many of his predictions actually did came true. But more of him later.
First, let us ask this question, “Which Scottish town do you think has the most tarts?” We’re not talking ladies of dubious morals or anything like that we are talking tart tarts … proper tarts. A Melrose TartWe don’t have a definitive answer, however, we feel that Melrose must be in the running. It has it’s very own Melrose Tart. A confection of pastry filled with honey, ginger and brown sugar topped off with yellow and black icing as a homage to the colours of the local rugby team. Not only that, the baker who makes the Melrose Tart also makes a sponge of coconut and almonds … the famous Border Tart. You can only get them in Melrose. That’s quite a few tarts for a wee town!
A man of parts

The town is famous for more than tarts though. It has its own very grand but ruined Cistercian Abbey founded in 1136. It does in fact get its name from the time the Abbey was built. Mell, after the stonemasone’s hammer and rose after the Virgin Mary to whom all Cistercians were dedicated. Robert the Bruce’s heart is also buried within the Abbey. The rest of him is buried in Dunfermline and Dumbarton … he was a man of many parts!Internal view of Dalgetty's Tearoom in MelroseAnyway, we weren’t here for tarts but for scones of course. And where better than a wee visit to the award winning bakery responsible for all these tarts – Dalgetty’s Tearoom.

Bran?

The tearoom is actually just a small addition to the bakery itself. Unfortunately, we were given Hobson’s Choice when it came to scones. They had had a serious run on scones earlier in the day and only had two left, one cheese and the other bran. Bran scones? We all need our fair share of bran but putting it in scones is maybe a step too far?

A bran scone at Dalgetty's Tearoom in Melrose

A scone at Dalgetty's Tearoom in Melrose
Pat’s cheese scone

Pat opted for the cheese one and, of course, that left me with the bran. It certainly looked interesting, if a bit unscone like. Sometimes when expectations aren’t high you are pleasantly surprised and so it was in this instance. Not crusty at all but wonderfully soft with a distinctive texture throughout. I had expected a bran scone to be much more solid and heavy but this one was very light. Loads of jam and cream as well, so overall, although not a topscone, it was very enjoyable. Pat’s cheese scone was nice as well with a good dollop of melted cheese on top. It was a pity we weren’t able to sample their more ‘normal’ scones. Dalgetty’s Tearoom is pretty obviously a place that takes great pride in everything it does so we are sure they would have been excellent … and probably top.

No lies

Returning to Thomas the Rhymer. His real name was Thomas of Ercildoune and one day while out on the Eildon Hill, just south of the town, he met the queen of Elfland. He fell under her spell and went with her into the the hollow hill to the fairy underworld. There, certain gifts were bestowed upon him. When he returned to the mortal world he had not only acquired immortality and could foretell the future but he was also completely unable to tell a lie. Thenceforth he was also known as True Thomas.

His immortality means that he is still alive and well and living in the area. It does make you wonder, however, with his inability to tell lies, what he does for a living? Obviously modern day politics is completely out of the question. Becoming a stand-in Duke of York would also be extremely tricky.Logo for Dalgetty's Tearoom in MelroseOne of Thomas the Rhymer’s predictions was that one day Scotland would rule the whole of Britain. Scoff if you like but these days you just never know. Remember he couldn’t tell a lie!

TD1 1NZ           tel: 01896 752508           Dalgetty’s

///guesswork.polices.adjuster

Scones, topweird

Canada Wood revisited

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As our government prepares to invoke martial law in the event of riots after a no deal Brexit, we felt the need to stop banging our heads off the wall and go out in search of solace … and a scone! It seems almost unbelievable that it was more than four years ago that we first reported on Canada Wood Kitchen and Bar.  That means that we have been writing this nonsense for at least that amount of time. Yes, we really should get a life! And the sooner the better we hear you cry!

A wall at Canada WoodBack then Canada Wood was a brand spanking new venture. Everyone, including us, wondered if it could be successful in such an isolated spot – out of town and kind of “in the middle of nowhere”. We needn’t have worried. It has thrived, due in no small part to the fact that Falkirk has been voted “Britain’s Best Walking Neighbourhood”. Canada Wood is on the town’s vast path network and therefore does well from walkers and cyclists. Also motorists have now realised that a high quality restaurant exists just a short drive from the town. It has great food and there is plenty of parking so it is hardly surprising that it has also become one of our regular haunts. It’s progress has not been entirely straight forward, however, and just a few months ago it came under new management.

Tip off

Back in 2015 we were impressed by the place but felt the scones left a lot to be desired. They were not made on the premises and they were gigantic. Each scone could easily have fed three people! Recently, however, we got had a tip-off that the new management were baking everything on site. Investigation was required.

Internal view of Canada WoodThe staff, as always, were friendly and welcoming and soon had us supplied with some lunch and a scone to share … a ginger scone no less. A scone at Canada WoodEverything was first class. If there was a criticism it was that the jam was Tiptree, from Essex. Nothing whatsoever wrong with this jam however it would have been nice to have something a bit more local. This was our first ginger scone and it was delicious. Always difficult to know what to have with such an item, however, we went for the full monty … jam and cream! It was great. The ginger flavour was quite fulsome and the texture was lovely. We decided on a topweird. Well done Canada Wood … if only the Labour party could sort out its problems as well!

Right hand, left hand?

When it comes to the issue of Scottish Independence, the Labour party has covered itself in glory yet again. They have announced that as far as they are concerned all the Scottish Parliament has to do is ask the ‘English’ Parliament for permission for another referendum? What is that all about? Then they threaten that if Scotland were ever to leave the Union, Nessie would also leave and take up residence in the Lake District. We suspect that this second assertion is probably untrue because none of the puddles in England are any where near big enough for Nessie. You are asked to contact the Labour party as and when they have the slightest inkling of what they are doing. Don’t hold your breath.

FK1 3AZ      tel: 01324 610026        Canada Wood Kitchen

///bandage.otter.forge

ps Perhaps K6 telephone box officiandos should look away now. This may be too much for their sensitive souls to bear. It was sent to us by our Friockeim correspondents who just happened to be in Gretna Green. Where else would you find a pink K6 decorated like this?A K6 telephone box in Gretna GreenThese Friockeim folks also paint rocks and then hide them?? They do that in the hope that someone will find them, preferably a child, record it and then rehide them. Don’t ask! Apparently it’s regarded as normal behaviour in beautiful Angus. After all it’s no weirder than the antics of the Labour party. You can catch them on Facebook.

Mant thanks to them for passing this on, we look forward to many more from the Angus glens.

Scones, topweird

Café des Fleurs

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Well, well, well! In the miniscule amount of time since our previous post at Mill House, Monzie we have chucked one Prime Minister on the scrap heap and replaced her with another … wow, such efficiency! It has to be said that the UK has a brilliant system whereby a mere handful of over-privileged, geriatric, tax dodging idiots are allowed to appoint the leader of the country. It’s amazing really but not unique … Russia and China have similar arrangements. Anyway the Trump clone that is Boris Johnston has so far refused to meet anyone in the EU … gosh, isn’t he a tough cookie? However, on Monday he did meet with Nicola Sturgeon at Bute House in Edinburgh. You shouldn’t read too much into the fact that he had to leave by the back door … no, you shouldn’t, really you shouldn’t!

Internal view of Café des Fleurs in Dollar

Day trip

Anyway, gripped as we were by Boris’s promise of a gazillion £s for Falkirk, today, to temper our excitement, we decided to get out of town and go for a drive along the Hillfoots. Turned out that our target scone cafe was  closed so we had to carry on into the pretty little town of Dollar. It’s the sort of town that probably harbours some of the idiots who voted for our new leader. Though to be fair, these idiots were being asked to choose between two other idiots … tricky! But never mind all that, here we found the delightful Café des Fleurs,  They only had a couple of outside tables, all taken, however it was no hardship and a bit cooler to sit inside.

Cream disasters

They advertise their scones as being ‘famous’ so obviously we had to determine whether this claim was justified or not. They had plain, fruit or blueberry and white chocolate scones. A scone at Café des Fleurs in DollarPat had fruit and, of course, I had to try the blueberry and white chocolate. Service was very friendly and efficient so it wasn’t long before we were all kitted out. Sacre bleu, mon dieu, it’s Rodda’s Cornish Cream again. I know we go on about it but why oh why do they do that when much better stuff is available locally? All in all we enjoyed Café des Fleurs. Pat thought her scone wasn’t quite top but mine, apart from the cream was excellent … topweirdscone. As for them being ‘famous’, well I guess they are a bit more now.

Queenie and Bojo

The cafe was nicely decorated with a kind of shabby-chic look. One of the pictures was a bit puzzling though. “Queenie says: coffee – the favourA picture at Café des Fleurs in Dollarite drink of the civilised” followed by “Give us a kiss”. We could argue that it’s tea that’s the favourite of the civilised however maybe that would be splitting hairs. If Queenie wants a kiss, however, she is going to have to wait a while … a long while! Bojo on the other hand would gladly give her a kiss, so desperate is he to please anyone he meets. You do wonder if the UK would ever have found itself in this ludicrous situation over Brexit and now with an equally ludicrous PM if we had had an opposition party worthy of the name. One can only wonder!External view of Café des Fleurs in Dollar

FK14 7DE              tel: 01259 743699        Cafe des Fleurs

///named.serious.shakes

ps Our intrepid Trossachs correspondents have just sent us photos of some telephone boxes up north. The first picture is of a fine array of K6s at Fort George, just east of Inverness. Bojo may be promising lots of money for Falkirk however it looks like Fort George will have more K6s than our home town. Falkirk is undergoing a programme of K6 removals, even though many were actually made there. First M&S deserted the town now our telephone boxes are going as well. What next? On the upside, if the money promised to the town ever appears, we will doubtless have Kelpies and Wheels all over the place.Three K6s at Fort George

The second K6 is from the Saracen foundry in Glasgow. It was at the Highland Folk Museum in Newtonmore. It even had the old mechanism with the A and B buttons. More than that it had a long set on instructions on how to make a telephone call. Also an advert for a brand new way to send greetings oversees … the new ‘De Luxe’ Telegram Service…. nostalgia!

Saracen foundry K6 at the Highland Folk Museum in Newtonmore

Many thanks once again to our correspondents.

Scones, topweird

No 8 Court Street

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Logo of No 8 Court Street, NewtonardsJust over the hill from Bangor lies Newtownards, the town where our twin daughters were born almost forty years ago. Although a life defining moment for us, we barely know the town itself. When we lived in County Down we tended to go directly Bangor⇔Belfast and Newtownards did not figure on that route. It is on the way to Castle Espie, however, a nature reserve on the shores of Strangford Lough where we were heading today. Purely by chance we parked our car opposite this place, No 8 Court Street and it looked like a pretty good bet for a scone. We weren’t wrong, although scones were in short supply … nothing other than rhubarb and ginger ones left. Lately, there have been soooo many places where we have missed the scones completely or maybe just got the last one. We may have to make scone time a wee bit earlier. This is the roller coaster of uncertainty and  chance that we ride every day on your behalf.  Anyway rhubarb and ginger sounded exciting enough.

Internal view of No 8 Court Street, Newtonards
Downstairs café

Beefy chunks

No 8 is a great place with an excellent downstairs restaurant  but upstairs they have a couple of very comfortable areas laid out with big soft armchairs and a cornucopia of antique furniture.

Internal view of No 8 Court Street, Newtonards
one of the upstairs areas

All the serving staff were bubbly and enthusiastic, nothing was too much trouble. After a delicious lunch our scones arrived. They were huge and at first we thought we would not be able to finish them. A scone at No 8 Court Street, NewtonardsNo worries, they were so good that they did not last long. They were warm and the wonderful texture combined with beefy chunks of rhubarb and ginger made for an unusual but wonderful experience. Everything was nice here. You could tell that the owners had put a lot of thought into the interior design as well as the food. The scone was presented beautifully together with a variety of coffee cans full of cream and jam. Yes, so far it’s three topscones in a row for Northern Ireland … yeagh!

Important things

You may think that news concerning a troika of scones is a trifling matter compared to the news that half of Jeremy Corbyn’s colleagues voted for other parties in the EU elections. Come to think of it, it is debatable which is the more important … or more trifling?

Internal view of No 8 Court Street, Newtonards
another of the upstairs areas

BT23 4JT           tel: 028 9181 2430             No 8

///strumming.tennis.taps

ps: Castle Espie was excellent. You could say that going to a WWT site like this is cheating when it comes to a bird list. Pat, however, was very honest and only noted birds in the ‘wild’ section of the reserve. Currently, her total is 42 different species and that is without a blue tit or a great tit, neither of which we have seen yet.

Scones, topweird, weird

Living Water Satisfies Café

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You are all aware of the Bermuda Triangle. That mysterious area of ocean on the other side of the Atlantic where things simply disappear without trace. Today we are in the Crystal Palace Triangle, a relatively small area enclosed by three streets. It’s famous for an eclectic range of vintage furniture and clothing stores, in south London. Like it’s Caribbean namesake things go missing here as well. Scones, for example! It’s not as if there are no cafés, there are loads of them. Venezuelan cafés, Nepalese cafés, Polish cafés, Sudanese cafés. Would any of those have scones?

View from Crystal Palace towards central London
Crystal Palace, on Sydenham Hill, is one of the highest points in London.

Just as we were about to declare the Triangle a ‘scone desert’ we came across the Living Water Satisfies or LWS Café. No idea where it gets it’s name but it is situated on the outer extremity of the Triangle where the influence is obviously weaker. Lo and behold … scones. Admittedly there was only three left and they were all the same … gruyère and chive! LWS turns out to be a charity dedicated to helping those who suffer domestic abuse so all the proceeds from the café and bookshop go towards providing shelter and comfort to abuse victims. Well done them! The café itself is pretty basic but is obviously well used for functions and meetings as well as folk just dropping in for something to eat. They also make everything, including the scones, on the premises.Interior picture of LWS cafe

Life on the Edge

As you know we occasionally like to live life on the edge, adrenalin  and all that … and besides, this place was worthy of our tiny little bit of support. Also, you readers obviously need to know about such things, so gruyère and chives it was! What a surprise, what a pleasure. Really cheesy and the chives just gave them a certain je ne sais quoi. Picture of a scone at LWS cafeFor sure, they fell into the ‘weird scone’ category but definitely one of our top weird scones! Coffee was good as well.

In the short time since our previous post there have been other disappearances. We think that David Cameron may have moved too close to the epicentre of the Crystal Palace Triangle because, having laid waste to the UK, the EU, Libya and even brought perfectly honourable pigs into disrepute, he has now vanished completely. He told us himself that he is “no quitter”, so the Triangle seems the most likely explanation. He will be remembered fondly. In much the same way as Tony Blair.

SE19 3AF          tel: 020 8653 4011            LWS Café

Scones, topweird

The Oystercatcher Restaurant

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This  fine-dining restaurant, is situated about as far out of the way as you can get .. in Portmahomack. It’s on the tip of Tarbat peninsula in Easter Ross. Question is … is it the best restaurant in the world? Probably not, but it does make you ask the question so it’s pretty special. It is certainly unique. Oystercatcher 03

We were fortunate to be here for the first night of the season and we had been looking forward to it with much anticipation. Oystercatcher 07There is no doubt that this is fine dining .. fabulous menu specialising in seafood and almost a thousand different wines along with hundreds of whiskies and liqueurs to choose from .. and correspondingly expensive. It may only be three courses but, they provide extra palate ticklers between each dish. One was cullen skink, another was haggis neeps and tatties, another was peach sorbet topped with crowdie. All taster sized portions but fabulous. But places like this don’t do scones .. do they? No they don’t. Our excuse for writing this is pretty thin, embarrassingly thin.

The most clouds we saw in Portmahomack
The most clouds we saw in Portmahomack

 

Yes, I had the ‘seared scallop of scone’ .. because I like scallops and I like scones. So the dish was king scallops, black pudding; bacon & coral scone; airbag; garlic-sauteed samphire; partan sauce. I didn’t even get a picture of the scone because it was buried underneath everything else. Suffice to say it was delicious. Don’t ask what the airbag was, we have no idea but it wasn’t a safety device. Obviously this could not be classed as a topscone. We do have a weird scone category however so we placed it there .. top weird scone!

Fantastic

I can show you a picture of my pudding though. That’s good Talisker you can see burning away there. Susan, the owner/waitress, looked after us superbly well but don’t expect any of the us

Café Surprise o' the Cuillins
Café Surprise o’ the Cuillins

ual deference you normally get in fine-dining restaurants. No standing on ceremony here, just great friendly service. All in all it was a fantastic experience, hats off to Susan for making The Oystercatcher work in rural Easter Ross. Nothing short of amazing!

Port at 'the Port'
Port at ‘the Port’

Who owns Scotland?

Was it a better than Bruce’s Café at the Carnegie Hall, just round the corner? That would be like comparing apples and pears. Completely different but both wonderful. While Susan and Bruce work their socks off we don’t suppose either of their businesses will feature in the Panama Papers. It is disturbing to learn that ownership of great swathes of Scotland are simply registered to PO boxes in Panama. Also, if you have ever wondered why people in oil rich countries like Nigeria are still poor it is because the country’s wealth is squirrelled away in Panama. Most of it administered through the UK by RBS and HBSC.  What is being displayed in the Panama Papers is that the system is global .. and rotten. Maybe we already knew that? Nothing rotten at the Oystercatcher .. expensive but worth it.

IV20 1YB         tel: 01862 871560        The Oystercatcher

english, topweird

Le Pain Quotidien

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This place is just round the corner from Victoria station and was the chosen spot for a rendezvous with a group of Lithuanians. Don’t ask, it’s a long story. Le Pain Quotidian ( the daily bread) originated in Belgium but now has outlets in nineteen countries stretching from Brazil to India. This is the first we have come across. Le Pain 02

The emphasis is on providing a place for people to meet and do business or just have a good gossip. To that end, they provide some long tables where people or families can gather round and do just that. It prides itself on it’s artisan bread made the traditional way. ‘Bakers blend organic stone-ground flour, kneaded patiently by hand and baked in stone lined hearths’ .. whatever! Can they make a scone?

In the interests of diversity, we thought we should try the ‘organic spelt & quinoa scone’. If nothing else it was definitely different and, from that point of view, difficult to compare with other scones. Le Pain 03A heavy mix as you might expect with a spelt flour but the added quinoa seeds, currants and almonds gave it a, not unpleasant, crunchy texture. It came with a pot of mixed strawberry/rhubarb  jam and a dish of what we thought was cream but turned out to be ricotta – an Italian whey cheese made from sheep milk.

Now once we had got over the surprise of it being nothing like the cream we had been expecting, it was not that bad. In fact, with the scone itself being so completely different, the ricotta complemented the scone quite well. Probably better than cream would have done. Le Pain 04This is the first  time we have come across quinoa (pronounced: kinwa) in a scone. It probably demonstrates Le Pain Quotidien holding true to its basic philosophy of using good honest healthy ingredients. Apparently it originated from the shores of Lake Titicaca which is quite exotic in itself. At £5 per scone however, they are not cheap. Never had a hope of being a topscone but just for being sooooo different we think it qualifies for a top weird scone award. Won’t be rushing back for another but well done for broadening our scone horizons.

Weapons of mass destruction

Not far away there was a Stop Trident rally in Trafalgar Square. Isn’t it odd that we give so much attention to making nuclear power stations absolutely safe. Then spend vastly more money planning for the creation of even bigger nuclear disasters .. bizarre. Of course, things have moved on. The big question now is not whether we should get rid of them but whether we can get rid of them fast enough. Before The Donald and BoJo are ruling the world. The BBC‘s report on the rally just prattled on about how disappointing the turnout had been in spite of their own pictures showing umpteen thousands present.

BREAKING NEWS:

In best BBC style, keeping you up to date with scone news, we have breaking news from our Trossachs correspondent. The same one who, you will remember, gifted us some Dobbies scones at Christmas. Dobbies 01Apparently, when he went to pay for his cream scone the other day at Dobbies in Stirling he discovered that cream scones were subject to a BOGOF deal so he went home with another scone in a box which fed  four people the following day. All for £1.45 .. remarkable. Many thanks to our reporter. Obviously they were not spelt and quinoa scones. In spite of the London prices, however, Le Pain Quotidien is worth a visit. A little bit quirky, good food, great service and nice atmosphere. It also has a good website with plenty of information and recipe suggestions.

SW1V 1JZ     tel: 020 3657 6945     Le Pain Quotidien