Category Archives: topweird

Ale & Pate

How did we end up here at Ale & Pate in Dalgety Bay? You know how sometimes we go to the cinema in the morning and then go on somewhere in the afternoon. This is one of those days. Logo of Ale & Pate, Dalgety Bay

Weird films

We went to see the movie “Poor Things” at the Hippodrome in Bo’ness. There’s been a lot of fuss about it recently but we still weren’t sure if we actually wanted to see it. It’s almost two and a half hours long and when it finished we were kind of left wondering what we had seen. Set in a fantastical 19th century with gorgeous sets and brilliant acting it’s sort of hypnotically fascinating to watch and a bit weird all at the same time. We think we are glad to have seen it although not 100% sure.

Afterwards we thought we would follow the advice we had received when we posted from the The Bruce Arms in Limekilns. Tracy, the barmaid, had highly recommended the scones at Ale & Pate in Dalgety Bay. Although it is not more than half and hour by car from home we had never been there. The main road skirts past the town so unless you have a good reason to visit you just don’t. We’ve never had a reason … until now!

Originally it was just the little fishing village of Dalgety but then it was redeveloped in 1962 and became Dalgety Bay. Interestingly (or not) the tiny village of Dalgety (pop 252) almost became the capital of Australia. Not this one but one in New South Wales.  Eventually, in 1908, it lost out to Canberra. Boo, we would have voted for Dalgety!

Internal view of Ale & Pate, Dalgety BayBack in Scotland we were trying to find our destination amongst all the 60s style houses that give it that kind of “new town” look. Eventually we tracked it down to a small utilitarian looking unit in the middle of a housing estate. It was above a fish and chip shop, sandwiched between a couple of Indian restaurants and next door to a dental practice. We didn’t know what we had expected but it wasn’t this! Internal view of Ale & Pate, Dalgety Bay

Anyway, if we had any lingering doubts about the place they were soon placated by our first sight of the scones – they just looked fab!Scones at Ale & Pate, Dalgety Bay

Weird scones

There was a choice of “fruit” or goodness gracious, “date and orange”. It had to be one of each. Pat was already making favourable noises by the time I got started on mine. Lately, we’ve had a run of what we term “weird scones”. Scone at Ale & Pate, Dalgety BayNot nasty weird, just different. There was “cranberry” scones at The Bruce Arms then ‘milk chocolate and strawberry’ scones at Callendar House, and now ‘date and orange’. What is going on – weird films, weird scones? No cream but both these really fresh scones had been gently warmed and mine even had a drizzle of icing on top … delicious. Our original disappointment at first sight of Ale & Pate was more than compensated by the friendly service and the excellent scones. Yet another topweird scone.

Not having been in Dalgety Bay before we decided to explore after leaving Ale & Pate. For all its ‘newness’ it does have a fair bit of history. Things would have been very different here over the centuries. DalgetyBay is built on Donibristle Estate, the seat of the Earls of Moray .

Donibristle stables
This was just the stable block for the Earls of Moray at Donibristle House. Now it is private apartments

In fairness it has to be said that there were fewer witches burned in Dalgety than in other villages along this Fife coast. Having said that in 1649, Isobel Kelloch was put to death. She had offered a head scarf to another woman who then suffered a headache. At the same time, and perhaps in the interests of equality, they also burned Robert Maxwell. He was considered an “ignorant” man and a warlock. Imagine how many people we could do away  with if these views still prevailed? The mind boggles!

The beach at Dalgety Bay
Dalgety Bay with Inchcolm Island (pop 2) in middle distance and Edinburgh far right
Weird world
As well as our weird films and weird scones the whole world just seems a bit weird at the moment. The UK and the US both have elections this year. On this side of the pond we have Rishi Sunak. He just seems happily detached from reality. In opposition we have Keir Starmer. He is used to know reality but now denies that he ever did. On the other side of the pond we have Joe Biden whose reality is a now a care home. And, in opposition, Donald Trump who thinks reality isn’t actually real.
 
But never mind all that, as long as all we have to worry about is weird scones, we won’t worry too much! Our thanks go to Tracy at The Bruce Arms for an excellent heads up on Ale & Pate and giving us a reason to visit Dalgety Bay. In spite of searching we failed to find the harbour … we know, how can you not find a harbour? In our defence, at Buckhaven we also failed to find the harbour, so we are experts!. Some day, we will have to return. Watch this space.
 
KY11 9NH       tel: 01383 821599         Ale & Pate FB
 
///myself.half.backyards

Callendar House 3

We’ve reviewed the scones at Callendar House twice before,  once in 2015 and again in 2017. With a seven year gap we thought readers  would be ready for an update.

Wall covering in Callendar House
Wall covering in the tearoom

Callendar House, which used to be owned by the Forbes family, lies about a hundred yards south of the Antonine Wall which the Romans built all the way across Scotland. It formed the northern edge of their Empire. The southern edge was bounded by Arabia and the Sahara desert. They regarded everything south of the Antonine Wall as “civilised” and everything north as “barbaric and more bother than it’s worth”. The Romans are long gone but that view hasn’t changed much over the intervening two millennia. FYI, our house lies on the civilised side … obviously!

Dangers of crinoline dresses

Actually, we just decided to take a walk round the small loch that lies to the east of the house. Something we hadn’t done in a long time. Back in the day, all grand houses had a loch of their own and it wasn’t simply a conceit on the part of the owners. In the absence of any kind of organised public fire fighting service a loch was seen as essential as a readily available water supply in the event of an inferno.

Probably not much use when people like Oliver Cromwell were deliberately trying to set fire to the place but even in peace times, conflagrations  were seen as relatively likely given the number of ladies in crinoline dresses swishing about in front of open fires under a multitude of candelabras. Of course, even if you had your own loch, it would still have been difficult if there was only you and a bucket. You needed servants and lots of them but, of course, that wasn’t a problem for the aristocracy.

Gentrification

If you’ve ever had ambitions, or even just wondered how to become an aristocrat perhaps we can help.  Back in 1783 Callendar House and the Estate that encompassed most of Falkirk was being sold by auction. The Earl of Errol (an oven ready aristocrat) had high ambitions at the auction but was eventually outbid by an upstart scrap merchant, one William Forbes, from Aberdeen. Eyebrows were raised. Not only that, in true scrap merchant style, he pulled the cash from his hip pocket and paid for it on the spot. Subsequently he became Sir William Forbes, 1st Lord of Callendar … and that’s how you join the aristocracy. Common as muck one day and a Knight of the Realm the next! Probably wasn’t quite like that but you catch our drift.Internal view of Callendar House

A new experience

Although Callendar House is pretty much in the centre of Falkirk most towns folk had never been anywhere near it. The Forbes kept it very private. However, in 1963 the local Council took it over, opened it up to the public and established a cafe for non-aristocrats like ourselves. After our walk it was nice to get inside and settle down with some coffee. And we could either have a plain or, surprise, surprise, a milk chocolate and strawberry scone. In the interests of expanding  reader’s sconological knowledge we rather tentatively opted for the latter.

View from tearoom in Callendar House
View from the tearoom


On previous visits we have been quite critical of this tearoom. To us, it never seems to ever reach its full potential. We could still level that accusation now but at least on this occasion there were staff on hand and we were attended to promptly and quite pleasantly if not smilingly.  Still no cream but the scone itself was really nice … no crunchiness but fresh and moist. With this combination there was really no need for jam or cream, it was delicious just with a little butter. A topweird scone!

Provost lamps at Callendar House
Newly refurbished cast iron Provost lamps installed at the back of the house
Agreements

In 1565 the marriage agreement between Mary Queen of Scots and the French Dauphin, Francis was signed in Callendar House. External view of Callendar HouseIt provided that Scotland and France should eventually be united as one kingdom,  We all know how that went. Since then Scotland has been in Europe and then back out again … better to hold onto something if you are starting to feel a bit dizzy. Westminster has now reached some sort of agreement in N.Ireland to restore power-sharing at Stormont. It seems Westminster is going to try to persuade the EU that nothing has changed and that N. Ireland is still in the EU rather than the UK while simultaneously persuading everyone else of the opposite. With Westminster’s well honed skills in duplicity, they may well succeed!

FK1 1YR          tel: 01324 503775         Callendar House Tearoom

///wishes.dozen.parks

Bruce Arms

Well here we are, deep in 2024 already. We hope it’s going to be a good one for everyone. With fast fading memories of Christmas dinner – turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce etc, what better way to celebrate our first scone of the year than with a cranberry one. Yes, a cranberry scone! Cranberries are just one of the many weird and wonderful things that appear once a year along with trees in your living room and puddings you set fire to. The Bruce Arms, here in Limekilns, clearly had a lot left over because there was only plain or cranberry scones on offer.

Sign for the Bruce Arms in LimekilnsIn previous visits to Limekilns we have visited the Sundial Cafe and Coorie By The Coast, but never here. When we walked in the barmaid asked “are you in for lunch?” We said “no, just wondering if you could give us coffee and a cranberry scone?” As she stood behind  a Ferrero Roche style pyramid of cranberry scones beside the large barista style coffee machine, she answered  with a curious smile “maybe!” When we first arrived at the Bruce Arms it felt a bit lacking in atmosphere but now we had a funny feeling this visit might be a bit different. And so it was!

Assumptions

We assumed that the Bruce Arms would have taken its name from Scotland’s famous King and all round good guy, Robert the Bruce. Turns out not to be the case. It’s named after one Thomas Bruce-Brudenell, Earl of Ailesbury whose family were landowners around here in the 17th century. His main contribution during his earthly existence seems to have been naming things after himself. There’s another Bruce Arms in Tanfield on another estate he owned not far from Newcastle in the north of England. Internal view of the Bruce Arms in Limekilns

Living in a small village

Anyway, Tracy the barmaid soon had us sorted with everything. There wasn’t any cream but our scone came with plenty butter. She’d also given us raspberry jam because that was her favourite.  As we sat there it soon became clear that Tracy knew everyone who came in. Not only that she also knew everything about them. We were soon very well acquainted with all their ailments as well as their next hospital and doctor appointments … fascinating! We weren’t eavesdropping, we just couldn’t help but hear! On the plus side there was no talk of deaths. And also, a pregnancy in the village, by all accounts, was going well.

Victorian photo of the Bruce Arms in Limekilns
Old Victorian photo of the Bruce Arms …. it hasn’t changed much!

Eventually, conversation got round to the ongoing saga that is the Post Office scandal. Although it’s been going on for almost thirty years it has only recently been brought to the forefront by a television drama “Mr Bates vs the Post Office”. Hundreds of Postmasters had their lives ruined, some jailed, by what turned out to be nothing more than a software error. The Post Office is wholly owned by the government so since the screening politicians have been falling over themselves to explain why they didn’t realise what was happening at the time. A scandal in itself. Everyone at the Bruce Arms thought it was an absolute disgrace. Eventually, however, we were asked for our opinion. 

A first

Suffice to say, Tracy ended up sitting at our table interrogating us about cranberry scones and pretty much everything else. We were able to tell her that the scones were great, much better than expected and might even have been topscones had there been cream and the jam and butter had not been prepackaged. Coffee was very good as well. In all our years doing this blog, this is the first cranberry scone we have ever come across. In such circumstances we decided to give it a topweird scone award. Well done the Bruce Arms.

Limekilns at Charlestown
The old disused lime kilns that give the village its name
Did you know?
Chalk comes from limestone and chickens fed on a diet that includes chalk lay hard eggs? Just the shells … you would still have to boil them for at least five minutes if you want them hard all the way through! Honestly, the things you learn on allaboutthescones.com!
 
Estonian Navy ship
The Bruce Arms ,the best pub in Britain. according to the Estonian Navy? Who are we to argue with the Estonian Navy
It was an absolute pleasure to chat to Tracy. We learned loads about the village, in the hour or so we were there, without asking a single question.  Just lovely open and honest people and we felt a real sense of community. It’s lovely to come on a place where everyone looks out for everyone else … we don’t see enough of that these days. We left feeling refreshed and trying to assimilate all our new found Limekilns knowledge.
Things to look forward to in 2024
  • Proper justice and compensation for all the wronged Postmasters. Some years ago I and a group of friends sailed to St Kilda. As soon as we landed the warden told us we should leave because a big storm was coming and this far out in the Atlantic was not a good place to be. One thing we had to do, however, was send a postcard home because of the unique franking mark you got at the Post Office. The Post Office is tiny. I bought a hat, a postcard and a stamp. Simple mental arithmetic could have totalled the cost in seconds but the old Postmaster insisted on writing it down on a piece of paper to add it all up. By the time he did that and then checked it twice the storm was imminent. But no software glitches here! 
  • A reduction in the influence of populist politicians like Trump and Johnson. To be a populist politician you need merely cater to the lowest denomination in your following. And every now and again throw them some red meat. Usually in the form of lies.
  • South Africa taking Israel to the International Criminal Court in The Hague charged with genocide. It’s odd that it has fallen to `South Africa to do this after all their struggles with apartheid. When we think of apartheid we think of Glasgow  in 1968. They renamed St George’s Place, Nelson Mandela Place. The South African embassy was housed there. All correspondence to the embassy then had to be addressed with the name of their most famous prisoner … genius!
  • More scones.Stags head hatstand at the Bruce Arms in Limekilns
 

KY11 3HL       tel: 01383 872259          Bruce Arms

///spared.surveyors.melon

Greens at the Courthouse

Although this post comes from Greens at the Courthouse in Dornoch our target destination for today was the little village of Embo in Sutherland and yet another beach.

The  beach at Embo
Part of the beach at Embo

In 1245 the Battle of Embo took place here between the Scots and the Vikings. Honestly, if you have to have a battle this is a great place to have one … there must have been a lot of kicking sand in faces. And in 1988, without a drop of blood being shed, Embo declared itself independent from the rest of the UK. They even issued their own currency, the Cuddie (two Cuddies to the Pound). Okay it was only for one day and it was to raise funds to create a community centre. Scotland could learn a thing or two from Embo but, of course, our currency is destined to be the smackeroonie!

Sconeless Granny?

Embo is where Grannie’s Heilan’ Hame is and if ever there was a place guaranteed to provide a good scone this has to be it … surely? The granny in question was Kate Mackay who, in 1952, went to live in Boston USA. The well known song reflects on visits to her Embo home. To hear a rousing version click here.

   Where the heather bells are blooming, just outside Grannie’s door,
   Where as laddies there we played, in days of long ago.
   ‘Neath the shadow of Ben Braggie and Golspie’s lordly stane.
   How I wish that I could see my Grannie’s Hielan’ Hame.

Grannie's Heilan' Hame in Embo
Grannie’s Heilan’ Hame is now much extended at the centre of a huge caravan park

When we went to the restaurant to ask if they had any scones or cakes we were informed “No the closest we would have to scones or cakes is toast“… what? Don’t think granny would have been too happy about that. Crest fallen we retreated a mile down the beach to Dornoch and Greens at the Courthouse.

A pirate ship in Embo
Before leaving Embo we managed to board a pirate ship … mega exciting!
The milkman

We were here in 2017 when it was called the Carnegie Courthouse. Apparently the combined problems of Brexit and COVID were too much for the previous owners. Since earlier this year it is under new management. Still looks pretty much the same with its large painting on the back wall of the courthouse in action. Madonna had her son, Rocco, christened directly across the street in Dornoch Cathedral and then got married to Guy Ritchie the following day in nearby Skibo Castle. They are both featured as well as a host of other celebrities including the local milkman.Internal view of Greens at the Courthouse

If you remember, our previous scone was at the Rosemarkie Beach Cafe and it was white chocolate and cranberry. Here it was white chocolate and cherry. Is there  a white chocolate theme going on up here in the Highlands? 

Premierships measured in scones

We’ve actually had a few other Dornoch scones at Gordon House and Dornoch Castle but back, when we were last here in late 2017, we were contemplating how many more scones we could write before Theresa May’s eventual demise. She was definitely on a shaky peg at that time but nevertheless she lasted longer than expected largely because there was no one of any merit to follow her. Boris Johnson amply proved that point by following her! Likewise he lasted longer than expected because there still wasn’t anyone of merit in the Tory party but eventually he became too much an embarrassment even for them. He was followed by Liz Truss and we only managed to write one scone before she was out on her ear after a couple of weeks. She will always be remembered as the proud owner of that record … One Scone Liz.

A scone at Greens at the CourthouseOur scone fell into the weird scone category but was really good. Even Pat, definitely sceptical at first, ended up heaping praise on it. She wouldn’t normally contemplate anything to do with cherries. I always have to eat the cherry on top of her empire biscuits. That’s fairly typical of the hardships we endure together. A topweird scone was eventually awarded … well done Greens at the Courthouse.

We paid for our scone contactless but can’t wait to pay for them in smackeroonies! 

IV25 3SD       tel: 01862 811241        Greens at the Courthouse

///slacker.estuaries.flipping

 

Hirsel Cottage Tearoom

 

Logo of The Hirsel EstateWhen Harold McMillan had to resign due to ill health in 1963 he was controversially succeeded as PM by Sir Alec Douglas-Home, 14th Earl of Home (pronounced Hume). The 3000 acre Hirsel Estate near Coldstream has been the family home since 1611. It wasn’t very long ago that, in the UK, you weren’t allowed to vote if you didn’t own land … preferable great swathes of it. As an aristocrat Sir Alec spent his life being showered by honours and gifts. His tenure as PM lasted less than a year, though compared to recent incumbents of the post, that’s a long time.

External view of the Hirsal
Photo of the Hirsel by Stephen Whitehorne. It’s not open to the public

So here we were driving past the wall that surrounds the estate. Pat had noted that there was a tearoom so we thought we should investigate. We went in through a typically large estate gate and then drove for what seemed like miles on a tiny little road with no signs indicating a cafe or anything else for that matter.  Eventually, we had to stop and ask a man with a leaf blower. It seems obvious now but we had come in through the wrong gate … what are we like? Never mind, eventually we made it to the Hirsel Cottage Tearoom.

The tearoom is part a group of buildings that form a kind of arts and crafts centre. There’s a pottery, a glass studio and a nice little museum. When we walked in we got a lovely warm welcome but the first thing we noticed was this.Scones at the cafe at the Hirsal

A bit odd

They had two different kinds … lemon and blueberry and spiced mixed fruit. … ooo! Pat opted for the latter so I went for the other. 

Scones at the cafe at the Hirsal

Quite big for our taste but both were very nice. They came nicely presented with butter, cream and jam. Pat’s was beautifully spiced and mine was very moist as you might expect from a lemon and blueberry combo. Slightly odd scones perhaps but we thought they were very worthy of a topweirdscone. Well done the Hirsel Cottage Tearoom.Internal view of the cafe at the Hirsal

Ownership?

The Hirsel Estate runs right down to the River Tweed. It made us think that it’s not only scones that can be weird, people are weird as well. They get very upset about land ownership. When we obtain land almost the first thing we do is build walls or borders to keep others out.  Don’t think that there is any other member of the animal kingdom that behaves quite like this. Swallows and Wildebeest just go wherever suits them. It can get ugly, just look at  Ukraine!

We say ‘border, you say ‘boundary’

When you stand on the banks of the Tweed and look across the twenty or so yards of slowly flowing water all you can see is England. At this point the the border runs down the middle of the river … weird. Unionists, of course, like to call it the “boundary”. Calling it a “border” would imply that Scotland might actually be a country in its own right. Gosh, the power of words!

We mention this only because the former Labour Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, was wheeled out again this week. This is a sure sign that Westminster feels the Union is in some sort of danger. Last time he appeared was back in 2014 during the Scottish Independence Referendum. All the panicking Unionist parties appointed him as their spokesman with a single remit “save the Union”.

Promises, promises!

Back then they all agreed to “the Vow” which promised that if Scotland wanted to stay in the EU, it had to vote no to independence. It also promised Home Rule … according to Gordon,  the next best thing to independence. That, of course, begged the question “why not just go for the best thing?” In the end it wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. Will we see submarines patrolling the Tweed?

TD12 4LW       tel: 01890 883645.        Hirsel Cottage FB

///boil,fatter.repayment

ps: We are indebted to our Marco Island correspondents for this photo of Sconehenge. There’s nothing we can say except we thought, for the sake of structural strength, they would have chosen plain scones!picture of Sconehenge

 

Hickety Pickety Tearoom

Logo of Hickety Pickety TearoomYou know how sometimes you go into a restaurant and the staff can be downright indifferent. We tend to judge places on the attitude staff have towards their customers. Who see customers as their raison d’être rather than some dastardly inconvenience. So, having said all that, when we entered the Hickety Pickety Tearoom we were immediately greeted with a huge hug and a kiss from one of the waitresses. Okay, we knew her. She’s a kind of honorary daughter. We used to worry that her car seat was too big when she came to stay with her sister during the school holidays. Then we’d worry it was too small and now she doesn’t need a car seat at all. She’s at university and driving her own car. Goodness, how did that happen?

Internal view of Hickety Pickety Tearoom
Downstairs
Head in the clouds

We had heard that she was working here so we thought we should pay a visit. Hickety Pickety is a wonderful place situated on a farm not too far from Lanark. Although not far from Falkirk it’s a strangely unknown part of the world for us. It’s about a mile from the village of Forth whose main claim to fame is that Scotland’s tallest man (7 foot 3 inches) came from there. It’s also 1000 feet above sea level so he could well have had his head in the clouds.

Internal view of Hickety Pickety Tearoom
Upstairs
What’s in a name?

Why is it called Hickety Pickety, we hear you ask! Well it comes from a well known nursery rhyme.

Poem of Hickety Pickety Tearoom
Some say that the rhyme was originally about a lady of ill repute so we’ll say no more

It was busy so we were shown to a table upstairs. Not one of our ‘daughters’ table but that wasn’t a problem, all the serving staff were really nice. They have to be extremely fit  because they are up and down these stairs all day like the proverbial yo-yos. We ordered some lunch and when we asked what kind of scones they had were told “plain or pear and ginger“. It had to done – a pear and ginger scone to share. Turns out that they do a lot of pretty adventurous scone baking so we may have to return to see what else they come up with.

A scone at Hickety Pickety TearoomWhen it arrived, however, it did not look too promising. It came with butter, jam and the ubiquitous Rodda’s clotted cream. Nothing against it per se but why get it from a Dutch owned company in Cornwall when there’s plenty of good Scottish cream. You all know by now that we like a slight crunchiness to our scones but this one was incredibly soft all over. Thankfully it was absolutely delicious. The pear flavour was quite distinct and the ginger gave it a soupçon of spiciness. So soft it was difficult to keep it together … topweirdscone, no problem. Thoroughly recommend this place but be warned, not everyone gets hugs and kisses.

In the toilets at Hickety Pickety Tearoom
Revolting

We’ve kind of lost count of the number of Tory Prime Ministers we’ve had over the past few years. Deluded as ever about his own importance, Boris failed to recognise that he won a huge majority, not because of anything he did but because there was no opposition worth voting for. He was at Balmoral today to hand in his resignation to a relieved Queen.

New girl, the ever so slightly mad, Liz Truss, was there as well to take on the mantle of government. Given that the role of most governments is simply to give the people just enough to keep them from revolting, Liz is going to have to pull some rabbits out of the hat if she wants to stop that happening. At the moment, there’s a lot of extremely unhappy people around. She says “What you see is what you get“. Well, that’s a pity! Luckily, like Boris, she has  no opposition  to speak of. If she wants she can wreak whatever havoc she wants on the country. It’s just our daughters and honorary daughters that will have to sort it all out.

ML11 8NZ       tel: 01555 871486        Hickety Pickety FB

///streaking.retire.winters        

The Hidden Lane Tearoom

Logo of the Hidden Lane TearoomHere we are in Glasgow, the bestest city in the whole wide world … Pat told me that! We are looking for something that’s hidden. Why? It’s like an itch, you’ve got to scratch it. If you are told something is hidden you feel an overpowering urge to find it. So it was with the Hidden Lane Tearoom.

The Hidden Lane
Looking down the Hidden Lane from Argyle Street

Argyle Street is more than two miles long and one of Glasgow’s main shopping streets. There is so much going on you could easily walk past this little lane and not even notice it. Even if you did, you might not feel particularly inclined to go down … it’s not immediately obvious that it leads to anything. It’s proper name is Argyle Court but not a lot of people know that. You would just get a blank look if you asked for it by anything other than ‘the hidden lane.’ When you reach the end of the lane, however, it suddenly opens up into a large courtyard with a veritable cornucopia of tiny little shops and eateries. It’s quite a big area but this narrow lane is the only way in or out. Who would have thought?

Exciting

Even then, the tearoom was not immediately obvious but then we spotted it tucked away in a corner. External view of the Hidden Lane TearoomIt has become a central focus  amongst the brightly coloured higgledy piggledy studios which act as home to lots of musicians and other creatives. We were excited to find the Hidden Lane but we were doubly excited to try the tearoom. Apparently it’s renowned for its luxury afternoon tea, its classic Victoria sponge and its secret recipe scones. What’s not to get excited about?

The tearoom has a cosy chintzy feel about and combined with the cheery service it’s the sort of place where you immediately feel comfortable. Internal view of the Hidden Lane TearoomThey have an upstairs as well so it’s not as small as you might think. Of course, our primary concern was the scones. Pat went for fruit and I opted for their ‘special scone of the day,’ raspberry and white chocolate.  

Double awards

I tried to get a picture of both scones together but for some reason it didn’t work. A scone at the Hidden Lane Tearoom Damn, just when I thought I was getting the hang of this photography lark! Anyway we shared the scones so that we could sample both. Unsurprisingly perhaps, we thought they were both excellent. Served with little glass pots of jam and cream and a sprinkling of crunchy sugar on top. We gave Pat’s a topscone and mine a top weird scone … well done the Hidden Lane Tearoom.

Message at the Hidden Lane TearoomWho would have thought that, more than a month on, the war in Ukraine would still be going on. And in the David and Goliath struggle, David seems to at least be holding his own against the vastly superior might of the Russian army. There was a message on the wall of the Hidden Lane Tearoom. It did make us  wonder what would have happened if Mad Vlad had gone for tea first. 

Message at the Hidden Lane TearoomThe football World Cup is scheduled to take place in Qatar at the end of the year. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if Ukraine qualified! However, there’s a fly in the ointment … Scotland. The only thing standing between Ukraine and qualifying for the World Cup is Scotland. They have to play to decide which country goes through. Oh no, what a dilemma!

View from the Hidden Lane Tearoom
View from the Hidden Lane Tearoom

G3 8ND                tel: 0141 2374391            Hidden Lane

///craft.beans.dream

Clootie McToot

Logo of Clootie McToot, AbernethyClootie McToot, in the little village of Abernethy, makes clootie dumplings and exports them all over the world. One of its dumplings has even made it to Everest basecamp. They could never be described as ‘light’ so don’t think anyone would actually want to carry one to the summit. Great sustenance though! Essentially, you can have anything you want in Clootie McTooties as long as it’s dumpling … correction, they also make scones.

Rhyming dumplings

If you are not from Scotland and are wondering what a clootie dumpling is then let us explain. Nowadays, making them is something of a lost art  but Pat’s mother and my mother along with many other mothers used to make them regularly. You take the ingredients, a bit like those for Christmas cake, wrap them in a ‘cloot’ (cloth) and boil them forever. They were immortalised in this children’s poem:

Obviously, pouring a dumpling out of the spout of a kettle is impossible but that didn’t matter back in those days, we used to recite it with great joy. 

Magic dumplings

Sometimes the cloot would be a pillow case because many dumplings were the size of a football and were so heavy only your mother was capable of lifting them. Dumplings also had magical properties. When children got a portion they would, after a bit of rummaging, inevitably find a coin wrapped up in grease proof paper … so exciting! For some reason, my father always got a button? A big dumpling would last our family a week … hot, cold, sliced, fried … or hot with custard, cold with custard, fried with custard. No, not that last one but you get my drift. Suffice to say that Michelle, who runs Clootie McToot, has taken it upon herself to resurrect clootie dumplings and introduce them to a brand new audience … well done her.Internal view of Clootie McToot, Abernethy

We were looked after by young lass, Daisy, who was forever polite and attentive. After some soup for lunch she offered us cheese scones or chocolate orange scones. You guessed it, Pat went for cheese whereas the chocolate orange just had to be done … living on the edge! When they arrived on our table the only way to describe them was “impressive”.

Finger licking

Mine had a dollop of chocolate sauce on top and Pat’s cheese scone was simply “huge”. Scones at Clootie McToot, AbernethyThe chef actually came out and apologised. He had left someone else in charge of portioning the scones that morning and they had ended up a bit bigger than they should have been. On the basis that they shouldn’t really be a meal in themselves we normally don’t like big scones but these were sooo good. The chocolate orange one tasted really chocolatey and orangey with a lovely texture and crunchy exterior. The chocolate splodge on top meant it all got a bit messy but absolutely ‘finger licking’ good. Pat said her scone was one of the best she had ever tasted even though she couldn’t eat it all. Topscones all round, yeah!

External view of Clootie McToot, Abernethy

If ever we needed a Treaty?
A shackle in Abernethy
A shackle attached to the round tower … it actually fitted Pat’s neck

Events in Ukraine are disastrous for all concerned.  Unimaginable for us quietly sitting here in Clootie McToot in a sleepy little village like Abernethy. Having said that, Abernethy  was not always like this … once it was the “capital” of the kingdom of the Picts. The round tower you see in the picture, just outside Clootie McToot’s door, is only one of two in Scotland.  It dates from the 11th century. The Treaty of Abernethy, signed here in 1072, between Malcolm III, King of Scotland and William the Conqueror, actually secured an uneasy peace between England and Scotland that lasted more than a week! If we could get Vladimir Putin and Volodymyr Zelenskyy to come to Abernethy maybe they would sign another treaty? Dumpling incentives could be involved?

Aqua vitae
Decorative pillar at Clootie McToot, Abernethy
decorated metal pillar

They have quite a range of dumplings for sale so we are now the proud owners of a Clootie McToot cherry, date & Lindores aqua vitae dumpling. It’s delicious! The aqua vitae comes from the local Lindores distillery which opened its modern facility in 2017 but whisky has been distilled on the site since 1494. Clootie McToot also have dumpling kits and dumpling classes. So you, dear reader, have no excuse.

PH2 9JB.    tel: 01738 850795        Clootie

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Finnegans

The big important question is … are we happy?  At the moment there is the prospect of COVID vaccinations starting next week in Scotland. Fortunately, we are so old that we’re pretty near the front of the queue. Hurrah! There’s a flip side to the coin, however! Finnegans logoWe still cannot travel; we still can’t meet family and friends; we’re still leaving the EU at the end of the month and we still have a lunatic leading the free world. On top of all that we are being bombarded with Christmas adverts and music telling us life is perfect and that we should not only be happy but jolly happy. And it’s raining … argh! Okay, okay, in spite of all that we’ve made a decision. We are happy! And we hope that all our readers are too. A celebratory scone at Finnegans was called for.

internal view of Finnegans

Choices

This café is in the centre of Falkirk but the last time we were here was four years ago. Back then it was called Findlays. With the name change it presumably came under new management and normally, when this happens, we try and revisit to see if anything’s changed. Don’t know why it has taken us so long to revisit this one. Of course, we had to go through the, now commonplace and familiar palaver of wearing masks, giving our contact details and sanitising our hands.  But it has to be said that the staff, even with all these additional burdens,  couldn’t have been nicer or more helpful. We decided on some lunch followed by a scone to share. The choice was between plain and wheaten so, in the spirit of adventure, we went for wheaten … oooooh! 

A scone at FinnegansLunch was excellent and afterwards when our scone arrived it did look a little different. No crunchiness here, rather an overall firmness which was more bread-like than anything else. Nevertheless it was very enjoyable. And because it simply added to our already happy state we decided to award a topweird scone. Why not? 

Artwork at Finnegans
Interesting wall art at Finnegans
Surreal year

The only other Finnegan we know is the book Finnegans Wake by James Joyce. Not that we’ve read it or anything, it is devilishly difficult and far beyond our meagre intellects! Perhaps we should give it a go, however, because it supposedly attempts to recreate the experience of sleep and dreams … kind of like the somewhat surreal experience of 2020. As the year draws to a close it is tempting to reflect on all that has happened in the past twelve months. Then again, perhaps not! Just make up your mind to be happy … works for us!

FK1 1LL         tel: 01324 614050           Finnegans FB

///silks.tasty.soon

The Little Bakery

Today we are in South Queensferry at The Little Bakery. It’s a bit of a misnomer because once you get inside it’s really quite big. There’s a couple of seating areas at the front, another at the side and yet another downstairs at the back. The town itself is very pretty with narrow cobbled streets and quaint houses. It’s designed for horses and carts rather than the juggernauts that are here today creating chaos as they try to manoeuvre between the buildings with inches to spare.

A view of the Forth Bridge
The Forth Rail Bridge, opened exactly 130 years ago

Nothing much has changed here over the centuries other than the addition of the odd bridge or three. And, as you walk around, it’s olde worlde charm makes it very easy to forget what a crazy crazy world we live in.

A view of the Forth Road Bridge
The Forth Road Bridge and the Queensferry Crossing

Good British viruses

President Trump has just banned all travel to the US from Europe because of coronavirus. Mysteriously, the UK has an exemption, however. This must be one of the first benefits of not being in Europe or does he not realise that although we’ve left the EU, we haven’t actually physically moved. Or does Trump have an ulterior motive, a trade deal perhaps? Yes, think we’ll go with that one. Or maybe he thinks the British virus, is much healthier than those from countries that don’t speak English. Who knows what, if anything, goes on in his head? Thankfully his aides have now come out to correct everything he said.

Internal view of the Little Bakery, South QueensferryThe Chancellor, Rishi Sunak, delivered his first budget the other day. It was full of bountiful gifts for ‘the people’. The only thing lacking was any sense of a grip on reality. Apparently, the past decade has been forgotten where untold hardships were inflicted on the poor so that the rich could get richer. And it’s not as if all this austerity now puts us in a position where we have accumulated enough that we can dish out money left, right and centre. No, no, no, it will all have to be borrowed, about £100bn! Brilliant, I could be Chancellor!

Meaningless opposition

We don’t blame Boris or Rishi however, we blame Jeremy Corbyn.  Having no idea what he or his party stood for, he left the people with no choice but to vote Tory and hence we end up where we are today. And he’s still there at the Dispatch Box … a totally meaningless opposition figure. Go Jeremy, just go!

A scone at the Little Bakery, South QueensferryThis is all very well but we can hear you crying “Were there scones at the Little Bakery? Just get to the point?” Okay, yes there were!

Not only scones but an array of delicious looking baking that could easily have induced overindulgence. We maintained discipline, however, and after a light lunch, we just had our scones. Pat had fruit and I had a raspberry and chocolate chip. It had to be done! They were fab! Wonderful texture and with a lovely crunch. The only downside was messy fingers from the melting chocolate. A real dilemma when you’re not supposed to lick your fingers nowadays. We just licked anyway! Having forgotten to ask for cream we ended up not bothering.  To be honest the scones were so good they didn’t need any further embellishment. This is a really nice place and we think that you would be hard pushed to have a disappointing visit. Easiest topscone in ages.

A wall of flowers at the Little Bakery, South Queensferry
A wall of flowers at the Little Bakery

Lucky, lucky, lucky

We have reviewed several scones in South Queensferry. Five years ago we reviewed the Jitter Bean Café. That was when the EU was in the process of bailing out Greece with a £50bn loan. When we left the Little Bakery we thought we would take a stroll and see how it was doing. Sadly it has gone and been changed into something else. As far as we know, Greece is still there so it must have fared a bit better. While we walked along the street we came on this large wall plaque. When you consider that back in 1817 the inhabitants of South Queensferry were indebted to the ‘liberality’ of someone for a bleaching green and some water we should be a little more thankful for what we have today. We are all very lucky really. Okay, we’re a bit short on bleaching greens but we do have water and raspberry and chocolate chip scones!

EH30 9PP       tel: 0131 319 2255        Little Bakery

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