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These are the best scones we have found so far.

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Palm Court

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Well, here we are, our first scone since leaving Europe. The choice was either to go into some sort of maudling inward-looking period of navel-gazing or go out and have a scone. Afternoon tea graphic at the Palm CourtGuess which one we chose? In addition, we felt that we might as well celebrate our newfound freedom from the civilising influences of our EU friends with something a bit posh. Hence you find us closeted in the rather sumptuous confines of the Palm Court in Edinburgh’s Balmoral Hotel.

The exterior of the hotel is a marvelous confection in stone (Balmoral means “the majestic dwelling” in Gaelic) and the inside is equally elaborate. However, if you are one of those who only feel truly relaxed in the surroundings of a greasy spoon diner, this is not the place for you. On our long sconological journey, we have come to tolerate sumptuous surroundings like this with relative ease. The benefits of perseverance.

Palm Court logoWe’re here because one of the advantages of writing a scone blog is that friends and family tend to buy us gifts in line with our interests … and, as you know, we have very narrow interests. So it was on this occasion, a complimentary champagne afternoon tea … yeah! Many thanks to our benefactors. We were on time. The hotel is perched above Waverley Station so the clock is always set three minutes fast as an aid to travellers trying to catch a train. Hogmanay is the one exception in the year when it is spot on.

Famous faces

Internal view of the Palm Court, Balmoral HotelFilm stars, Prime Ministers and Royalty have all stayed here, so of course, we felt at home straight away. Suite 552 is even named after JK Rowling who wrote her final Harry Potter novel here. Once we had got past the suitably suited and booted doorman we were welcomed by a lovely young lady called Lucy. She hailed from Menton in the south of France, a part of the world we know quite well. Monte Carlo and all that! A few months back we even posted a scone from the Scotch Tea House in Nice. champagne afternoon teaAnyway, Lucy had been doing a hospitality course back home and when she finished she chose Scotland for her first real job. We warmed to her immediately. She settled us in and soon had us sorted with a couple of glasses of Charles Heidsieck champs while we perused the tea menu.

Tea pouring ceremony at Palm CourtI opted for the Cloud tea for no other reason than that’s where all my personal data resides. Pat went for 2nd flush … not sure why. We’re not great tea connoisseurs. However, it’s nice to try new ones every now and again even though we always revert back to good old breakfast tea. When ours arrived another young lady shattered our nerves by pouring the boiling water into the teapots from a great height. Not sure if that enhances the taste in any way but it certainly gave the whole procedure an air of high drama. She didn’t spill a drop!

Three tiers

Normally, with an afternoon tea, everything comes on a three-tier cake stand. Savouries on the bottom, scones in the middle and cakes on top. Not here! We did get the cake stand but all three tiers were laden with savoury items … it was only the first course. Everything was delicious.Scones at the Palm Court, Balmoral Hotel, EdinburghLater we got the second course – the scones. As expected there were two each and they came beautifully warm, lightly dusted with icing sugar and presented with lots of jam and clotted cream. Meanwhile, Lucy refreshed our teapots and generally ensured that we lacked for nothing. Unsurprisingly, perhaps the scones were fab and what with the surroundings and the harpist playing in the small juliet balcony above our heads, we almost felt as if we were in Verona. It wasn’t that difficult a decision to make … topscone!

gifts at the Balmoral Hotel, Edinburgh
A parting gift of tea, chocolates and mini ice cream cones.
Good taste

It was so civilised as we lingered under the palm trees sipping champagne, eating scones and being pampered by Lucy. We could easily have believed we are still in Europe. Thoughts of bush fires, coronavirus, Boris’s lies, Trump’s lies, Syria, and climate change were banished to someplace far far away. Later, when we were preparing to rejoin the real world we asked Lucy if she would return to the south of France after her placement here was finished. She replied, “No, I plan to stay in Scotland, I really love it”. It’s true, the French really do have good taste! Even we had to admit – if this is what being out of Europe is like, it’s not that bad!

Wellington statue, Princes Street
The Duke of Wellington pointing at the clock and saying “that clock is three minutes fast”.

EH2 2EQ.       tel: 0131 556 2414         Balmoral

///driven.behind.insist

ps Thanks go to one of our New Zealand correspondents. They sent photos of a scone extravaganza that recently took place at Papanui Club Bowling Club in Christchurch. Scones at Papanui Bowling Club, Christchurch, NZThat’s a lot of scones!

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Simply Sarah’s

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Okay, hands up, we are as bad as Boris when it comes to telling porkies. Having told readers that Norton House would be our last post from Europe here we are sending another! The difference between our porky pies and Boris’s is that ours are purely accidental. Maybe Boris has had an advance batch of the new Liar Wine being launched tomorrow to celebrate our departure from the EU. We honestly did not think we would be posting another scone so soon but here we are at Simply Sarah’s doing just that.

Closing early

On this rather wet day, we found ourselves in Doune shopping in one of Pat’s favourite shops. On the way into the shop, we suddenly realised there was a café almost next door. We had always thought of Doune as being a one-café (the Buttercup Cafe ) village but had never noticed Simply Sarah’s. It’s tiny, maybe that’s why! It had to be done.

Internal view of Simply Sarah's in DouneWhen we say tiny, we mean tiny. Two small tables and a grand total of four seats. Cat swinging is not advised! You might think that this is about as far away as you can get from the Norton House. Well, in many ways it is, however, don’t be so hasty. Sarah is a classically trained chef who used to work in the upmarket  Cromlix House Hotel before it was taken over by Andy Murray … and her experience shows.

We arrived at 2.45 and were warmly welcomed by Sarah. She also warned us that she had to close at 3.00 to go and pick her kiddy up from school. Being the only ones in we had our pick of the tables. We used both! There were two scones left which she had baked earlier in the day. Time was tight but we thought there was just enough to relieve her of those scones and still let her get away.

Prejudices

When the scones came, however, she had preloaded them with butter and jam… no cream. A scone at Simply Sarah'sReaders are probably weary of hearing us bleat on about preloaded scones and places that don’t have cream. Normally these two things alone would bar them from the topscone category. Here, however, at Simply Sarah’s we have decided to throw all these silly prejudices overboard because the scones were sooo good. Soft in the middle and just the right of crunch on the outside. On the strength of the scones, we bought a couple of Sarah’s homemade pies. It turned out that we had plenty of time for our scones. This hard-working lady was busy shutting up shop as we left so we hope she wasn’t late for pickup.Internal view of Simply Sarah's in Doune

Leave the light on

In about nine hours from writing this, we will be out of Europe and bobbing about uncontrollably on a sea of uncertainty like some unsavoury piece of flotsam. Okay, maybe not immediately as we still have the 12 month transition period to get through. But still it will be momentous for all the wrong reasons. The world’s media is descending on Scotland to see how this historic event is commemorated. Don’t expect fireworks here. Brexit has beautifully highlighted Scotland’s democratic deficit. People across the globe now understand the country’s plight better than ever before. Scots are proud Europeans but at 11pm tonight we must prepare to have that part of our national identity forcibly removed.

Perhaps all is not lost, however. As British MEPs were leaving the European Parliament last Wednesday there was a rousing chorus of that quintessentially Scottish song, Auld Lang Syne, accompanied by a promise to ‘”leave the light for Scotland” so it can find its way home. The Scottish Parliament has also refused to lower the EU flag as a symbol to those EU citizens living here that they are still welcome.

Who ate all the pies?

Pies, not the porky pies but the steak and the coronation chicken pies we bought at Simply Sarah’s have since been scoffed. Simply Sarah’s pies are simply the best!

FK16 6BY     tel: 01786 842304       Simply Sarah’s FB

///anchovies.fastening.origin

ps Thanks go to our Oregon correspondents who have informed us that they make vegan scones from recipes in Realm magazine. while listening to the music of Dougie MacLean.

Scones in Realm magasine
Realm magazine

However, they are concerned that the neighbours might start complaining about the Scots balladeer. Now we just happen to know that their garden in Lebanon is huge so they must have Dougie cranked up pretty loud. Anyway, for us, it conjures up a wonderful image of scones being baked to the strains of Caledonia. They must be full of Scottish goodness! Do any other readers have favourite scone making music? This is ours, you may remember it from a previous post at Sarocha’s Cafe, click here to remind yourself of its brilliance.

Scones, Top

Norton House Hotel

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Faced with the prospect of finishing January 2020 and leaving the EU without bringing our readers a topscone prompted us to give ourselves a shake and try a bit harder. Hence you find us here at Norton House Hotel on the outskirts of Edinburgh. We have passed it a million times before while dropping folk off at the airport or picking them up.  Never before had it occurred to us to turn off and take the long driveway leading to the hotel. Today, however, we thought a place like this might just put a stop to our topscone famine.

Rings of growth

The rather grand building was constructed in 1840 but no one seems to know who or why it was built. Not until 43 years later, when it was bought by John Usher, does it feature anywhere at all. Usher, had a large brewing company and sucked up to the establishment sufficiently to be made a Baronet in 1899. The house remained in the family until 1951 when the 3rd Baronet of Norton died. It then became a hotel.

Tree ring tableDuring all that time a beech tree, planted around 1810, stood near the house until it fell during a storm in 2017. The hotel manager, a keen woodworker, fashioned this table from it and inscribed it with notable events on the appropriate growth rings. Here is a small selection of the events he chose:

  • 1821 Napoleon dies
  • 1826 Harry Houdini was born
  • 1834 Slavery abolished
  • 1845 Irish potato famine
  • 1865 Abraham Lincoln dies and Alice in Wonderland published
  • 1887 the light bulb was invented
  • 1883 Treasure Island published
  • 1904 hamburger invented
  • 1914 World War I
  • 1922 Birds Eye frozen foods founded
  • 1933 King Kong climbs the Empire State Building
  • 1939 World War II
  • 1972 birth of Michael Sanchez
  • 1976 1st Apple computer
  • 1986 Glasnost

To think that all this happened during this tree’s lifetime somehow brings distant historical events a bit closer. Michael Sanchez, by the way, is the aforementioned manager.  Anyway enough of all that.Internal view of Norton House Hotel

Cream tea

As expected, this is a nice place. We were shown to a table in a comfortable light and bright lounge. After a spot of lunch, we ordered a cream tea to share. Cream tea at Norton House HotelThe young man looking after us had explained that a cream tea came with two scones … one fruit, the other plain. When it arrived we could see that the scones were just the right size and they were even accompanied by a couple of delicious-looking oaten biscuits. Lots of jam containing whole strawberries and a healthy bowl of clotted cream. Hopes were high! Happily, the whole thing lived up to expectations. At last, an easy topscone and as such the first of the year and the decade. Not expensive either, our total bill came to £13.50.

The end is nigh!

Of course, it may also be the last scone we can send you from Europe. On Friday we will be floated off into the Atlantic away from the warm embrace of our European friends on a journey to who knows where. Perhaps our old Commonwealth friends will look after us if any of them have memories with a scintilla of fondness?

Brexit has been financed by a few billionaires who stand to profit handsomely while squirreling away ill-gotten gains offshore. The rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer. No change then?

As a slight aside, I came across the life expectancy of people named Norton … don’t ask. The average life expectancy of a Norton in 1941 was 39, and 75 in 2004. Well done the Nortons and well done Norton House Hotel for letting us leave Europe on a topscone high. Farewell Europe, perhaps we will meet again someday?

EH28 8LX         tel: 0131 333 1275             Norton House

///doors.juggle.corrects

O'Connel Café scones in Australiaps Recently we have been in touch with many friends down under in an effort to find out if they are escaping the effects of the horrendous bush fires. Thankfully they’re all okay but, like us, dismayed at the colossal destruction. Some have even sent pictures to show that amidst all the adversity scones continue to provide a modicum of comfort. Our Bathurst correspondents sent this from the O’Connell Avenue Café. Where there are scones, there’s hope!

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Coffee Bothy – revisited

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In the late 16th century, Lady Doune of Doune Castle, otherwise known as Margaret Campbell, must have been a formidable woman indeed.  Her son was known as the Bonnie Earl of Moray because of his good looks, athleticism, skill on the dance floor and his love of scones. Haven’t been able to verify this last claim but we just think he would have been an avid sconey. However, these attributes ended up making him an enemy of King James VI whose Queen, Anne of Denmark, was paying too much attention to the Bonnie Earl. Unfortunately the King was a Boris-like knock-kneed slobbering individual with none of the charms of the young Earl. Eventually, James got the Earl of Huntly, otherwise known as the Cock o’ the North, to take “whatever measures necessary” against Moray.
Best laid plans
In 1592, Huntly contrived to burn Moray to death by setting fire to another of Moray’s country seats at Donibristle in Fife. Moray fled with his head on fire but was struck down by Huntly’s men. Huntly drew his dirk and slashed Moray across the face. The Bonnie Earl’s last words were “You, Huntly – you have spoiled a better face than your own!”. Ouch! Definitely a sconey!
Now this may sound a bit like modern day politics. Unbelievably, Huntly, the King and everyone else associated with the dastardly deed denied all knowledge. Sound familiar? We now think that the Duke of York’s current memory problems may actually be a hereditary affliction affecting all aristocracy. No doubt due to centuries of in-breeding!  It’s just a thought but maybe we should cut him some slack … or maybe not?
Mothers
Moray’s mum, Lady Doune wasn’t having any of it and sought to expose all concerned. She had her son’s naked, stabbed and mutilated body put on display in the Kirk of Leith. A painting of the body was made for exhibition. She had his blood stained shirt paraded through the streets of Edinburgh. The outrage was such that the King had to go into hiding for a while in Glasgow and Huntly was imprisoned at Blackness Castle. That’s mothers for you.
Internal view of the Coffee Bothy atDeanston Distillery, DouneAnyway, all this is simply to tell you that today we are in Doune visiting one of Pat’s favourite shops. After a couple of hours of fairly intensive retail therapy, however, we were both in dire need of a scone. So on this -4ºC frosty day we decided to head a few hundred yards along the River Teith to the café at Deanston Distillery. Almost three years since we were last at the Coffee Bothy. so it was due a quality check anyway.External view of Deanston Distillery, DouneThe last time we were here the scones came as a brace and that is still the case. A scone at the Coffee Bothy at Deanston Distillery, DouneThey are quite small but if you want to try two different types, this is the answer. Unfortunately, on this occasion they only had fruit left so that wasn’t an option. Plenty of jam and whipped cream as well so the Coffee Bothy did not disappoint second time around. Just a smidgen off topscones but very enjoyable nevertheless.
You never know the minute
In our last post about the Coffee Bothy we were lamenting the fact that Deanston distillery (about 20 miles from Falkirk) had become the closest to home. It used to be Rosebank distillery (a few hundred yards away) but it closed in 1993. It had produced Scotland’s most light and floral whisky and came to define Lowland whiskies in general. Since then, however, it has been announced that Rosebank is to be completely renovated and will reopen in the next year or so. Not only that, a brand new Falkirk distillery, imaginatively called the Falkirk Distillery, is in the process of being built at the other end of the town and will also be opening within a few months. Bottle of whisky at Deanston Distillery, DouneNow, although this news may not excite all sconeys please remember that both distilleries will undoubtedly feature a coffee shop. Excited now? Watch this space.
For the first time in its history, the BBC has resorted to public challenges to try and get the Prime Minister to be interviewed by Andrew Neil like all the other party leaders. No success so far but don’t be surprised if Neil’s home suddenly goes on fire with him in it.
FK16 6AG            tel: 01786 843013          Coffee Bothy TA
///kneeled.blotches.fooling
Scones, Top

Singl-end Café & Bakehouse

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Duke of Wellington statue at Singl-end Café, Glasgow
Glasgow Council, after years of removing the traffic cone from the Duke of Wellington’s statue only for it to reappear the next day eventually gave up. Now a major tourist attraction and emblazoned on memorabilia like this tea towel

For those not familiar with Scottish vernacular, or, to be more precise, Glasgow vernacular, a “singl-end,” or single-end was the name for a tiny tenement room into which large families were packed back in the good old days. Toilets were on the landings and could be shared with up to ten other families. This was a dreadful way of life which thankfully no longer exists. The term “singl-end”, however, is still sometimes used today to remember with misty eyed fondness those times. Times of close community when everyone knew everyone else and looked after each other. As a way of life the singl-end probably gave rise to Glasgow’s unique friendliness. A sense of humour was the minimum required to survive in such conditions and combined with a down to earth irreverence and an ability to laugh at themselves, Glasgow is like no other city.

Posh?

Pat, a proud Weegie, wasn’t brought up in a singl-end, rather a “room and kitchen”. Having a separate kitchen didn’t exactly make you posh but it was definitely one up from a singl-end!

Internal view of Singl-end Café, GlasgowWhen we came across the Singl-end Café & Bakehouse it just had to be done. And what a find! It’s in a basement so is virtually invisible from the street. Not that that is holding it back, when we arrived it was  busy busy … and it’s nothing like a singl-end at all, it’s huge! It has what we would describe as a kind of hip feel about it so naturally, being pretty hip ourselves, we felt at home straight away. It’s veggie and vegan friendly without being at all shoutie about it … brill!

Creme de la creme

The staff were an absolute delight and they soon had us set up with some absolutely delicious lunch. The problem was that there was so much delicious lunch that we feared we might not manage the scoLogo of Singl-end Café, Garnethillnes we had spotted earlier. Undeterred, however, we let our tummies settle down for a while then ordered our scones. When we asked for cream with our scones a funny thing happened. But first let us ask a question. “What cheese would you use to hide a horse?” Don’t think about it too long …  it’s mascarpone, obviously! When we asked for cream our waitress said “It’s mascarpone cream” followed by “Its nice” when she saw our consternation. It’s veggie so it fits with their ethos. So the final order was a fruit scone for Pat and a blueberry and pistachio scone with blackcurrant jam and mascarpone cream for me. Life on  the edge.

A scone at the Singl-end Café, GlasgowOne very noticeable thing about this place is that the service is almost instantaneous. lightening quick! So, almost immediately, our scones were in front of us served up on wooden chopping boards. They were really good and the mascarpone cream was really good as well.  We loved everything about Singl-end Café & Bakehouse. There is another Singl-end nearer the city centre but we wish they would venture out to the provinces and open one nearer us.

Mickey Mouse

Each table in Singl-end has a glass top and underneath the glass is an array of odd and totally unrelated items – postcards, bits of hand written letters, drawings and sketches … a really fascinating Grenada postage stampmiscellany of stuff. At my seat a stamp from Grenada caught my eye. Can you ever see the UK issuing a stamp featuring Donald Duck? We can’t imagine anything ever inducing the ‘stiff upper lip’ British government to do such a thing. One featuring Mickey Mouse might be appropriate though considering the present state of our politics. The other Donald seems to be pulling all the strings in our upcoming election. Acting on The Donald’s instructions, Nigel Farage has suddenly gone from all principled and powerful back to his usual sniveling self.

Another question “What cheese would you use to coax a bear out of a tree?” The answer – camembert! We know, the jokes are even worse than the politics!

G3 6TT       tel: 0141 353 1277          Singl-end Café and Bakehouse

///pans.slows.simply

ps It is with great sadness that we report the passing of one of our correspondents who hailed from Stenhousemuir … the SteniBrainFart. He contributed to several posts like Brians Café and The Loft. We named him thus because of his uncanny knack of instantly coming up with oodles of useless information on just about any subject under the sun. He was proud of the name and signed his emails with it. He will be greatly missed.

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Muircot Farm Shop

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Old photo of Muircot Farm Shop, Tillicoultry
I, at least, am getting old. I remember this sort of scene growing up in Glen Isla

Now that the summer is pretty well over we have reverted to our old routine of going to the early morning show at our local Hippodrome cinema. Today we saw The Farewell, a true story about lies … no, nothing to do with Boris! We thoroughly enjoyed it. It was our kind of film … no loud sounds, no nudity, no violence and no CGI. Are we getting old?

Afterwards we decide to act on a tip off we had received from our ever diligent Trossachs correspondents. They flagged up Muircot Farm Shop as a place they thought we would enjoy. It’s just outside the Clackmannanshire village of Coalsnaughton so not too far to drive after our movie.

Old photo of Muircot Farm Shop, Tillicoultry
I remember this precursor to the combine harvester as well. Nowadays we can proudly say that we know someone with nine combine harvesters … yes, nine!
Good advice

Those Trossachs folk know us too well. We were super impressed by everything. In some ways it is just like a multitude of other farm shops … a big shed! However this one seemed to have a slightly different vibe. Not sure if it was the warm and friendly staff, the spacious layout or the fabulous view of the Ochil hills, but it just felt good.

Internal view of Muircot Farm Shop, TillicoultryAs we ordered some lunch and were trying to make up our minds whether to have a scone each or to share one, our waitress said “you will get a lot of bread with your soup“. Sound advice as it turned out. Almost half a loaf of wonderfully soft whole meal bread made us very glad we decided to share a scone.

Topscone was an easy decision right from the start. Just the right size, wonderful texture with plenty of fruit and lots of jam and cream to go with it. Judging by the healthy portion sizes, you got the feeling that this place is run by a farmer’s wife. No one is going to leave hungry. Inevitably, in farm shops, you are tempted to buy a lot of stuff from the shop. That’s the whole idea after all! This was no exception. We came away with a great selection of goodies to take home.

The final solution

Recently we have met many people confused about what is happening with Brexit. When we say that we know what is happening they are surprised and relieved when it is explained. For the bewildered of the world, here is our explanation:

  • 31st Oct – we leave the EU (do or die)
  • 1st Nov – Scotland gets independence
  • 2nd Nov – Scotland rejoins the EU
  • 3rd Nov – Scotland writes to the wise one, Donald Trump, asking advice on how to build a wall and get England to pay for it.

You will, of course, understand that this timetable is not set in stone. There may be some movement on specific dates. Never mind though, Brexit sanctuary can always be sought at Muircot Farm Shop. Excellent tip off

View of Ochil hills from Muircot Farm Shop, Tillicoultry
View towards Tillycoultry and the Ochil hills

FK13 6LS       tel: 01259 750886        Muircot Coffee Shop

///rotate.cashiers.enhances

ps  Thanks must go to our newest correspondents from Devon.  They sent us this picture of a Falkirk made K6 … not in Devon, but in Gramasdal on the Isle of Benbecula.  They were out for a walk!Carron foundry K6 at Gramasdal, Benbecula

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Pips

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There’s an old saying, “giving someone the pip”. It derives from ‘the Pip’ which used to be a disease of chickens but, in modern day parlance, means to annoy or irritate. Now far be it from us to suggest that our Prime Minister was giving us the pip but we were really looking forward to the prorogation of Westminster so that we would not have to put up with him for a while. But then, all of a sudden, up pops a triumvirate of Scottish judges to say the prorogation was actually illegal. Boris had been telling porky pies to the Queen. Will he end up in the Tower? Will he keep his head? Watch this space. If you want news of the UK’s first beheading in a while just keep reading the scones. You will be the first to know. We’re pretty sure he would have simply talked to her in his usual blustering way and dear old HRH wouldn’t have had a clue what he was on about … just like the rest of us!

So, given that Scottish judgement, maybe Parliament hasn’t been prorogued after all …. arrrgghh!

Internal view of Pips Coffee Shop in CallanderAnyway, talking of pips, here we are in Callander, in Pips Coffee Shop. We had spent the morning helping my aunt, who lives here, celebrate her 95th birthday. Nothing too outrageous, just a cup of tea, a biscuit and lots of chat. It was great to see her in such good form.

Busy, busy!

After we left, rather than drive straight home we decided to get some lunch before we left town. The last time we tried Pips it was closed and we ended up in Applejacks. Today, however, it was open … and very busy. There seemed to be only one young girl clearing tables, serving everything and manning the cash desk. She was literally running the whole time but simultaneously managing to be polite and welcoming to everyone … amazing!

A scone at Pips Coffee Shop in CallanderWe had spotted the scones on our way in. They looked quite big so we decided to share one after our meal. Everything was great, however, our scone did not look that promising. Having reviewed almost 340 scones, in our expert opinion it looked pretty solid. Our expectations were correspondingly low. What do we know? It was rather wonderful. Not crunchy at all but instead had a taste and texture that was surprisingly nice. Expectations confounded yet again. By the time we had finished the café was inexplicably empty. Thankfully our young lady might get some respite. A topscone, so well done Pips.

Hard earned title snatched

When we asked who Pip was, no one seemed to know. They said it was lost in the mists of time. Is it too much to ask that Boris follow Pip. At least one person is happy … Theresa May! She has had her title as ‘worst Prime Minister ever’ immediately snatched from her. If nothing else, Bojo has achieved that!

Callander main street
Main Street, Callander

FK17 8BL           tel: 01877 330470            Pips Coffee Shop TA

///engineers.union.equipping

ps There is a curious thing going on at the moment in our home town of Falkirk. A campaign has been mounted to save the last of the town’s K6 telephone boxes from removal. They were manufactured in Falkirk so form part of the town’s heritage. The Council, however, appears to have little interest.

We are once again indebted to our Trossachs correspondents who have sent pictures of this K6 in Portsmouth.  A K6 telephone box in PortsmouthPortsmouth’s Council obviously have much more in the way of imagination than Falkirk’s. They also sent this photo of a cannon at Gunwharf Quay in Portsmouth. Made at Carron Iron Works in 1810.A Carron cannon in Portsmouth

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Airth Castle Hotel

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We had actually been invited to Airth Castle Hotel. Who on earth would invite a couple of sad sconeys to a place like this we hear you ask? A.R.D. Consultancy Ltd is the answer. They are lovely people. We charge them with ensuring that we continue to live the indulgent hedonistic lifestyle to which we have become so very very accustomed. So far they have done pretty well. At least, as you all know, we can still afford the odd scone here and there. It just so happens that this is A.R.D.’s twentieth year in existence, hence the invite to help them celebrate this significant milestone.Internal view of Airth Castle Hotel & Spa

Understanding

Although Airth Castle Hotel is only a ten minute drive from where we live we decided to stay overnight … just because! In order to make full use of our stay we arrived mid afternoon and after settling into our room we went exploring in search of a scone. Nothing is straight forward here! Initially we phoned up to reserve a room but were told that we couldn’t do that because the staff that do reservations had gone home?? We had to resort to the internet and Booking.com. It was a similar story with our scones. Having asked for tea and scones we were seated and then given a menu …  what’s not to understand about a request for tea and scones? We settled on a cream tea.

What’s a cream tea?

Pat’s tea and my coffee arrived very promptly and then we waited for the scones, and we waited, and we waited … and we waited. About twenty minutes later, when we were just about to have our scones prorogued (it’s our new word) they arrived. They arrived complete with a plate of fruit kebabs (bits of fruit skewered on a stick) and a couple of glasses full of a pink yogurt like substance. When we asked what it was, our waitress said “Oh, is that not part of a cream tea?” and then, with a look of bewilderment “I’ve no idea what a cream tea is” … ehh? She took the kebabs away “to check” and we never saw her or them again.

Dilemma

By this time, as you can probably imagine, we were less than impressed. Dutifully, however, we set about our scones with as much enthusiasm as we could muster. In our heads these scones were already consigned to oblivion but, damn it, they were absolutely delicious. Scones at Airth Castle Hotel & SpaWarm and wonderfully crunchy on the outside and super soft on the inside. We had had to wait so long that my coffee had gone cold. When fresh stuff arrived, however, we thoroughly enjoyed everything we had. To begin with we thought that, given everything that had gone wrong, it would be impossible to award a topscone. Then, however, we decided that life was too short and awarded one anyway. Well done Airth Castle Hotel but please please get the rest of your act together.

Fat rascals

No, nothing to do with Boris and his millionaire buddies. After our scones we had to go back to our room and get ourselves dolled up for the evening’s festivities. And what and evening it was! Much fun was had by all. A.R.D.’s Yorkshire roots were on display. Everyone was given a goodie bag containing a teabag of Yorkshire tea, a chocolate guinea from Betty’s Yorkshire tearoom and a scone. No ordinary scone mind you … a fat rascal! Now the A.R.D. management were adamant that it was not a scone. A Yorkshire fat rascalThey are aware of our dalliance with scones but maintained that this was a perfectly unique Yorkshire delicacy and totally unrelated to a scone. When we looked at Betty’s website, however, we found  that it was indeed a scone, albeit a Yorkshire one … at least a distant cousin. Typically perhaps, they just do things differently down in England’s nether regions.

336 scones and still learning

A fat rascal has a cheeky smiling face made out of almonds and glacé cherries. It also contains citrus peel and juicy currants. Betty recommends that they be eaten warmed and buttered and that’s exactly how we had them the following day. They were markedly sweeter than a ‘normal’ scone but absolutely delicious … lots of buttery fruitiness. With a lot of scones under our belts … literally, and thinking there wasn’t much to add to our sconological knowledge base, along comes a fat rascal! Brilliant!

ARD sign at Airth CastleIs there something slightly disconcerting about giving someone all your money and in return they give you a chocolate guinea and a fat rascal? That grinning face? Should we be worried? Many thanks to A.R.D. for a great night and for expanding our wealth, sconologically at least .

FK2 8JF      tel: 01324 831411      Airth Castle & Spa

///scorched.willpower.rolled

ps We are indebted to Duncan Comrie. He has launched a campaign to save the last five K6 telephone boxes from BT’s removal programme in Falkirk. A Stenhousemuir K6 in need of savingHe produced this photograph of a K6 in Stenhousemuir which is obviously in need of some TLC as a typical example. It was manufactured in Falkirk and is representative of Falkirk’s industrial heritage. Ways of preserving them, including a heritage trail are actively being pursued. Anyone interested in supporting his efforts can attend a meeting on 2nd Sept in Bainsford Community Centre at 7pm. Fingers crossed he meets with success.

Scones, Top

Japanese Gardens at Cowden

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This has definitely not been Prince Andrew’s week. He has won the “Most Useless Royal” accolade, admittedly against some very stiff competition. Presumably he also thinks he has thrown the media off the scent over his association with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. Good luck with that one! So desperate is he to regain some sort of respectability he is even thinking of getting back together with his ex-wife, Sarah. Alternatively he may just have to disappear for a while, but don’t worry, we have plenty more Royals lined up to take his title.

Gardens

Enough of that distasteful stuff! Such is the preponderance of Japanese gardens in central Scotland we have had to call this one the ‘Japanese Gardens at Cowden’ to differentiate them from the ‘Japanese Gardens at Dalziel House’. Who would have thought it? Both are just a short drive from where we live yet, until today, we had never been to either of them.

Oriental influences

We had spent the previous day chatting with a friend who lives in Tokyo and had our heads filled with everything Japanese. Hence today, feeling suitably inspired we set off for Cowden where we knew there was a Japanese garden. What’s one Japanese garden doing in the heart of Scotland you may well ask, never mind two? Well, this one is all down to one of these redoubtable Victorian ladies, Isabella ‘Ella’ Christie. She was born into money but she was remarkable because instead of sitting quietly doing embroidery, like many of her contemporaries, she traveled the world on her own. Particularly to countries like India, Tibet and Borneo. It was a visit to Japan, however, that sparked a fascination with their gardens and when she returned to Scotland she set about creating one here at Cowden Castle, her ancestral home, long since demolished.

View of the Japanese Garden at CowdenApparently when she was aged fifty and waiting for a train at the local station she was asked if she was traveling to Edinburgh … “no, Samarkand” was the reply. Gives you a sense of her indomitable spirit. To create the garden she even imported Japanese gardeners to help her with the task. Together they created a fabulous garden centered around a wee loch in the castle grounds. Sadly after Ella’s death in 1949 the garden suffered from neglect. Happily, it is now restored thanks to a charitable Trust. You can get an idea of the work that has been done in this little video.

Of course, we also knew that there was a tearoom at the gardens … as if an added incentive was necessary? Surprised though to find that the building housing the tearoom was nothing more than a rather utilitarian looking portakabin. Neverthel less, it served its purpose and we suspect that this is only a temporary arrangement until the charity that runs everything gets enough money to build something a bit more substantial. All the inside seats were taken so we had no choice but to sit outside. On a day like to today that’s what we would have chosen to do anyway.

Exciting!

We were served by a lovely elderly lady who began by apologising profusely for her lack of expertise. ThiA scone at the tearoom at The Japanese Garden at Cowdens was her first day doing this sort of work. Exciting for her and for us. We needn’t have worried though she soon had us sorted with some lunch and a fruit scone to share. The scone came with a little pot of jam and loads of whipped cream. For some reason we did not have high expectations and were pleasantly confounded when it turned out to be excellent. Topscone without a doubt!

The entrance to the Japanese Garden at Cowden
entrance to the gardens

One of Ella’s favourite haunts was Kashmir and we wonder what she would have made of the current disastrous situation there. In fact, what would she make of anything that is going on these days? Burning rain forests, Brexit, Trump, Johnson and Miley Cyrus‘ new tattoo? We are sure she would have found it all terribly tiresome. Ella called her Japanese Garden at Cowden ‘The Place of Pleasure and Delight’ … boy, do we need more places like that these days.

FK14 7PL       tel: 07570 614763        Japanese Garden

///racing.films.afterglow

ps Our Kiwi correspondents  have kindly sent a picture of some scones they thought were particularly good. They got them and some apple cake while dropping off some bulk fertiliser to friends in Whangarei just north of Aukland … don’t ask!They look absolutely delicious. Unfortunately, however, for readers, they are unavailable to the common people. Unless, of course, you happen to know Mary, their friend?Some Whangarei scones in New Zealand

 

Scones, Top

Mill House Pop Up Coffee Shop

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It was a surprise when our correspondent, the Pedant, reported the existence of a café in the tiny hamlet of Monzie. It’s not so much that Monzie is isolated, it’s just a few miles from Crieff after all. It’s just that it’s on a very minor road that hardly anyone uses. If you were to be run down on this road it would most likely be by a farmer on a tractor or a speeding quad bike.

Happy days

On the other hand, I know it extremely well. As a young lad, my brother and I, came to our aunt and uncle’s house in the summer and it was just a few hundred yards from here. Looking back these were idyllic days. This piece of country was our adventure playground. No water in the house … we had to collect it every day from a spring, however, I don’t remember anything remotely resembling hardship. And the sun shone every day! On reflection, of course, it couldn’t have been easy for my aunt and uncle without all the modern day paraphernalia we now take for granted but they always seemed extremely happy with their lot. Of course, maybe they were just happy when I was there?

Green machine

My aunt had magical powers.  She employed them when she made banana flip. A seemingly ordinary dish consisting of custard and, you guessed it, bananas. No one else, however, came within a million miles of making it the way she did. My uncle was a jolly round man and, for me, a kind of superhero. The Invicta road roller horse badgeNot only could he play any instrument he picked up, be it a trombone or an accordion, he drove a road roller. He was employed by the local Council. Not only that, he was allowed to take it home at night. This huge lumbering green machine sat there outside the house as an object of complete wonderment to a wee boy. A big rearing horse badge on the front … like a ferrari but much better!

Laying claim

Anyway, it turns out that the Mill House at Monzie is now run as a boutiqueExternal view of the Mill House Pop Up Cafe at Monzie B &B. When it has gaps in it’s B&B calendar they do this pop up café so it’s only open now and then. But would a café in such a quiet spot be successful? It was crying out for further investigation. We arrived on a beautiful sunny day to find that we were the only ones there. The café itself is well appointed and it had a range of fantastic looking gateaux … and scones. Internal view of the Mill House Pop Up Cafe at MonzieThe delightful young chap who looked after us said that he could not lay claim to the cakes but he could with the scones. He had baked them earlier. So far so good!

All the scones were plain so we had one each. They came with loads of butter, jam and cream. All the jams were home made. The coffee and tea was excellent as well. It all looked very promising. A scone at the Mill House Pop Up Cafe at MonzieWe really hope that this pop up is successful because they obviously put a lot into it and everything we had was fantastic. The gateaux were to die for and scones were top. Well done Monzie! And when we were leaving others were arriving, hurragh!

Diary dates

If you want to visit this beautiful peaceful part of the country and support this venture, here are the dates it will be operating.

  • 1. Tuesday 30 July – 1 Aug  10.30-4pm
  • 2. Tuesday 6 – Saturday 10 Aug   10.30-4pm (Sat 11-5pm)
  • 3. Tuesday 13 – Wednesday 14 August 10.30-4pm
  • 4. Tuesday 20  – Thursday 22 Aug 10.30-4pm
Bats in the belfry

We couldn’t leave Monzie without visiting the church next door where my uncle was beadle for many years and pay respects at the superhero’s grave.Monzie kirk and Muriel and Jim's graveMy uncle used to take my brother and I along to the church to help him get it spic and span for the Sunday services. My aunt would do the flowers. At that time there were bats in the belfry, wonder if they are still there. The church was open so we were able to go inside and reflect on life in Monzie and elsewhere. My aunt and uncle led very simple but happy lives. Much of their time was spent helping others and in service to their community. About a million miles from Trump and his sad little mean life.

Old bridge over the Shaggie burn at Monzie
The old bridge over the Shaggie burn at Monzie doesn’t see much traffic these days

PH7 4HE         tel: 07815 737130        Mill House Café FB

///flipper.again.canal

ps One of our Aussie correspondents sent us this photo of a K6 at Airlie Beach in the Whitsunday region of Queensland. It wasn’t underwater! The chap floating above it was advertising surfing stuff. Unfortunately its position meant that the manufacturer’s badge was inaccessible.K6 at Airlie Beach, Queensland, Australia

Useful link: things to do in Crieff