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These are the best scones we have found so far.

Scones, Top

The Artisan Café

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The Artisan Café lies halfway between Crianlarich and Tyndrum in what used to be the Old Church.  It could easily be described as being in the middle of nowhere and as a consequence, you could easily think that nothing much has ever happened here. However, you would be wrong!

External view of the Artisan Café, TyndrumThe glen is Strathfillan, so-called because Fillan brought Christianity to the area in the 8th century from Iona. He had come from Ireland and had run a monastery in Fife before retiring to this area.

Dunking mad folk?

Apparently he was quite a guy. His left arm glowed which meant that he could write scriptures in the dark. He’s also the patron saint of the mentally ill. Such people would be dipped in St Fillan’s Pool in the Fillan river just behind the church and left tied up naked overnight. A cure had been achieved if the bonds were loosened by the morning. If not the process was repeated. He also persuaded the wolf that killed his ox to pull his plough instead of the ox. Where is St Fillan now, in our time of need? He would have made short work of a puny virus. And no, even after a prolonged period of self-isolation, we are not here to be dunked and tied up naked. Just a scone. We are not here at all, of course, all this was before the lockdown.

A sign at the Artisan Café, TyndrumHaving said that we could also be here to pan for gold. Considering the stock market has gone through the floor and the price of gold has rocketed, that’s not such a daft idea. The nearby Cononish gold mine is Scotland’s only commercial gold mine. In 1306, Robert the Bruce was given sanctuary here after he had murdered his rival for the crown, John Comyn, in a Dumfries church . He was tracked down, however, and had to flee when encountering vastly superior forces at nearby Dalrigh, the King’s Field. So, over time, quite a lot has happened in this tranquil little Highland glen but the most recent development has been this Artisan Café. It first opened about two years ago.

Internal view of the Artisan Café, Tyndrum
A view showing the original church organ to the right
Fresh food

The interior is as you would expect of a disused church. Lofty ceilings and plenty of space. There could easily be a mezzanine floor if they ever wanted to expand. It’s called the Artisan Café because it has lots of craft type things for sale, mostly by local artists. There’s stuff all over the place which tends to give it a slightly cluttered appearance. We were given a warm welcome though and shown to a seat beside the log burning stove. Everything is freshly made here on the premises so we were looking forward to sampling some of the food.

A cheere scones and a fruit scone at Artisan Café
Pat’s carrot and coriander soup with cheese scone and my fruit scone

Pat opted for ‘soup and a scone’ which turned out to be absolutely delicious. I had decided on caulifower and brocolli soup with a sandwich followed by a fruit scone and coffee. It was also delicious. We have to hand it to folks who start up a business like this in these remote parts. Their business will have been closed for several weeks now because of the coronavirus which must be heartbreaking. They got a topscone though so hopefully we will be able to look in again at some future date and get another one.

Confidence in government?

As the date for the return to normality recedes ever further into the distance we have little choice but to knuckle down and get on with it. It doesn’t help though when this lamentable government resorts to outright misinformation. Yesterday, the even more lamentable Michael Gove tried to blame the lack of COVID-19 testing on a shortage of the necessary reagents. Something which the industry point bland denies. No shortage Michael, just a government asleep on the job.

Habit

Talking of sleep, strange things happen when you are in lockdown. Every night before bed I take the change from my pocket and place it on the bedside table. Every morning I lift it and put it back in my pocket. It’s a habit! I just noticed, however, that the total amount is £10.36 … two £5 notes, one 20p, one 10p, one 5p and one 1p. It’s been that for almost three weeks. Self-isolation is cheap if nothing else! So why do I still do it? Answers on a postcard.

FK20 8RU.     tel: 01838 400391            Artisan

///brightens.confused.blackouts

ps: We are indebted to some of our Aussie correspondents (these ones are from Perth)  who have sent this movie of a live scone review caught on camera. This is footage which we think David Attenborough would be proud of. Filmed by the intrepid Mairi in the Café Red at Ricardoes tomato & strawberry farm near Port Macquarie in New South Wales. Strange in that we were, very recently, at Lachlan Macquarie’s grave on the Isle of Mull.

Elaine’s date and ginger scone definitely got the thumbs up. However, although an acknowledged expert on lamb chops and banana splits, John’s lack of experience with scones showed when his initially 10 out of 10 rating for his pumpkin scone was later downgraded to ‘rubbish’. Let that be a lesson. You can’t rush a scone tasting!

Scones, Top, topweird

The Little Bakery

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Today we are in South Queensferry at The Little Bakery. It’s a bit of a misnomer because once you get inside it’s really quite big. There’s a couple of seating areas at the front, another at the side and yet another downstairs at the back. The town itself is very pretty with narrow cobbled streets and quaint houses. It’s designed for horses and carts rather than the juggernauts that are here today creating chaos as they try to manoeuvre between the buildings with inches to spare.

A view of the Forth Bridge
The Forth Rail Bridge, opened exactly 130 years ago

Nothing much has changed here over the centuries other than the addition of the odd bridge or three. And, as you walk around, it’s olde worlde charm makes it very easy to forget what a crazy crazy world we live in.

A view of the Forth Road Bridge
The Forth Road Bridge and the Queensferry Crossing
Good British viruses

President Trump has just banned all travel to the US from Europe because of coronavirus. Mysteriously, the UK has an exemption, however. This must be one of the first benefits of not being in Europe or does he not realise that although we’ve left the EU, we haven’t actually physically moved. Or does Trump have an ulterior motive, a trade deal perhaps? Yes, think we’ll go with that one. Or maybe he thinks the British virus, is much healthier than those from countries that don’t speak English. Who knows what, if anything, goes on in his head? Thankfully his aides have now come out to correct everything he said.

Internal view of the Little Bakery, South QueensferryThe Chancellor, Rishi Sunak, delivered his first budget the other day. It was full of bountiful gifts for ‘the people’. The only thing lacking was any sense of a grip on reality. Apparently, the past decade has been forgotten where untold hardships were inflicted on the poor so that the rich could get richer. And it’s not as if all this austerity now puts us in a position where we have accumulated enough that we can dish out money left, right and centre. No, no, no, it will all have to be borrowed, about £100bn! Brilliant, I could be Chancellor!

Meaningless opposition

We don’t blame Boris or Rishi however, we blame Jeremy Corbyn.  Having no idea what he or his party stood for, he left the people with no choice but to vote Tory and hence we end up where we are today. And he’s still there at the Dispatch Box … a totally meaningless opposition figure. Go Jeremy, just go!

A scone at the Little Bakery, South QueensferryThis is all very well but we can hear you crying “Were there scones at the Little Bakery? Just get to the point?” Okay, yes there were!

Not only scones but an array of delicious looking baking that could easily have induced overindulgence. We maintained discipline, however, and after a light lunch, we just had our scones. Pat had fruit and I had a raspberry and chocolate chip. It had to be done! They were fab! Wonderful texture and with a lovely crunch. The only downside was messy fingers from the melting chocolate. A real dilemma when you’re not supposed to lick your fingers nowadays. We just licked anyway! Having forgotten to ask for cream we ended up not bothering.  To be honest the scones were so good they didn’t need any further embellishment. This is a really nice place and we think that you would be hard pushed to have a disappointing visit. Easiest topscone in ages.

A wall of flowers at the Little Bakery, South Queensferry
A wall of flowers at the Little Bakery
Lucky, lucky, lucky

We have reviewed several scones in South Queensferry. Five years ago we reviewed the Jitter Bean Café. That was when the EU was in the process of bailing out Greece with a £50bn loan. When we left the Little Bakery we thought we would take a stroll and see how it was doing. Sadly it has gone and been changed into something else. As far as we know, Greece is still there so it must have fared a bit better. While we walked along the street we came on this large wall plaque. When you consider that back in 1817 the inhabitants of South Queensferry were indebted to the ‘liberality’ of someone for a bleaching green and some water we should be a little more thankful for what we have today. We are all very lucky really. Okay, we’re a bit short on bleaching greens but we do have water and raspberry and chocolate chip scones!

EH30 9PP       tel: 0131 319 2255        Little Bakery

///disco.flesh.organisms

Scones, Top

McMoos Café

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The coronavirus plague continues. We have been told that the best way to counter the infection is to wash your hands while singing God Save The Queen. Surely that’s equivalent to telling folks to get under the table in the event of a nuclear attack? We are still braving the virus, however. We travelled a whole four miles to the Hippodrome Cinema in Bo’ness. Perhaps a cinema in the middle of the day is not the best place to be midst plague – quite a bit of snoring  ….  or was it death rattles?A wall picture at McMoos in Bo'ness

On this occasion, the movie was Emma, an adaption of Jane Austen’s 1815 novel. When we came out after the film, lo and behold, what was directly opposite the cinema? A new café no less! It is right next door to Brian’s Café and in the same street as 1884, both of which we have reviewed previously. It was called McMoos … don’t ask!

External view of the Hippodrome Cinema, Bo'ness
The Hippodrome opened in 1912 – it is Scotland’s oldest surviving cinema

But first, the film. If you like costume dramas this is the film for you. The costumes and settings are fabulous. The main character, Emma, is a beautiful overprivileged twenty one year old snob who likes nothing better than messing with other people’s love lives. The film gently follows her interfering ways (hence the snoring) until eventually, she falls foul of her own meddling. Suffice to say, like all such dramas, she gets her man in the end. It’s beautifully filmed and an easy watch.

No scones

The most surprising thing about the film was the complete lack of scones. We thought there would have been at least one scene with those aristocratic types taking afternoon tea in a wildflower meadow surrounded by a dozen or so servants. Then we remembered that afternoon tea wasn’t invented until twenty-five years later. 1840, that’s when the Duchess of Bedford felt she couldn’t make it through to her evening meal without a mid-afternoon snack. Pity really, however, although no scones were featured we still enjoyed the film.Internal view at McMoos in Bo'nessFor scones, we had to go all the way across the street to the aforementioned McMoos. It’s only been open a short time and as our friendly waitress explained: “We are still finding our feet“. A scone a t McMoos in Bo'nessOur scones were held back until we had finished a light lunch, then she returned and asked: “Would you like me to pop your scones in the oven now?” Nice.

The scones were quite big.  Not baked on the premises but we were assured, that they had been “Baked this morning by our own special baker“. We got a lovely little bowl of blackcurrant jam and some English clotted cream and Danish butter. Don’t you think that with a very Scottish name like McMoos, the butter at least could have been Scottish? Anyway, the scones were really good. And because they are still ‘finding their feet’ we put lapses in scone accoutrements down to inexperience and awarded a topscone. Well done McMoos, we wish you well.

Relationships

In 1815, when Austen was writing Emma, the Duke of Wellington was busy giving that French upstart, Napoleon, a jolly good seeing to at the Battle of Waterloo in Belgium. Did you realise that at one time our relationship with Europe was difficult?

View from McMoos in Bo'ness
View from McMoos

EH51 0AA.     tel: 01506 828983        McMoos FB

///inflation.things.braked

Scones, Top

The American Colony Hotel

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Well, here we are at the American Colony Hotel in Jerusalem. Not us obviously but our ever-diligent Middle East correspondent who sent a very comprehensive communiqué on his recent encounter with a scone. As he says the hotel lies “just a scone’s throw” from the Green Line. That’s the demarcation line drawn out on the map using green ink in 1949, separating Israeli and Arab lands. Jerusalem is probably the most religious city in the world and therefore also the most divided. However, because the hotel is owned by a mixture of Americans, Brits and Swedes, it is seen as ‘neutral’. A place where Arabs, Israelis and anyone else can happily meet over afternoon tea. A little oasis of civilisation in a turbulent land!Courtyard at the American Colony Hotel, Jerusalem

History

Our correspondent reports that it was originally built in the late 1800s by a high ranking Ottoman noble man, for himself and his four wives. What a guy, four wives and still got time to build stuff!
In 1895 it was used by a Christian family from Chicago who travelled to Palestine in order to find peace in the Holy city and to offer aid to families in distress.  By 1902, however, under Baron Ustinov (grandfather of, actor, Sir Peter Ustinov), it became the American Colony Hotel we see today.

Internal view of the American Colony Hotel, Jerusalem

The downside of living abroad

We suspect that the scones were not the primary reason for our correspondent’s visit … the hotel also has the best English bookshop in the region. However, he did have what he referred to as “A substantial afternoon tea served with an array of fresh sandwiches and then the scones some with and some without berries. Let us not forget the real cream and strawberries.” A scone at the American Colony Hotel, JerusalemThis, “adventure into nostalgia” was to be his first scone in over a year … the downside of living abroad.  But were they any good? Yes, topscones in his book. He also thought his Irish granny would have said “Lovely scones son, but will you ever get your hair cut?” If they’re good enough for his granny that’s good enough for us. Well done the American Colony Hotel.

Meddling

The great and the good have all stayed here … from Lawrence of Arabia to Bob Dylan. And if anyone is wondering where Tony Blair, disappeared to after the disastrous Iraq War then you need have looked no further than the first floor of this hotel. In a moment of madness, someone somewhere saw fit to appoint him peace envoy to the Middle East! He took the entire floor of the hotel for five years before eventually giving up. Now he runs the Tony Blair Institute for Global Change. And, of course, that allows him to meddle pointlessly in everybody’s politics.Logo of American Colony Hotel

Many thanks to our Middle East correspondent. We are relieved and happy that he has ended his year-long scone fast.

97200, Israel        tel: +972 2-627-9777         American Colony

///vowing.fairy.burns

Scones, Top

The Elephant House

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Welcome to the Elephant House, “The Birthplace of Harry Potter”. As far as Pat and I are concerned, we are aware of Harry Potter but that’s about it. Our knowledge and enthusiasm do not extend much beyond that.

picture of an elephant
One of the many elephant pictures at the Elephant House. This one eyeing up our scones

At the moment, however, we have two mini people living with us and for them, it is a different story entirely. They worship the very ground Harry walks on. And they are not the only ones. Legions of similarly minded people descend on this place simply because JK Rowling wrote some of the books in the backroom of this café. To be fair, other authors used it as well. Ian Rankin of Rebus fame and Alexander McCall-Smith who wrote the No1 Ladies Detective Agency to name but two.

Internal view of the Elephant House, EdinburghThe Harry Potter phenomena

But it’s the Harry Potter fame that has done for this place. It’s a veritable Mecca for Potter fans who make pilgrimages from all over the world, China in particular. The menu is printed in English and Chinese and there’s a mountain of memorabilia for sale. It’s quite a big café but we still had to wait about twenty minutes to be seated. The days of it being a hang out for aspiring authors have long gone. Even if they could get in, the atmosphere is pretty frenetic and hardly conducive to creative thinking. Having said that, it’s not difficult to imagine Rowling sitting here, gazing out the window at Edinburgh Castle and coming up with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She eventually gave rise to the most successful book series of all time. Apparently it’s worth £4bn to the UK economy. Amazing!

A scone at the Elephant House, EdinburghThat’s all very well but would Harry have waved his magic wand over the scones? Well, he may well have done, they were very good.  Someone commented, “the service is so slow in here, anyone could write a book.” However, we found that, although the staff seemed to be run off their feet, they remained remarkably cheerful amidst the general busyness. The scones came with prepacked jam and a nice little bowl of clotted cream. Normally we like a bit of crunchiness to our scones but these were none the worse for being soft throughout. Our mini people gave the final verdict, thumbs up and a chorus of “we love scones” … topscone!

Graffiti in the toilets of the Elephant House
The owners have given up repainting the toilets. Potter fans scrawl their messages everywhere

This is certainly not the cheapest café in town but if there is a constant queue of people wanting to get in you can probably charge whatever you like.

The Harry Potter stories are about the gentle polite underdog eventually triumphing over evil. At the moment we desperately need Harry to go up against the current UK government and their draconian immigration policies. Unbelievable considering every one of them are either immigrants or the offspring of immigrants. The demented Prime Minister, Boris Johnson was born in the USA of Turkish descent; the Hindu Chancellor, Rishi Sunak’s parents were from Punjab; the loathsome Home Secretary, Priti Patel’s parents were Ugandan Indian and the deranged First Secretary of State, Dominic Raab’s were from Czechoslovakia. Their families have been welcomed into Britain in the past but now they are pulling up the ladder! If they get their way the Elephant House, along with every other restaurant in Edinburgh, won’t have any staff. Harry will have to work extra hard on his magical anti-fascist spells.

EH1 1EN      tel: 0131 220 5355       Elephant House

///spike.hurry.thank

Scones, Top

Palm Court

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Well, here we are, our first scone since leaving Europe. The choice was either to go into some sort of maudling inward-looking period of navel-gazing or go out and have a scone. Afternoon tea graphic at the Palm CourtGuess which one we chose? In addition, we felt that we might as well celebrate our newfound freedom from the civilising influences of our EU friends with something a bit posh. Hence you find us closeted in the rather sumptuous confines of the Palm Court in Edinburgh’s Balmoral Hotel.

The exterior of the hotel is a marvelous confection in stone (Balmoral means “the majestic dwelling” in Gaelic) and the inside is equally elaborate. However, if you are one of those who only feel truly relaxed in the surroundings of a greasy spoon diner, this is not the place for you. On our long sconological journey, we have come to tolerate sumptuous surroundings like this with relative ease. The benefits of perseverance.

Palm Court logoWe’re here because one of the advantages of writing a scone blog is that friends and family tend to buy us gifts in line with our interests … and, as you know, we have very narrow interests. So it was on this occasion, a complimentary champagne afternoon tea … yeah! Many thanks to our benefactors. We were on time. The hotel is perched above Waverley Station so the clock is always set three minutes fast as an aid to travellers trying to catch a train. Hogmanay is the one exception in the year when it is spot on.

Famous faces

Internal view of the Palm Court, Balmoral HotelFilm stars, Prime Ministers and Royalty have all stayed here, so of course, we felt at home straight away. Suite 552 is even named after JK Rowling who wrote her final Harry Potter novel here. Once we had got past the suitably suited and booted doorman we were welcomed by a lovely young lady called Lucy. She hailed from Menton in the south of France, a part of the world we know quite well. Monte Carlo and all that! A few months back we even posted a scone from the Scotch Tea House in Nice. champagne afternoon teaAnyway, Lucy had been doing a hospitality course back home and when she finished she chose Scotland for her first real job. We warmed to her immediately. She settled us in and soon had us sorted with a couple of glasses of Charles Heidsieck champs while we perused the tea menu.

Tea pouring ceremony at Palm CourtI opted for the Cloud tea for no other reason than that’s where all my personal data resides. Pat went for 2nd flush … not sure why. We’re not great tea connoisseurs. However, it’s nice to try new ones every now and again even though we always revert back to good old breakfast tea. When ours arrived another young lady shattered our nerves by pouring the boiling water into the teapots from a great height. Not sure if that enhances the taste in any way but it certainly gave the whole procedure an air of high drama. She didn’t spill a drop!

Three tiers

Normally, with an afternoon tea, everything comes on a three-tier cake stand. Savouries on the bottom, scones in the middle and cakes on top. Not here! We did get the cake stand but all three tiers were laden with savoury items … it was only the first course. Everything was delicious.Scones at the Palm Court, Balmoral Hotel, EdinburghLater we got the second course – the scones. As expected there were two each and they came beautifully warm, lightly dusted with icing sugar and presented with lots of jam and clotted cream. Meanwhile, Lucy refreshed our teapots and generally ensured that we lacked for nothing. Unsurprisingly, perhaps the scones were fab and what with the surroundings and the harpist playing in the small juliet balcony above our heads, we almost felt as if we were in Verona. It wasn’t that difficult a decision to make … topscone!

gifts at the Balmoral Hotel, Edinburgh
A parting gift of tea, chocolates and mini ice cream cones.
Good taste

It was so civilised as we lingered under the palm trees sipping champagne, eating scones and being pampered by Lucy. We could easily have believed we are still in Europe. Thoughts of bush fires, coronavirus, Boris’s lies, Trump’s lies, Syria, and climate change were banished to someplace far far away. Later, when we were preparing to rejoin the real world we asked Lucy if she would return to the south of France after her placement here was finished. She replied, “No, I plan to stay in Scotland, I really love it”. It’s true, the French really do have good taste! Even we had to admit – if this is what being out of Europe is like, it’s not that bad!

Wellington statue, Princes Street
The Duke of Wellington pointing at the clock and saying “that clock is three minutes fast”.

EH2 2EQ.       tel: 0131 556 2414         Balmoral

///driven.behind.insist

ps Thanks go to one of our New Zealand correspondents. They sent photos of a scone extravaganza that recently took place at Papanui Club Bowling Club in Christchurch. Scones at Papanui Bowling Club, Christchurch, NZThat’s a lot of scones!

Scones, Top

Simply Sarah’s

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Okay, hands up, we are as bad as Boris when it comes to telling porkies. Having told readers that Norton House would be our last post from Europe here we are sending another! The difference between our porky pies and Boris’s is that ours are purely accidental. Maybe Boris has had an advance batch of the new Liar Wine being launched tomorrow to celebrate our departure from the EU. We honestly did not think we would be posting another scone so soon but here we are at Simply Sarah’s doing just that.

Closing early

On this rather wet day, we found ourselves in Doune shopping in one of Pat’s favourite shops. On the way into the shop, we suddenly realised there was a café almost next door. We had always thought of Doune as being a one-café (the Buttercup Cafe ) village but had never noticed Simply Sarah’s. It’s tiny, maybe that’s why! It had to be done.

Internal view of Simply Sarah's in DouneWhen we say tiny, we mean tiny. Two small tables and a grand total of four seats. Cat swinging is not advised! You might think that this is about as far away as you can get from the Norton House. Well, in many ways it is, however, don’t be so hasty. Sarah is a classically trained chef who used to work in the upmarket  Cromlix House Hotel before it was taken over by Andy Murray … and her experience shows.

We arrived at 2.45 and were warmly welcomed by Sarah. She also warned us that she had to close at 3.00 to go and pick her kiddy up from school. Being the only ones in we had our pick of the tables. We used both! There were two scones left which she had baked earlier in the day. Time was tight but we thought there was just enough to relieve her of those scones and still let her get away.

Prejudices

When the scones came, however, she had preloaded them with butter and jam… no cream. A scone at Simply Sarah'sReaders are probably weary of hearing us bleat on about preloaded scones and places that don’t have cream. Normally these two things alone would bar them from the topscone category. Here, however, at Simply Sarah’s we have decided to throw all these silly prejudices overboard because the scones were sooo good. Soft in the middle and just the right of crunch on the outside. On the strength of the scones, we bought a couple of Sarah’s homemade pies. It turned out that we had plenty of time for our scones. This hard-working lady was busy shutting up shop as we left so we hope she wasn’t late for pickup.Internal view of Simply Sarah's in Doune

Leave the light on

In about nine hours from writing this, we will be out of Europe and bobbing about uncontrollably on a sea of uncertainty like some unsavoury piece of flotsam. Okay, maybe not immediately as we still have the 12 month transition period to get through. But still it will be momentous for all the wrong reasons. The world’s media is descending on Scotland to see how this historic event is commemorated. Don’t expect fireworks here. Brexit has beautifully highlighted Scotland’s democratic deficit. People across the globe now understand the country’s plight better than ever before. Scots are proud Europeans but at 11pm tonight we must prepare to have that part of our national identity forcibly removed.

Perhaps all is not lost, however. As British MEPs were leaving the European Parliament last Wednesday there was a rousing chorus of that quintessentially Scottish song, Auld Lang Syne, accompanied by a promise to ‘”leave the light for Scotland” so it can find its way home. The Scottish Parliament has also refused to lower the EU flag as a symbol to those EU citizens living here that they are still welcome.

Who ate all the pies?

Pies, not the porky pies but the steak and the coronation chicken pies we bought at Simply Sarah’s have since been scoffed. Simply Sarah’s pies are simply the best!

FK16 6BY     tel: 01786 842304       Simply Sarah’s FB

///anchovies.fastening.origin

ps Thanks go to our Oregon correspondents who have informed us that they make vegan scones from recipes in Realm magazine. while listening to the music of Dougie MacLean.

Scones in Realm magasine
Realm magazine

However, they are concerned that the neighbours might start complaining about the Scots balladeer. Now we just happen to know that their garden in Lebanon is huge so they must have Dougie cranked up pretty loud. Anyway, for us, it conjures up a wonderful image of scones being baked to the strains of Caledonia. They must be full of Scottish goodness! Do any other readers have favourite scone making music? This is ours, you may remember it from a previous post at Sarocha’s Cafe, click here to remind yourself of its brilliance.

Scones, Top

Norton House Hotel

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Faced with the prospect of finishing January 2020 and leaving the EU without bringing our readers a topscone prompted us to give ourselves a shake and try a bit harder. Hence you find us here at Norton House Hotel on the outskirts of Edinburgh. We have passed it a million times before while dropping folk off at the airport or picking them up.  Never before had it occurred to us to turn off and take the long driveway leading to the hotel. Today, however, we thought a place like this might just put a stop to our topscone famine.

Rings of growth

The rather grand building was constructed in 1840 but no one seems to know who or why it was built. Not until 43 years later, when it was bought by John Usher, does it feature anywhere at all. Usher, had a large brewing company and sucked up to the establishment sufficiently to be made a Baronet in 1899. The house remained in the family until 1951 when the 3rd Baronet of Norton died. It then became a hotel.

Tree ring tableDuring all that time a beech tree, planted around 1810, stood near the house until it fell during a storm in 2017. The hotel manager, a keen woodworker, fashioned this table from it and inscribed it with notable events on the appropriate growth rings. Here is a small selection of the events he chose:

  • 1821 Napoleon dies
  • 1826 Harry Houdini was born
  • 1834 Slavery abolished
  • 1845 Irish potato famine
  • 1865 Abraham Lincoln dies and Alice in Wonderland published
  • 1887 the light bulb was invented
  • 1883 Treasure Island published
  • 1904 hamburger invented
  • 1914 World War I
  • 1922 Birds Eye frozen foods founded
  • 1933 King Kong climbs the Empire State Building
  • 1939 World War II
  • 1972 birth of Michael Sanchez
  • 1976 1st Apple computer
  • 1986 Glasnost

To think that all this happened during this tree’s lifetime somehow brings distant historical events a bit closer. Michael Sanchez, by the way, is the aforementioned manager.  Anyway enough of all that.Internal view of Norton House Hotel

Cream tea

As expected, this is a nice place. We were shown to a table in a comfortable light and bright lounge. After a spot of lunch, we ordered a cream tea to share. Cream tea at Norton House HotelThe young man looking after us had explained that a cream tea came with two scones … one fruit, the other plain. When it arrived we could see that the scones were just the right size and they were even accompanied by a couple of delicious-looking oaten biscuits. Lots of jam containing whole strawberries and a healthy bowl of clotted cream. Hopes were high! Happily, the whole thing lived up to expectations. At last, an easy topscone and as such the first of the year and the decade. Not expensive either, our total bill came to £13.50.

The end is nigh!

Of course, it may also be the last scone we can send you from Europe. On Friday we will be floated off into the Atlantic away from the warm embrace of our European friends on a journey to who knows where. Perhaps our old Commonwealth friends will look after us if any of them have memories with a scintilla of fondness?

Brexit has been financed by a few billionaires who stand to profit handsomely while squirreling away ill-gotten gains offshore. The rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer. No change then?

As a slight aside, I came across the life expectancy of people named Norton … don’t ask. The average life expectancy of a Norton in 1941 was 39, and 75 in 2004. Well done the Nortons and well done Norton House Hotel for letting us leave Europe on a topscone high. Farewell Europe, perhaps we will meet again someday?

EH28 8LX         tel: 0131 333 1275             Norton House

///doors.juggle.corrects

O'Connel Café scones in Australiaps Recently we have been in touch with many friends down under in an effort to find out if they are escaping the effects of the horrendous bush fires. Thankfully they’re all okay but, like us, dismayed at the colossal destruction. Some have even sent pictures to show that amidst all the adversity scones continue to provide a modicum of comfort. Our Bathurst correspondents sent this from the O’Connell Avenue Café. Where there are scones, there’s hope!

Scones, Top

Coffee Bothy – revisited

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In the late 16th century, Lady Doune of Doune Castle, otherwise known as Margaret Campbell, must have been a formidable woman indeed.  Her son was known as the Bonnie Earl of Moray because of his good looks, athleticism, skill on the dance floor and his love of scones. Haven’t been able to verify this last claim but we just think he would have been an avid sconey. However, these attributes ended up making him an enemy of King James VI whose Queen, Anne of Denmark, was paying too much attention to the Bonnie Earl. Unfortunately the King was a Boris-like knock-kneed slobbering individual with none of the charms of the young Earl. Eventually, James got the Earl of Huntly, otherwise known as the Cock o’ the North, to take “whatever measures necessary” against Moray.
Best laid plans
In 1592, Huntly contrived to burn Moray to death by setting fire to another of Moray’s country seats at Donibristle in Fife. Moray fled with his head on fire but was struck down by Huntly’s men. Huntly drew his dirk and slashed Moray across the face. The Bonnie Earl’s last words were “You, Huntly – you have spoiled a better face than your own!”. Ouch! Definitely a sconey!
Now this may sound a bit like modern day politics. Unbelievably, Huntly, the King and everyone else associated with the dastardly deed denied all knowledge. Sound familiar? We now think that the Duke of York’s current memory problems may actually be a hereditary affliction affecting all aristocracy. No doubt due to centuries of in-breeding!  It’s just a thought but maybe we should cut him some slack … or maybe not?
Mothers
Moray’s mum, Lady Doune wasn’t having any of it and sought to expose all concerned. She had her son’s naked, stabbed and mutilated body put on display in the Kirk of Leith. A painting of the body was made for exhibition. She had his blood stained shirt paraded through the streets of Edinburgh. The outrage was such that the King had to go into hiding for a while in Glasgow and Huntly was imprisoned at Blackness Castle. That’s mothers for you.
Internal view of the Coffee Bothy atDeanston Distillery, DouneAnyway, all this is simply to tell you that today we are in Doune visiting one of Pat’s favourite shops. After a couple of hours of fairly intensive retail therapy, however, we were both in dire need of a scone. So on this -4ºC frosty day we decided to head a few hundred yards along the River Teith to the café at Deanston Distillery. Almost three years since we were last at the Coffee Bothy. so it was due a quality check anyway.External view of Deanston Distillery, DouneThe last time we were here the scones came as a brace and that is still the case. A scone at the Coffee Bothy at Deanston Distillery, DouneThey are quite small but if you want to try two different types, this is the answer. Unfortunately, on this occasion they only had fruit left so that wasn’t an option. Plenty of jam and whipped cream as well so the Coffee Bothy did not disappoint second time around. Just a smidgen off topscones but very enjoyable nevertheless.
You never know the minute
In our last post about the Coffee Bothy we were lamenting the fact that Deanston distillery (about 20 miles from Falkirk) had become the closest to home. It used to be Rosebank distillery (a few hundred yards away) but it closed in 1993. It had produced Scotland’s most light and floral whisky and came to define Lowland whiskies in general. Since then, however, it has been announced that Rosebank is to be completely renovated and will reopen in the next year or so. Not only that, a brand new Falkirk distillery, imaginatively called the Falkirk Distillery, is in the process of being built at the other end of the town and will also be opening within a few months. Bottle of whisky at Deanston Distillery, DouneNow, although this news may not excite all sconeys please remember that both distilleries will undoubtedly feature a coffee shop. Excited now? Watch this space.
For the first time in its history, the BBC has resorted to public challenges to try and get the Prime Minister to be interviewed by Andrew Neil like all the other party leaders. No success so far but don’t be surprised if Neil’s home suddenly goes on fire with him in it.
FK16 6AG            tel: 01786 843013          Coffee Bothy TA
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Scones, Top

Singl-end Café & Bakehouse

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Duke of Wellington statue at Singl-end Café, Glasgow
Glasgow Council, after years of removing the traffic cone from the Duke of Wellington’s statue only for it to reappear the next day eventually gave up. Now a major tourist attraction and emblazoned on memorabilia like this tea towel

For those not familiar with Scottish vernacular, or, to be more precise, Glasgow vernacular, a “singl-end,” or single-end was the name for a tiny tenement room into which large families were packed back in the good old days. Toilets were on the landings and could be shared with up to ten other families. This was a dreadful way of life which thankfully no longer exists. The term “singl-end”, however, is still sometimes used today to remember with misty eyed fondness those times. Times of close community when everyone knew everyone else and looked after each other. As a way of life the singl-end probably gave rise to Glasgow’s unique friendliness. A sense of humour was the minimum required to survive in such conditions and combined with a down to earth irreverence and an ability to laugh at themselves, Glasgow is like no other city.

Posh?

Pat, a proud Weegie, wasn’t brought up in a singl-end, rather a “room and kitchen”. Having a separate kitchen didn’t exactly make you posh but it was definitely one up from a singl-end!

Internal view of Singl-end Café, GlasgowWhen we came across the Singl-end Café & Bakehouse it just had to be done. And what a find! It’s in a basement so is virtually invisible from the street. Not that that is holding it back, when we arrived it was  busy busy … and it’s nothing like a singl-end at all, it’s huge! It has what we would describe as a kind of hip feel about it so naturally, being pretty hip ourselves, we felt at home straight away. It’s veggie and vegan friendly without being at all shoutie about it … brill!

Creme de la creme

The staff were an absolute delight and they soon had us set up with some absolutely delicious lunch. The problem was that there was so much delicious lunch that we feared we might not manage the scoLogo of Singl-end Café, Garnethillnes we had spotted earlier. Undeterred, however, we let our tummies settle down for a while then ordered our scones. When we asked for cream with our scones a funny thing happened. But first let us ask a question. “What cheese would you use to hide a horse?” Don’t think about it too long …  it’s mascarpone, obviously! When we asked for cream our waitress said “It’s mascarpone cream” followed by “Its nice” when she saw our consternation. It’s veggie so it fits with their ethos. So the final order was a fruit scone for Pat and a blueberry and pistachio scone with blackcurrant jam and mascarpone cream for me. Life on  the edge.

A scone at the Singl-end Café, GlasgowOne very noticeable thing about this place is that the service is almost instantaneous. lightening quick! So, almost immediately, our scones were in front of us served up on wooden chopping boards. They were really good and the mascarpone cream was really good as well.  We loved everything about Singl-end Café & Bakehouse. There is another Singl-end nearer the city centre but we wish they would venture out to the provinces and open one nearer us.

Mickey Mouse

Each table in Singl-end has a glass top and underneath the glass is an array of odd and totally unrelated items – postcards, bits of hand written letters, drawings and sketches … a really fascinating Grenada postage stampmiscellany of stuff. At my seat a stamp from Grenada caught my eye. Can you ever see the UK issuing a stamp featuring Donald Duck? We can’t imagine anything ever inducing the ‘stiff upper lip’ British government to do such a thing. One featuring Mickey Mouse might be appropriate though considering the present state of our politics. The other Donald seems to be pulling all the strings in our upcoming election. Acting on The Donald’s instructions, Nigel Farage has suddenly gone from all principled and powerful back to his usual sniveling self.

Another question “What cheese would you use to coax a bear out of a tree?” The answer – camembert! We know, the jokes are even worse than the politics!

G3 6TT       tel: 0141 353 1277          Singl-end Café and Bakehouse

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ps It is with great sadness that we report the passing of one of our correspondents who hailed from Stenhousemuir … the SteniBrainFart. He contributed to several posts like Brians Café and The Loft. We named him thus because of his uncanny knack of instantly coming up with oodles of useless information on just about any subject under the sun. He was proud of the name and signed his emails with it. He will be greatly missed.