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These are the best scones we have found so far.

Scones, Top

Corner Café – Boxed

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Two years ago when we visited the Corner Café in our home town of Falkirk it was still a new enterprise … only two weeks old in fact. Fresh out of the box, so to speak! Now, the ever enterprising owner Andrew Harkins and his team, prompted by COVID restrictions, have taken it upon themselves  to supply afternoon tea in a box. Egh? So it’s perhaps appropriate that the title of this post is not Corner Café – Revisited, because we didn’t, but Corner Café – Boxed.

The logo at the Corner Café, Falkirk Afternoon tea in a box is a bit of an oxymoron, is it not? Surely, an item of such gentility and refinement cannot be placed in a box? A cardboard box to boot! However, given that we cannot travel anywhere, the next best thing to being out for afternoon tea in some splendiferous surroundings is to have it at home. But then you have to make it! Well, for the princely sum of £20 you can enjoy the simply pleasures of afternoon tea for two in your own home. And none of the bother of actually having to make it yourself. Brilliant! But what would it be like? We had to investigate!

Headlines

Bubbles at homeBack in 2018, when we first reported on this place, the main news was about a member of the Royal family closing her own car door. The media had got its knickers in a right Royal twist. Things have moved on since then with the offending Royal banished forever to America where such unseemly behaviour is deemed quite acceptable.

We also reported that the Ayrshire Ladies tug-of-war team had won the 500kg World Championship in Cape Town. The only news from Ayrshire this week was a bold headline in the Ayrshire Daily News “South Ayrshire Golf club owner loses 2020 presidential election“. In the past Trump has said that if he loses he will leave the US and move to Scotland. Noooo … Trump for President, Biden’s a cheat!!!” Seriously, we thought a glass of bubbles was appropriate to toast President Joe and add a touch of decadence to our afternoon tea in a box. Not absolutely necessary you understand but necessary enough … okay?

What’s in the box?

boxed afternoon teaAnyway, what about a box of afternoon tea? You do have to collect it from the Corner Café yourself but they provide it with a window so you get a hint of what’s inside!  First impressions? There’s plenty in there. We might struggle a bit. When we decanted the contents on to our admittedly small tiered afternoon tea plate there was not nearly enough room for everything. It would have to be a two stage affair.a boxed afternoon tea at home

The sandwiches, rolls and pies were all excellent. Now we were getting worried about having enough room for the four medium sized scones. We were right to worry. At the end of the day, conscience of having to leave some room for cakes, we only managed one and a half scones between us. We had given them a wee blast in the oven so they were nice and warm. Generous tubs of jam and clotted cream made them quite delicious. It did no harm that, like the Corner Café, our tea and coffee was supplied by Henry’s Coffee Company. Another topscone for the Corner Café.

Wandering minds

scones in a boxed afternoon teaIn the end we did little justice to the cakes and biscuits. They’ll keep ’til tomorrow! As we sat there in front of the fire, pleasantly bloated and  full of tea and bubbles our minds wandered to things we don’t understand. That’s a lot to contemplate! We thought getting older was supposed to bring greater understanding. Not so! Quite the opposite! Voting for Trump, voting for Boris, voting for Brexit, voting for Farage?? Thank goodness for afternoon tea. One of the few things left that we do understand.

Well done the Corner Café. The fact that you can get almost everything we understand into a relatively small box is truly amazing … or is it?

FK1 1LZ.     tel: 01324 410949        The Corner Café FB

///spot.broad.exist

Scones, Top

Café at Canada Wood revisited

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One thing about all the pubs and licensed restaurants being closed in this lockdown mess is that cafés that can still stay open are really really busy. Since we are doing a bit of covering for school holidays we had Penny, our five year old granddaughters, with us. She wanted to go to the nearby Milk Barn but when we got there it was so busy we couldn’t get in. She did, however, manage to milk Glenda, her favourite fibreglass cow.

Penny milking Glenda
The ever patient Glenda
30 minutes

We are not supposed to travel unless absolutely necessary so Café at Canada Wood which is also within a mile of home seemed like a possibility. Some people wonder why it’s called “Canada Wood”. We do as well. As a child I used to be hired to chase pigeons out of the wood so that they could be shot by posh people standing on the nearby road. Back then. because of its shape, it was always referred to as “Canada Strip”. We’ve been told, however, that if you search Google with these words you get some unexpected results.

Yes, better luck this time. We could get a table but they needed it back in half an hour. Okay, just about time for a coffee, a scone and some lunch for Penny but it probably wasn’t going to be a leisurely experience. Then again nothing where Penny is concerned can ever be described as leisurely … enough energy and smiles to light up a small city.

It actually turned out not too bad and we thoroughly enjoyed our scone.A scone at Café at Canada Wood Another topscone to add to Café at Canada Wood’s ever growing list of topscones. We stuck to our agreement and gave the table up after our thirty minutes. Not ideal perhaps but the staff were great. We certainly didn’t feel as if we were being pushed out.Internal view of the Café at Canada Wood

The bandwagon of bolshieness

However, ‘pushed out’ is maybe how Andy Burnham, Mayor of Greater Manchester might be feeling. He is refusing to impose greater coronavirus restrictions from Westminster until there is better financial support for those affected. Just what Boris needs … bolshiness everywhere he turns. The devolved administrations are bolshie. The EU is getting bolshie. Even some in his own party are now jumping on the bolshie bandwagon. COVID actually makes us feel sorry for politians just now. Damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

No sympathy for Boris, however, he’s brought all his troubles on himself through his own bumbling ineptitude. Now, he and his old school pals have passed a Bill allowing countries with lower food standards than ours to import into the UK! The beginning of a long downward slippery slope aimed at facilitating the US, with its shockingly poor food standards.

Argh!!

Spare a thought for Scotland in all this. The strict COVID restrictions are okay … perfectly understandable. What is much more difficult to comprehend, however, is that Scotland still has a Tory government it has never ever voted for. Also, the EU, at least, gave us some say over our own destiny through devolution but now Westminster is destroying that with the Internal Market Bill. Not to mention being dragged out of the EU towards some sort of utopia that only exists in  Boris’ head. And they wonder why we complain so much? On top of all that, we’re now going to be force-fed American chlorinated/hormone/antibiotic riddled food. Rant over … until the next one.

FK1 3AZ        tel: 01324 612111           Canada Wood

///airtime.dozens.levels

ps: After we posted a picture of a sign in Dunblane while we were at the Beech Tree Café the Pedant sent us this picture he took in Ely.

An Ely toilet sign
The Dunblane sign on the left together with the Ely sign

No one has ventured any suggestions as to what constitutes a  “Comfort Partner”  … still a mystery!

If you live in Derbyshire you’ve probably seen one of these before. For those who don’t, here it is … a Derbyshire scone, kindly sent to us by our  Nottingham correspondents. They are rookies so, unfortunately,  no more detail. Looks pretty good though.A Derbyshire scone

Scones, Top

Craigie’s Farm Café

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With much of the west of Scotland being in fairly strict lockdown we decided to go east for a spin in the car. We ended up in Dalmeny, a place we had never been before. The reason for that soon became apparent … there’s a school and a station and that’s about it. We left and quickly ended up amongst a plethora of wee roads with high hedgerows on either side. We were completely lost … no idea where we were.  Every junction seemed to be bereft of signage. And then, as if by magic, we suddenly came on a sign “farm shop, coffee, cakes”. And so we came to Craigie’s Farm Café or Craigie’s Farm Deli and Café to give it its full title. We still had no idea where we were but we were relieved to come across what we guessed was a certain scone stop.

Busy, busy

Judging by the car park, lots of other people did know where they were … either that or they were all lost, like us. When we put Craigies Farm Café into our phones we discovered that we were almost in Edinburgh’s outskirts. That probably explained why it was so busy.

Craigie’s farm has been in the Sinclair family for four generations and they are all involved in what is a large and thriving business. A busy building site next to the café turned out to be a new shop complex to double the existing facities. No shortage of confidence here.

Internal view of Craigie's Farm CaféWe were quickly ushered to a seat in one of the three restaurant areas attached to the shop. The business began in a small shed back in 1995 but now it employs more than sixty staff. They still grow all their own fruit and vegetables, make all their own jams and cakes. How come we’ve never heard of this place before?

Cosy?

A scone at Craigie's Farm CaféAnyway, after an absolutely delicious lunch we opted to share a fruit scone with our tea and coffee. It came with little pots of jam and cream and it was just as we like our scones, crunchy on the outside and nice and soft in the middle. It wasn’t too hard to decide that it was worthy of a topscone. We like everything about Craigie’s. It could never be described as ‘cosy’ but then none of these places ever fall within that category. It was obviously very popular and with all the development going on outside they were obviously trying to cater for ever increasing demand. Brilliant in these times when making business decisions like that is so tricky. The Sinclairs could probably teach Trump a thing or two about how business should be conducted.

The crown

Uncertain times have obviously shaken President Trump’s normal blustering confidence. Lying in his hospital bed with time to think, doubts must have started creeping in. He obviously thought that he might be losing his crown as the World’s Biggest Idiot so decided to go on a motor cavalcade outside the hospital to wave to his adoring fans. Thus he endangered everyone around him in an act which his own doctor called “insanity”. It was all completely unnecessary. There are a few candidates for that crown but we can’t see any of them wrestling it away from him any time soon.

Before we left we bought some stuff from the deli shop. The highlights were some buffalo sausages and some Minger cheese. When we asked why it was called Minger, the girl, held it towards us, and said “Take a sniff!” Okay, okay we understand! You will be delighted to hear that after leaving Craigie’s we negotiated our way home without getting lost once.

EH30 9AR       tel: 0131 319 1048        Craigie’s Farm Deli and Café

///keen.tell.runner

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The Potting Shed

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“On the Road Again” – Canned Heat 1968, you might remember it if you are of a certain age. We’re on the road again and the incentive this time is to take advantage of the government’s Eat Out to Help Out Scheme. For the month of August, you get a 50% discount when you eat in a registered restaurant at the beginning of the week. We had heard that the Roman Camp Hotel in Callander had opened a new venture in their garden called the Potting Shed and they were participating. External view of the Roman Camp HotelThe hotel is great but a wee bit on the posh side. The Potting Shed, as you might expect, promised to be slightly less formal. In fact, when we last stayed at the Roman Camp we had explored the grounds and the potting shed before breakfast one morning. At that time it was just an empty shed crying out for something to be done with it. We were keen to see how it was now.

Old boards

The Potting Shed itself is relatively small and painted in the same pink as the main hotel. A covered seating area at the front has been added to expand capacity and to better cope with COVID restrictions. We opted to sit inside. Internal view of the Potting ShedThe decor is fairly basic, kind of shabby chic. Old painted recycled wooden boards covering the walls together with an eclectic range of old furniture. It all hangs together quite nicely. A window in the Potting ShedOur table was below a wonderful window that looked out onto the vegetable garden.

No self-respecting potting shed should be without this sort of  adornment
Thankyou Boris

The young chap who was looking after us was extremely busy. Between inside and outside he’s bound to cover a good few miles in his working day. Nevertheless, he took care of all our needs and remained courteous and friendly throughout. A scone at the Potting ShedFor lunch, we had a starter and a main course each and then decided on a scone instead of pudding. They came as a brace, one plain, one fruit and accompanied by butter, jam and clotted cream. We were slightly disappointed with the plain one which was a little undercooked in the middle but the fruit one was perfect. Nice and warm, crunchy exterior and soft interior. Since Boris Johnson was paying for one of them we decided it was the plain one and therefore decided to concentrate on the one we were paying for and award it a topscone. 

Illusions

So Boris’s legacy is assured. He will be remembered not only as being useless but perhaps primarily for half price scones. Of course, we don’t actually believe in fairy stories. We realise that the whole Eat Out to Help Out Scheme is really just an illusion. Boris isn’t going to pay for anything that isn’t tax-deductible and that we, as ordinary taxpayers, are indirectly paying for it all. Nevertheless, we had a fab lunch with at least one fab scone and our total bill came to a grand total of £21. Maybe fairies do exist? Will we be able to squeeze in another half price lunch before the scheme finishes on the 31st? And who knows, our newfound spirit of adventure may even take us round the corner to our local pub to celebrate Friday night. We haven’t done that since March.

External view of the Potting Shed

Donald Trump certainly knows how to put on a show. However, perhaps the most memorable thing about the flag-waving performance at the Republican National Convention was that they were able to spell out his name in the sky with fireworks. How do they do that? Of course, he tried to paint Joe Biden as the bogey man of the world. At the risk of appearing ageist, the real scary thing is that America could only produce 78-year-old Joe to run against him!

FK17 8BG        tel: 01877 332692         Potting Shed FB

///collapsed.seasonal.boasted

island, Scones, Top

Artizan Café – Again

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Okay, we’re not quite back in the swing of things in terms of brand new scones so this is yet another one of our island reposts that you have all come to know and love?? This one from the Artizan Café in Stornoway is from our 2019 trip around some of the outer isles. Seems like an age ago! Theresa May was still clinging on like some demented rabid dog and we were still hopeful that Brexit would just go away. What fools we were! And we had never heard of COVID-19.

Anyway, you have all heard of BLM, Black lives Matter, the movement that swept the world in the wake of the death of George Floyd. Without wishing to diminish BLM in any way, in this post we want to raise awareness of BPM, Black Pudding Matters. So let’s go back a year.

Doubtless, you will all heave a huge sigh of relief when we say that our trip to the Outer Isles has finally come to an end. To get back home, however, we had to drive back through the hills of Harris and across the moors of Lewis to get to Stornoway. There we could catch a ferry to Ullapool on the Scottish mainland.

View of Stornoway harbour
Stornoway harbour

Tom, Dick and Harry

We aimed to leave a little time, however, so that we could see if there was more to Stornoway than black pudding. As you are all very well aware this town is the home of this delicacy. That mixture of beef suet, oatmeal, blood, onion, salt and pepper that’s become a favourite of fine dining establishments throughout the world. It’s good for you because it’s high in protein, zinc and iron. A Stornoway black puddingNow, it’s very future is endangered by Brexit. You probably have not been aware of Westminster debating the future of black pudding … because it hasn’t. Stornoway Black Pudding is a PGI (Protected Geographical Indication) under the EU Protected Food Name Scheme. Once we leave the EU that protection has gone. Any old Tom, Dick or Harry in Manchester, or wherever, will be able to produce inferior black pudding and call it ‘Stornoway’. If ever there was a reason for cancelling Brexit, this is it.

We went to Macleod & Macleod’s shop to view the genuine articles in their native surroundings, We didn’t buy. Pat’s not a fan so I would have had to eat all 1.5 kg myself. Too much even for me. Across the street from Macleod & Macleod is Artizan, a rather nice café combined with art gallery and jewellery shop.

Technological scone location

At this point perhaps we should explain the addition to the info at the end of each post. Traditionally we have provided postcode, phone number and web address. However, our correspondent, the Pedant, has complained that this only gives a vague idea of scone location … a matter of concern to him … him being a pedant and all that. An app called What3Words provides much more accurate information and will locate a scone, or at least the table it was on with a unique combination of three words. The three at the end of this post ‘calculating.sweetened.blossom’ will not only take you to the Artizan café but to the table we were sitting at in the café … provided you have the app, of course. No other table on earth has these same three words. Either a wonder of modern technology or a complete waste of time … it’s up to you. It is remarkable though and it’s free so give it a whirl if you want to know exactly where our scones are.

A scone at Artisan Cafe in StornowayAnyway, Artizan was one of these places which just gives off a good vibe as soon as you go in. Everything about it feels good. When our scone came it was complete with butter, jam and clotted cream. It was delicious. Just the right amount of crunchiness combined with an excellent fluffy soft centre. No problem awarding a topscone here. At last, our long run of ordinary scones had been broken. The lovely lady who actually baked them chatted to us while she cleared our table. She was great as well!

All good things ..

And so we have come to the end of our trip. It has been great. A bit windy perhaps but we didn’t get rained on once. We have been able to provide our readers with a much more accurate scone locating system and discovered the home of black pudding, the best reason, if ever there was one, for cancelling Brexit altogether. As Theresa May contemplates dragging her battered and bruised ‘Deal’ back to the Commons for an unbelievable 4th time, someone really needs to take her aside and speak to her about black pudding.

View of Stornoway harbour
sad farewell to Stornoway and the Outer Hebrides

HS1 2DH             tel: 01851 706538        Artizan

calculating sweetened blossom

PS: If you have downloaded the W3W app and look at ‘rake.tacky.fronds’ that’s where we are on a ferry in the middle of the Minch … see, no postcodes out here! When we reach ‘reap.scored.twitchy’ we’ll be home!

LEWIS SHEDS

Peat cutting booth's on the Isle of Lewis
Three peat cutting bothies not far from Stornoway. One far away on horizon extreme left. There’s standing room only on the Sabbath … apparently!

Readers will remember our previous post about pumpkin scones, sent by our Aussie Bathurst correspondent. Well, here’s the sequel: “Following our recent treat of pumpkin scones, I decided to have a crack at cooking some myself.An Australian scone/biscuit  Same recipe as our hostess made on our recent excursion, but unfortunately, they did not turn out as well as expected.   See photo with a one-pound coin for size comparison.  What’s more, the one-pound coin was also slightly easier to chew.  More of a biscuit really.  Possibly because we used gluten-free flour to placate some gluten-free friends we had staying.”

Ten out of ten for a very admirable effort. While we acknowledge the consistency problem, we think the size is fine. Ideal for a genteel afternoon tea. But then, do Aussies do genteel?? We’re sure they’ll let us know.

Niceties

Apparently Westminster is getting in a frenzy about the burgeoning threat of Scottish Independence. So worried they have decided to send Boris on a dangerous mission north of the non-existent border. He won’t meet any real Scots though, only fellow rich tax-avoiding folks, then he’ll scurry off back to safety. They haven’t told Nicola or the Scottish government about the visit yet which just about sums up the relationship perfectly. Scotland doesn’t and never has had a voice so why bother with niceties?

Scones, Top

The Cafe@Canada Wood

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Goodness gracious, you’ll never guess!  Yes yesterday, 15th July 2020, we actually went out for a scone. First time since 19th of March. That’s an incredible 118 coronavirus scone free days. Yesterday was the day that Scotland finally relaxed its COVID regulations … yeah! Cafés, hairdressers, shops, even pubs are allowed to open as long as they meet certain criterion. Our local pub first opened in 1827 and obviously doesn’t meet the required standards because it’s still closed … boo! Anyway, by way of celebration, we visited this place, The Cafe@Canada Wood.

It’s close to our house and we used to be regular visitors when it was called Canada Wood Kitchen and Bar.  We’ve even done a Canada Wood revisited. It’s now under new management so they have changed the name though not by very much. It gets its name from the wood which is right next to it … believe it or not, it’s called Canada Wood!

Where have all the menus gone?

Things have changed a bit since our last visit. When we arrived, although we wanted to sit outside, we had to go through the indoor bit and divulge our details; address, telephone number, email, inside leg measurement! No, not that last bit. Our table outside was complete with a QR code which when scanned let us see the menu.CR code for Canada Wood This may seem like a fair old palaver however it’s really not. It’s the new normal! In fact, if any reader wants to scan it you will see the menu as well (use the back camera on your smartphone).

It was busy with people doing exactly the same as us, enjoying newfound liberation and being in the company of others again in the sunshine. Everyone was still abiding by the social distancing rules. We had just popped out to see what it felt like and didn’t really need a menu … one fruit scone to share and two coffees. The coffees came quite quickly but the scone took a while. We were just about to ask when a delightful young server said: “I’ve checked on your scone, it’s just coming out of the oven” … relax!

It arrived a few seconds later and we were excited.happy bunny at Canada Wood Not that you could tell! In the past, we have not been too impressed with the scones here. They were either too big or just a wee bit weird. No worries this time. Maybe it was because we had been away for so long. Perhaps it was because our scone was wonderfully warm. Maybe it was the crunchy exterior and the soft interior … the jam, the cream! Who knows?  It was delicious so we were delighted to award this establishment its first topscone.

And it was card payment, so I still have my £6.36.

A scone at Canada Wood

Pigeons

When I was a young lad I used to be a beater for the shoots on Callendar Estate which owns The Cafe@Canada Wood. I and my fellow beaters would ‘beat’ through Canada Wood driving the woodpigeons towards the gentry with the guns. The toffs would be lined up along Lochgreen Road and shoot the pigeons as they emerged from the trees.  What fun! However, we did get a £1 a day for our trouble and that was good money for a youngster back then.

It’s all very well us getting out sconing again but the easing of lockdown in Scotland comes with huge risks. Although we have not had any COVID deaths over the past week, England has had 527. We think the reason for the disparity is that Boris and his team listen to Nicola Sturgeon’s clear and concise messages on coronavirus. They then wait a couple of days before repeating them but in a garbled unintelligible way. Scotland loves its southern neighbours and welcomes them as visitors but please abide by our rules. Otherwise, you’ll have Nicola to deal with!

FK1 3AZ      tel: 01324 612111     Canada Wood

Scones, Top

Super Saturday

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So it’s Super Saturday, we can all relax and enjoy ourselves! For our many international readers who may not know, this is the day when in spite of England having a much worse r-rate than Scotland most of the COVID rules in England are withdrawn. So, as Scotland maintains its rules for another couple of weeks we thought, for this post, you might like to hear how we are coping with all the stresses and strains of months of COVID-19 lockdown. Remember the millenium bug that threatened to bring our computers and the world crashing down round about our ears? Well, it had nothing on this bug! 

Back gardens

Actually though, for us, it’s been quite a relaxing and pleasant experience. There are obvious problems like not seeing grandchildren etc but it’s not all negative. We don’t need to get dressed because no one is coming to the door. And why tidy the house? Can’t remember the last time we washed! Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration but all in all, it hasn’t been bad. Why wouldn’t it be when the reality consists of sitting eating Royal scones in a sunny back garden. That’s not strictly true either. The other day, with local restrictions being relaxed, we had the pleasure of testing our Trossachs correspondent’s Royal scones in their back garden.

Trossachs correspondents scones
Royal scones by our Trossachs correspondents

We behaved! Maintained our social distancing but have to admit to getting up close and personal with the scones. Delighted to report that the result of this official review was an easy topscone. Fantastic and thoroughly deserved. We had a wonderful afternoon with wonderful friends in their wonderful sunny garden. Many thanks … wonderful!

Strawberries

Readers might be lulled into the false impression that we have had an easy time of it in lockdown. Well, we have, however, it has not been entirely worry-free. Recently, for instance, we have been concerned about what to do with a surfeit of strawberries. They are ripening faster than we can eat them. Part of the solution was to eat them every day. Sometimes with ice cream, sometimes just with pouring cream and sometimes with custard. scones from the ovenThe strawberries are winning, however. Eventually, we might have to resort to making jam. In the meantime, we are having them with our scones. Pat made another batch of scones to the Royal recipe and we are eating them with homemade gooseberry jelly, whipped cream and sliced strawberries. Fab!scones and strawberries

Over the wall

So you can clearly see that it has not all been plain sailing. However, we do not want readers to worry. We are just fine sitting in the garden. And to set your minds at rest, we think the strawberry crisis is manageable. When we look over the garden wall, however, we see a world that is confusing, hairy and relatively sconeless and that’s a bit worrying.

Back to Super Saturday. What sort of idiot decided that Saturday the 4th July would be a good day to jettison restrictions and open the pubs in England? Oh yes, that idiot! Boris says he is relying on people’s good sense to behave responsibly. He chooses to overlook the fact that if people had ‘good sense’ he would not be Prime Minister. It’s the downside of democracy. When Gary, Tank Commander says that it was wrong for the army to go into Iraq he observes that it was the government that told the army to do it. And who put the government there? Us! He’s right. Now, at least, folks can get their hair cut in England.

Confusing?

Meanwhile, Trump wants to put America ‘first’ in the charge to have the highest coronavirus fatalities, however, the UK, or rather England, is snapping at their heels. Both states, of course, have one thing in common … numpties in charge.

scones pre oven
In case you’re wondering, this is what raw Royal scones look like; pre-oven

In Scotland, we are urged to stick to being two meters apart (in case of doubt, that’s one Highland cow or one Highland dancer apart). Boris has now said that in England it has been reduced to one meter or “one and a bit” meters. In the spirit of compromise, an English person in Scotland presumably has to stay one and a ‘big bit’ meters apart? There is also much confusion around the rules for quarantine as England lifts its rules but Scotland doesn’t. The solution, of course, is obvious. Instead of the Scottish government, with both hands tied behind their back, doing a much better job than their Westminster counterparts they should have complete freedom to be a proper effective government.  That only comes with independence, of course.

How will it all end ?

It remains to be seen how Super Saturday pans out and how the pandemic progresses. It’s a crazy world. With the arrest of Ghislaine Maxwell in America, the Queen must be longing for a good old Royal Garden Party, a cup of Earl Grey and one of her scones. if she needs a shoulder to cry on. she is welcome to come round here for a scone and a wee chat.

PS: In case you think we are existing in a boorach of a house on a mono-diet of strawberry scones, we’re not! The other day we found a trout on our doorstep! And we are far from any kind of river! Not only that but it had been smoked. In two shakes of a lamb’s tail, however, Pat had it transformed into this delicious pasta dish. It was the cat’s pyjamas!

smoked trout pasta
A strawberry free tagliatelle with smoked trout in a light sauce.

 

Scones, Top

Isle of Eriska Hotel – Again

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This post from the Isle of Eriska Hotel is from June 2019. Eriska is small but perfectly formed. The same could not be said for Theresa May who had just announced that she was standing down as Prime Minister after a disastrous year. The race to replace her between Bojo and Jeremy Hunt was just beginning.

It had been some time since we had posted on the blog so we had to begin with a kind of half-hearted apology.

Okay, okay, it’s been a while since the last post. We know that most of you view us purely as one-dimensional scone munchers however there is much more to us than that. “Deep and diverse” could easily describe us if you squidged up your eyes and gave us the benefit of a lot of doubt. We’ve been busy with other things … okay?

Controversy 1

The UK is beset by controversy at the moment … Bojo’s brush with the law after a rammy with his bidey-in, for one. Then there are the even more controversial photos of him all loved up with the same bidey-in the following day.

Controversy 2

So, far be it from us to heap more controversy on a public already struggling to cope. It has to be asked, however … when is an island not an island? This question

The bridge to the Isle of Eriska Hotel
The Isle of Eriska bridge

has beset the Isle of Skye since they built the bridge. It even begs the question – is Great Britain an island since they built the Chunnel? The reason for it being so topical is simply that today we are on the Isle of Eriska and it also has a bridge! We were about to tackle the management with the Trades Descriptions Act when our cream teas arrived and completely distracted us.

External view of the Isle of Eriska Hotel
Pat sitting outside the conservatory

The 300 acre Isle of Eriska is situated at the entrance to Loch Creran on Scotland’s west coast. The ‘big house’ was built in 1884 by the Stewarts of Appin and designed by Hippolyte Blanc who also designed Jenners in Edinburgh’s Princes Street. Since 2016 it has been managed by the same Inverlochy Castle Management Company that looks after Andy Murray’s Cromlix House.

Fly pasts

Our cream teas were served to us in the sunshine at a table in frCream tea at the Isle of Eriska Hotelont of the conservatory. Where else on a day like today? Needless to say, the little titbits that accompanied our scones were soon beginning to melt … and so were we! We were able to sit long enough however to have a flypast by a kestrel, an eagle-owl and a Harris hawk.  A young Belgian/German couple were being shown the intricacies of hawking and we were also the beneficiaries. Where else do you get a hawking lesson with your scones? Readers can probably guess that awarding a top scone to this place was not exactly difficult. The service, the presentation and the scones themselves were all excellent.

the golf course at the Isle of Eriska Hotel
We might possibly be persuaded to take up golf here .. if we had absolutely nothing better to do

Otters

There is more to this place than scones, however. A spa and swimming pool are there if you need extra pampering. There’s squash courts, a golf course and clay pigeon shooting if you feel energised by your scone. The beach at the Isle of Eriska HotelWe felt sufficiently energised to take a walk to the north end of the island where we sat on the beach in complete silence. Not even the distant murmur of a car engine or indeed anything. We didn’t even see another human being in our entire walk. It was as if we had the entire island to ourselves. The shrill cry of an oystercatcher once broke the peace and quiet but that was all. A short onward stroll around the shore took us to Otter Point but there were no otters. There must be an otter reason for it being called that … sorry!

We cannot fault this place. Warmly welcomed by everyone, we spent a good part of the day here and didn’t even part with as much as £20. Next time though we will come and stay and that might cost a bit more.

Clarity

We feel that politicians should be banned from using phrases such as “let me make this absolutely clear”. They all use it with monotonous regularity and still no one has a scooby about what’s going on .. including them! Luckily, the extravagant promises being flung around with gay abandon by both contenders for the Tory leadership don’t actually matter. After all the Great British public don’t get a say in who will be their next Prime Minister … democracy, UK style!

View from the Deck restuarant at the Isle of Eriska Hotel
View from the Deck restaurant towards the hills of Morvern

As far as the ‘island’ controversy goes we have decided that, since Eriska has always been accessible by foot at low tide, the bridge makes little difference. In other words, it doesn’t matter … but you knew that already.

PA37 1SD             tel: 01631 720 371               Eriska Hotel

///iron.interview.orbited

ps: In Eriska village (the hotel’s staff quarters) on the mainland side of the bridge we came across this K5 telephone box. It wasn’t working but it was made in Falkirk. As such, it is the first K5 we have found from our home town. The other one we found at the Bay Hotel was from the Lion Foundry in Kirkintilloch. There are only 54 K5s registered as still being in existence in the UK but we doubt that this one is registered.

Austerity

Boris Johnson, when asked where the money is coming from for his multi-billion pound spending plans says that the cash is there and that austerity is not the answer. This, from the man whose government for the past decade has been saying exactly the opposite and rubbishing anyone who disagreed. Many of the problems we are currently facing with COVID-19 in the NHS and education are a direct result of that austerity. We wonder if Boris is surprised at what comes out when he opens his mouth?

What border?

Scotland has managed the coronavirus situation much better than England so now, with it flaring up again in the south,  there’s talk of health checks at the border. That’ll be the same border that many Westminster MPs say doesn’t exist?

ISLE OF ERISKA SHED

A shed on the Isle of Eriska
A tiny island so not a lot of sheds. This one is for clay pigeon shoots

island, Scones, Top

Robertson’s Coffeehoose 2

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This visit to Robertson’s Coffeehoose 2 was in the winter of 2017. Perhaps we should have known better than visit Orkney at that time of year but, by the end, although completely cobweb free, we were feeling wonderful and exhilarated by the whole experience.  

Importanter

First, though the “Black Lives Matter’ controversy brought about by George Floyd’s death has taken an unexpected turn. After events in Bristol it has now expanded into a debate over statues. Goodness knows we have enough inappropriate statues in Scotland to fill Bristol harbour but that is probably a debate best left until Scotland has garnered enough self-respect to determine for itself, who, if anybody, it wants to celebrate in this way. When someone said that “education was important but beer was importanter” it made us think that none of us is perfect (okay, sconeys are perfecter than most) but perhaps statues of people of any kind are simply not appropriate any more.  Anyway, let’s go to wild and windy Orkney.

As we headed out from the shelter of Gills Bay near John O’ Groats on the Pentalina ferry we could think of no better description of what lay ahead than that of Neil Gunn. “Beyond the mainland the blue of the sea was more intense than the blue of the sky, and the Islands of The Orcades lay at anchor like fabled ships: long shapes, with clean prows to the west, with sheer sides, not riding the sea but crouching to it with that odd menace which, like tenderness, is for ever at the heart of strength”. Gunn also says that “all adventuring races have been drawn to these islands”.

After the Romans and Vikings, now it was to be the turn of sconologists! In the name of ornithology (Pat has started a new list) and sconology, we were enduring the remains of Hurricane Maria. Boy, it was windy. So it was that, somewhat relieved, we sailed into St Margaret’s Hope on South Ronaldsay.

The Hope

And our first ever encounter with an Orkney scone at Robertson’s Coffeehoose. Just the spelling announced that we were somewhere a little bit different. Interior view of Robertson's Coffeehoose, St Margaret's Hope, OrkneyThe interior reminded us of Ireland.  When we lived there you would go into a grocery store and find a few beer pumps gracing the end of the counter. It was the same here. Turns out that it used to be the general store but has recently been converted into a café/bar. It now plays a significant role in the local nightlife. We were served by a young girl who not only made us feel very welcome but also regaled us with stories of the history of Robertson’s. She also told us about The Hope, as the town is known locally.

Hard to stand up weather

The town may have got its name from Margaret, Maid of Norway and uncrowned Queen of Scotland, who died here from the effects of seasickness in 1290. She was on her way to her coronation. Luckily, we had no ill effects on the crossing but we deeply sympathise. A scone at Robertson's Coffeehoose, St Margaret's Hope, OrkneyIt may have been the warmth of the greetings or maybe it was to do with the ‘hard to stand up in’ weather outside, but our scones were particularly welcome and tasted delicious. They were warm and served with butter and a generous pot of jam. No cream but hey, we were out of the storm so who cares? All things considered we thought that this scone just slipped into the topscone category. Well done Robertson’s.

Two equal countries

After the Maid of Norway’s demise, the disputed succession sparked the Wars of Scottish Independence. When we read of the extraordinary goings-on in Catalonia, you realise that it should be so much easier for Scotland to become a self-respecting independent country. After all, that is what most people under sixty want. As stated in the Treaty of Union, the UK is a union between two equal countries, Scotland and England. Scotland is already a country in its own right.  In 1707, when the Speaker of the House of Commons said: “we have won Scotland … and we will bind her fast“. He wasn’t joking. The democratic deficit, designed to subjugate Scotland, has worked well in ensuring just that. Of course, in Catalonia, there’s also a lot of unionist sentiment. However, we can’t help feeling that, like Scotland, the problem will not be resolved with anything less than independence.

Dead eagles

A K6 from the Saracen Foundry on South RonaldsayIn our previous post from Hotel Montefiore in Israel we reported on a K6 made in the Saracen Foundry. Lo and behold, on our way to the Tomb of the Eagles at the southernmost tip of South Ronaldsay what should we come across but another. This one was being used as an exchange library for books, CDs and DVDs.

Be warned, we are on Orkney for a few days so there may be more Orcadian scones to follow. By the way, the Tomb of the Eagles was closed so not even a dead eagle for Pat’s list!

KW17 2SR      tel: 01856 831 889        Robertson’s Coffeehoose FB

You know how they say that “necessity is the mother of invention”. Well, our son has proved the truth of that statement. In the current pandemic, he is not only having to isolate but shield as well. This means that his five-year-old daughter has been unable to give her granny a hug for several months now. So, for granny’s recent birthday he made COVID hugging arms. Happy granny!

COVID-19 granny hugging arms
COVID Granny hugging arms in action

Following on from our last post on the Royal Garden Party, Pat has baked some scones to the Royal recipe. She didn’t have any buttermilk so used cream instead. They were absolutely delicious. We sat in the garden and shared them with a neighbour accompanied by lots of homemade gooseberry jelly and cream. This is how to deal with coronavirus! Clever granny!Scones made to the Royal Garden Party recipe

island, Scones, Top

The Strynd Tearoom – Again

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This scone from the Strynd Tearoom on Orkney goes back a couple of years. As the current lockdown gives us time to ponder on the current state of our civilisation, Orkney might make you question how far we have progressed over the past 5000 years. After Boris’s long-awaited public announcement you could be forgiven for thinking, ‘not very far’. We should know by now that when he opens his mouth all that c omes out is lies and confusion. But give him some credit. It’s all designed, in the event of another COVID flare up, to put the blame squarely on us … you didn’t STAY ALERT! Anyway, 2 years ago or 5000 years ago…

The wind is still blowing with wicked enthusiasm. In spite of that, our plan for today is to visit the west of Mainland … Skara Brae and all that, and end up in Kirkwall, the capital. Most sconeys will know something of the rich archaeology of Orkney.

Skara Brae and Skaill House at Sandwick on Orkney
5000-year-old Skara Brae neolithic village with Skaill House in the distance

Up here they were building houses and having a high old time of it long before things like the Pyramids and Stonehenge had even been thought of. However, our abiding memory of Skara Brae will be of getting sandblasted by the wind coming off the beach. Certainly gives you a rosy complexion. Road sign to the village of Twatt, Orkney

Stormy weather at Skara Brae at Sandwick on Orkney
Orkney weather is dramatic and changes every five minutes

 

 

Another problem with the wind is holding your binoculars steady enough to identify birds.

Cobwebs

We had no problem though with a brilliant view of a female hen harrier not far from Skara Brae. It is a thrill to see these relatively rare birds because they rather stupidly nest on the ground. As a result, their young usually fall foul of predators before they can fledge. Pat’s list is now over forty which she is thrilled about. However, her joy was such that it was all I could do to stop her stealing a road sign to one of the local villages. Completely cobweb free, we eventually made it to Kirkwall and the Strynd Tearoom. Interior view of the Strynd Tearoom, Kirkwall, Orkney

Go north for scones

Like Stromness, Kirkwall also has lots of wee lanes and this tearoom takes its name from the lane where its located. When we asked how to pronounce ‘Strynd’. It seemed to be “Strand’ but with the strangulated pronunciation that maybe a South African would use. It is a tiny place but lovely and everything is home made. Once again we were made very welcome and once again our scones were excellent. A scone at the Strynd Tearoom, Kirkwall, OrkneyWe are developing a theory that the further north you go the better the scones are. We have had nothing but topscones recently. The Strynd scone was warm and served with nice pots of jam and cream. The scone itself looked as if it would be crunchy but wasn’t. It was gloriously soft and absolutely delicious … another topscone!

The Big Tree

Now, while most of you will have heard of the Ring of Brodgar and other Orcadian archaeological gems, how many of you have heard of The Big Tree? Or how many have heard of the Heimskringla? Thought so … let us explain.  The Big Tree in Broad Street, Kirkwall, Orkney

Everything is relative

Heimskringla is a book of Old Norse sagas written in Iceland  in the 12th century … you’ve probably read it. The Big Tree is the only one left of three that were planted by Robert Laing, father of the Heimskringla’s translator, in his garden over 200 years ago. When they widened the main street by demolishing Laing’s walled garden this tree was left standing in the street. When you look at it you might wonder why it’s called The Big Tree? Well, in Orkney terms, it is! And it is obviously much loved. It still supports a luxurious head of leaves although largely hollow. And it is supported by steel girders inserted in its trunk to keep it upright.

DNA

What else has been happening in the big bad world while we have been enjoying ourselves on this island. Here, you quickly feel kind of snugly insulated from the outside world? The media is still largely ignoring the biggest political conference in the UK. The SNP conference. They are concentrating instead on the sexual indiscretions of a Hollywood director that few have heard of and no one could care less about.

Theresa May is still clinging on like a barnacle while Britain skillfully negotiates a “no deal‘, Brexit. Catalonia seems to have rather skillfully blindsided the Spanish government … for the moment! Trump’s big golf courses in Scotland seem to be losing a fortune … bad! Scotland’s football team is no longer eligible for another pointless World Cup competition because of our DNA according to the manager … good! Well, well, well … the Big Tree has seen it all before.

Scapa distillery, Scapa, Orknay
Scapa distillery in the distance on the shores of Scapa Flow

KW15 1HG       tel: 01856 871552     The Strynd Tearoom

Forgiveness

Pat bought me a bottle of Scapa, one of my favourite whiskies, while we were at the distillery. Mind you it was only because of a guilty conscience. Previously, unbeknown to me, she had given away my one and only bottle. All was forgiven.

Change

Has anyone else noticed a subtle but profound change in the media’s reporting of the coronavirus crisis? When Nicola Sturgeon is forced to clear up the confusion by saying “When Boris Johson speaks, he speaks only for England” it marks a change. And now the media refers to “the four nations of the UK” where previously most of them wouldn’t even have countenanced Scotland as a nation at all. This is all very welcome but where will it all end?

ORKNEY SHED

A shed not far from Twatt