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These are the best scones we have found so far.

Humbie Hub

Logo of the Humbie HubJust in case readers are beginning to get the wrong idea and assume that we just hang out in places like the Fife Arms, let us banish that thought. Nothing could be further from the truth. This post comes from somewhere that is no less enjoyable but from the opposite end of the spectrum. The Humbie Hub is a small, humble even, village Post Office/Cafe/Shop just south of Edinburgh … but how did we hear about it? Well, somebody told somebody who told somebody else who told our Trossachs correspondents who told us. The scone network of spies and informers spreads ever deeper.

Got to let mum know

A small hamlet like Humbie is no stranger to momentous events. Communication is an odd beast these days. Everybody (especially Alexa) seems to know everything and nothing, all at the same time. Obviously the name Humbie Hub infers that it is at the centre of things … and it very much is! This was particularly true, however,  in 1953 when it was known as the Telegraph & Telephone Call Office. Suffice to say that the good folks of Humbie knew that Mount Everest had been conquered long before the rest of the world. The leader of the Everest expedition, John Hunt, sent a telegram to his mum who was living in Humbie at the time. The news wasn’t released to the rest of the world until the following month on the day of Queen Elizabeth’s coronation.

Joyous
View of Whitburgh House and dovecot
Whitburgh House and Dovecote where dad worked as a forester

By that time, of course, the village was well used to momentous events. A few years previously I had been born there!

Whitburgh cottage over the years
Whitburgh cottages in 1948,, 2012 and the present day

That glorious event was celebrated with much pageantry and joyous celebrations in the street(s) of Humbie … I’m pretty sure there’s more than one street. At least that’s how I imagine it.

External view of Whitburgh cottage
It’s just missing a blue plaque

I left when I was two months old and headed north to the Highlands. I always used to say that although I had been born in Humbie, I’d never been there. Obviously a false statement. Incredibly, sixty four years were to elapse before I darkened Humbie’s doorstep again. The news from our Trossachs correspondents about the advent of the Humbie Hub was all the excuse we needed for another visit.Internal view of the Humbie Hub

Thoughtful

There were lots of people sitting outside in the spring sunshine and as soon as you enter the Humbie Hub you just sense that it’s a happy place. As well as the Post Office you can buy almost anything imaginable in the shop. There’s a therapy room, a studio and rooms to let … they don’t miss a trick. A scone at the Humbie Hub

We ordered a ham and mustard toastie and a fruit scone … both to share. Thoughtfully, they halved the toastie and served it on separate plates along with some salad. Likewise the scone came with a second plate complete with jam and butter. That’s never happened to us anywhere else. Great service from people who, although busy, were cheerful and still took the time to chat. The very delicious scone had been baked by the lovely smiling Jenny. It’s a slight departure from custom but we decided to overlook the lack of cream and award a topscone … great place.

Toilets

Toilet twinning posterIt was intriguing to find that Humbie Hub toilet was twinned with another not quite so plush one in Malawi thanks to the local Primary school. We knew that Scotland had a long standing friendship with Malawi through the Scotland-Malawi Partnership  by hadn’t realised it extended to toilets.  It’s shocking to think, with the £trillions being thrown at wars all over the place, that kiddiwinks are still dying of diarrhoea through lack of basic sanitation.

Me with the panther at Whitburgh cottage
Next the the cottage where I was born there’s a panther made of pennies …. we don’t understand either!

And another mystery,  Now that Iran has launched an overnight attack on Israel, Western governments seem to be urging retaliation. Both Israel and Iran worship the same God, why don’t they ask Him what He would do? Whatever happened to “turn the other cheek?”

EH36 5PJ       tel: 01875 833 262         Humbie Hub

///anyway.shocking.fuses

ps: one of the Trossachs correspondent’s informants for this post was teacher, operatic soprano and artist Margot Archibald

Watercolour by Margot Archibald
“Adagio” by Margot Archibald

On the 23rd of this month she will be holding an exhibition of her atmospheric works at the Humbie Hub. All proceeds  go to MacMillan Cancer and victims of the Holocaust. Pat and I don’t know Margot but very much hope she sells the lot … good luck!

Fife Arms

With the Fife Arms in Braemar being voted the most stylish place in Britain it would seem like the natural habitat for Pat and I. The natural habitat for the twitchers amongst you is right at the end of this post where you can see Pat’s bird list for our stay in the Cairngorms. The dipper,was our favourite on this trip.

the Drawing Room

Braemar, of course is on Royal Deeside and is within spitting distance of Balmoral, the Royals favourite 50,000 acre playground. Meanwhile we are still having to make do on the Delnabo Estate, a mere 3,500 acres. The Royal connection probably doesn’t do the Fife Arms any harm with its cheapest room coming in at £750 per night … and the hotel is fully booked.

Trepidation

Introducing five cartwheeling, somersaulting, back-flipping  granddaughters to such salubrious surroundings is something you do with a certain sense of trepidation.

One of the Picassos

There’s twelve in our party and we were here for afternoon tea. It was going to be interesting and probably not what this place is used to. Before that however some of us went on the art tour. The Swiss couple who own the hotel are billionaire gallerists so the place is hanging with Picassos and other works of art. Pat and I were left looking after the children while the tour was going on. We needn’t have worried too much about the children. They ended up entertaining the other guests to much acclaim on the grand piano in the reception area. When they’re not abusing their grandpa they’re actually quite a talented bunch. Click here for a wee sample

dining area with a chandelier made of kitchen utensils

It seems odd that all the Picassos and other works of art are just hanging in public areas whereas the cozy wee bar we were shown into is kept locked.

The bar at the Fife Arms, Braemar
Our daughters in their natural habitat

It only makes sense when you realise that they have two bottles of whisky priced at £10,000 …not for a bottle, just a nip! Okay it’s 190 years old and was only recently discovered in a forgotten cellar room in Blair Castle. But even though!? And, more to the point, how do you manage to have a room you’ve forgotten for 190 years?

Not normal

Normally afternoon tea would be served in the beautiful quiet drawing room however because there was a host of us they said the chef’s table in the Clunie restaurant would be a better option. We had it all to ourselves which was maybe just as well.

The Clunie dining room
Everyone should have a full sized stag in their dining room

It took a while for our afternoon tea to appear but when it did we were not disappointed.

A private dining area
Private dining with a chandelier made of kitchen utensils

The scones were on the bottom tier and cosily wrapped up in a linen towel while we tackled a delicious array of sandwiches and sausage rolls. By the time we got round to the scones they were still lovely and warm. With the accompanying Fife Arms berry jam and clotted cream served in beautiful silver dishes this was a bit of a no brainer…. topscone!

Not your normal afternoon tea
Mystifying

There’s no doubt that the Fife Arms is a stylish, if expensive, place. It’s fully booked so they are obviously able to find people willing to pay their prices in a small Highland village like Braemar. It’s a kind of comment on the human condition. A Picasso is just paint on canvas yet we give it some magical attribution that artificially imposes an impossible value. It’s the same for a 190 year old whisky, is it worth £10,000 per sip? For simple folks like ourselves, it’s mystifying.

Mind you, not nearly as mystifying as the US and UK’s complete inability to recognise genocide. Britain in particular is more practiced than most in genocide so they should know it when they see it.  Of course, Britain has to follow US’s directives so its eyesight is severely impaired.

Tam o' Shanter fireplace at the Fife Arms, Braemar
Fireplace featuring the poems of Robert Burns

It has been the most wonderful week at Delnabo Lodge. Great house, great company, great scenery, great weather, great food … just great! But as they say “all good things …”

Picture atthe Fife Arms, Braemar
Circle Of Pieter Brueghel The Younger (1564 – 1636)

AB35 5YN.             tel: 01339 720215            Fife Arms Hotel

///everybody.giggle.ramps

ps: Pat’s bird list for Easter 2024, Delnabo estate
1 oyster catcher 2 carrion crows 3 heron gull 4 pheasant  5 Buzzard 6 Great tit 7 kestrel  8 blue tit 9 jackdaw 10 long tail tit 11 chaffinch 12 greylag goose 13 herring gull 14 skylark 15 grey wagtail 16 greenfinch  17 Siskin  18 treecreeper 19 Robin 20 goldcrest 21 goldfinch 22 collared dove 23 curlew 24 wood pigeon 25 song thrush 26 dipper 27 meadow pipit 28 Rook 29 black headed gull 30 mallard 31 Pied wagtail

Hettie’s Tearoom

Logo of Hettie's TearoomWe’re on a mission! And, unbelievably perhaps, it’s not for a scone. We are trying to find where my grandfather, John McKinnon, was born. I never knew him but some information has come to light recently so we’re on his trail. He was born at the Heights of Fodderty  just north of Inverness. That’s a long way, 170 miles. We know that our Aussie correspondents would regard this as comparable to a trip to the shops but for us it’s a long way. A stop was required round about the half way mark. That’s why we’re here in Hettie’s Tearoom in Pitlochry.Blackboard at Hettie's Tearoom

Remember our recent somewhat disastrous visit to Woodlea Cafe where chaos reigned and the scones were inedible? Well, this place is the exact opposite. It was busy but the chap at the counter welcomed us and said “I’m sure we can find you a nice wee table somewhere“. Already we were feeling good. The staff here know exactly what they were doing and seem happy doing it … great! 

Oo Oo!

A fruit scone to share was our order. Pat chose a coffee and I chose Oo Oo Butterfly Blue tea. Egg timer at Hettie's TearoomApparently it’s supposed to help you “fly through a bright sunny day” … just the ticket! Hettie’s tearoom is super enthusiastic about tea and they send their special tea blends all over the world. Obviously my tea was loose leaf and came with its own egg timer so that I would know when it was suitable infused. They even give you a second saucer in case you want to remove the little basket of tea leaves. How thoughtful.External view of Hettie's Tearoom

Red kites

We’re always on the lookout for birds and as we sat there we pondered on why we hardly ever see  red kites. And when we do occasionally  see them they always seem to be in relatively small geographical pockets. We reckoned it had to have something to do with them being a reintroduced species but then our attention was interrupted by the arrival of our scone. It was deliciously fresh and came with small pots of jam and cream. They don’t even ask if you want cream it just comes automatically. They know how to do things at Hettie’s Tearoom. Not very crunchy but thoroughly enjoyable nevertheless. Overall this was a delightful experience … topscone!

toilet directions at Hettie's Tearoom
Multilingual directions to the toilets – cludgie is Glaswegian
McKenzies

Grandfather's birthplace at DochnaclearYou probably don’t want to know about my grandfather but we are going to tell you what little we know anyway. It illuminates an era which was not very long ago but now seems like a completely different world. We have never been to the Heights of Fodderty before and it was something of an adventure along almost impassible roads trying to find the house at Dochnaclear where he was born. John’s mother was a McKenzie and believe it or not McKenzie’s still live there. 

Spooky

A red kitePicture of a stagAnd equally unbelievable they run a very successful taxidermy service specialising in red deer. We hadn’t expected that! In one of the large outhouses they showed us a room full of stuffed red deer heads with magnificent antlers all ready for shipment to Dubai. It’s difficult not to feel conflicted about this sort of thing, but given that there are far too many of these fabulous creatures in Scotland doing untold damage to our forests and woodlands. we can just about handle it. And guess what, as we stood chatting a couple of red kites were wheeling overhead … spooky or what? Later we went to the schoolhouse where my great grandfather signed the register for his son’s birth with his mark.

Fodderty schoolhouse
Fodderty old schoolhouse with the mark (copied from the certificate) my great grandfather used
The laird, the doctor and the minister

It had never occurred to me before that members of my family would have been unable to read or write. It’s perfectly obvious, of course, when you think about it. Back then reading and writing was probably the preserve of the laird, the doctor and the minister. Anyway, John eventually moved to Fort Augustus where he married my grandmother, Catherine McDonald, in 1914. I never knew her either because she died four years later giving birth to my mother and her twin sister.

It seems almost inconceivable nowadays that John was left on his own with twin baby girls and their slightly older sister. Nowadays we take so much for granted. There was no NHS back then and social services must have been rudimentary at best. Presumably the local community would have stepped in to help him because all three girls grew up to be very fine women. He died in 1938.

Mission accomplished, we felt very satisfied with our day!

PH16 5AB          tel: 01796 473991            Hetties

///hurricane.including.menu

ps: In our wandering along the Heights of Fodderty we unexpectedly came across the Neil Gunn memorial. He is one of my favourite authors but one which I normally associate with Helmsdale, about 100 miles north of here. Turns out he spent the latter part of his live just a couple of hundred yards away from where my grandfather was born. It’s a small world! We also named our eldest daughter (by 5 mins) Kirsty, after a character in his book The Silver Darlings.

Neil Gunn Memorial
The Neil Gunn memorial with the Cromarty Firth and Dingwall in the distance

He wrote in the mornings and spent the afternoons walking. Looking at the state of the world today we will leave you with one of Gunn’s observations as he walked his beloved Heights of Fodderty.

“For at the end of the day, what’s all the bother about?  Simply about human relations, about how we are to live one with another on the old earth. That’s all, ultimately. To understand one another, and to understand what we can about the earth, and, in the process, gather some peace of mind and, with luck, a little delight.”

Fonab 600

We’ve been here several times before and as most of you know, we reckon Fonab Castle serves the best scones in the world. It is our benchmark scone. But why Fonab 600 we hear you ask? It’s simply that this is our 600th scone since we started this blog back in 2015. Unbelievable, 600 scones and yet Pat still has the figure of a teenager and I am still compared to a “racing snake”. I’m sure that this doesn’t refer to my ability to move fast these days so it has to be a reference to my sylph-like figure.Internal view of Fonab Castle

Who is PM today?

It’s a milestone so, of course, what better way to mark the occasion than check that our benchmark scones are still up to scratch.  Last time we did this was back in 2018. The Prime Minister of the day (we’ve had so many it’s like ‘soup du jour’ when it come to the Tories) was delivering a speech on withdrawal from the EU which totally ignored the wishes of the people of Scotland. Unfortunately, judging by recent events in the House of Commons, nothing has changed in the intervening years. But would Fonab’s scones have changed? That was the question facing us.

The Brasserie at Fonab Castle
The Brasserie

You are also aware that we don’t just judge the scones. Service, presentation, ambience are all key ingredients for a topscone. Fonab is a bit posh but it doesn’t have to be. As long as it’s an overall nice experience we may very well dish out our top award.  

Tea

When we arrived at Fonab  we were immediately welcomed and shown to a table overlooking Loch Faskally and lofty  Ben Vrackie. When we asked for our traditional ‘cream tea’ they said it might take about twenty minutes to prepare the scones. “would that be okay?” Of course! We settled down to peruse the tea menu. Pat decide on “Orange Blossom –  a citrusy symphony in your teacup“.  I went for the “Fonab Blend – a bespoke tea offering a bright and medium bodied cup with subtle aftertaste of hibiscus and rosehip“. Honestly, it’s getting as fantastical as whisky descriptions.

View from Fonab Castle
View from our table over Loch Faskally
Competition

After about twenty minutes our scones turned up about as fresh as it’s possible to get. cream tea at Fonab CastleInitially we thought they had been a trifle overdone but once again they were perfect. Beautifully warm, crunchy on the outside and wonderfully soft on the inside. Presentation with crisp linen napkins and little pots of jam and cream was second to none. Once again Fonab had managed to retain its position in spite of severe competition. Places such as Ackergill Tower in Wick Claridge’s in London and Schloss Roxburghe in the Scottish border country have tried hard but ultimately failed.

Artwork at Fonab CastleA lot has happened in the course of 600 scones. When we started David Cameron had just gained power for the conservatives. We’ve had another four conservative PMs since then but Cameron is probably still PM, albeit from the backseat. Scottish MPs seeking independence won 56 out of 59 Westminster seats … a fat lot of good that did! Scotland still has a majority wanting independence but don’t hold your breath. Scotland and the Falkland Islands are about all that’s left of the Empire.

If we had any sense we would give up now but, as you are very well aware, we are not over-endowed in that department. Lowly scones have taken us to places we would never otherwise have been and for that we are grateful. They have enriched our lives. But who knows, we might give up if Fonab ever gets knocked off its perch.

PH16 5ND          tel: 01796 470140             Fonaab Castle

///soup.material.newsreel

Darnley Coffee House

Today we are in Darnley Coffee House. Built in the 16th century it’s had a long and chequered history. At one time it served as a rather famous brothel and now it’s said to be troubled by poltergeists … you know, things that go bump in the night!  Apparently, however, it takes its name from Lord Darnley whose home it used to be. He was Mary Queen of Scots second of three husbands. Of little import, you might think, when scones are in question! However, a brief bullet-point history may help readers understand the sort of dramas this place (and its scones) may have witnessed back then!
 
  • Mary became Queen of Scotland when she was six days old. She was crowned and spent the first four years of her life just a few hundred yards away from Darnleys Coffee House in Stirling Castle.
  • In 1558, aged 15, she married the 14 year old Dauphin  Francis of France and became Queen of France as well as Scotland when his dad died a year later.  She was sixteen.
  • King Francis died when she was eighteen whereupon she was sent back to Scotland (no offspring had transpired so no longer required)
  • Four years after returning to Scotland she fell head over heels in love with her half cousin, Lord Darnley (in whose house we are currently eating scones – albeit the stables of the house)
  • Darnley turned out (like a lot of Lords to this very day) to be a bit of a waste of space so Mary ended up  pretty much disregarding  him.
That old chestnut – jealousy!
  • Darnley became jealous of Mary’s Italian private secretary David Rizzio. Darnley thought, wrongly, that Rizzio  may have been responsible for his wife being pregnant.
  • Darnley, aided and abetted by Lord Bothwell stabbed Rizzio fifty six times in the Queen’s bedchamber in Holyrood Palace. The blood stains are still there!  Then, for good measure, they kicked him down the stairs … Rizzio was dead!
  • Later, Darnley was living at Kirk o’ Field in Edinburgh when it was blown up. He was found dead in the garden. The body, however, was unharmed … he had been suffocated!
  • In 1567 Mary visited her and Darnley’s son James, in Stirling Castle (he was only ten months old). Mary never saw her son again.
  • Mary was forced to abdicate and her son became King of Scotland and England when he was thirteen months old (can it get any weirder?)
  • Yes, Lord Bothwell, surprise, surprise, turned out to be another waste of space. He abducted and raped Mary in Dunbar Castle. After being divorced for a full twelve days Bothwell forced Mary to marry him in 1567. You’d never guess that he had an ulterior motive! She later miscarried twins while imprisoned in a castle on a tiny island in the middle of Loch Leven.
  • A year later she escaped and raised an army to fight the Battle of Langside.
  • Ten years later Lord Bothwell, imprisoned in a Danish castle, died having gone completely insane.
  • Because Mary was Catholic and had a legitimate claim to the English throne she spent 19 years imprisoned in various castles in both Scotland and England.
  • In 1587 at Fotheringhay Castle, Mary, aged 44, had her head chopped by her cousin Elizabeth I (not actually by Elizabeth – she got someone to do it for her)
Learning outcomes

Readers who have persevered so far will, if nothing else, have learned two things 1. Lords are generally a waste of space 2. Castles are useful for all sorts of things.  Nothing about scones though … unless, of course, you continue reading!

old illustration of Stirling at Darnley Coffee House
Picture in Darleysb of the street outside. Lord Darley may even be it?
Alluring
Earlier in the day we had been to see an old black and white movie “The Edge of the World” supposedly set on remote St Kilda.  In 1937 they couldn’t get permission to film on St Kilda so resorted to producing the film on the equally remote island of Foula in the Shetlands. For me, St Kilda is unique in that it seems to become even more alluring after you have visited. Nowhere else has had that same affect.  Anyway, the movie was highly unrealistic but remarkable in that they got the technology of the age to work at all in such a remote place.
 
Wee stills
After that we visited Stirling Distillery. The still at Stirling DistilleryI was puzzled how such a small distillery was able to produce any whisky at all. Turns out they can only do very small batches. Their first produce won’t be ready until 2027. And there won’t be much of it even then … probably about 300 bottles. When we saw the stiil it all started to make sense ,… it’s tiny! Let’s hope they can make it commercially viable. Meantime, gin sales willl have to keep the whole thing going. We bought a bottle of their nettle gin then we headed a little way down the street to Darnleys Coffee House.
 
Internal view of Darnley Coffee HouseThe first thing you notice is the barrel vaulted ceilings. They don’t do them like that any more. Like the distillery, it’s small and easily managed by just two or three very friendly staff who seem to take a real pride in what they do. Internal view of Darnley Coffee House
Having had quite a busy day of watching movies and visiting distilleries we felt in need of sustenance. Lunch was plentiful and absolutely delicious! The question was, could we manage a scone as well? 
Cream tea
Well, you know the answer to that. Cream tea at Darnley Coffee HouseThey offered a cream tea which came with  two scones … one each. They were a bit bigger than expected so, at first, we thought we had been a tad ambitious. No worries, they were nicely presented, warm and just as delicious as our lunch had been.  In no time they were nowhere to be seen! We dithered a little over a topscone award but eventually  decided that they just made it. Well done Darnley Coffee House, 
 
Internal view of Darnley Coffee House
Hostages?
There’s a tiny flicker of humanity appearing in the Israel/Gaza war. A brief ceasefire has been agreed, conditional on the release of Israeli hostages held in Gaza. Israel calls its Palestinian hostages ‘prisoners’ and has published the names  of 300 potential releases. Only half that number will actually be released … how thoughtless and cruel is that?
Dead right or right dead?
Isn’t it odd that every war is fought between people who honestly believe they are ‘right’. Or, at least we’re not aware of any war being fought with one side believing they’re wrong. God is always on both sides! War doesn’t make any sense unless both sides are ‘right’ … but then that doesn’t make sense either?  And they never end with one side being proved wrong … just dead! On that basis Israel will win this war, not because they are ‘right’ but just because the Palestinians are dead … what a fab solution!  You would have thought, with 80 million deaths in WWII, us homo sapiens would have learned something?
 
Okay, that’s it, Pat and I need to get on with our cosy little lives!
 

FK8 1BS           tel: 01786 474468          Darnley Coffee FB

///press.rewarding.indoor

Kinloch Lodge

Snow after leaving CluanieAfter leaving Ballachulish we ventured on towards the Isle of Skye. It was nice to see snow on the tops of some of the hills, our first snows of the year. However, it never occurred to us that in another half hour the road would be white and we would be driving through a blizzard.  Okay, the road at this point was 1300 feet above sea level and as soon as we dropped some height it was fine again. Nevertheless, snow was unexpected and quite exciting.

Stokers from down under

We had aimed to arrive at our destination, Kinloch Lodge, in early afternoon because they had offered tea and scones on arrival. It had to be early afternoon so that we had an appetite for dinner in the evening. These are the sort of decisions we are forced to make these days! True to their word, before we had even seen our room, we were ushered into one of the drawing rooms and sat in front of a lovely log fire.

Originally built in 1676 as a farmhouse, all the public rooms have log fires expertly managed by the staff. Amazingly, quite a few of the staff hailed from the Gold Coast of Australia. Not quite sure how they found their way here but they all seemed to be thoroughly enjoying their time on Skye.Internal view of Kinloch Lodge drawing room

One of our daughters was here at Kinloch with her family a couple of years ago and has heaped praise on it ever since. We were beginning to see why!

The scones arrived beautifully presented complete with sparkling white linen napkins. Scones at Kinloch LodgeJust as you might expect in a place like this. And just as you might expect they were topscones. Perfect size, lovely and warm and complete with lots of jam and cream. What was not to like? In our younger days on Skye we normally camped  and have experienced everything Skye weather could throw at us. Now, many years later it was great to be back in such comfortable surroundings.  We’re getting soft!

View from Kinloch Lodge
From Kinloch over Loch na Dal and the Sound of Sleat towards the hills of Knoydart

Clans

My lineage makes me feel right at home here. My middle name is MacDonald and my mother’s name was McKinnon, both good Skye names. Isabella MacDonald, daughter of Godfrey Macdonald, the 35th High Chief of his clan runs Kinloch today, She can trace her family back to the 9th century. When her her parents set up Kinloch in 1972 their ambition was to create  a place that had everything they could possibly want in a hotel: comfy beds, endless hot water, warm and attentive service and, above all, delicious food. Mission accomplished we would say.

Dining room of Kinloch Lodge dining room
Lots of MacDonald family portraits hanging in the dining room

To top off clan connections Isabella is very ably assisted by the delightful Rachel McKinnon. My brother once visited a graveyard on the Waternish peninsula on Skye to try and shed more light on our mother’s side of the family. All for nothing, however, lots of headstones but almost all were McKinnon.

The MacDonald boys Sir James Macdonald 1741–66 and Sir Alexander Macdonald 1744/45–95 wearing four different tartans when wearing tartan was forbidden. Apparently the MacDonalds were above any law imposed by the English Crown! Picture by William Mosman

Wasn’t it obvious?

At the ongoing COVID enquiry  Simon Case, Head of the Civil Service was giving evidence. He said of Boris Johnson’s government that he had “never seen a bunch of people less well-equipped to run a country“. Surely we all knew that?

Yesterday saw the state opening of Parliament. Anyone tuning in from abroad must have thought they had accidentally hit a Disney channel. That degree of pomp looks totally ridiculous and inappropriate for a country heading towards recession. The spectacle of the King in fancy dress reading out statements even he doesn’t believe in doesn’t help either. Mind you, who are we to criticise anyone? Sitting here sipping whisky in front of the fire  in the bar after a superb dinner.

Internal view of Kinloch Lodge bar
The bar

IV43 8QY         tel: 01471 833333              Kinloch Lodge

///smudges.altering.spud

 

Balbirnie House revisited

We last visited Balbirnie House back in January when Rishi Sunak was visiting Scotland as Prime Minister for the first time. He was to be Nicola Sturgeon’s fifth Prime Minister, such was the turnover in Tory PM’s. Now she has gone as well but having just passed her driving test at the ripe old age of 53 she seems to be thoroughly enjoying having time to herself again. With an upcoming election Rishi might soon be able to do the same.

He keeps telling us that Britain is leading the world in just about everything. Problem is that, according to a recent report, we are also leading in terms of destitution with  3.8 million people now defined in that way. “Destitution” differs from “poverty” in that it means that people suffering from destitution can no longer afford the basics required to live. Of the 3.8 million, 1 million are children. Normally, destitution results in homelessness.  With most of the government consisting of multi-millionaires they won’t have the slightest notion about destitution so they’ll probably just ignore it and hope it goes away.Logo of Balbirnie House

We offer this bleak assessment of the state of the UK as a backdrop to us wittering on about the joys of lemon curd combined with lemon flavoured scones in a large luxurious country house. We know!

Internal view of Balbirnie HouseYou might wonder why we are back here so soon, after all it’s only been a matter of months. It’s only a short drive from home but the main reason, of course, is that we enjoyed our previous visit and wanted to do again – simple! Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that they give you a cream tea when you arrive.

Locked in?

Balbirnie was built in 1815. With beautiful grounds, a golf course and 31 bedrooms, all with beds the size of Texas, it’s particularly popular for weddings. It even has its own “padlock fence” where couples can return and attach their own padlock. A bit weird but we think we understand?

Padlock fence at Balbirnie House
If you are all loved up you might use this, obviously Cameron and Catriona were!

External view of Balbirnie House

Scones at Balbirnie HouseLemons were also grown in orangeries and when our scones arrived they turned out to be lemon scones accompanied with lemon curd and clotted cream. A heady combination which we had never tried before.  Pat wasn’t too sure so they supplied her with a little dish of raspberry jam as an alternative. We seldom if ever attach the word ‘tangy’ to a scone tasting but these were delicious and ‘tangy’. There’s a first … and an easy topscone.
 
External view of Balbirnie House
Senseless
As if the world doesn’t have enough senseless killing at the moment, there’s been yet another shooting in the US. This one was in Lewiston, Maine with at least eighteen people dead so far. The 565th mass shooting in the US this year. Republicans will doubtless trot out that tired and tattered line “guns don’t kill – people do”.  Except, of course, people do find it much much more difficult to kill without guns! C’mon Republicans you can do better than this?
 

KY7 6NE        tel: 01592 610066         Balbirnie House Hotel

///freshest.seats.period

Greywalls

March for Scottish Independence in EdinburghIsn’t it really silly that a country like Scotland has to resort to protest marches just to get a say in our own future. Well here we are in Edinburgh, along with thousands of others, being really silly. If this is what it takes, so be it. It was a very happy day with all age ranges well represented. Being part of a sea of Saltires, however, made us wonder how it came to be the national flag … the oldest flag in the world. We probably understand the American and Australian flags better than we understand our own, Because our readers are spread all over the world we feel a duty to enlighten, not only about scones but about Scotland as well. So here goes! Hang in there, we do eventually end up with scones at Greywalls.

WARNING:

Like a lot of Scottish stuff … haggis, unicorns, kelpies, Nessie etc. one has to keep an open mind. To get Saltire answers we travelled about 20 miles east of Edinburgh to the tiny village of Athalstaneford and the Flag Heritage Centre. The Slatier Heritage Centre Doocot in AthalstanefordIt’s housed in a doocot (dovecot) built in 1583 when people were presumably a lot smaller than they are today.

Saint in a quandary

In 832 the Battle of Athalstaneford took place here. The Northumbrian’s were totally brassed off with the Picts coming south and stealing their cattle. They formed an army led by Athalstane and headed north bent on revenge. Angus, King of Picts, feared what was coming and prayed for help from St Andrew. Lo and behold, in the sky there appeared a cloud formation in the form of a diagonal cross the same as the one on which St Andrew had been crucified. Inspired, Angus won the day and promised to make Andrew the patron saint of Scotland for helping him win. Mind you Andrew is also patron saint to both Russia and Ukraine … bit of a quandary there? Readers should also bear in mind that in the 9th century they hadn’t realised that these patterns were invariably caused by vapour trails from high flying jets. Sign for the Saltire Heritage Centre

Anyway, Greywalls is just a hop skip and a jump from Athalstaneford. You can probably tell from the title picture that it’s our kind of place. Lovely country house surrounded by beautiful gardens. Expectations were high!

Mashie niblicks

The house was built in 1901 as a holiday home for the Hon Alfred Lyttelton. He insisted that it be built ‘within a mashie niblick shot of the eighteenth green at Muirfield’. That’s a lofted club so not very far. You will remember that, in 2017, this was the golf club at the centre of a sexism scandal for refusing to allow women members. Obviously they lost that battle! As a hotel, however, Greywall’s remains a favourite haunt of golfers from all over the world. The interior is as you would expect of such a grand country house, though somewhat oddly, we were shown into a rather modern conservatory area which contrasted strangely with the rest of the house.Internal view of Greywalls

We ordered tea and scones. And they were duly delivered in what we would describe as an efficient rather than Scones at Greywallsa friendly manner. Again, as with our previous post from Craobh, they arrived on a slate. The scones were excellent. Slightly warmed and crisp on the outside with a fabulous soft interior. Lots of jam and cream. We felt they might even challenge our benchmark scones from Fonab Castle and Schlosse Roxburghe. They definitely would have if the service had not been quite so rigid. Still a good topscone though.

A life and a half

Portrait of Flora MacDonald HorlickIn the hall there was a portrait of Flora MacDonald Horlick. She was a direct descendant of Flora MacDonald who bravely disguised Bonnie Prince Charlie as Betty Burke, her Irish spinning maid to help him escape the redcoats. He fled to France but she was caught and imprisoned in the Tower of London. Years later she arrived in South Carolina at the beginning of the American Revolution.

But having backed the losing side she ended up forced into hiding herself. She lost everything and opted to return to her beloved Skye. During her return this defiant woman, refused to opt for safety below deck and was shot in the arm by pirates. We think she would have been a member at Muirfield whether they liked it or not. She died in 1790, survived by seven of her children and is buried on Skye wrapped in a sheet in which the Bonnie Prince had slept. That’s a life and a half. But her descendent in the picture, by comparison, seems to have had a much more privileged life.Garden tables at Greywalls

Marches, flags, battles, scones and heroines … quite enough for one day!

EH31 2EG.     tel: 01620 842144          Greywalls

///shaped,sweetened.undivided

ps This Falkirk made K6 telephone box is outside the Flag Heritage Centre in downtown Athalstaneford. It still has a working telephone and also functions as a library.Carron K6 telephone box in Athalstaneford

Craobh

Today, we are out wandering with the intention of finding somewhere for dinner in the evening. Not entirely random, however, we do have a little French restaurant called the Barley Bree in mind. It’s in the lovely conservation village of Muthill and we used to go there quite often to visit our aunt. The story gets a little convoluted but bear with us. Unfortunately when we looked it up on the internet it seemed to be closed and up for sale. Phone calls went unanswered. Not to worry, it had been a long time since we had been in this beautiful part of Perthshire so we decided to carry on and find somewhere  in the next town, Crieff.

However, when we were driving through Muthill we passed the Barley Bree and Pat thought that it looked as if it was open. We couldn’t stop because of the traffic so we carried on another couple of miles to Crieff. Hence you find us here in the middle of the afternoon in Craobh, slap bang in the centre of town. However, wonder of wonders, in the course of the afternoon we discovered that the Barley Bree was now called the Coorie Inn (a play on the Scots saying “coorie in” meaning to snuggle). We got their phone number and voila, we had a booking for later! 

Parking again!

Back to Craobh! We parked right outside and surprise, surprise had to pay via an app. After our previous experience at the Old Mill in Christchurch this gave us a touch of the heebie-jeebies. Guess what, it failed again! We asked a passing lady if she could get it to work. She just laughed and shook her head. However she did tell us that we could park round the corner for free. What a woman! Pat went off to park while I went into the restaurant. To be fair to this app called RingGo, other people seem to use the it without difficulty so we suspect that our version has developed a glitch.Internal view of Craobh restaurant in Crieff

Craobh is Gaelic for ‘tree’ and is pronounced “kroov”. Perthsire is famous for its big trees, hence the name. It’s a lovely restaurant with quite a few tables at the front and then several more through the back. It was completely deserted. The Mary Celeste had more folk. There was only a couple of young girls behind the counter.

They welcomed us and confirmed that they did have scones … hurrah! Then they spent some time consulting their reservation book to see if they could fit us in. Curious, because as far as we could make out every single table was available. Turned out that they were actually fully booked for dinners so were probably just checking that we were not going to interfere with their first reservations. Anyway it was great to hear that they were fully booked and by the sounds of it that was the case most nights … fantastic! 

Slate plates

Since we were having  dinner later we just asked for a scone to share and some coffee. It, or rather they, arrived nicely presented on a piece of slate. Obviously this would upset the bellyachers at wewantplates.com. Scones at Craobh restaurant in CrieffThey get terribly upset about food served on anything other than a plate. Thankfully we have never been known to bellyache about anything! We can tolerate a bit of slate … especially if it’s adorned with warm scones, jam and cream. And we did have side plates. With this sort of attention to detail we began to understand why this place might be so popular. We thought that they just managed to squeak into our topscone category. Well done Croabh!

Stranger than fiction

Sign at Craobh restaurant in CrieffGoodness, it’s all going on in the world. On one hand we have a Russian president gayly murdering anyone he doesn’t approve of.

On the other we have a former US president being fingerprinted and mugshotted. As an ex-professional photographer I can honestly say that I would have been sacked if I had taken a mugshot like that. Besides the subject matter, there just isn’t anything right about it. Trump, as ever, is up to his old school boy tricks, deflecting attention so that nothing of substance ever gets discussed. And yet his supporters keep following like mesmerised cattle apparently oblivious to the harm he does to the US and the world.

In sporting news it is all about the president of total plonkers  Luis Rubiales and the turmoil created by THE KISS. If any of our most imaginative readers were asked to make up a surreal, fantastical week of news it would probably fall well short of the actual reality.Internal view of Craobh restaurant in Crieff

Schwarzenegger says

Our dinner at the Coorie Inn was great. It’s been taken over by Andrew, Phil and Lisa … all previously of the five star Gleneagles Hotel. They’ve only had it for five weeks so still settling in but they seem to be making a real go of it. We wish them well. After a delicious dinner we discovered that they do scones every afternoon! We will be back!

PH7 3EY       tel: 01764 650762       Craobh

///accompany.inkjet.ideals

Notice at Craobh restaurant in Crieffps: This notice was in Craobh …. discuss!  Think we know  why it’s from  “source unknown”.

Scotts Greenock

We are about as familiar with Greenock as we are with the dark side of the moon. And that’s more than a little peculiar because it’s only an hour’s drive from home. We can only blame it on its situation on the southern shores of the Clyde hemmed in by hills. Also, Pat is from the north side of the river and generally that means you don’t go to the “south side” unless absolutely necessary! Unless you have a particular excuse to go there, you just don’t. Today we have a particular excuse.Logo of Scotts - Greenock

Our Sydney correspondents let us know that they were on a cruise and today they would be docked at Greenock. By a happy coincidence we had also been informed that Buzzworks had just opened  a new restaurant in the town called Scotts Greenock. We could kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.

Island Princess cruise liner
View of the Island Princess from our table

We visit Scotts at South Queensferry quite a lot and we thought it would be good to have a look at this new recently opened enterprise. Situated in Greenock, it would also mean that our friends would not have too far to travel from their ship. We booked a table for today.

Power of the kettle

For many years Greenock was the centre of shipbuilding, sugar refining and wool manufacturing but now they have all disappeared and it is bravely trying to recover from these heady days of heavy industry. James Watt, who famously discovered steam power by trying to hold down the lid of his kettle was born here in 1736, More recently, so was Judge Dredd

Imagine our surprise when we found that Scotts is actually part of the Ocean Terminal building that our friends had to go through to get on and off their ship. They beat us to it and were already at the table. It’s seven years since we last saw them so it was wonderful to see them again. There was loads to catch up on!Internal view of Scotts - Greenock

Cameron was our server. He got us all sorted up with a delicious lunch but when we asked for a scone he just looked very perplexed and scurried off.  He returned with the devastating news that they didn’t have any.  And here was us hoping to give our correspondents a in-person refresher course! It was all a bit odd, however, because every other Buzzworks place we have been to has scones displayed in their bar areas.

Can I help you?

I ventured up to the bar just to check that Cameron hadn’t misunderstood. When a lady saw me searching she asked if she could be of help.

Entrance to Scotts - Greenock
the entrance to Scotts

I explained my surprise that they didn’t have any scones when all their sister restaurants did. She explained that having only opened a couple of weeks ago, they weren’t fully operational yet. She assured me that as soon as they were they would have scones just like everywhere else. Then she added “but when you made your reservation you wrote that you were meeting friends from Australia for lunch and hopefully a scone  … so we made some scones this morning, especially.” Goodness gracious, had we actually stumbled on an organisation that actually paid attention to the individual?  Wow, a rare thing in this modern automated world! I resisted an almost overpowering urge to kiss this lovely lady and returned to the table to deliver the good news. 

In no time at all Cameron was delivering our scones, nicely presented on large oval cobalt blue platters. A scone at Scotts - GreenockNo cream but perhaps that wasn’t altogether surprising given that the scones in front of us were the only ones the restaurant had ever had. The four of us thoroughly enjoyed them and although we didn’t think the scones on their own  merited a topscone we decided to award one anyway. Considering the trouble they had gone to on our behalf it was totally deserved. Well done Scotts Greenock for going above and beyond!

Our friends had been in Shetland the day before and Iceland the day before that. This cruising lark is relentless and  sadly, before long,  it was time to say farewell. They had to get back on board and head for Southampton. Cameron kindly offered to take a final picture on the outdoor deck area and then, with hugs and kisses, we parted.Us with our Sydney correspondents

Cruising

Inspired by tales of sailing the high seas and discovering new and exotic places, we decided to give it a go. We drove a couple of miles further along the coast to Gourock and boarded the good ship Sound of Shuna for the 20 minute trip to Dunoon.

Western ferry at Gourock
Not a huge amount of luxury on the Sound of Shuna but it did have a toilet

Okay, not exactly cruising but it did enabled us to make a round trip up the shores of Loch Long across the Rest And Be Thankful and down the shores of Loch Lomond. We eventually got home very late after a great day full of happy memories!

A letter box made in Falkirk in St Catherines on the shores of Loch Long

Our Sydney correspondents thought our blog had gone rather quiet on the subject of Scottish politics … Nicola Sturgeon and all that? They’re right, of course, we have gone quiet. The reason being that we have no idea what is going on. If anyone else knows please get in touch. All we can say is that the actual case for Scottish independence remains stronger than ever. 

Latest news is that the US Defence Department has a secret stash of UFOs. If true, it infers that these ‘nonhuman biologics’ had the intelligence and wherewithal to get somewhere but then had no idea what to do once there. A complete mystery if it wasn’t for the fact that it sounds suspiciously like Westminster!

PA15 1EG       tel: 01475 602460        Scotts – Greenock

///hill.onions.union