We are still in Poole though technically we’re in Westbourne which, to us, just seems like part of Poole. The good people of Westbourne, however, would probably disagree.It has a slightly independent air about it. With both halves being in relative agreement our new fangled granddaughter GPS system worked well on this occasion. It took us directly to Westbourne Arcade. Pat had been here shopping the day before in Rose the Store and wanted to return to thank them for being so kind and helpful. Saffron was virtually next door.
Wimborne Arcade built in 1884. Lots of shops and even a small 19 seat cinema
Numerals
Roman numerals 1-1000
It’s run by a couple of high fliers. One worked as cabin crew with British Airways for many years and the other with Virgin Atlantic. With their big welcoming smiles their experience in hospitality was obvious right from the start. While our granddaughters rearranged the sugar pouches so that they were all the right way up one of them was talking about Roman numerals. Along with all the other nonsense that comes out of their mouths we thought nothing of it. Later however their parents showed us this picture which had been done at school, not as part of any kind of project but just because she “felt like it”. The original must have been about ten feet long. In vain, I desperately looked for a mistake. There had to be at least one, but no, every one correct. Sometimes kids can take you totally by surprise.
Our scone complete with cream and jam plus a chocolate babychinno with marshmallows for the girls
Fresh
We also got almond croissants for the girls (don’t tell the parents) and were informed that Americans don’t know how to say ‘croissant’ properly. Apparently they say ‘croiSANT’. Our American readers should feel free to confirm or deny this dastardly rumour being put about by young British girls. We could easily tell that our scone had been baked just a few hours earlier, it was so fresh! An easy topscone.
We came to the end of our week in Poole wondering if we had done enough to entertain our granddaughters while their parents worked. Maybe the trip to Tesco followed by another to Homebase hadn’t been enough? After a wee poetry session at bedtime the night before we were presented with this little note the following morning. It was the best week for us too. Now we just have the long drive back to Scotland.
Of course, with a Microsoft global IT outage you might never receive this post … you should be so lucky!
We’ve been trying to book an afternoon tea here in Lamlash House since what seems like forever. It’s always fully booked because they only do them once in a while. For example, the next one isn’t until 7th September. Anyway, we managed to get booked so here we are in the lace manufacturing town of Newmilns in deepest Ayrshire.
Although lace manufacturing has largely died out in the town MYB Textiles still carries on the tradition. Now, they are the world’s only producer still making patterned lace on their 100 year old looms.
Banking To Banqueting
One of several windows dedicated to Scotlands writers and poets. This one is to Robert Tannahill.
Lamlash House was built in 1889 for the Royal Bank of Scotland. It’s opulent Victorian interiors were obviously designed to impress but they are only evident today due to the monumental renovation undertaken by its current owners, Gordon and Jonathan. To begin with they only had the upstairs but in 2014 when the bank decided to quit they acquired the downstairs as well. Years of intense restoration followed before they were able to open the doors again in 2019. And what a job they have done! The attention to detail is astonishing. It is like stepping back in time but with an air of playfulness replacing the rather stern solidity of the bank. Their years of toil have really paid off.
Today they were celebrating a five year anniversary so everyone was presented with complimentary fizz on arrival. Our tea was served in what used to be the main banking hall; now styled around Charles Rennie Macintosh. From the Leaf Tea and Infusion Menu we chose the Lamlash House Signature Blend which was billed as the perfect accompaniment to scones … just what we needed!
The afternoon tea was a cornucopia of goodies from delicious sandwiches to citrusy posset with a raspberry on top. And fabulous scones, of course. All this combined with perfect service in beautiful surroundings made it a wonderful experience. Although not quite Pat’s birthday she was suitably serenaded and presented with a cake complete with candle. This was an experience which could easily rival Fonab Castle and Schloss Roxburgh as our sconey benchmarks.
Small but perfect
Afterwards we went out to the garden to finish off our bubbles in the sunshine. And after that we went to what they think may be the smallest bar in Scotland – the Strongroom Bar. Obviously it used to be the walk-in safe for the bank and it features one which used to sit in the main banking hall where we had our afternoon tea. It’s great fun and, as expected, beautifully reimagined as a bar. However, it can only accommodate a couple of people so our cocktails were served next door in the Library. It’s not a lot bigger but is beautifully appointed and does have a couple of very comfortable easy chairs.
Pat had a French Martini and mine was a Cosmo-Not. Served, of course, on £50 notes (napkins)
Lamlash house has a real family feel about it. No one seems to be in a rush. It was Jonathan’s mother that answered the door and it was her and her friends who were working in the kitchen. Long after afternoon tea was finished they still took delight in showing us around the premises and explaining the significance of some of the features and the difficulties experienced during renovations. Of course, they can only do this because they carefully manage the number of small weddings and other events they hold to keep stress levels to an absolute minimum … perfect!
Gordon, Pat and Jonathan beside a vintage bicycle in the garden
Lock in
We have seldom enjoyed a visit as much as we did this one. It was an absolute pleasure. It seems a shame to sully it with political comment so we won’t.
Flora, Roman Goddess of Flowers and the Season of Spring at the front door
Except to say that we missed the TV Leaders Debate between Sunak and Starmer which we referred to in our previous post from Stockbridge House. Of course, the media have been talking about nothing else so we almost feel as if we did actually see it. There was no mention of anything of importance like the National Debt, Brexit or Scotland. Instead they just lied to each other and to us. With leadership like this we wish we could just lock ourselves in Lamlash House until it is all over … or even longer!
Goodness, it’s over nine years since we last wrote about Palmerston’s, here in lovely Dunkeld. In the 9th century there was a union by marriage between the Scots and the Picts and King Kenneth MacAlpin made Dunkeld the capital of his new Scotland. The village is strategically placed at the entrance to a pass leading to the Highlands and sits on the north bank of the River Tay. In fact it is just upstream from Ballathie House where we were earlier this month. On the opposite bank of the river is the village of Birnam, made famous by Shakespeare for its mobile forest.
A witch’s word
Apparently it put the jitters up the villainous Macbeth when he was informed that Birnam Wood was moving towards his fortress at Dunsinane. After all, several witches had told him he was safe as long as that highly unlikely event ever came to pass … and who wouldn’t believe a witch? However, he was right to be jittery, oh yes! It was actually the English army that had cut down the branches and were using them to camouflage their stealthy approach. Suffice to say, Macbeth’s head ends up in a different place to the rest of him. Is that a suitable ending for a villain? That was way back in the 11th century and we don’t have villains like that any more … or do we?
But before we go into that let’s look at something altogether more wholesome, Palmerston’s scones. Nine years ago you will clearly remember that they were a little unusual. They were baked in a large round then cut into triangular quadrants. Well, they still are and they had four different types for us to choose from! Somewhat unenterprisingly we decided on fruit scones, or sultana as it’s known in these parts.
They’re very friendly here. Straight off we were asked if we wanted butter and jam or cream and jam? Very sensible. We opted for cream and jam! When the scones arrived at our table, however we had cream, jam and two different types of butter. Not so sensible. As you know we’re partial to a crunchy exterior and a nice soft fluffy interior. These couldn’t be described in that way but nevertheless they were absolutely delicious with lots of big juicy sultanas … topscone!
Is that light at the end of the tunnel?
Let’s get back to villains! All in all it’s seems to have been a good day for us here in Dunkeld but a bad day for villains … hurrah! The International Criminal Court has issued arrest warrants for Benjamin Netanyahu and his associates. They’ve done the same for the Hamas resistance. However, there’s been a similar warrant for Putin’s arrest since 2023 so don’t expect these new warrants to make a whole lot of difference any time soon. Perhaps more importantly Norway, Ireland and Spain have announced their intention to recognise Palestinian statehood … hurrah again! This is what is needed to get people talking seriously about a two state solution. Also, Paula Vennells, a priest but seen by many as a villain, starts her submission to the inquiry into the horrors of the Post Office Horizon scandal.
UK style democracy
Unfortunately this is also the week when Rishi Sunak labelled people who want Scotland to be an independent country again (that’s at least half the people of Scotland) as extremists. A danger to the UK. This, in spite of the fact that no-one in the 100 years or so of Scotland’s passionate bid to regain its self-respect has suffered so much as a nose-bleed. We thought Trump was pretty stupid among political figures but he may have competition.
Perhaps more serious than all of that, the last time we were here Palmerston’s had just returned from the World Jam Championships with a bunch of prize certificates. Sadly we were informed that these Jampionshios, have been discontinued since the COVID pandemic. Happily you can still get their excellent jam here.
Anniversaries seem to have a habit of returning every year. Last year at this time we were celebrating our wedding anniversary and decided to do it at the Coll Hotel on the lovely Isle of Coll. However, family and friends had other ideas and we were instructed to cut short our stay and return home. Unbeknown to us, a party to end all parties had been organised. It was unbelievable and absolutely fantastic. This anniversary has yet another year added on but, oddly, no one is taking quite the same interest. Only significant numbers counted in decades seem to be celebrated! We’re celebrating however and that’s why we’re here at Ballathie House on the banks of the silvery river Tay.
the River Tay at Ballathie
Poetry
Scotland has the honour of being home to arguably the world’s best and worst poets, Robert Burns and William McGonagle respectively. This river has the distinction of being commemorated by McGonagle, “The Tay, the Tay, the Silvery Tay, flows past Dundee twice a day“. Oddly, the Scottish people seem to be almost equally proud of both men. At 120 miles the Tay is the country’s longest river and famous for its salmon fishing so unsurprisingly perhaps, Ballathie House is popular with the shooting/fishing brigade. Neither of these pastimes interest us, however. If we had a gun we dread to think what might happen. It’s a blessing that we’re too busy with our own hedonistic obsession – scones!
This poor angler who has fallen into the river is obviously a bit of an inconvenience to the shooting fraternity
Hedonism
That most hedonistic of Royals, the Queen Mother, used to stay at nearby Glamis Castle where she was born but frequently used Ballathie for house parties. On one occasion she scandalously arrived alone with a gentleman friend … what an absolute shocker! Not so much of a shocker, however, as her extravagant lifestyle leading to her dying £7 million in debt. The bank just wrote it off so we’re fervently trying to emulate that not inconsiderable feat!
The drawing room
Ballathie Estate is quite big. From the entrance gate on the main road it only takes about five minutes to drive to the main house. We had arranged for a cream tea on arrival. A champagne afternoon tea would have been good but bearing in mind that Ballathie is also famous for its dining experiences a full afternoon tea would have ruined our appetite for dinner in the evening. We were being sensible! As expected our cream tea was nicely presented. There was a fruit scone for each of us along with lots of jam and cream. There was also a bonus of freshly baked shortbread biscuits. The scones were warm and generously dusted with icing sugar. We couldn’t fault anything so an easy topscone … just what you need on an anniversary!
View across the river from our table
Take your pick
Anniversaries are not just about weddings, of course! Israel recently celebrated the 75th anniversary of the Holocaust which beggars belief given the horror of what is happening in Gaza. Russia is celebrating Victory Day with a vast display of killing machines. So there are anniversaries celebrated by some that others would rather forget … you take your pick. We pick ‘weddings’.
A few months ago we visited Cafe Portrait in late afternoon only to be told that if we wanted any of their “absolutely delicious” scones we would have to be there much earlier in the day. The manner in which we were told sounded almost like a challenge, throwing down the gauntlet, even!
Opened in 1889 at a cost of £70,000, the Scottish National Portrait Gallery on Queen Street
Scones versus lunch
Never ones to shirk a scone challenge we set about it today. Rather conveniently the Portrait Gallery is on the same street as the Whisky Society where we were to have lunch. Suffice to say we were there early enough and they had scones … fruit and cheese and mustard. Mindful of our lunch date later we decided to share one of the cheese and mustard scones … unexplored territory for us! But first we spent some time going round the exhibits.
The Foyer. The Gallery was built in 1889 at a cost of £70,000 funded by John Ritchie Findlay, owner of The Scotsman newspaper.
Scotland certainly had its fair share of heroes and scoundrels. Here’s a random selection.
Robert Burns, reproduced on shortbread tins the world over, this is the first time we have seen the original by Alexander Nasmyth in 1787Gregor MacGregor painted in 1804. Scotland’s greatest scoundrel through selling packets of useless land in a semi fictitious Kingdom in Central America. Somehow he managed to be buried with full military honours in VenezuelaFlora Macdonald who famously helped Bonnie Prince Charlie escape to France (painted by Richard Wilson in 1747) and the Bonnie Prince himself (painted by William Mosman in 1750)The rather jolly looking beheading of Charles I. Perhaps we have progressed after all … Charles III shouldn’t have to worry too much nowadays (painted by Jan Wessop in 1649)
Okay, but what about the scones? Cafe Portrait is big and airy and busy. We might discover whether or not their rather immodest claims for their scones were justified or not.
A first
There’s lots of delicious looking food on offer but, mindful of our lunch date, we only wanted a scone to share. The fruit scones looked good but we decided to be adventurous and try their cheese and mustard offering. We hadn’t come across that combination before. No need for jam and cream, butter was all that was required. It was delicious with a lovely textured crunch and soft interior that tasted like nothing we had tasted before. Probably more cheesy than mustardy but the two together formed a very savoury treat! We had to admit that their original bragging was entirely justified and we felt slightly chastened for having even doubted it … topscone.
Illogical
The only downside to our visit was that the lift wasn’t working.
I started my career on plate cameras like this. Now, just fifty years later, I only ever use my phone … incredible.
Turned out that it hasn’t worked for the whole of this year. Apparently it’s the only one of its type in the world and they are currently waiting for technicians to come from Italy to try and fix it. Only the directors of an art gallery could get into a situation where a completely unique lift is required. Hopefully it will be sorted soon because there are a lot of stairs.
Talking of illogical decisions It would appear that this year the world reached an all time spending high of £2.6 trillion on arms manufacturing. Surely this is an indictment on all of us. Just think for a second on what that vast amount of money could have done had we not directed it towards death and destruction. The world needs a ‘reset’ button where it can return to original settings. But were the original settings any better? Aaaargh!
And today Humza Yousaf stepped down as First Minister of Scotland in a very graceful speech. Probably too nice a man for politics, it will be interesting to see what happens now.
Robert Moffat missionary with John Mokoteri and Sarah Roby. Mokoteri and Roby were supposedly his adopted children but were more akin to servants
In case you’re worried, we hadn’t spoiled our appetite and managed a fantastic lunch at the Whisky Society, helped down by a few glasses of the amber nectar.
Just in case readers are beginning to get the wrong idea and assume that we just hang out in places like the Fife Arms, let us banish that thought. Nothing could be further from the truth. This post comes from somewhere that is no less enjoyable but from the opposite end of the spectrum. The Humbie Hub is a small, humble even, village Post Office/Cafe/Shop just south of Edinburgh … but how did we hear about it? Well, somebody told somebody who told somebody else who told our Trossachs correspondents who told us. The scone network of spies and informers spreads ever deeper.
Got to let mum know
A small hamlet like Humbie is no stranger to momentous events. Communication is an odd beast these days. Everybody (especially Alexa) seems to know everything and nothing, all at the same time. Obviously the name Humbie Hub infers that it is at the centre of things … and it very much is! This was particularly true, however, in 1953 when it was known as the Telegraph & Telephone Call Office. Suffice to say that the good folks of Humbie knew that Mount Everest had been conquered long before the rest of the world. The leader of the Everest expedition, John Hunt, sent a telegram to his mum who was living in Humbie at the time. The news wasn’t released to the rest of the world until the following month on the day of Queen Elizabeth’s coronation.
Joyous
Whitburgh House and Dovecote where dad worked as a forester
By that time, of course, the village was well used to momentous events. A few years previously I had been born there!
Whitburgh cottages in 1948,, 2012 and the present day
That glorious event was celebrated with much pageantry and joyous celebrations in the street(s) of Humbie … I’m pretty sure there’s more than one street. At least that’s how I imagine it.
It’s just missing a blue plaque
I left when I was two months old and headed north to the Highlands. I always used to say that although I had been born in Humbie, I’d never been there. Obviously a false statement. Incredibly, sixty four years were to elapse before I darkened Humbie’s doorstep again. The news from our Trossachs correspondents about the advent of the Humbie Hub was all the excuse we needed for another visit.
Thoughtful
There were lots of people sitting outside in the spring sunshine and as soon as you enter the Humbie Hub you just sense that it’s a happy place. As well as the Post Office you can buy almost anything imaginable in the shop. There’s a therapy room, a studio and rooms to let … they don’t miss a trick.
We ordered a ham and mustard toastie and a fruit scone … both to share. Thoughtfully, they halved the toastie and served it on separate plates along with some salad. Likewise the scone came with a second plate complete with jam and butter. That’s never happened to us anywhere else. Great service from people who, although busy, were cheerful and still took the time to chat. The very delicious scone had been baked by the lovely smiling Jenny. It’s a slight departure from custom but we decided to overlook the lack of cream and award a topscone … great place.
Toilets
It was intriguing to find that Humbie Hub toilet was twinned with another not quite so plush one in Malawi thanks to the local Primary school. We knew that Scotland had a long standing friendship with Malawi through the Scotland-Malawi Partnership by hadn’t realised it extended to toilets. It’s shocking to think, with the £trillions being thrown at wars all over the place, that kiddiwinks are still dying of diarrhoea through lack of basic sanitation.
Next the the cottage where I was born there’s a panther made of pennies …. we don’t understand either!
And another mystery, Now that Iran has launched an overnight attack on Israel, Western governments seem to be urging retaliation. Both Israel and Iran worship the same God, why don’t they ask Him what He would do? Whatever happened to “turn the other cheek?”
ps: one of the Trossachs correspondent’s informants for this post was teacher, operatic soprano and artist Margot Archibald.
“Adagio” by Margot Archibald
On the 23rd of this month she will be holding an exhibition of her atmospheric works at the Humbie Hub. All proceeds go to MacMillan Cancer and victims of the Holocaust. Pat and I don’t know Margot but very much hope she sells the lot … good luck!
With the Fife Arms in Braemar being voted the most stylish place in Britain it would seem like the natural habitat for Pat and I. The natural habitat for the twitchers amongst you is right at the end of this post where you can see Pat’s bird list for our stay in the Cairngorms. The dipper,was our favourite on this trip.
the Drawing Room
Braemar, of course is on Royal Deeside and is within spitting distance of Balmoral, the Royals favourite 50,000 acre playground. Meanwhile we are still having to make do on the Delnabo Estate, a mere 3,500 acres. The Royal connection probably doesn’t do the Fife Arms any harm with its cheapest room coming in at £750 per night … and the hotel is fully booked.
Trepidation
Introducing five cartwheeling, somersaulting, back-flipping granddaughters to such salubrious surroundings is something you do with a certain sense of trepidation.
One of the Picassos
There’s twelve in our party and we were here for afternoon tea. It was going to be interesting and probably not what this place is used to. Before that however some of us went on the art tour. The Swiss couple who own the hotel are billionaire gallerists so the place is hanging with Picassos and other works of art. Pat and I were left looking after the children while the tour was going on. We needn’t have worried too much about the children. They ended up entertaining the other guests to much acclaim on the grand piano in the reception area. When they’re not abusing their grandpa they’re actually quite a talented bunch. Click here for a wee sample
dining area with a chandelier made of kitchen utensils
It seems odd that all the Picassos and other works of art are just hanging in public areas whereas the cozy wee bar we were shown into is kept locked.
Our daughters in their natural habitat
It only makes sense when you realise that they have two bottles of whisky priced at £10,000 …not for a bottle, just a nip! Okay it’s 190 years old and was only recently discovered in a forgotten cellar room in Blair Castle. But even though!? And, more to the point, how do you manage to have a room you’ve forgotten for 190 years?
Not normal
Normally afternoon tea would be served in the beautiful quiet drawing room however because there was a host of us they said the chef’s table in the Clunie restaurant would be a better option. We had it all to ourselves which was maybe just as well.
Everyone should have a full sized stag in their dining room
It took a while for our afternoon tea to appear but when it did we were not disappointed.
Private dining with a chandelier made of kitchen utensils
The scones were on the bottom tier and cosily wrapped up in a linen towel while we tackled a delicious array of sandwiches and sausage rolls. By the time we got round to the scones they were still lovely and warm. With the accompanying Fife Arms berry jam and clotted cream served in beautiful silver dishes this was a bit of a no brainer…. topscone!
Not your normal afternoon tea
Mystifying
There’s no doubt that the Fife Arms is a stylish, if expensive, place. It’s fully booked so they are obviously able to find people willing to pay their prices in a small Highland village like Braemar. It’s a kind of comment on the human condition. A Picasso is just paint on canvas yet we give it some magical attribution that artificially imposes an impossible value. It’s the same for a 190 year old whisky, is it worth £10,000 per sip? For simple folks like ourselves, it’s mystifying.
Mind you, not nearly as mystifying as the US and UK’s complete inability to recognise genocide. Britain in particular is more practiced than most in genocide so they should know it when they see it. Of course, Britain has to follow US’s directives so its eyesight is severely impaired.
Fireplace featuring the poems of Robert Burns
It has been the most wonderful week at Delnabo Lodge. Great house, great company, great scenery, great weather, great food … just great! But as they say “all good things …”
Circle Of Pieter Brueghel The Younger (1564 – 1636)
We’re on a mission! And, unbelievably perhaps, it’s not for a scone. We are trying to find where my grandfather, John McKinnon, was born. I never knew him but some information has come to light recently so we’re on his trail. He was born at the Heights of Fodderty just north of Inverness. That’s a long way, 170 miles. We know that our Aussie correspondents would regard this as comparable to a trip to the shops but for us it’s a long way. A stop was required round about the half way mark. That’s why we’re here in Hettie’s Tearoom in Pitlochry.
Remember our recent somewhat disastrous visit to Woodlea Cafe where chaos reigned and the scones were inedible? Well, this place is the exact opposite. It was busy but the chap at the counter welcomed us and said “I’m sure we can find you a nice wee table somewhere“. Already we were feeling good. The staff here know exactly what they were doing and seem happy doing it … great!
Oo Oo!
A fruit scone to share was our order. Pat chose a coffee and I chose Oo Oo Butterfly Blue tea. Apparently it’s supposed to help you “fly through a bright sunny day” … just the ticket! Hettie’s tearoom is super enthusiastic about tea and they send their special tea blends all over the world. Obviously my tea was loose leaf and came with its own egg timer so that I would know when it was suitable infused. They even give you a second saucer in case you want to remove the little basket of tea leaves. How thoughtful.
Red kites
We’re always on the lookout for birds and as we sat there we pondered on why we hardly ever see red kites. And when we do occasionally see them they always seem to be in relatively small geographical pockets. We reckoned it had to have something to do with them being a reintroduced species but then our attention was interrupted by the arrival of our scone. It was deliciously fresh and came with small pots of jam and cream. They don’t even ask if you want cream it just comes automatically. They know how to do things at Hettie’s Tearoom. Not very crunchy but thoroughly enjoyable nevertheless. Overall this was a delightful experience … topscone!
Multilingual directions to the toilets – cludgie is Glaswegian
McKenzies
You probably don’t want to know about my grandfather but we are going to tell you what little we know anyway. It illuminates an era which was not very long ago but now seems like a completely different world. We have never been to the Heights of Fodderty before and it was something of an adventure along almost impassible roads trying to find the house at Dochnaclear where he was born. John’s mother was a McKenzie and believe it or not McKenzie’s still live there.
Spooky
And equally unbelievable they run a very successful taxidermy service specialising in red deer. We hadn’t expected that! In one of the large outhouses they showed us a room full of stuffed red deer heads with magnificent antlers all ready for shipment to Dubai. It’s difficult not to feel conflicted about this sort of thing, but given that there are far too many of these fabulous creatures in Scotland doing untold damage to our forests and woodlands. we can just about handle it. And guess what, as we stood chatting a couple of red kites were wheeling overhead … spooky or what? Later we went to the schoolhouse where my great grandfather signed the register for his son’s birth with his mark.
Fodderty old schoolhouse with the mark (copied from the certificate) my great grandfather used
The laird, the doctor and the minister
It had never occurred to me before that members of my family would have been unable to read or write. It’s perfectly obvious, of course, when you think about it. Back then reading and writing was probably the preserve of the laird, the doctor and the minister. Anyway, John eventually moved to Fort Augustus where he married my grandmother, Catherine McDonald, in 1914. I never knew her either because she died four years later giving birth to my mother and her twin sister.
It seems almost inconceivable nowadays that John was left on his own with twin baby girls and their slightly older sister. Nowadays we take so much for granted. There was no NHS back then and social services must have been rudimentary at best. Presumably the local community would have stepped in to help him because all three girls grew up to be very fine women. He died in 1938.
Mission accomplished, we felt very satisfied with our day!
ps: In our wandering along the Heights of Fodderty we unexpectedly came across the Neil Gunn memorial. He is one of my favourite authors but one which I normally associate with Helmsdale, about 100 miles north of here. Turns out he spent the latter part of his live just a couple of hundred yards away from where my grandfather was born. It’s a small world! We also named our eldest daughter (by 5 mins) Kirsty, after a character in his book The Silver Darlings.
The Neil Gunn memorial with the Cromarty Firth and Dingwall in the distance
He wrote in the mornings and spent the afternoons walking. Looking at the state of the world today we will leave you with one of Gunn’s observations as he walked his beloved Heights of Fodderty.
“For at the end of the day, what’s all the bother about? Simply about human relations, about how we are to live one with another on the old earth. That’s all, ultimately. To understand one another, and to understand what we can about the earth, and, in the process, gather some peace of mind and, with luck, a little delight.”
We’ve been here several times before and as most of you know, we reckon Fonab Castle serves the best scones in the world. It is our benchmark scone. But why Fonab 600 we hear you ask? It’s simply that this is our 600th scone since we started this blog back in 2015. Unbelievable, 600 scones and yet Pat still has the figure of a teenager and I am still compared to a “racing snake”. I’m sure that this doesn’t refer to my ability to move fast these days so it has to be a reference to my sylph-like figure.
Who is PM today?
It’s a milestone so, of course, what better way to mark the occasion than check that our benchmark scones are still up to scratch. Last time we did this was back in 2018. The Prime Minister of the day (we’ve had so many it’s like ‘soup du jour’ when it come to the Tories) was delivering a speech on withdrawal from the EU which totally ignored the wishes of the people of Scotland. Unfortunately, judging by recent events in the House of Commons, nothing has changed in the intervening years. But would Fonab’s scones have changed? That was the question facing us.
The Brasserie
You are also aware that we don’t just judge the scones. Service, presentation, ambience are all key ingredients for a topscone. Fonab is a bit posh but it doesn’t have to be. As long as it’s an overall nice experience we may very well dish out our top award.
Tea
When we arrived at Fonab we were immediately welcomed and shown to a table overlooking Loch Faskally and lofty Ben Vrackie. When we asked for our traditional ‘cream tea’ they said it might take about twenty minutes to prepare the scones. “would that be okay?” Of course! We settled down to peruse the tea menu. Pat decide on “Orange Blossom – a citrusy symphony in your teacup“. I went for the “Fonab Blend – a bespoke tea offering a bright and medium bodied cup with subtle aftertaste of hibiscus and rosehip“. Honestly, it’s getting as fantastical as whisky descriptions.
View from our table over Loch Faskally
Competition
After about twenty minutes our scones turned up about as fresh as it’s possible to get. Initially we thought they had been a trifle overdone but once again they were perfect. Beautifully warm, crunchy on the outside and wonderfully soft on the inside. Presentation with crisp linen napkins and little pots of jam and cream was second to none. Once again Fonab had managed to retain its position in spite of severe competition. Places such as Ackergill Tower in Wick Claridge’s in London and Schloss Roxburghe in the Scottish border country have tried hard but ultimately failed.
A lot has happened in the course of 600 scones. When we started David Cameron had just gained power for the conservatives. We’ve had another four conservative PMs since then but Cameron is probably still PM, albeit from the backseat. Scottish MPs seeking independence won 56 out of 59 Westminster seats … a fat lot of good that did! Scotland still has a majority wanting independence but don’t hold your breath. Scotland and the Falkland Islands are about all that’s left of the Empire.
If we had any sense we would give up now but, as you are very well aware, we are not over-endowed in that department. Lowly scones have taken us to places we would never otherwise have been and for that we are grateful. They have enriched our lives. But who knows, we might give up if Fonab ever gets knocked off its perch.
Today we are in Darnley Coffee House. Built in the 16th century it’s had a long and chequered history. At one time it served as a rather famous brothel and now it’s said to be troubled by poltergeists … you know, things that go bump in the night! Apparently, however, it takes its name from Lord Darnley whose home it used to be. He was Mary Queen of Scots second of three husbands. Of little import, you might think, when scones are in question! However, a brief bullet-point history may help readers understand the sort of dramas this place (and its scones) may have witnessed back then!
Mary became Queen of Scotland when she was six days old. She was crowned and spent the first four years of her life just a few hundred yards away from Darnleys Coffee House in Stirling Castle.
In 1558, aged 15, she married the 14 year old Dauphin Francis of France and became Queen of France as well as Scotland when his dad died a year later. She was sixteen.
King Francis died when she was eighteen whereupon she was sent back to Scotland (no offspring had transpired so no longer required)
Four years after returning to Scotland she fell head over heels in love with her half cousin, Lord Darnley (in whose house we are currently eating scones – albeit the stables of the house)
Darnley turned out (like a lot of Lords to this very day) to be a bit of a waste of space so Mary ended up pretty much disregarding him.
That old chestnut – jealousy!
Darnley became jealous of Mary’s Italian private secretary David Rizzio. Darnley thought, wrongly, that Rizzio may have been responsible for his wife being pregnant.
Darnley, aided and abetted by Lord Bothwell stabbed Rizzio fifty six times in the Queen’s bedchamber in Holyrood Palace. The blood stains are still there! Then, for good measure, they kicked him down the stairs … Rizzio was dead!
Later, Darnley was living at Kirk o’ Field in Edinburgh when it was blown up. He was found dead in the garden. The body, however, was unharmed … he had been suffocated!
In 1567 Mary visited her and Darnley’s son James, in Stirling Castle (he was only ten months old). Mary never saw her son again.
Mary was forced to abdicate and her son became King of Scotland and England when he was thirteen months old (can it get any weirder?)
Yes, Lord Bothwell, surprise, surprise, turned out to be another waste of space. He abducted and raped Mary in Dunbar Castle. After being divorced for a full twelve days Bothwell forced Mary to marry him in 1567. You’d never guess that he had an ulterior motive! She later miscarried twins while imprisoned in a castle on a tiny island in the middle of Loch Leven.
A year later she escaped and raised an army to fight the Battle of Langside.
Ten years later Lord Bothwell, imprisoned in a Danish castle, died having gone completely insane.
Because Mary was Catholic and had a legitimate claim to the English throne she spent 19 years imprisoned in various castles in both Scotland and England.
In 1587 at Fotheringhay Castle, Mary, aged 44, had her head chopped by her cousin Elizabeth I (not actually by Elizabeth – she got someone to do it for her)
Learning outcomes
Readers who have persevered so far will, if nothing else, have learned two things 1. Lords are generally a waste of space 2. Castles are useful for all sorts of things. Nothing about scones though … unless, of course, you continue reading!
Picture in Darleysb of the street outside. Lord Darley may even be it?
Alluring
Earlier in the day we had been to see an old black and white movie “The Edge of the World” supposedly set on remote St Kilda. In 1937 they couldn’t get permission to film on St Kilda so resorted to producing the film on the equally remote island of Foula in the Shetlands. For me, St Kilda is unique in that it seems to become even more alluring after you have visited. Nowhere else has had that same affect. Anyway, the movie was highly unrealistic but remarkable in that they got the technology of the age to work at all in such a remote place.
Wee stills
After that we visited Stirling Distillery. I was puzzled how such a small distillery was able to produce any whisky at all. Turns out they can only do very small batches. Their first produce won’t be ready until 2027. And there won’t be much of it even then … probably about 300 bottles. When we saw the stiil it all started to make sense ,… it’s tiny! Let’s hope they can make it commercially viable. Meantime, gin sales willl have to keep the whole thing going. We bought a bottle of their nettle gin then we headed a little way down the street to Darnleys Coffee House.
The first thing you notice is the barrel vaulted ceilings. They don’t do them like that any more. Like the distillery, it’s small and easily managed by just two or three very friendly staff who seem to take a real pride in what they do.
Having had quite a busy day of watching movies and visiting distilleries we felt in need of sustenance. Lunch was plentiful and absolutely delicious! The question was, could we manage a scone as well?
Cream tea
Well, you know the answer to that. They offered a cream tea which came with two scones … one each. They were a bit bigger than expected so, at first, we thought we had been a tad ambitious. No worries, they were nicely presented, warm and just as delicious as our lunch had been. In no time they were nowhere to be seen! We dithered a little over a topscone award but eventually decided that they just made it. Well done Darnley Coffee House,
Hostages?
There’s a tiny flicker of humanity appearing in the Israel/Gaza war. A brief ceasefire has been agreed, conditional on the release of Israeli hostages held in Gaza. Israel calls its Palestinian hostages ‘prisoners’ and has published the names of 300 potential releases. Only half that number will actually be released … how thoughtless and cruel is that?
Dead right or right dead?
Isn’t it odd that every war is fought between people who honestly believe they are ‘right’. Or, at least we’re not aware of any war being fought with one side believing they’re wrong. God is always on both sides! War doesn’t make any sense unless both sides are ‘right’ … but then that doesn’t make sense either? And they never end with one side being proved wrong … just dead! On that basis Israel will win this war, not because they are ‘right’ but just because the Palestinians are dead … what a fab solution! You would have thought, with 80 million deaths in WWII, us homo sapiens would have learned something?
Okay, that’s it, Pat and I need to get on with our cosy little lives!
After a wee poetry session at bedtime the night before we were presented with this little note the following morning. It was the best week for us too. Now we just have the long drive back to Scotland.
