Category Archives: english

english, Ordinary, Scones

Gail’s Artisan Bakery

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If you have ambitions to live in London we would heartily recommend Barnes village on the banks of the Thames. We are visiting family here. With its delis, bookshops, small boutiques and fine restaurants it doesn’t feel as if it’s only a couple of miles away from the Houses of Parliament. It just has that pretty little village vibe. Of course, that’s until you look in the estate agent’s window and realise that unless you’re willing to part with a couple of million pounds you’re not going to get much by way of a house. Gail’s Artisan Bakery is a typical up market café for the area.

Working from home?

Incredibly, the last time we reviewed Gail’s was more than nine years ago. It hasn’t changed that much but we felt it had a slightly different less welcoming feel about it this time. Baking at Gail's in BarnesStill the same range of delicious looking breads and other bakery and still the same assortment of baby buggies cluttering up the place. Of course, there were also lots of people “working from home“. It must be frustrating for cafés like this to have all these laptop folk sitting for hours with a single cup of coffee.Internal view of Gail's in Barnes

Not that we were much better. It wasn’t long after breakfast so two americanos and a fruit scone to share was the order.A scone at Gail's in Barnes When it arrived at our table we were slightly perplexed to find that the scone was on its own. No butter, no jam and no cream. Did they expect us to eat the scone ‘neat’? Pat had to go and ask and came back with nice little pots of butter and jam … no cream. Maybe with this being an ‘artisan’ bakery our hopes were unreasonably high but suffice to say our scone certainly did not live up to expectations. It was decidedly average and neither of us even finished our halves. Scones at Gail's in Barnes

It wasn’t until we were leaving we noticed that they had other offerings. Sour Cherry & Chocolate as well as Maple & Pecan scones. We should have tried them!

Reward notice for stealing a lambThis is a Range Rover/Porsche kind of area where lots of celebrities live. We came across this notice which seems to indicate that it may always have been relatively affluent. Quite a generous reward for this sort of misdemeanour. Not sure what would have happened to the felon if caught. Probably hanging or even worse … transportation to Australia. That last bit is just for our Australian readers.

A tiny ray of hope

One of our Israeli readers has informed us that people are leaving the country rather than stay and watch the stupidity of the atrocities being carried out in their name. Presumably they’ve worked out how utterly pointless it all is.

Talking of felonious actions, at home we have the Conservatives outraged at members of the new government receiving gifts of clothing. Pot, kettle, black comes to mind! On the other side of the pond Trump has gone ever more extreme with his accusations. It’s a mad old world.

SW13 9HH            Tel: 020 8741 0987          Gail’s

///honest,quiet.oasis

english, Ordinary, Scones

The Terrace Cafe

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When we booked into Schloss Roxburghe the idea was that it would allow us to explore part of Scotland that we did not know at all well. And guess where we’ve ended up … in ENGLAND!! No idea how we got here to the Terrace Cafe in Wooler but presumably, in the course of negotiating all these little picturesque country lanes, we crossed the border without realising. Imagine how difficult the border is going to be when Scotland gains its independence and there are armed guards everywhere! At least the Romans built walls to dissuade folks from coming too far north but now there isn’t even a signpost?

Tit for tat

Toilet notice at the Terrace Cafe, WoolerThis part of the UK, however, is well used to incursions in both directions and not all of them unintentional. Back in 1595, the Scottish Laird of Cessford, Andrew Kerr, raided Wooler and took all the parson’s sheep. The parson was in London at the time. Because the local constabulary seemed reluctant to help, he mounted his own retaliatory raids on Cessford’s sheep. It all got a little out of hand and  on one raid Cessford’s men ended up murdering two Wooler men as well as a third from nearby. The parson fled but the family of the third man raided north and ended up killing Cessford’s shepherd. This sort of jolly cut and thrust pretty well sums up the relationship between England and Scotland since the beginning of time … but more of that later.

Internal view of the Terrace Cafe, Wooler

In the 12th century Wooler was described as “situated in an ill-cultivated country under the influence of vast mountains, from whence it is subject to impetuous rains.” A scone at the Terrace Cafe, WoolerThese ‘vast mountains’ seem more like lovely rolling hills to us and the village itself is pretty with lots of cafes and antique shops. All the tables on the terrace at the Terrace Cafe were taken so we went inside.  A  nice warm welcome even though the lady seemed to be on her own and looking after everything.

Because we overindulged earlier on a somewhat abundant breakfast we decided that a coffee and a scone to share would be quite sufficient. It came with jam and the usual Rodda’s clotted cream. Clumsy Goat coffee cupThe accompanying Clumsy Goat Coffee was definitely a new one on us. It was all very welcome and really quite nice but some distance away from a topscone. Wooler is definitely worth a visit but don’t ask us how to get there. 

Tragedy

Afterwards, we spent a very pleasant afternoon wandering round the village before making a move back to Scotland. We took a different route back and quite unexpectedly came on the site of the Battle of Flodden. It took place in 1513. Earlier we were describing light heartedly the cross border raids that have been going on for centuries however this one was pretty serious.

The Flodden monument erected in 1910 inscribed TO THE DEAD OF BOTH NATIONS

Casualties were huge. It ended with the death of 10,000 Scots including Scotland’s king and 5,000 Englishmen. Tragic from any point of view.

At the foot of the hill in Branxton village we found the smallest visitor centre in the world. It was located in a Glasgow built K6 phone box.

It was an interesting and thought provoking day. However, once we returned to be mollycoddled  with local beers and cocktails at Schloss Roxburgh we completely forgot all about it. Now we know why toffs never seem to have a conscience. 

NE71 6LQ       tel: 07758 838250     The Terrace Cafe FB

///armrests.runners.follow

ps: Liz Truss has been released from the cupboard under the stairs. Fortified by her scone we gifted her,  she is now promising to lead the Conservatives into the next General Election. Yeah, right … not on Planet Reality, Liz!

english, Scones, Uncategorized

Café 66

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We are joining the swallows and migrating south. Not because we are fed up with Brexit (although you can’t get any more fed up than us) but to visit my sister in Nice. Before that, however, we have a stop over in the Big Smoke! As we have often found before, finding a scone in London can be surprisingly  difficult. There are endless cafés of European, Asian or even US origin but traditional English tea rooms can be few and far between.

On this occasion it led us to ask the question …. when is a scone not a scone? The answer can be found here in Café 66 in London’s SW13. It is a relatively new kid on the block and certainly wasn’t here the last time we were in town. Of course, it had to be investigated. It is what we would call ‘bijou’ … small but perfectly formed. It is operated by a delightful mother and daughter team from Poland. They could not have made us more welcome.

Internal view of Café 66 in BarnesA spot of lunch was called for, however, as you all know by now, we like to finish things off with a scone. “Do you have scones?” we asked.  “What are you saying?” It wasn’t the Scottish accent it was simply that the young girl didn’t know. “Scones. they are like a little cakes that you eat with jam and cream.” we persevered. “Eh?” Thankfully at this point mum came to the rescue “Oh, I know what scones are – in this country you have them in the afternoon with tea.” “Yes”, we exclaimed. No, we don’t have any scones“.

Energy balls

With our hopes dashed on the jagged rocks of false expectation, we looked around and had to admit that there were lots of other delicious looking alternatives. In the absence of scones, however, we decided to go for one of their ‘Energy Balls’. They are small balls of nuts and fruit bound together with syrup and honey. Perhaps it was because they reminded us of the Lithuanian scoAn energy ball at Café 66 in Barnesnes our Trossachs correspondents had sent from Vilnius back in 2016. They were really nice – lovely texture and sweet but not cloyingly so.  We did feel like we had had an energy boost. So the answer to the question is that a scone is not a scone when it’s a Polish energy ball. No, we wouldn’t have got it right either.

As we were leaving we asked mum and daughter how they felt about only having about a week left before having to return to Poland. Their puzzled look quickly dissolved into laughter when they realised what we meant. However, it was quickly followed by looks of alarm and panic. “We are going to have to eat all this food very quickly” they joked, pointing at the display cases. Perhaps not, though.

Embarrasing

The first Saturday sitting of Westminster since the Falklands War, resulted in another defeat for Boris at the hands of his own colleagues. He followed it up with an unsigned letter to the EU asking for an extension. When politics is reduced to this school boy prank level it is embarrassing. Especially when you are in the presence of two ladies who are working incredibly hard to better themselves and better the country they now live in.

The true irony is that the UK’s future may eventually be decided by the DUP. A handful of self serving politicians from N. Ireland who don’t even represent the views of the people of N Ireland. It just gets weirder and weirder. Another energy ball please!

As we left Café 66, mum produced a Mary Berry cookbook, so who knows … next time there may be scones? Now we must continue our migration south.

SW13 0PZ       tel: 020 8241 1590       Cafe66

///dash.belt.puns

english, Ordinary, Scones

Centurion Bar

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Here we are still in Newcastle. Except this time we are at the station waiting for the train to whisk us back home. It is one of Britain’s busiest stations with a half hourly service to London and others going west to Liverpool and north to Edinburgh and Inverness. It was opened by Queen Victoria in 1850 and is now one of very few Grade One listed railway stations. With almost an hour to wait we found ourselves in the Centurion bar of The Royal Station Hotel. Internal view of the Station Hotel in NewcastleIt’s not just any old bar. It’s a very spacious and grand hall which used to be the First Class Lounge. It was decked out with flags for the Six Nations Rugby Championships. We decided to sit under the nice blue one on the right.

Internal view of the Station Hotel in Newcastle
Nirvana

The name, Centurion’ suggests a Roman connection and, of course, there is. What was it with the Romans? They came all this way to build tourist attractions? In the year 122, Emperor Hadrian built his wall right through Newcastle to end up at, would you believe it, Wallsend in the east of the city. No sooner was it finished than Emperor Antoninus Pius decided, in 142, to build another wall further north. It ran across the entire breadth of Scotland and through the middle of our home town, Falkirk. Trump and the Romans would have got on just fine. Some historians insist that the reason for building these walls was to keep unruly Scots at bay. However we like to think that they just enjoyed life in Falkirk so much they decided there was little point in going further. They had reached nirvana.

Before long, however, the hedonism and feasting on scones served with Rodda’s Cornish Cream drove them back to Hadrian’s Wall where that sort of behaviour seemed more appropriate. Nowadays the remains of Antonine’s Wall can still be seen in Falkirk but apart from the Roman Bar and a few Italian restaurants there are few signs that the Romans were ever around. Both walls, however, still serve very well in their primary function as tourist attractions. The Hadrian’s Wall Path passes close to this station.

More than expected

Enough about Romans, what about the scones? Yes we decided to have a scone but A scone at the Station Hotel in Newcastlelittle did we know that every hot drink ordered came with a complimentary croissant. When our scone arrived it was accompanied with butter, jam and a croissant … too much!! Had we realised we might have asked them to keep the croissant and give us a free scone. And had we not had to pay for the scone it might have fared better in our review. It was okay but definitely not a topscone.

Despicable us

In the end even Newcastle was too much for the Romans. At least, when their Empire collapsed they all just went back to Italy and that was that. Not so with the British Empire. Almost every trouble spot around the globe was designed by us. Iraq and Afghanistan to Palestine and Ireland as well as the current problem between India and Pakistan. All the result of British meddling. When it comes to creating a political mess we do it fantastically well and now with Brexit we can bring that expertise to bear at home as well! Whoopee!

Thankfully, this week, the United Nations highest court in the Hague has ruled against us in what must be one of Britain’s most despicable acts. They have ruled that Britain’s 1968 claim to sovereignty over the Chagos Islands is illegal and they must be returned to Mauritius immediately. Surely you have seen this news splashed all over the media? No? Hopefully, after more than fifty years, all these poor displaced people will be able to return to their homes. What this means for the US military base at Diego Garcia (it was the reason for this crime) no one knows.

We do think, however, that Scotland should raise a similar action against the UK at the Hague … for the travesty of 1707!

Pleasant as it was sitting in the Centurion, the train came and we were duly whisked back to nirvana.

NE1 5DG            tel: 0191 261 6611              Centurion

english, Scones, Top, weird

Café Royal

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The name ‘Café Royal‘ is synonymous with opulence and conjures up images of over-the-top Victorian decadence. Just the sort of place for us you might think. The epicentre of London fashion and the world’s finest wine cellar. Again, just the sort of place for us. It was the place to be seen by the likes of Noël Coward, Brigitte Bardot and Oscar Wilde. Once again, just the sort of place for us. Except this Café Royal is not in London, it’s in Newcastle-upon-Tyne.

Normally Newcastle is but a momentary pause as we make our way south on the London train. On this occasion, however, it was our destination, or rather a transit stop on our way to Amsterdam. This post and the previous post on the Winkel are not in correct chronological order. Why? Just because!

Posh tea

We had an hour or so to kill and decided, since it was almost scone o’clock, that we should explore the city a little in the hope of finding one. We wandered up towards, what looks like Nelson’s column, but is in fact the Grey’s monument. It commemorates the passing of the Great Reform Act of 1832 by Prime Minister of the time, Earl Grey. Of course. we all know that the real reason for the monument is because the very same Earl Grey invented posh tea. Run of the mill Reform Acts can’t hold a candle to posh tea after all.

To our surprise we found this part of the city very nice indeed. It was bustling with people going about their business, it sported lots of fine architecture and had a nice cosmopolitan feel to it.  “It’s a canny toon” as the local Geordies would say! Perhaps we shouldn’t have been surprised but we were … pleasantly!

Internal view of the Café Royal in Newcastle upon TyneThis Café Royal is close by the monument so we thought we would give it a try. However, any grandiose ideas of lush opulence were dashed on the jagged rocks of expectation as soon as we entered. This place is modern but not unpleasantly so. Nice, but not in the way we had anticipated. It’s owned by the Sir John Fitzgerald group, a family run business established in the 1850s and still going strong. It owns lots of pubs and restaurants in the area.

The system

Scones at the Café Royal in Newcastle upon Tyne

One should make sure that they should get over stress very soon as it might make more helpful tabs vardenafil 20mg tab you suffer so many problems. With the introduction of many erectile dysfunction remedy medicine within the final decade, the vast majority of folks affected by this problem have almost obtained a new lease of commander levitra Read Full Article life. Though medical science has not come about until result of this drug does not get hardness enough for becoming erect. online cialis sale best buy cialis appalachianmagazine.com It is probably fairly obvious but everything you do requires energy. They have a system. You have to find a table, note its number then go to the counter and place your order. Once you have paid you return to your table and in due course your order is brought to you. Is that self service? We’re not sure but it worked! They had cheese and chive or raspberry scones so we went for raspberry. Scones at the Café Royal in Newcastle upon TyneHadn’t had one of those since we reviewed the infamous Bob & Bert’s raspberry ripple scone a few months back. It didn’t fare too well so how would this one do? Very well as it turned out. It came with plenty jam and clotted cream and was very light and fluffy. We enjoyed the scone and the place so decided to award it a top weird scone. Well done Café Royal!Internal view of the Café Royal in Newcastle upon Tyne

What’s in a vote?

Earl Grey’s Great Reform Act of 1832 was in  response to widespread criticism of the electoral system. MPs, in some areas, could be elected on just a handful of votes. It laid the foundations for male suffrage even though that would take many more years to become a reality.

Scuplture near the Café Royal in Newcastle upon Tyne
Man with Potential Selves by Sean Henry

Nowadays all men and women have the vote, however, in GB, some votes are worth much more than others. Great Britain is formed of two countries yet voting in Scotland is pointless. If no one voted at all it would make no difference whatsoever. For example, if every Scottish MP was of one voice on a subject of interest to Scotland, it would be overturned at Westminster even if 483 English MPs didn’t even bother to get out of bed. Scotland, from that point of view, is disenfranchised. We have a government we didn’t vote for and now we are being taken out of the EU against Scotland’s wishes and interests.

In 1644 Newcastle was occupied by a Scottish army where they held Charles I prisoner. Perhaps it is time for something similar?

NE1 5AW      tel: 0191 231 3000         Café Royal

english, Scones, Top

Orange Pekoe – Revisited

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A Christmas decoration at Orange Pekoe tea house in Barnes, LondonThe last time we reviewed a scone at Orange Pekoe the mighty David Cameron was in power. He had just bored a small child half to death with one of his storytelling photo opportunities. It was only a month to go before the EU referendum he had called to resolve all his political problems. Oh, if he had just waited for the result, what a story he could have told then! Except he mysteriously vanished and hasn’t been seen since?

Plonkers

We have come to the conclusion that the subsidies that schools like Eton, Harrow and Westminster enjoy should be withdrawn. They are supposed to produce fine upstanding leaders to rule over us and set an example to us ordinary folk who cannot afford such an elite education. Their primary purpose, of course, is to maintain the system whereby the country’s wealth is retained by them. In recent years, or perhaps always, they have failed completely in this relatively simply task. Instead they have produced a long line of plonkers. Plonkers or not, credit where credit’s due, they have managed to retain their wealth. Stop the privileges for the privileged we say! Interior view of Orange Pekoe tea house in Barnes, LondonRadical or what?

Anyway, enough of that. London is awash with eating places. Sometimes, however, in such cosmopolitan surroundings, a simple scone can be surprisingly difficult to find. As you know we have reviewed upmarket Claridge’s and top of the range Connaught but our favourite remains this tiny tea house in Barnes. It’s friendly and informal atmosphere is very reassuring. It’s always nice to be greeted with “just the usual” when you walk in after not having been near the place for months.  Naturally it serves wonderful food and, of course, a wide range of teas. A scone at Orange Pekoe tea house in Barnes, LondonWe come here a lot for breakfast but, since the last review was three years ago, we thought we should check the scones again on your behalf.

There was no need to worry our fruit scone came just as it had the last time, deliciously warm and with lots of everything to go with it. Ten out of ten for consistency and absolutely no problem awarding a topscone.

Panto

Orange Pekoe revisited means we are just a short hop up the Thames from the Palace of Westminster and coming up to Christmas it’s panto time again. Never mind Aladdin and Cinderella though the best pantomime this year is definitely here at Westminster … “will she, won’t she?”, “they’re behind you”! Our politics is all happening in typically chaotic pantomime fashion, only with none of the humour! No matter what the result is of tonight’s vote of no confidence in Theresa May, the Brexit pantomime looks set to continue indefinitely. Thank you Orange Pekoe for providing a strong and stable oasis of calm.

SW13 0PX      tel: 020 88766070       www.orangepekoeteas.com

english, Ordinary, Scones

John Forrest Bakery

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When we write about places like Claridges, the Connaught and even the Bingham Hotel in Richmond, readers could be forgiven for thinking that we only frequent the well-to-do areas of London. Only mix with the upper crust! Well, you would not be far wrong. The thing is though, it just sort of works out that way … honest! We don’t seek these places out! After our sojourn the other day to the Tide Tables Cafe in wealthy Richmond, today we find ourselves in the Kings Road in Chelsea. Home of Sloane Rangers and Hooray Henrys, but not by choice … we are here on an important errand to fix an incapacitated handbag. It just so happens that the Handbag Clinic is here on the Kings Road. Yes, they do have clinics for handbags, however, the less you know about that the better.

Supercars

Famous for its Chelsea buns, the important thing was to check out a Chelsea scone and fill that gap in our collective sconological knowledge base. This part of London offers you the opportunity to pay ten times what you would pay anywhere else on just about anything. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration … but only slight. The streets are lined with super cars … McLarens, Ferraris, Maseratis. The sort of cars that, if we were to sell our house and our children, we would still not be able to afford. Sorry kids if you are reading this, it is just a turn of phrase, it does not mean that you are not worth much. It just means that if you were worth more we might get a supercar … okay!!

It’s ironic that these cars, capable of 200mph, would throw a major party if, by some miracle, they ever got to reach 30mph in London. For most of them, that’s a rather forlorn ambition. Some of them are painted matt black like stealth bombers. Initially we thought this might be to make them invisible to traffic wardens. However then we remembered that the owners of these cars would not be the slightest bit bothered with a hundred parking tickets. So, in a way, the paint finish doesn’t matter … except to look a bit pretentious, of course, and make it difficult for the butler to polish. Golly gosh, what a laugh that would be!

The holy hour

Okay, for those of you thinking that finding a scone in such surroundings should be a piece of cake … not so! It was after 2pm but everywhere we went we were refused. Scones only served between three and five … what? We knew the world had gone mad but this surely is the last straw!

However, there is something oddly right about this. Any other food item you could have any old time of the day but scones, as befits their status of course, only in this blessed two hour window. The conversation goes something like this: Me “may I have a scone please?” Waiter “Is it three o’clock, sir?” Me: “no, it’s half past two”. Waiter: “Yes sir you may have a scone but you will have to wait half an hour.” Play park where we ate the scone from the John Forrest Bakery, Kings Road, ChelseaAbsolutely no use to us though because we had yet another even more important errand than rescuing an ailing handbag to run. We simply could not hang around until the holy hour when scones would appear, presumably, as if by magic.

Now, readers should know by now that we are not ones for giving up. However, just as we were about to do just that, we stumbled on the John Forrest Bakery. It had scones that could be bought any time of the day or night, yeagh! It wasn’t ideal though … no seats inside and the few they had outside were all taken.

Not to worry, they provided us with two teas in polystyrene cups, a ham & cheese roll … and a scone in a white paper bag … all for £5.10. We take back our previous comment about everything being ludicrously expensive. We then slunk off up a nearby alleyway looking for somewhere to sit and eat. A scone from the John Forrest Bakery, Kings Road, ChelseaFortunately it led to an enclosed area surrounded by rather utilitarian looking apartment blocks. The hidden side of Chelsea where real people live. In the middle was a kiddie’s play park with a couple of wooden benches. And we had it all to ourselves. It was wonderfully quiet after the hustle and bustle going on only a few yards away.

Trials and tribulations

The scone, which the John Forrest folks had kindly buttered for us had loads of fruit but it wasn’t the best by a long chalk. At least it served to illustrate the trials and tribulations we endure in order to bring our sconey readers news from the UK’s nether regions. Actually, as we sat there on our park bench with our strong tea and very fruity scone, we did not feel trialed or tribulated at all. We did, in fact, feel rather blessed with the whole experience. Without it we would never have discovered this quiet little sanctuary.Play park where we ate the scone from the John Forrest Bakery, Kings Road, Chelsea

Sanctuary is what Theresa May needs as forces range against her from all sides. And she demands that the EU treats the UK with respect. She wants respect from the club we are leaving presumably because we think it’s crap! In the circumstances, we think the EU has been extremely respectful. Meanwhile, no one in government has a clue what is going on. The opposition is worse than useless. As a result the entire country is paralysed in a kind of collective nervous breakdown. What fun!

Picture this

If we had to choose a picture to depict Britain’s current sEdvard Munch's The Screamtate of mental health there would be only one contender, Edvard Munch’s, The Scream. Even inanimate objects are having issues because the Handbag Clinic was doing a roaring trade. However, what will Brexit mean for handbag clinics?

SW10 0LR      tel: 020 7352 5848        John Forrest Bakery FB

ps: we did see a couple of K2 telephone boxes but were unable to photograph them.

english, Ordinary, Scones

Tide Tables Cafe

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Have you have ever wondered how many Richmonds there are in the world? No?? Well, there are 56, so if anyone asks, now you know! In 2009 Richmond was voted best town in the UK but that was the one in North Yorkshire. The one we are in today, however, would probably be voted the wealthiest.

A glance in an estate agent’s window will provide you with several opportunities to rent a house for £30,000 a month … a month!! And if you get fed up sitting in your expensive house you can catch a ferry from here to Ham House or Hampton Court Palace and look at places that even you can’t afford. The town is also in an excellent state of repair. The 21,000 good people of Richmond just read about things like potholes if they unwittingly pick up a provincial newspaper. Potholes are not something they would ever have to actually experience for themselves.

View along river Thames at Richmond
Looking along the riverside from Tide Tables

 

Historically the town used to be called Sheen. It was here that the Commissioners of Scotland had to kneel before Edward I after William Wallace was executed in 1305. So how did it end up becoming yet another, common as muck, Richmond? Well, in 1501, when Henry VII built his new residence here, he called it Richmond Palace after his ancestral home, Richmond Castle, in ‘town of the year’ Richmond in North Yorkshire. After all, if you have a lot of castles, you cannot be expected to sit around all day dreaming up new names for all of them. Sheen Palace would have had a certain ‘gloss’ to it though! Anyway, the town that grew up here around Richmond Palace ended up adopting its name. Outdoor seating area at Tide Tables Café, Richmond

Lycra land

Having said that, it isn’t hard to see what attracted folk here in the first place. Set on a meander in the Thames, its a lovely place to stroll around if you have absolutely nothing better to do. Of course, that’s where we come in …itinerant scone munching vagrants. The riverside is particularly nice, it is always busy with cyclists and walkers. Down here you cannot simply put bicycle clips round your trousers and head off blithely on your bike. No, no, no, you have to be fully rigged out, top to tail, in multicoloured lycra so that  you look exactly like a competitor in the Tour de France, even though you are only going to pick up a pint of milk. This rules applies no matter your body shape, giving rise to the acronym MAMILs … Middle Aged Man In Lycra.

You also need all the technology. A phone with a head set so that you can dictate notes for tomorrow’s meetings or chat to your auntie Jeanie while you pedal. The obligatory Fitbit is also required so that you can chart your progress to eternal life and body beautiful. The walkers aren’t much better! As befits a place where the people have oodles of choice, Tide Tables is a hip veggie and vegan café. Internal view of Tide Tables Café, RichmondIt occupies an arch under Richmond bridge next to a boat builder but it also has a lovely outdoor seating area under giant plane trees.  We were able to sit in the dappled sunlight and watch the riverside bustle while we ate our scones. If you can’t afford all that lycra you have no choice but to sit and watch?

Being alive

A scone at Tide Tables Café, RichmondOn a slightly different tack. You know how we are always bleating on about places that serve butter and cream from England when we are in Scotland, well down here the butter was from France … mon dieu! Mon dieu, as well for the cream, it was very strange, hard and crumbly. Probably because it had never been within a country mile of a cow. The scone itself was quite big and although it had a fair amount of fruit it just tasted okay. Nothing to write home about. So why are you wasting our time we hear you cry! Okay it wasn’t a topscone but the overall experience of sitting by the river in the sunshine watching everyone else putting so much effort into being alive was wonderfully relaxing. So we can, at least, recommend that. Riverside seating area at Tide Tables Café, Richmond

Back to front

Sitting here you could possible believe that all was well in the world. Then you remember Brexit! Just why Michel Barnier doesn’t say to Theresa May ” look, the UK  has always been a miserable grudging and small minded member of the EU … just close the door on the way out” is beyond us. Instead we have to listen to Theresa May saying that the EU must compromise if they want us to leave … eh, think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick, Theresa! External view of Tide Tables Café, Richmond

Extradition

And where is David Cameron who got us into this mess in the first place. Playing so fast and loose with the future of the country should be some sort of criminal offence. Presumably, therefore, he is somewhere like North Korea that doesn’t have an extradition treaty with the UK. More likely, however, that he is holed up somewhere in deepest Richmond.

TW9 1TH.      tel: 020 8948 8285       Tide Tables Café

english, Scones, Top

The Drift Café – Cresswell

We are staying in the pretty little town of Alnmouth and just round the corner there is a haunted hotel, the Schooner. If this wasn’t bad enough, we are now a few miles away beside Cresswell Tower which is also haunted. We know you have probably had enough of royal weddings but bear with us.

In this case the daughter of the Cresswell family had fallen for a handsome Danish prince. At the time, England was at war with Denmark so perhaps the happy couple should have seen the writing on the wall. Throngs of people gathered at the foot of the tower waiting for the fairy-tale wedding. The bride-to-be was waiting at the top for her prince to arrive only to witness his dead body being dragged behind a horse. The prince had been murdered by the bride’s brothers. She died of a broken heart and on occasions can still can be seen atop the tower gazing out to sea looking for her beloved. Thank goodness Meghan’s was an altogether different story.

Druridge Bay at Cresswell
Druridge Bay at Cresswell

Avocets

We however were here looking for something completely different … avocets. Neither of us had ever seen avocets before but we had it on good authority that we might be able to see them and maybe even a little egret here on Cresswell Pond, another site managed by the Northumberland Wildlife Trust. No sign of the little egret but there were at least half a dozen avocets. We were thrilled to have seen them at last. The Drift Café is quite close to the Pond so after a spell in the bird-hide we knew that a scone wasn’t far away. Internal view of The Drift Café, Cresswell

Going after crumbs

Initially you think that Cresswell is a very quiet seaside village. Not a soul to be seen. Until you enter the Drift that is … everyone’s in here! It was going like a fair! Lots of things for sale by local craft folk and a fabulous display of scones. Pat went for a cheese and chive option. It was so big she swore she would never get anywhere near finishing it. Scones at The Drift Café, CresswellShe finished it, and even went after the crumbs left on her plate. My fruit scone was great as well. Just how I like them with the added bonus of crunchy sugar bits on top … delicious.

All in all this was  definitely one of the most enjoyable experiences we have had in a long time and to make it even better, when we were leaving, across the road from the café, a stonechat … another one for the list!

Londoncentric politics

The first recording of the Cresswell name was actually in Renfrewshire in Scotland which is perhaps not too surprising given that  over 50,000 people in this part of the world have signed a petition wanting to secede from the UK and join Scotland when it becomes independent. Obviously it’s not just the Scots that are utterly fed up with Londoncentric politics. Pat’s list continues to grow.

NE61 5JX        tel: 01670 861599        The Drift Café

english, Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Hauxley Wildlife Centre

While Megan tries to convince Harry that she hadn’t really wanted a big wedding, we are still a safe distance away in the north east of England.  The Hauxley Wildlife Discovery Centre near Druridge Bay  is internationally renowned for its birds. It’s amazing because it was once a very industrial open-cast mining site. In 1983, however, it was taken over by Northumberland Wildlife Trust and transformed into this fabulous haven for wildlife. They’ve done a magnificent job with an extensive shallow pond surrounded by great paths and multiple hides. Definitely one of the best reserves we have come across.

A speckled brown wood butterfly at Hauxley Nature Reserve
Speckled wood butterfly

We spent a couple of hours visiting the hides, spying on the host of birds and butterflies that have made this their home. Pat was happy to add a few new species, like blackcap and whitethroat to her list. Once we had done a fairly lengthy circuit of all the hides it was scone o’clock and time to return to the reception centre.

Last minute scones

Even this large straw-bale built reception centre was put together by a small army of Northumberland Wildlife Trust volunteers. The café not only had scones but huge viewing windows where you could eat your scone while continuing to watch birds. What more could you ask for?Internal view of Hauxley Wildlife CentreThe self-service service was very warm and friendly as you would expect in this part of the world. There wasn’t any cream and not much jam but the scones themselves were very good and very welcome. Our group actually bought all the scones they had. If we had been a few minutes later there would have been none and that would have been a disaster. A scone at Hauxley Wildlife CentreNo topscone here unfortunately but a very good effort in a quite magical place … keep up the good work!

Talking of disasters … let’s return to the wedding. Seriously, you have probably gathered by now that we are not great fans of Royalty but we do like Suits, so we really do wish the new Countess of Dumbarton (yes, that’s one of Megan’s many titles now) and her hubby every good fortune with their marriage.

Who cares when there is a Royal wedding?

It was great to see that all the homeless people had been either removed from Windsor or covered up with Union flags. All the towns potholes had also been repaired. Can all UK towns have a Royal wedding, please? Elsewhere there were plane crashes in Cuba, another mass school shooting in the Texas, the start of Ramadan and the opening of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland where they will be discussing whether the C of S has 10 or 20 years left to live. But who cares when there is a Royal wedding? Not to worry the bird-list continues to grow.

NE65 0JR      tel:01665 568 324       Hauxley Wildlife