Category Archives: Scones

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Sugar Boat – Helensburgh

23 August 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

For some time now Pat has been dropping hints about visiting Helensburgh. As a wee lass she and her mum used to go there by train from their home in Drumchapel. They would play on the beach and swim in the outdoor pool. On the other hand, I didn’t know the town at all. However, recently I have become increasingly aware of it as the start-point of the 134 mile long John Muir Way. It begins in Helensburgh before passing very close to our house in Falkirk then finishing on the east coast at Muir’s birthplace in Dunbar. It’s very popular with walkers and cyclists.

View from Helensburgh beach over Clyde to Greenock — *A rather sombre view across the ‘beach’ towards Greenock, three miles away*

So on this rather wet and humid day it was a kind of nostalgia trip for Pat and, for me, an introductory visit to this west coast town.

Memories

Memories are funny things and sometimes they can play tricks on you. The beach that Pat remembered so well is actually a rather dismal strip of sand about four or five feet wide and about thirty feet long. When the tide’s out, it consists, almost entirely, of a vast area of dark slippery seaweed over rough rocks. The swimming pool is now closed though apparently it is due to be completely rebuilt in the next year or so.

TV and all that

The town’s sea front consists mainly of fairly dilapidated ice cream parlours, the usual charity shops and the odd rather sorry looking pub. In the 2014 Scottish independence referendum one of the claims from the union side was that this town would be devastated by independence and the withdrawal of the nearby Royal Naval Base. Well today it was looking pretty devastated even with all the phantasmagorical benefits that the UK supposedly brings. Most of the workers on the base live in the south of England so the town derives little benefit.

As we walked along the front we came across a memorial to John Logie Baird, inventor of television and a native of the town. He gave the first ever demonstration of the new fandangled technology in what used to be Falkirk’s Temperance Hotel. It all happens in Falkirk! By the time we reached the west end we were feeling pretty depressed by the general state of decay so we decided to go one street back from the sea for our return journey. What a good idea that was. Otherwise we would not have come across the lovely Colquhoun Square and this delightful little bistro/café, the Sugar Boat.

Dog biscuits

We were welcomed with open arms into a beautifully appointed restaurant, come wine bar, come coffee house … fab! We did think about sitting outside since the rain had stopped and it was still very warm but there was a nice little café area just inside the door so we sat there instead. There was a really nice restaurant area at the back but we were not in the business of a full meal … just a ‘you know what’. The ones on display looked promising. The service was great and we were soon kitted out with our drinks and scones complete with jam and clotted cream. We enjoyed everything about this place. Lots of nice touches. Beer from one of our favourite islands, Colonsay, and even a glass jar with complimentary dog biscuits. Apparently we didn’t qualify due to our lack of dog.

Jamon Serrajo Zaragoza at Sugar Boat, Helensburgh — *Jamon Serrano Zaragoza*

An overall lovely experience and no problem awarding a topscone.

In case you are wondering who Helen of Helensburgh was, it was Lady Helen Sutherland, wife of Sir James Colquhoun who owned everything around these parts in 1785 … his descendants probably still do! Before that it was known as Millig.

Thanks largely to the Sugar Boat we left Helensburgh feeling in a much more positive mood than when we first arrived. Even the weather had improved. Our route took us through the lovely village of Rhu with its marina and beautiful Victorian country houses to the Faslane Naval Submarine Base. Home to the famous Faslane Peace Camp, first established in 1982 and still going today.

We’re doomed

From there we drove over Glen Douglas to Inverbeg on Loch Lomondside with an ever increasing sense of impending doom. Our progress was halted by a herd of cattle standing on the single track road. None of them looked very happy and certainly didn’t seem inclined to move. Perhaps it was due to the fact that the hill on the right behind the white cow. It is actually hollow and filled with enough nuclear warheads to blow the entire world to kingdom come.

The cows are not the only ones that feel dismayed about these useless weapons of mass destruction. Scotland overwhelmingly would like them all moved to a warehouse next to Westminster. Even better, since all the warheads actually belong to the USA, to a warehouse near the Whitehouse. Scotland, of course, has no voice in such matters. Eventually, the cows wandered off and we were able to continue. It has to be said though that Glen Douglas has a decidedly spooky feel about it.

G84 8AQ tel: 01436 647522 Sugar Boat

ps. Speaking of the USA. The Pedant has just returned from adventures in the New England and sent this photo of a K6 in Ely, Cambridgeshire, Old England. He sent it because it is still a fully functioning call box. Not a book swap library, not a CD exchange, not a defibrillator point, not for growing geraniums … a call box! And why is this wonderful thing still functioning after all these years … because it was made in Falkirk of course! Told you it all happens in Falkirk.

Scones, self-service, Top

Café Zest – Jenners

18 August 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

Jenners department store is a kind of Scottish ‘Harrods’. In fact until last week it was owned by House of Fraser which, at o

by Royal appointment coat of arms, Jenners Edinburgh — *by Royal appointment – but the latin “no one provokes me with impunity” is a tad confrontational*

ne time, also owned Harrods. According to the large crest on the wall it’s where the Queen shops when she’s in town? This establishment has been gracing Edinburgh’s Princes Street for 180 years now and has survived many traumas along the way.

Takeover

Today, however, it is under threat like never before with the House of Fraser being brought out of administration by Mike Ashley, of Sports Direct fame. Or infamy? The price for 31 stores, a measly £90m. True to form Ashley has not taken on any of the debts or pension responsibilities. It remains to be seen what will happen to the stores of which this is only one. Ashley’s reputation for cutting costs and playing fast and lose with conditions of employment does not bode well.

Hence we felt that, if we were ever to have a scone in Jenners, perhaps we should do it sooner rather than later. Of course we blame Margaret Thatcher. Then again we blame Margaret Thatcher for everything. She managed to make avarice respectable and created today’s environment where it is okay for unabashed corporate greed to masquerade as ‘good business’. No one else, however, seemed willing to take House of Fraser on so perhaps we do Mr Ashley an injustice. Let’s hope he can at least save some of the stores and jobs. Enough trivia, what about the scones?

Gourmet scones

There are several cafés and restaurants in the store but for some reason we found ourselves in Café Zest on the 5th floor. Probably because the lift took us there. The space is slightly odd. It has comfortable armchairs at one end and slightly utilitarian chairs forming the main body of the café. Needless to say there was hardly anyone sitting on these so everyone was squeezed in at one end … on the comfy chairs! Why do they not simply provide armchairs everywhere? They are self evidently what folk prefer! They had plain scones and fruit scones but we were excited by the prospect of the ‘gourmet scone’ as it was labeled on the self service counter.
No idea what constitutes a gourmet scone but obviously we had to find out. It came with a little pot of the ubiquitous Tiptree jam and a generous bowl of whipped cream. We don’t usually award topscones to self service places since the service and presentation all form part of the overall scone experience. However, on this occasion, we felt that it should at least have a ‘top self service’ scone award. It was delicious. We still don’t know what constitutes a gourmet scone. There was certainly different kinds of fruit together with some other things, nuts perhaps, which gave it a delightfully sweet crunchiness. It was finished all too soon!

As we walked down through the floors we discovered another two restaurants on the 3rd floor. One, a sort of deli café, by the well known ‘Valvona and Crolla‘ and another one, slightly more upmarket, which was simply called ‘Jenners’.

Internal view of Jenners Restaurant, Jenners in Edinburgh — Jenners – 3rd floor resaurant

Rumanian opinions

As Jenners struggles with the inevitable advance of online shopping, problems in the retail industry are not hard to find. Indeed, we hear of another high street brand going to the wall almost every week. If, like us, you bemoan the sorry state of the High Street while simultaneously doing much of your shopping via your computer then you will also know that we have only ourselves to blame. When we asked the Rumanian sales assistant on the second floor if she thought the store would survive she simply replied “of course it will survive”. With its illustrious 180 year history and gourmet scones, let’s hope she is right!

EH2 2YJ tel: 0131 2602316 Café Zest

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Pittenweem Pop up Café

10 August 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

This is the week of Pittenweem Arts Festival when almost all the houses in the town open up to the public and become temporary art galleries. Not all though. This Pop Up Café is also just someone’s home converted for the duration of the festival. It raises money for charity … great idea! It’s quite extraordinary! Just when you thought the whole world was in Edinburgh for the Festival you discover that it’s not quite the whole world. The rest are here in the East Neuk of Fife. It’s busy, busy!

Venue 26

The picturesque little fishing village is transformed into one huge gallery. Over 130 artists from far and wide exhibiting. And just like the world’s biggest festival going on across the water in Edinburgh, the atmosphere is great! For those not familiar with Pittenweem, there is a downside. The village is situated on a steep hill with a web of higglety pigglety tiny lanes running down to the harbour area. And back up! You have to work quite hard if you want to see everything. It doesn’t get any easier when the weather is as sultry and windless as it is today, heyho! Little wonder then that the sight of this place, Venue 26, was very welcome indeed.

The good folks running it were working extremely hard. Customers had the choice of sitting in their front room or going outside onto what’s known as West Shore. A narrow lane running along the sea front. Only a few tables and chairs, all of them taken, so we just sat on the sea wall. It was actually quite comfortable and allowed us to enjoy the sunshine and look out over the Firth of Forth towards the Isle of May and the Bass Rock.

A scone at the Pop Up Café in Pittenweem, Fife — *Tide’s out*

Perhaps it was because we were more than a little peckish that these scones, together with the coffee, tasted absolutely delicious. Definitely would have been awarded topscone status had it not been for the simple fact that none of our readers can go there. Except, of course, for these few days at the beginning of August each year. And there was no cream!! They do this pop up café every year though, so make a date in your diary for 2019.

Offence

Meanwhile back in La La Land, Boris Johnstone’s article in the Telegraph defending the right to wear burkas but adding some observations about letterboxes has taken up most of the news in what can only be described as a media frenzy. Given that wearing the burka is dictated by cultural rather than religious reasons it’s hard not to feel some sympathy for gaff prone Boris. We are more concerned, however, about whether we should be just as offended as the burka wearers since most of the letterboxes in question were probably made in Falkirk. They form part of our culture!

ps: talking of art and culture and things made in Falkirk, we came across this picture. Not in Pittenweem but on our way home in another gallery. For all our K6 enthusiasts it is entitled “Phone Box Cottage” and is by Matylda Konecka. It could be yours for £99!

Scones, Top

Cromlix House Hotel

28 July 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

Cromlix used to be one of our favourite haunts. Many happy evenings have been spent with family and friends in the Red Dining Room, the Conservatory and the upstairs Library. Sadly, after it was taken over by tennis superstar Andy Murray in 2013, they have all disappeared. It’s in the name of progress and by command of Chez Roux. It’s not Andy’s fault. He has Inverlochy Castle Management International managing the place while he is away doing something else. Although famous for his service you won’t find Andy bringing you a scone or anything else for that matter. Although you never know, considering the way his game has been going recently!

The tennis courts at Cromlix House Hotel, Dunblane — Tennis courts at Cromlix

Lowly cottage

Cromlix itself was built in 1874 as “Cromlix Cottage“. Surely only someone with too much money and too much property would build this as a “cottage”. You can get some idea of what life was like simply by looking at the servants call boxes in the hall.They weren’t exactly roughing it in their lowly “cottage”. We used to have a similar but much smaller call box in our own Victorian house. We did away with it, however, because it wasn’t working. Mainly due to the distinct lack of servants.

Anyway, since Andy took over, Pat and I have fallen out of love with Cromlix. You didn’t actually speak to Cromlix when you phoned but to some centralised answering service. We used to get some weird replies like ” we are fully booked for afternoon tea for the next seven months??” We tell you this simply so that we can let you know that these problems are in the past. They seem to have sorted themselves out. Very welcoming with all the staff apparently local and speaking English. We were ushered into an area with which we were very familiar, the old reception hall.

Would Cromlix rehabilitate itself in our affections … it all depended on the scones …. ooooh! The young lady who took our order for a cream tea was very pleasant and while she was away getting things organised we took the opportunity to have a look round. The bar area is very chic though we preferred the old more homely look of it predecessor.

Picture of a shoot at Cromlix House Hotel, Dunblane — The unlucky object of this day’s “sport” may have ended up in this glass case

Cromlix’s hunting and shooting pedigree was also much in evidence.

Rehabilitation

Anyway, it wasn’t long before we were provided with our scones all beautifully presented as befits such a place. Had the scones been freshly shot? We ended up with a difference of opinion. Pat was a tad disappointed saying her scone was ever so slightly doughy whereas I thought mine was just right. However, considering the service, the presentation and the surroundings we eventually decided that a topscone was well deserved. Well done Cromlix. We still hanker for the old place but consider yourself rehabilitated!

Weather and scepticism

Meanwhile back in the real world outside the these pampered confines, the news consists entirely of the weather. People dying, planes cancelled, trains late, moors on fire, places flooded, water shortages. All due to this period of fine weather. We are almost tempted to think that it has all been organised by the Conservatives to divert our attention away from the ongoing fiasco that is Brexit. But that would require a degree of scepticism!! In the interests of balance we cannot just blame the Tories. Labour (the red Tories) are just as bad. How we long for the days when there was an opposition worthy of the name. Now, all our beloved politicians are off on holiday for the parliamentary recess. To enjoy the weather!FK15 9JT tel: 01786 822125 Cromlix House Hotel

Ordinary, Scones

Kerrera Tea Garden

20 July 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

When it comes to Scottish Independence many people who voted NO in the 2014 referendum have been posting on social media “My Journey to YES”. Well this is similar but, of course, it is more “Our journey to a SCONE”! Let us explain. Some scones can be relatively difficult to come by but that is generally down to cost e.g. Claridges, the Connaught, rather than geographical location.

Gallanach Ferry from the Isle of Kerrera — Gallanach Ferry only takes 12 people, no cars. If you are number 13 you have to wait for it to come back. We had to wait for it to come back three times

Getting there

Getting to the Kerrera Tea Garden however involves a road trip to Oban, a ferry and then an hours walk over rough hill track. That’s just to get there … and the same back! There is nothing along the way other than sheep but luckily they have easy to follow signposts to guide the weary traveller. Although the day was quite cloudy it was hot so by the time we came on that last sign we were extremely relieved. Stomach and arthritic joints were screaming for sustenance and rest.

The Kerrera Tea Garden is exactly what it says. A fairly large garden in which there are lots of tables where you can sit and have tea. If the weather ever gets inclement, perish the thought, there is the Byre, a rustic but charming converted cowshed.

Inside the Byre at the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera — The Byre

Sacre Blue

We were attended to by a very mannerly young chap who was obviously not a local. He was from Singapore and was studying law in London. Goodness knows how he found his way here for a summer job? The scones are made fresh every morning so after a light lunch we thought they should be sampled. We couldn’t come all this way and not sample the scones after all! Unfortunately they were a tad disappointing. Just a little on the solid side and with a slightly sweet taste that wasn’t to our liking. They weren’t bad but not a topscone. Pity, because everything else about this place is fantastic. If you ever get the chance you should definitely visit, it’s worth the effort.

When we arrived there was a party of six French folk who were explaining that they just wanted coffee because they had their own sandwiches … mais non, sacre blue, mon dieu! Perhaps it is just as well we are leaving the EU! They were politely told to take themselves off to thonder distant hill to have their picnic. When we were leaving they were making their way back for their coffee and didn’t seem at all put out. The Auld Alliance is intact!

View of Gylen Castle on the Isle of Kerrera — The ruined Gylen Castle overlooking the Firth of Lorne

buy cialis pill cute-n-tiny.com The blood supply into the erection containers made of spongy tissue called as corpus cavernosum to relax and smoothen. Epillsrx.com offers levitra best price at a 100% lowest-price guarantee, which ensures customers that they have received from the online course and it remains fresh and clear in the mind. Hair follicles have a sensitivity to DHT – so when the DHT is present in discover address now cialis cheapest the follicles, it makes them miniaturize – resulting in an abnormal production of the hormone adrenocorticotropin. This issue cialis canada generico might not be a matter of life and death in some extreme cases. We finished off our visit with the short walk from the Tea Garden to Gylen Castle which sits on the southern tip of the island. It was built in 1582 by the Clan MacDougall but was besieged then burned by Covenanters in 1647. Ironically the siege was successful because of a shortage of water. The castle’s spring was insufficient in the prevailing dry spell so the MacDougalls surrendered. The same would have happened today where we have almost forgotten what rain looks like! When William Turner visited in 1831, he was fascinated by the ruin and made several sketches of the castle which are now in London’s Tate Gallery.

View of Ben Cruachan from the Isle of Kerrera — Looking east with twin peaks of Ben Cruachan in the middle distance

Sheep talk

On our return walk to the ferry we were almost deafened at one point by sheep baaing to each other … baa, baa, baa, baa. The noise was incredible! We came to the conclusion that they must have been discussing the effects of Brexit on the Common Agricultural Policy. They were making much more sense than our Westminster parliamentarians! After Trump’s visit to see May in London and Putin in Helsinki, I said to Pat “I think Trump’s a very clever man”, then, when I saw the look on her face, had to explain that I had misspoken and what I actually meant to say was that he was a complete and utter idiot.

Ex KGB, Vladamir Putin is beginning to look like the only sane politician around and that says something! Our “journey to a scone” was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. A big fat YES to the Kerrera Tea Garden.

PA34 4SX tel: 01631 566367 Kerrera Tea Garden

ps: This is the only telephone box on the Isle of Kerrera and as you can see it is a K6. No manufacturer’s badge so it could be either Falkirk, Kirkintilloch or Glasgow in origin. Now it functions, not as a telephone box, but as the only shop on the island … selling postcards.

Telephone cables

If you found that interesting here is another little snippet that will be of interest to all those who have spent restless nights wondering where the first subsea transatlantic telephone cable came ashore in the UK. Well wonder no more, it was here at Little Horsehoe Bay on Kerrera in 1956. It operated until 1978 and the other end was in Clarenville, Newfoundland. You can now rest easy.

View of first trans Atlantic telephone cable landing point on the Isle of Kerrera — Little Horseshoe Bay with Oban in the distance. In 1263 Horseshoe Bay housed a fleet of one hundred and twenty longship galleys under the command of Norwegian King Haakon 1. More recently, it provided all the lobsters for Cunard’s transatlantic liners.

Wilting

We met loads of tourists, some walking, some on bikes, all were complaining about the heat! They said that the publicity for holidays in Scotland had not prepared them for weeks of hot dry weather. C’est la vie … haste ye back!

Scones, Top

Ochiltree’s at Abbotsford

13 July 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

For a very long time we have been promising ourselves a visit to Abbotsford House. It was the home of Sir Walter Scott … poet, nove

Statue of Edie Ochiltree at Abbotsford House — Edie Ochiltree statue

list, historian, biographer and inventor of the shortbread tin view of Scotland. If he was alive today we’re sure he would have been a blogger of note! The new Borders Railway took us from Waverley Station in Edinburgh (named after one of Scott’s novels) to Tweedbank where there was a complimentary bus waiting to take us on the five minute ride to Abbotsford itself.

Scott died of typhus aged sixty one but left a lasting legacy of literature as well as this house which he spent much of his life building at huge expense.

Clarty Hole

For readers who think that financial crashes are a relatively modern phenomena, in Scotland it’s a bit of a long standing tradition. Scott was caught in the crash of 1825 and was ruined, owing almost £10m in today’s money, It says much for the man that, rather than become a bankrupt, he placed his income and property in a trust belonging to his creditors, and decided to write his way out of debt. Ironically, this strategy only succeeded after his death, due to the continuing sales of his literary works. Anyway, back in 1811 he purchased the old tumbledown Cartley Hole Farm. Locally, the farm was known as Clarty Hole (dirty hole) so Scott determined it should be renamed Abbotsford after the nearby ford used by the monks at Melrose Abbey.

External view of Ochiltree Dining, Abbotsford House — Abbotsford Visitor Centre and Ochiltree’s retaurant

After Brexit?

Today the house is a major tourist attraction and of course comes complete with its own rather swanky visitor centre and cafeteria known as Ochiltree’s at Abbotsford after Edie Ochiltree, a beggar, and one of Scott’s favourite characters in The Antiquary. Yet another hot day so we decided to sit out on the spacious balcony. We could look over towards the house nestling in between the soft borders hills on the banks of the river Tweed. We were taken care of very well, mostly by folks from eastern Europe. Who will do that after Brexit? Will we have to carry our own scones? Perish the thought! Pat elected to have a cream tea which consisted of some sandwiches, a scone and a piece of lemon drizzle cake whereas I was not so ambitious and simply went for a fruit scone. We actually shared everything!

The whole Abbotsford experience is wonderful. We didn’t go into the house – not enough time. However the gardens and walks through the woods down by the riverside are fabulous on such a fine day. And to top it all off with a topscone. What more could you ask?

External view of Abbotsford House — Abbotsford House from the banks of the river Tweed

Rubbing along

Today England is being Trumped and tomorrow it will be Scotland’s turn …. arrgghh. Are we starting to warm to the man, however?? Perhaps he is the only honest politician around these days? Even though you don’t like what he is saying, or the way he is saying it, he just says it and doesn’t really care what anyone thinks. Quite refreshing when compared to most of his mealy-mouthed counterparts. Yesterday he was saying Theresa May was a complete waste of space. Tell us something we don’t know Donald. Today he will probably be praising her. Make of it what you will. Apparently our beggar, Edie Ochiltree told it like it was so we have a sneaky suspicion that even though Scott was an educated man, he and Trump would have rubbed along okay. Maybe over a scone at Ochiltree’s at Abbotsford

TD6 9BQ tel: 01896 752043 Ochiltree Dining

ps: A notice board on the pavement outside the Cafe Royal in Edinburgh, now in its 155th year. Scott may have gone to the original which was on the opposite side of the Register Place. Do you think they could say the same about scones … perish the thought!

Scones, Top

Café Mimi’s

9 July 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

In the late 19th century, Spring-heeled Jack was a notorious fiery eyed demon of English folklore. He could leap over high objects such as hedges and scare the living daylights out of the good folks of London. And latterly of most of England. There are, however, several accounts of him having been spotted north of the border. In Perthshire near Auchterarder to be precise.

We cannot vouch for all the sightings but one at least proved to be false. What the locals initially thought was Jack turned out to be a young Auchterarder lad who was besotted with a lass from the neighbouring village of Aberuthven. In an attempt to dissuade rival suitors he took to leaping out on travelers on the road between the two villages under cover of darkness. Hence it gained the reputation of being haunted. No one knows if this strategy got him the girl but you’ve got to admire his determination, not to mention imagination. We hope it did, such is love.

Quiet calm

Anyway Spring-heeled Jack has nothing to do with anything other than to say that, if he did indeed terrorise the area around Auchterarder, then Café Mimis, with its orderly air of quiet calm, would be the ideal antidote to his antics. On our last visit to the village we had been recommended Café Kisa. At the time, we reckoned it to be the best in town and we would happily have gone back there. However, our mission is to relentlessly go forward and explore the nether regions of such towns and villages. And to report back to our readers on our findings. Hence we ended up here in Café Mimi’s. With the local hotel being Gleneagles, would Mimi’s live up to the local area’s reputation for high class produce and service? No problem, was the answer.

Beautiful toilets

With temperatures hovering between 25 and 32 °C for the past few months in these parts, Café Mimi’s felt more like this picture which was hanging in their delightful toilet. We don’t normally comment on toilets but Mimi’s is definitely worth a mention. Wouldn’t go there just for the toilet, you understand. However, if you have to go it’s one of the nicest we have ever come across. And that is always a good omen for everything else.

Cravings

The café itself is quite small, only a few tables but everything is spotless and beautifully laid out. We were looked after by a very friendly and humorous lady and her compadre, an equally pleasant lady called Morag. Turned out that she was the one responsible for baking all the fabulous looking cakes … and the scones! They only had four left, enough to give Pat a cheese one and me a plain. Both were absolutely delicious with the crunchy exterior and soft center that we crave. Together with the generous helpings of jam and cream it was an easy topscone. Their afternoon tea, which some ladies were enjoying at the next table, looked excellent as well.

Chequers fudge

It’s not that Café Kisa has been knocked off the top spot but more that it has been joined by Café Mimi’s. For a small village like Auchterarder to have two such good scone emporiums is quite something! Spring-heeled Jack may not have been the most level headed sort of chap but what would he have made of today’s news: the tragic death of a person in the ongoing Novichok affair that simply makes no sense whatsoever. The resignation of David Davis, our chief Brexit negotiator, in the face of an equally senseless Chequers fudge. The imminent and senseless Trump visit. His fiery eyes would be even more ablaze. He wasn’t that daft!

PH3 1BJ tel: 01764 664671 Café Mimi’s TA

ps: On the pavement just outside the Sugar& Spice bakery next to Café Mimi’s we came across this sage advice … consider yourselves, warned.

Ordinary, Scones

Down The Hatch

29 June 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

When you come to a place called ‘Down The Hatch’ you are probably not expecting a fine dining experience. When you realise it’s situated in a wooden hut in the middle of the industrial estate that is Port Edgar marina, any such lingering thoughts will have been well and truly put to bed. This place, however does not pretend to be anything other than what it is. A no frills restaurant with a kind of North American diner vibe going on. For that it has to be commended.

Got Poutine?

Seems that it can’t quite make up its mind whether it is Scottish or Canadian. It appears to have a foot in both countries. However, having one Canadian owner and the other, his Scottish wife, goes a long way to explaining all the maple leafs and other Canadian references.

Their blurb says that the food is influenced by North American tastes and that their USP is that they always have a different daily special … “that tends to walk on the wild side”. All the staff wear t-shirts which features a maple leaf against a Saltire background. However, what is the “Got Poutine?” all about? Turns out that poutine is a dish which originated in Quebec and is now thought by many to be Canada’s national dish. It consists of twice fried french fries with cheese curds covered in gravy. Dietitians all over the world can be heard screaming “why the hell do we bother?”

Sloppy research

We skipped the poutine however the same could not be said for the scones. The big question was, would they be walking on the wild side as well? Pat decided on cheese and I went for my usual fruit. It wasn’t until afterwards we discovered that they also had bacon and maple syrup scones. Now call this sloppy research if you like but we would definitely have tried one of these had we known about them. Maybe next time.

We’re not sure about walking on the wild side but there was a distinctly North American feel about the scones. Big and served with steak knives! Maybe that’s all they had but it did seem a little bit odd. Needless to say they did make short work of cutting a scone so maybe they are on to something. Spreading the frozen butter wasn’t easy though! Pat found her cheese scone a bit doughy and left some of it but I finished mine even though it wasn’t particularly inspiring. Overall it was a tad disappointing though it was good to see that the coffee was local from the Forth Coffee Roasters. Of course our favourite local coffee remains the Cat’s Pyjamas from Henrys Coffee Company … brill!

Prima donnas

For all you petrolheads there is a garage directly opposite Down The Hatch which specialises in renovating Land Rovers … its called Engine 710. It gets its name from a lady who came in asking for a replacement ‘seven ten’ cap. Eventually they discovered that she had been looking at the ‘OIL’ cap upside down … heyho! What else is going on in the world? Ah yes, the World Cup is in full flight with loads of prima donnas all trying to outdo each other’s acting skills. We can’t wait for it to finish so that Coronation Street can get back to its usual slots. Today is also National Cream Tea Day. Get out there and cream tea it!EH30 9SQ tel: 0131 331 1387 Down The Hatch

Scones, weird

The Almond Tree Café

17 June 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

We have been aware of the Almond Tree Café in our home town of Falkirk for many moons but for some reason have never ventured inside. Maybe it’s because it’s tucked away from the main shopping area near what used to be the Glasgow Buildings. A huge tenement which, at one time, housed hundreds of people right in the town centre. When folk complain that the centre of Falkirk is dying they probably forget that not so long ago, lots of people actually lived in or near the High Street. It made the town centre much more vibrant than it is today. Now, no one lives there.

Where the Glasgow Buildings used to be is now a car park. The only good thing that can be said about it is that parking is free after 3pm. Hence we were using it this afternoon. That’s how we ended up at the Almond Tree Café.

Thunderbolts

It is quite a big modern place, with a large seating area upstairs. Ssurprise, surprise, turns out that it is part of the adjacent Struthers Memorial Church. It had never occurred to us that the two were connected in any way. The bookshop full of Christian books and the fact that the almond tree is mentioned quite a lot in the Bible (Aaron’s rod etc) should, perhaps, have made it pretty obvious. Sometimes we can be a bit slow on the uptake. The Struthers MC is a Pentacostal church founded on the memory of the Rev J P Struthers. He was a powerful preacher and children’s author in Greenock until his death in 1915. He was actually struck down at a relatively young age while preaching. Must have said something wrong!

Bizarre systems

Many regard the SMC as a cult where they think of themselves as anointed and speak in tongues. Not exactly our cup of tea but, lo and behold, they did have scones … cherry and coconut scones to be precise. Weird scones to go with their weird servery. You pay for what you want then you have to walk round the a corner to collect a cup then bring it back and fill it up from a machine … bizarre. They definitely need some divine guidance here or even plain common sense would do. At the end of the day the scones were actually very good though the coffee wasn’t great nor were the people behind the counter. Probably volunteers so perhaps we shouldn’t criticise too much.

The SMC only has about 300 members over seven or eight bases in the UK so goodness knows how they make it pay. The Almond Tree itself is only open about five hours a day Tuesday to Saturday which wouldn’t make it a successful business and the shutters were down as we were leaving at 3.30pm??

Anyway, speaking in tongues, or glossolalia as it is properly known, is defined as: the fluid vocalising of speech-like syllables that lack any readily comprehended meaning. The Secretary of State for Scotland, David ‘Fluffy’ Mundell, has raised glossolalia to dizzying new heights at Westminster this week. It’s ironic that Westminster is defending what it is doing in the name of democracy. Have they forgotten that devolution was forced on an extremely unwilling UK by the EU. Why? Because the UK was deemed the most undemocratic state in Europe and the EU felt that devolution would give parts of the UK some sort of say in how they were governed.

Wringing hands

Now, Fluffy, a complete waste of oxygen where representing Scotland’s interests is concerned, has decreed that decisions taken in the Scottish Parliament are of no value whatsoever if Westminster just happens to disagree with them. What sort of devolution is that? He has also said that Scotland is no longer a partner in the UK, we are part of the UK. When did that happen? The UK is registered with the UN as: 2 countries (England and Scotland), 1 principality (Wales) and 1 province (N. Ireland). It probably doesn’t matter any more … the Union is bust. Meanwhile the Labour party has mastered the difficult art of simultaneously wringing their hands whilst sitting on them. Little wonder the SNP has seen its membership sore in the past few days.

FK1 1PW tel: 01324 626000 The Almond Tree

Ordinary, Scones

Coffee Kiln Café

12 June 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

His great grandfather, Sir Everard, was descended from a London Prince and his other great grandfather, Knight Errant, was descended from the Prince of Wales. No, we are not going off on another rant about the aristocracy, we are talking about the pedigree of the Baron o’ Buchlyvie. Perhaps the world’s most famous and probably most expensive Clydesdale stallion. He was sold at auction in 1911 for 9,500 guineas after a dispute over ownership that ended up in the House of Lords. That was a lot of money back then! His stud fees were astronomical. However if you want to listen to a bothy ballad on how they could be avoided just click here.

Anyway this is just a rather roundabout way of telling you that today we are in Buchlyvie. It used to be a busy wee place, being the crossroads for two railway lines. However, they were closed long ago and nowadays it is just a sleepy little village with a rather busy road running through it. Normally we are part of that busy road as we drive through on our way to the west coast but today we decided to stop at the pottery/café and see what was on offer. Plenty … inside there’s a wealth of lovely pottery in all sorts of patterns and colours. All produced in the workshop at the back of the café.

Drop scones?

We spent ages looking round and ended up buying quite a few different pieces. Of course, this was extremely taxing. We had spotted some scones on the counter so it was kind of inevitable. We decided to share one! Sadly it was a huge disappointment. We had a slice of gingerbread as well which was nice . However, although the scone was served with lots of jam, and cream it just didn’t taste good. The worst we had had in a very long time. Not even sure if the Baron would have enjoyed them. Not sure either if he occasionally got a bit over-amorous. In 1914, after having his leg broken by a kick from a mare, he had to be put down.

Subsequent to his burial however he was dug up and his skeleton displayed at Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum in Glasgow. Anyway, it’s a shame, but perhaps the Coffee Kiln should just drop scones (sorry) from their menu and concentrate on their lovely pottery.

View from the window of the Coffee Kiln Café, Bucklyvie — View from the window

A person of principle

Today Donald Trump shook hands with Kim Jong Un but somehow, after all the hype, the world doesn’t seem that much safer. Credit where credit is due however, it may lead to something yet. As might the resignation of Justice minister, Phillip Lee, so that he can vote against the government’s Brexit policy. A person of principle in the British government … wow!

FK8 3LP tel: 01360 850405 Coffee Kiln Café TA

Memories

TV and all that

Dog biscuits

We’re doomed

Takeover

Gourmet scones

Rumanian opinions

Venue 26

Offence

Lowly cottage

Rehabilitation

Weather and scepticism

Getting there

Sacre Blue

Sheep talk

Telephone cables

Wilting

Clarty Hole

After Brexit?

Rubbing along

Quiet calm

Beautiful toilets

Cravings

Chequers fudge

Got Poutine?

Sloppy research

Prima donnas

Thunderbolts

Bizarre systems

Wringing hands

Drop scones?

A person of principle

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics