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Scottish Storytelling Centre

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The few readers who actually pay any attention to these blog posts will be very aware that the person we would most like to invite to one of our dinner parties would be the ‘Master of Life’, Robert Bontine Cunninghame Graham. Indeed, four of our previous posts have come about as a direct result of Graham’s stories: Stuarts of Buckhaven, Liz MacGregor’s Coffee Shop, Brodies of Moffat and The Gallery Café.

Friedrich Engels, Oscar Wilde and Buffalo Bill were among his many friends. One of the finest authors in the English language, Joseph Conrad (who could never be described as having led a dull life) commented on Graham “when I think of you I feel as tho’ I have lived all my life in a dark hole“. Graham died in 1936 but in Argentina he is still regarded as a national hero, affectionately known as Don Roberto. In Scotland, being directly related to King Robert II, he had the best claim to become King of Scotland. Perhaps it is appropriate that we end up here, in the Scottish Storytelling Centre, to hear stories about him.

Important scones

The Cunninghame Graham Society, which is dedicated to promoting his memory, had organised a talk about the great man. Okay, okay, we hear you cry, “but did he like scones?” In all the literature written about Graham we have not come across any reference to scones. However he was a man of exceptionally high intellect and good taste so he would undoubtedly have placed great importance on them.

We had never heard of the Storytelling Centre but when they said it was part of John Knox’s house  on the Royal Mile (the white building centre stage in the title photo) we knew exactly where it was. And what a fantastic place it is. A modern complex of exhibition and performance areas dedicated to the art of storytelling and … a café!

What better way to spend our time waiting for the talk to begin than having a scone. A scone at the Scottish Storytelling Centre, EdinburghObviously, trying to get a completely fresh scone at seven in the evening is a bit of a tall order however the one we were sharing was not at all bad. Plenty of  fruit and quite light in texture. It came with a pot of jam and, the bane of our lives, a pack of Rhodda’s Cornish clotted cream. Perfectly good cream but all the way from Cornwall to this bastion of Scottishness?? Anyway, although it was nowhere near a topscone, we thoroughly enjoyed what we had and would certainly return.

Argentine tango

Although he was in the House of Commons for six years, Cunninghame Graham hated all politicians. He was often asked to withdraw from the House due to his unparliamentary behaviour.Interior view of the Scottish Storytelling Centre, Edinburgh Goodness knows what he would make of today’s unprincipled and spineless inhabitants of the Palace of Westminster. He would be  enraged that the poverty he fought against so vigorously at Westminster in the 1890s still exists. The necessity of food banks, even for those in work. He would have been heartened, however, that progress has been made towards an independent Scotland. However mystified by the time it is taking. His own stories, whether they be about a couple dancing an Argentine tango in Beunos Aires or a dismal funeral in Scotland, remain as vivid as this large picture hanging in the Centre … ‘A Mile Of Stories’ by Julie Lacome.

A Mile Of Stories by Julie Lacome at the Scottish Storytelling Centre,
Part of an effort to revive the Old Town as a living community. “Heave awa, we’re no deid yet”.

EH1 1SR.     tel: 0131 556 9579       Scottish Storytelling Centre

Ordinary, Scones

Bessie’s Café

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This morning we went to the Hippodrome cinema in Bo’ness to see C’est la Vie starring Jean-Pierre Bacri. We do this regularly if we can get out of bed in time … life has sooo many pressures! A French film with subtitles, it’s a beautifully crafted and funny story of the backstage shenanigans at a posh chateau wedding. Worth seeing if you get the chance.  Afterwards, we ended up on the opposite side of the the river Forth, in Fife, at the picturesque little village of Culross (pronounced kooros) which, oddly enough, is the location for another movie currently under production.

Mrs Halfpint

It’s a zombie film called The Curse of the Buxom Strumpet starring Dame Judi Dench and Sir Ian McKellen. In the story Dame Judi plays Mrs Halfpint, the local landlady in the town of Upper Trollop, played of course, by none other than Culross itself.  A ssign for Bessie's Tearoom, CulrossIn 1713 a deadly disease consumes Upper Trollop turning the inhabitants into monsters. A few redoubtable folk, led by Mrs Halfpint try to escape by ship to France. The premiere won’t be until next year so if we divulge any more we would have to kill you all. Just go see when it comes out.

Suffice to say that Mrs Halfpint may well have been in the employ of the Bessie of Bessie’s Café, or Bessie’s Bar, as it used to be called. The café used to be her malt-house, used in making beer for her pub. And would you Adam ‘n Eve it (been going to London too much) Bessie’s surname was Paterson. You can see from the picture that she was a fine upstanding lass in the best tradition of Paterson women.

We have been here before on several occasions when it was run by the National Trust for Scotland and were never too impressed … normally when we are in the village we go to another café called The Biscuit. Internal view of Bessie's Tearoom, Culross

DIY Americano

Bessie’s is under new management however so we thought we should check it out. It had started raining so we were glad to be in out of the wet and delighted to be merrily greeted by the staff who soon had us supplied with a couple of fruit scones. A scone at Bessie's Tearoom, CulrossEarlier we had agreed to having them heated so they arrived wonderfully warm and with lots of jam and cream.

They also supplied my Americano as an expresso with a jug of hot water, a sort of DIY kit.  Not quite sure of the logic since I just had to pour all the water into the expresso myself. Heyho, different! Pat took one bite and announced a topscone right away. However, she subsequently discovered a small doughy bit in the middle which unfortunately ended up demoting her verdict. Mine was perfect, so think Pat must have got a rogue one … shame.  Bessie’s is joined onto the Palace and they do a good range of food so definitely worth a visit if you are in these parts.

External view of Culross Palace, Culross
Culross Palace
Troublesome people

Talk of rogues reminds us that it’s the Conservative Party Conference in Birmingham this week. Boris and Theresa are slugging it out for supremacy. “Fiddling while Rome burns” comes to mind. They should be thankful they are not holding their conference here in the Kingdom of Fife where, if you remember our review of the Clock Tower Café, they had their own ways of dealing with troublesome people.

Now, call us naive if you like but we always thought, not that we have thought about it that much, if you wanted to burn a witch your major expenditure would be a gallon of petrol. Not so. In 1636, just along the coast from here, William Coke and his wife were sentenced to death for witchcraft. Apparently, to help them burn more easily, the normal practice was to clothe them in hemp coats and place them in barrels that had been pre-tarred. For anyone who thinks that this process comes cheap, think again. The expenses were considerable and probably put everyday witch burning out of reach for most people.

  • 10 loads of coal – 3 pounds 6 shillings and 8 pennies,
  • tar barrel – 7 shillings,
  • hangman’s rope – 6 shillings,
  • hemp coats – 3 pounds and 10 shillings,
  • making the above – 8 shillings,
  • expenses for judge – 6 shillings,
  • executioner (for his pains) – 8 pounds and 14 shillings,
  • executioners expenses – 16 shillings and 4 pennies.

That’s almost £5,000 in today’s money however at that time, the Church and the Council split the costs … nice! Don’t think they would do that nowadays but we would still recommend that Theresa and Boris avoid Fife for the time being. Because there’s always Crowdfunder!External view of Bessie's Tearoom, Culross

KY12 8JQ         tel: 01383 247381            Bessie’s Café FB

Scones, Top

The Corner Café

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You just can’t turn your back for a minute. We go down to London for a few days and come home to find a brand new café has popped up in the middle of town. Back in February we reviewed the Larder café which was a reincarnation of a previous one called Food Heaven. Both were pretty awful. Indeed this site seems to have been blighted by failed businesses over the years. Perhaps its because there is a big glossy Costa directly opposite. Maybe it’s the crowded market but mostly we feel it has been down to shoddy management. We said we would let you know how the Larder got on. Well it only lasted a few months after our review. That wasn’t the cause of its demise but probably didn’t help either.

Anyway, it’s now called the Corner Café and at long last it seems to have management that knows what it is doing. Young buck, Andrew, heads up a team that has gone right back to basics. Previously everything was bought in from a large cash and carry warehouse in Glasgow but now it’s all prepared fresh on site, scones included. Obviously, we had to visit. Internal view of the Corner Café, Falkirk

Hints of chocolate

The place has a clean fresh look and we were made to feel very welcome by the staff even though it was almost closing time when we got there. The menu is relatively small but big enough to have something to please everyone. We were particularly pleased to see that their coffee was from Henry’s Coffee Company. Not the Cat’s Pyjamas, but a blend made exclusively for the Corner by Henry’s.A scone at the Corner Café, Falkirk

They were sold out of fruit scones but the lady looking after us made a quick dash to the kitchen to see if there were any there, Sadly no, so one of the last remaining plain scones it was. It came with strawberry jam and cream in lovely little ceramic containers … nice touch. The scone itself was very good and their special coffee was deliciously smooth with subtle hints of chocolate, excellent. After some deliberation we felt that a topscone award was thoroughly deserved.

The Corner hasn’t even been open two weeks so we wish them the very best of luck for the future, hopefully they break the curse that seems to bedevil this site .. and we are not alone

Good luck cards at the Corner Café, Falkirk
Good luck cards from wellwishers
Tug-of-war

Everyone is fed up to back teeth of Brexit. If it inadvertently brought about a united Ireland and an independent Scotland it might have all been worth it … but otherwise?? The main news this week  is that Meghan Markle, Countess of a big chunk of England somewhere, closed her own car door. This was her first solo engagement and according to the media, with this one simple act she demonstrated how ordinary and down to earth the Royal Family really are. She has been showered with congratulations.

The other big congratulatory news was from South Africa. In the World Tug-of-War Championships in Cape Town, Ayrshire Ladies won gold in the 500kg competition. You are hearing it here because Pat and I used to be heavily involved in tug-of-war. And because you won’t hear it anywhere else. If you can do a good hop skip and jump you are lauded to the heavens by the media. You might even get a knighthood but in a serious sport like tug-of-war, not a dickie bird! Anyway, good luck to Andrew and his team, we are in your Corner … sorry!

FK1 1LZ.     tel: 01324 410949        The Corner Café FB

english, Ordinary, Scones

John Forrest Bakery

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When we write about places like Claridges, the Connaught and even the Bingham Hotel in Richmond, readers could be forgiven for thinking that we only frequent the well-to-do areas of London. Only mix with the upper crust! Well, you would not be far wrong. The thing is though, it just sort of works out that way … honest! We don’t seek these places out! After our sojourn the other day to the Tide Tables Cafe in wealthy Richmond, today we find ourselves in the Kings Road in Chelsea. Home of Sloane Rangers and Hooray Henrys, but not by choice … we are here on an important errand to fix an incapacitated handbag. It just so happens that the Handbag Clinic is here on the Kings Road. Yes, they do have clinics for handbags, however, the less you know about that the better.

Supercars

Famous for its Chelsea buns, the important thing was to check out a Chelsea scone and fill that gap in our collective sconological knowledge base. This part of London offers you the opportunity to pay ten times what you would pay anywhere else on just about anything. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration … but only slight. The streets are lined with super cars … McLarens, Ferraris, Maseratis. The sort of cars that, if we were to sell our house and our children, we would still not be able to afford. Sorry kids if you are reading this, it is just a turn of phrase, it does not mean that you are not worth much. It just means that if you were worth more we might get a supercar … okay!!

It’s ironic that these cars, capable of 200mph, would throw a major party if, by some miracle, they ever got to reach 30mph in London. For most of them, that’s a rather forlorn ambition. Some of them are painted matt black like stealth bombers. Initially we thought this might be to make them invisible to traffic wardens. However then we remembered that the owners of these cars would not be the slightest bit bothered with a hundred parking tickets. So, in a way, the paint finish doesn’t matter … except to look a bit pretentious, of course, and make it difficult for the butler to polish. Golly gosh, what a laugh that would be!

The holy hour

Okay, for those of you thinking that finding a scone in such surroundings should be a piece of cake … not so! It was after 2pm but everywhere we went we were refused. Scones only served between three and five … what? We knew the world had gone mad but this surely is the last straw!

However, there is something oddly right about this. Any other food item you could have any old time of the day but scones, as befits their status of course, only in this blessed two hour window. The conversation goes something like this: Me “may I have a scone please?” Waiter “Is it three o’clock, sir?” Me: “no, it’s half past two”. Waiter: “Yes sir you may have a scone but you will have to wait half an hour.” Play park where we ate the scone from the John Forrest Bakery, Kings Road, ChelseaAbsolutely no use to us though because we had yet another even more important errand than rescuing an ailing handbag to run. We simply could not hang around until the holy hour when scones would appear, presumably, as if by magic.

Now, readers should know by now that we are not ones for giving up. However, just as we were about to do just that, we stumbled on the John Forrest Bakery. It had scones that could be bought any time of the day or night, yeagh! It wasn’t ideal though … no seats inside and the few they had outside were all taken.

Not to worry, they provided us with two teas in polystyrene cups, a ham & cheese roll … and a scone in a white paper bag … all for £5.10. We take back our previous comment about everything being ludicrously expensive. We then slunk off up a nearby alleyway looking for somewhere to sit and eat. A scone from the John Forrest Bakery, Kings Road, ChelseaFortunately it led to an enclosed area surrounded by rather utilitarian looking apartment blocks. The hidden side of Chelsea where real people live. In the middle was a kiddie’s play park with a couple of wooden benches. And we had it all to ourselves. It was wonderfully quiet after the hustle and bustle going on only a few yards away.

Trials and tribulations

The scone, which the John Forrest folks had kindly buttered for us had loads of fruit but it wasn’t the best by a long chalk. At least it served to illustrate the trials and tribulations we endure in order to bring our sconey readers news from the UK’s nether regions. Actually, as we sat there on our park bench with our strong tea and very fruity scone, we did not feel trialed or tribulated at all. We did, in fact, feel rather blessed with the whole experience. Without it we would never have discovered this quiet little sanctuary.Play park where we ate the scone from the John Forrest Bakery, Kings Road, Chelsea

Sanctuary is what Theresa May needs as forces range against her from all sides. And she demands that the EU treats the UK with respect. She wants respect from the club we are leaving presumably because we think it’s crap! In the circumstances, we think the EU has been extremely respectful. Meanwhile, no one in government has a clue what is going on. The opposition is worse than useless. As a result the entire country is paralysed in a kind of collective nervous breakdown. What fun!

Picture this

If we had to choose a picture to depict Britain’s current sEdvard Munch's The Screamtate of mental health there would be only one contender, Edvard Munch’s, The Scream. Even inanimate objects are having issues because the Handbag Clinic was doing a roaring trade. However, what will Brexit mean for handbag clinics?

SW10 0LR      tel: 020 7352 5848        John Forrest Bakery FB

ps: we did see a couple of K2 telephone boxes but were unable to photograph them.

english, Ordinary, Scones

Tide Tables Cafe

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Have you have ever wondered how many Richmonds there are in the world? No?? Well, there are 56, so if anyone asks, now you know! In 2009 Richmond was voted best town in the UK but that was the one in North Yorkshire. The one we are in today, however, would probably be voted the wealthiest.

A glance in an estate agent’s window will provide you with several opportunities to rent a house for £30,000 a month … a month!! And if you get fed up sitting in your expensive house you can catch a ferry from here to Ham House or Hampton Court Palace and look at places that even you can’t afford. The town is also in an excellent state of repair. The 21,000 good people of Richmond just read about things like potholes if they unwittingly pick up a provincial newspaper. Potholes are not something they would ever have to actually experience for themselves.

View along river Thames at Richmond
Looking along the riverside from Tide Tables

 

Historically the town used to be called Sheen. It was here that the Commissioners of Scotland had to kneel before Edward I after William Wallace was executed in 1305. So how did it end up becoming yet another, common as muck, Richmond? Well, in 1501, when Henry VII built his new residence here, he called it Richmond Palace after his ancestral home, Richmond Castle, in ‘town of the year’ Richmond in North Yorkshire. After all, if you have a lot of castles, you cannot be expected to sit around all day dreaming up new names for all of them. Sheen Palace would have had a certain ‘gloss’ to it though! Anyway, the town that grew up here around Richmond Palace ended up adopting its name. Outdoor seating area at Tide Tables Café, Richmond

Lycra land

Having said that, it isn’t hard to see what attracted folk here in the first place. Set on a meander in the Thames, its a lovely place to stroll around if you have absolutely nothing better to do. Of course, that’s where we come in …itinerant scone munching vagrants. The riverside is particularly nice, it is always busy with cyclists and walkers. Down here you cannot simply put bicycle clips round your trousers and head off blithely on your bike. No, no, no, you have to be fully rigged out, top to tail, in multicoloured lycra so that  you look exactly like a competitor in the Tour de France, even though you are only going to pick up a pint of milk. This rules applies no matter your body shape, giving rise to the acronym MAMILs … Middle Aged Man In Lycra.

You also need all the technology. A phone with a head set so that you can dictate notes for tomorrow’s meetings or chat to your auntie Jeanie while you pedal. The obligatory Fitbit is also required so that you can chart your progress to eternal life and body beautiful. The walkers aren’t much better! As befits a place where the people have oodles of choice, Tide Tables is a hip veggie and vegan café. Internal view of Tide Tables Café, RichmondIt occupies an arch under Richmond bridge next to a boat builder but it also has a lovely outdoor seating area under giant plane trees.  We were able to sit in the dappled sunlight and watch the riverside bustle while we ate our scones. If you can’t afford all that lycra you have no choice but to sit and watch?

Being alive

A scone at Tide Tables Café, RichmondOn a slightly different tack. You know how we are always bleating on about places that serve butter and cream from England when we are in Scotland, well down here the butter was from France … mon dieu! Mon dieu, as well for the cream, it was very strange, hard and crumbly. Probably because it had never been within a country mile of a cow. The scone itself was quite big and although it had a fair amount of fruit it just tasted okay. Nothing to write home about. So why are you wasting our time we hear you cry! Okay it wasn’t a topscone but the overall experience of sitting by the river in the sunshine watching everyone else putting so much effort into being alive was wonderfully relaxing. So we can, at least, recommend that. Riverside seating area at Tide Tables Café, Richmond

Back to front

Sitting here you could possible believe that all was well in the world. Then you remember Brexit! Just why Michel Barnier doesn’t say to Theresa May ” look, the UK  has always been a miserable grudging and small minded member of the EU … just close the door on the way out” is beyond us. Instead we have to listen to Theresa May saying that the EU must compromise if they want us to leave … eh, think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick, Theresa! External view of Tide Tables Café, Richmond

Extradition

And where is David Cameron who got us into this mess in the first place. Playing so fast and loose with the future of the country should be some sort of criminal offence. Presumably, therefore, he is somewhere like North Korea that doesn’t have an extradition treaty with the UK. More likely, however, that he is holed up somewhere in deepest Richmond.

TW9 1TH.      tel: 020 8948 8285       Tide Tables Café

Scones, Top

Applejacks

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Last time we were in the Perthshire town of Callander we were indulging ourselves at the Roman Camp Hotel. It is situated, would you believe it, on the site of a 1st century roman camp on the banks of the river Teith. It’s great, but definitely at the luxury end of the market. This time we were just here visiting an elderly relative. The town is oft’ referred to as ‘The Gateway To The Highlands‘ and certainly, when we were traveling north to Glen Coe every weekend in our youth, we never felt ‘away’ until we hit Callander. Logo at Applejacks, Callander

In summer it is extremely busy so it is well endowed with cafés and restaurants to cater for throngs of tourists. We were attracted to Applejacks by the placard outside advertising our favourite coffee, the Cat’s Pyjamas from Henry’s Coffee Company.  Internal view of Applejacks, Callander The café is a long narrow affair and we ended up going to the furthest point from the door where it seemed, for a moment, like we had gone too far. Nobody was speaking English. Indeed everyone was speaking very loudly in some indiscernible language. Not to worry our waitress was local and soon had us fixed up with a couple of scones. Pat chose plain and I went for apple and cinnamon. The café has a kind of trendy upbeat vibe and as well as great coffee they do a good range of savoury wraps and sandwiches.

Misdemeanours

Our scones were accompanied by pots of jam and clotted cream … all English, arrgghh! We have nothing against that, per se. However, tourists from England do not come all this way north to be served the same stuff they get at home. A scone at Applejacks, CallanderSince they say on their menu that they pride themselves on accessing local ingredients we pointed out this misdemeanour to the management. They took note!  It had been a long time since an apple and cinnamon scone had graced my plate. This one served to reminded me of just how delicious they can be. Not made on the premises but, we were assured, made locally. Pat’s scone was good as well and provided a sweet counterpoint to the strong cup of Cat’s Pyjamas coffee. A winning combination … a topscone. Well done Applejacks!

Too and fro

In the 17th and 18th centuries Callander, like much of Scotland, was a hotbed of unrest.  Almost all Scots vehemently opposed the Union in 1707 . To make matters even worse, deep rooted Jacobite sympathies abounded and Callander was no exception. The town’s location, however, made it an obvious choice for a military road. It would provide better access for the government’s armed forces in its aim to subdue the unruly Highlands.

Completed in 1743, ironically, the first army to use the new road was that of invaders. Bonnie Prince Charlie, moving south through Callander from Glenfinnan to Derby in the 1745 uprising. It must have been quite a sight as they passed by Ancaster Square where Applejacks is situated. External view of Applejacks, CallanderA few months later of course, after the Battle of Falkirk  in 1746, the flow was the other way as they headed back north where the disaster that was Culloden would eventually unfold.

Criticising the government

Over the following decade, with over 400 garrisons north of the border, Scotland would be comprehensively crushed. It became the colony it remains to this day. Also ironically, a few years later the town’s namesake, James Thomson Callendar published a book with the rather snappy title of “The Political Progress of Britain or an Impartial History of Abuses in the Government of the British Empire in Europe, Asia and America since the Revolution in 1688 to the present time, the whole tending to prove the ruinous consequences of the popular system of Taxation, War and Conquest.” For his criticisms of the then system of government, Callendar, accused of sedition, had been obliged to remove himself from Scotland and flee to America.

Foundations

Sounds like his book could well be pertinent even today. As our more fervent Brexiteers, the Goves and Rees Moggs, fantasise with their rose tinted glasses over the glory days of Empire it is perhaps worth remembering that the barbaric practices perfected in the ten years after Culloden formed the foundations of the Empire.

Customer distribution map of the world at Applejacks, Callander
a wall map showing the Applejacks empire of diverse customers

However this picturesque little town hides its more turbulent past rather well. And Applejacks is a great addition to its High Street.

FK17 8ED     tel: 01877 330370    Applejacks FB

ps For some reason Pat laughed out loud at this notice in Applejacks.A humorous sign at Applejacks, Callanderand some kind soul has knitted covers to keep the street bollards warm … magic, the world has not gone completely mad after all

Knitted bollard cosies outside Applejacks, Callander

Scones, Top

Mackintosh at the Willow

Apologies, some readers found the last post recounting the unfortunate fate of Janet Cornfoot somewhat harrowing. To make amends this post will hopefully provide something of an antidote. Less witches, something a bit more suitable for polite discourse over a scone. Interior view at Mackintosh at the Willow, Glasgow

Three years ago we were in the Willow Tearooms and thoroughly enjoyed it. However, that was in Glasgow’s Buchanan Street. There’s another one in Hope Street. However, today we are in the very original tearoom set up by Cate Cranston in 1903 in Sauchiehall Street. It takes its name from the street, ‘sauchie’ meaning willow. Design at Mackintosh at the Willow, GlasgowCate was a little eccentric and quite a character so it is perhaps not all together surprising that she hired the local up and coming architect, Charles Rennie Mackintosh to design everything. Right down to the cutlery and the serving staff’s uniforms.

Mackintosh, of course, went on to become internationally famous for his individual work and as one of the founders of the Glasgow Style. It’s ironic and very sad that from here you can actually see the remains of one of his masterpieces, the Glasgow School of Art. It went up in flames just a few weeks ago.

Genteel

From the moment you enter Mackintosh at the Willow however there is no mistaking who designed it. It’s a kind of immersive experience andWillow pattern at Mackintosh at the Willow, Glasgow one that makes you proud to be Scottish and lucky to have Glasgow as the country’s biggest city. Following its £10m refurb however it is more of a tearoom complex. 200 covers, split across four tea rooms and featuring a Visitor Centre and a dedicated Learning & Education suite for schools …. wow! Once again we were late in the day but warmly welcomed nevertheless. ‘Genteel’ is definitely order of the day and we can do genteel. Okay it requires a bit of effort but we can do it!

Every table is equipped with a hand bell with which to summon a maiden. That’s what the waitresses in the original tearoom were known as. To us, using it would have felt ostentatious and embarrassing, but some people were dinging away merrily. Probably foreigners, you know what they are like! They have an excellent menu for lunch but, predictably perhaps, we just wanted a scone … boring! Our ‘maiden’ was delightful and soon had us sorted. A scone at Mackintosh at the Willow tearoom, Sauchiehall Street, GlasgowThe scone was much bigger than we had expected but everything was presented on white tablecloths and beautiful willow pattern crockery.

As you know, we like local produce and would have thought that such a place as this would have had its own ‘Mackintosh at the Willow’ brand jam. However, Mrs Bridges of Arbroath, is not too too unlocal, if you see what we mean. In spite of its size the scone was delicious. When combined with jam and clotted cream made for an overall first class experience.

Later, we found out that this place was not actually officially open for business. It had been operating for the past few weeks in an attempt to iron out any wrinkles and train the staff who all come via the Princes Trust. They seem to have done a pretty thorough job because we did not experience any problems. Didn’t even have to use the bell once! Interior view at Mackintosh at the Willow, Glasgow

Madness

If you are reading this today, 8th September 2018, the official opening by the Duke of Rothesay and the Duchess of Cornwall is actually happening as you read. We wish the whole bold and inspiring venture the very best of luck for the future … Cate and Charles would have been proud that the Willow Tea Rooms Trust has resurrected this institution so magnificently for the benefit of generations to come … well done them! The madness of Brexit and  Trump seems far far away when you are in Mackintosh at the Willow … mission accomplished!

Interior view at Mackintosh at the Willow, Glasgow
upstairs

G2 3EX        tel: 0141 204 1903       Macintosh at the Willow

Ordinary, Scones

The Clock Tower Café

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Here we are back in Pittenweem. The Pop-up Café we reviewed at the beginning of August during the week-long Pittenweem Arts Festival has disappeared. Doubtless to reappear next year at the same time. However, you don’t need an arts festival as an excuse to visit this little seaside village. It’s great to visit anytime and this time we are in the Clock Tower Café. When you look at the multitude of picturesque little lanes and wynds you could be forgiven for thinking that nothing much, other than some fishing and the odd arts festival, has ever happened here. Looks can be deceiving however. ‘Twas not always thus! The Clock Tower, which takes

External view at the Clock Tower Café, Pittenweem
The Tolbooth from the Clock Tower Café

its name from the nearby Tolbooth, can give an insight into livelier, if more disturbing, times.

In 1705, Patrick Morton, son of a local blacksmith, made a series of witchcraft accusations against some of his neighbours which resulted in them all being unquestioningly incarcerated in pitch black dungeons underneath the Tolbooth, part of the Parish Church.

No luck

Some starved to death but one, Janet Cornfoot, managed to escape.  She got about ten miles to the village of Leuchers where she sought help from the local minister, George Gordon. He was more interested in the reward for her recapture, however, so she was promptly returned to Pittenweem. No luck!

There, a mob tied her up, beat her severely, and dragged her by the ankles down to the harbour where she was dangled upside down from the masthead of one of the boats. People then threw rocks at her as she swung to and fro. Still no luck! Eventually she was taken down and a door placed on top of her which was then laden with heavy rocks to crush her. Finally, a horse and cart was driven over her before she was thrown in an unmarked grave having been refused a Christian burial. Oh Janet, if it wasn’t for bad luck! In the end, Morton, who made the original accusations, proved to be a thoroughly untrustworthy liar. However no action was ever taken against him or any of the mob. Internal view of the Clock Tower Café, Pittenweem

Church of Scotland

When we recoil in disgust at some of the barbarous acts beamed into our living rooms from around the Middle East in the name of religion, it is perhaps salutary to bear in mind that, not that long ago, the Church in Scotland was behaving in an equally barbaric fashion.  Thank goodness it is slightly more enlightened nowadays. Internal view of the Clock Tower Café, Pittenweem
Anyway, even though Janet Cornfoot was undoubtedly dragged down the High Street past this place on her way to the harbour we did not let that put us off. No, no, no, the Clock Tower had scones, so in we went with barely a passing thought for poor Janet. There’s a few tables in the front part of the café but we went through to an area at the rear where there were plenty more. The staff were lovely. They quickly had us sorted with a light lunch and a scone to share. A scone at the Clock Tower Café, Pittenweem

There was lots going on with people coming and going all the time and exchanging banter. It had a nice friendly atmosphere. The scone was a slightly odd shape but good nevertheless … no topscone but good. Pittenweem is fortunate to have many good cafés.

Janet and Donald

Back then, however, Janet Cornfoot needn’t have turned to Donald Trump for sympathy or understanding. We are not huge John McCain fans, he was a bit of a warmonger, but he did spend more than five years as a POW in Vietnam and that must have been tough. So when Trump said “he’s not a war hero, he was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.” presumably he wouldn’t have got on well with Janet. Probably would have been part of the mob. That figures, doesn’t it?

View at the Clock Tower Café, Pittenweem
one of the many tiny lanes
Extraordinary achievments

Recently the SNP became the second largest political party in the UK, overtaking the Conservatives. An extraordinary achievement when you consider they represent only 8% of the UK population. Also, at a time when the UK needs a strong opposition like never before, the Labour Party, by far the biggest party in the UK, manages to render itself worse than useless over a mere form of words. An extraordinary achievement. As a result the third largest party in the UK remains all powerful. While simultaneously making a complete mess of things. Also an extraordinary achievement. If our Janet had a grave she would be spinning.

KY10 2LA     tel: 01333 313111    Clock Tower Café TA

Ordinary, Scones

The Aizle Coffee Shop

Today, we are in Ballat. Ballat is a village in northern Syria not far from Homs. It has has a population of about 574 mainly Greek Orthodox Christians. That’s according to Google. Thankfully we are nowhere near there today because a) it’s dangerous b) it’s unlikely to have scones. Instead we are at Ballat crossroads about fifteen miles north of Glasgow because a) it’s dangerous b) it’s likely to have scones.

Let us explain! The A811 road forms part of our normal route over to Loch Lomond and at Ballat it crosses the main Aberfoyle to Glasgow road … not like a normal crossroads in the shape of a straight forward cross, but rather a cross that has been mangled and flattened … you have to cross at a very weird angle and it can all get a little bit hairy.

Probably fine when only used by carthorses but now with juggernauts thundering through at a rate of knots it is an altogether different proposition … the scene of regular accidents.

Internal view of the Aizle Coffee Shop, DrymenThe narrow sliver of land between the two roads is occupied by a complex of shops called the Aizle, one of which is the Aizle Coffee Shop. Goodness knows why anyone would call it that but apparently it is an old Scots word meaning ‘hot ember’ or ‘spark’ … it rhymes with hazel … whatever! Normally we are so thankful at just making it safely to the other side of the junction that we have never bothered stopping here. The only reason we are stopping today is that our tummies are rumbling and we still have a fair bit to go.

Problem, we had not realised the time. We were arriving just as they were closing for the evening. Nevertheless, although we were the only ones around, we were very warmly welcomed. A scone at the Aizle Coffee Shop, DrymenThey didn’t have any proper food left, just the odd cake … and the odd scone. Initially we thought this fortuitous however our scone turned out to be pretty awful … dry and hard … perhaps because it had been lying out all day? Serves us right for arriving so late. Our visit was brief but we felt sustained enough to carry on our way so it did its job. No topscone here however, nowhere near.

One nice thing about this place was that it provided some light reading material at each table. Rather than our usual political rant we will just let you read our table:
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A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the M25 near London. Nothing was moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped all members of Parliament, and they’re asking for a £100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them in petrol and set them on fire. We are going from car to car collecting donations.”

“how much is everyone giving on average?” the driver asks. The man replies, “Roughly a litre.“

Okay, not in good taste but then again it did match the scone! We actually felt a modicum of sympathy for politicians when we read that piece. Some of them must have a modicum of sense after all. But then we saw the pictures of Theresa May dancing with some black kids in South Africa and all sympathy evaporated. For years, she, along with David Cameron branded Nelson Mandela a terrorist. Now, in the face an impending hard Brexit caused by her own party’s stupidity, she is in Mandela’s country desperately kowtowing for business. Another litre?

G63 0SE        tel: 01360 440456           The Aizle FB

Ordinary, Scones

Crail Harbour Gallery

Back around the middle of the 16th century the union between Scotland and France was very strong. It was founded on the understanding that Scottish royalty would marry French royalty and vice versa. To this end James V married Madeleine of Valois in Paris in 1537. Later that year, as Queen Madeleine, she arrived in Leith amidst great celebration. Six months later, however, she died. Never mind, within a year James married another French princess, Mary of Guise. She was shipped over to Scotland together with some 2,000 lords and barons. Bet you thought mail-order brides were a relatively recent phenomenon!

Miscalculations

She was supposed to land at St Andrews but due to a miscalculation by the captain, she landed at Crail instead. Her first night in Scotland was at Balcomie Castle. All was well however because, when she eventually did cover the last ten miles to St Andrews, there followed several days of bounteous merriment. She, of, course would eventually become mother to Mary Queen of Scots. The rest, as they say, is history. External view of Crail Harbour Gallery and Tearoom

This slightly verbose introduction is simply to say that today we are in Crail, a beautiful little fishing village on the East Neuk of Fife. Apparently, at one time, it could easily be mistaken for St Andrews if looking at it through squinty eyes from the sea. Just up the hill from the harbour we came across the Crail Harbour Gallery and Tearoom. It owes its existence to the artist D S MacKie. He converted the 17th century storage space into a gallery for his own work. Internal view of Crail Harbour Gallery and Tearoom

That time of year

The interior is small but it has an even smaller garden area where you can sit and take in fabulous sea views. View from Crail Harbour Gallery and Tearoom towards Isle of MayOn a lovely sunny day like this  it was glorious to sit out. However we were eventually driven inside by wasps … it’s that time of year again, shame.

The girls looking after us were very warm and welcoming. They took our random table changes in their stride though they were probably cursing us under their breath. A light lunch was, of course, followed by a scone which we shared. A scone at Crail Harbour Gallery and TearoomIt came nicely presented with everything you would want for a good scone, plus, a little piece of Scottish tablet on the side. We will eat healthy tomorrow … honest! The scone was very enjoyable and because of the great service and presentation we swithered hard about a topscone. Eventually we decided that the scone itself just didn’t quite do it … pity!

One of the many noteable things about Crail is the weathervane on the Tolbooth building. Rather than the cockerel of weather vane tradition, it is a smoked haddock … fab!

View of Crail Harbour
The Gallery and Tearoom is to the right of this picture

Balcomie Castle where Queen Mary spent her first night is also haunted by a small boy who misbehaved about 400 years ago. They threw him in the keep for a few hours to teach him a lesson but went away forgetting about him. He starved to death!

Bigger keep please

We can think of a few politicians who could do with a few hours in the keep. However, just when you are trying to pick one: May, Johnstone, Corbyn, Rees Mogg, Trump, Australia has to go and get in on the act. Their own chaotic elections have produced a brand new shiny PM, Scott Morrison! We really are spoiled for choice. We need a bigger keep!

KY10 3SU     tel: 01333 451896     Crail Gallery and Tearoom