Category Archives: Scones

All of our scone posts

Welsh Cakes

12 March 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

You’re all familiar with “Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells”, a name used for someone with strongly conservative political views, who writes letters to newspapers in moral outrage. Well, recently we had a communication from “Slightly miffed of Portmahomack” saying that we had featured baked goods from Scotland and N.Ireland but had ignored Wales and its Welsh Cakes.

No idea

Obviously, having miffed readers is not on and history teaches us that ignoring discontent in the Highlands can be perilous. So, in an attempt to quell any hint of rebellion Pat has acted quickly and decisively to bake some Welsh Cakes. She previously had no idea such things existed but as always our best buddy, Google, rode to the rescue.

making Welsh cakes — Very similar recipe to fruit scones but cooked on a girdle or griddle

No one knows where scones originated … England, Scotland and Ireland all have claims. The first mention of a scone in writing, however, was back in 1513 by Scottish Poet, Gavin Douglas so perhaps Scotland has the greater claim. Whatever, we are proud to continue Gavin’s good work. Anyway, no matter where they’re from originally we don’t think it’s Wales. They’ve got Welsh cakes for goodness sake so why would they?

Placated

Once the mixture is rolled out and cut into whatever shape you like they are placed on the hotplate.

The caster sugar is optional. Without caster sugar you can slice them through the middle and eat them with butter and jam, just like a scone. Alternatively, with the caster sugar you can eat them just as they are. They were delicious so we gave them the first and probably the last top Welsh Cake award. We thoroughly enjoyed this foray into the unknown. Who knows, Welsh Cakes might become a regular feature in Pat’s baking repertoire. The last time we were in lovely Portmahomack we had a topscone and hopefully, now that “slightly miffed” is placated it will be safe to return for another. Can’t wait!

Oprah

The fallout from the Meghan and Harry interview is incredible. For an inconsequential family rift to dominate almost every news channel for a week just beggars belief. With Meghan, the monarchy has missed a golden opportunity to drag itself into the modern technological world. The traditional fairytale secretive monarchy no longer cuts the mustard for many. And just so that you know, its a few years since we last chatted with the Queen but we can confirm that she never mentioned Meghan once … if that’s anything to go by … just saying!

It’s a while since we brought you a telephone box. This one is at the new Falkirk Distillery which hasn’t opened yet but has distilled its first spirit. By 2024 it’ll be actual whisky. What with this and the old Rosebank Distillery reopening, Falkirk is starting to rival Islay as a whisky lover’s heaven. Okay, slight exaggeration.

It’s a pity the phone box was made at the Lion foundry in Kirkintilloch, it would have been nice if it had been a Falkirk one.

Scones, Uncategorized

Morrison’s afternoon tea box

9 March 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 4 Comments

Morrison’s afternoon tea box, okay, maybe this is the actual bottom of the sconology barrel? We have, of course, been here before. About eighteen months ago we were at Morrison’s Café and not only that, we had two mini-Vikings with us. We were buying costumes for Halloween so that we could go round our neighbourhood scaring everyone half to death. Remember … we were once able to do that! Before COVID and Brexit that was called ‘normal’. Anyway, the mini-Vikings abandoned us on Saturday so that they could go back to school in London. Pat is, once again, flying solo on the baking front.

Surprise

Coronavirus restrictions mean that we are still not allowed to go anywhere. Mind you, everything is closed so there’s nowhere to actually go anyway. In these circumstances we thought it might be worth trying Morrison’s Afternoon Tea Box. The advert looked quite good (see title picture) and it was only £20 or £25 if we wanted to upgrade it with prosecco. And it would be delivered to our door at no extra cost. Predictably perhaps we upgraded … why not? It arrived bang on time and we were excited to see what it would actually be like. We were more than a little surprised, however, when we opened the box and saw what we had bought.

DIY

It wasn’t so much an afternoon tea as an afternoon tea kit. More a box of groceries from which it would be possible to make an afternoon tea if you were so inclined. A whole loaf, a jar of pickle, two boxes of cakes, a large chunk of cheese, a packet of ham, tea bags, carton of milk, big pot of jam and a large (burst) packet of lightly salted crips. Enough to make afternoon teas for a small army. Crickey, we could have just gone to the shop and bought all this stuff.

We decided to look it all up online and see how much it would have cost if we had done that. Sad, we know but we had nothing better to do! You will see from the results that we would also have been cheaper. We would have saved £0.48. To a tight-fisted Scotsman that’s equivalent to at least two mouthfuls of beer. We really don’t know what Morrisons is thinking about with this product. To be fair, when we went back and checked the advert it did list everything underneath the picture. We should have looked more carefully.

Anyway, once we had recovered from the realisation that there was nothing else for it but to knuckle down and make our own afternoon tea. We duly set about making the sandwiches, decanting the cakes and unpacking the scones. Eventually we sat down to relax in front of the fire with the fruits of our labours.

Experience

It wasn’t like any other afternoon tea we have ever had but all in all it wasn’t that bad. Maybe it was the fact that we had been more involved or maybe it was just that we were nice and cozy and catching up with missed episodes of Coronation Street. Who knows? The scones were okay but nowhere near a topscone. Of course, there was enough in the box to make several more of these afternoon teas but I don’t think we’ll bother. Putting it all down to experience … read the ads carefully!

So the mini-Vikings are delighted to be back in school with their friends, a huge relief for the home-working parents. Meanwhile Boris Johnson is reportedly building a £9m bunker beneath the Cabinet Office for use in emergencies. Is he thinking of when he refuses another independence referendum for Scotland. He might need it.

Scones, Uncategorized

Girdle scones

3 March 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 9 Comments

If you are wondering where the girdle scones are in the title photo, they are in the tummies of the two mini-Vikings. We went the short distance to Blackness Castle for a picnic and they had girdle scones filled with ham and cheese. It was definitely a top girdle scone award according to them.

One of our mini-Vikings was born in Norway and is super proud of that. The other minnier-Viking was born in England and is super proud of that. As they read the information boards the miniest-Viking became troubled by the realisation that this castle, which she loved, had spent a lot of time under attack by the English. She is half Scottish but we could see that she was seriously conflicted. Quite tricky for a five year old. Mind you, us older ones weren’t too happy about Oliver Cromwell wrecking it in 1650 either. All that was completely forgotten, however, when the picnic was produced.

Fussy pigeons

Anyway lets go back to the beginning. Since we have been expanding reader’s sconological education with traditional oven scones and more recently drop scones and tattie scones, Pat thought she should have a go at girdle scones. The last time she tried them was when we were first married and living in a first floor flat in Edinburgh. We always put our stale bread out on the window sill for the birds. When the girdle scones didn’t turn out too well we put them out as well. Not even the pigeons would take them. This memory was still vivid as she launched into this second attempt.

Happily, years of baking experience meant there was a much happier outcome this time around. If they look a bit like tatties scones that’s because they are quite similar except, of course, there are no potatoes in girdle scones and there is a little baking powder to make them rise.

ways to eat girdle scones — girdle scone with ham and cheese and next day with fry up … yum

Many years ago, when I was a mere sapling of a student, I worked as a labourer in the oil refinery at Grangemouth during college holidays. Every morning a truck would pick me up in Falkirk High Street. It had a tin hut thing on the back. There was no door but inside there were wooden benches running down each side. A little bit later the truck would stop at a model lodging house where a squad of Irish navvies would climb on board and join me in the hut. These guys regarded puny students as fair game so I probably got more than my fair share of ragging but really, they were the salt of the earth.

A singular woman

I tell you this simply because the lodging house had a woman who came in and made the men their packed lunches. I’ll never forget it because every day it was exactly the same. They all had a full girdle scone filled with great slabs of red cheddar cheese. For all the months I worked there I never saw them eat anything else. Suffice to say that Pat’s second attempt at girdle scones was much much better than the first.

A mystery

In spite of the delicate nature of Anglo/Scot relations our visit to Blackness was great fun. But it highlighted an ongoing problem that we were totally unable to resolve. How to get the miniest-Viking to wear a jacket in a way that covered more than just her forearms?

If anyone has any suggestions we would be delighted to hear them.

Just as Scotland enters a phase where it has its best ever chance of achieving the same respect that all independent nations take for granted, it is beset by a scandal. It revolves around personalities and technicalities of who said what to who, where and when. No bearing whatsoever on Scotland’s case for independence but with the media in a feeding frenzy, it undoubtedly will. Fingers crossed good sense prevails.

the beach at Blackness Castle — Jacket problem final solution … removed it

Scones, Uncategorized

Tattie scones

23 February 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

.Okay, we’ve been eagerly awaiting Nicola Sturgeon announcing that we can all go as one big family on holiday to Inverness. Unfortunately she is being super cautious so we will just have to carry on crossing our fingers and hoping that the vaccination programme makes it all possible by Easter. Children went back to school yesterday in Scotland and in England on 8th March, so overall there are increasing reasons for optimism. In blog terms, however, it means that we are descending ever closer to the bottom of the sconology barrel. This post is all about tattie scones.

A potato scone or tattie scone as it’s known in Scotland, is fairly far removed from the oven scones that form the already rather feeble excuse for this blog’s existence. They are, however, scones so we have to give them their due. They’re just not what we are accustomed to. Our readers in the nether regions and far flung crevices of the world will probably be wondering what on earth we are on about. But what else are we supposed to do when we still can’t leave home.

Canny Scot

Anyway, one day the two mini-Vikings who helped us make drop scones in the previous post were having dinner at our house. Pat had made them mince and tatties, an ever popular dish that never usually fails. Suddenly, one of them (as five year olds tend to do) announced loudly that she didn’t like potatoes any more. Rather than go through the rigmarole of explaining about starving children in Africa, we decide to give her bread instead. That was fine but, of course, it meant that we still had some left over mashed potatoes. Pat, canny Scot that she is, put them in a bowl in the fridge.

Next day she announced that she was going to attempt something she had never done before – making tattie scones. Wow! Not sure that tattie scones could be classed as a Scottish delicacy but they are certainly very popular as part of a breakfast fry up. A packet of tattie scones does not cost a lot but they are simple to make.

You can get a recipe here but Pat simply added added a pinch of salt, a little butter and some milk to the left over mashed potato before finally adding a little flour. She then just patted the mixture out until it was roughly round in shape before dividing into quarters. Then they were transferred to a hot lightly buttered griddle (large frying pan would do) where they cooked until ready.

Ulstermen

Some people like them hot with just a little butter. Others actually prefer them cold with butter and jam. When we lived in Northern Ireland they were known as potato farls and formed an essential part of an Ulster fry. That’s something that Ulstermen have every morning but which would keep any ordinary mortal going for about a week.

Finished tattle scones — The finished article

A first

Next morning, we decide to have our own fry up. It was an altogether puny affair compared to an Ulster fry. But at least we could sample Pat’s first homemade tattie scones. The scones were heated in the frying pan along with everything else.

We regard fry ups as a relatively rare treat. So needless to say the whole plateful was consumed with more than a little relish. Tattie scones were superb. Well done Pat and thanks to one over fussy mini-Viking without whom we would never have made them.

Scones

Drop scones

20 February 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Okay this might be a wee bit tenuous in terms of sconology. This post is actually about pancakes, Scotch pancakes to be precise or as they are sometimes known in Scotland ‘drop scones’. That, together with the fact that we are all still incarcerated in our homes and cannot get out for proper scones is our excuse for this post. Tuesday last was Shrove Tuesday and traditionally that is Pancake Day. For most of England and indeed the rest of the world this involves a celebration where large thin pancakes are made in a frying pan and tossed to prevent them burning. Some places even have pancake races whereby a number of competitors run along a street tossing their hot pancakes as they go. In Scotland, of course, we don’t indulge in that sort of nonsense. Scotch pancakes are an altogether different animal.

220 g Self Raising Flour • Pinch Salt •50 g Caster Sugar
2 Free-range Eggs •280 ml Milk •1 tsp golden syrup

Making pancakes for Pancake Day — Preparing the ingredients including the all important golden syrup

In the past, Shrove Tuesday was the last opportunity to use up fats and eggs before the start of Lent. Hardly necessary for us but we decided to celebrate anyway by making some pancakes of our own. There was more than little encouragement from the two mini Vikings who helped us in the skillingsboller post. They love granny’s pancakes!

Indeed, Granny’s pancakes are something of a phenomena. She creates enough pancake mixture to make at least twenty to thirty pancakes but by the time she’s finished there is not a trace. Every single last panake has vanished. All that’s left is dirty dishes. It’s one of life’s great mysteries.

Betrayal

My mother was great at making pancakes and when we lived in Ireland she gave Pat her recipe. It never worked in spite of multiple efforts. They were always pale insipid affairs. It wasn’t until we were at my mother’s house here in Falkirk that Pat noticed her adding a teaspoon of syrup. “What’s that?” she cried. “That’s the syrup” said mum, “You can’t make pancakes without a little syrup!” “But that’s not in the recipe you gave me”, Pat exclaimed. To her dying day mum protested her innocence but was never allowed to forget it.

Anyway, the mini-Vikings made me this one. It was fabby dab!

Perseverance

The wonders of pancake making are only matched, perhaps, by the wonders of landing a spacecraft on Mars. A journey of seven months across thirty eight million miles and managing to land this thing with pinpoint accuracy has to be some sort of miracle. Our mini-Vikings assumed that there had to be someone steering it and were completely mystified when told that it was unmanned. It did, however, allow me to explain all the mathematical formulae involved in such a project. Joking, of course, but I think they did come to realise that maths can be quite important. One small step for mankind! Mind you, the success of NASA’s Perseverance mission does make you wonder if there are not some more pressing problems back here on Earth.

Pat and I have both had our vaccinations as have all our friends so we are hoping it won’t be too long now before scone adventures can resume. Fingers crossed!

Scones, Uncategorized

Myrtle House Café

4 February 2021 billpaterson1@me.com

Do you sometimes find yourself wondering if the past year has just been a dream … a not very nice dream. And that you will suddenly wake up and it will all be over? After a while the whole COVID thing gets to you like that. One of the Australian aboriginal Dreaming stories tells of Baiame, a creational ancestral hero.

2,192 ft high Mount Yengo, the Uluru of the east

He came down from the sky to find the earth bare and dark. He decided to make it light and created plants, animals and rivers to make it beautiful. When he finished he jumped back up to the sky and, in doing so, he flattened the top of Mount Yengo. It’s a sacred site and you are requested not to climb it but we think the world could do with another visit from Baiame … there is much in need of attention. We tell you all this because at the foot of Mt Yengo is the Myrtle House Cafe where you can get scones. Another sacred place, perhaps?

Freedom

And how do we know all this … our Bathurst correspondents, of course. Once again we are indebted. If it wasn’t for them we wouldn’t have a clue what was happening sconologically down under. Their latest report started by telling us that cricketing legend Don Bradman actually started his career trying to play his first love, tennis. They soon get down to the scones, however, and end up here in Myrtle House. Bear in mind that our correspondents, although restricted by COVID, have much greater freedom to travel than we do. In their own words:

“On the road again, this time going north to our niece’s farm at a little village called Laguna on the Broke Road in the Hunter Valley. Erica and husband Brett and three small children have just moved up here from Sydney to escape the city rat race. Great for Covid protection as well.

On the way we lunched on bacon and egg rolls at a café called Fresh Denman, preceded of course by a scone entrée. The scone looked great but faded a bit on the tasting, maybe a 5 out of 10. Certainly not a top scone, perhaps a middling one if that term that can be used in scone hierarchy.

Lemonade

A couple of days later we had breakfast at a café called Myrtle House in Wollombi, just north of Laguna, starting of course with the obligatory B&E roll. “Do you also serve scones” I asked our waitress. “Of course we do mate” came the reply. “In fact, they are made to the famous Country Women’s Association (CWA) recipe, lemonade and all”. After that we had to order a serving. Better than the Denman ones, but a slight taste of sourdough, must have been the lemonade. 7 out of 10.

A crape myrtle tree — Crape myrtle trees surround the cafe

The CWA

The Country Women’s Association has become a recurring theme. First mentioned when our Toowoomba correspondents wrote about it in a post from the Angel Cafe. Then we provided their scone recipe in the The Old Workshop Cafe – Again post and latterly we actually bought a virtual Devonshire tea from them (it was for a good cause) in the Machrie Bay Tearoom – Again post.

Ancestors

The Aboriginals believed that the entire world was made by their Ancestors way back in the very beginning of time … the Dreamtime. The Ancestors made everything and therefore everything is sacred and must be treated with respect. What would the Ancestors make of the current wrangling between the EU and the UK over imports and exports to N. Ireland. In fact, what would the Ancestors make of anything these days? Perhaps the world would be a nicer place if we took a leaf out of the Aboriginal’s book.

NSW 2325 tel: (02) 4998 3220 Myrtle House

///supernatural.reddest.seasonal

Scones, Uncategorized

Pat’s scones

31 January 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 9 Comments

Before we treat you to a sample of Pat’s scones let us first take a look at the current lockdown situation. It isn’t getting less severe, the opposite if anything! And the end seems to get ever further away! As mouldy oldies we are getting our jabs in a couple of weeks but even that doesn’t appear to make that much difference. We can still become spreaders and it’s not until we get the second jab that the vaccine really becomes effective and goodness knows when that will be. Argh, the joys of COVID!

The Ununited Kingdom

Speaking of spreaders, Boris Johnston decided, a couple of days back, to grace Scotland with a whistle-stop tour. Goodness knows why? He must know that he is pretty much universally loathed north of the border. And of course the trip broke all the rules that apply to everyone else who has to live with the disastrous consequences of Westminster’s pathetic handling of the crisis. Increasingly people realise that many key government functions are only weakly anchored centrally. It’s London-centric credibility has been weakened and the UK now looks more and more like a fractured state. Then there’s Brexit!

Approval ratings

At the moment neither the Tories nor Labour have a snowball’s chance in hell of being elected in Scotland and as long as Boris maintains his current attitude he will remain the SNP’s most effective recruiting sergeant. Recently, in a poll, Nicola Sturgeon gained the highest approval rating of any UK politician … and that’s in England where she holds no sway! Remarkable!

Withdrawal

So, Pat’s scones, what about them? In the last few posts we’ve done skillingsboller and we’ve done pumpernickel, neither of which have anything much to do with scones. To be fair, we have done a scone but it was from Australia. That’s all very well but scone withdrawal symptoms eventually became fairly severe. It’s come to this, we have resorted to making our own. Not for the first time, of course, but we don’t normally resort to such drastic measures. To get the full scone experience you really need to go out and capture them in their natural habitat. We were also having to do without the assistance of the two small Vikings we have deployed on some recent occasions. They were doing schooling from home.

Pat made quite a large batch and then gave me two different presentations. One with a bowl of cream and a pot of homemade blackcurrant and gooseberry jam. Every thing was deliciousThe other came with cream and crab-apple jelly. What’s not to like? Thankfully she did not ask me to judge which was best but suffice to say they were both fab! Can’t award a topscone because then that would infer that you could come and visit and sample them for yourselves … but you can’t! Nobody can! The joys of COVID!

This was my favourite. Very small and presented just on its own I think it was supposed to convey some sort of message. Aww!

Just heard that toilet brushes have become the official symbol of the Russian protests in support of Alexei Navalny. It’s a crazy mixed up world!

Keep safe everyone!

Scones, Uncategorized

Ramblings from Oz

25 January 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

With the UK officially the worst country in the world for it’s handling of COVID, here’s a question! What do you do when you can no longer go out on scone adventures? What do you do when sconology grinds to a shuddering halt? And WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN ALL HOPE IS LOST? Okay, that’s three questions but you get the drift and no, the answer is not “phone the Samaritans”. The answer, of course, is to turn to our Bathurst correspondents in New South Wales. Unlike us, they have a government that does have a scoobie and, therefore, are not as restricted. They’ve sent us a wide ranging report covering isoglosses, cricketing legends and telephone boxes … and scones.. It’s modestly entitled Ramblings from Oz. You will see , however, that antipodean COVID life is not entirely straight forward either.

In their own words:

Sconeless in Sofala

Some time ago two friends of ours opened a café called the Painted Horse in Sofala, a quaint old gold mining town about 50 km from our home in Bathurst.

Julie Young in Rustic Cafe, Sofala — One of our Bathurst correspondents reflecting on normal life before her husband started taking an interest in scones. Taken at the scoreless Rustic Cafe in Sofala

They made scones to die for ! The downside is, I somehow deleted the photo I took on my phone, so there is no proof. And there is more downside. The café closed down when Covid hit, and has been closed for the past 10 months or so. It has reopened with new owners, but no sign of our friends Nick and Kate. We called in there a couple of weeks ago but not a scone to be seen, just some tired looking sausage rolls.

Covid 19

We are surviving pretty well Covidwise, just a handful of new cases every day in each state. As soon as there is a bit of a flare-up in one state or another, the state Premiers start closing borders willy-nilly. We were supposed to meet our son and family at Victor Harbour, south of Adelaide this week, then bang, the NSW/SA border slammed shut and we had to cancel our house booking. Then two days later the border was reopened. All is not lost though as we have re-booked for the end of February. Here’s hoping we can get through then.

Isogloss

Not a word I had ever come across. But your bit about how “scone” is pronounced in Ireland a few blogs ago was intriguing. You may recall that I referred to the town of Scone in one of my poems. Well, Scone is pronounced to rhyme with “phone”. Here we have to take issue with our correspondents because normal pronunciation for the former home of the Stone of Destiny is actually “skoon”. Such are the linguistic problems with English

Scones

Today we drove down to a place called Berrara where friends have a holiday house right on the coast. We are here for a few days, as travel within NSW is not restricted by Covid. On the way we had morning tea with Julie’s sister and husband who live in a town called Bowral, which incidentally is where Donald Bradman started his cricket career. What did we get for morning tea, you guessed it, scones, of the savory kind, with cheese and fennel. No faux pas on my part this time, wanting cream and jam, as was the case with the pumpkin scones of yesteryear.

Phone Boxes

And on the way, what should we see, not one, but two red phone boxes, sort of Siamese twins, in a town called Kangaroo Valley. Complete with black box and buttons A and B. Not sure if they were actually working phones, or just a tourist prop, as Kangaroo Valley is a bit of a tourist trap. Never seen anything like that before. It certainly was not made in Falkirk.

As ever, we are indebted to A&J, our Bathurst correspondents. Your contributions are always extremely welcome. We also envy your ability to leave your house … forgotten what that’s like! It’s ironic that Trump has gone and we still can’t go out safely!

Remember Gordon Brown, former Labour PM who was wheeled out by the Conservatives to spread gloom and doom during the 2014 Scottish Independence referendum. The Conservatives were too scared to come north of the border. In the style of Trumpery he told lie after lie and promised all would be well if we just stuck by the Union. Well, like the Creature From The Black Lagoon, he has emerged again to tell us that the UK is a failed state. Tell us something we don’t know Gordon. Scotland was telling you that in 2014 and has regretted heeding anything that came out of your mouth ever since.

“Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin’-race!” Tonight is Burns night which brings about the annual cull of hagisses. It’s the only way to keep the numbers down. We’ve only got a small one and it’s even smaller once the legs are off. Slàinte mhaith, enjoy yours!

Scones, Uncategorized

Scottish empire biscuits

19 January 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 4 Comments

Having brought you Norwegian boller and German pumpernickel we thought something Scottish was somewhat overdue. So here we bring you Scottish empire biscuits! In some places they are called German biscuits but their origin actually lies with the Austrian Empire.

preparing empire biscuits — empire biscuits before assembly

These are a family favourite and always near the top of the list when visiting local cafés. They are made of two shortbread biscuits glued together with jam, (like a jammy dodger) covered with white water icing on and topped off with a glace cherry. Remember “topped off with a place cherry” for later. You can get a recipe here.

Sensible human beings

We made them with the assistance of the same two small Vikings we utilised in the skillingsboller post. Of course Scottish empire biscuits should ideally be made by a Scottish person. Both these small Vikings are a wee bit silly but thankfully they are half Scottish so if you add both these halves together you end up with one sensible Scottish human being … yeah!

Thrift

We started by making the individual biscuits then sticking them together with some jam before the fun part … icing. My mother was champion baker in Falkirk over many years and her name was on the trophy so many times it became embarrassing. She used to make great empire biscuits and when entering a competition she always used at least half a cherry on top. And she would win first prize! When baking for the family, however, she gained notoriety by ever putting one sixteenth of a cherry on top. Such duplicitous behaviour typified my upbringing … it’s amazing I ended up as the well rounded character you know today. Her extreme thriftiness meant that, sometimes, I was even forced to help her cut them up!

Scottish empire biscuits — empire biscuits

Anyway, enough of my rather silly mother, our one sensible Scottish human being had particular ideas about decoration. No glace cherries of any size (we didn’t have any) but all sorts of unicorns, rainbows and jelly tots instead … just little bit silly. Must be the Viking side creeping in! We could be super critical about the shape and finish of the end results but we don’t wish to hurt anyone’s feelings. They were absolutely delicious. At least as good as any we have had anywhere! A mini triumph for a sensible Scottish human being!

These biscuits became known to more global audience when they featured during a hearty meal in Pixar’s Scottish fantasy film Brave. And once Scotland, as one of the last colonial remnants of the British Empire gains its independence, they may become known simply as “Scottish biscuits” … yeah!

Celebrations

With only hours to go before Trump leaves the White House, it is cause for celebration. Not only that but it’s followed a few days later by an even bigger one … Burns night.

Since millions of haggises will be eaten by Burns’ officianados toasting the life and times of our national bard we feel, particularly for our overseas readers, that some reassurance is required. Although there are some people who actually do go out and hunt haggis it is essentially an unnecessary pastime. You can find tips on how to catch a haggis here. The truth of it is that haggises have the same sacrificial instincts as cliff jumping lemmings. However, haggises stampede down off the hills and jump directly onto plates all over Scotland. No cruelty is involved … honest!

Scones, Uncategorized

Devil’s Fart

13 January 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

No, we are not talking about Boris or Donald Trump! Devil’s fart is probably more widely known as pumpernickel, a dense German rye bread that’s name actually means “devil’s fart”. Apparently it has flatulence inducing properties. Never having experienced flatulence we thought it might be interesting to try it! And if the packaging is anything to go by it may have other properties as well!! Okay, okay, if this all smacks of desperation then so be it. London is in danger of being overwhelmed by COVID so restrictions are becoming ever stricter everywhere. Who knows, the way things are going, we may not be allowed to look out the window, never mind go on sconing adventures.

Internationalism

The implications for our readers continuing education is worrying, however. Hence, following our previous post on Norwegian skillingsboller, we now bring you the German devil’s fart. It comes courtesy of our Münster correspondents who gave us some as a present. Many thanks to them for introducing us to pumpernickel and helping expand the cultural horizons of our readers.

Bad smells

It used to be found only in north west Germany but now you can get it pretty much anywhere. That said, European and American pumpernickel are different. The American pumpernickel has added ingredients and a higher baking temperature to provide shorter production times. Why oh why does the US need everything ‘fast’? Just chillax and do it properly! Perhaps, with Trump and his compadres only remaining as a bad smell, they may be able to do just that. Or is that wishful thinking?

pumpernickel unwrapped — Pumpernickel loaf unwrapped

So how do you eat pumpernickel? As novices we started by slicing it the wrong way, before realising it was already sliced. It’s pretty solid and a little bit sticky so tends to appear like one solid dark block when it’s unwrapped. A bit like a pack of cheese slices. Not an auspicious start but how would it taste? That’s all that matters after all! In order to give it a fighting chance we decided to try it with a variety of toppings – cheese and ham, cheese tomato and chutney, salami and mustard … and lastly just with some homemade plum jam.

Honest, officer!

The bread itself has a grainy texture and a slightly sweet flavour that’s unusual but quite pleasant. Pat gave top marks to the cheese and ham. My preference was for the salami and mustard though all of them were actually very good. Will we be rushing out in search of devil’s fart? Well, if we cannot go out for scones then we can hardly go out for that. What would we tell the police if stopped? We’ll let you know about the flatulence … or maybe not!

ps: Our pumpernickel was a present and this week we received another. A parcel of framed photos from fellow photographer Dave Hunt. He operates from his Wildgrass Studio in beautiful Glen Lyon and specialises in vintage and fine art photography. Some time back we helped him experiment with his wet plate collodion technique. None of this instant digital nonsense for Dave, no, no, no! He has to coat a plate of glass with light sensitive material, expose it in the camera while still wet and develop it all within about fifteen minutes. If it’s not quite right you just start again … simple!

He misplaced the plates during a house move but found them again recently and sent them on. How can we describe the results? “Brilliantly vintage”, perhaps … just like the sitters! The wonderful thing is that the 5″x4″ plate is completely unique … not another like it. Many thanks Dave, we love them all. Dave also says that these images should last for 200 – 300 years … and to let him know if they don’t. If you find life a bit too fast you can find out about this technique at one of Dave’s workshops. Can’t guarantee he will have such fantastic subjects though.

No idea

Placated

Oprah

Surprise

DIY

Experience

Fussy pigeons

A singular woman

A mystery

Canny Scot

Ulstermen

A first

Betrayal

Perseverance

Freedom

Lemonade

The CWA

Ancestors

The Ununited Kingdom

Approval ratings

Withdrawal

Sconeless in Sofala

Covid 19

Scones

Phone Boxes

Sensible human beings

Thrift

Celebrations

Internationalism

Bad smells

Honest, officer!

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics