Category Archives: Scones

All of our scone posts

James’ Coffee Bar

4 December 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Here’s another random scone. When you walk along Main Street in the peaceful little village of Doune, apart its rather formidable castle, you probably wouldn’t ever imagine that it was once famous for the manufacture of guns. Yet from the mid 1600s to the late 1700s pistol making was the main industry here. All that is long since gone and the reason we come here nowadays is not for guns but for dresses. Or, whenever we think we have accumulated too much money! Woodlane of Doune is an excellent ladies dress shop for sorting that problem out.

It was when Pat was in a changing room that I was asked if we were going across the road to the Buttercup Cafe afterwards. I said that we had been there recently and thought we would try and find somewhere else. “Oh, you should try James’ Coffee Bar” was the reply “It’s open air but it has a roof … and it’s not far from here.“

Being outside

We’d never heard of it. We were intrigued … open air in December? With what little money we had left we took our leave of Woodlane carrying several large bags. The ladies in the shop, however, had given us clear directions to James’ Coffee Bar so we set off to find it. It’s in the middle of nowhere on a road that we never use so that’s why we hadn’t come across it before. It sits adjacent to Stockbridge Nurseries Garden Centre and takes the form of one of those American Airstream aluminium trailers. The seating area is ‘outdoors’ but the roof is extensive and on a dull but nice day like today it was rather good to be ‘outside’.

Local products

The first thing we saw at the counter was the scones and just a few other cakes and things. Then we realised there was huge menu on the wall beside where we were standing. Eventually the order was two bacon rolls and a fruit scone to share. The girls in the trailer were delightful and soon had us sorted with everything we needed. No fine china here but, of course, in an establishment like this that would have been totally inappropriate. Our scone came in a cardboard tub along with a jar of jam, a wee tub of cream and a wooden knife. The coffee, Grumpy Mule was good but no as good as our favourite Cat’s Pyjamas. Puzzles us why people use companies hundreds of miles away while there are local products which are just as good, if not better.

Other than that we really enjoyed James’. It’s a family run enterprise born from the restrictions forced upon them by COVID. When we were finished we simply tipped everything into the appropriate recycling bins. For us it was just a little out of the ordinary and a bit of fun. We hope they go from strength to strength. Now that we know where it is the summer will doubtless see us back at James’.

Football business

For us the World Cup is proving to be not so much fun. In spite of FIFA pretending that they run and organise the event this one is pretty obviously being run by Qatar. Nothing happens without their approval. The whole thing, right down to them piping bird song into newly created parks is just a bit weird. The promised ‘greenest’ World Cup ever has proved to be a joke. Human rights seem to be another joke with all our home teams being too lily livered to wear an armband. Christiano Renaldo ‘not being sure‘ whether to accept £173m for a two year contract in Saudi perhaps illustrates all that is wrong with the modern business of football! AND, we have to have something to moan about!

FK15 9ND Tel: 07936 078661 James’ Coffee Bar

///star.cello.megawatt

Ordinary, Scones

Coffee Jam

1 December 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Some readers seem to think that we go to a lot of trouble by travelling miles and miles just to report on a scone. It doesn’t really work like that! It just sort of happens in a completely random kind of way. This post from Coffee Jam in Renfrew might help illustrate the point.

The other day we went online to bid on a lot at McTears Auction House in Glasgow. We didn’t get what we wanted. We were outbid by quite a long way … boo!. However, in the random nature of auctions another lot took our fancy. It was a couple of Clutha glass vases made by James Couper & Sons in Glasgow circa 1900. Their factory closed in the 1930s but it was situated just a couple of hundred yards from where we worked for many years. Liberty of London named it Clutha (“cloudy” in Gaelic) to identify the deliberately bubbly, streaky nature of the glass. Needless to say, although we hadn’t meant to buy anything like this, we somewhat randomly pressed the successful ‘bid’ button. All of a sudden, they were ours!

Today we were collecting them from McTears. We had the vases safely cosseted in bubblewrap for the journey home when we realised that Renfrew, the county town of Renfrewshire, was just about a mile further west. Neither of us thought we had ever been there. Odd, because it’s right beside Glasgow airport but all the main roads seem to bypass Renfrew itself. Randomly, at the gate out of McTears, instead of turning right for home we turned left for Renfrew. Like many post-industrial towns it looks a little bit tired but hints of a glorious past abound. Not least of these is the town hall, a magnificent confection in stone, which now houses a museum to celebrate all things “Renfrew”.

Fascinating facts

There was loads of things of interest. The Renfrew horde of 674 silver pennies dating from the the late thirteenth century was discovered here. It was in an earthenware jug dug up in 1963. There was a set of dominoes made by French POWs held here during the Napoleonic Wars. And, did you know that the first shots fired in the skies over Britain in WWII were fired by George Pinkerton flying a Spitfire from Renfrew. He attacked a German fighter over the River Forth. And, the first aircraft to cross the Atlantic east to west, the R34 airship, was built by local company, Beardmore & Co, in 1919. One of the crew had to parachute out to help the ground crew in the US who didn’t know how to land it. So many fascinating things that we didn’t know about Renfrew. We needed a scone and some tea to help digest it all.

Spare?

Randomly, on the other side of the street from the town hall was Coffee Jam. There was no evidence of scones anywhere and when we asked if they had any there was consternation! Our girl, Christy, went off to the kitchen and from there she signaled with two fingers that they had two. We signaled back with a thumbs up and some enthusiastic head nodding! When she brought the scones to our table we asked if she had baked them. No, the chef had baked them earlier but we were extremely lucky that they had two scones ‘spare’. And with that she turned to help another customer. We were intrigued, how does a scone come to be ‘spare’?

Each scone were quite big, nicely warmed and, although the WeWantPlates brigade would not have been happy, pleasingly presented on a slate. They were accompanied by large bowls of cream and jam. Although the cream was ‘scooshie’ the consistency was good compared to some we’ve had in the past. Sometimes it dissolves into liquid almost immediately! And loads of jam … maybe this was why it’s called ‘Coffee Jam’? We enjoyed our scones even though they didn’t quite merit a topscone. Coffee Jam has only been on the go for less than a year and has already won awards. The owners are obviously trying very hard. We wish them all the best.

Kindred spirits

When we went to pay we couldn’t resist asking what a ‘spare’ scone was. Turns out that they normally only provide scones with their afternoon teas. So the ones we got were ‘spare’. Now we understand though we do think that their scones are a bit on the big side for an afternoon tea. it also turned out that Christy was a fellow photographer. she only works in Coffee Jam part time to help her sister out. Although at opposite ends of our respective career paths we had a great chat about the photography business and hers in particular … SMPhotography.

Random thoughts

On our way home we passed the luxury liner MV Ambition which is moored in the Clyde. It’s been hired by the Scottish government as temporary accommodation for Ukrainian refugees. There’s another cruise liner in Edinburgh being used for the same purpose. There’s not much news about this, so not sure what to think. There’s lots of news, however, about the most corrupt sporting event ever, the Qatar World Cup. Apparently it’s actually supposed to matter! The MV Ambition made us realise that we do need to spare a thought for the Russian troops dug into hellish trenches for the winter. Of course, we need to spare a thought for the Ukrainian troops as well but at least they know why they’re there.

Hopefully you can now see how, through the random nature of our lives, a random purchase in an auction can randomly lead to a spare scone.

PA4 8QD tel: 0141 560 2714 Cafe Jam Insta

///paying.racks.copper

Ordinary, Scones

Aran

19 November 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

In case you think that we are now far away on the Isle of Arran let us assure you that we hardly had to go any distance for this post. Just a short walk into Falkirk town centre, in fact. Those of you who already speak Scottish Gaelic will know that Aran is Gaelic for ‘bread’. For those who don’t know Gaelic you’ve learned something already. Here’s something else. This place used to be called Coffee on Wooer because it’s situated at the junction of Tollbooth Street and Wooer Street (derived from Weaver Street). We reviewed that back in 2016 and it did not turn out well.

Back then when we asked for a scone the chap behind the counter picked one up and tried, unsuccessfully, to penetrate it with a fork. We like them crunchy on the outside but there’s a limit. He even said “I wouldn’t if I was you“! After that it was a vegan cafe called “The Wooer” and that wasn’t much of an improvement. This latest incarnation, Aran, has only been going a couple of months but would it be any better?

From the outside it looks much the same as it’s always done. Inside it is much improved, however, if a little on the sparse side. We were greeted with a cheery “hi” as soon as we walked through the door. Things were looking up already! We had arranged to have some lunch a little later so at this point we just wanted a scone to share. They do have a nice menu, however, that prides itself on its locally sourced produce. There were plain scones available but we opted for our usual fruit.

Fresh

It wasn’t long before the lovely young lady looking after us had us all sorted with a tea, a coffee and a scone. No cream unfortunately but at least the little pots of jam and butter looked as if they could be local produce … yeah! The scones tasted deliciously fresh. And, when we asked, we were assured that they’re baked in their own kitchen each and every morning. In the past, we’ve not had good experiences here so this was all rather wonderful. Not quite topscone but about as close as you can get. Well done Aran, a vast improvement on your predecessors, keep up the good work!

Sunny uplands?

What wasn’t so wonderful was the recent Autumn Statement delivered by our new Chancellor, Jeremy Hunt. The Tories pride themselves on being the sensible party when it comes to government and fiscal responsibility. It’s their USP … they know how to run things! Yet, after twelve years in power, we are being told to expect the biggest drop in living standards in over fifty years. Everyone is going to be considerably poorer. We are also the only member of the G7 countries to have a smaller economy now than it had before the pandemic. In other words we are going backwards at a rate of knots. Gosh, can you imagine what it would be like if we had a government that didn’t know what it was doing??

On the upside, they say that after a few years of abject misery we will return to the sunny uplands again. That’ll be the same sunny uplands we were promised after Brexit? We’re still waiting!

There’s another Aran in nearby Linlithgow. It’s run by the same people so we may have to try that as well. Just to relieve the abject misery which is to be wrought upon us , if nothing else.

FK1 1NJ tel: 01506 844477 Aran FB

///vibrate.buck.pepper

Ordinary, Scones

Delivino

9 November 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Today we are at Delivino in Auchterarder but normally you would find us at its sister restaurant, Canada Wood. It’s only a short walk from our house. They also have the original Delivino in Crieff which opened in 2006. It’s always a good sign when you see restaurants like this expanding. Usually, it means they’re getting things right.

We like Canada Wood and have reviewed it three times but so far a topscone has eluded them. This Auchterarder venture opened in 2014 so maybe they would be better here? Their blurb says they “champion the sound food philosophy of Spain, Italy and southern France” … no mention of scones? However, they do have a lovely selection of wines from all of these countries.

Wonky Scottish weather

You know you are in Auchterarder, home of Gleneagles Hotel, when you look down the street and every second parked car is a Range Rover, many with horse boxes attached. At Delivino we were welcomed in out of the rain which, so far, had been making the day very Scottish. Having said that the weather for November, has been unusually mild. Not quite t-shirt weather but definitely unseasonably warm. COP27 in Egypt is supposed to restore our weather to it its normal Scottishishness but so far all we have heard is the usual platitudes they trotted out last year at COP26 in Glasgow. In the meantime it looks like Scotland, for the foreseeable future, might become more Mediterraneanish. “Taps aff”, all year?

After an absolutely delicious lunch we had ordered a fruit scone to share. It came with two plates. Always good when you don’t have to ask for another plate when you are sharing. Cream, however, wasn’t and option and the jam was English and the butter was Irish?? We won’t bore you with our comments about that, you already know! The scone itself was actually very good but considering everything else, it definitely fell short of a topscone.

Records broken left right and centre

We are now on our third Prime Minister this year! They should fit No10 with a revolving door! Hopes were high that it would be third time lucky but no. This government is proving to be just as chaotic as the previous ones. In a previous post from the Cross Keys in Kelso we said Suella Braverman was the shortest serving Home Secretary ever. She managed to get sacked for security breaches after just 43 days. That claim has since been overtaken by Grant Schapps who managed only six days before being replaced by, you’ll never guess … Suella Braverman. In the past week she has managed to make over three thousand immigrants vanish into tin air from the Manston processing centre. What a woman!

Gavin Williamson lasted almost two weeks as Minister without Portfolio (is that really a job?). He had already been sacked by both Boris Johnson and Theresa May. Liz Truss would probably have hired him and sacked him as well if she had held her post as PM long enough. In spite of sacking him, Boris gave Gavin a knighthood … brilliant! And the former Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, is now in the Australian jungle munching witchetty grubs … business as usual at Westminster then!

Topnotch

Okay the scone at Delivino wasn’t quite topnotch but everything else was. We are looking forward to visiting the Crieff venue in the not too distant future.

PH3 1DF tel: 01764 660033 Delivino

///demand.continued.tokens

Ordinary, Scones

Polly’s Pantry

4 November 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

As you know we have a network of correspondents, both here and abroad, who selflessly contribute to the psychobabble that we try to pass off as relatively sensible comment. This post involves more correspondents than usual. Our appreciation is boundless. The Laird was the one whole tipped us off about the subject of this post, Polly’s Pantry in Aberdona. He did mention it wasn’t that easy to find and he wasn’t wrong!

But first, since we have just dispatched Halloween for another year, we thought you might be interested in a photograph our London SW correspondent sent. It’s of pumpkin scones. Never come across these before and other than the the photo, there was no more info.

If any readers has tasted these devilish scones please let us know. We can’t imagine that they would be much good but what do we know?

Dirt track

We have frequently passed the road sign for Aberdona when we hurtle past on the way to places like Dunfermline and wondered if Aberdona was like a small version of Aberdeen. The Laird’s tip-off gave us an excuse to find out what it’s actually like. The side road very quickly lets you know that it’s not going to be at all like Aberdeen, in fact Aberdona consists entirely of two houses and this old farm steading that houses Polly’s Pantry. Anyway, the last bit of road was just a dirt track but no matter, we were here … huragh!

When we got inside, it was very quiet which meant we were able to get a table right next to one of the large windows. However, by the time we left it was very busy indeed. It’s only been going about eighteen months and what the young owners have achieved in that time is quite remarkable for somewhere that’s not exactly on the main drag.

View from Polly's Pantry — View from our table with the Ochil Hills just visible above the autumn tinged trees

Caroline was looking after us and she was a delight. Within no time at all she had provided us with everything we wanted including a scone to share. It turned out that the scones were sourced from Vera’s Artisan Bakery in Stirling. The scone itself was good but, unfortunately, not up to topscone standard. It wasn’t helped either by the fact that the jam was from America, the butter from Ireland and the cream was from Cornwall. You all know what we think of that when there is so much fantastic local produce around. We did enjoy our visit to Polly’s, we will be back.

Wild Wimmin

Now you would think that a place the size of Aberdona would not court much in the way of controversy. Well think again! There’s a small loch in Aberdona that a group called Wild Wimmin Swimmin have been using in their leisure time. Now, however, the local landowner has put up notices banning such activity. Legally he cannot do this in Scotland because everyone has the “right to roam”, enshrined in the Land Reform (Scotland) Act of 2005. Having made the Wild Wimmin even wilder the landowner has wisely agreed to talks which will hopefully resolve the issue amicably. Fingers crossed!

The Joy of Little Things

Lately we, along with everyone else, have been perplexed by the antics of our politicians. It seems to us that they are all possessed by naked ambition and delusional self importance . We couldn’t figure out what the problem was until our Utah correspondents mailed us a poetry book by Robert Service. Service was a English/Scots/Canadian who lived much of his life in France. He was commonly known as the Bard of the Yukon. In the book there is a poem “The Joy of Little Things”.

That’s what these politicians are all missing … the joy of little things. The sense of perspective that little things give you. Scones are little things!

After buying some charcoal sourdough bread (it’s jet black all the way through … argh!) we left and headed off towards Stirling. Not that far down the road we stopped again at Muircot Farm Shop that we reviewed three years ago. Bought some expensive but delicious oatcakes from a Kirkaldy bakery then headed back home. Lastly, our Co Durham correspondents sent this picture of their scones from Whitby. No more information but they look good.

Huge thanks, as always, goes to all our correspondents we love hearing from you.

FK10 3QP tel: 01259 752 944 Polly’s Pantry

///atomic.butlers.putter

Scones, Top

Clarinda’s Tearoom

28 October 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

This scone has strongly connections to Robert Burns, Scotland’s national poet, and one of his poems in particular. With the current political Sunak/Braverman furore you would be forgiven for thinking the poem would be “Such A Parcel Of Roques In A Nation“. In that poem Burns railed against the aristocrats who in 1707 treacherously relinquished the Scottish Parliament and passed all powers to England. No, no, no, this scone is from Clarinda’s Tearoom in Edinburgh and it’s about an altogether different kind of poem … a love poem. We feel, however, that a little background is required before we get on to the all important scones. Bear with us!

Sense and nonsense

Robert Burns famously loved the lassies but he was particularly besotted by one, Agnes Maclehose, in particular. However, she was already married, unhappily married but married nevertheless. Her husband had long since left her and gone off to Jamaica. The relationship between Agnes and Robert, though intense, remained platonic throughout. They conducted their romance through letters and exchanges of poetry and to keep their correspondence confidential they adopted pseudonyms … her’s ‘Clarinda’ and his ‘Sylvander’. Sir Walter Scott referred to the resulting love letters as “the most extraordinary mixture of sense and nonsense, and of love human and divine, that was ever exposed to the eye of the world.” Didn’t they write beautifully back in the day!

Clarinda and Robert Burns — Clarinda and Burns

In December 1791 Agnes decided to sail to Jamaica to try and salvage her marriage. Just before she left Burns penned “Ae Fond Kiss“, a beautiful poem of love and yearning. She arrived in Jamaica only to find that her husband had already started another family with another woman. What are men like?? Never mind, how devastating that experience must have been for Agnes! Broken hearted she returned on the same ship on which she had arrived. She and Robert met once more before he died aged just 37. She never remarried and died in 1841 aged 82.

Queues

In spite of there being several other cafes in the vicinity we had to queue to get into Clarinda’s. Was this a good sign? The last time we had to queue was at the Elephant House, not far from here. It was where the Harry Potter books were written. Have you realised that the word ‘queue’ is just a letter with four silent letters waiting in line? This queue was formed mainly of tourists so Clarinda’s is obviously well known, either for the associated story of romance or the quality of its scones … or maybe both … exciting!

It is a tiny place and there were six in our party so not easy to get a table big enough. No problem they soon had us seated and ready for our scones. The only way to describe Clarinda’s Tearoom is ‘chintzy’. Lace table clothes, loads of pictures and plates hanging on the walls.

Obviously, with a queue outside, there was no let up for the staff. They were lovely, however, and treated everyone as if they were the first customers of the day. We had a scone each and thoroughly enjoyed them. They came with generous pots of jam and cream and a couple of large teapots of tea to go with their eclectic mix of chinaware. Perhaps not the best topscone but we enjoyed Clarinda’s so a topscone nevertheless. No doubt the queue, which was still outside, was delighted to see the six of us leave.

The above picture was taken from near Clarinda’s Tearoom. You can just about see the top of the Burns Memorial, slightly to the left of the obelisk in the middle. It gazes down on Canongate Churchyard where Clarinda is buried. The romance continues!

Heinous crimes

The obelisk, by the way, is the Political Martyrs Monument. It commemorates five men who campaigned for parliamentary reform and universal suffrage in 1773. Their crime was consider so heinous they were given an equally heinous sentence … transportation to New South Wales! Don’t people pay for that nowadays?

EH8 8BS tel: 0131 557 1888 Clarinda Insta

///deflection.tins.pink

Ordinary, Scones

Cafe Tiki

24 October 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 6 Comments

You know how it is … you drive past a place on a regular basis and every time you do you think “I wonder what that place does?” but you never actually make the effort to find out. That’s how it was with this place, Forth Valley Sensory Centre. Barely half a mile from where we live yet it was a complete mystery. The name, of course, kind of suggests help for those with impaired senses but it doesn’t give that much away. Today we decided to find out what it was all about.From the main road you don’t see that much of it but it’s actually quite big and very modern. And to top off our surprises, it has a cafe, Cafe Tiki … excellent!

Wellbeing

The Centre provides services for those who are deaf or hard of hearing as well as those who are blind or partially sighted. It also seems to provide services across a huge area including Clackmannanshire and Stirling. It has over 30 groups, classes and activities to improve the wellbeing of folks with compromised sensory conditions. They’ve even got a Sensory Garden but the weather today meant it wasn’t a day for exploring that. Technically there is nothing wrong with our senses. We know that many of you might disagree with that but we did wonder, in these circumstances, what sort of reception we would get. No problem, we were welcomed with open arms. Under interrogation though we did confess to an excessive-fondness for scones. And that’s when they directed us their scone treatment centre … Cafe Tiki.

It was mid afternoon and it was about to close so we had the whole place to ourselves. We were looked after by a very friendly lady (she was from Glasgow so, of course, she was friendly) who informed us that there was only one single scone left. “That’ll do” we said “we’ll share it“. She disappeared behind a screen and before you could say Jack Flash she was back with the scone. It was already divided into two and loaded with jam and cream … argh! Not to worry, the intention was good. And it wasn’t as if she could give us another one.

Cooking blind

We sat at a table adjacent to the counter and our lady proceeded to chat to us the whole time we were there. She informed us that one of their chefs is deaf and completely blind. Can’t really imagine that! We were quite enjoying our scone but she said that someone else baked them. This was not a topscone by quite a way but we really enjoyed being here and finding out about all these valuable services.

During the course of our cafe chat we did at least learn how to ask for the essential accoutriments for a scone in sign language.

Prime Ministers in record numbers

Perhaps, since this is a sensory centre we should have mentioned our rather painful sensitivity to recent political news. Could they desensitise us? Too late, the news has just come in that Rishi Sunak is to be the next British PM. There have been 58 British Prime Ministers … three of them have been in the last seven weeks. At this rate we might even reach 100 by the 2024 General Election.

Of course, Rishi is merely leader of the Conservative Party at the moment. In true British obfuscatory style, there’s only one man in Britain that can appoint a new PM. That’s King Charles III and Sunak will be his first. In her 70 years on the throne the Queen had 15 Prime Ministers but, unbelievably, the way things are going, Charles could beat that record. Unless Keir Starmer can nobble the King, or Liz refuses to come out of the cupboard under No10’s stairs, Rishi should be PM by tomorrow. He will be the 10th conservative PM in a row that Scotland hasn’t voted for… isn’t that great!

Perhaps the value of the Sensory Centre is best summed up by one of the volunteers “it gets me out of the house and allows the person that I am picking up to get out as well. When they turn around to me and say they’ve had a great day, it makes my day knowing I have helped”.

FK1 4DD tel: 01324 590888 Sensory Centre

///sofa.move.tweezers

Ordinary, Scones, weird

Cross Keys Hotel

21 October 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Since we are here at the Cross Keys Hotel in Kelso, we thought we should talk about keys. Have you ever wondered why so many pubs and hotels are called the Cross Keys? Well, apparently it’s all to do with the keys to the kingdom of Heaven and crossed keys were the emblem of St Peter. Doubtless, for many of the customers of these places, it would feel like the closest to heaven they would ever get. Though why Heaven should need keys in the first place raises all sorts of other questions. But one thing is for certain! Whoever receives the keys to No 10 Downing Street in the next few days will be receiving the keys to Hell. Not sure why Hell would actually need keys either but you catch our drift.

Someone let Liz out of the cupboard under the stairs and that signalled the end of her 44 day reign as Prime Minister. The shortest tenure in history for any British PM. It came as no surprise to anyone and many would say it wasn’t short enough. We know the brand new Chancellor, who has been in post for just a little more than a week has the keys to No 11 but no idea who will have them next week.

All this follows Suella Braverman’s resignation. You’ll remember Suella was the only woman on earth who could make Priti Patel seem warm and cuddly. Anyway, at 43 days she became the shortest ever serving Home Secretary. Realising that Liz’s government was in terminal decline she actually manufactured her own sacking. What a mess! “You couldn’t make it up“, is no longer merely a flippant remark. To make matters worse Boris Johnson is threatening a glorious return. Boris won’t need keys! In true Boris style he undoubtedly had copies made before he left Downing Street in the full and certain knowledge (in his own delusional head) that he would be back.

Lucky dip

We think they should just take all the keys and put them in a hat for a lucky dip. Since things couldn’t get any worse It would seem only fair that, the now famous iceberg lettuce that outlasted Liz, is allowed a go at the lucky dip as well.

Take it or leave it

Anyway we mustn’t go on about about this too much … or should we? No, let’s get on to matters of more substance …. scones. We arrived at the impressive Italianate Cross Keys Hotel quite late in the day. Guess what, they were sold out of all scones except white chocolate. Not exactly what we would have chosen however white chocolate it had to be. Kelso has survived remarkably well through the ages in spite of continuous wars with England. The hotel was the resting place for pilgrims coming to the Abbey so it suffered badly in 1545 during the “Rough Wooing” when the English blew it up. Subsequently the hotel became a coaching inn that ran services to Newcastle and Edinburgh three times a week.

Market Square, Kelso — View of The Square from the Cross Keys

The white chocolate scones were surprisingly nice, we were very pleasantly surprised. Not topscones in the style of Schloss Roxburghe but enjoyable nevertheless. By the time you get our next scone report we will have a new leader and maybe even an entirely new government team. Fingers crossed for the lettuce!

TD5 7H. tel: 01573 223303 Cross Keys

///harps.answer.nutty

english, Ordinary, Scones

The Terrace Cafe

18 October 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

When we booked into Schloss Roxburghe the idea was that it would allow us to explore part of Scotland that we did not know at all well. And guess where we’ve ended up … in ENGLAND!! No idea how we got here to the Terrace Cafe in Wooler but presumably, in the course of negotiating all these little picturesque country lanes, we crossed the border without realising. Imagine how difficult the border is going to be when Scotland gains its independence and there are armed guards everywhere! At least the Romans built walls to dissuade folks from coming too far north but now there isn’t even a signpost?

Tit for tat

This part of the UK, however, is well used to incursions in both directions and not all of them unintentional. Back in 1595, the Scottish Laird of Cessford, Andrew Kerr, raided Wooler and took all the parson’s sheep. The parson was in London at the time. Because the local constabulary seemed reluctant to help, he mounted his own retaliatory raids on Cessford’s sheep. It all got a little out of hand and on one raid Cessford’s men ended up murdering two Wooler men as well as a third from nearby. The parson fled but the family of the third man raided north and ended up killing Cessford’s shepherd. This sort of jolly cut and thrust pretty well sums up the relationship between England and Scotland since the beginning of time … but more of that later.

In the 12th century Wooler was described as “situated in an ill-cultivated country under the influence of vast mountains, from whence it is subject to impetuous rains.” These ‘vast mountains’ seem more like lovely rolling hills to us and the village itself is pretty with lots of cafes and antique shops. All the tables on the terrace at the Terrace Cafe were taken so we went inside. A nice warm welcome even though the lady seemed to be on her own and looking after everything.

Because we overindulged earlier on a somewhat abundant breakfast we decided that a coffee and a scone to share would be quite sufficient. It came with jam and the usual Rodda’s clotted cream. The accompanying Clumsy Goat Coffee was definitely a new one on us. It was all very welcome and really quite nice but some distance away from a topscone. Wooler is definitely worth a visit but don’t ask us how to get there.

Tragedy

Afterwards, we spent a very pleasant afternoon wandering round the village before making a move back to Scotland. We took a different route back and quite unexpectedly came on the site of the Battle of Flodden. It took place in 1513. Earlier we were describing light heartedly the cross border raids that have been going on for centuries however this one was pretty serious.

The Flodden monument erected in 1910 inscribed TO THE DEAD OF BOTH NATIONS

Casualties were huge. It ended with the death of 10,000 Scots including Scotland’s king and 5,000 Englishmen. Tragic from any point of view.

At the foot of the hill in Branxton village we found the smallest visitor centre in the world. It was located in a Glasgow built K6 phone box.

It was an interesting and thought provoking day. However, once we returned to be mollycoddled with local beers and cocktails at Schloss Roxburgh we completely forgot all about it. Now we know why toffs never seem to have a conscience.

NE71 6LQ tel: 07758 838250 The Terrace Cafe FB

///armrests.runners.follow

ps: Liz Truss has been released from the cupboard under the stairs. Fortified by her scone we gifted her, she is now promising to lead the Conservatives into the next General Election. Yeah, right … not on Planet Reality, Liz!

Scones, Top, totallyeffinbrilliantscone

Schloss Roxburghe

16 October 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

This post heralds a scone which could rival Fonab Castle for the best scone in the world award. It’s here at Schloss Roxburghe … isn’t that exciting! However, maybe not as exciting as the state of British politics at the moment. So let’s get that out of the way first.

Internal view of Schloss Roxburghe — Entrance hall

Walking the plank

A lot has happened since our previous post from Alfies. The country has been brought to its knees by the current clueless resident in No 10. Meanwhile in No 11, Kami Kwasi Kwarteng has fulfilled his destiny even earlier than expected. News of the sacking of our third Chancellor in as many months, for some reason, got us pondering about walking the plank. When you think about it, what a weird procedure that was!

View from 14th tee at Schloss Roxburghe — The 14th tee on the championship golf course with the Roxburgh viaduct and the River Teviot

A bit like Kwasi, the luckless man is not simply thrown overboard … that would be too kind.. Rather it is turned into some sort of macabre ceremony where he is specially flown back from the US to find he no longer has the keys to No 11, the home he and his family have only just moved into. Mind you, ever since he got the job of doing Liz Truss’s bidding he must have known he would run out of plank quite quickly. He has been replaced by Philip Hammond, who is actually the new de facto Prime Minister. Liz is being kept in a locked cupboard under the stairs at No 10. Two short planks are being selected for her as we speak. Actually they will require a small forest to provide enough planks for all those Conservatives who voted her into power in the first place!

Efficiency

Portrait of child with hoop — Who needs an iPhone 14 when you can have one of these?

We are constantly impressed by the way Prime Ministers and Chancellors move into and out of Downing Street. These days they must ask themselves if it is actually worthwhile sitting down. It’s almost magical the way the furniture removal business works in Downing Street. It seems to flow seamlessly … at least something in the UK still works the way it should! But that’s enough about all this nonsense, you all just want to know about Schloss scones, don’t you? By the way, it is owned by a German company these days and that’s the only explanation we can give for the name. They are currently adding another 58 rooms, an outdoor swimming pool and spa as well as building 50 rental cottages in the grounds. No shortage of business here!

The Age of Reason

If you ever fancy staying in a Schloss we can thoroughly recommend Schloss Roxburghe. Simply remortgaging your home will just about cover the costs.

Portrait of the Duke of Roxburghe — Duke of Roxburghe

It used to be the home of the Duke of Roxburghe but he must have felt a bit cramped. He moved to nearby Floors Castle which has 7,000 rooms. Imagine cleaning that lot every day? This place, however, dates back to the 12th century when it was known as Sunlaws. They still have a Sunlaws restaurant. In1745, Bonnie Prince Charlie stayed the night as the guest of Lady Chatto before he set off into England with his army in a bid to regain the throne for his dad. The 18th century was known as the Enlightenment or the Age of Reason … we wonder how historians will label the present day … the Age Without Reason? Anyway, back then, for one night this place was host to one of Europe’s most romantic historical figures … and now, equally romantic, the scone hunters are here!

Relentless

This is the sort of place where your expectations are raised when you are quarter of a mile down the driveway and you still can’t see where you are to be staying. Arrival doesn’t disappoint either with a warm welcome at reception. There are open log fires in almost all the public rooms. After our long drive we were very ready for a scone. From the venues offered we chose the drawing room and settled into a lovely bay window seat. Our scones were beautifully warm and wrapped in linen napkins to keep them that way … fab!

Like we said at the beginning these scones could rival our gold standard at Fonab Castle. They were super crunchy on the outside – you almost had to crack them open like a boiled egg. The centres were wonderfully soft and fluffy. There was a plain and a fruit one for each of us and it all came complete with generous bowls of clotted cream and jam. The problem now is, we haven’t reviewed Fonab for quite a while so we will have to return to check that they are maintaining standards. Phew, this sconing business is relentless!

Suffice to say that Schloss scones are certainly on a par with Fonab scones until proven otherwise. We might even get them to slip one under the door of Liz’s cupboard, we feel a bit sorry for her … just a wee bit!

TD5 8JZ tel: ‭01573 450331 Schloss Roxburghe

///marinated.wriggled.greeting

Being outside

Local products

Football business

Fascinating facts

Kindred spirits

Random thoughts

Fresh

Sunny uplands?

Wonky Scottish weather

Records broken left right and centre

Topnotch

Dirt track

Wild Wimmin

The Joy of Little Things

Sense and nonsense

Queues

Heinous crimes

Wellbeing

Cooking blind

Prime Ministers in record numbers

Lucky dip

Take it or leave it

Tit for tat

Tragedy

Walking the plank

Efficiency

The Age of Reason

Relentless

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics