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Ordinary, Scones

Star & Garter Hotel

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Scotland’s national poet, Robert Burns, was born 1759 in the Ayrshire town of Alloway. The same year also saw the birth of this place, in the West Lothian town of Linlithgow. At that time it was the home of the wealthy Boyd family of ship owners. By the 1847, however, it had been transformed into a coaching inn, the Star & Garter, under the ownership of James Burleigh. At that time it was the Avis or Hertz of its day, hiring out horses and carriages. It’s right beside the station which is handy for us. While our car is being serviced in Bo’ness we can jump on a train and the garage picks us up from here. On some previous occasions, you may remember, they have picked us up at the Black Bitch.

Having a little time to spare, however, our attention was drawn towards the possibility of a scone. When we asked we were informed by a nice young man that tea and coffee were no problem. However, if we wanted a scone we would have to wait until he baked one. You will agree, it would have been rude and churlish to turn him down on such an offer.

Internal view of the Star & Garter Hotel, LinlithgowWhat’s in a name?

There are loads of pubs in Britain bearing the Star & Garter name. How come? As far as we can ascertain the Garter bit comes from the Order of the Garter. In 1344, Edward III decided to admit some of his knights to the Order of the Garter to make them feel a bit special among all these other common-or-garden knights. A bribe, in other words, for extra loyalty. The medals accompanying these awards usually came in the form of stars. Presumably the phrase “star and garter” began to be used to denote something a bit special. Would our scone be worthy of such an accolade?

Promising start

We were sitting by an open log fire waiting for them to be baked so  no great hardship there. Although we had our tea and coffee, waiting like this does heighten the sense of anticipation. Suffice to say, by the time they Scones at the Star & Garter Hotel, Linlithgowarrived we were ready! Having just come from the oven they were wonderfully warm, and although there was no cream there was plenty of jam and butter. First bite was very promising however as we progressed we decided that they had just been slightly over baked. We like them slightly crunchy on the outside but these were more ‘hard’. Had it not been for that they could have merited a topscone but sadly it was not to be. Fireside at the Star & Garter Hotel, Linlithgow

Honoured

However, sitting here by the fire in February with a slightly hard scone is still very enjoyable. We always feel honoured when folk offer to bake scones specially for us. Not as honoured as a knight of the realm you understand and certainly not as much as a gartered one, but honoured nevertheless.

Bribes

It is incredible that the government was defeated yet again last night and it doesn’t seem to make the slightest bit of difference. Why do they bother with all that palaver? Theresa May, never mind she cannot even command her own government, sets off to Brussels in another futile attempt to browbeat the EU into some sort of submission. It really takes some believing. Perhaps she is going with a bundle of stars and garters in her handbag. She has bribed everyone else so it may be worth a try.

A Parcel of Rogues

When Robert Burns wrote ‘Such A Parcel Of Rogues In A Nation’ he could easily have been referring to Brexit and the secretive ERG group of MPs.  He wrote: “Is wrought now by a coward few, For hireling traitor’s wages”.Though he could just as easily aimed it at MPs in the Labour party who will go with anything just to keep their jobs.

EH49 7AB          tel: 01506 845647           Star & Garter

ps. Honours should really go to our N.Ireland correspondents who, on a wee trip to Venice, diligently set about searching for a scone. Not easy in such an uncultured place however they did manage to find scone approximations. A Carnavle scone in VeniceApparently these items are only made at Carnavale time. This year that runs from 16th Feb to 5th March so we are doubly honoured to be seeing such rare Italian sconey things. They didn’t say how they tasted however .. more training required!

As always, many thanks to all our correspondents.

Ordinary, Scones

Bobby’s at Duck Bay

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By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes

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Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond
Where me and my true love were ever wont to gae
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond

That’s what I was singing to Pat as we arrived here on a beautiful warm February day. She didn’t have her fingers in her ears but perhaps a slightly better rendition is by Runrig and The Tartan Army. You can hear it by clicking here. We recommend letting it run in the background as you read. By the end you’ll feel completely Scottish and will probably be dancing on the nearest table. Be careful though, we don’t want to cause any accidents!

Although it has become a kind of Scottish anthem it is, of course, a rather sad song.  A captured Jacobite Highlander bemoaning the fact that he will never again see his true love on the bonnie bonnie banks. Not for me though because I am here and I have my true love with me …

Where in deep purple hue, the hieland hills we view

Okay!!! Enough, we hear you cry! Is there a scone somewhere here? Well, of course, there is!

View from Bobby's at Duck Bay Marina, Loch Lomond
Snow capped Ben Lomond in the middle distance from the beach at Duck Bay

Loch Lomond is Britain’s biggest loch/lake and we are fortunate indeed to have it on our doorstep. After a short but beautiful drive we ended up here, Bobby’s at Duck Bay. We go up and down the loch side a lot but this is the first time in quite a few years we have stopped off here. It’s reputation never used to be that great. Now, however, it has been taken over by Cawley Hotels and Restaurants and it’s much improved. Turns out, unbeknown to us, they also have a place at home in Falkirk. Watch this space!

Main restaurant at Bobby's at Duck Bay Marina, Loch Lomond
The main restaurant overlooking the loch
Weekday revellers?

There is a large restaurant that looks out over the loch and this place Bobby’s which is more for snacks and refreshments. It was busy! How come all these people can be here on a weekday afternoon? Internal view of Bobby's at Duck Bay Marina, Loch LomondShouldn’t they be at work or doing something useful to aid the floundering UK economy? What about us? Well, what about us … that’s different! The afternoon tea looked fantastic but we weren’t feeling quite so indulgent. Another time maybe. A scone to share and some lunch was our order. We were served by a young girl who looked as though she just wanted to be somewhere else … anywhere else! Why do people not just decide to enjoy their work. It’s easily done and it makes a massive difference for everyone concerned.

Strawberry tarts at Bobby's at Duck Bay Marina, Loch Lomond

Tarts

Anyway, in spite of the surly service our food arrived quite promptly and it was all delicious. A scone at Bobby's at Duck Bay Marina, Loch LomondThat applied to the scone as well. It came with a little jar of jam (English) and a pot of whipped cream. Nice texture and plenty fruit but not quite a topscone. You can’t really help but have a good time here, especially on a gorgeous day like today. Next time we might come for some of these strawberry tarts and meringues.

Is Runrig still playing? Are you on a table? Careful how you get down! If that wasn’t floating your boat there is another version by Bill Haley and the Comets.

The terrace at Bobby's at Duck Bay Marina, Loch Lomond
The terrace at Duck Bay
Far fetched

Loch Lomond has 92,800 million cubic feet of water however that is a mere drop in the ocean compared to Loch Ness which, being much deeper, holds more water than all Britain’s lakes and lochs put together. It also holds a monster, of course andLogo of Bobby's at Duck Bay Marina, Loch Lomond some would have it that there is also one here in Loch Lomond. Sightings have been few and far between so we think the Loch Lomond monster may be a wee bit far fetched. However, not as far fetched as Brexit negotiations or Trump’s claims about the Mexican border. Does anyone, anywhere have a clue what is happening with either?

‘The Plan’ proposed in our previous post Offshore seems to have met with some opposition. Obviously, getting the voters to cast their vote sensibly was never going to be easy. The Plan is therefore, by necessity, a tad radical. We would, however, simply ask those opposed to just be a little more public spirited. Thank you!

G83 8QZ                    tel: 01389 751234                  Bobby’s

Ordinary, Scones

Matty Steele Café

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It was obviously a Scottish neck and an English axe because it took three blows to part her head from the rest of her body. Breakfast time, on this very day, 8th Feb in 1587, Mary Queen of Scots had her head chopped off. We know this because, as they say “we seen it in the movies“. Kind of appropriate that we watched it at the Hippodrome Cinema in Bo’ness. Just a couple of miles from Linlithgow Palace where Mary was born.

Internal view of the Hiipodrome cinema Image
Inside the Hippodrome (picture courtesy of the Hippodrome)
Chop chop

In spite of them taking quite a few liberties with the actualities we enjoyed the film. It’s just the movies after all. However her life was so eventful it’s a little surprising they had to make things up. In case you are going to see it they didn’t actually show the chopping bit. That would’ve been too much. Everyone on the edge of their seats. Will it come off this time? This time? This time??

Internal view of the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'nessThe problem, as always was religion. It’s odd to think what might have happened if things had turned out differently. What if her first husband Francois, who made her Queen of France, had not gone and died on her? In slightly different circumstances she might have kept her head? What if she had overcome English treachery and gained the British throne? Who knows? Instead of being snivelling members of the EU we might have been vibrant and enthusiastic participants. Okay, okay that’s taking things way too far! The take home message from the film was … back then, it was no fun being a Queen, or even just a queen. There was plenty of both in the film.

Cake selection at the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'nessWhen the film finished a scone was called for however we thought  we had been in every café in town. We had reviewed Brian’s Café, and 1884 as well as the Ivy Tearoom. However, just a short distance from the cinema we found yet another, Matty’s Café. Apparently Matthew Steele, who died in 1937, was the architect who designed the Hippodrome cinema as well as many other local buildings. Marvellous how things come together!

Jobsworth

When we arrived the staff, a girl who seemed to be on her own, was struggling to cope with an influx of customers. Like us, they were probably all from the cinema. To be honest, we are not even sure of the name of this place. It’s either Matty’s Cafe or the Bo’ness Bakery, take your pick. The clock at the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'nessWe chose the former but we think it’s run by the bakery that has a shop next door. Anyway we had to wait a while to be attended to so had time to look around. It’s one of these places which is kind of summed up by the clock above the coffee machine. No one has quite decided whose job it is to straighten it up. It’s probably been like that for years.

Eventually we were asked what we would like. For some reason I fancied a bacon roll. “All the rolls have gone, we only have burnt ones left”. I asked if that meant I couldn’t have a roll. “No, you can have one but it’ll be burnt“. Okay? A scone at the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'nessOur order, of course, included a scone and before you could say ‘chop, chop, chop’ it was in front of us, lightening fast. My roll was indeed burnt … as black an executioner’s mind. It was also delicious. The fruit scone came with generous tubs of jam and whipped cream and was really quite good. However, in spite of what turned out to be really good cheery service it didn’t quite make the topscone grade. If you are looking for a no-frills kind of place in Bo’ness you could do a lot worse than Matty’s Café.

Irony

Mary’s body was taken and buried at Peterborough Cathedral. However, in an ironic final twist to the tale her son, James VI and I, who became the first king of England, Scotland and Ireland had her exhumed. She now lies in Westminster Abbey next to her cousin, Elizabeth I, who ordered her execution  Can you hear the spinning?External view of the Matty Steele Cafe, Bo'ness

Efficiency

Donald Tusk has said “I’ve been wondering what that special place in hell looks like, for those who promoted Brexit without even a sketch of a plan how to carry it out safely.” We’re with you Donald! As Theresa May goes to the EU yet again she must feel sooooo thankful that the guillotine has fallen into disuse. Mary Queen of Scots, on the other hand, may have wished for something as efficient.

EH51 9NF           tel: 01506 825336          Bo’ness Bakery FB

Ordinary, Scones

Offshore

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Paul Graham, en plein air on the Isle of Coll
En plein air on the Isle of Coll

One of our photographic friends, Paul Graham, was having a launch exhibition of his paintings at the Annan Gallery. It’s on Woodlands Road in Glasgow. A talented photographer for most of his life Paul has now veered more towards art. He works ‘en plein air’ which is his hifalutin way of saying ‘outside’. Paul does though! He sets his easel up in all sorts of situations and climatic conditions and gets to work, For some of the fab results see his blog. Anyway, much as we appreciate Paul’s work we were really only here for the champagne. Once that was finished there was nothing left to do except go for a scone. Okay, okay, that may seem slightly shallow but at least we were in a good mood for a scone.

Not far from the gallery we came across this place, Offshore, on Gibson Street. We mention the street simply because it was once home to the legendary Shish Mahal Indian restaurant. Back in the day, it used to be one of the few places you could get alcohol late on a Sunday evening. Typical order might have been ‘five chapatis and ten pints of lager‘. It had to close in Gibson Street because of subsidence but is still going strong in nearby Park Street. One of it’s close competitors, the Koh-i-Noor actually collapsed into the river Kelvin. Anyway, we digress! Interior view of Offshore Cafe, Glasgow

Cursory wipes

Offshore looks a little bit as if it has been dragged from the Kelvin. A wee bit bedraggled. However this is student territory and since when were students put off by a bit of tawdriness? It had that studenty feel. Lots of folk, who looked like they had been there all day, reading books or fiddling with their laptops. We had to ask for our table to be cleared and cleaned. They did clear it but cleaning was nothing more than a cursory wipe. It needed more than a cursory wipe!

Interior view of Offshore Cafe, GlasgowThere were only rather large fruit scones available and a request for cream only produced a withering look. Toasted scones were not a problem however and they came accompanied by butter and a sachet of Nashville strawberry jam. A scone at Offshore Cafe, GlasgowWe have only ever come across this north American preserve once before in Bob & Bert’s. My coffee cup had a major crack running all the way down but we guessed that they didn’t throw them away until they actually started leaking. I was fortunate in that mine, against all expectations, seemed to still be retaining its contents quite well.

Now you may think that this is all heading in one direction but the scones were damnably good. Warm and soft and quite delicious … even with American jam! We had thought, since they were not doing anything else right, that the scones would be similarly handicapped. However, had it not been for all the other problems these would definitely have been topscones. Maybe it was the champagne?
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Logo for Offshore Cafe, Glasgow

Deserting the sinking ship

Offshore isn’t only where the wealthy keep their filthy lucre. It’s also where most people would like to be as Brexit wends its weary way towards some sort of cataclysmic conclusion. We don’t mean this café, we mean anywhere other than the UK. What irony! Principally, it was the north of England that voted to leave the EU. Now, one of the main industries in the north of England, Nissan, has announced it’s abandoning the UK to build their latest model elsewhere. Why? Because of Brexit. The north of England has many reasons to feel hard done by but it had little to do with the EU. It was just a really crappy conservative government here in the UK blaming the EU for its own shortcomings. It beggars belief that we are still pressing on, like lemmings, towards the cliff edge.Interior view of Offshore Cafe, Glasgow

A plan

It was mainly old folk who voted for Brexit … young folk cannot remember anything other than the EU. The elderly also denied Scotland its independentence in 2014 … frightened about their pensions, Consequently we have come up with a plan. Everybody who is one year older than me should be shot. This plan will undoubtedly have a few critics however it would mean that most people would then vote correctly … simple! Some older friends might be saying “but what about us?” We realise there’s a downside but as Theresa would say “trust me, I know what is best for the country and this is the only way”.

In such dire circumstances my cracked mug doesn’t seem quite so important any more.

G12 8NU          tel: 0141 341 0110         Offshore TA

Ordinary, Scones

Glencoe House Hotel

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Donald Smith was brought up in Forres, near Inverness but ended up as Mr Hudson’s Bay Company and owning half of Canada. He became soooo rich even British Royalty welcomed him as a friend. Yes, he was that rich! In later life however he wanted to bring his family back to live in his native Scotland.

View over Glencoe House c1900 towards Loch Leven
Old post card view c1900 over Glencoe House towards Loch Leven – Highland Libraries

Fascinated with the romanticism and history of Glencoe he bought the entire estate in 1895. Then, as a token of his love for his Canadian born wife, Isabella, he built Glencoe House. He even tried to landscape it to look like her native NW Canada. It didn’t work, however, Bella was homesick for Canada and never took to Glencoe House. By that time Donald Smith had transmogrified into Lord Strathcona. He actually wanted to be known as Lord Glencoe but, because of its historic associations, was advised against it. ‘Strathcona’ is a Gaelic version of Glencoe.

Colonsay

He also bought one of our favourite islands, the Isle of Colonsay. A painting by Alan Morgan of one of our favourite beaches hangs in the great hall here at Glencoe House. The current Lord Strathcona still lives in Colonsay House. How ridiculous is it that such titles can be handed on from generation to generation by virtue of simply being born?

Kiloran Beach, Isle of Colonsay by Alan Morgan
Kiloran beach on Colonsay
Glencoe Lochan

Anyway, this preamble is simply to let you know that Lord Strathcona’s house is now Glencoe House Hotel and for the past few days, for us, it has also been our home. You know that a place is suitable for a couple of illustrious sconeys  when you are met at the door by a kilted gentleman bearing champagne. At home in Falkirk we haven’t had any snow at all this winter.  Here, at the hotel, there was a full inch. Being ushered inside therefore, glass in hand, to sit in front of a huge roaring log fire was no great hardship.

View of Ben Bhan from the lochan at Glencoe House Hotel
View over Glencoe lochan towards snow covered Sgorr Bhan

It wasn’t all day pampering, we actually went outside sometimes. The Glencoe Lochan was only a hundred yards away and it was where we used to live in our climbing days. In the boathouse to be precise. Concrete floor, no doExternal view of Glencoe House Hotelor and no facilities whatsoever but it saved putting up a tent. Happy days, I certainly knew how to treat a girl. Presumably we were made of sterner stuff back then. Apparently the boathouse succumbed to a BBQ incident a few years back so it’s no longer there. Pity, it would have been nice to see it again.

Ice climbing

Just a few miles away, Kinlochleven plays home to Ice Factor, the world’s biggest ice climbing wall. It is 500 tonnes of real snow and is 12m high and we had never visited before. Contained within a gigantic fridge, it’s impressive to say the least. There are also loads of rock climbing walls and bouldering facilities elsewhere in the building.

Part of the ice wall at Ice Factor in Kinlochleven
part of the base of the ice wall at Ice Factor

The cafe at Ice Factor, however, was a scone free zone. What are they thinking about? Not to worry, we had taken the precaution of asking the ever helpful staff at the hotel if we could have some scones later in the day.

Internal view of Glencoe House HotelSo it was that after a strenuous day looking at fabulous views and ice walls we arrived back at the hotel just before dark. We had to sit by the big log fire again … again! Then our scones arrived beautifully presented on a slate cake-stand topped off with biscuits and strawberries. There were two each and they came with loads of jam and cream. Scones at Glencoe House HotelCould we eat them all, that was the big question? Somewhat predictably perhaps I did but Pat had to leave one of hers.

Comfy

Sitting here all toasty on a big comfy sofa eating scones it was hard to think that the boathouse was once what we looked forward to every single weekend in winter. It also made you wonder what was wrong with Lord Strathcona’s missus that she didn’t like these much more luxurious surroundings. Things like Brexit and the price of bread had long since been completely forgotten. Unfortunately the scones were rather disappointing with a slightly bread-like taste and texture. We have had much better so no topscone for Glencoe House Hotel. Pity, everything else was perfect.

Lord Strathcona and staff at Glencoe House
Lord and Lady Strathcona with family and staff at Glencoe House

PH49 4HT        tel: 01855 811179       Glencoe House

 

Is

Ordinary, Scones

The Bay Hotel

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What a guy, what a hero, what a romantic! He had just seen off the Vikings at the Battle of Largs. Now, here he was riding from Edinburgh to Kinghorn on a dark stormy night to be with his wife on her birthday the following day. The Milk Tray Man would have been proud.

King Alexander III monument near the Bay Hotel at Pettycur Bay
The Alexander III monument near Kinghorn where he died on 18 March 1286
Birthday celebrations

It was not to be, however. His horse fell and he was found dead on the shore the following morning. Alexander III, the last Celtic King of Scots had been advised that the ride from Edinburgh was too dangerous. But would he listen? All Alexander’s three children died young so he left no heirs. The period of instability that followed would eventually lead to war with England. Oh no, not again! When Alexander died Queen Yolande was left waiting in Kinghorn having a memorable birthday for all the wrong reasons. Out of respect for her husband she would not have been sampling scones here at the Bay Hotel. We were however! Not out of disrespect you understand, just plain necessity!The terrace at the Bay Hotel at Pettycur Bay

Cream teas

After an exhilarating walk through the rocks and along the sand dodging plummeting witches (more of that later), we were in need of refreshment. A scone at the Bay Hotel at Pettycur BayWe had spotted the Bay Hotel from the beach so we made our way there. It’s a strange kind of place. Probably set up to  cater for the huge caravan park that surrounds it. It has a leisure centre with a beautiful swimming pool but we were only looking for one thing … and it wasn’t a swim.

A fruit scone was no problem but when we inquired about cream they asked if we would prefer a cream tea . A cream tea it was. The terrace looking over the river towards Edinburgh on the far shore was very tempting. However, lovely day as it was, still the middle of January so we opted for inside. Interior view of the Bay Hotel at Pettycur BayThe restaurant was obviously designed to cater for a multitude rather than just us and one or two others. A little bit soulless. Although not a topscone we thoroughly enjoyed it. We should have sat outside though … the Vikings would have!

Suffice to say that we had a much more enjoyable day in Kinghorn than Queen Yolande.

New profession

We came to Kinghorn for a walk along the beach at Pettycur. It’s all rather beautiful, especially on a day like today. However, we were not that far from the Clock Tower Café in Pittenweem where attentive readers will remember the fate of poor Janet Cornfoot. Yes, this is that part of Scotland where, at one time,  all women must have lived in fear of their lives. Hard to imagine that this little town gave rise to a brand new profession  … witch-pricking! The holders of these witch-pricking jobs, usually the local clergy, were responsible for inserting long wires into alleged witches in search of pain sensitivity and the presence of blood?? They were also responsible for interpreting the results. Let’s hazard a guess. If they found no blood and no sensitivity to pain, that would indeed have been a witch. Probably didn’t work like that though.
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View towards Edinburgh from the Bay Hotel at Pettycur Bay
Vie from the Bay … Arthur’s Seat in the middle distance

Kinghorn was a centre for witchcraft trials so most of the skilled witch-prickers were based there. As we walked along the beach we could look up at the ring inserted in the cliff face to which witches were chained and burned. If leniency was being shown they were only half burned before being thrown to their deaths while still chained to the ring. The sudden stop snapped them in half.

The logo of the Bay Hotel at Pettycur BayMany of these witches were accused of meeting with the Devil and, in most of those allegations, the Devil was disguised as a man. Goodness, surely not? Anyway, in 1644, Katherine Wallenge was the last poor woman to be treated in this vile manner.  Consequently, all witch-prickers became redundant. Except? No it couldn’t be! We wonder if a modern form of witch-pricking has been resurrected in Westminster.

Return of the witch-prickers

Theresa May must feel a bit like Katherine Wallenge with all her colleagues sticking it to her. However, when it comes to Brexit, Theresa’s mantra that only her deal can deliver the Brexit that ‘the people’ voted for overlooks one vital fact. The people didn’t vote for some highfalutin deal with the satanic EU. Based on the garbage they had been fed by the politicians and media they just wanted OUT… simple! So unless she delivers a hard Brexit she will have failed to deliver what ‘the people’ voted for. “Stop all this silly bickering and get on with it” is what they would say. Of course it would result in the biggest act of self-harm in recorded history. Not exactly sure how they would measure it but we can almost see the Guinness Book of Records folk gathering surreptitiously in the background.

KY3 9YE      tel: 01592 892222          The Bay

Telephone news

You’ll never guess what we found round the back of the Bay Hotel. Please don’t ask why we were round there. Yes, you’re right, a K8 telephone box. The K7, like the K5 never made it into production so the K6 which we all know and love was followed, in 1968, by the K8. Made entirely of cast iron, about 11,000 were produced. Now there are only 54 registered as still in existence. Wonder if this one is registered? It was in bad shape but was still proudly wearing the Lion Foundry badge. Okay, okay, we really do need to get a life. K8 telephone box to the rear of the Bay Hotel at Pettycur BayWhile we are on the subject The Pedant has kindly sent a photo of a fully functioning K6 in Stow-on-the-Wold. Made in Falkirk … yeagh, quality!K6 telephone box in Stow in the Wold

Ordinary, Scones

Bob & Bert’s

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A happy and healthy New Year to you all. We hope you will come with us on our continuing sconological research expeditions in 2019.

Looking back at 2018

What were the highlights of 2018 for us? Well, we collected data on over sixty scones and twenty one of them received topscone awards. We think that’s a pretty good batting average. Some were posh like One Devonshire Gardens in Glasgow, the Connaught in London and Knockinaam Lodge in Galloway. Others were not as posh but great nevertheless e.g the Drift Cafe in Northumberland and Fenwicks in Linlithgow.

We still had great experiences with those that did not receive our highest accolade. The Sundial Cafe in Limekilns, the Scotsman Grand Cafe in Edinburgh and the Pop-up Café in Pittenweem were all wonderful in their own way. Stand out amongst them however, just for location if nothing else, must be the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera and the Forth Belle. In fact our 2018 scones all had something to offer even if they were not great in themselves. We certainly enjoyed the whole blogging year.

Fifteen 2018 posts contained telephone box news but our favourite has to be the K3 near Jamesfield Farm. … it was a privilege!Illuminated sign for Bob & Bert's, Falkirk

2018 politics

Ooooo! The big news for us was that a member of the Royal family had closed their own car door. Okay, okay it was a brash American recent addition to the family who didn’t know any better. We felt it was significant. Is it for the better? Will she be able to teach other members of the family? Well in spite of the potential for legions of royal door closers being thrown on the scrap heap, we think it’s a sign of real progress. One of very few in 2018.

Brexit, of course, has to be a highlight or a lowlight depending on your point of view. It’s confusing, so to make sense of it all we turned to religion. Eh? Let us explain. If we accept for a moment that, a couple of thousand years ago, God created the Earth in a week. And we also accept (or hope) that He is still working through the snagging list. Always felt He should have taken two weeks. Then we can probably assume that He saw the two World Wars, with 80 million fatalities, as snags with capital ‘S’s. The evolution of the EU however, even with all its faults, must have made Him look down in astonishment, maybe even with a wry smile. All these countries coming together in a spirit of harmony and cooperation … amazing! Then just as He was thinking “Gee, I didn’t do such a bad job after all”, along comes Thatcher spreading seeds of doubt and then Cameron to finish the job. If He has hair He can’t have much left now. At the end of the day, however if He thinks the EU is a great idea that’s good enough for lowly us to think we should Remain!

Enough of 2018, what about 2019?

Internal view of Bob & Berts, FalkirkFor our first scone of 2019 we didn’t stray very far. Only as far as our own High Street in fact. The object of our attentions was a flashy upstart newcomer, Bob & Berts. It adds to the plethora of cafés already on the High Street. Turns out it’s a new chain set up in Northern Ireland (Norn Iron as the locals say) by one Colin McClean, a former geography teacher from Portstewart. They have eighteen cafés over there and have just opened three in Scotland. Considering the competition from the big boys likes of Starbucks, Costa and McDonalds this is a bold venture indeed. Is it too bold though? If our experience is anything to go by, we think they will go from strength to strength. It is definitely ‘different’, with a kind of American hipster vibe. The louder than usual piped musac seemed to be a mixture of Mumford & Sons and the Scissor Sisters. Getting the vibe?Nashville Fruit Co jam at Bob & Bert's, Falkirk

Raspberry Ripple

Our experience was mixed however. We asked for the last raspberry ripple scone they had. It had a kind of pink macaroon thingy on top. Why not start the year with a dangerous scone after all? Everything was fine. However, by the time we had got our tea and coffee, we were informed that our scone had been sold to a another customer. It was still sitting there staring us in the face! Their system however meant that someone ahead of us in the queue had already bought it. A scone at Bob & Berts, FalkirkBut it’s still there!? Takes a bit of figuring out. They would actually allow us to purchase an apple and cinnamon scone, a cherry scone, a plain scone or a fruit scone. The eventual decision was a fruit scone but the raspberry ripple one was still there … arrgghh! Probably a lucky escape. Anyway, having survived all this trauma we took a seat in a couple of large comfy wing-backed leather chairs and set about sharing our fruit scone. We enjoyed it, however, the butter was from Ireland and the jam was from Nashville, Oregon? Don’t mind the butter, it’s an Irish company after all … but the jam?? That’s a big carbon footprint for jam! No topscone. We consoled ourselves however in the knowledge that, had they actually sold us the raspberry ripple scone, it would have fallen into the weird scone category and not won an award either. This new addition to our High Street  is just that little bit different. We also have a huge soft spot for N. Ireland where we lived for seven years, so we wish Bob & Bert’s all the very best for the future.Sign for Bob & Bert's, Falkirk

News

Not much news at this time. The mighty Apple seems to be struggling a bit because of Trump’s trade war with China. Trump isn’t worried, he thinks that 2019 is entirely down to him … the highest numbered year ever … higher than Obama’s!

FK1 1DU           no phone     Bob and Bert’s Coffee

ps: Having raised your curiosity we are now feeling guilty. We may return to the raspberry ripple scone another day. Watch this space.

Ordinary, Scones

The Fork & Mustard

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Confusion

Joyous news, this may be the last scone you have to endure this year. Of course, it’s also an opportunity for us to wish everyone a Merry Christmas but first perhaps we can enlist your help. We are confused! “No surprise there”, we hear you say.

You probably think it’s Brexit, but it’s not! Brexit’s not confusing, its just stupid. No, it’s because we are bombarded with adverts on TV asking us to send £3 to save a child or a donkey somewhere. Plus the news that 600 homeless people have died in mega rich England this year. Okay, you agree, that’s pretty awful, but what’s confusing about it?

Well, while we may feel guilty about all that, we simultaneously pay, ‘The Chosen One’,  the imbecilic Jose Mourinho £18m per season to manage Manchester United badly. Then we fork out an additional £15m just to see him off the premises. Little wonder he has spent the last two and a half years living in a five star hotel. You might say that we don’t actually pay him but of course, in reality, we do, albeit indirectly. Why do we, as a society, do that? That’s what’s confusing!

Are we completely blind to donkeys and homeless people when we would rather pay a complete idiot ludicrous amounts of money for doing something which is of no importance whatsoever? If £3 saves a donkey, get it to do the job! We’re certain Man U would do just as well … or badly. However, we don’t want to worry you just before Christmas so we have come up with an answer of our own.

Andy Murray and Tiger Woods
A tea cosy at the Fork & Mustard Café, Falkirk
Fork & Mustard tea cosyt

The world’s New Year resolution for 2019 should be to completely eradicate all professional sport … simple! It only brings out the worst in folk and we think the world would be a much happier place without any of it. Precisely nothing would be lost. Except maybe the Andy Murrays and Tiger Woods with their entourages of physiotherapists, doctors, dietitians and psychiatrists. But that’s not really sport, it’s cheating! Tennis, golf and the like would still be played, still be televised and be even more exciting. Anyway, you will no doubt be delighted to hear that that’s our pre-Christmas rant over. Interior view of the Fork & Mustard Café, Falkirk

Tasmanian waiters at the Fork & Mustard

While we were pondering which ridiculous high paid job Jose would end up in next we arrived here, at the Fork & Mustard. In keeping with the ever changing face of Falkirk, up until a year ago this place was called Shy Violet. The lady who welcomed us had one of those super bubbly personalities you immediately warm to. When we asked how she came by the name ‘Fork & Mustard’ we got a fairly lengthy tale about an Italian waiter in Tasmania who kept misunderstanding what was being said to him. He thought he was being asked for a ‘fork and mustard’ whereas they were actually saying unkind things involving sweary words that we couldn’t possibly repeat here. Suffice to say this Fork & Mustard is unique. The only one in the world.

Sweetness

They have the modern necessity, a vegan and gluten free menu. Novel teapot at the Fork & Mustard Café, FalkirkWe actually have some sympathy with the guy who killed the cow because it was eating the vegan’s food. Most things are made on the premises. Some from hand me down family recipes “just like granny used to make.” How would granny’s scones be? A scone at the Fork & Mustard Café, FalkirkWhen Pat’s tea came it was in a rather novel glass teapot that automatically drained and filtered the tea leaves when it was placed on top of the cup. And we thought we had seen everything! Our scone was very good, packed with fruit but we felt that granny had put in a little bit too much sugar for our taste. No topscone but we enjoyed this place very much. It had a great atmosphere, created entirely by the super helpful staff. We will be back.

Open goals

Another thing we are confused about. How does the Labour party manage to make such a mess of opposition? The Tories have given them sooo many open goals. Okay, no one has any idea what they stand for. And, of course, they have shot themselves in the foot so often they should be referred to a self-harming clinic. But apart from that? It’s very confusing! In Tasmania they would probably refer to Corbyn as a useless ‘fork & mustard’.

Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year to all our readers.

FK1 1HX         tel: 01324 637 374      The Fork and Mustard

Ordinary, Scones

1884 Bo’ness

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Today we are at 1884 Bo’ness. Readers will be aware that from time to time, we go to the cinema. More often than not we go to the Hippodrome in Bo’ness, Scotland’s oldest picture palace. And, more often than not, we go in the morning, just because we can! Logo at 1884 Kitchen and Grill, BonessWe are not quite sure why, because on the face of it it is a perfectly normal thing to do, but it still seems vaguely sinful. It’s not so much going in, it’s coming out when it’s not even lunchtime!

Anyway, us sinners went to see Mike Leigh’s Peterloo today and we had no worries about coming out before lunch. At two and a half hours, it’s something of an epic. It’s all about democracy in 1819 and the British government’s attempts to drown it at birth. They did not want common folk getting ideas above their station like the dastardly French. Four years earlier us Brits had given Napoleon a jolly good thrashing at the Battle of Waterloo and, sadly, our ruling classes looked on the Peterloo Massacre of its own people in a similarly triumphant light. This was amply illustrated by the fact that it actually took place at Petersfield in Manchester but was adapted to Peterloo as a warning to other potential upstarts. Internal view of 1884 Kitchen and Grill, Boness

Democracy

Anyway the take home message of the film was that we’ve not come very far in the intervening centuries. The UK is still the least democratic of all European states and, of course, democracy has yet to be discovered in Scotland.

After almost three hours of fairly intense viewing however, sustenance was definitely required. Just a short distance from the cinema we came across 1884 Bo’ness, a new café /restaurant. It had only opened a few weeks previously. The rather ancient looking exterior belies its nice modern welcoming interior. It does everything you would expect of a ‘kitchen grille’ but, of course, scones were the main attraction for us. When we asked why it was called ‘1884’, we were told it was because it was carved in stone on the outside of the building. It’s construction date. Date carved in wall outside 1884 Kitchen and Grill, BonessAs good a reason as any and for brother and sister owners, David and Kirstie Stein it’s become rather habit forming. They also run very successful businesses, 1807 in Linlithgow and 1912 in Bathgate.

We decided on a fruit scone and opted for their offer of it being toasted. It was wonderfully warm when it arrived and came with plenty prepackaged jam, butter and whipped cream. It would have been nicer to have had a dish of jam, a pat of butter and some clotted cream but that wasn’t to be. Sadly, no topscone but we enjoyed everything about 1884 Bo’ness and would certainly return on our next cinema visit.

1884 and all that

While this building was being constructed in 1884 there were other things happening elsewhere.

  • Here in Scotland, in scenes that must have been reminiscent of Peterloo, Royal Marines and police arrived in naval vessels at the tiny village of Uig on the Isle of Skye to help a landowner evict crofters from his Kilmuir estate.
  • Otto von Bismarck declared South Africa a German colony.
  • In the US, Alaska became a US territory and on Coney Island the first roller coaster went into action with a thrilling top speed of 6mph.
  • Batchelor, Grover Cleveland became President of America in spite of admitting to fathering a child in his youth. It gave rise to the chant used against him “Ma, Ma, where‘s my Pa? Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha!”.
  • John Harvey Kellogg, patented “flaked cereal” (cornflakes) which he intended as a ‘healthy, ready-to-eat anti-masturbatory morning meal’!
  • In France the Statue of Liberty was presented to the US and Claude Monet painted “La Corniche near Monaco.”
  • In the UK, Greenwich was accepted as the universal time meridian of longitude though France refused to accept it for another thirty years.
  • The Gaelic Athletic Association was founded in Ireland
Cornflakes

From this list we can reasonably deduce that the world has always been slightly mad. Though perhaps not quite as mad as it is today. The EU has sent Theresa May packing. Her attempts to bring about an acceptable Brexit deal  seem almost as futile as Kellog’s ambitions for his breakfast cereal.

Wall decoration in the form of a cows skull at 1884 Kitchen and Grill, Boness
wall decoration at 1884

EH51 0EA     tel: 01506 829946        1884 Kitchen and Grill FB

Ordinary, Scones

Jamesfield Farm

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Jamesfield Farm is not in a part of the country we visit often. It’s not often we drive along the the south side of the river Tay, however, today is an exception. We ended up here at Elcho Castle but it was shut for the winter!

External view of Elcho Castle
Elcho Castle, built in 1560 as the family seat of the Wemyss family

No worries, Elcho is not the main reason we are here. Acting on a tip-off from our Trossachs correspondents, we were actually looking for a very rare K3 telephone box. One of only two left in the UK and the other one is in a museum.

Rarities in Rhynd

Apologies but scone purists will simply have to bear with us. Since we seem to have acquired a fair number of scone/telephone box enthusiasts, we feel we have to try and cater to everyone. Fear not, we will get to the scones! Just up the road from the castle we found our K3  outside the old post office house in the tiny hamlet of Rhynd. Not only was the box open, it was in perfect working order!

wide and close up view of K3 telephone box at Rhynd
This K3 has a preservation order and is one of only two left in the UK

This was probably more to do with the preservation order it enjoys rather than the need for functioning public telecommunications in Rhynd. All K3s were made of concrete with teak doors and like the K1 and the K5 were painted cream with red windows. Rather oddly the K3 was introduced in 1929 … after the K4?? The K2 was deemed too expensive to install outside of London so this little box may have been one of the first in Scotland.  If you are looking for a K3, however, and can’t make it to Rhynd your best bet is probably to take a holiday in Portugal where they are still fairly numerous.

Ducks and geese

Anyway, all this excitement, rather predictably, created hunger pangs that simply couldn’t be ignored. Not far from Rhynd we came across Jamesfield Farm Shop and Restaurant which prides itself on having been organic for the past thirty years. Some of these farm shops seem to be housed in fairly industrial looking buildings and this one is no exception. In the title picture the restaurant is located in the distance behind the roosters.

View from the Jamesfield Farm restaurant near Perth
View looking north from the restaurant

On the plus side, the grounds have been landscaped quite nicely with several ponds for ducks and geese. The restaurant itself is big and rather utilitarian but they did have a good range of scones and the service was very friendly and welcoming. Internal view of Jamesfield Farm restaurant near Perth

Since we were having some lunch as well we eventually decided on one of their large cherry scones to share. Jamesfield is a great example of a family owned farming business that has had to diversify to survive. With their restaurant, shop and garden centre, they do it very well. What effect withdrawal from the EU’s Common Agricultural Policy will have on farming remains to be seen but we suspect that it won’t be for the better. A scone at Jamesfield Farm restaurant near PerthGiven our government’s constant carping about the cost of the CAP, they are hardly likely to be more generous once it’s gone. If scones are anything to go by, however, Jamesfield will do okay no matter what happens. As well as producing lots of fruit and vegetables they do all their own baking. Although our cherry scone wasn’t a topscone, it  was very enjoyable nevertheless.

Soap operas

Never thought we would see the day that ‘Live in Parliament’ would threaten to overtake Coronation Street’s viewing figures. It is fast becoming debatable which is the most riveting soap.

External view of the entrance to the Jamesfield Farm restaurant near Perth
Entrance to the shop and restaurant

The government defeated three times within an hour and held in contempt for the first time in history. Wow, and, like Coronation Street, this is real life! Simultaneously, Theresa May maintains her mantra. The answer to every single question of the past two months “I alone know what is best for everyone”. When she explicitly says that she knows what is best for the people of Scotland she doesn’t seem to have any inkling of how insulting that is. The country that voted overwhelmingly to not do what she wants to do.  Thank goodness for Dominic Grieve who has perhaps made it possible to rest power away from the May dictatorship. If we weren’t so irritatingly polite in this country we would have a gilet jaune movement too.External view of Jamesfield Farm restaurant near Perth

KY14 6EW     tel: 01738 850498         Jamesfield Farm Restaurant